Sweeten the Blow
by Kirachi
Summary: The Streets of Laredo fiction. Slight Young Guns crossover. Focuses upon Joey Garza and his unexplored back story. Angst/Drama/Romance. Joey/OC Doc/OC
1. Chapter 1

_This story is a slight cross-over. It contains a few characters from the Young Guns movies although it does not follow any of the Young Guns movies plots, the people who feature are used mainly for enjoyment of the characters. It is fully focused upon 'The Streets of Laredo' and Joey Garza's story but hopefully even if you don't know the full story you'll enjoy it._

_This fiction is rated 'Mature' for violence and sexual references/situations._

_I do not own Joey Garza nor the situations taken from the original book and series, I do not make any profit in this writing. _

_I do however own all the characters that I made up as well as the situations that are not in either series or book. Please do not take any of my characters or ideas, this will be considered stealing and it's a low down dirty thing t' do, ya hear ;)))_

_I hope you enjoy!_

**Sweeten the Blow**

Ella scrubbed hard at the small, worn table that served as both dining area and living area in the small run-down shack that she called home. The dirt seemed to have become ingrained over the last few years and as the sweat began to bead upon her brow she slumped down into a rickety old chair, resting her muscles for a moment and admitting defeat that the table would never be any cleaner.

Ella had turned twenty years old the summer just passed, yet she felt as if she were much older, like one of the elder woman of the Mexican village of Ojinaga she dwelt in, tired and worn from years of labor. Finally she pushed herself out of her seat and went to the dirty, marred mirror that hung above the black stained fireplace. She pushed her dark chestnut hair back into place, securing a few pins to tidy it into a proper style. She gave a low sigh at her pallid complexion, her deep brown eyes stared back at her ringed by dark circles and she pursed her lips in displeasure. It seemed that she was no longer the pretty thing men had flocked to Jane Greathouse's 'gentleman's establishment' to spend time and hard earned money upon, she had only been seventeen and hadn't worked there six months before she had met her future husband.

How exciting it had all seemed then, a wanted man paying her more attention than was usual for any man that came to spend his evenings there. Tales of desperate horse chases, gunfights and daring escapes kept her captivated and he was handsome in a rugged, unkempt sort of way. Whispering sweet words into her ear, telling her dreams and wishes that he had for both of them: that he could take her away from here, that he wanted none to have her but himself. Such talk had seemed romantic, like a wild free dream grasping at her heart and making her feel as if she could fly if she wished.

The reality unfortunately had been far from this fantasy life, they had married quickly, eloping from Jane's without any word. Why Ella had acted this way she had no idea, Jane had always been kind to her, had given her a better life than what she had before, and yet she had left without so much as a by your leave which had sealed Ella's fate. She had nowhere to run to now things had turned sour and the truth of the matter was it had become sour very soon after their wedding day ,when she had become aware that dreams and whispered honeyed words were no more than dust in the wind. They had headed for Old Mexico, after all her husband was a wanted man and to stay in New Mexico was not an option open to them, they had found themselves a small, dilapidated shack in the Mexican village of Ojinaga and tried to make it home.

But her husband was not one to stay put, he would leave her alone for months on end and Ella knew little Spanish. The transition had been hard and cruel, sometimes food ran out and he wouldn't be in sight to aid her. She took to helping a few of the other women with their crop gathering: a tedious task, given that she was paid only in food and little of it and that the Mexican girls did not take well to a 'gringo' woman working beside them, finding great enjoyment in teasing her and giving her more than her fair share of labor. She knew at the time she would have reverted back to her old ways of selling her favors if she could but her husband had told her in no uncertain terms that if she did so he would kill her, the warning was simple and she took heed. Whether he was capable of such a thing was debatable but he was certainly capable of beating her, a side that only reared if he drank too much and it was a fate she shared with many a woman of the village.

Thankfully there was one woman in the village that had shown her pity at being what most would deem an outcast. Her name was Maria Garza and she was the midwife of the village, respected and well thought of. She was a kind woman, if not heavily burdened by little money, little food and two young children with disabilities. Her daughter Teresa was nearing her thirteenth birthday and had been born blind; her elder son was called Rafael, and was what most in the village described as slow, or by crueler people a half-wit. Ella had heard talk of an older son belonging to Maria but any conversation about him was normally hushed; the talk that she understood about him was that he was a bad apple, rotten to the very core and he was not welcome in the village although she heard disapproving mumbles that he still came to his mother's when it suited him, but Ella had never chanced upon him in the years she had lived there, something she felt faintly glad of.

Ella spent many a day with Maria, helping her with chores and looking after her children and in return Maria was slowly departing all her knowledge about midwifery to Ella it was a slow task as both woman had very little time to themselves with so much to do, still Maria often said that Ella would make a wonderful midwife and after her old bones were finally laid to rest the village would need a younger pair of hands to take over the duty. The thought of having something of her own, some form of making a living without her husband's help caused Ella to feel that all was not lost yet…

She turned to the broth that boiled over the small fire and gave it a quick stir before picking up a small loaf of bread and cutting it into large wedges. Tonight they were having company, her husband was bringing home an old friend, one that Ella actually liked and felt she could hold a conversation with, she held fond memories of long nights talking to him at Jane's when he happened by. Ella would normally have been annoyed with having a guest at such short notice, she had not seen her husband in over a week and he had sent her word through another man that lived in the village that he was returning with company but the guest would be a more than welcome sight.

The sky was already beginning to darken; she quickly lit a few candles and before too long she heard the familiar sound of horse's hooves followed by voices. After a moment the door opened and her husband and his companion entered.

"I'm home" her husband said without looking at her. "The food ready?" He removed his hat and tossed it onto the table. "Come on in Doc" he said with a grin, turning to the light haired man that stood behind him.

"Hello to you too Dave" Ella huffed.

Dave finally looked at her, his expression bore a warning that she quickly understood.

"The food's ready, I'll just serve it up." She glanced at Doc who wore a frown. "Hey Doc, good to see you, take a seat."

"Nice to see you too Ella" Doc said, tugging the brim of his hat, his expression turning to a welcoming grin.

The two men took a seat at the table while Ella busied herself with pouring the broth into bowls. She glanced back at her husband, Dave Rudabaugh. He was good looking and was in his thirty-second year. His hair was messy, dark and never appeared to stay in place; he hardly shaved, taking up the task just before he had a fully grown beard so stubble always shadowed his chin, cheeks and upper lip giving him an unkempt look. He was handsome in a sly, callous way. His wit was deadpan and brutal and directed at her all too often.

She watched distractedly as he leant his rifle against the wall and struggled out of his long duster coat, allowing it to fall carelessly to the floor. Her gaze went to Doc who had mimicked Dave's actions and leant his own rifle alongside his friend's and then he too shrugged his own coat off but laid it carefully over the back of his chair. Doc did not match Dave in looks or in personality. He was quiet, preferring the company of books to people, in fact his mannerisms made it hard for Ella to think that he too was a wanted man, but he was - as were all of the old members of Billy the Kid's gang. Doc had an almost scholarly quality to his handsome features; shaggy blond hair, stormy blue eyes and a neatly trimmed beard made him look respectable, as if he should be a bank or store clerk.

After a moment he settled back into his seat and his eyes found hers, Ella felt a surprised blush rise in her cheeks and turned back to the food. She finished her task and set the two bowls before the men before turning and picking up Dave's coat and laying it over a nearby set of drawers, she then helped herself to some food and joined them at the table, carrying a bottle of whiskey in the crook of her arm and three cups in her free hand.

They were soon eating and the two men talked while Ella listened.

"I visited Chavez at old Fort Sumner; he still won't leave the place, after all this time" Doc said, tearing a piece from his chunk of bread with his fingers and popping it into his mouth.

"Chavez always was a stubborn…" Dave glanced up at Doc, suddenly seeming to realize that insulting words would not be taken gladly. "Well what do you expect; he probably thinks Billy's spirit is still there or something, just as he always did with his mumbo jumbo." He paused as Doc gave him a strange detached look. "Ah hell, don't look at me like that." He looked down at his food. "You know I'm right" he mumbled.

Dave glanced back up his eyes falling upon his young wife. "Ain't I right Darlin'? All this Indian shit is just mumbo jumbo."

Ella looked up at him, knowing to agree was to insult one of Doc's closest friends, but knowing that if she disagreed Dave would not be happy with her. She hesitated, her eyes flicking to both men.

"Stella!" Dave said, his voice rising in pitch. "I asked you a question girl."

Ella looked back at her husband's frowning face. "Sure Dave," she said, "mumbo jumbo." She gritted her teeth and returned her attention back to her food, determined not to have a blazing argument while they had a guest.

Dave gave a nod as he chewed upon his food and then turned his attention back to Doc whose brow was now furrowed.

"What crawled up your britches Doc?" Dave asked with a small laugh. "Chavez can take my words from all the way out here; you know we never got along."

"Chavez wouldn't care what you think Dave," Doc said slowly, "but you should treat your wife better."

Ella glanced at him shocked by his words.

"Now Doc, I know you just didn't tell me what I should do in my own house." Dave smiled wolfishly, a warning glinting in his eyes.

"If you can call this a house!" Doc said, his anger beginning to boil. "You don't change Dave; you never change, still wanting to be a leader of a gang that no longer exists, stop living in the past and leave Billy and all our past where it belongs… buried and at peace!"

Dave stared at him a slight guilty smirk coming to rest upon his lips.

"Don't think I haven't heard what you been doing just over the border in New Mexico, forming a new gang, calling yourselves the 'Regulators'…"

Dave gave a harsh laugh. "Well, you all skinned out like cowards, someone had to carry it on, it's what Billy would have wanted."

"What Billy wanted?!" Doc said heatedly, more enraged at the use of Billy's name in this context than being called a coward. "You never knew Billy! He didn't even like you that much Dave, don't you dare put his name to what you're doing!" He paused. "Billy's dead, I don't want you tainting his memory with men that would rape women and loot everything in sight, that was _never _Billy's way, you know that Dave, you know that!"

Dave gave a small nod. "Yeah, you're right Doc but I gotta get men in my gang somehow and Billy's name still holds good sway over people, it still holds respect."

"Goddammit Dave, it's like I'm taking to a damn horse!" He brushed a hand across his face, the anger and distaste clear in his eyes. "Although a horse would probably have more sense!" He paused, regaining himself, his eyes flicking to where Ella sat still listening. "You'll get caught, you carry on like this and they'll catch you Dave." He paused, "Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing."

Dave grinned wolfishly, "We'll see." He finished the last spoonful of broth. "Till then how about we just leave it lyin' as it is." He paused. "No point in fightin' an' making me kill you at the dinner table Doc" he teased, good humouredly, wanting to stir the conversation away from talk of gangs and Billy.

Doc shifted in his chair, his look saying that he did not wish to leave things as they were but he felt he had no choice, he knew Dave too well to try and talk sense into him.

"Fine Dave, it's your skin" he finally said.

Dave grinned again, "Good." He turned his attention to his wife. "Ella, go and get some wood while we finish this bottle, fire's gettin' low." He held up the whiskey bottle and winked at Doc giving a hissed laugh though his teeth. Ella glanced up at him taking another spoonful of her unfinished food; she narrowed her eyes telling him silently that he could do it himself if he wanted the wood so badly.

"I said now!" Dave said gruffly. His hand came out and knocked the spoon from her grasp, sending it flying half way across the small room with a dull clang. Ella started in surprise, her eyes flying to her husband's. "I said now" he repeated, his voice low.

Doc again shifted uncomfortably in his seat as if he were biting back words that bubbled angrily within his throat.

Ella stood abruptly from the table knocking her chair backwards onto the floor.

"I'm goin'!" she said, biting back her own anger.

She left her half finished broth knowing that by the time she came back Dave would have finished it and she'd be left to fill her hungry stomach up with bread. She opened the door, slamming it a little harder than she had intended behind her. She walked out to the wood pile kicking up the dust with the toes of her worn leather boots, watching as the dirt clouds were caught by the wind and blown away. She stared after them a moment before Dave's horse gave a snort behind where she stood startling her out of her thoughts.

"Yeah, yeah Red" she said, giving the chestnut horse a quick comforting scratch on its neck. "I'll bring you some hay soon enough." She pressed her face into the animal's soft coat. "I wish I could be a damn speck of dust" she sighed, pitying herself. "An' I wish he'd just ride away, 'stead of coming back and making me feel like I'm nothin'." She sighed again, pushing herself from Red and reached out to the nearby wood pile, stacking a few pieces carefully into her arms.

"Do you need any help?"

Ella whirled around on the spot to see Doc stood leaning against the side of the house, drawing on a cigarette.

"No, I'm ok. I can manage just fine" she said with a smile, the surprise abating quickly at the sight of his familiar face.

"I can see that" Doc said, giving her a warm inviting grin, "I don't know how you put up with him."

Ella gave a small laugh, "Neither do I, but I'm stuck with what I got."

"Here," Doc held out her bowl of half finished broth and a clean spoon, "I saved it for you."

Ella gave a smile, "Thanks Doc." She placed the wood down carefully and took the bowl and spoon he offered before greedily finishing off the now lukewarm meal. "I hardly see him though, he's off God knows where half the time" she said through a mouthful, "It ain't so bad." Ella shrugged.

"Do you miss Jane's?" Doc asked, taking in the dark cloud littered sky above them, his gaze narrowing as a wisp of smoke stung his eyes.

"Sure" Ella said, again with a shrug.

"Why not go back, Jane's a good sort, she'd take you back."

"Nah," Ella wiped her hand across her mouth, "I don't reckon I could, I'd feel too strange, that part of my life is over, I don't think I'd want to… besides it was my choice to leave."

"You don't look good Stella" Doc said, concern showing in his bright eyes.

"Yeah, I know" she sighed. "I was sick a few weeks back; I'm well now though - it want nothing to worry over" she rushed, seeing Doc's concern deepen. "Maria, a woman here, she helped nurse me an' I'm nearly back on my feet now."

Doc shook his head and came to stand beside her. "You always did get sick too easy" he commented with a dry smile.

Stella laughed. "That I did, I would always come runnin' to you if you were in White Oaks with Dave and the other boys, I thought you were a real doctor." She gave him an amused but slightly embarrassed look.

"Ah well I could have been, I studied for a year in New Orleans remember?" He laughed, easing her discomfort. "I still don't understand why you chose Dave." He took a last long drag on his cigarette before tossing it to the ground and twisting his boot heel upon it. "You could have had me." His tone was part teasing and part serious.

Ella looked at him with a wry smile. "Ah come on Doc, you liked me in the game like everyone, even like Dave, I was young and pretty… Dave just found out that pretence don't last when you live over the border in a Mexican village with no money."

"You are still young and beautiful, nothin's changed apart from maybe your spirit's dampened a little, it ain't dead and gone yet." He paused. "An' I never saw you as just a Dove Ella." His voice was serious, his steel blue eyes finding her own gaze. "You know that, you know my feelings were…." He gave a low sigh and glanced down at the ground. "I just hate to see you like this, it makes me mad."

Ella turned to Doc, suddenly feeling a small spark flicker somewhere inside of her, struggling to grow into a flame.

"What? You don't have any feelings for me now?" She blurted out the sentence before she could check her words.

Doc gave an embarrassed laugh and glanced away.

"I'm sorry," Ella said, "I shouldn't have asked that." She paused, "I'm just tired is all and Dave just… he just makes things harder I guess." She turned back to look at the buildings about her, wanting to concentrate on anything but the bitter feelings of remorse; tears began to pool in her eyes and she was glad Doc could not see her face.

Doc reached out and placed a hand softly upon her shoulder, unable to think of any words to say to ease her as Ella's body shook a little from unwanted tears of savage disappointment and anger, he hoped that for now it was comfort enough, he could do nothing else.


	2. Chapter 2

Ella and Doc re-entered the house a short time later. Ella placed the wood beside the fire and stoked up the flames.

"That's my girl" came Dave's voice as he reached out and grabbed her around the waist pulling her onto his lap. He nuzzled into her neck, she could smell the reek of whiskey upon his breath and within moments Ella could feel his lust pressing hard against her thigh.

"Back soon Doc" he said, turning to his friend, he stood and grasped Ella's wrist in his hand. "Been quite a few weeks since I last spent some time with my wife." He wore his wolfish grin.

Ella's eyes widened, at least while he was away she was spared his attentions, the possibility that she may have a child's mouth to feed was pushed from her mind until he returned. She had means to prevent it but she hadn't found the time to get more of the substance since his arrival was unexpected. Doc made no reply but poured himself another drink, his jaw becoming set.

Ella let Dave lead her towards the back of the small shack, her determination growing with every step, she couldn't afford to have a child, she just could not chance this. When the small curtain had parted them from where Doc sat she pulled her hand roughly from Dave's grasp.

"Not tonight Dave, we can't" she hissed, hoping that her voice did not carry into the other room.

"What?" Dave turned to face her, his face contorted into an angry frown.

"We can't afford to, we don't have the money if… an' I've just been ill, it just ain't the time."

Dave's hand again grasped her wrist, this time tighter, pinching her skin.

"I say when it's the right time, I'm your husband and you'll do as I say!" he hissed back his voice bearing malice.

Ella shook her head and wrenched her hand from him once again, backing towards the small door that led out to the side of the house. Her back connected with it and her hands fumbled a moment as she stared at Dave, his eyes glinting dangerously.

"Get back here!" he said in a dreadful whisper.

"No." She breathed the word, the effect sounding more as if it had been a sigh, her fingers found the latch and with one fluid movement she had released it and slipped out. Her instant thought was to get to Maria's, at least until Dave had drank himself into a stupor, although by the looks of him he was near enough there even before he had arrived home.

She did not hesitate but began to make her way across the street, thinking that Dave would turn back, preferring a good drink to the trouble of coming after her, it was only a moment before she found out she was wrong. She had not advanced more than two houses worth of street before she felt a hand clutch at her upper arm, the surprise catching her off guard. Before she could register fully what was happening she was being pushed roughly backwards and her back connected with a dull thud against a house wall, knocking the wind out of her for a moment. She had no chance to catch her breath as a stinging slap came hard and fast against her cheek, the aftermath leaving a numb, burning sensation. Within seconds Dave's face was swimming before her eyes.

"Don't you ever, _ever_ do that again!" he said gruffly, poking a finger hard against her breast bone.

Without speaking another word to her he buried his face into her neck, his mouth leaving soft drunken kisses across her skin as he fumbled a moment with his belt and britches.

"Dave…" Ella breathed, hoping that she could get through the intoxicated barrier that had formed around him, "don't…"

He gave a small laugh as if her request were foolish, "Just be quiet."

Ella gave a small struggle against him but his hand curled around her throat pressing her head back against the wall.

"If you hadn't had your little outburst we could be at home in our own bed instead of out in the street" he hissed, meaning for it to sink in that _this_ was her fault. "You're lucky it's late and everyone is asleep." His lips crashed against her own, hurting. She pushed against his shoulders trying to remove him from her, his grip tightened around her neck making her choke and gasp a little, she became still, deciding in that moment to just let him and get the whole thing over with.

He felt her resistance falter and gave a grin. Without another word being spoken between them he pulled her skirts around her thighs and maneuvered her body upwards to rest upon his hips, pushing his full weight against her so that the wall supported her back. With one quick, violent movement he entered her, Ella clutched at his shoulders as her body tried to tighten and reject what was happening, the result only making the experience painful. As he carelessly thrusted, her eyes watered, the tears caused not only by the discomfort but by the humiliation, by hatred for this life…

As his hips ruthlessly continued, his fingers digging into her flesh, sure to leave nasty bruises in their place, Ella glanced up her face twisted in a look of distressed disgust. She saw the outline of a figure upon a horse not too far away, the rider had stopped and the horse pawed the ground a little in impatience. Ella sniffed hard trying to focus upon the person and horse instead on what was happening to her body. The animal moved forward into the light of a nearby window and Ella could make out a man dressed in a large poncho, wide brimmed hat and he appeared to have long hair, although through the darkness she could see no more details but she became acutely aware that he was looking their way, watching them with great interest.

Ella wiped a hand across her eyes, ridding herself of the tears: if the perverted man was truly watching them, getting some strange thrill seeing a woman in distress at the hands of her husband, she would not give him the added satisfaction of seeing her cry. She set her jaw as her body moved in jerked movements against her own will as Dave continued, her eyes locking upon the stranger, her state becoming rigid as Dave let out a low grunt of a moan. After pressing his brow against her breast a moment to catch his breath he roughly pushed her from him, the process making her lose her footing and she ended up crumpled upon the ground as her body only just began to register the shock she felt, she found she was shaking.

Dave buttoned his britches and belt and glanced down at her. "Come back home when your mood is better, you give me a damn headache acting like some woman from the North." He kicked a small amount of dust in her direction and Ella flinched. "You better learn your place or I'll throw you out, ya hear, I don't have time for your shit Ella!"

Ella glanced up at Dave, taking her eyes from the stranger for a moment, knowing he was listening to their conversation.

"You stop drinkin' first!" she retorted, knowing that her words would only fuel his anger further.

"Ah goddamit," Dave said, "stay out here then, see if I mind." He gave her a mock bow. "Don't think I'm playin', you deny me again…" He moved closer, his hand finding a clump of her hair, "I'll get rid of you, ya hear." He roughly let go of her, pushing her backwards. "Tidy yourself up, I don't want Doc seeing you looking… like this." He curled his lip in distaste and then turned from her and began to make an uncertain-stepped journey back to their house.

Ella sniffed again, wiping her sleeve across her nose. After a moment she again turned her attention back to the stranger. He had moved, his horse had taken a few steps forward. She glanced up, suddenly feeling slightly uneasy of what this stranger might be thinking, if he came any closer she'd be certain to scream and bring everyone in the village running.

She struggled to her feet, brushing the dust from her skirts before straightening up with a wince. She again looked up, her eyes connecting with his. Now he was closer she could tell he was young and his eyes gave a glint as the light caught them but his features were still in shadow. For a few seconds they stared at each other before the man pulled casually on his horse's reins and went on his way through the village.

Ella watched after him for a moment before turning in the opposite direction and making her own way back home, at least for tonight she'd sleep at the table with Doc…

---

Ella stopped outside the front door to her home and hesitated, perhaps she'd do well to wait until both men had fallen asleep, if she still looked a mess Dave would surely be unhappy and Doc would fuss far too much. She stood a moment thinking over her predicament and then the destination she had been originally heading for came to her mind, having been forcefully pushed from her thoughts by Dave. She glanced up at the cloudy sky and gave a silent prayer that her friend would still be awake.

As she walked slowly through the deserted streets, she became aware of just how badly her body ached and protested against what had happened to her, Dave had been as rough as he could be, his drunken state not helping the situation but it was not a situation that was new to her by any means. She walked up the small slope that led to Maria's adobe house. She breathed a sigh of relief as she saw that candles were still lit within.

She mounted the steps that led to the door and paused as she heard a raised voice, it sounded like Maria, and by the tone she was angry. Ella wavered a moment, thinking that perhaps now was not the best time to be calling - after all it was a late hour, she shook herself inwardly knowing that Maria would scold her for thinking such a way, Ella knew that she was always welcome at the Garza's. She knocked softly and the voice came to an abrupt halt, then a flurry of hasty whispers and things moving met Ella's ears.

"Who is it?" Maria's voice asked near the door.

"Maria, it's me, Ella, I'm awful sorry to be callin' at such a late hour."

"Ella…" Maria sounded relieved and within a moment the door was opened and Maria's face appeared.

Maria was a Mexican woman in her forties, even after having three children she'd kept a good figure and a fair face but by far her best feature was her beautiful long black hair that she wore loose most of the time.

"If it's a bad time I can go" Ella said, feeling that it was indeed a bad time.

"No importa, come in child." Maria opened the door wide.

"Is everythin' alright Maria?" Ella asked, seeing the frown upon the older woman's face as she stepped into the warm inviting room.

"Si, everything is fine." She glanced towards the cloth that separated the living area from the sleeping area.

"The children asleep? Hope I didn't wake them" Ella asked, hoping to squeeze out of Maria what had gotten her so angry.

"Oh no they have been in bed for hours." She closed the door and followed Ella towards the fire. "My eldest is back in the village." Maria sat down in a chair facing the window and Ella took the one opposite, facing towards the back of the house.

"Oh, I see."

Maria sighed as she picked up a poker and probed at the fire, re-kindling it to a cozy, bright flame. "He is not liked here in the village; I just hope he stays out of trouble."

Ella nodded, not really knowing what to say, having no advice to give on the matter. Maria gave another deep sigh and then seemed to regain herself.

"Idios!" She gave a small grin. "I am forgetting you Ella, why are you here so late?"

"Oh, Dave's back home and well, you know how he gets, I needed some time away from him."

Ella felt Maria's eyes studying her intently in the dim glow of the fire. "You are welcome to stay here as always." She narrowed her eyes, something catching her attention. "What is that?" She reached out before Ella could register what she was referring to and touched the side of Ella's mouth.

Maria pulled her hand back and studied her fingers before again connecting her gaze with Ella's.

"You are bleeding!"

"I am?!" Ella's hand went to her lip and felt a warm liquid was indeed trickling from her bottom lip down her chin and dripping onto her blouse. "Ah dammit."

"I will get you a cloth" Maria said, getting up from her seat and setting about looking for what she sought. "I will get you a drink too, looks as though you need it."

"Thanks" Ella said, trying to wipe the blood from her chin. She stopped her hand still in mid air as she became sharply conscious that someone was watching her from behind the curtain at the back of the abode. She looked over and although he was mainly concealed by shadows, Ella could see the outline of a man peering out, watching everything that was going on. Ella narrowed her eyes trying to gain a better view knowing that this person must be Maria's infamous eldest.

"Here." Maria interrupted her thoughts with the offer of a drink which Ella gladly took. "Now, look up" Maria instructed as she set about the cut with a damp cloth. Ella gave a hiss of pain through her teeth as the alcohol soaked rag dabbed at the wound bringing with it an unpleasant stinging sensation. Maria glanced down at her, her look motherly and knowing.

"So, Dave is back, I gather he did this" she said matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, he was his normal charming self" Ella said in a deadpan voice. "What can I say, I married a prince."

Maria chuckled. "Well it is good to see he has not slapped the wit out of you." She gave Ella a comforting wink. "What did he think you did this time?"

Ella hesitated, her eyes flicking back to the curtain, fully aware that the man was still listening and he didn't seem bothered that she knew he was eavesdropping.

"Best not talked about" Ella said, lowering her eyes a little as Maria pressed hard against her lip, stopping the flow of blood.

Maria gave her a knowing look. "Ah… that man has to understand you cannot make children without being able to feed them." Maria tutted and Ella fought the small blush that rose within her cheeks; normally she felt so open around Maria but with a man sat practically in the room it felt wrong somehow to speak of such things so openly.

Maria removed the cloth and motioned for Ella to drink from her glass which Ella did, sipping carefully.

"You can stay here tonight… maybe you should leave him Ella… he is not good for you."

Ella gave a small smile and winced as the cut stung once more with the aftermath of being treated.

"It ain't so easy." Ella paused, "I got nowhere to go anyway." She glanced up, sensing what Maria was about to say. "Don't go tellin' me I can move here Maria, you have enough to worry about without me addin' to that burden."

**"**Idale!" Maria exclaimed. "Anyway it is late, let us sleep and think upon such things tomorrow, just get yourself a blanket."

"Thanks" Ella said, getting up from her seat and getting a large blanket down from a shelf before curling up upon a make shift bed on a nearby raised pallet and closing her eyes, suddenly feeling a great wave of tiredness wash over her.

"Night Maria."

Maria was already putting out the remaining candles**. "**Dulces sueños Ella."


	3. Chapter 3

Ella arose the next morning feeling as if she'd had a fight with a bear with a sore head. Her entire body ached and protested as she uncurled herself. She quickly pulled her skirt up past her thigh and saw a large bruise already blooming purple and angry across her skin in the place she had fallen the night before. She touched it gingerly and then she felt that same feeling trickle down her spine, unnerving her, she was being watched.

She hurriedly pulled her skirts back down and got to her feet, cringing a little as her body once again gave small disapproving twinges as she moved. She went to the stove and started a small fire, preparing for when Maria and the children awoke, trying to ignore the feeling of eyes upon her. She glanced out of the window and saw that it was only a few hours past dawn but Ella knew Maria would soon be joining her; she wasn't the sort to stay in bed too long.

Not being able to resist taking a quick peek, she looked over her shoulder towards the curtain, but the room beyond was cloaked in darkness and she could not make out any figure. She shrugged, deciding perhaps she was being a little overly jumpy. She let her mind wander as she worked; she wondered if Doc had noticed her absence and if he was worried… she wondered distractedly if the man she had seen upon the horse the night before had been the eldest Garza boy returning home. It was possible, but so many men rode through the town it could have been anyone, even a Texan looking for somewhere to bed down.

It was not long before she heard movement and Maria appeared, yawning and loosely tying her hair out of her face.

"Buenos Dias Ella, you are up early."

"Mornin' Maria, yeah I couldn't sleep too well, how'd you sleep?"

"Iah, not so well either, too many things on my mind." Maria took out an old frying pan and began to prepare a small breakfast.

Ella looked back towards the curtain before leaning towards Maria. "You mean your eldest son?" she whispered.

"Si, Joey…" She paused, her expression becoming pained. "He will not listen, all we do is argue, we can never see things in the same way." She glanced at Ella, "I worry for him… but he will not listen."

Ella nodded. "Well, I don't rightly know what to say to calm your fears Maria… but if he's your son he's gotta have a good heart in him somewhere." Ella picked up a handful of eggs, passing them to Maria to break into the pan. "Teresa and Rafael are good children cause you're a good mother so Joey gotta have good somewhere in him." She trailed off, knowing she was beginning to ramble.

Maria gave a sad nod. "I wish it were as easy and true as that." She broke the eggs and began to fry them. "Truth is Joey is bad, I know it, he knows it, whole village knows it… last news I heard was he was robbing trains."

"Robbing trains?!" Ella said, her eyes widening, "He'll have a posse after him if he ain't careful."

"Oh he is careful" Maria said with a huffed laugh.

"You want me to go wake up the children?" Ella said, sensing that a change in subject was called for.

"Si, breakfast will not be long, I think Joey is gone… I am glad of it Ella, I would rather you did not meet him."

"Alright" Ella said with a warm smile and walked towards the curtain, pushing it aside. Teresa and Rafael were still curled up asleep in the large bed. Ella gave a smile as she watched them slumber; they looked so peaceful that for a moment she regretted having to wake them at all.

Slowly she bent down towards Teresa and planted a small kiss upon her cheek.

"Hey Tessy," she whispered, "time to wake up, your mama's making us all some breakfast."

Teresa's eyes flickered open, staring unseeingly as they always did, but she smiled at the sound of Ella's voice.

"Ella!"

"Mornin' Tessy" Ella said with a smile as Teresa felt her face, checking it was indeed her. "I stayed on last night, thought I'd eat with you all."

Suddenly Teresa's eyes widened, her look becoming slightly distressed. "Is Joey still here?!" Her voice trembled with fear.

"No, your ma thinks he left a while ago Honey, I guess you don't like him much." She stroked the young girl's cheek, comforting her.

"I'm glad – he is bad, I wish he would stay away for good."

"Ah now, I don't think your ma would be happy if he did." She kissed the top of Teresa's head. "Come on now, get dressed and wake Rafael, don't take too long or your food'll go cold."

"Okay Ella" Teresa said, a smile once more appearing upon her lips.

Ella walked back out to where Maria was now setting the table; Ella picked up a few plates and began to help in the task.

"They're just getting' dressed, Tessy don't seem to think much of Joey either, she's such a good girl and likes everyone, seems strange."

"Joey always teases her, hits her sometimes too" Maria replied with a sigh.

"Oh," was all Ella could manage. "I was thinkin' I'd stay on here a little while if that's okay Maria, I don't much feel like goin' home."

"Of course it is okay, as long as you help me with some chores, I have a pile of wood that needs chopping." She smiled.

"Sure I can do that" Ella laughed warmly.

"You have a good long think about that husband of yours, took me four husbands and many admirers before I saw what was good for me and what was not, don't make my mistakes."

"I promise I'll think" Ella said, filling four glasses with buttermilk.

A knock upon the door captured both of the women's attentions. Maria gave a sideways glance at Ella, her look clearly stating she feared Joey was back, but upon opening the door relief flooded them both as Billy Williams, a gnarled kindly Texan who lived in the town greeted Maria warmly.

"Mornin' Mary!" he smiled, using the name he always seemed to call Maria by. He tugged his hat at Ella after seeing she too was in the house. "Mornin' Miss Stella."

"Mornin' Billy" Ella called back with a grin. Billy had always been kind to her and Maria, in fact it was a widely known fact that Billy was very much in love with Maria and wanted to marry her but Maria did not seem to share his affections, despite this fact the two remained good friends and Billy would gladly have gone to the ends of the earth if Maria had bidden him to. Still it was also not unknown that Billy was a damn good shot and could be ruthless if he so desired.

"What are you doing here so early Billy?" Maria asked. "If you want food I can offer you bread."

"No, no Mary, I've already eaten, just thought I'd stop by, check you are alright." He paused as Maria motioned for him to come inside, which he did, removing his hat in the process. "I heard Joey was back in town."

"Iah! The whole village must know already" Maria said in annoyance.

"Yep, they sure do, he was seen ridin' in last night… but the talk is that if he keeps his nose clean they'll leave him be."

"I am glad to hear that, besides he is not here, I have not checked for his horse but he was gone when awoke" Maria said, her attention back upon the cooking meal.

"Maybe he was just passing through, I sure hope so, he's caused you enough trouble Mary."

Maria gave a frown. "He is my son; he will always have a home here." She wiped her hands absently upon her apron. "I will go and see what the children are doing." She bustled out of the room.

Ella turned back to Billy offering him her own cup of buttermilk.

"Joey sure has caused a stir" she said a little slyly, planning to sweeten Billy up into telling her more.

"Yeah, he always does." He gave a wink as thanks for the drink. "His ma can't see he's bad to his core."

"What made him so bad? I mean he can't have been born that way."

Billy took a long drink, the liquid trickled a little down his white beard and he quickly wiped it away. "No, not born that way, Joey was a good boy once, good to his mother and polite, just like little Tessy and Rafael but when Mary married her second husband, nasty piece of work he was..." He paused, checking the curtain to see if Maria was coming back, when he was convinced she was still busy with the children he continued. "He sold Joey to the Apaches, he was only still a small boy then, no older than six I reckon, I tried my darn hardest to buy him back but damn Apaches wouldn't let me, they thought he was lucky, given that he was güero."

Ella gave him a confused look, stating that she did not understand.

"Blonde haired, blue eyed Mexican" Billy clarified. "Well, Joey escaped when he was about thirteen, ran for his damn life, out ran and evaded all the Apache trackers, boy was runnin' scared if you ask me, devil at his heels." Billy again paused, taking another gulp of buttermilk. "He came back to Mary, but by then he was changed, the Joey we all knew was long dead and gone, somethin' had happened to him over those many years, somethin' real bad, somethin' that had tainted his soul… He was silent, hardly talked to no one and seemed to enjoy killin' too much, he gave the butcher Gordo a hand in slaughterin' pigs and goats but he threw Joey out after only two weeks, said he was likin' causing pain too much, I never asked what he meant." He glanced nervously at the curtain again. "Then he started stealin'… first people in the village, then going into Texas, becoming more reckless and one day, he must have been about fifteen, he came back with a new horse and a new rifle. He'd always had a rifle since he got back from the Apaches, but this new one had a good long range, practiced with that damn deadly thing every day; he was near natural at usin' it, lethal as any trained shooter, more so… He can kill someone from a mile away they say, gives me the shivers, way he looks at me all dead-eyed."

Ella went to fill another cup of buttermilk for herself, her brow furrowed in deep thought.

"That poor boy," she whispered, "I wonder what the Apaches did t' him."

"Poor boy!" Billy said, spluttering out a laugh. "You listen here Missy, that boy don't deserve any pity! He's a killer and cruel to boot! You start givin' someone like that pity they'll soon as stab you in the back than smile at you for it." He eyed her almost suspiciously. "I'm just glad you didn't meet him, best to stay clear of his sort, though Mary can't help it, him bein' her son an' all, I'd advise you to stay well clear."

Ella laughed, seeing his face had become red from the effort of his little rant. "Okay, okay I hear ya Billy."

Maria soon appeared with both children in tow.

"Sorry I took so long, Rafael had an accident while he slept, I think Joey coming home scared him a little."

The young boy hung his head and mumbled inaudible words to himself, plucking at his fresh clothes, guilt clouding his eyes.

"Aw Rafael, come sit by me Sweetpea, we'll go find your baby goat after we eat" Ella said, reaching her hand out to the boy.

Rafael gave a lopsided grin and nodded, taking the seat beside her; Ella rubbed his arm reassuring him.

"You want some help washin' the bedclothes after we eat?" she asked, addressing Maria as the older woman helped Teresa to her seat and then began to serve out the now lukewarm food.

"I would be grateful for the help" Maria replied with a smile.

Ella smiled in reply and then joined the family as they began their meal.

---

Ella helped Maria clean the bedclothes and a few shirts in the river that ran through the village.

"You goin' dancin' with Billy again soon? I hear that Laredo holds dances every month now" Ella asked as she pulled a large sheet out of the water and wrung it out, placing it in a woven basket.

"Yes, maybe," Maria said, smiling, "I would like to go with him; we always laugh so much when we dance."

Ella smiled, seeing the woman's face light up at the prospect of a little fun. "I don't know why you don't just marry him."

"I have been married too many times; I do not feel like being married again." She paused in her scrubbing and looked out across the village.

"All your husbands been bad sorts? I mean I don't mean t' pry…"

"No, no it is okay Chica. No, not all of them, there was one that was good… good to me and to my children, he was my third husband, a kind man although he was very lazy." She smiled in memory of better times

"Then… what happened?" Ella asked, almost fearing the answer.

"He was found dead, murdered" Maria said resuming her work with renewed vigor.

"Murdered… I'm sorry Maria… I don't know what t' say."

"He probably had gambling debts or someone after him… I never found out who did it, men always seem to hide who they are, so I was not so surprised."

Ella reached out and touched the older woman's arm in a gesture of solace. "Why don't you go see to the children, I can hang this up for dryin'" she said, seeing that the talk had affected Maria a little.

Maria smiled, "Gracias Ella, I would like that, I feel tired today."

Ella nodded in understanding, "You go on back in and rest, I'll see to this."

Maria smiled once more, her eyes showing how tired she felt. She patted Ella upon the leg before pushing herself to her feet and heading back towards her house.

Ella watched her for a moment, admiring just how strong Maria was after all she had been through, was still going through, she hoped that she could one day have the same mindset.


	4. Chapter 4

Ella gathered up the washing into the basket and stood up, placing it upon her hip. She began to walk back to Maria's adobe and then made her way to the side of the house where the clothes line was strung. She gave a low sigh, shielding her eyes from the sun for a moment and pressing her hands into the small of her back, producing a small but satisfying crack of her bones. Ella set about hanging up the sheets and shirts, pinning them into place with wooden pegs, she popped a few into her mouth for ease of access and hummed random tunes as she worked.

"Hey Ella." Af voice came from the other side of the large bed sheet she had just hung up, the sound startled her, making her drop a few pegs. She moved the sheet aside and came face to face with Doc, he looked tired as if he hadn't slept, his hair was messy and he held his hat in his hands, fidgeting distractedly with the brim. "I heard you were over here, thought I'd come say Mornin' seein' as you didn't come back home last night."

"You startled me!" Ella said in surprised amusement. "You look tired Doc," she commented, gathering up the fallen pegs, "you up late drinkin'?"

Doc frowned, looking a little affronted by her remark. "No, I was worried about you, what happened? You seemed to disappear."

Ella cast her eyes down, becoming engrossed with the shirt she had just picked up. "Dave and I, we just had a little fight" she lied. "I decided I'd come on over to my friend Maria's, get a bit of peace."

Doc narrowed his eyes, easily sensing the waver within her voice. "That bruise on your mouth tells more of a story Ella" he said darkly. "Did he hurt you?"

Ella's hand flew to her lip, she'd forgotten about it… She tried to avoid his gaze, looking for anything else to focus upon. "I don't think we should talk about this Doc… between me an' Dave." She sniffed. "Besides I'm okay, I won't break from a slap."

"I think it's my business if he's hurting you" Doc said resting a hand upon her shoulder.

Ella felt a sudden jolt at his touch and glanced up at him unable to stop the flash of a blush that appeared upon her cheeks. She let the shirt fall from her hands, her fingers suddenly feeling numb. Quickly she turned from him making her way to where, she didn't know, just knowing that she had to get away from him within this moment.

Doc didn't have any intention of letting the conversation rest and came after her, gently grabbing her arm and preventing her flight.

"Ella." He said her name in a breathless whisper, his tone voicing his need and desire for her to listen; he made her turn to face him.

Ella tried to avoid his gaze but his leather gloved hand came to her chin, guiding her face up so he could look upon her fully.

"You aren't happy, any damn fool can see this life is killing you, I can't stand to watch you fading!" His words were full of passion and meaning. "You stay with a man that beats on you, hurts you, you don't even love him, you love the dream he projected he was!"

Ella wanted to fight, to pull away, to scream and yell, pummel her fists against his chest and shout that his words were lies, how dare he claim to know her so well… how dare he tell the truth… Instead she felt like all the strength had drained from her as if Doc had just ripped off the mask that was keeping her sane, keeping her upon her feet. She felt her body sway, her legs becoming heavy and Doc's hands were upon her shoulders steadying her, his light blue eyes concerned.

She gave a strange gasp as if she had been holding her breath and then the tears came hot and wet, unstoppable and painful. She took another deep breath as her body began to shake with sobs. Doc pulled her quickly to him, his lips pressing against her hair, hushing her and telling her everything was going to be alright.

"I don't know what I'm doin' anymore" she wailed between sobs. Doc stroked her back, consoling her and easing her tears a little.

"It's not the end yet." He pulled back, his thumbs wiping away the tears upon her cheeks. "You can still have a life, a good life, you just got lost is all." He tried to smile but his eyes were pained at seeing her distress.

Ella sniffed, her tears abating. "I've done some bad things Doc, I've been so damn unhappy and I felt trapped." She looked up at him feeling her insides squirming with the confessions she wanted to tell and unburden herself from. "I've been goin' out to the old Indian woman that lives up in the cave past devil's rock… she's been givin' me medicine to stop…" She closed her eyes briefly as she suppressed a sob. "To stop me havin' a child…" She paused again watching Doc's expression, his eyes widened. "I know you must think me a bad woman for doin' it Doc, but I just couldn't have his child, I just couldn't!" She covered her mouth with her hand to try and control the fresh wave of tears that threatened to engulf her.

"I don't think you're a bad woman Ella, I don't think you did the wrong thing, havin' to deal with Dave and a baby would have been hard on you, I understand." He rested his hand upon her shoulder. "But you shouldn't go to witch doctors, you might be takin' poison." He paused, "Will you least let me take a look at it if you get anymore?"

Ella nodded. "Yes" she said through a sob and Doc again brought her into his arms, hugging her tightly to him.

"I'm here now" he soothed and then fell silent as Ella again reclaimed herself.

"I don't mean to put on you Doc, you've always been good t' me an' I'm thankful for it." She pulled away from him a little and gave him a weak smile.

"Ella," Doc sighed, "I've been keeping something from you, for a long time, since you worked at Jane's." He paused as Ella smoothed away the remaining tears upon her cheeks. "I can't stand Dave, you know that, Christ even he knows it…" He glanced at her, his eyes suddenly nervous.

Ella looked up at him waiting for him to continue.

"I come because of you, cause I worry for you, want to see you." He fumbled again with the brim of his hat. "Truth of the matter is that… well… I have feelings for you" he blurted a little clumsily.

Ella stared at him a moment shocked into silence, she'd always known Doc was fond of her, but now right before her he was confessing his love… Love was so much more confusing than fondness.

"I…I" Ella stuttered, not quite knowing how to react. "I don't know what to say…" she finished, deflated, finding no words came easily but feeling her heart beat a little faster as he reached out, taking her hand in his own.

"You don't have to say anything" he whispered, moving closer. His hand holding his hat came to rest at the small of her back, pulling her gently to him in a warm embrace. He hesitated, their faces mere inches apart, his eyes trying to read her gaze. Slowly he bent and his lips softly pressed against her own taking full possession of her mouth in a heated yet tender kiss. He let the hand that had been holding her own come to her cheek, caressing her skin, following the line of her jaw. The smell of his leather gloves, of him invaded her senses and she could think of nothing she wanted more than to be with this man, to have him as her husband instead of Dave, have him as the father to her future children. The thoughts sent a small thrill shooting up her spine. His kiss became more passionate, his tongue slipping easily past her lips and finding her own, massaging it sweetly, his lips were soft and he took his time letting the feelings the kiss caused cover them both. His fingers stroked through her hair before the kiss began to subside, to small feathered brushes and finally he pulled back completely, his hand again finding her cheek and cupping it gently within his palm.

He rested his forehead against hers a moment and closed his eyes, Ella suddenly felt like grinning, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him once again. It was in this bliss filled moment that she again felt the disquieting feeling that someone was watching her. She glanced up in time to see the large sheet blowing in the wind, revealing a figure stood a little away from them, watching Doc and herself intently. She could not gain any real details other than it was a man in a wide brimmed hat before the wind retreated and the cover fell back down hiding him from view.

Ella's eyes widened, what was she doing?! She was a married woman, it didn't matter whether her husband was right for her or not, she'd taken an oath before God not to betray him and she was on her way already to becoming a sinner, standing here happily within another man's arms. Until she was parted officially from Dave she could be with no other man, it was God's way. She pulled roughly away from Doc's embrace, her eyes cast down.

"We can't… we shouldn't… this isn't right" she mumbled.

"Ella…" Doc began, but she cut off any sweet words that may have been upon his tongue.

"I think you should go, leave the village…" She turned from him, her arms coming to hug herself.

"What's wrong?"

"This is wrong, I'm married," she whispered, "and I ain't a whore no more."

"I know that Ella, talk to me… don't shut me out!" He turned her forcibly to face him. "You feel something for me too; I felt it when we kissed." His words bore a note of pleading.

"It don't matter what I feel." She paused, "I ain't sayin' no Doc, I'm sayin' not now, not till Dave and I are through, I can't just run off with you still married to another!"

"But you would run off with me?" Doc asked giving a weak grin.

Ella tried to smile but only managed a twitch. "I don't know." She raised her hand to her brow, "I don't know… I need t' think, I need time t' think."

"I don't mind what you decide, if you don't choose me I'll understand, but for God's sake Ella, leave him, please." He placed a hand upon her arm and Ella finally managed a small smile.

"I'll think hard on it" Ella said, wishing to no longer have this conversation; her head was beginning to hurt.

"I'll be back in a few months; if you want to leave I'll take you, to wherever you want to go." He said returning his hand to his hat.

"Okay, I'll try and have an answer…"

"I'm going straight now, I don't know if that means much after all I've done but I'm goin' to try and be a better man, a man I hope'll be someone you'll be proud of."

Ella reached out, a warm grin spreading across her lips, "I've always been proud of you Doc." Doc held her hand to his cheek a moment before letting her go and putting his hat upon his head.

"I'll see you soon, be careful Ella, stay with your friends... I'll write." Doc tugged the brim of his hat as he spoke.

"I will, you be careful too, stay out of trouble."

Doc grinned and, turning, he began to walk away.

"I will" he shouted back over his shoulder.

Ella watched him a moment, her thoughts thrown into a confused mess by the recent events, she finally turned back to the left over clothing and with a long sigh she set about finishing her task of pegging it up.

---

"Ella, what is the matter - you look like you've seen a ghost" Maria said as Ella returned from her chore, she rushed forward, wiping her hands quickly upon her apron before guiding Ella into a seat.

Ella stared unseeing a moment, her thoughts too lost in what had just happened to hear her friend clearly. She shook herself, "I'm sorry Maria, what did you ask me?" she asked, finally meeting the older woman's concerned gaze.

"I asked what was wrong" Maria said fetching a stiff drink to bring Ella around a little, she forced the mug into Ella's hand. "Drink this, it will help."

Ella obeyed, grimacing as the sharp taste hit the back of her throat, she gave a small cough. "Doc came to see me."

"Doc Scurlock?"

"Yeah, he pretty much told me he loves me." Ella gave a dry sounding laugh. "He wants to take me away." She drained the last of her drink in one go.

"Iah!" Maria exclaimed. "What did you tell him?"

"I, well, I told him I was married and I couldn't just go runnin' off with anyone."

"You are a fool" Maria said, her words were harsh but her face was kindly and understanding. "You have a chance of a good life with him." She bent upon her haunches before Ella, catching the younger girl's eyes. "What are your feelings for Doc?"

"My feelin's?" Ella hesitated. "I feel good when he's around, kinda happy with flutterin' in my stomach." She laughed lowly, "I like Doc, I don't know if I love him… would it be right to go with a man I'm unsure I love?"

"Hmm, it is a hard question. Do you think you could be happy with Doc, happier than you are now?"

"I think anythin' would be better than how I am now."

"Then you have your answer, go with Doc, at least see if you have any true feelings for him and get away from your husband." Maria gave a small nod and rose, going back to kneading bread dough.

"I don't really want to leave here Maria, I mean I don't want to leave you an' Tessie an' Rafael, you're close to me as kin could be."

"Ah don't worry about us Ella, if I could leave here I would." She winked comfortingly. "Why don't you just think upon it for a few days, get some things from home and bring them back here?"

"I'd be real grateful for that Maria; I think it will be best for now. I think I've known that I got to leave Dave, we're bad for each other, like rubbing a dog's fur the wrong way, we always seem to get the other riled." She gave a small sigh and glanced out the window. "Guess there's no time like the present, I'll go get it over and done with, it's still early maybe he'll still be passed out."

"Si, I hope so for your sake chica, just come back as quickly as you can."

Ella nodded, "I will".

---

Ella entered the small house as quickly and quietly as possible. The rooms were silent save for a distant snoring sound coming from the bed behind the curtain.

She crept as softly as she could across the dirt floor, acutely aware of any noise she made, her hearing straining for any sound that would tell her Dave had awoken. She opened the drawers as quietly as she could and bundled up a large pile of clothing. Dresses, bloomers, stockings and corsets were all hurriedly gathered, along with a small tintype of her mother and a few other personal artifacts. But before she had finished Dave's snoring stopped, she heard him yawn, the bed creaked as he shifted his weight to a sitting position.

"Stella?" Dave's groggy voice came from behind the curtain.

Ella rolled her eyes up to the ceiling cursing her bad luck. "Yeah Dave?" she called back, edging slowly towards the door.

"Is Doc gone?"

"Yeah Dave." She'd nearly made it across the room.

"Make me some coffee will ya', my head's achin'."

Ella felt her anger breaking through. "Make it ya self!" she spat, scolding herself even before the last word had passed her lips. "I'm goin' to stay at Maria's, don't you be comin' around, you know she keeps a rifle and Billy don't like you much neither."

There was no reply and Ella took her chance of escape, slipping out of the door. She knew it would take Dave a moment to process what had just happened, given how much drink he must have consumed the night before, he'd be in no fit state to come after her today.

She gave a small smile and set off once more for Maria's.


	5. Chapter 5

The days passed pleasantly until a week had flown by. Dave thankfully took the hard hint and left Ella be for the time being. Billy had said he'd keep an eye out and warn him off if he got wind that Dave was planning anything. Ella found that Maria became more relaxed in her presence: having a young pair of hands to help with the cooking, chores, children and midwife duties of the village gave Maria time to rest and gather her strength and this gave the older woman a new glow about her, she smiled more and seemed to enjoy the day to day goings on to a greater extent than she had done in past months.

Ella often reflected on what a strong woman Maria was, wishing that she too could go through the troubles in her life with her head held high just as Maria seemed to. Ella had heard talk of Maria's past husbands in the village, it seemed all but one had been harsh with her, beating her and treating her as if she were no more to them than a possession. Yet still she fought on, her children were her life and she battled against all odds to make sure they would not have to endure the same hardships she herself had faced. Maria often told Teresa that she would not allow her to marry any man unless she approved fully, he had to have a good temper and a good heart… Ella knew such men were rare and hard to find, most were already married - the cruel trick life always seemed to do was to dangle something you couldn't have before your eyes. But Teresa was adamant that she would not marry, she said she would never have a need for a husband, she had her mother and her brother and she would be separated from neither… It did not pass Ella's attention that the eldest son Joey was never part of any future plans the strong willed girl had.

"Rafael!" Ella scolded softly as the young boy sat himself at the table carrying his baby goat under his arm, bleating to it in a tuneful song only he understood. "Go put your goat outside while we eat, the table is no place for a goat."

Rafael smiled and gave a small nod doing as he was bid and putting the goat back into a pen with the other animals Maria's household kept, Ella followed him watching with a warm smile.

"Now go sit down, food'll be ready soon" she said, giving the boy a pat upon his back as he wandered inside.

Ella took a deep breath of the clean evening air; she could hear the trickle of the river nearby, it sounded almost like tiny bells chiming. She closed her eyes listening for a moment, the sound reminding her of a small music box her mother had kept upon her dressing table. She quickly opened her eyes, she never liked to dwell upon the past, for every good memory there were two bad ones. She let her gaze wander over the village taking in the small details of the peaceful dusk. Her mind was upon Doc, where he was right now at this very moment, if he was safe and just what had he meant when he said he was going straight. Perhaps he really would become a bank clerk, the thought made her smile; he would better suit a poet or writer… She wondered when his first letter would come and what it would contain, would he reaffirm his feelings and would she know from his words what her own heart desired? She gave a small smile, her eyes settling upon the place where the horses were normally tethered, sometimes just the sight of Maria's old nag of a horse brought a strange joy to Ella's heart, most people would have put the skinny beast to death long ago but not Maria she valued those that had been faithful to her and the nag had been by her side through many travels. Ella's eyes widened in surprise as she saw that a new black horse had been tied there, one she could have sworn was not there when she had first looked out. She narrowed her eyes, scanning the area but could not see anyone in the quickly growing evening dusk.

She turned back into the house closing the door softly behind her before hurriedly walking to Maria, knowing that the horse's presence may signify that Joey had once again returned and the young children would not be happy to hear it.

"Maria" she whispered.

"Hmm?" Maria answered, stirring the pan.

"There is a horse tethered out back, a black horse." She glanced at the children making sure they were engrossed with setting the table.

Ella saw Maria visibly stiffen, "Just now?"

"Yeah, I could swear it wasn't there not two moments ago." Ella studied the older woman as Maria closed her eyes as if in pain.

"It is Joey, I am sure of it" she sighed. "Stay with my children Ella, I will go and see why he is here again so soon."

Ella nodded and took over the task of stirring the stew as Maria headed for the door.

Teresa, always able to sense anyone's movements without seemingly any effort looked up from placing a plate upon the table. "Mama?" she questioned, her brow furrowing. "Where are you going?"

"I need some air, you stay and eat, I will be back soon."

"It's okay Tessie" Ella put in, trying to keep her voice light and even.

Maria left and Ella began to serve up the meal.

"Ella?" Teresa asked, picking up her spoon and looking in Ella's general direction.

"Yes Honey?" Ella said, serving herself last.

"Joey is back isn't he?"

Ella gave a low sigh. "You're a smart girl Tessie, don't worry, your Ma is dealin' with it. She won't let him hurt either of you, and I'm here now, so he'll have to deal with me too."

Teresa gave a small smile and set about eating her food.

---

It seemed a long time before Maria again returned, Ella noticed that she was alone and wondered if she had finally told her wayward son there was no place for him here until he changed his ways.

"Ella," she said, looking a little flustered, "is there enough food for two more bowls of stew? Joey is staying for a while."

"Yes, there's enough" Ella said, her senses coming back to her and reminding her that Maria would never turn away one of her own children no matter the circumstances.

"But Mama!" Teresa began to protest.

"Not another word Teresa, he is your brother!" Maria said, ending any further objections. "Ella, just ignore him when he comes in."

Ella nodded slowly, suddenly feeling as if she'd rather be elsewhere.

She bent her head focusing upon her food, trying hard to make herself not even flinch when he entered. The tension that the village, the family had built up around him made it hard to not feel a slight flutter of fear but mixed within it was a burning curiosity about this boy that had everyone so skittish. She didn't have to wait long before she heard the sound of heavy footfalls accompanied by the clink of spurs. She chanced a quick glance up, but dared not look upon him for more than a few seconds. He appeared to be small in height, perhaps only a few inches taller than herself, he had light hair, long to his shoulders, his hat brim shadowed most of his face and his clothing was covered in desert dust. He carried a long rifle; Ella couldn't help but think back upon what Billy had said about his 'deadly' rifle.

"Here Joey" Ella heard Maria say and assumed she had handed him a bowl of food.

There were no words of thanks, in fact silence reined for a moment. Ella felt her muscles stiffen, waiting. She heard his boots scrape towards her and the table but thankfully he stopped a few feet away.

"You are letting gringos stay with you now Mama?" His voice was calm and had a strange hint of mocking cruelty to it. "I don't like gringos in my house."

"Well Joey, it is a good thing it is not your house, sit down and eat your food" Maria instructed.

"I will not sit at a table with a gringo!" he sneered.

"Sit by the fire then" Maria said, unconcerned, "Ella is welcome here."

Ella heard Joey give a hiss of laughter and knew it was directed at her back. "I don't think I will eat this food" he jeered slowly, his words purposeful.

"Just eat it!" Maria commanded.

"No!" Joey's voice exploded, making Ella and the children jump in shock. "I will not eat anything this gringo has touched!" His voice was once again calm but bore a note of hidden anger. Without warning he hurled the bowl casually at the wall behind the table, the bowl shattered upon impact leaving the food to slide slowly down the wall in clumps.

Ella reached out to Teresa as the young girl gave a soft whimper. "It's okay Honey" she whispered, wrapping Teresa's hand in her own. She gave a chanced glance over her shoulder and saw that Joey was now flinging food from the cupboard, trying to find something he wished to eat.

"Joey!" Maria scolded, her hands upon her hips. "Go into the bedroom and give us all some peace, your temper is bad tonight."

Ella saw Joey stop, he lunged menacingly at Maria making the older woman flinch, but he did not touch her, his intention was just to frighten and intimidate. He gave a hint of a smirk before picking a loaf of freshly made bread up and heading to the bedroom, Ella made sure she was not looking his way as he passed.

It took a moment for Maria to regain herself and then she joined them at the table, her face was paler than normal and she was visibly a little shaken.

"You okay Maria?" Ella whispered, she did not mean to lower her voice but found she couldn't help herself.

"Si, I'm fine… Joey is tired, he always has a bad temper when he is tired… after he sleeps he will be better."

Ella tried to smile comfortingly but doubted if Maria's words had any ring of truth to them.

---

The next week passed as if the whole family were walking upon eggshells. Luckily for all of them Joey seemed to sleep in late, not getting out of bed until midday at the earliest and Ella found that she and the children were normally out doing chores or buying food at that time. By the evening, when they returned Joey would have made his way to one of the local drinking holes and would not return. If Ella did have to stay in the house she never saw him, he seemed to keep to himself avoiding any company. But sometimes she felt eyes watching and knew he was lurking behind the curtain observing all the goings-on of the house as if he were a strange guardian, menacing and foreboding, his shadow seemed to linger long after he had departed.

---

Ella stumbled into the house, Teresa at her heels. Ella's head ached and her hands were covered in blood. A woman of the village had just given birth to a baby girl, the hours of labor had been grueling and full of blood, screaming and worries but the babe and mother had both survived. Maria had sent Ella back home saying she looked like she was about to be sick and indeed Ella did feel a little nauseated. It had been her first time helping with a birth instead of watching and it had been a hard ordeal to endure.

Ella quickly washed her hands in a bucket of cool water before throwing the contents upon the small crop of corn and chilies that stood beside the house. She wandered back in, removing her blood smeared apron and walked over to the small mirror that rested on the wooden fire surround. She glanced up; taking in her features… she looked tired, her hair was a mess, having come loose from her carefully placed hairstyle. She gently pulled out the hairpins, letting her long hair fall free to the small of her back. She ran her fingers through it, giving her scalp a small massage to ease the tightness the style sometimes caused.

She clumsily tidied a few items up that were out of place around the house and as she worked she again felt that familiar feeling of being watched. She gave an annoyed sigh, shooting a narrow-eyed look to the curtain.

"You keep on watchin'!" she said, knowing he'd hear her words, she'd become tired of the occurrence, tired of knowing he did not want her in the house.

Finally she walked back to the fire and let her tired body flop into a chair.

"I'm just goin' to rest my eyes a minute" Ella said; sleep already making her voice sound a little deeper. "Come sit down by me Tessie, get warm by the fire." She held out her hand for Teresa to aid the young girl onto the comfortable rug. "Don't let me sleep too long, I want to have food cooking for when your Ma gets home, she'll be bone tired I reckon."

"Okay Ella" Teresa said.

Ella stroked the young girl's head a moment before sleep claimed her fully.

---

"ELLA!"

Ella sat bolt upright in her chair as the screaming and shouting of her name pierced through the barrier of sleep. She glanced about wildly, the jolt making her mind work slowly for a moment until her senses finally caught up.

"What on earth!" She looked down as Teresa clawed frantically at her skirts.

"Ella wake up please!" Teresa screamed, tears falling down her pretty cheeks.

"Tessie, Honey, I am awake, what on earth is wrong?" Ella reached down, letting Teresa feel her hands, this action seemed to comfort the young girl and she relaxed a little. But Teresa did not lose her agitation; her fingers clung to Ella's hand as if for dear life.

"What's wrong?" Ella asked again.

"It was Joey" Teresa said, trying to stem her tears with her free hand. "He was here."

Ella gave a low sigh and looked around the room, her eyes adjusting to being fully awake. "You know Joey is here Tessie, he came last week." Ella rubbed her eyes, patting the girl's hand tenderly. "I know he scares you but he's gone now, probably drinkin', he won't be back anytime soon." Ella pushed herself out of the chair and helped Teresa to her feet.

"I'll get us a drink huh? It's warm in here" Ella smiled, making her voice light, trying to calm the girl's fears.

"No, Ella!" Teresa caught her hand in a hard grip, her fingernails digging into skin, demanding that Ella paid attention. "He was thinking of hurting you!"

"Hurtin' me?" Ella huffed a small laugh. "Why'd he do that?"

"Because he hates all gringos." She paused, her face looking distraught. "I heard him walk out from the bedroom, he came right over to where you slept, I heard him touch you!"

"Touch me?" I didn't feel anythin', I'm sure I would have woken up" Ella said, saying the words more to try and reassure Teresa, but she felt a welling of uneasiness filling her stomach.

"He did, I think your hair…" Teresa's hand clutched hard once more, she paused, wiping again at her tear stained cheeks. Ella felt the uneasy feeling grow and touched her hair on impulse.

"I tried to move to wake you when I knew it was him, but he told me he would cut my throat and feed me to the dogs if I made a sound." Teresa lunged forward, clinging to Ella's middle. "I heard him take out his gun, he was aiming it at you, I know it!" The girl sobbed, her face pressed against Ella's shoulder as she wept. "I was so scared he would kill you so I screamed."

Ella wrapped her arms around Teresa and stroked her hair hushing her with soft words of comfort.

"Ah now Honey, maybe you were dreamin' huh?" She pulled back and wiped at Teresa's cheeks. "Joey wouldn't just kill a woman for no reason; I think you heard wrong Honey is all." Ella pulled her back into a tight embrace.

"No, I was not dreaming" Teresa mumbled.

---

Ella couldn't help the sense of unease that crawled around her heart after this event, whether Teresa had heard right or not the thought that he had been around while she slept, while she was so vulnerable sent a sickening shiver up her spine.

She made sure to stay out of the house as much as she could, taking both Teresa and Rafael with her on her chores knowing they'd both rather be away from their older brother too. She found she spent many a day with Billy playing cards and laughing, Billy was good with the children, would have made a good father and taught them many fun tricks and spun old exciting tales of his past and various legends he had heard upon his travels. Although he was nearly blind and his limbs were stiff he had once been a great scout and rumor had it an accurate shot. Ella had never seen any side to him other than the kindly old man that was now sat before her, but she believed the tales of him being ruthless, even good men could do bad things in life.

Ella rocked herself quietly in an old rocking chair as she listened to Billy's latest tale, enthralling both Teresa and Rafael. Suddenly Billy's voice stopped, his words fading. Ella opened her eyes and saw what had caught Billy's attention, Dave was heading their way.

Ella rolled her eyes. "Christ, don't I get any peace" she said, sitting up in preparation for whatever it was he wanted.

"Who is it Ella?" Teresa asked with interest.

"It's alright Honey, it's just my Dave."

As Dave approached the small porch they sat upon, he removed his hat and pushed back his scruffy hair.

"Ella, I'd like to talk to you alone if ya can spare a minute."

Ella sighed loudly, "Dave, I ain't goin' to go somewhere alone with you, I ain't stupid."

"Well maybe Billy will let us use his house a moment." Dave looked at Billy.

Billy squinted, looking as if he wouldn't spit on Dave if he were on fire. "I guess ya can, you just shout me Ella if ya need me ya hear?"

"I hear ya Billy" Ella said, getting out of her seat, "I won't be long." She led the way into the house and closed the door after Dave.

"What do you want?" she asked, turning to look at him and not giving him a chance to begin with any of his normal sweet talk.

"I wanted to tell you that I miss you Ella, come on home and stop bein' so stubborn" Dave said, looking at her with a narrowing of his eyes.

"I don't want to come home; I'm happy where I am" Ella said, watching him intently, trying to read what he would do next.

"But you're my wife!" Dave said, trying to hold back his anger. "I married you cause I knew we were right together."

Ella sighed, putting her hands on her hips. "Dave, you and I ain't no more right for each other than oil and water." She rubbed her brow absently, "I need some time alone, neither of us were happy…"

Dave narrowed his eyes further. "Well fine then!" he spat, his temper winning through. "I wish I'd never married a god damn whore anyhow, only good for one thing and I don't even get that willingly no more!"

Ella sighed again knowing his words were trying to bait her into an argument. "Just go home Dave."

Dave shoved his hat upon his head and flung the door open letting it crash back into the wall with a loud thud. Ella watched as he stormed past Billy and the children and the thought crossed her mind that perhaps she was finally rid of him.

"I hear he's been causin' a stir at the saloon, bragging an' such." Billy said squinting at her, something that he often did because of his poor eyesight. "He should learn to hold his temper; someone might not take kindly to his braggin' and threats."

Ella sighed, "He's always been that way Billy, always will be I guess…" She paused, "Always said it'd end him in trouble, maybe one day it will." She returned back to her rocking chair, intent on enjoying the rest of her day.


	6. Chapter 6

Ella brought Teresa and Rafael back to Maria's. The sky was just beginning to darken and she knew that at least when they returned Joey would be out drinking, leaving them in peace for a few hours. Maria was already preparing food for dinner when they entered the small adobe.

"Ah you are back" Maria said with a warm smile. "Did you have fun at Billy's?" she asked, hugging both of her children to her. Rafael nodded excitedly while Teresa smiled.

"Yes, Mama, he told us many stories."

"I bet he did" Maria laughed, kissing her daughter's cheek.

Ella couldn't help her eyes being drawn to the curtain, even though she knew Joey was most likely out it did not help in curbing her nervousness when she looked into that dark room.

"He is gone" Maria said with a knowing tone.

"He is?" Ella said, returning her gaze to the older woman.

"Yes, he was gone this morning."

Ella gave a nod, her heart feeling slightly gladdened by the news.

---

Maria and Ella sat and the table, the fire warming them. Teresa and Rafael were both in bed and sleeping soundly. Ella told her friend all about Dave's visit and they laughed together, teasingly calling him names and debasing him. But as was so often the case with Maria lately the conversation soon turned to Joey.

"I wish my boy would settle down, I don't know why he will never listen, he was such a good boy." Maria looked at her hands as if seeing something no one else could upon her palms.

Ella hesitated, "Billy told me what happened to him when he was a boy… maybe he never recovered, he seems real angry."

"Si, he is angry and hurt… I see it in his eyes, in my poor boy's eyes." Maria's voice cracked a little but she regained herself quickly. "He blames me, I know, for what happened…" She paused, "My second husband was cruel, he sold my Joey for drinking money, and I could not stop him, I could not get my son back."

Ella listened, her heart aching at the look upon her friend's face.

"When Joey came back, he was not my Joey… he had changed. He was cruel and would not talk much; I thought if I just pretended nothing had happened to him, that I forgave him all he had done for the Apache he would be happy again." Maria covered her eyes. "I think what I did only made things worse, and when I knew my mistake I tried to get him to talk and let all his hurt out, but he would tell me nothing, he had only hard words for me."

Ella took Maria's hand in her own, squeezing comfortingly.

"Even my third husband, he was so kind Ella, you would have liked him… but even he could not help my Joey, Joey hated all my men." She paused, smiling weakly at Ella's act of support. "He hates his little brother and sister with such passion, it frightens me… I worry for them."

"Ah Maria, Joey wouldn't hurt them, they are his kin, and blood is strong" Ella tried to reassure.

"Blood can easily be spilt" Maria said, rising from her seat. "Come it is late" she said, finishing the conversation.

---

Another two days passed, Ella became glaringly aware that it had been over two weeks since she had last seen Doc. Her heart gave a strange tug within her breast whenever she thought upon him and the more time that passed the more she felt the need to see his face once again. But not all her thoughts lingered upon bleak things, the cold was finally abating and spring was well underway, the days becoming longer, brighter and warmer.

Dave of course still kept trying to see her; it was his way, she knew him too well to feel mad by his actions. The more he knew he couldn't have something the more he wanted it and he knew he couldn't have her. He'd shown up at Maria's with flowers, pretty words, rants and rages. Each time it was different but Ella knew given enough time he would grow bored and go and find himself a new place with new women.

Ella stood outside weeding in the small corn plot at the side of the house. Rafael was inside the house with his goat and Teresa sat nearby by on the steps running up to the adobe, she was chatting happily about her newly hatched chicken. She patted it tenderly, enjoying the soft, fluffy feathers against her skin, a warm smile upon her face that made her look so happy that it touched Ella's heart.

"I think that's goin' t' be a rooster" Ella said with a small laugh.

"Do you think so Ella?" Teresa said in excitement. "I will look after him so he is the best rooster in the village!"

"I bet you will do just that. I'm nearly done with weedin', we can go on in soon and start supper, your Ma won't be long checkin' Miss Efenia and her baby."

Teresa gave a nod and turned her attention back to the chick, her smile not faltering. She got up and began to walk down the path stretching her legs, she knew the surroundings so well that Ella never fretted she would stumble despite the fact she could not see her surroundings. Ella smiled and moved further into the corn. It seemed as if these past days had been good, the time had passed pleasantly, Dave annoyed her but he couldn't touch her, not if he couldn't get her alone and Ella made sure she was never alone around him.

Her attention was suddenly caught by a figure walking towards them taking the path that led to Maria's house; she had been lost in her own thoughts and hadn't been paying much attention. Ella stopped, shading her eyes from the sun for a moment. With growing dread she realized exactly who it was but he was upon them before she could make a move.

Joey strode in certain steps towards Teresa, she had sensed someone was coming and had stopped, perhaps assuming it was Maria but it was only a split second before she knew exactly who it was that approached she tried to back up a few steps but it was too late, he was too fast. He wrenched the chick from her hands and without a hint of an expression crossing his face, squeezed. Ella was already trying to push through the corn but the stems made any fast movement near impossible as they caught and pulled at her skirts. Joey let the dead chicken fall to the ground, his only pleasure in killing the poor animal was to see his little sister cry, he pushed against her roughly, shoving her out of his way. Ella felt her anger bubbling, her face felt suddenly hot from it, she saw Joey continue walking, a small ghost of a smile passing over his lips. His eyes were cold and his stride did not break as he began to make his way to the adobe.

Ella felt her anger boil over as she watched little Teresa's tears fall, she had picked up the little chick and was holding it to her breast. It had only been a chicken, there would be many more, but still it had been a cruel thing to do and Ella couldn't stand to see anyone upset little Tessie.

"Hey!" she called, finally freeing her skirts clumsily and appearing from out of the hidden place fully. Joey did not turn at the sound of her voice. Ella pursed her lips in annoyance and set after him. "I said Hey!!" she shouted, her voice demanding he stop.

Slowly the man before her turned, his eyes casting a cool look over her but he did not speak.

"What do you think you're doin'?!" Ella said heatedly. "You can't just wander in here and disrupt people; you had no right to kill that chicken, it was cruel!" She narrowed her eyes at him as he continued to watch her coolly. "You need to learn some manners boy!"

Joey remained silent and still, his unexpected reaction caused Ella to suddenly feel nervous and her resolve faltered, she was used to getting just as much verbally as she gave out, but this man was different…

"I don't have time for this!" she blustered, trying to cover the fact that his disconcerting gaze had made her falter. "There's food to be cooked." She turned back towards Teresa. "Come on in Honey, we'll find you another Rooster." Teresa wiped at her cheeks but refused to let the dead bird go, she began to walk towards the house. Ella stood, almost as if on guard as Teresa passed her and made her way into the adobe, Ella kept her gaze upon Joey's shadow, making sure he didn't try to hurt Teresa again in any way, although if she was honest with herself she had no idea what she'd do if he did.

Without glancing at him she began to follow Tessie inside, as she walked she heard Joey's footsteps begin behind her, they sounded quick, far too quick to be a casual walk. Ella tried to resist the urge to look behind her but she could feel him gaining and her heart began to beat hard and scared within her chest. Finally she could take the sensation no longer and spun around on her heel, meaning to give him another piece of her mind once again.

But although she stopped Joey did not, his quick, certain steps continued, his eyes menacingly upon her, sending a cold shiver through her flesh. Ella could do nothing else but back up as he advanced, her mouth opened in surprise as she fought to find anything to say.

He herded her easily past the door and to the side of the house that was hidden from the village's view, Ella soon found she had nowhere left to go. She stared at the young man before her, for the first time actually fully seeing the features of his face. He was young, almost baby faced; his skin was sun kissed and a light tan colour, standing in startling contrast to his bright golden hair and deep blue eyes. He looked so young and handsome that Ella could easily see how in other circumstances any woman would want him as their own beau. But his eyes… his eyes were so cruel, so cold, that just looking into them made Ella feel uneasy, they held an agelessness quality to them and yet Ella could not say if she saw any wisdom within their depths.

He closed his eyes slowly as if he were tired with her very presence, was only tolerating her being near him. Ella's eyes were drawn a moment to the gun he wore at his hip, the sight disquieting her further.

"So," Ella said finally, her voice sounded slightly higher than normal to her ears. "You are Joey; I don't think we've been properly introduced." Ella's tone had no sweetness to it.

Joey did not seem bothered by her tone, his face remained calm and smooth as if nothing could affect him. For a moment those indifferent eyes studied her, regarding not only her face but her body. Ella felt the sudden urge to cover herself even though she was fully clothed.

Finally he gave a casual glance to the side, his movements slow and easy. "Lie down." His voice was smooth. "Lift up your skirts" he ordered in such a nonchalant manner that Ella felt her jaw drop in surprise, it was as if he were asking her for a drink, his tone so calm and yet at the same time he was somehow menacing.

Ella stared at him, her mind trying to tell her she had heard him wrong. "What?!" she questioned.

Joey returned his gaze slowly to her, his blue eyes finding her own, his expression telling her she should not make him repeat himself.

Ella gave a stunned and embarrassed laugh. "No!" she finally said, not quite believing the situation about her was happening. Without a word and with a speed she was unsure anyone could possess Joey moved and was mere inches away from her, his gloved hand clasped tightly around her jaw.

Ella suddenly felt a wave of anger run through her body, the adrenaline of the moment causing her to gain some of her courage back; she knew he was just trying to scare her.

"Get your hands off me!" she said, pushing against his chest. "You can't just walk up to any woman and tell her to get on her back!"

Joey seemed to consider her words a moment, his attitude unruffled. "Then you will not lie back?" he asked, his voice was mocking and cruel.

"No!" Ella said, trying to fight the urge to slap him. She managed to curb the desire by telling herself this boy was dangerous. "I'm married!" she sniffed, trying to avoid his gaze. "You should learn some respect as well as manners!"

Before Ella could do anything more Joey again advanced upon her, his hand wrapping tightly about her throat, he leaned in close and Ella froze, her body becoming rigid with fear and surprise. His smooth cheek brushed against her own as he began to whisper into her ear.

"You should not speak to me of respect!" he hissed lowly, his words almost forced from him. "You are a gringo whore, I saw you with the light haired man." He pulled back, the whisper of a smirk appearing at the corner of his mouth.

Ella's eyes widened, he'd been the man watching her and Doc, she felt a fool for not putting two and two together.

"So," Joey continued, his voice again becoming calm and almost disinterested, "Lie back, be the whore you are." He again moved his head in a slow sideways movement.

Ella pushed once more against him. "You little… you…" she paused, trying to control her anger. "Don't you do nothin' but spy, I didn't bed with Doc! I'm married and I'll stay married til' I ain't!" She rushed out her words knowing she was babbling but feeling she had to almost justify herself to him.

Joey looked as if he was thinking, Ella felt her breath catch in her throat, surely he wouldn't rape her right here where she stood just for giving him a tongue lashing about being cruel to his little sister...

Suddenly he jerked his head towards the pathway and to Ella's great relief she saw Maria was headed back home. Ella returned to look at Joey, for a moment wondering just how good his hearing was.

Joey finally turned slowly back to her. "Fine, you are married gringo, would you lie back if you weren't married?" He again moved forward and despite the fact that rescue was on its way Ella felt trapped and afraid.

"With you?" she gave him a snarl before pulling her anger back once more. "That ain't a question you should be askin'!" She paused, "It doesn't matter anyhow cause I am married, now let me pass!" Ella pushed hard against him one last time and Joey relented.

"You didn't say no" he said, his voice once again soft and mocking.

Ella glanced over her shoulder at him, she knew fully now he hadn't intended to force her to do anything, he was frightening her because she had stood up to him, he wanted her to fear him and despite the fact she knew he had no intention of raping her, somehow and for a reason she couldn't explain she was afraid. She quickly retreated into the house just as Maria came level to the corn patch. Maria furrowed her brow as she watched Ella rush inside, her look pale and alarmed. As she continued to walk she soon saw Joey come from the same direction as her young friend. He kicked up dust with the toes of his boots as if he had all the time in the world. He glanced up at his mother, his face unreadable but Maria knew his mind too well, she knew her son was up to no good.


	7. Chapter 7

The week that passed was slow and Ella could not shake the feeling of being watched even when Joey wasn't home. She knew he'd only said those things to her to make her afraid, to make her not question him again, so perhaps next time she would not be so willing to stand up for his younger sister. But as the week came to a close she could happily say that she had no more confrontations with the young man, she kept out of his way and for his part Joey seemed uninterested in her presence in Maria's house.

Sunday rolled round and the day was filled with relaxing and being at ease. The two children were happily playing in the bright sunlight as Maria made a new batch of bread. Joey was lurking in his usual retreat somewhere at the back of the house, most likely sleeping. Ella sat at the table, a quill and piece of paper in her hand. She dipped the nib into a bottle of ink and hovered over the page a moment too long until a drop of black ink dripped onto the paper creating a large smudge.

"Ah dammit!" Ella scolded herself putting the pen down.

"You have still not written anything?" Maria asked with a small amused smile.

"No," Ella said a little too grumpily, "I don't know what to write!"

"Tell her you are in good health and happy, mothers like to hear such things" Maria said, her voice as always hiding wisdom far beyond her years.

"I don't know if she'll want to hear from me at all, after all I did leave home without sayin' goodbye, taking her best silver spoon set…"

"Ah it was a long time ago Ella, she will just be happy you are well, you have nothing to lose in letting her know you are still alive."

"No, I suppose not" Ella mumbled, picking up the pen once again. "My handwriting's barely readable but I'll do it." She began to scratch hurriedly upon the parchment, a short while later she gave out a satisfied sigh and silently re-read what she had just written. "I think that'll do for now, I can write again at another time if I feel like it." She blew upon the ink until it was dry enough to be put into a small envelope and quickly scribbled out an address. "I'll ask Billy next time I see him if he'll take it on to the nearest town when he goes that way again."

"You can ask him now; he's coming up the path" Maria said with a nod to the open door, she wiped her dough covered hands upon a wet rag.

"Afternoon ladies" Billy greeted as he passed over the threshold removing his hat. He gave a warm smile towards Maria.

Before they had time to begin a conversation all three turned at the sound of Joey getting up, it was only a moment before he was pushing the curtain aside, buttoning his shirt as he made his way over to a bowl of leftover food were he began to pick out what he wished to eat. Ella had become aware enough of him to know that even when it appeared he was uninterested and not even paying attention to what was happening around him, he actually was listening to every word. He slowly looked up at Billy as if only just seeing him, his eyes bore a clear dislike before he turned back once more to his task. Billy looked at Joey a moment, Joey had not tried to hide his displeasure at the old man's presence but Billy's returned expression carried no lost love for the boy either.

Maria ignored their looks. "What brings you here on a Sunday Billy? You are normally drinking at this time."

"Well, Mary… though you know I enjoy vistin' ya, I've come to see Miss. Ella."

"Me?" Ella questioned, a little surprised, she studied the old man's face a moment and it finally dawned on her why Billy was searching her out. "Oh Christ!" Ella rose from the table biting back her urge to become angry. "What's he done now?" She instantly knew it was Dave.

"Well he's acting a little crazy, sayin' he wants to see you an' givin' his reputation back New Mexico way, some of the locals feel a little on the nervous side and want you to come an' make him calm down."

Ella swore under her breath. "I knew he'd do somethin' like this, it's so like Dave!" She pushed the chair under the table. "Let me just get my shawl Billy an' I'll come."

She quickly located her shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders, her eyes skimmed past Joey, seeing that he was now fully watching the drama unfold.

"Who is Dave?" he asked lazily, his eyes lowering back to the food he held, not addressing the question to anyone in particular.

"He is Ella's husband, Dave Rudabaugh" Maria said glancing at her son. "Ella," she stepped forward, "I don't want you to go, I don't like that man, he is a bad man, he has done many bad things to others and you."

Ella tried to give her friend a reassuring smile. "I'll be okay Maria, I lived with him for near on three years, I can last a few more minutes to get him to sleep off his drink, besides he's likely to end himself in trouble if he's causing a fuss" Before Maria could protest Ella turned to Billy. "Come on then let's get this over with."

Billy accompanied her down into the little village where a small crowd had gathered. Dave was stood in the midst holding his gun drunkenly within his hand. Ella sighed as his voice reached her hearing.

"You bring my wife out here an' then I'll quiet down!" He gave a crazy laugh and attempted to do a little jig, the effect at any other moment would have been amusing, something that would have made her chuckle but right now Ella could only feel annoyed.

"I'm here Dave!" she shouted over the racket. "It's okay, I'll take him t' bed an' then head on back to Maria's" she said, turning to Billy.

"I'd rather not leave ya Ella" Billy said scratching his beard.

"Look at him Billy, he can hardly stand up" Ella said with a gesture of her hand, she wanted to get Dave inside before he brought the whole village out, she already felt hot with embarrassment over her husband's antics, the less she fussed the less anyone else would, or so she hoped.

"Stella!" Dave cried with a large grin appearing on his lips. "See, I told them you'd come." He waved his gun at some of the people causing them to recoil in fright. "Didn't I tell you!"

Ella waded through the crowd. "Come on Dave, let's get you home, you look tired" Ella said, making him lower his gun and then taking it off him completely. She draped one of his arms around her neck and began to guide him back towards her old home as he started to sing far too loudly and off key.

Ella guided him through the door and with effort laid him down upon the bed, he flopped easily back, his singing becoming murmured and under his breath. Ella placed his gun on the small table before attempting to pull his boots off. He struggled against her.

"Leave my boots on woman; I might have to ride out soon, need my boots to ride if the gang comes on by."

Ella knew that no gang would come by, Dave was not the great leader he would liked to be, nor would he ever be he was too arrogant and too selfish.

Ella huffed a sigh and raised her hands in defeat. "If that's what you want." She paused, pulling her shawl about her shoulders once again. "I'm headin' back to Maria's now, try and sleep off your drink."

Before she had taken a step Dave reached out his hand and loosely enclosed her wrist. "Stay with me Ella," he whined, "I don't want to sleep alone."

Ella relented her anger a little, he looked so sad and lost that she would have felt cruel to leave without a word, she sat on the edge of the bed. "You feel sick again huh?" she asked, brushing the hair from his brow, knowing from his expression that his stomach was troubling him once more.

Dave nodded sleepily, his eyes closing.

"I told you to cut back on your drinkin', it wouldn't surprise me if you had a stomach ulcer." Her words were harsh but her tone was soft and comforting. She paused, studying his face, remembering for a small moment the happy moments they had shared. "I'll bring you something later on tonight t' help if I can spare the time." She bent down and planted a small kiss upon his brow, "Just sleep now, huh."

Dave opened his eyes again; his look almost pained, he slowly reached up and touched her cheek with his fingertips. "You're leavin' me ain't ya?"

Ella fought back the sudden urge to cry that surged through her. "Yeah I am Dave, things haven't been good for us for a while… you know that."

Dave sucked in a breath through his teeth. "Well, I'm sad t' hear it." His eyes studied her face before closing again, his hand slowly coming to rest back upon the bed. "But I'm tired, I gotta sleep." He paused, "I'll think about it later."

Ella rose slowly from the bed. "Yeah, sleep" she said softly and quietly left him alone.

She tidied the house as best she could and set up a good pile of wood in the fire place so that when Dave awoke with a throbbing head he wouldn't have to gather any to make a good fire. She gathered his dirty clothing into a pile, considered taking it with her to Maria's to wash but decided against it, it was best they didn't rely on each other for anything from now on, now that it was over between them. She checked his food stock and seeing it was low thought that she would perhaps send Billy over later with some good food and something to help his stomach, goat's milk usually seemed to help his pain a little.

Ella left the small house aware she had been there for some time saying her last goodbyes to her old life. She leant back for a moment against the closed door trying to fight the same wave of emotion she had felt back in the room with Dave. She supposed that most people felt this way when things came to an end, even if they hadn't always been good things, it seemed to still hurt. Finally she pushed a hand across her eyes trying to quell the feeling before glancing up at the beautiful red and orange sunset that was slowly spreading across the sky. She set her jaw telling herself sternly that she knew she was doing the right thing; they'd both have a chance at happiness now.

She pushed herself away from the door and began to make her way back to Maria's; her steps were unhurried, the long stroll giving her time to think, she sat by the river for a time watching the light dance upon the water before she set off once more. She glanced up as the house came into sight; the children were still playing happily outside, seeing them gave her some kind of comfort, a feeling of returning home.

"ELLA!"

The shout was angry and threatening, she spun around on her heel to face the man that now advanced upon her. It was Dave, looking more sober than he had not long passed; his brows were furrowed in rage.

"Dave, go on home" Ella said in exasperation, seeing that his outburst had brought a few faces to windows and doors. Teresa and Raphael were getting to their feet and after a moment Maria appeared at the doorway. She quickly began to make her way down the path towards them.

"You can't just say it's done with!" Dave spat. "Don't I get a say in it?!"

"No Dave" Ella said feeling suddenly tired and regretting her feelings of remorse.

"I DO get a say because I'm your goddamn husband!" he said, his actions telling her he was losing his temper more and more by the minute.

Ella became aware that he was again carrying his gun at his hip, she had to somehow calm him down before he started shooting into the air like a half-wit and injured someone, she wouldn't have put such an act past him.

"Dave, just go on back home, we'll talk tomorrow but you need t' rest a while."

"You sayin' I'm drunk?!" he roared, "I'm not as drunk as you think!"

Ella looked back at Maria who stood wringing her hands in worry, she gave the older woman a gesture that told her to stay back, Ella had been beaten by Dave many times she did not want any of her husband's anger directed at Maria.

"I'll see you tomorrow" Ella said, giving Dave a last look. She turned once again, her intention to get inside and bolt the door until he became bored and took her advice.

She heard Maria give out a cry of surprise but before Ella could register what her friend was so unnerved by, she felt hands upon her waist and she was being lifted, up onto a shoulder, Dave was trying to forcibly carry her to only God knew where...

"Someone get Billy!" she heard Maria shriek.

Ella regained herself from the initial shock and quickly began to kick her legs, landing sharp blows to his stomach. With a breathless sound as he had had the wind knocked out of him Dave faltered, his grip loosening and Ella was able to wriggle free.

"What the hell are you doin'?!" she cried once she was standing upon her own feet, she frowned before turning once more making for Maria.

Within a moment Dave had caught her once again spinning her around to face him.

"No, not this time!" He gave a cruel laugh and with one swift, hard movement his hand connected harshly with her cheek, the jolt and pain sending her sprawling onto the dusty ground. Ella shook her head trying to grasp her senses, they seemed dazed. She reached up, feeling that her lip was once again bloody, she hissed through her teeth and looked up in time to see Maria was hurrying down to help her. "Maria, stay where you are, I'm okay, I'm okay!" Ella tried to reassure, slightly afraid for her friend's safety, her heart hammered hard against her chest as her body gave a tremor of shock. She heard the scrape of Dave's boots as he began to walk to where she had fallen.

"Ah dammit" Ella said softly into the earth beneath her. She began to try and make her body move but the task was hard and her limbs didn't seem to want to obey her commands. She glanced up again, her gaze falling upon another figure making their way in quick fluid steps from Maria's adobe, their manner almost uncaring. Ella groaned, just what she needed - getting beaten by her husband in public and having Joey Garza watch with that smug smirk lurking on his lips. She again tried to heave herself up but Dave's foot connected with her back making her fall back with a loud huff.

"Goddamit Dave, get yer boot off me you snake!" she screamed, feeling more indignant than afraid.

"Calm down Darlin'" he drawled, his weight pinning her down. "We got company." He gestured over to where Joey was still making his way down the slope towards them. "What you be wantin' boy!" Dave said seeing that the young man obviously wanted 'something' perhaps he was going to try and interfere, 'save' his wife, he'd liked to see that, Dave liked a good fight he knew he could win and this pup was too wet behind the ears to be much of a threat to him. "You got a gun on your hip but children shouldn't play with guns!" Dave let out a laugh, looking around the small crowd that had gathered expecting others to join him in the jest but no one did, they all knew Joey.

Joey stopped a few feet from them, his eyes taking Dave in, studying him as if he were a disgusting dusty old object lying by the side of the road. Dave laughed again, obviously thinking he'd gotten the upper hand, he pushed his boot harder into Ella's back and she hissed in pain her senses too focused upon it to really see what was happening around her.

"Senor, are you Dave Rudabaugh?" Joey said quietly, his voice no more than a dreadful whisper.

"What, boy? Speak up can hardly hear you!" Dave said mistaking Joey's tone for meekness, but no one else had been mistaken….everyone knew the Garza boy and were well aware he was many things but meek was not one of them, they watched on with bated breath… "I am Dave Rudabaugh!" Dave continued pride shining in his voice. "So you've heard of me have ya?"

"Si." Without flinching, without expression, Joey pulled out his gun and aimed. Dave's face fell, his colour draining. Dave tried to reach for his own gun but Joey didn't wait, had no intention of waiting or having a fair draw. The gunshot ripped through the quiet town, echoing around the buildings in a sickening death knell. Ella continued to stare at Joey watching as he slowly lowered his gun, his eyes not betraying a single emotion, cool and cold. His gun smoked for a moment, curling into the evening air in grey and white wisps before he shoved the weapon back into his holster and without looking at anyone he turned and made his way back to the adobe while the crowd looked on in open mouthed shock.

It took Ella a moment to realize that Dave was no longer holding her down, she struggled for a moment pulling herself up and into a sitting position, Maria was soon by her side wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Ella's eyes scanned the ground, Dave was lying a few feet away on his stomach, his head thankfully was turned the other way, but within that second of seeing him Ella knew he was dead.

"Dave?" she said tentatively, "Oh Lord… Dave?!"

"He is gone Ella, he is gone" Maria said as comfortingly as she could.

Ella gave a spluttered breath as sobs broke through the shock, she pushed her friend from her and crawled over to where he lay, she turned him over onto his back, his eyes stared unseeing, glassy and empty.

Ella looked over him as if trying to think of what she could do, she took one of his limp hands in her own and looked over at Maria, her eyes pleading for the older woman to do something, anything. She turned back to Dave, her fingers shakily touching his cheeks before the unbearable weight of grief felt as if it were crushing her and she let her head rest upon Dave's chest.

The crowd remained silent around the two women as Ella wept bitterly over the body of her husband.


	8. Chapter 8

The morning after the shooting passed in a blur before Ella's eyes. Joey, to the relief of everyone in the household had packed up and gone by dawn. Ella had heard him leave, being unable to sleep after the events of the day before. It wasn't long before Maria was getting her up and dressed, making her eat a small amount of bread to fill her stomach. Then leaving the children in Billy's care Maria helped Ella to go and say goodbye one last time to Dave.

The burial was quick and without much ceremony; the priest of the town said a few words as the hole was filled in over the crude, rickety wooden coffin. Maria wrapped her arm about Ella's shoulders as the young girl watched on feeling neither angry nor sad, just empty, her eyes glassy and unseeing as she stood beside her friend, the only two people that had come to pay their last respects to Dave Rudabaugh. She hadn't expected more people, Dave had never been a popular man, his social skills were lacking and he often rubbed people the wrong way, but still Ella felt disappointed for him, to have so few people stand at his graveside made the hollow feeling that already lay heavily within her stomach grow a little more. It was a strange feeling to feel so empty over a man she knew she no longer loved and had not loved for a long time, someone who had brought her nothing but misery and remorse, yet she did feel empty….

Ella allowed Maria to guide her back home.

The days passed in a slow haze, Dave was dead and though in a way Ella knew she should feel free, she could not. Dave had been her husband for nearly three years of her life, the first man she had had a serious relationship with, the first man she had thought she loved. It was true that through those years she could not remember them spending even a full week together, but still he had been her husband, no matter how many bad times they had been through, how many times he had been unkind. She must have loved him once, cared for him and she had never wished him to die, not even in her wildest imaginings. But he was dead, he had been killed and the worst part of it was that Ella couldn't help but feel she had something to do with it all, perhaps her wishing to be with Doc had caused God to punish her for her wicked thoughts. She had wanted to be free of her husband for so long, had often wished that he would not come back when he left on one of his rides, perhaps become infatuated with another girl and just leave, but it had never happened. Dave it seemed hadn't had the time for romance or at least had not found any girl he wanted to leave Ella for, Ella was sure there had been other girls but Dave was lazy and must have liked his whores and his wife. His whores he could visit when he wished and his wife never needed payment, to him it must have been an easy life…

She retreated further into herself as each day passed, a dark shadow clouded all her thinking and Maria and the children began to worry. Ella neglected her chores, lost interest in anything that had caused her any peace or joy before and her appetite was only the vaguest need to fuel her body. Most days she sat by the window, watching the village's happenings until Maria coaxed her out of her seat to help her cook or gather washing, anything to make her young friend do something other than brood. But Ella didn't see the concern and worry behind Maria's eyes; she hardly saw anything clearly anymore.

The weeks passed, turning to months. Summer came and Ella hardly felt the intense heat and by late summer she became glaringly aware that still Doc did not come or send word; Ella began to think that he had finally abandoned her, seeing her for the useless thing she herself saw every time she looked into the mirror… If Doc didn't want her she felt as if she was truly lost, she had thought that he would save her from her darkest hour that if she could just see his warm, smiling face she would become herself again and feel joy and all the feelings she could no longer remember… but he did not come.

---

It was late summer, many months after Dave's burial before Joey made an appearance in Ojinaga again. He rode into town on a new and expensive black horse, his saddle and clothing near brand new and the rumors flared that he had once again been robbing trains. Word soon reached the village that he had done just that, four trains, killing twelve men in cold blood. Not even demanding the money, just sitting high upon a hill, he had picked each one off with his rifle, taking the small amount of money aboard and on one train he had even left a cargo of live sheep to roast in the sun and die of thirst. The villagers began to whisper that he was the devil, that he had no feelings for anything, that he was the worst kind of killer and gave him a wide berth whenever they could. Everyone knew it would only be a matter of time before a posse was sent after Joey Garza, the railroad companies would not stand for such large losses and many in the village hoped that day would be soon. He returned back to his mother's house where of course, as always, he was given shelter and a safe place to stay - much to the displeasure of Maria's neighbors.

"You are back" Maria said, coming out to meet him as he rode up the path casually.

Joey glanced down at her but made no attempt at replying, he stabled his horse and began to gather his belongings that had been tied to the saddle as his mother watched on.

"I should not welcome you home this time, not after what you did" she scolded.

"I did nothing but kill an old gringo Mama, a gringo who thought too much of himself." He cast a lazy gaze over at her, unconcerned with her words.

"You killed my friend's husband Joey!" Maria whispered heatedly. "Ella is still with us, do not make things difficult." She put her hand on her son's shoulder, "Just keep out of her way." Maria did not feel she could scold her son too harshly, after all Dave had been an outlaw, a killer and had hurt her friend, but the young woman seemed to not be recovering from her husband's death and she wanted to make the peace in her house balanced. She would not ask Ella to leave but she could not turn her son away…

Joey again cast his cold gaze upon her before shrugging off her touch. "If she keeps out of my way, we will not have a problem." His tone was untroubled, bored.

Maria raised her hands in defeat and left him to finish unburdening his horse.

---

Ella sat at the table, her gaze focused upon the window but her eyes weren't actually seeing anything. Her skin was pallid and sickly looking; her hair would have been in disarray if Maria had not insisted in dressing it for her each day. Today it was pulled back with a simple strip of cotton gauze into a low ponytail at the base of her neck.

Maria returned to the house and after a moment fussing over the stove she placed a bowl of hot stew before Ella and a spoon beside it.

"Ella," she said, almost in exasperation, "please try and eat something today, you will make yourself sick."

Ella gave a small nod as if answering a question that hadn't been asked.

"Ella!"

Ella jumped a little at the sound, her eyes leadenly moving to meet her friend's.

"Eat something!" Maria commanded, pointing to the bowl.

Ella turned her eyes back to the stew, her stomach grumbled for the nourishment but her tongue felt as if it were covered in ash and the thought of eating anything sickened her.

"I'll try later, I ain't hungry" she whispered hoarsely through dry lips.

Maria mumbled something under her breath before picking up a basket to gather the washing that was hanging on the line outside.

Ella didn't notice that Joey had entered mid way through the scene; he leant on the doorframe, watching as his mother became frustrated with the young woman at the table who looked like a strange spirit, far too pale and ghostly looking to be real. His mother bustled past him and he watched after her a moment before casually walking over to the table. Ella heard the boots, the clink of spurs and her eyes moved slowly to see who she already knew was approaching from the familiar sound. She had thought the next time she saw his face she would want to kill him, that she would become wild with anger and pounce upon him until she had ripped him to shreds but looking upon him now she felt nothing, just a strange emptiness and without a hint of emotion touching her features she returned her gaze to the window. She thought faintly that perhaps she was losing her mind, to feel nothing as her husband's killer stood right before her.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him pick up the spoon that was laid out before her and was not surprised, he had killed her husband; why not eat her stew... She continued her unseeing gaze, wishing he would just take the damn food and leave her to herself. He dipped the spoon into the stew and in a flash his gloved hand was around her jaw, his grip like a vice. She gave a startled noise of surprise as he forced her to open her lips. Ella's gaze flew to his face, her eyes wide as she tried to understand his actions. He glared down at her, his blue eyes seeming to burn into her - although with what emotion, anger or pleasure, she could not tell, perhaps it was a mixture of both…

"My mother has made you food gringo," he sneered, "you are an ungrateful and stupid woman." Without another word he forced the spoon into her mouth and then pulled it out placing his hand quickly over her lips giving her no other choice but to swallow.

Ella suddenly felt a wave of emotion shoot through her limbs, the effect feeling almost as if she had been under water for a long time and had only just now broken through the surface taking that first life saving gulp of air. Her eyes again flew to his, this time they stared at him in anger and revulsion. She pushed violently against him, freeing her mouth of his hand. She stood up from her seat, knocking the chair off balance.

"Don't you touch me!" she hissed, her tone dangerous.

Joey's eyes glanced over her, his coolness not faltering. "Sit down" he ordered calmly.

Ella stood her ground, her hands clenching in and out of fists.

"I said sit down!" Joey said, his tone more forceful. "Or I will make you."

Ella felt her anger begin to abate a little, the nervous feeling of being in his presence began to take over, there was something about him that still unnerved her, her mind flashed warnings and slowly she obeyed, picking up the chair and sitting herself in it.

"Now eat" Joey pointed to the bowl.

Ella looked up at him, hatred burning behind her eyes.

"Eat or I will force it down your throat!" He came closer to the table, his manner menacing.

She stared at him a moment trying to gauge if he would indeed carry out his threat. She glanced down at the bowl and told herself she was being stubborn, it was after all only food and if it would stop him paying attention to her she could do this one thing.

She gripped the spoon and begrudgingly began to eat the food, only fully realizing just how famished she had felt as the stew touched her tongue. Joey watched her eat every bite, a small smug smirk hinting cruelly at the corner of his mouth.

---

After her encounter with Joey, Ella seemed to snap out of the depths of depression she had been wallowing in. She put it down to not wanting to be embarrassed in such a way by him again, after all she had been weak, too weak in her soul to fight against him that day and she did not want that situation repeated. Maria was overjoyed that Ella seemed to have become more like her own self once again although Ella never admitted what had brought her back.

She left Dave where he belonged in her past; she slowly came to realize that although she was sad he was dead and gone; she had expected it for so long. He was always in trouble and it should not have come as such a shock when someone did shoot him, a fellow outlaw whom he had probably annoyed, it seemed Joey was easily annoyed. But she let him go and although it pained her she let Doc go too, he had never sent word or come back, for a long time she had made Billy ask whenever he went into the nearest big town for news or letters, but nothing came and Ella knew she had to let go…

It was mid-Autumn, the weather was still almost unbearably hot and with this weather, as seemed to happen every year, there came a steady stream of Texan men who wanted gambling and drinking in a new atmosphere. They were welcomed by the village because they spent money and even when they harassed the women they were let off without much of a stern warning, after all most of them were unsavory types that would just as soon shoot at a man as look at him. This time a German man named Lichtenstein accompanied the usual rabble, he was near about the age of sixty, handsome but tired looking and it was easy to tell he was vain and often drunk. It seemed he had become quite enamored with Maria, visiting her on a daily basis, Maria of course had no interest but the man could not seem to take no as an answer. Even Ella had tried to warn him away but still he came, even becoming so bold as to try and get upon friendly terms with her children, hoping this would welcome him into Maria's bed. Teresa and Raphael were ushered inside or onto chores if he showed up on their doorstep but Joey they could not control: Joey it seemed actually liked the man a little.

Ella wiped the sweat from her brow as she made her way back from Gordo's, the butcher's house. She had purchased some fresh beef for their evening meal. As she passed the small saloon her attention was caught by the old German man and Joey seemingly in deep conversation, or at least the German was talking a lot while Joey listened, it appeared he had also bought Joey a drink. Ella paused and after a moment's hesitation she walked over to the near deserted saloon and sat upon the edge of the porch watching both of the men for a moment.

She could hear the German talking about his gun, a rifle of some sort, his thick accent made it hard to understand some of what he said.

"Let's see if you can beat me, how about those cactus buds?" Lichtenstein pointed down the slope to where a cactus plant stood with large red buds.

Joey studied it for a moment before turning back and giving a certain nod. Lichtenstein smiled, his eyes hovering a little too long over Joey's face, glinting. Ella saw this look clearly, she'd seen it many times when she'd been younger and still a whore, there was a man that came in every month to the place she worked, he'd pay for one of the girls and then offer double to bed down with the young black boy they employed, all the girls knew he liked boys better than girls but still he did not change his ways, he thought if he slept with a girl first the boy would not be thought of as bad, this German gave Joey that same hungry look…

"You shoot first Joey." He held out his sleek rifle for Joey to take, his eyes still holding want.

Joey looked back at him, his eyes cold, telling the man silently that he knew his game and it was dangerous to play it with him. "No, you shoot first, then I will beat you." His tone was polite but icy.

Lichtenstein gave a vain long winded laugh. "You are in for a disappointment. I was the best marksman in the German army. I still have the medals. You have never shot a rifle this fine." He paused again studying Joey, he licked his dry lips. "It will take you time to adjust, no?"

Joey's gaze was upon the targets and he remained silent. The German gave a nod and aimed his long rifle and began to shoot. One bud fell, then a miss then another bud fell before two more misses. He gave a false laugh, "Missed three…" He wiped at his eyes. "It is the sweat, you see. It is not so hot in Germany. The sweat fogs up my telescope." He smiled as he said the words of excuse. "Still I think I beat you."

He handed the gun over to Joey who gladly took it and without hesitation or even giving himself a moment to acquaint himself with the rifle he aimed. The first shot easily took out a bud; he cocked it again with a hard pumping motion and took another bud out. Ella stopped watching the cactus and turned her attention to Joey. His mouth was harsh as he cocked the gun again, his eyes blazing with anger, hatred and violence… and something else. She studied him carefully as he pulled the trigger, it was something akin to sorrow, a great sadness mingled with all the other feelings making some new strange emotion that she could not understand. She persevered in studying him, watching his expressions in fascination as he continued until finally he lowered the gun, his face once more taking on the smooth, calm mask he always wore. Ella glanced over at the cactus; Joey had not missed a single bud.

She turned back in astonishment as Joey regarded the German with a look almost verging upon a mixture of disgust and triumph.

He gave a nod of thanks, "Thank you for letting me shoot." He paused, his eyes lingering upon the rifle as he handed it back to the man, "I like your gun."

Lichtenstein stared at him a moment in disbelief before taking his gun and nodding as if he were lost for words.

Ella suddenly came back to herself and realized she did not want to be seen. She got up and hurriedly made her way back to Maria's.


	9. Chapter 9

Ella listened distractedly as Teresa sang in a sweet voice to her chick outside, she had just finished cutting the beef for the stew when she heard Teresa call out in distress, "Mama!". She rushed to the doorway just in time to see Maria appearing from the corn and Joey walking away from a cowering Tessie. Ella also noticed Rafael was just picking himself up from the ground, Joey must have pushed him over before hitting Teresa.

"What did you do?!" Maria said. Her brow furrowed with annoyance as Joey walked casually towards the house. He turned around, his feet a little unstable, Ella thought he had perhaps drunk more than just that one glass, but still he hid it very well, it was only by being around drunken men constantly she could pick up on that slight movement.

"I have beat your man, he can't shoot" he said coolly, jerking his head towards the German man who was making his way slowly towards them.

"He is not my man!" Maria said heatedly, "I have no man."

Joey again cast his cool eyes over his mother, his look verging on vexation. "Mama, you _alway_s have a man" he said, his tone full of contempt and so disrespectful that Ella was surprised that Maria did not give him a harsh scolding.

Joey turned and walked into the house. Brushing Ella roughly aside, he made his way quickly through the curtain to the concealed bedroom, his hard steps betraying his anger. Ella watched after him a moment before rushing out to Teresa who now sat sobbing in the aftermath of her older brothers cruelty. Teresa was not a girl that scared easily, being blind had made her unafraid of the darkness most other people feared, but she feared her older brother, feared what he was capable of.

"Hey, Honey don't cry," Ella cooed, wrapping the young girl in her arms, she glanced up at Maria telling her she had the situation under control and she could go on with her work. "Your chick is growing huh?" Ella continued, distracting the girl from whatever violence Joey had just inflicted on her. They had been able to find a chick for Teresa to replace the one she had lost; it looked as if this too would be a little rooster.

Teresa gave a small sniff and nodded, "Si" she mumbled.

Ella rubbed her back comfortingly and her attention was quickly caught as the German man came level to the corn patch Maria was working in. Before Ella could give a shout of warning to her friend the man had made a grope for Maria's backside, a dirty laugh emitting from him.

Maria turned quickly, her expression furious, the German man continued to smile. Without a pause Maria lashed out with the knife she had been using to gather the crops, slicing shallowly into the back of the man's hand. He gave a cry of surprise his hand flying to the new, bloody wound.

"You whore! You cut me!" he said, taking a small step backward, his eyes disgusted.

Ella narrowed her eyes at the man readying herself to go to Maria's aid if she was needed. She detested Maria being called a whore, she was a good woman and hearing that word directed at her made Ella's blood boil.

"Hombre! If you put your hands on me again I'll do worse than cut you!" she said, holding the knife in a threatening manner.

The man looked at her, startled, and with many a nervous glance back he rushed down the path, the look on his face telling them all that he would soon be out of the village.

Ella rushed to Maria's side, "You okay?" she asked as both of them watched after the man.

"Yes, he won't try that again" Maria said, her look still irate.

"I bet he won't" Ella said, unable to stop a soft laugh, "You got him pretty good."

Maria looked over at her, a small smile of triumph appearing upon her lips. "I did, didn't I?" she proclaimed before they both dissolved into laughter. "Come let's go inside, the sun has become too hot to work."

Ella nodded and helping Teresa onto her feet they made their way towards the adobe.

"Mary!"

They had not yet reached the doorway when Billy's voice made them all turn; he had been out of the village for a few days, most likely frequenting the saloons he so enjoyed.

"Looks like Billy's brought half the plains with him" Ella mumbled, causing Teresa to giggle.

"Mary!" he called again, his clothing casting off clouds of dust as he moved. "I got news!" He waved his arm to fully get their attention.

"Where is your horse?" Maria called, her tone verging upon amusement.

Billy gave a grumble of annoyance, "Ah that dumb sunavabitch let some pigs spook him, I had to walk a good five miles." He indicated back over his shoulder with his thumb.

"I hope it sobered you" Maria said, pointing a finger accusingly at him. "You look red in the face, like when you drink."

Ella gave an amused smile watching them banter always made her smile.

Billy gave a cheeky grin. "Well all I need is some whiskey, a little love and a few Frijoles." He reached out and pinched Maria delicately upon the cheek.

Maria smiled and copied him, pinching his cheek. "I can give you the Frijoles, I can do nothing about the rest."

"Ah well, a man takes what he can" Billy said in mock defeat. "What I need right now is a bottle of beer!" he proclaimed, continuing towards the house. "I seldom walk in the heat ya know."

"You do not walk at all!" Maria proclaimed, "Or do anything else but talk!" She threw her hand up in frustration. "What's the news?"

"Ah damn, my brain is near boiled, it's so damn hot I nearly forgot" Billy said, turning back towards her. He paused, his face becoming serious. "Mary…" He hesitated as if he didn't know how to say what must be said. "They've hired Call." He looked sympathetic as Maria's face fell, "I came as quick as I could t' tell you."

Ella watched, still holding Teresa's hand as Maria's eyes glazed over for a moment as if seeing a best forgotten memory. After a few moments had passed, Billy guided Maria into the cool house and then into a chair. They soon all took their own seats at the table and Ella fetched a bowl of Frijoles and set it down in front of Billy.

"I'm sorry t' be bringin' this bad news Mary, truly I am." He paused as Maria continued to look dazed. "The train company Joey's been robbin' from has hired him."

Maria rose from her seat as if she could not sit still, wringing a rag she had picked up from the table, showing the agitation she felt inside.

"Who's Call?" Ella asked, her eyes still watching Maria's expression.

"Captain Woodrow Call, he is a bad man" Maria said through gritted teeth. "He killed my father, my brothers, for stealing back horses, horses that belonged to them and had been stolen by some Texan men; they were only taking back what was theirs." She paused and then turned her attention back to Billy. "How soon will he come?"

"I'm not sure… not for a good while I guess, a month maybe but Joey should get out of the village before he gets here."

Maria nodded, "I will make sure he leaves." She glanced over at her two children her expression full of worry.

---

Joey could not be warned in that moment as Maria soon discovered, he had left the house before they had sat down with Billy. Maria commented that he had most likely rode off to clear his head having had harsh words with her earlier and knowing that she would scold him once again for hitting his little sister and brother. Billy soon left in search of a beer or whiskey before his next job of taking a wagon up towards the mining camp began and Ella and Teresa began to start helping with grinding corn. Teresa was much more skilled in the task than Ella despite the young girl not being able to see, by the time Ella had got one bowlful of corn ground into fine enough flour to use in baking Teresa was onto her third. They chatted happily for a few hours, whiling away the afternoon with the chore they had been set while Raphael sat outside in the cooling evening air engrossed once again in his little goat as it if were his closest friend.

It was not long before Joey returned, the tell tale shout came from Raphael as Joey once again hit or pushed him. Ella went quickly to the door, her manner too bright today to let Joey have his own way especially after the way he had spoken to Maria earlier. She opened her mouth to shout a harsh scolding at him only to find that the words dried upon her tongue.

His stride as always was casual and unconcerned, his gaze stony, but it was not his usual unnerving presence that caused Ella to find that a cold trickle of dread had crept up her spine. Slung nonchalantly over his shoulder was a finely made brown leather case, a leather case she had seen only a few hours ago tied onto the German man's horse, Ella knew it contained his long, sleek rifle.

She quickly stepped aside to let him in, all reprimands for hurting his little brother forgotten. Her mind reeled for a moment; surely he could not have followed the man and killed him for his gun after acting so tolerant towards him.

"Where have you been?" Maria said as she ground corn upon a stone slab. "I thought you were going to help us with the corn."

Joey did not look at her, his certain steps accompanied by the clink of spurs did not stop until he had reached a small table at the end of the room where he placed the bag, letting his fingers run across its outline almost lovingly for a moment.

"I am not a farmer" he said, his tone scornful and verging upon exasperation. "Where is Billy?"

"He is driving the wagon to the mines, he left not an hour ago, he'll be back in three days."

"Good! I'm glad he's gone, that old man smells." Joey opened up the bag and drew out the gun, studying it for a moment.

"He is kind to me" Maria said, halting in her grinding.

"That is because he wants you" Joey said simply.

Ella's mouth fell open at his audacity, his eyes flicked to her for a split second, his lips curling into a smug smirk before turning back again to his new rifle, his fingers again glancing over it tenderly. "That is the reason he comes," he turned to his mother and leaned over the larger table towards her, "and that is the reason he stays."

In a blur of movement Maria's hand flew, slapping Joey hard, the sound of a hard crack filled the room that was now in deafening silence. Ella held her breath and Teresa recoiled, her eyes becoming wide. Joey did not move for a moment but remained hunched, his hair covering his face.

Maria turned back to her grinding. "Any man can want" she said heatedly. "It's how a man behaves that counts."

Joey turned to look at her his hair falling away from his now blazing eyes, he looked stunned and then his calm mask once again fell over his smooth face.

"_Don't_ hit me again Mama!" he said slowly, his words full of threat and meaning.

Maria and Joey stared at each other, their eyes locked in a silent battle as both Ella and Teresa looked on with bated breath. Finally Joey moved, his stance once again betraying the twisted anger that was buried within him. Without faltering he walked over to where Teresa sat and flicked a hand full of corn in her face causing the young girl to shrink in fear, Ella stepped back as he made for the door, his eyes connected with hers, his mouth twisted into disgust and then he flung the door open with a noise of frustration. Ella quickly went to the door and watched as he marched up to his younger brother, pushing him harshly backwards to the dusty ground.

Ella made to walk out of the door and intervene.

"Leave him Ella!" Maria shouted, causing the young girl to retreat a step backwards. Her eyes flew back to the scene outside. Joey had picked up Raphael's goat and was walking away with it towards the village, the young boy ran frantically behind his brother with pitiful bleating cries. Joey strode a little up the path before throwing the animal into the brush to the side, not even glancing back he continued on his way to the saloon.

---

Ella sat out on the steps enjoying the cool night air brushing against her skin. The day had been long and hot, the gusty winds that normally kept people indoors were mellow and welcome after the heat. Many villagers were sitting outside, candles littering porches and placed beside chairs.

She gave a low sigh, her eyes attracted towards her old home a little further away. She knew she'd have to go there soon, she'd already left it far too long and Dave's belongings would need packing up, selling, or giving away to settle any of his debts. Still she found it hard to even think of walking into that place, she was afraid that if she did all the sadness and despair she had felt over those months after Dave's death would come crushing back down upon her and this time she would not be able to crawl out even with the help of a psycho with a spoon. She smiled at the thought; at least she hadn't lost her sense of humor she mused.

She picked up the small candle she had brought outside with her, the flame danced in the light breeze, she pushed herself up from the steps and turned, more than ready to sleep and not dwell upon unhappy thoughts.

Ella gave a small noise of surprise at the dark figure that was sat upon the top of the steps and in her shock the candle fell from her grasp.

"Christ" she hissed, gathering it from where it had fallen and straightening up. She studied the shadowy outline and gave an inward sigh. "You shouldn't sneak up on people, it's rude" she said, trying to control the level of her scolding.

"Do not tell me what to do gringo" Joey said calmly from the darkness he was cloaked in.

Ella narrowed her eyes at him as he insulted her yet again. "How long have you been sat there?" she asked, sounding bolder than she felt.

"Long enough" Joey gave a shrug.

Ella hesitated, sensing the sullen air that surrounded him. "You okay?" She instantly cringed and rebuked herself for asking her question.

She heard Joey shift position, he leaned forward his arms upon his knees as if studying her. "Why do you care?" he spat.

Ella felt like rolling her eyes at his reply, his temper obviously had not abated.

"I don't" she said, picking up her skirts, her tone matching his. "But I, unlike you, have manners." She stepped past him but she was not fast enough and he caught one of her ankles in his grip making her stumble a few steps. She regained herself quickly and glared back him, even through the darkness she could tell he had that same annoying smirk pulling at his lips.

Ella hesitated, the question she had wanted to ask for so long burning hard upon the tip of her tongue.

"Why'd you kill Dave?" she blurted, her tone no more than a whisper.

Joey shifted, looking at her over his shoulder. "Because," he said calmly, "he talked too much in the saloon." He paused, "I heard he was going to try for the next train, but that was my train." He paused again, this time longer. "I heard he was going to try and bring me to the hard sheriff to save his own skin… and he made too much noise." He turned from her and picked up a small stone, casually tossing it down the steps. "You should not feel sad he is gone, he was a bad gringo."

Ella found that for a moment she was lost for words, finally she found her voice. "And you think you are a good man?" she asked, disgust edging her words.

Joey glanced at her over his shoulder once more and they stared at each other in silence before he again turned his attention from her, ignoring her presence. Ella watched him for a moment, sensing again that same sorrowful air enclose around him, with a small sigh she forced herself to open the door and enter the house.


	10. Chapter 10

"I'm goin' to my old place tonight" Ella told Maria at breakfast the next morning.

Maria gave her a warm smile, "Do you want me to come? I can spare a few hours." She collected up the finished with bowls that had contained scrambled eggs.

"That's kind of you Maria, but I think this is somethin' I gotta do alone, it only seems right and I've left it too long anyway, it was mighty nice of Gordo to keep a watch over the place t' make sure no one moved in, but I can't ask him to keep watch forever."

"Gordo only does what he wishes to do, be careful he does not ask you for payment." She gave Ella a knowing look, telling the young girl silently that she did not speak of money.

"I know his type," Ella said with a small nod, "I doubt I'll bump into him anyway, he's been drunk most of this week, since his wife died he don't do much else but drink."

"Well, it is up to you if you wish to go alone." Maria placed the bowls upon a small side table.

Ella nodded, "I gotta sort out who Dave owed too, I know he owed plenty to Sandro at the saloon, I guess that'll be the first place I'll go tomorrow."

"Take all the time you need, we will all be here when you return." She placed a hand tenderly upon Ella's shoulder knowing full well that the young girl was dreading the chore ahead.

---

The evening came quicker than Ella wished and she said her goodbyes for the night to Maria and the children, taking a crust of bread and some frijoles to stem any hunger. She hesitated outside the old wooden building, her eyes glancing over the many repairs that still needed doing after many years. How it had stood through the winter winds she'd never know, she'd always thought the damn roof would fall down upon her head when they had a bad storm.

She gave half a smile at the memory despite herself and pushed the old door open; it creaked on its hinges. Inside smelt a little mustier than it had done the last time she had been here, she fumbled in the darkness for a moment locating a candle and matches before lighting the candle and bringing a small gloomy light into the room. She held it aloft for a moment, studying the place about her, it seemed Gordo had done a good job in watching, nothing was missing, in fact it looked quite neat and tidy.

She sighed and found two more candles and lit them, making the light to work in more bearable. She did not waste time and began to slowly sort items from a large badly constructed chest; it contained clothing, old shawls, a few bonnets and the only dress that she never wore. It came in two parts: a fancy bodice with puffed sleeves and a full, pleated skirt; both in dark blue cotton with delicate cream lace edging, this had been her wedding dress. Ella let her fingers brush over the material; now it seemed almost as if someone else had worn it, that another girl had gotten married while she had watched…

She huffed a humorless laugh. "I guess it's goin' to be a long night" she said to herself before pushing herself up onto her feet. She gathered anything that she knew was of value, avoiding the bedroom, that place, she thought, could be left until last, it held no fond memories for her.

She found Dave's guns upon a table, they were fairly new and in good condition, she knew she could at least pay off his saloon debt with them. His clothes on the other hand were all worn and old but still Ella packed them away, perhaps Maria could use them for darning the children's clothes, if not then she knew Billy would gladly take them off her hands.

She found a small amount of money stuffed into an old sock and stuck behind a loose brick just inside the chimney it was all of her and Dave's saving or more correctly what she had managed to hide from Dave, with this money Ella could at least pay Maria back a little for her kindness. The rest of the belongings would not fetch much although she did consider selling the blue dress, she had no further use for it and Billy could take it to Texas next time he went that way, she could buy at least two normal dresses with the money she got from it.

Ella pulled down a bottle of whiskey from the shelf and studied it. "Seems a shame to let it go t' waste" she mumbled to herself. "After all, Sandro won't take back half a bottle."

She uncorked the top and poured herself a generous amount into a small round cup and knocked it back in one go, giving a loud hiss through her teeth as the fiery liquid hit the back of her throat. She picked up the small clamshell photograph frame from where it stood above the fireplace and opened it while pouring herself another drink. Inside was one picture although the frame had been made for two. It was a browning tintype of herself and Dave taken on their wedding day. She was sat in a wooden chair in her fancy dress and Dave was stood behind her, his hand placed tenderly upon her shoulder. He actually looked smart in this, it was the only picture she had of him and yet strangely it looked nothing like the Dave she had known. She downed another cup and let out a dry laugh. "You actually look respectable" she mused. Her eyes glanced over her own image in the tintype, she looked so young… "An' stupid!" Ella voiced the thought out loud before her gaze went again to Dave. "I wish I'd never listened to your stories, or at least had enough sense t' know that you were talkin' out of yer backside just like you always did." She downed another cup, feeling the liquid begin to take effect on her, it never had taken much liquor to get her drunk.

She drank two more cups before giving up on the nearly finished bottle and letting it rest upon the table. Ella stared at the candle to her left, watching the flame flicker and before she could fully register what was happening tears filled her eyes and began to cascade down her cheeks as she dissolved into harsh sobs.

"You were an idiot." She scolded his picture, "I knew you'd go off an' get yerself killed, and now Doc is missin', he ain't even sent word, everythin' just seems to be goin' wrong." She stood up from the table and began to pace a little. "If you'd just kept your big mouth shut" she roared at the picture, fully venting her anger. "You… you never could! Cocky, arrogant, always about you!" She paused, her hand clasping once more around the bottle, meaning to pour herself another drink. She studied the amber coloured liquid that sloshed inside before her face twisted with fury.

"Ah goddamit!" She threw the bottle at the wall just above the fireplace; it smashed on contact with a loud crash. She sank down into the chair and watched as the remaining whiskey trickled down the wall her hands shook a little in shock at her actions.

"Why are you making so much noise?"

Ella quickly stood, her heart hammered hard within her ears; Gordo had said he was keeping the place empty. She glanced over to where the guns had been packed away; it was too late to make a move towards them. Her eyes were drawn to the curtain as it moved aside, and they widened as Joey stepped out half dressed in drawers and a half buttoned shirt.

"I have been trying to ignore you for a long while, but you make too much noise" he scolded, his tone annoyed but lazy, still coated in sleep.

Ella stared at him open mouth, shocked into silence. Joey cast a look over her before turning his gaze to the wall where she had smashed the bottle, he smirked.

"What are you doin' here?!" she squeaked, her voice holding no authority.

"I come here sometimes," he stated casually, "when I want to be alone and sleep, no one lives here" he ended with a shrug.

Ella felt her anger bubbling inside her. "How dare you!" she bellowed. "You have no right t' be in here - you killed the man that lived here, get out!"

"I am not stealing, I am only sleeping" Joey said simply, watching her. "I have not taken any of your things." He sneered as if the mere notion that he would want any of her meager belongings was ridiculous.

Ella glanced around, her mind working slower than normal thanks to the drink, she had to admit he was right, he had not taken anything and what could she do about him staying here other than shout?

"Well," she mumbled, "get out while I'm here."

Joey slowly sat down at the table, "No." His eyes studied her again.

Ella gritted her teeth; she knew it was no use arguing with him. She hurriedly began to gather her belongings but the anger seemed to continue to well inside her as she felt him resume observing her movements. Finally she could take it no longer and whirled around to see, just as she had expected, he was smirking.

"Hey!" she said, her voice sounding a little slurred to her ears; she prayed silently that he hadn't noticed. "You can wipe that smile off yer face; you don't scare me half as much as you wish you did!" she huffed, her eyes narrowing. "You think that you have a right to go around tormenting folk and looking down on them just cause you had a hard life, well I'll tell you something'!" she declared, fully aware that she sounded far too self righteous. "You ain't the only one that's had it hard; everyone in this damn village lives a hard life!"

Joey continued to watch her with an amused smirk.

"You think just cause you had somethin' bad happen when you were young that it gives free leave to do what you wish!" She saw his smirk fall at her words. "I had it rough as a child too!" she blurted. Her mind tried unsuccessfully to stem her words before she gave away too much but it was useless. "My Ma had a whole god damn army of men comin' an' goin', each one was promised to be my new Pa, an' none of them stayed. Then one got a little too friendly and my Ma didn't like me much after that, thinkin' her innocent girl had caused it. She was jealous I was gettin' attention so I left and I worked for my livin' doin' somethin'… I wish t' forget, but you don't see me goin' around killin' people for a god damn rifle!!" The last word seemed to echo a little around the room filling her ears; it faded quickly and was replaced by the sound of her own harsh breaths. Her mind fully kicked in, reprimanding her for her torrent of words, her tone and drinking too much.

Within a flash Joey had moved from his seat, his face mere inches from her own. "You know nothing about me!" he hissed. "You talk too much even for a gringo!"

Ella narrowed her eyes, "Well, it just says a lot if all ya can do is insult me." She turned and made for the bundle of clothing, feeling tired with the conversation… if it could even be called that.

Before she had taken more than a few steps she felt his fingers twist into a clump of her hair and jerk her backwards. Joey pulled her to him his blue eyes blazing.

"I will not warn you again!" he whispered menacingly into her ear.

Normally Ella would have heeded any such warning but the whiskey had given her more courage than sense. "Are you gonna beat me?" she asked, her voice bearing the full weight of her contempt. "It won't be the first time a man's put his hands on me for tellin' the truth!"

Ella felt his hand relax and she spun to face him, her eyes shining with resentment. For a long moment they stared at each other, neither fully able to read the others expression. Slowly his hand came to rest at the nape of her neck, his fingers glancing across her flesh and despite the situation Ella felt a sharp jolt at the sensation. The feeling unnerved her and she tried to push him away, her palms pressed against his chest, but before she could put any weight behind her actions Joey forced her towards him, his soft lips pressed against her own. The kiss was full of need and desire almost verging upon violent in its intensity. Ella's eyes widened in surprise at the unexpected contact, her first instinct was to become angry at his forwardness, to scream at him some kind of reprimand but in her current state the most she could manage was to begin to push away from him. She struggled, but his arms enclosed her fast in an iron embrace, it wasn't tender or loving it was raw want, merciless and unforgiving. His mouth burned against hers and she knew he wasn't going to let her go without a fight - and she would have fought, but as his tongue flicked gently against her bottom lip and then probed across the seam of her mouth demanding access, Ella felt her eyes close as the impression of longing imprinted itself upon her. She allowed him to continue despite the small warning her mind tried to flash up.

Ella responded, her hungry kisses merging into his as she let her hands slide up his chest and come to rest around his shoulders. After a moment Joey began to guide her slowly backwards, not breaking apart their lips, towards the back of the house. He absently brushed the curtain aside, his destination set upon the bed. Ella's mind again tried to gain control, but her thoughts spun with too much drink and too much lust to make any sense or cause her to check her actions.

Slowly they climbed onto the lumpy, hard mattress. Joey's weight pressed on top of her as he began to grope clumsily at her body, his caresses stating all too plainly that although he was not inexperienced in the act, he was not in any way skilled. Ella had known a few men that acted in such a way, the truth of the matter had always been that these men had never had a steady woman or any kind of meaningful contact with a female. They paid for their pleasures with whores and because they were paying by the hour they liked to make the time go as quickly as possible - have their pleasure and leave. Ella found she was not surprised that this was the case with the man that now kissed her, his personality was not exactly endearing and she doubted he had ever laid a sweet word in any woman's ear or more to the point ever wanted to. She quickly suppressed the smile upon her lips at the thought that she would be the first woman he hadn't paid for.

Joey's hands groped further, his actions mirroring all the other times he had been with a woman, searching up her skirts, uncaring of anything but satisfying his own lust. The woman below him was just there to aid the transaction; he would get it over with quickly and hope the sick, disgusted feeling did not overwhelm him as it sometimes did after he performed such a task… He hated feeling as if he needed any woman and yet whores always made him feel like they were privileging him with their presence, that they were above him. He hated the feeling and despised such women, each time they made him feel this way he wanted to slit their throats, to wrap his hands about their necks and squeeze until their little fake smiles melted to grimaces.

He'd even done it once, killed one of these women that had pushed him too far. She had made fun of him, asking why he was rushing, and did all Mexican boys have weak peckers that couldn't stand more than a few minutes at a time… She'd been pretty, but not his usual girl, his usual girl was sick that night and no matter how he tried he could not force the craving away to have a woman. It was unusual and he decided to make an exception, he'd gone with another girl: he more or less instantly knew that he would end up hurting her. Unlike Katia, a small Mexican girl who did not speak a word and just lay back, letting him be as quick as he pleased, this woman did nothing but talk and ask questions. She was too cocky and began to make fun of him for his silence, no amount of warning cold looks would shut her up, looks that normally made men think twice when he directed them their way, this woman most likely on drugs or too much drink and didn't even notice the callous, dangerous glances he gave her. But he had to curb the urge first, he'd taken her quickly and without tenderness, being intentionally rough, but still she talked and taunted and he knew once the lust was satisfied he would kill her.

He'd gotten dressed slowly as she lay on the bed still half exposed, the sight sickened him, the fact he had used her instead of Katia sickened him further. As she reclined in half a stupor he had pulled her up from the bed and dragged her over to the small wash stand, she screamed of course, sounding like a dying pig to his ears but he knew no one would come to her aid, everyone here at this dirty little brothel knew Joey and knew not to get in his way. He'd forced her head down into the shallow bowl of water and held fast. She'd struggled, her arms flailing uselessly at her sides, but he hadn't relented, he'd held fast until the bubbles of air no longer appeared on the surface of the water and she slumped down. He kept her like this for some time just in case she'd only passed out and when he was finally sure she was dead he'd harshly pulled her from the water with a violent tug of her hair. Her eyes were still open; their depths bore a look of shock. Joey had left her lying in the middle of the room and left, paying the saloon owner double so he could find a new girl, he also requested that Katia never be indisposed again when he rode into the small village. As he left he had toyed with the idea of going back into the saloon, up to Katia's room and killing her too. After all, it was her fault that he now felt angry and disgusted with himself for satisfying his lust upon such a repugnant whore. But he decided to just go home instead, his mother may be making good food and he desired a tasty meal. As he mounted his horse he doubted he would return, the thought of bedding with a woman revolted him now, but still he smirked knowing that Katia would miss him a little.

Now he was with this gringo woman and she wasn't a whore, he wasn't paying her to act this way, she neither talked nor laughed at him, but neither was she still and lifeless as Katia had been. She pulled him to her with as much desire as he himself bore and the disgusted feeling was not present, instead it was only a deep burning of want that seemed to scorch through him, one that almost seemed pure and good to his soul. And he wanted her, not just to satisfy the lust that clawed at him but he wanted her, the woman herself, he could not remember ever feeling such a way…

Joey's fingers aided her own attempts as she began to unbutton her blouse; he helped her out of most of her clothing until she was dressed in no more than a petticoat and camisole. She lay back and he once more came to lie on top of her. His lips again sought her own, his kisses more desperate and wanting as he wrapped his hands about her thighs and parted her legs, with one swift thrust he entered her with a small grunt of satisfaction. Ella clutched onto his back at the roughness of his actions, he drew himself back to thrust once again and gently she pressed her hands against his hips, stopping his clumsy, violent attempts. Joey glanced down at her, suspicion flashing through his eyes. Ella gave him a drunken but reassuring smile and gently she began to kiss his cheeks with feathered kisses, brushing his lips softly with her own, he flinched at first but allowed her to continue. Her palms moved from his hips to rest upon his buttocks, she guided him with encouraging pushes to thrust slowly, deeply, showing him a rhythm that was better suited for them both. He gladly took her teachings and continued, his movements more controlled and less rushed. Ella let her hands slide up his back as her legs wrapped around his waist; Joey gave a small low groan at the unfamiliar position, his eyes closing for a moment as this new consciousness washed over him.

Ella studied his face; her hands softly stroking his cheeks, her fingertips caressed his full lips as his rhythm increased in speed. Ella found that she too was now letting low moans spill from her own lips as the passion built, with one hand she clutched at his shoulder and the other curled around the headboard of the iron bedstead. Joey again closed his eyes, this time tightly as his speed increased further, Ella clutched onto his back, her fingers digging into his shoulder blades. As the near unbearable emotion spilled over her she let out a small cry and her body relaxed. Joey's body stiffened, his mouth opened but for a moment but he made no noise and then as if he had been holding his breath he gasped, his breathing coming in small gulps.

His blonde hair fell into his face as he let his brow rest against her shoulder, trying in vain to regain his senses. Ella gave a small groan of satisfaction before letting her ankles unhook from his back and her legs fall leadenly back onto the bed. After a few seconds had passed, Joey rolled from her to the other side of the bed, his hair hiding any expressions as Ella looked on in puzzlement. She had half expected him to finish and then tell her to leave; it would not have been the first time a man had acted such a way… instead he now lay a few inches from her, his arms wrapped about his middle, his legs pulled up towards his stomach, his back facing her.

Ella hesitated and slowly sat up, brushing her damp hair out of her face. She gave a small shiver as a chill draft touched upon her bare, sweat beaded skin. Her dark eyes studied him carefully as if he were trying to pull a terrible prank on her; she narrowed her eyes, trying to gain her mind back from the drink.

Gently, tentatively, she reached out an unsure hand and laid her palm upon his shoulder. He flinched at her presence but Ella had already felt the tremoring that was running through him. Through the dim glow cast from the other room she again studied him once more, becoming aware that his whole body was shaking slightly as if he were freezing.

Ella opened her mouth but found that words died harshly upon her tongue, the sight of this man… this boy that she had taken for granted as a no good killer, that had made her afraid and on many occasions threatened her, someone she wouldn't waste water on if he had been burning alive, now looked like a strange frightened child, naked, vulnerable… and scared.

Slowly she lay down beside him, not quite knowing what she would do, but feeling a great urge to comfort him somehow. She molded her body against his; he flinched again at the contact but allowed it. Ella pulled the covers over them both and gently wrapped an arm around his middle.

"It's okay" she whispered, as his body gave another violent shiver. "It's okay." She lightly nuzzled his shoulder and placed tender kisses across his skin.

She stayed close until finally his shivers subsided and his breathing became soft and mellow as sleep fell across him. Ella lightly brushed the hair out of his face, watching him a moment and marveling at how handsome he was, how innocent he looked in sleep. She knew full well why his reaction had been so unexpected, on this night, for the first time in a long time, Joey Garza hadn't been the one with the power… for the first time in many years he had been free.


	11. Chapter 11

Ella awoke a few hours later. The room was still bathed in darkness, the candlelight was much lower than it had been when she had drifted into sleep and she assumed through her half awake state that one or two of them must had gone out. Slowly she moved her arm from around Joey's middle, determined to not wake him.

She went to sit up and winced as a dull throb began to make itself known in her head. She gave a low groan, her hand coming to her brow as she swung her legs off the edge of the bed and sat up fully. She should have known better than to drink so much, she never was able to hold her liquor and she knew from too many experiences with drunken men in her youth that nothing good ever came of whiskey… At the thought she glanced over her shoulder to the still slumbering form of Joey… She sighed, scolding herself silently once more that drinking never did anyone any good, and now thanks to her stupidity, aided by too much drink, she'd got herself into a situation that she never expected herself to be in – waking up with a hang-over and the knowledge she'd just bedded down with Joey Garza… a cold-blooded killer who treated his own family like the dirt upon his boots and thought little better of Ella herself…

She closed her eyes tightly, again reprimanding herself for her idiocy. She opened her eyes and gave a small nod, it couldn't be helped now, what was done was done and she just had to get herself out of yet another mess. She never could seem to avoid trouble no matter how hard she tried and this awareness left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Before she could fully gather her thoughts, Joey took a deep breath in, waking from sleep and slowly he turned, his eyes squinting at her in the gloom.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his voice thick with sleep.

Ella hesitated but found that he did not intend to wait for her answer.

"It is cold, get back in bed" he ordered, his voice tinged with irritation. "I don't like to be cold" he mumbled and lifted the covers for her to join him.

Ella shifted herself back under the covers and turned onto her side so she was not facing him. She jumped a little in surprise as she felt his hand slide around her waist; he gave a low sigh and was again still, but for Ella sleep would not come again easily on this night. Her thoughts reeled with what had just a happened, what she had done, but more importantly that she could not feel real regret and this disturbed her.

---

Ella finally opened her eyes once more; the wooden shack was bathed in warm sunlight that poured through the many cracks. She gave a groan as she became aware that her head still pounded and her tongue felt as if she'd just eaten half a bowlful of corn flour. She gave a dry cough and slowly pushed herself up, rubbing her hands across her eyes.

She concluded that she must have drifted off to sleep a few hours before dawn and now it had to be far past noon. She looked to her side, fully expecting to see Joey still lazing casually in sleep but the place beside her was empty. She glanced about the room seeing that his clothing, which had been discarded haphazardly upon the floor, was gone. Ella pulled the covers over her nakedness and with slow, careful movements to avoid her headache worsening she got up and washed and dressed herself. Then, leaving the bedclothes a mess, she wandered shakily out through the curtain and saw that everything was just how she had left it. She had to give him some credit for not stealing her belongings that had been sorted and wrapped making them easy to carry off if anyone wished.

Her food however had not been so lucky; Joey had eaten her frijoles and bread, not even leaving her a crumb. She went to the small mirror and finding an old and well used comb she tidied her hair as best she could and tied it back with a thick strip of cotton. She stared at the reflection of herself a moment, Maria would instantly know she had been drinking, her peaked look would easily give that away, but she wondered if her friend would sense anything else was not the same… Ella stared deep into the eyes of her reflection trying to discern if anything would reveal her secret…. She didn't think she could ever tell Maria what had happened with Joey, the shame burned heatedly within her cheeks, the emotion akin to betrayal.

She took a deep breath and tried to smile but it looked too forced.

"You've gone and messed things up again" she scolded her mirror image.

Ella turned and began to gather her belongings, making sure to carry the gun separately, she'd call in on Sandro and pay off Dave's debt just as she had intended. She found a jolt ran through her body at the realization that she hoped Joey would not be there, but in the same breath of feeling her skin prickled that he could be.

---

"Here ya go Sandro" Ella said, placing the two Colts on the bar counter. "These should pay off what Dave owed you."

Sandro took the guns and studied them a moment. "These should do" he said, his eyes widening a little.

"I know they are probably worth a little more than his amount but I ain't got any need for guns, just put any extra money left over on Billy's tab."

"Are you sure?" Sandro asked, squinting at her as if she would change her mind at any moment.

"Yeah I'm sure." She waved a hand at him, "I'm goin' home, too tired to stand here talkin' to you all day."

"You look like you drank too much Senorita." Sandro gave a chuckle.

Ella again waved a hand at him absently as she made her way out of the saloon, slinging the large bundle of items once more over her shoulder. She walked slowly through the village, the sunlight hurting her eyes and making her head feel as if it was throbbing so hard that it would explode if she didn't find shade soon. Finally Maria's was in view, the sight more than welcome. She tiredly mounted the steps and made her way towards the door.

"You look like death gringo" Joey's voice sneered.

Ella turned quickly, finally seeing him over the huge sack she carried, she eyed him nervously. She gulped, finding that her voice had once again deserted her and continued to stare at him. He smirked, his casual stance and expression not flickering.

"Perhaps you should not drink so much. El burro sabe mas que tu." He actually smiled and Ella knew he had just insulted her harshly.

She finally narrowed her eyes, all the fluttering that had began to happen within her stomach at the sight of him disappeared, replaced by a burning anger and urge to slap him hard across his smug face.

She stepped up onto the small porch and studied him, her eyes blazing heatedly with contempt. "Well, whiskey helps numb many things, like bedding with useless men" she spat, not caring that the words were crass. "Hell, if women never drank _some_ men would never get under any women's skirts." She gave a cruel smirk that turned into a sly grin. "Now, I got better things to do, so if you'll excuse me" she said, regaining her normal courteous, proper manner. Before he could come back with any retort Ella pushed against the door and kicked it closed behind her.

---

"Ella" Maria said with a warm smile as she entered the room. Ella fought back the feeling of guilt that began to trickle into her consciousness, pushing it from her mind as best she could. "Are you alright?" Maria asked, leaving the task of kneading fresh dough and coming to Ella's side.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, I just drank a little bit too much of Dave's whiskey" Ella said quickly, wanting none of her friends sympathy or caring. She threw down the heavy bundle.

"Ah, you should know better, drinking is bad for the heart as well as the mind" Maria said in a motherly tone.

Ella nodded, "Well, I won't do it again for a good while" she said briskly, and sat down in a chair with a low moan. "My head feels like there is someone inside banging a drum too loud."

Maria pottered around for a moment before setting down a glass of water before her, sweetened with many spoonfuls of honey. "That will help." She paused as Ella gulped down the liquid.

"Thanks" Ella managed, the combination of a headache and Maria's kindness causing her to feel slightly sick.

"You should try to rest, it is the best cure."

Ella again nodded. "Yeah, I think I'll rest a little while, you can sort through that bundle I brought back if you like, see if anything is useful, thought I'd sell the blue dress, get some better ones for it." Ella got up from the chair and placed herself in the larger chair by the smoldering fire, her eyes closing, wanting the bliss of sleep.

"I will not let you sleep too long" Maria said, resuming her task.

"Thanks" Ella mumbled.

---

When Ella's eyes flickered open the light was waning from the sky. She glanced about, knowing that she had overslept by many hours; it was unlike Maria to not keep her word. She slowly pushed herself up from the chair and walked with soft steps over to the table. Her worries were soon laid to rest; Maria was sleeping, her head resting upon her arms. Ella gave a warm smile towards her friend; she worked so hard and deserved a good rest. She was happy to realize that her headache was gone; she got herself some bread and cheese and ate it slowly, knowing that she would feel even better after her body had some food in it. She gulped down a cup of buttermilk and gave a satisfied sigh.

Ella quietly crept over to the door not wanting to wake Maria and at least give her a few more moments of peace. Ella knew they had leftovers that could be easily heated up later so there was no rush to prepare a meal. She closed the door as noiselessly as she could and let her eyes graze over the village, her gaze was drawn to the animal pen in which both Teresa and Rafael were currently playing in, stroking the animals.

Ella made her way towards them. "Hey" she said quietly, so as to not startle either of them.

"Ella," Teresa said with a smile, "shall we come in?"

"No," Ella replied, "your Ma's sleeping, let her have a little longer."

Teresa nodded.

"I'll come fetch you before it gets dark; you just keep on having fun huh" Ella said as she began to make her way over to the laundry she had just noticed. She grabbed a basket from near the steps and began to gather the shirts, skirts and other clothing that was now dry.

She felt his presence well before she knew he was standing behind her. Ella turned quickly, shading her eyes a little from the sun.

"What?" she said, knowing her tone was forcedly harsh, she wanted to hurt him. "I got work to do."

Joey's calm mask twisted for a moment, his face contorting into anger, he lunged forward, his hand clasping painfully around her wrist.

"Don't ever talk to me the way you did today again!" he said through gritted teeth, pulling her harshly forward a few steps.

Ella met his gaze with her own, "Well don't insult me then!" She tried to twist her hand from his grip but he held fast. After a moment she stopped her struggles and moved her eyes to his once again. She wondered how long he had been waiting to get her alone and threaten her, she got the feeling that Joey was not someone who let things go easily.

"What do you want from me Joey?"

At the sound of his name passing her lips his eyes flickered briefly with surprise.

"I don't like playin' games," she paused, "an' I don't expect much to change after… last night, but you could at least stop treatin' me so harsh."

Joey continued to watch her as if waiting for her to add something cruel but Ella cast her eyes from him.

"I ain't had a good life, I ain't a good woman, but I'm tryin'." She paused, "Just don't make it harder for me, okay."

Joey seemed lost for words for a moment before he seemed to regain himself. "I am not making things hard for you gringo; you make things hard for yourself." His words were smug and their aim was to hurt.

Ella narrowed her eyes and moved closer to him. "You're just sore cause I hurt your feelin's, you should try bein' straight with yourself sometime." She made to walk away but Joey again pulled her back by her wrist.

"I told you not to talk to me that way!" He pulled her closer to him. "You said you do not fear me." He narrowed his eyes, his grip tightening, pinching her wrist. "I can make you." His tone was threatening.

"You can't make me do anythin'" she hissed, her own anger blazing. "I did what I did because I wanted to."

"Then you are just a gringo whore, giving yourself to any man." Joey's smirk reappeared as Ella's eyes widened at his stinging insult.

Before she could check her actions her hand flew, slapping him roughly.

"Don't you dare call me a whore!" she barked. "I know you better than you think, I know you felt something you didn't want to feel last night and you're running scared."

Joey looked up, his palm upon his cheek, his eyes burning with violent anger.

"That's all you ever do, you run, fast as you can and don't look back…" She trailed off as he continued to stare at her with his deadly, cool gaze, she wished bitterly she hadn't struck him, those eyes continued to bore into her and she was afraid.

"Do not hit me again!" he said lowly, his tone full of untold threats.

"Don't give me reason to" Ella retorted, more in a reaction to the words, she didn't want to reply she wanted to turn and walk away, run… and her voice faltered as she looked into those intimidating eyes.

Joey glanced over her face as they stared at each other, then with a violent push he let her go.

Ella rubbed her wrist absently, looking at him warily wondering what he would do, his face as always was unreadable apart from anger…

She glanced down at the ground a moment before deciding that she would have to defuse the situation before it became anymore dangerous. "I'm sorry if I made you sore with what I said, I was just angry… an' I'm sorry I hit you"

Joey's eyes again flashed with uncertainty and irritation at the words she spoke.

"You don't have to say you're sorry, I'll just assume you didn't mean none of it either." She turned back to the clothing and continued to gather them into the basket in her view the conversation was other, he would probably sneer at her back and insult her later.

Suddenly she felt his body press against her back, his hands snaked around her waist, she stiffened unsure of his motives and for a moment she thought his touch was hesitant, gauging her reaction. Ella felt that same jolt shoot up her spine at his closeness only this time she had no whiskey to blame it on.

Ella abandoned the washing and covered his hands with her own as desire surged through her body, her head lolled gently back against his chest as his soft lips found her neck and she guided his caresses across her stomach and over her breasts, the touch was light but enough to send shivers through her skin and make the fine hairs upon her arms stand on end.

"Do not hit me again" he whispered into her ear, this time his voice held smoothness in its tone but it was still cool, demanding.

Ella turned to face him, she hesitated before brushing her hands tenderly against his cheeks, then she acted more boldly than she felt, she reached up, meeting his lips with her own in a passionate kiss. They broke away slowly and studied each other; finally she nodded in reply to his demand.

She turned from him again, trying to suppress the smile that wanted to appear on her lips.

"Will you help me take the clothin' in?"

She heard him kick at the dusty ground.

"No," he said simply, "I am not a woman."

Ella heard his footsteps recede away from her; she let the smile loose and tried to make sense of what had just happened.


	12. Chapter 12

The next few weeks seemed strange, almost as if Ella were living in a strange dream where she wasn't herself. And yet she was more herself than she had ever been, she had a feeling of belonging, of finally being home. She had never imagined that she would end up in a situation like the one she now found herself in. She continued to see Joey behind Maria's back, they would retreat to the old empty shack whenever Joey gave her a casual indication of what he wished with his eyes or a small movement of his hand. Ella was not normally the kind of woman that lost all her senses around a man, she had met many in her life and shared her bed more times than she cared to count but this was different than all those times, different than when she had thought she had wanted a man or loved them. This feeling she had with Joey was all consuming, she thought about him constantly when they weren't together and when they were she dreaded the parting, she knew she had formed a small obsession but did not let this fact dwell within her thoughts.

She did not think for a moment that it was love, it was desire, strong and intense: she had never felt this way before, not even with her late husband. She now understood fully that with Dave she had been swept up in the excitement of marrying an outlaw, perhaps if she had truly loved or even desired Dave as much as she desired Joey they would have been able to rub along together, instead the shine had tarnished and Dave had just been another coarse man that treated her badly.

With Joey she found that even though she knew and had seen the bad side of him, hated his anger, cruelty and the way he treated his own family she could not tear herself from him. Just thinking about their liaisons made her heart beat faster, seeing him walk past her in the street and gaining a small knowing smile from his lips meant that she spent the rest of the day grinning like a simpleton. She still fought against him sometimes, their arguments were heated and sometimes verging upon dangerous but she always seemed to find enough sense to defuse it when she knew they were going around in circles. When they did fight one of two things happened, they ended their outburst in a passionate entanglement or Joey would storm away from her, cursing under his breath in Spanish.

But they both always came back for more, she knew that she was stupid for it, knew that nothing good could come from them being together and yet she could not give him up.

---

Ella lay against Joey's chest in the aftermath of their love making while he gently dozed, his head resting against the iron bedstead. Gently she took one of his hands that had been resting casually against her stomach and studied it. The palm was smooth, soft and warm, the back of his hand was threaded with thin blue veins, she turned it back over rubbing her thumb absently along the outline of his palm once again. She found herself wondering how many men his hands had killed, how many times he had pulled the trigger… had he enjoyed it, did he still enjoy it… Her fingers paused, his hands were not large but still they held a strength to them that was hard to understand, just like the rest of him, his eyes, movements even his walk was outlined in strength and certainty as if he already fully knew what the future held… or didn't care. She resumed her caress and closed her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Joey's voice was muted and lethargic. "I am trying to sleep."

Ella gave a small smile. "I was just lookin' at your hand is all" she said quietly, knowing he hated his sleep being disturbed.

Joey shifted slightly, his free hand going to his face as he brushed it across his eyes dispelling a little of the tiredness.

"And what do you see?" he asked heavily.

"I don't know, I never know what I'm looking at with you" she whispered, her fingers now tracing the small lines that creased his palm.

She felt Joey push gently against her back, silently telling her to move and let him get up. Ella shifted aside to let him pass as he got out of bed and pulled on his white cotton drawers, tightening them at the waist before sitting back down upon the bed. He carefully pushed his hair behind his ears and looked over at her, his blue eyes searching her face for a moment.

"Are you leaving?" she asked, trying to hide the disappointment she felt.

"Yes, I have things to do" he said casually, picking up his shirt and buttoning it up to his neck.

Ella sat back and watched as he began to pull on his dark grey britches, tucking his shirt tails into them before fastening a belt around his waist and then securing his gun belt.

"Are you goin' far?" she asked, unable this time to keep the resentment that he was leaving her from her tone.

He looked over his shoulder at her, his brow creased slightly before he stooped and picked up his brown waistcoat.

"You do not want me to leave?" he asked, not looking at her.

Ella remained silent, her pride not allowing her to speak and let it be known fully that he affected her more than he knew.

"I am not going far; I will be back late tomorrow" Joey finally said, relenting in giving her the information.

"Where are you goin'?" she asked in a whisper, knowing that to ask this was most likely a good way to flare up his temper.

He glanced at her again and sat down upon the bed pulling on a pair of woolen socks.

"I have things to do" he repeated, his voice bearing the slightest wisp of warning that she had over stepped her mark.

She watched as he began to pull on his heavy leather boots.

"But you'll come back?" Ella asked, her voice cracking on the last word.

Joey halted in picking up his jacket from where it lay on a chair and turned to her once again, his eyes narrowed as if trying to understand her tone and words.

Ella glanced down as he continued to watch her; she pulled the covers up hiding her nakedness.

Joey cocked his head. "What do you mean?" he finally asked, "I just told you I would." His voice verged upon annoyance.

Ella shifted her gaze, meeting his eyes briefly. "You know…" she hesitated, "They are sendin' people after you."

"Si!" Joey said a little too irritated, gesturing with his arm. "My mother has already told me this news." He narrowed his eyes further as if he were convinced she was only talking to pester him.

"Maybe if you just stayed low a while, maybe…" she paused, her fingers idly plucking at the bedclothes. "Maybe they'll be waiting for you" she finally blurted.

Joey's face flashed something unreadable and his lips curved into a small smirk. "You are worried for me?" he said with a small laugh.

Ella tried to hide the hot flush that rose through her body caused by both embarrassment and indignation at his amused tone. He sat heavily down upon the bed once again as she continued to avoid his gaze.

Without warning he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him, pressing their bodies tightly together.

"I'll come back" he said simply. "I am afraid of nada; if Call comes he will be the one to regret chasing me."

Ella studied him a moment as he let his eyes take in her features. He moved forward and brushed his lips softly against hers in a whisper of a kiss before letting her go and getting to his feet.

"Besides," he added, his voice full of smugness, sliding his arms into his jacket, "I have a woman to come back to, even if she is a gringo." He flashed her a devilish smile before placing his hat upon his head and without another word or glance he left.

---

Ella sat at the table with Maria, Teresa, Raphael and Billy who had called in to eat the evening meal with them. The conversation was on chickens, crops and wagons and Ella felt her thoughts begin to drift, her eyes glazing over, her mind not resting as images of Joey lying hurt and dying haunted her. A large brute of a man standing over him laughing cruelly as a lawman's badge shone upon his chest. The thought made her heart ache unbearably and she felt tears pricking the corners of her eyes, she was slowly coming to realize that her feelings for Joey Garza were strong, she couldn't call them love… not yet, the word scared her.

"Joey left yet?"

The mention of his name brought her back to herself and the spoon she had been idly stirring in her meal clattered to the table.

"Ella?" Maria questioned, looking with concern at the young girl who looked shocked and disquietened.

"Sorry" Ella said, picking up her spoon. "I'm tired, my mind's wanderin'."

Maria gave a nod as if to say this answer was satisfactory. "No" she said, turning back to Billy. "Joey has not left." She paused, her face flashing with a pained expression and Ella felt the guilt rise once again. "He will not listen, he never listens."

Ella knew her words to be the truth; she doubted anyone could make Joey do anything he did not want to do.

"Last I heard is Call was boarding a train coming this way, still take him a while, Joey has time if he's smart" Billy said.

Ella hesitated and then finally forced out the words she wished to ask. "Is this Captain Call really all as bad as you say Maria?"

Maria nodded slowly. "He killed my father; brothers... hung them and brought them back to the village for stealing horses."

Ella nodded a little her guts seeming to churn, if the man was so harsh with horse thieves Joey did not stand much chance of leniency.

"He is the worst kind of man" Maria continued, her face set in long past memories of anger. "He kills for money, not for what is right and wrong but to fill his own pockets." She took in a deep breath. "I have lost many of my family because of him; I will not lose Joey to him."

Ella nodded, silently repeating to herself that she too would not lose Joey to this lawman Call either.

---

Teresa sat by Ella's feet as Ella finished telling her a story that her own mother had often told her on lazy Autumn nights.

"That was good Ella" Teresa said. "Did the Sleeping Beauty really live with her prince in happiness forever?"

"They normally do in fairytales Honey" Ella said with a smile.

Teresa furrowed her brow, "But only in fairytales?"

Ella glanced down at the perceptive young girl, seeing no reason to lie to her. "Yes, life ain't never that easy, but…" she paused, "It doesn't mean you can't be very happy if you find someone you really love and marry them."

Teresa nodded, "I am unsure I want any man."

"Well if you decide you do I'm sure you will find one." Ella said, placing a hand tenderly upon Teresa's shoulder. "You are the prettiest girl in the village after all, once you are a little older you'll have many men wanting to marry you, just make sure you pick the right one." Teresa grinned and Ella let out a small laugh. "Life ain't a fairytale, but fairytales are a little tiresome."

Teresa laughed and got to her feet.

"Good night Tessie" Ella said as the young girl bent and kissed her cheek. "Sleep well."

"Good night Ella." She turned to the direction of her mother, "Good night Mama."

"Good night Teresa, try not to wake your brother" Maria said, walking over and hugging her daughter to her.

Maria watched after her a moment before turning her attention to Ella, she pulled up a chair and sat down drying her hands absently on a cloth.

"Ella" Maria said, drawing Ella's attention from watching the small flames of the fire.

"Hm?" Ella asked, still slightly distracted.

"You have not been yourself these last few weeks."

This statement caught Ella's full attention and her head jerked to Maria.

"What do you mean?" Ella replied, trying to keep her voice light and unconcerned.

"You seem distracted, like something is in your thoughts… or someone."

Ella felt her heart triple its beat… she knew…

"Someone? I…"

"I understand" Maria said with a warm smile, interrupting her. "You did not really love Dave; you should not feel guilty for this, what you sometimes think is love is just youth"

Ella glanced away before meeting her friend's eyes again, not quite knowing what Maria was trying to get at, the thought that she knew made her feel as if her insides were squirming unpleasantly.

"And you should not feel guilty for wanting another man." Maria again smiled, this time reassuringly. "Doc is a good man and I know he will come back for you, he must have a new job, it has been many months but I feel he will come back"

"Doc?!" Ella said, unable to stop the name blurting from her. Like a violent jolt Ella remembered the man that had revealed his feelings to her, it seemed years ago now… He said he loved her and she'd been happy, how could she have forgotten him so easily, the remorse and guilt stabbed hard at her heart and she bowed her head knowing that her feelings and emotions had changed so much since then. If he did come back what could she say… what could she do if he came back offering her the world…

Maria mistook her friend's reactions as guilt over her feelings for Doc and wrapped her arm around Ella's shoulders.

"Life is too short to not be happy, after four husbands I know this, do what makes you happy."

Ella gave a certain nod, feeling more than uncomfortable by Maria's caring attitude, feeling she did not deserve it.

Slowly Maria patted her tenderly upon her back. "He will come back" she said, finishing clearing up. "It is late, I will sleep" Maria said, giving Ella a small smile and then she blew out a few candles and made her way to the curtain, pushing it aside and disappearing from view.

Ella sat in the chair a moment and closed her eyes, wishing with every ounce of her being that her friend was wrong.


	13. Chapter 13

The day went by slowly, too slowly, and Ella found she kept looking out of the window, silently tracing the path of the sun across the sky, waiting and watching for any sign that he was returning. It wasn't until well into the late afternoon that she finally saw his black horse making its way up the path through the village towards them. Ella felt her heart leap in her chest at the sight, she leaned forward, shielding her eyes from the sun and studied him, he seemed to be sitting up in his saddle proudly as always, no hint of injury hung around him and Ella let out a low sigh.

"What is it Ella?" Teresa said, startling her.

"Christ Tessie, don't sneak up on people!" Ella scolded, instantly feeling guilty for her harsh words. "You startled me is all" Ella said, chancing another glance at Joey, her lips curling into a hint of a smile.

"What do you see outside?" Teresa asked, not letting Ella go so easily.

"Oh nothing," Ella said, flustered, "just someone looking a bit drunk near the saloon, made me smile" she lied.

Before another word could be spoken Maria bustled into the house and placed down a basket that contained a dead chicken.

"Joey is back" she said, taking the chicken out and laying it upon the table.

"Oh" said Ella, trying once again to sound disinterested but she saw the strange look upon Teresa's face and knew the girl suspected something more than a town drunk…

Ella turned from the window and patted at her hair, it was tied loosely in a low ponytail, keeping any strands out of her face. It was not long before the familiar sound of heavy boots accompanied by the clink of spurs could be heard coming up the path.

Joey pushed the door open with his foot and quickly closed it behind him with a loud thud, he glanced at her, his eyes glinting slightly.

"Where have you been?" Maria asked, turning to look at him.

Ella watched as the familiar scene began to play out, knowing that it would only end in another argument between mother and son. Joey made no reply as always and wandered further into the house laying his belongings on a far table.

"You are being reckless" Maria said slowly. "You should leave the village and find somewhere to hide."

"I will not hide, I am not a coward." He said the words casually and with a slight mocking, his tone stating clearly what he thought of her. "I will leave when I want to."

"Then you are a fool!" Maria said, her temper flaring. "I cannot keep them from you forever!"

"I am not asking you to Mama." He said the last word with bitter resentment.

"Your temper is getting worse; I cannot have you here if you keep acting this way Joey!"

"Cierra la boca!" Joey said, his anger breaking through.

"Do not to speak to me in such a way!" Maria said darkly. "You treat your brother and sister badly and Ella too has suffered because of you, I will not have you speak to anyone in my home in such a way again!"

Joey's eyes flew to Ella, their eyes met for a few moments. Maria watched him, mistaking his expression for hatred and the wish to do her young friend harm.

"Do not even think of hurting Ella! I will not have you go near her; she is my friend and is worth more than two of you." Maria's anger was in full force.

Ella briefly closed her eyes, knowing that Maria did not mean her cruel words but Maria and her son shared a very similar temperament and when they clashed, words were thrown like knives.

Joey let loose a cruel, dark laugh and looked directly back at his mother, his eyes shining with dangerous amusement.

"Mama" he said slowly, as if he were speaking to someone that was stupid and hard of hearing. "You do not know your friends well…" He glanced slyly at Ella and she felt her heart give a sickening lunge, knowing what he was about to do and feeling the icy dread snake its way up her spine. "Like everything else that has happened in your patetica vida." He said through gritted teeth. "You do not see what is right in front of you."

Maria stared at him, her eyes narrowing as she tried to understand his words. Ella slid her hand over her skirts realizing that she was beginning to sweat slightly with the pressure of the situation.

"What are you talking about?" Maria asked bluntly.

Joey gave a smug smile as if he had just won a great battle and again glanced at Ella. Ella swallowed hard and shook her head trying to warn him to not go any further but the movement was not quick enough to avoid Maria's eyes.

"What is going on?" Maria said, looking from one to the other.

"Your friend, the one you trust so much has been sharing a bed with me for many weeks, usted estúpido mujer." He smirked again.

Maria's mouth opened and then closed as no words were forthcoming. Slowly she turned to Ella, her look puzzled. Ella stared at her wide-eyed, knowing that she couldn't hide it now.

"Your gringo friend is just as much a whore as you Mama" Joey said, his lips curling into a fully vicious smile.

Maria turned, her hand once again connecting with her son's face in a fit of rage. Joey stopped a moment, recoiling from the blow before he again looked up, a shallow laugh emitting from him.

Maria's glaze flew once more to Ella, their normally warm depths blazing with anger and betrayal.

"Is this true?" she asked stiffly. "Have you been lying with my son?!" She paused, glancing at Joey as he continued to laugh. "Have you lied to me all this time?" Her eyes narrowed in disgust at the thought.

Ella's mouth flapped open and closed several times, strangled sounds just making themselves known on her lips.

"Maria," she finally managed, "I…" Her words died and she bowed her head, not knowing what else could be said.

Maria took in a deep breath through her nose and stood up tall, her demeanor proud. "Your silence is all I need to know" she said darkly. "Get out of my house!" she hissed, throwing her arm up in the direction of the door. "You are not welcome here."

Ella stared at her friend, tears already beginning to prick at her eyes. Maria then turned upon Joey.

"Get out of my sight" she said, her voice regaining its calmness. "I will not speak of this again Joey."

"Maria…" Ella tried as Maria began to make her way to the back of the house; the older woman held up a hand, her gesture telling Ella silently that she would listen to no more.

Without glancing at Teresa, not wanting to see the young girl's hurt expression, Ella quickly gathered what belongings she could manage and rushed out of the door, unable to contain the tears that now fell in torrents down her cheeks.

---

Ella returned to the old shack, knowing that she had to now accept that this was her home. She let her bundle fall onto the table and wandered dazedly into the back where she allowed her body to flop onto the bed. She stared up at the cracked ceiling, berating herself for everything and anything and knowing that she had hurt Maria deeply, not by becoming involved with her son but by keeping it a secret from her. She wiped at her now sore eyes and rolled onto her side, bringing her legs up to her chest and hugging a pillow against herself.

She was not in this position for long before she heard the door open and the familiar sound of spurred footfalls filled the room. Joey pushed the curtain aside and looked at her; he carried a large sack over his shoulder. He let the bag fall to the floor and watched her for a moment.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, his voice annoyed.

Ella looked at him through her tears and gave a loud sniff but did not reply, this did not seem to concern him.

"I want to leave a few things here, I feel they will be better kept here than at my mothers'" he said picking, up his bundle and stuffing it into a cupboard. Before closing the doors he searched for a moment before pulling out a small box.

"Here" He threw it towards her and Ella stared down at where it landed near her on the bed. She did not move for several moments. Joey closed his eyes slowly as if fighting back anger and said something in Spanish under his breath. "Open it!" he instructed.

Ella looked down at the box once again and after a moment she sat up and picked it up. Letting her fingers smooth over the fine black leather, she opened it and looked inside, a beautiful delicate ruby and gold necklace sparkled out at her from its white silk pillow.

"I would have left it," Joey said casually, "but I thought you might want it."

Ella glanced up at him and then back down at the necklace, her tears renewing. In a quick blur of movement she had got to her feet and hurled the box just to the side of his head, it hit the wall and fell to the ground with a soft thud.

"I don't want your damn necklace!!! I don't want anything to do with what you steal!!" she screeched, her tears making it hard to control the level of her voice.

Joey flinched as the box flew past him and then looked down at it, his jaw setting in rage as his eyes flashed dangerously.

"Why'd you have t' tell her!" Ella said, her voice losing some of its conviction. "You've ruined everything!" She again slipped down to a sitting position on the bed, her hands covering her face.

"Fine!" Joey said heatedly, he kicked the box violently towards her. "Stay here and cry like the stupid woman you are!" He took a few steps forward, lunging a little at her with his words.

He cursed in his own tongue before turning and throwing back the curtain. Ella heard him knocking over chairs with sounds of outrage and then the door slammed and she was left fully alone.

---

It had been over five days since Ella had last seen Joey, she tried not to venture out of the house if she could avoid it - after all the whole village probably knew why Maria had kicked her out by now and she had no desire to see their stares and hear their cruel whispers as she passed by. Gordo and Billy as always were still kind to her and Billy visited her on a regular basis, helping her with food and other chores. Ella knew he felt more than grateful to her for near enough paying off the money he owed to the saloon and she felt the same feeling in return for his kindness now.

"How is Maria?" Ella asked as casually as she could manage, eating the small amount of stew Billy had brought with him.

"She's calmin' some; her temper makes her say things she don't mean, you know that." Billy paused, his old eyes studying her. "She'll come around soon and want to talk to you," he smiled, "you'll see."

Ella nodded."I hope so."

"Has Joey been around lately?" Billy asked, raising his eyebrows.

Ella glanced away quickly, embarrassment hiding behind her eyes. "No, not since… not since a few days ago."

Billy nodded. "You shouldn't have gone gettin' yourself involved with him" Billy said, and Ella put her spoon down in exasperation knowing he was going to again reprimand her for her behavior.

"So you've already said Billy."

"I'm fond of Mary, would be fond of Joey if he let me… but I can't say he's got any good in him Ella, he ain't no good."

"You've already said that too" Ella said, giving him a look verging upon being a warning.

"I know, alright, don't start getting mad now." He paused and stroked absently at his beard. "I just don't understand you girl, you don't seem the type to lose your wits over a handsome face."

"It wasn't just his face" Ella said, a little more sulkily than she had intended. "I kinda liked him; he grew on me I guess."

"Grew on you?" Billy hooted a laugh. "Well ain't that a first, Joey growin' on someone." He chuckled to himself while Ella tried to control the annoyance that was stirring inside her.

"I was thinking of maybe going to visit Maria… not soon but…"

"Na, I think you should wait" Billy said, reaching for his hat. "Let her come to you."

Ella nodded, "Thanks again for the food Billy."

Billy gave her a comforting smile. "You're welcome, if I hear of any work I'll be sure to let you know, you might have to travel though."

"That's okay" Ella said. "Just appreciate you lookin' for me."

Billy opened the door as Ella stood from her seat to see him out but the old man's departure was halted quickly as he came face to face with Joey. The two men stared at each other as if sizing up an opponent.

"Evenin' Joey" Billy said with a nod.

Joey cast a repulsed eye over the old man before barging past him and into the house.

"Well, night Ella" Billy said, tugging the brim of his hat, his eyes bearing a look akin to warning advice.

"Night" Ella said closing the door after him.

"What is that old man doing here?" Joey asked before she had had chance to turn and face him.

"That 'old man' has been bringing me food so I didn't starve these last few days."

"You could have found me" Joey said, not looking at her and making his way to the back room. Ella shifted the bolt of the door into position and followed him.

"Well, I didn't much feel like seein' you" she said, watching him begin to remove his gun belt.

"I am tired" he declared, stating clearly within his tone that he no longer wished to discuss the matter.

He started to remove his clothing as Ella continued to watch him from near the curtain.

"Is your Ma still mad?"

Joey gave her a sideways glance and closed his eyes slowly before opening them again and letting his gaze fall upon her, his expression telling her silently that she was annoying him.

"I am tired" he repeated a little more forcefully.

"Fine" Ella said simply.

Joey finished removing his clothing until he was down to his drawers before he slipped under the covers.

Ella left him to sleep and returned back to her meal.


	14. Chapter 14

The evening wore on and Joey continued to sleep. Ella gathered his clothing and folded each piece carefully, placing them neatly on the seat of a nearby chair. She noticed that his shirt had a small hole appearing near the collar and took it with her to her seat by the fire. Finding herself a needle and thread she began to repair the damage. Her mind wandered as she worked, the fact that in truth she did not know what direction her life was going in began to gnaw at her. She knew that having any kind of future with the man that now slept in her bed was a foolhardy idea and yet she still could not force herself to tell him to leave and not come back… Even if she did she didn't think he'd listen and she did not think her resolve would last long if he was forever around her. She found that her thoughts were constantly interrupted by his image, thinking of him became almost a normal daily occurrence and she knew that even if Maria had given her a choice to leave him and stay or be with him and leave, she would have chosen the second option even though it was the unwise choice.

She gave a sharp cry as the needle slid into her finger, producing a spot of blood on the fabric she was working on. She brought the injured pad to her lips and sucked it gently for a moment. Ella's head jerked as a soft knock sounded at the door, breaking her more jarringly from her thoughts than the needle prick. She got out of the chair, laying the shirt on the seat she been sat upon and went to the door, unbolting it, assuming it was Billy again and that he had forgotten to ask her something earlier.

Ella's eyes widened as the open door revealed Maria.

"Hello Ella" Maria said with a small nod, the corners of her mouth turned down as she spoke.

"I… come in" Ella said, moving aside to allow Maria room to enter.

Maria gave another small nod and stepped inside, her eyes studying the interior as Ella again locked the door.

"Joey is here?" Maria's eyes were drawn to the shirt.

Ella glanced at the shirt and then at the older woman. "Yes" she said, watching Maria intently for any hint of reason as to why she had come. "He's sleepin'."

Maria nodded again and took a seat at the table. "I came because I cannot seem to feel right about what happened between us."

Ella sank down onto a chair opposite her and remained silent waiting for Maria to continue.

"I was angry; I have had time to think." Her eyes met Ella's; they still held an edge of stone to their depths. "Do you love my son?" she asked bluntly.

Ella was taken aback by the outright question and glanced away feeling flustered. "I don't know" she said finally.

Maria gave another small nod. "I am disappointed that you lied to me Ella, you were my friend." She paused. "But if you have feelings for Joey…."

Ella tried to avoid her gaze, the questioning making her feel uncomfortable. "I care about him, an' I worry about him… I even like spendin' time with him sometimes so... I guess I do have feelings for him."

Maria studied her with her deep brown eyes, her expression softening at the young girl's words, knowing easily from Ella's body language that she was already lost and just did not know this fact yet.

"And Joey? What are his feelings?" Maria asked slowly.

Ella couldn't stop the small whisper of a dry laugh that escaped her lips. "Joey… I don't know, you know well he don't talk much on his feelings."

Maria gave a wry smile before again meeting Ella's eyes with her own. "I am worried for you Ella, I love my son… but also I know him." She paused. "I hoped you would tell me you did not feel for him… but I see clearly that is not the truth and my heart is heavy with this news." She paused again. "You are a strong woman, but I do not know if you or anyone else is strong enough to stay by Joey's side, even I find it hard and he is my own blood…" Her words trailed off.

Ella fidgeted, not quite knowing what else to say.

"I want to tell you to leave the village, to stop before things become any worse, but I know you will not listen so all I can say is that I hope you are strong enough to withstand the whirlwind you have allowed into your life… I will say no more."

Maria rose from her chair and began to make for the door. Ella stood and reached out touching her upon the shoulder, Maria turned.

"Do you… think you will ever be able to forgive me Maria? You know I'm sorry for… everythin'." Ella cast her eyes down to the floor. "I don't know why I lied, I guess I was ashamed…"

Maria smiled, "I have already forgiven you." She patted Ella's hand, "But I can no longer help you."

Maria left leaving Ella feeling guilty, depressed and confused. She returned back to her chair by the fire and finished repairing the shirt before her eyes began to flutter closed on their own accord. She pushed herself to her feet and folded the shirt before making her way past the curtain and placing it with the rest of the pile of neatly stacked clothes.

Ella removed her own clothes down to her cotton chemise and pantaloons before tiredly slipping under the covers beside Joey. She gave a drowsy sigh and moved closer to his form, letting her arm rest in the slight curve of his waist. He shifted a little at her touch but did not stir enough to wake. Ella studied his face in the gloom, her eyes adjusting to the darkness. She smiled a little as her gaze grazed over his handsome features; in sleep he looked contented and almost angelic. She gently brushed a strand of hair from his brow and allowed her eyes to close.

---

The sound of heavy movement woke Ella from her slumber. Her eyes flickered open and she let out a low yawn, her gaze finally focusing as Joey climbed over her and started to pull on his clothes.

Ella took in a sleepy breath. "What time is it?" she mumbled pushing herself into a sitting position.

"Late," Joey said, "past noon."

Ella gave a low groan. "How come whenever you come here I end up sleepin' too long?"

Joey didn't reply but carried on dressing, he paused for a moment as he was about to put on his shirt, his fingers brushed near the collar before he again resumed, buttoning the shirt quickly.

"Where are you goin'?" Ella asked, pulling the covers from her body and sitting on the edge of the bed, fetching her own clothing from the floor.

"Why must you know everything I do?" He asked in slight annoyance. "The Saloon, I want a shave." He walked up to the small mirror hanging on the wall by a rusty chain and picked up a comb and began to tease out the knots from his hair.

"I might come with you, if you don't mind the company" Ella said ignoring his terse comment and finishing the last button on the top of her blouse before tucking it quickly into her skirt.

Joey smoothed his hair with his hands before turning to look at her. "Why?" he asked simply.

"I just thought it might be nice to spend some time with you outside of this house is all" she said, trying to keep her tone casual. "Whole town knows now."

Joey's lips curved into the ghost of a smirk. "So what my mother said was true."

Ella's eyes widened slightly. "You were awake yesterday?" she huffed indigently. "You should have made it known you were, it ain't polite to listen in to others' conversations."

Joey gave a small shrug and turned back to the mirror.

"What did you hear?" Ella asked, narrowing her eyes slightly.

Joey looked at her through his reflection. "That you are in love with me." His tone was strangely flat as he spoke the words.

"Now, I never said that"

Joey again smirked, "Si usted dice tan."

Ella glanced down, feeling a heated sensation bloom in her cheeks at his blasé attitude to her feelings. Finally she looked up to see him putting on his dark grey jacket.

"And what about you, do you feel anythin' for me?" She paused as his eyes closed briefly and again opened, fully upon her.

"You can come if you want" he said, after a moment of silence had passed.

He walked out, leaving her alone and Ella cursed softly under her breath, feeling like a dog begging its master for a scrap of attention. Finally her resolve faltered and she pulled on her boots, lacing them as quickly as she could before following him.

---

The saloon was already occupied by three Texan men when they arrived. Ella felt their eyes upon her as she followed Joey in; he cast an unconcerned glance their way before talking quietly with the barber. Ella tried to avoid looking at them, not wanting to give any of them an opening to talk to her, she knew she was luckier than most women in the village, she wasn't Mexican and therefore in their bigoted eyes she had to be treated with a margin of respect.

Joey slowly took a seat in the barber's chair that sat bathed in the full light of a large window. Ella sat down nearby and chanced a glance over at the Texans, feeling as if she could not speak in their presence, she could easily sense Joey's dislike of them.

"Can you believe it?!" Ella heard one of them say, he was a little shorter than the other two, scruffy, and to Ella's eyes he looked like a trouble maker once too much drink had been poured down his throat. He knocked back another shot of the amber liquid he was drinking, before he leisurely gestured in the direction of Joey and Ella. "Damn Mex's takin' our women, it ain't right."

Ella glanced at Joey; he closed his eyes for a moment as if trying to control his anger before he signaled for the barber to start. The man did not hesitate, sensing the volatile situation. He began to lather white soap onto Joey's cheeks and chin and then proceeded to carefully run the straight edged razor across Joey's chin and upper lip with expert ease.

"Well," another continued, "just take one of theirs."

The three let out rough, dirty laughter before the scruffy man's eyes were drawn to the large window Joey sat in front of.

"Oh" he said, patting his friend warmly. "Well, well, well." He walked a little drunkenly towards Joey, his eyes on something outside.

Joey turned slightly at the sound of his voice, his eyes calmly watching as disgust hinted upon his lips.

"Hold on Jethro!" He gave out another dirty laugh and Joey's look darkened.

Ella peered out, trying to see what the Texan had seen, with a trickling dread she realized Maria was walking down the road carrying a basket.

Joey gave him a soured glance over, as if sizing up the repugnant man.

The Texan wasted no more time but hurriedly made his way out and down the steps followed closely by his two companions.

"Hey puta!" he called towards Maria. "Hey puta, wait up."

Ella saw Joey calmly raise his hand, silently instructing the barber to stop. The barber did as he was told; his eyes already taking on a foreboding and scared look. Joey leaned slowly forward watching the scene for a moment.

"When I tell a whore to wait, she better wait!" the Texan said, catching hold of Maria.

Ella slowly stood up to gain herself a better view. "Maria should put that dirty snake in his place" Ella hissed, feeling indignant anger on her friend's behalf. "All they do is cause trouble when they come."

Joey did not reply, he slowly wiped the remaining white lather from his face with a cloth.

"What about a drink puta?" The Texan was holding Maria's arm. She stared at him for a moment before violently wrenching herself from his grip.

"I am no puta senor!" Maria turned and walked past him trying to hold onto her dignity. The Texan watched after her, his face betraying not only his disappointment but his shame at being rebuffed so harshly.

The other two men had already mounted their horses and gave a sharp laugh at their friend's humiliation.

"You're not near as pretty as you used to be Jethro!" one of them crowed while the other again began to chuckle.

Joey slowly pushed himself up from his chair.

"Where are you goin'?" Ella asked suddenly startled that he was leaving the saloon. She chanced a glance at the barber who looked down at his feet, his expression saying all too plainly that nothing good was going to come of this.

"Joey…" Ella tried, not quite daring to go after him as his certain strides took him towards the doorway, his hat hanging loosely from his hand. "Just leave it be..." Ella tried, the conviction in her voice faltering. She knew full well she couldn't talk him out of anything once he had his mind set on it. She gave a low groan and shared another uneasy look with the barber.

"What's he doin'?" she said, almost under her breath.

Joey reached the doorway and placed his hat casually upon his head as if he were doing no more than leaving the saloon for some other innocent errand. The only tell tale sign that all was not well was upon his lips which were tight and hard for a moment before relaxing into their usually fullness.

The Texan man made for his own horse with unstable strides, his face verging upon a blush at his friends' teasing. He reached for the reins.

"Senor?" Joey said calmly, his face not giving a hint of the anger that was boiling just beneath the surface, his eyes glinted slightly betraying some form of pleasure.

The Texan turned all his frustration upon the young boy before him. "Yeah, whaddya want _Mex_?" he asked, his tone belittling.

Joey did not answer, his face was calm, his mouth tightened once more for a second before he raised his hand, a gun curled firmly in his palm, his finger locked upon the trigger. He cocked it with ease, his cool blue eyes staying fully upon the man before him. The Texan's bravado disappeared, his expression flashing to fear.

Without hesitation Joey pulled the trigger. The sound echoed through the village and Ella jumped in surprise at just how loud it was.

"Oh lord," she breathed, "he shot him!" She rushed out onto the porch, her eyes drawn to the dead man lying near the bottom of the steps - a single bloody gunshot to his head. Ella heard a few women scream and call out in shock as the realization of what had just happened descended upon them. The Texan's horse had taken fright and was trotting away down the path. Ella couldn't believe what she was seeing, Joey had been so calm, so uncaring…how could he shoot a man without flinching as if it were no more than deciding what food to eat, this man's life had meant nothing to him…

Before Ella could find her voice Gordo bustled out of where he had been working, his white apron stained with fresh pig's blood and a knife clasped in his hand. The two other Texan men glanced around them, suddenly afraid, and without pausing spurred their mounts onwards and out of the village. Ella noticed that Maria too was now in the street, looking around her in confusion as she tried to gather news of what had just happened. Gaining some form of events she turned and picking up her skirts began to run over to the saloon as Joey descended the stairs indifferent to the panic around him. Ella had to admit that his attitude scared her a little, her feelings only heightened as she heard murmurings from woman around them, 'Diablo' they mumbled their eyes upon Joey.

Gordo rushed quickly towards Joey. "What have you done?!" the man said, his voice almost pleading Joey to acknowledge the scale of the problem he had just brought down upon the village. "Now the hard Sheriff is going to come from across the river, he's going to beat us all!"

Joey did not turn to face Gordo, his demeanor still unruffled. "No," he said certainly, "he will only beat her!" He turned back as he heard his mother's running footsteps, his gaze focusing upon her. "She made it happen." He turned again, unconcerned once more and intent on walking away from them down the path.

Ella rushed hurriedly down the steps, her heart in her throat as Maria rushed after her son catching him roughly by his arm and forcing him to face her.

"What have you done?!" Maria asked angrily.

Ella walked slowly up behind her friend, knowing that she should keep her distance in this moment.

Joey looked back at his mother as if she were stupid. "I killed a gringo Mama" he said slowly, his tone was as if he were talking to simple minded child. "I only like gringos when they're dead!" His voice suddenly became harsh as he spoke. He turned once more to walk away, in his mind the conversation was over but again Maria spun him roughly around to face her.

"Now we will all be in trouble! Doniphan will come...the hard sheriff. If he catches you, he will hang you!" Maria said force and anger backing her words, trying to instil some emotion into her son, trying to make him see what he had done, the danger he had not only to put himself in but the whole village.

Joey smiled faintly a mocking light in his eyes. "He won't catch me, Mama." His voice was soft, like velvet. "But you know, he may catch you and the old man there." He said meaning Gordo who now stood behind Maria watching with wary eyes. Joey's smile widened slightly as if this idea thrilled him.

Without warning Maria pulled her son into a desperate embrace. "Joey!" She said the tone of her voice bearing not only her frustration but her love for her child. "Joey." She repeated regaining herself but not releasing him from her arms. "Go, go away, go to Crow Town." Maria whispered near Joey's ear, her voice pleading with him to listen to her advice. "Even law men do not go there!" She pushed him roughly from her. "Vayate!"

He turned quickly from her and again continued his path down the road not looking back, placing his gun back in its holster as he walked, unconcerned with what had just come to pass.

Ella came up behind Maria and laid a hand softly on her friend's shoulder. Maria covered Ella's hand with her own as if she badly needed the contact of something kind.

"He is bad, that one, he is bad!" Gordo said heatedly from behind them.

Ella squeezed Maria gently not knowing what to say or do, but knowing that just like Maria and the rest of the village she felt shaken to her core.


	15. Chapter 15

After walking Maria back home and settling her into a chair by a comfortably warm fire Ella made a quick meal for all of them and they sat in silence eating as Maria continued to gaze ahead, unseeing and lost in her own thoughts.

"I do not understand him" she said finally. "I do not understand why he killed that man."

Ella glanced at Teresa who had reached out for her mother's hand, offering solace. Maria patted her daughter's arm tenderly.

"That Texan was out of place Maria" Ella said quietly. "I'm not sayin' he deserved to die, I'm just sayin' I could understand someone havin' enough of his type." She hesitated, "Joey has a temper and that man rubbed him the wrong way."

Maria studied her. "Do not make excuses for my son!" she said, her words heated. "If the hard Sheriff comes and feels like blaming the whole village we will pay, Joey knows this!" She paused, trying to rein her anger back. "I did not ask for his help, the man was leaving, words cannot hurt me: I have been called worse, Joey should not have killed him."

Ella covered her eyes lightly with her hand. "I know," she said, "I just wanted to try and make things seem a bit better is all, I guess there isn't a way to do that is there?"

Maria slowly shook her head.

"Well, I best be goin'." She paused, "Do you mind if I take some food back, he's probably hungry if he's there." She avoided looking at Teresa, knowing that the young girl would not be able to understand why Ella was with her older brother, a brother who often teased and hit her…

"Si, you can take what you like" Maria said, rising from the table.

"Ella?" Teresa's small voice caught Ella's attention as she began to spoon some of the food into a spare bowl, she turned.

"Yeah Tessie?" Ella tried to sound light but her heart felt heavy.

"I miss you being here" the young girl said and Ella felt her heart tug unpleasantly. "Do you really want to be with my brother?" She took in a small breath, "He is bad."

Ella walked quickly over to Teresa and wrapped her arms around her shoulders laying a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I miss you too Honey." She glanced over at Rafael, giving him a warm smile. "But things ain't always as simple as good and bad." She sighed and patted her absently on her upper arm before resuming her task.

---

Ella entered the old shack and bolted the door behind her before placing the food on the table. She paused, listening for a moment to the noise coming from the room behind the curtain. She walked over with slow, uneasy steps, unknowing as to what mood she would find him in and fully aware it was best to handle the situation with some care. She moved aside the curtain and slipped under it. Joey was bent over a large leather saddle bag packing away various items of clothing and personal items.

"I brought you some food," Ella said calmly, "thought you might be hungry."

Joey did not pause or even acknowledge he had heard her. She shifted, feeling uncomfortable with his silence as it seemed to close in around her like a foreboding shadow.

"I took your Ma home…" Her words drifted to a whisper as he continued to act like she wasn't in the room. Ella narrowed her eyes in annoyance. "You shouldn't have killed him Joey."

This statement fully caught Joey's attention and he turned. His face was a smooth, calm mask but his eyes blazed with fiery frustration and anger.

"Do not tell me what I should do" he said darkly. "That gringo was here to cause trouble." He paused, his eyes catching hers, "You said so yourself."

"Don't you even dare to try and put any of this on me!" Ella said trying to rein in the tone of her voice. "You killed him because he insulted your Ma; I understand you were mad but…"

Joey rushed forward before she could finish and grabbed her arm, pushing her harshly against the wall his eyes now holding a dangerous warning. "I did not kill him for _her_" he hissed through bubbling anger.

Ella studied him, trying to control the frightened beating of her heart at his sudden movement and the coldness in his eyes.

"Then why did you?" Her voice wavered as she asked the question.

"Because he was just like all her other men." He paused, releasing his grip on her. "I hate them all" he stated, as if this was all that needed to be said on the matter. He turned from her and returned to packing the bag.

Ella bit back the words that wanted to fall from the tip of her tongue, telling him that the man had not been any of the men from his past, that he had been about to leave and Joey had had no right to shoot him down in cold blood. She forced the lecture back, knowing that it would do no good and would only enrage him further. What was done was done and Ella knew better than most that the past could not be undone, what mattered now was that happened next…

"Are you leavin'?" she asked, her mind fully focusing upon his task.

He paused a moment, his face registering a small hint of impatience at her questioning.

"Yes," he said simply, "Call will be here in a few weeks."

Ella's eyes widened slightly, "How do you know?"

"I listen" he said with a shrug, as if the question had been stupid.

"Where will you go?" Ella asked, trying hard to stop the panic that threatened to engulf her at the prospect he was really leaving.

"I do not know yet," he said calmly, "away from here, I am tired of this village."

They both fell silent and Ella continued to watch him packing his life – their life – away in that accursed leather bag.

"Will you come back?" she finally asked, her voice no more than a small whisper.

"Perhaps."

The silence once again descended over their conversation and Ella could think of no more to say, she eyed him for a moment longer before returning to the other room and fetching the bowl. She returned and placed it down with a small wooden spoon on the chair near where he worked. She gave him one last glance before leaving him fully alone to his task. Ella opened the door and left the house; she knew she was strong enough to withstand many hardships and had survived numerous hard times in her young life but seeing this man walk out of it was not something she wished to witness.

---

The sun was still high in the sky; Ella guessed it was not yet past five o'clock. She wandered aimlessly, the village seemed to still be in panic and confusion over the day's events, many people stood huddled together speaking animatedly and knowingly. Their looks were not friendly if they caught sight of her, she supposed they considered her to be part of the problem if she freely choose to spend time with someone such as Joey Garza.

She tried to ignore it as best she could, just as she tried to ignore the dull thudding ache that had begun to make its presence known in her chest. She had had disappointment before; she'd been left by men before. This would not be a new occurrence and yet she could not fully grasp why, but it did feel different this time, almost as if everything was slowly slipping away, her hands grasping fruitlessly, trying to onto hold running water.

The wind gave a sharp blow, sending a cloud of grit into her eyes and she closed them tightly shut, protecting her eyes until the gust had passed. When she again reopened them she saw Maria standing near the small path that lead up to her house. Ella suddenly felt great relief at the sight of her and seeing Maria smile in her direction Ella began to walk over, realizing that she had a good excuse to talk to her.

Maria gave her a small nod of greeting. "Was Joey there?"

Ella looked back the way she had just come. "Yeah he is, he's leaving."

"Leaving?" Maria said, "Why now?" Her brow furrowed, "I did not think he would listen to me."

Ella gave a small shrug. "He says Call will be here in a few weeks."

Maria gave a small nod, "I see." She paused, "At least he is finally leaving." Her tone was relieved but her expression remained stony.

Ella avoided her gaze and looked back towards Maria's house. "Yeah, I guess so" she said, trying to sound casual but the young girl's forlorn look did not pass Maria by, still she remained silent for what seemed a long time.

"It is for the best" Maria said finally said. "I…" Her words dried upon her tongue, drawing Ella's eyes to what had caught her attention. Joey was walking towards them with his usual steady, determined stride. The two women stood lost for words and moved quickly aside as he walked casually past them as if they were not in his path at all.

He went to his horse and began to make ready for his departure, fitting the saddle and securing his bags, rifle and blankets. Without even glancing in their direction he put his foot into a stirrup and swung himself gracefully into his seat. Gathering the reins he pulled the horse to the right, turning the animal around and pushed gently into its sides. Slowly he again came level to where they both stood, his horse walked forward a few paces before he came to a stop. He guided the horse once again until the animal's side was facing them. Ella waited, half cursing herself for coming this way now she would have to watch him ride away, she glanced at Maria and her thoughts softened, at least she was not completely alone yet…

Joey did not deem either of them worthy of a look but with a nonchalant manner he bent in the saddle and stretched out his arm offering his hand. Ella stared at it, her brow furrowing, before her eyes flicked to him. Slowly he turned to her, his blue eyes coolly telling her he would not wait long for her answer to his unspoken question.

Ella hesitated, her mind whirring with confusion and uncertainty.

"No!" Maria said before Ella could do anything, stepping in front of Joey and herself. "She cannot go with you."

Joey closed his eyes slowly, his eyes rolling a little as he tried to contain his anger. "Step aside Mama" he said with an air of dangerous threat.

Maria turned to face Ella. "Do not go," she said bluntly, "you will be welcome back in my home once he is gone, do not leave with him" she said in a hissed, warning whisper.

Ella's gaze flicked between the two people before her. She looked back at her friend feeling her heart tear a little at the new betrayal she was about to cause her.

"I'm sorry" she said in a small voice, and with head bowed she walked around Maria's barrier and looked up at Joey who wore a scant smirk. She slid her hand into his, feeling the soft warmth of his palm. Joey slipped one of his feet out of a stirrup and Ella placed her own foot into it. With a clumsy swing she pulled herself up behind him and wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. She gave a last glance to Maria as Joey kicked the horse gently and they began to move down the path at a trot. Maria threw her hands up in defeat, her expression saying that she had lost more than her son on this day.

---

They rode for many hours and Ella found that she was more than happy she had her shawl with her; she wrapped it over her head creating a head scarf to shield her from the sun's hot rays. Joey remained silent and Ella found she had nothing to say. Her mind raced as she tried to understand her thoughts, she had always been a woman that followed her gut but for once in her life she thought it was plainly not her gut that had landed her in this position. The village may not have been the greatest place to live, especially since the mood had turned dark against her but surely it was better than sitting behind a man she didn't even know cared about her, following him to the lord knew what ends… The whole situation just felt like a big pile of trouble and they hadn't even reached their destination.

It was only after they had been riding for over an hour that it hit Ella hard she had no clothing, no packed belongings carefully stowed like Joey. She did not know what she would do when she needed to wash her current clothes or have any other luxuries that she would be in dire need of along the way. Her regrets deepened and her remorse tugged sharply at her as she tried to ignore it, trying instead to concentrate on the rhythm of the horse's movements, the feel of Joey's small adjustments to the reins as he guided them onwards.

Finally the hot day and thinking in circles made Ella's eyes begin to close as a slow drowsiness took over her. She gently rested her head against Joey's back, feeling the steady breaths he took, the rustle of material as he shifted position in the saddle and she let herself doze a little, knowing that when they stopped to make camp her questions and fears would have to be addressed and she found she already dreaded it. But right now in this small moment huddled against him in the stillness of the plains she could pretend that she was contented.

---

**Bit of a quick update :)**

**Hope you enjoyed!**


	16. Chapter 16

As the sun began to fade, casting the sky around them into wisps of reds and purples, Joey slowed their pace and scanned their surroundings for a place they could make camp. It did not take him long to locate an appropriate place and he guided them easily to the spot. Ella slid down and stretched, letting her tired muscles have the movement they had craved for the past hour or so. When she turned, Joey pushed the horse's reins roughly into her hands. He began searching for wood to make a fire and before long they had a good campfire burning. They ate a small meager meal before Joey fetched two blankets from his horse and threw one towards her. Ella was not unused to sleeping out in the plains; she had done it many times in her youth and many more times with Dave on their journey to Mexico. She knew to expect a harsh cold night, but still the thought of this was not as chilling to her bones as Joey's current stubborn silence.

"Are you just going to treat me like I ain't here?" she finally asked in a small voice, the hurt clear in her tone.

"I know you are here" Joey said tersely, "I wanted you to come."

He began to pull off his boots, putting them down just beside where he was going to sleep.

"Why? Why did you want me to come?" She began to follow suit, unlacing her own boots. "You hardly said one word to me all the way here."

Joey glanced at her, "I was thinking" he said simply.

"About what?"

"Where I would go, I have decided" Joey said, lying back and covering himself. Ella pulled her own blanket closer to him knowing that sharing body heat would be more than welcome to both of them.

"Where?" she asked after he did not offer anything more.

"Crow Town." He rolled onto his side so he was facing away from her.

Ella's mouth turned in disgust, she guessed that in theory that was the best place for him to go, but she had no desire to go there. The filthy little place was known as a haven for cut-throats, robbers, killers and thieves, even lawmen hesitated about entering that tainted town. She lay down and pulled the cover over herself and glanced at him.

"Wish you'd told me that before I agreed to come" she mumbled.

"You are scared" he declared, his voice tinted with sleep. "You should not be, you will be with me." He gave a low sigh, signaling that he wished to sleep.

Ella took in a deep breath, she supposed he was right, she would not have anything to fear - not from the inhabitants of Crow Town at the very least but everything else was another matter.

"I didn't get anythin', I have nothin'." she said, chancing the words and hoping he would not flare into anger.

He sighed again. "I will buy you more when we get there" he said simply, pulling the blanket over his head, the action signaling that talking was now over.

Ella rolled onto her side and studied his back, finally after she felt sure his breathing had become shallow she shifted closer and hugged herself close, trying to stave off the cold shivers that were already clinging at her muscles.

---

Ella lost all track of time for how long they had ridden. Joey had awoken her before dawn that morning, they had been packed up and ready to leave before the first pink light began to make itself known in the sky. After shaking out there boots and eating a small meal comprising mainly of bread and water, Joey had pulled on a poncho to shield himself from the sun and wind before mounting his horse, Ella had to make do with one of the blankets she had slept under the night before. The task of holding it tightly around her became difficult as the hours of riding passed and her fingers stiffened from being forced into the same position for too long a time.

They had only paused once to rest and eat during their travelling at around mid-day, Ella could only reckon about time but she thought that now it was well past six o'clock in the evening, perhaps later, but the sun was still strong and made any accurate guessing impossible. She dozed quietly as they rode across the arid plain, her only wish, gradually growing in need as the hours passed, was that they would reach their destination soon. Even if it was Crow Town, somewhere to rest and be still for a while would help her regain her strength and will. She was slowly becoming aware how her muscles had begun to feel as if they were made of porridge and could not continue to support her for much longer.

She felt the horse begin to ascend a steep embankment and straightened her posture, looking around them and becoming full awake. Once at the top she looked down upon the scene that stretched out before them, Crow Town was spread in front of her eyes, Ella felt her gut recoil at the sight. The town was made up of shacks, crumbling adobes and pathetic stick houses, each one worse looking than her little house back in the village of Ojinaga. She quickly became fully aware as to how the place had gained its name, circling above them were black shapes, crows, and it was easy to see what attracted them. Dead animal carcasses littered the edge of the pathway through the town, a few of the black birds were perched on rib cages or skulls, picking at what rotten tidbits still lurked in hidden crevices.

Joey nudged the horse onwards and they began to descend into the accursed place. The smell instantly hit Ella, making her reel a little from the sudden shock of rotting flesh, sewage and dust. She wrinkled her nose trying to take small breaths through her mouth to limit the impact. Joey did not seem concerned with either the look or the smell of the place his face was calm and unconcerned.

Ella tried to focus her attention upon her surroundings, although the sights were not much better than the stink. An old Indian woman sat outside a stick hut, her look haggard, dirty and a little crazed, she muttered to herself as she stirred a large pot before her. Both Joey and Ella's attention was caught as a door banged to their right, a young woman was exiting a crude outhouse, pulling her skirts about her as she watched them. Ella tried to hide the revulsion she felt that the woman would even deem to come out in such an undressed state. She was sour faced and glared at them both before sending a gap toothed smile towards Joey; Ella instinctively tightened her grip around his waist.

Ella's attention was caught again by another movement to their left, a huge brown pig, bigger than any she had ever laid eyes on looked at them both with beady little eyes. The monstrous thing had been busy eating something upon a small hill and Ella suddenly felt glad she couldn't see what it feasted upon. Joey gave a casual glance to it before riding onwards.

They came to a stop beside a small cantina, the place was dilapidated and empty whiskey bottles were piled haphazardly outside. Ella slid down reluctantly, wishing harshly that they had just been riding through this place. Joey dismounted with ease and wrapped the horse's reins around a post, he gave her a glance before walking up to the battered cantina door and pushing it open, leaking sunlight into the dingy room inside. Ella followed him closely making sure she was mostly hidden from view, she highly doubted any men inside would be hospitable, or that many women inhabited this town, she did not want to draw any unwanted attention to herself.

She peered over his shoulder meekly to the small one roomed bar. Three well worn tables sat upon the dirt floor, a bar, pock marked and bullet ridden, stood on the far side, empty bottles stacked in a neat pile upon it. Three men sat at one table, the rest were empty.

A scruffy, balding man with spectacles was holding a hand of cards closely to his chest; he started at Joey's sudden entrance pressing the cards flat against his chest as if he were scared someone would discovcer his hand. Ella noticed that he rested one of his feet upon a chair, it was heavily bandaged but still blood soaked the dirty cloth. A rough, broad man with a large belly and a bushy dark mustache looked at them with curiosity. Lastly, sat between both, was a tall, lean man with sharp, birdish, mean features. He looked to be in his forties, was scarred, unshaven, but still had a magnetic quality to his demeanor. There was something about him that caught Ella's attention, some long distant forgotten memory, repressed by force, she searched her thoughts…

All three men stared at Joey who had obviously just interrupted their card game and drinking.

"Are there any empty houses in this town?" Joey asked coolly, their presence not ruffling him in the slightest.

The man with the mustache got up from his place and went to the bar. "No," he said with contempt, "who are you?"

"I am Joey Garza" he said simply, his tone stating without a hint of ego that they should already know this name.

Indeed they did appear to know the name as all three pairs of eyes descended upon him in interest, the silence lasted a moment before the lean man spoke, his eyes dancing as he studied the young man before him.

"The way to get domicile in this town, all ya gotta do is find a house you like…" he lazily fingered the cigar in his hand. "Kill whoever's in it and drag the victim up on the sand hill an' the devil pig'll do the rest." He placed the cigar in his mouth and puffed, creating a cloud of smoke.

Joey glanced over the man, a slight grimace touching lips. "What makes it a devil pig?" he asked calmly, "It only looks like a pig to me."

"It ain't just a pig, it's our town mascot. It has a tunnel to hell. It goes to see the devil every nigh…" The man with the bandage foot began but Joey had quickly tired of the conversation.

"Excuse me Senores" he said, closing the door behind him.

He turned to Ella. "Fetch the horse" he instructed her. Ella didn't hesitate; the prospect of staying a moment longer outside the cantina was not appealing. Joey mounted his horse and Ella walked behind. He pushed the horse forward, his eyes studying each place they passed, searching for something that would meet his standards. Finally he decided upon somewhere that seemed to gain his approval.

They travelled up to an adobe that already had a horse tethered outside; Ella quickly tethered their own beside it and glanced at Joey, her expression silently asking what they were doing. This place was already occupied, it would be unwise to meddle with anyone from Crow Town, it was only asking for trouble, who knew what kind of man lay within. A ghost of a smile touched Joey's lips as if her uncertainty and fear amused him; before he turned and with a violent movement, kicked open the door. The flimsily thing gave easily to the pressure and flapped back on its hinges with a loud bang. At the sound Ella heard noises of surprise, women's voices. She followed closely behind as he strode confidently inside, as if he already owned the place.

A drunken man was lying in bed with two plump, young Mexican whores, his mouth hung agape at being disturbed so bluntly.

"What the hell…" the man managed to blurt, his look threatening.

Joey gave him a cold look and indicated with a casual glance towards the open door that the man should leave. His gaze was almost lazy but so full of confidence that Ella found she shivered slightly in the aftermath of it. The two men stared at each other, the drunken man's face twisting in anger at this young boy daring to barge into his home and tell him to leave. Joey's expression clearly stated he knew the man's thoughts all too well, that he was thinking of fighting… Joey closed his eyes slowly, his own anger flashing through their blue depth as he reached down and cocked the gun in his holster. At the sound the man's annoyance seemed to melt away as if he had sensed something in the young man before him that he was not willing to face. He placed the bottle of whiskey he had been holding down upon a table and with his eyes never leaving Joey's form, he climbed out of the bed and gathered his clothing into his arms. Picking up his bottle, he edged timidly passed Joey and fled.

Joey casually kicked the door closed behind him and walked through the house ignoring the two women huddled together in the bed, their eyes stating how scared and unsure they were of the new owner. He walked up to a wooden beaded curtain and roughly pulled it back revealing an older white woman stood behind it. She flinched at his presence but quickly scurried out of his path, knowing it was better to stay out of most men's way. Joey gave a brief turn towards Ella and indicated with a lazy hand gesture that she was to follow him. Ella glanced at the three women, feeling uncomfortable in their presence, before hurrying after him; but then this whole town made her feel uneasy. She drew the curtain behind her and studied the small light room they had entered, the walls were made of sticks and let in a fair amount of sunlight, but it was at the back of the house, away from prying eyes at least. It had a good sized wooden bed, a wash basin with an attached mirror and a wooden table pushed against the wall. Ella did not move from the curtain, letting her eyes take in the place that she would now have to call home, at least for a while, as Joey laid his rifle down upon the table.

"I guess we got a new landlord" Ella heard one of the girls in the other room say.

"He's better looking than the old one."

"That don't mean he'll be any easier to live with."

Ella gave out a low sigh and tried to convince herself things were not as bad as they seemed.

---

Ella had not realized just how exhausted she was from the long ride. She stripped out of her dusty outer clothes and after giving the blankets they had brought with them a shake, replaced some of the less than clean sheets upon the bed before lying down and pulling the covers up to her chin, glad of the rest and comfort of a mattress beneath her. Joey did not take long to join her and they both fell into a light but restful sleep. When Ella again awoke it was dark and the air about them was chill, she pulled the cover further over herself and huddled closer to Joey's warm body. But no matter how she tried to fall back into slumber it would not come and take her. She looked out through the cracks in the room, the clear night sky visible with the stars twinkling like small jewels.

Her thoughts again returned to the unpleasant subject of what would become of her in this place she did not even wish to be in. What had possessed her to follow Joey; his cold demeanor to her had felt all the more chilling now they were alone, as she was left to rely solely on him for everything in this dangerous town…

The regrets came hard and fast and she bitterly pitied herself for allowing any of it to get this far.


	17. Chapter 17

The dawn seemed to take an almost unbearable amount of time to finally come and Ella could feel her body begin to cramp with the boredom of lying in the bed doing nothing. Her eyes felt tired from the many hours spent awake, her thoughts racing but the rest of her did not feel tired, she felt she would feel better if she could just get up and move around but Joey still slept soundly beside her and she was in no mood to deal with his annoyance at being woken up. So she continued to lie there as contentedly as she could manage, trying hard to control the urge to flip back the covers and get to her feet.

Finally she heard him give a loud sigh signaling that he was finally awake and she felt a small flood of relief ease her tense muscles. She rolled slowly over to face him, his eyes were still closed but at the feeling of her presence he opened them lazily and focused upon her. She chanced a small smile and he blinked hard, dispelling the sleep he still felt, his deep blue gaze betraying his already awakened lust.

With a gentle hand he reached out and stroked her chin tenderly, letting his fingertips trace the outline of her bottom lip. His cool eyes were soft as they studied her features. His palm finally came to a rest, cupping her cheek. Ella placed her own hand over his, the warmth of his skin against her own easing the chilly feeling she had felt the night before, making all about her seem safe and forgiving. She brought his fingers to her lips kissing each pad with feathered kisses.

Joey closed his eyes briefly at the sensation, his mouth opening slightly as the waves of desire began to lap teasingly at him. Ella abandoned his fingers and moved forward, her own lips meeting his forcefully and passionately, her arms enclosing him in an urgent embrace as she pulled him to her. At the contact Ella's worries and regrets seemed to melt away completely as his tongue burned against her own sending small shivers through her body and making her feel as if she were lost completely in a delicious darkness that she had no thought of escaping from. As his hands brushed against her exposed skin, intensifying the shivers and sending jolts of pleasure to the places that longed to feel the warmth of his hands and the teasing of his fingers, she let a small groan escape her, breathing her own breath into him. His lips continued to work heatedly upon her in soft, wet kisses, halting only briefly as he caught his own breath from the intense passion that had engulfed them both in this moment. The emotions that were already building within her mind came with an unburdened contentedness that fully reminded her why she wanted to be with him, why she couldn't leave… why she loved him…

She found that the powerful craving and want built harshly within her body until she throbbed with longing and need. She took his hand in her own and pushed it between her legs, unable to wait a moment longer to feel him touching her. His fingers did not tarry but worked skillfully, moving between folds to the pleasures beneath and Ella clutched desperately at his back as the sensation washed over her, building in momentum, she broke their kiss apart with a loud gasp. She closed her eyes, focusing upon the feelings he was bringing forth from deep within her as he teased her in certain circles. Slowly his fingers moved further and slipped deeply inside, she moaned lowly and bucked slightly at the overpowering pleasure, biting her lips, trying to contain the welling tingling that spread without remorse through her body, bursting finally from her lips in a ragged gasp. Her body shook as Joey removed his fingers and positioned himself on top of her, with a single impassioned stroke he entered her fully, his eyes tightly closed as she opened herself without shame to him, letting him take all of her mind and body.

They moved as one with feather light kisses and sharp intakes of breath mingling with low whispers of his name spilling from her lips The smell of desire and sweat merging in sweetness until finally they both became still… satisfied and lost for breath, tangled within each other.

Joey's body trembled, his form shaking beneath her comforting embrace and she held him close, determined for a short while not to let go of what they had just shared or the certainty and clarity it had seemed to bring her.

Finally he regained himself and rolled off her, pausing only long enough to brush back his now disheveled hair. Ella pulled the covers over herself and sat up as he got out of bed and walked over to the washing bowl, pouring fresh water into it from a pitcher. He took a cloth and quickly cleaned himself as best he could before setting about getting dressed.

Ella began to feel that all too familiar sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach as his cool demeanor came so easily back to him, the man that had touched her, wanted her… perhaps even loved her was gone within that blissful moment and the cool killer took his place once more. She watched as he fastened his belt at his waist, her thoughts wondering if he even cared for her a little, if he ever really felt anything…. She closed her eyes as a shudder left over from their love making shook her body in a beautiful tremor and when she was again able to focus her gaze upon him she knew that despite it all she did love him. She doubted anything he could do would ever change that in this moment, and although it pained her pride and mind to the point of self loathing she knew she would continue to follow him until her body gave out and she took her last breath. The thought left her in a dark place, a hole she could never crawl out of but still she could not stop herself...

---

Joey ordered one of the women in the other room to make them breakfast and soon a small meal of beans and corn bread was brought to the table, awaiting them. Ella washed herself as Joey had done, the small gesture making her feel so much better. She asked one of the women to beat out her skirt and blouse and when they were brought back to her they were free of dust and well aired.

She sat down with Joey in the adobe as the three women looked on in apprehension as if waiting to see what their new landlord was like, but bar asking them for food Joey did not disturb them and they slowly began to relax and talk quietly. Ella knew that they were whores and she thought at any other moment in her life she would not be so pleased that her man wanted to stay in the same house as three soiled doves, but with Joey it was different she knew he had no interest in them; he hardly showed interest in her but still she did not feel threatened and instead felt pity for the women. It appeared they were used to mistreatment and Ella felt she could at least try and ensure they could eat and have a good amount of freedom while they stayed here; she wished harshly someone would have done that in the bitter months before she had met Jane Greathouse…

At the thought her memories, memories she did not like to dwell upon, came flooding back, stinging her with their unpleasantness. She had only barely been sixteen when she had first taken up as a soiled dove, she'd been nicknamed 'Little Diamond Stella' due to her small height and bright personality that the punters said made her sparkle. That sparkle hadn't lasted long, not once she went against her pimp, Johnny. His wrath had been swift and Ella had quickly learnt that although many men were kind and treated her well there were those out there that just wanted to hurt, to break her… She'd been beaten so many times that she couldn't even recall a near number; one man had even broken two of her fingers in his struggles to still her attempts to stop his violent outburst. She'd been raped more times than she cared to remember too, at first she had cried, felt dirty and lost, but a few extra dollars sent Johnny Duke's way always made him turn a blind eye and the same men would be allowed back. She quickly grew to know the men that enjoyed taking her against her will and feigned struggles to give them what they wished without them having to resort to hurting her… at least this way she was in control to a certain extent and being made to lay with men whether she wanted to or not just became part of the job… It had all been different at Jane's of course, Jane had been through something similar to Ella and she treated all her girls with respect and her customers with soft warnings that could quickly turn into a standoff at gun point if they refused her rules. Jane was a good woman…

"Ain't it any good?"

The voice startled Ella from her thoughts and she looked up at the woman who had spoken.

"What?"

"The food, you ain't touched a bite" the older white woman said in a whisper, her voice still holding unsureness to its tone.

Ella glanced down at her food realizing that she still held her spoon in mid air, the bowl of beans was untouched.

"Oh no, it's fine" Ella reassured with a soft smile as Joey scraped his bowl clean and began upon his bread. "What's all your names?" Ella continued, wanting to put them at ease.

The older woman hesitated, "I'm Beulah." She glanced back at the two younger women and gestured to the larger of the two. "This is Marieta and…" she shifted her hand to the youngest looking of the three, "this is Gabriela."

"Nice to meet you" Ella said, feeling a little strange passing pleasantries with them in this strange situation. "I'm Ella and this is Joey." She gestured to the man sitting opposite her who glanced up chewing his food, his eyes closed slowly as if the talk bored and annoyed him within the same breath.

"You do not need to talk to whores" he said, his voice and attitude unemotional.

Ella cast a dark look at him, she knew he didn't know about her past, would rather he never knew, but still his reaction to these women riled her. She would bet money that just like her; these women hadn't had much of a choice in their profession. "We are in their home" she hissed.

"No." He tossed the bread on the table having had his fill and glared at her with cold blue eyes. "It is my home now."

Ella's lips tightened as she tried to control her displeasure at his words, but she knew now was not the time to get into any quarrels.

"I will go over to the saloon tomorrow" he declared after taking a large swig from the coffee mug. "You can come."

It was not really a suggestion it was a command and Ella saw it clearly for what it was, she gave a small nod, feeling it may do her good to get better acquainted with the small town.

He glanced at her as he drained his mug and then his gaze shifted to the three women. "You will wash our clothes today" he declared and placing the mug back on the table he got up from his seat and caught Ella around her upper arm. It didn't seem to bother him that she had not finished her meal or coffee, he had other things upon his mind that were more important than if she ate well or not in this moment.

Without pausing he led her back into the light bedroom and began to strip her out of her clothing, his hands none to gentle in their task. When she stood naked and had crawled underneath the covers to hide herself he set to work on his own clothing and then tossed the large pile out to the women.

Ella studied him for a moment, that small tug of regret making itself known at his callous almost uncaring actions, but again it began to become nothing but a bitter memory as he reached out and ran a hand over her bare shoulder, his lips soon joined his caress following the path they had created and she shivered as the ache for his touch swallowed her whole.

---

The next day dawned brighter and with better feeling for Ella, she lay content in Joey's arms as he slumbered leisurely beside her. She had never imagined being with a man both intimately and emotionally could be so wonderful and so terrible all within the same moment.

He shifted, signaling that he was fully awake and Ella let out a small yawn before pushing herself into a sitting position and then getting to her feet. She walked to the basin and splashed cool water upon her face waking herself fully with the small shock before wrapping her bare body in a spare blanket.

Joey ran his fingers through his hair before he propped himself up on his elbows. "Go and see if they have finished the laundry" he said in a low voice, "I want to go to the saloon after I eat."

Ella's mouth tightened at the blatant order but still she gave a small nod before pushing the curtain aside and entering the dingy room beyond. She gave another small yawn before turning to the three women who were huddled together by the bed.

"Joey wants you to bring through the laundry" she said, trying to suppress another yawn. Without waiting for them to reply she walked back into the bedroom and got under the covers of the now empty bed preventing the shivers that threatened her body in the coldness of the sheltered house. Joey had tied a strip of old bedding around his middle and was washing his face with a wash rag.

The three women soon appeared at the door, the two younger women held out the clothing. Joey turned and strode up to them, throwing Ella's clothes to her without a backward glance. He took his own shirt and shook it before holding it up in the bright sun light.

Beulah stood apprehensively behind the younger women, her look telling Ella she knew something was wrong.

Joey's brows knitted together as he brought the material closer, studying it intently. With a cool glance over the women before him he roughly pushed the shirt back into one of their grasps.

"This shirt is dirty" he claimed his voice verging upon vexation. "Wash it again."

Beulah glanced at both the women that were now backing up into the dim room. "They ain't trained to be laundresses, you know" she said in a soft whisper.

Joey cast a cruel eye over her. "They better learn. My mother can do my clothes much better." He said this with such contempt as to indicate that if his own mother could do it they should find no hard task in the chore.

Ella glared up at him, his tone over Maria and the way he talked to these women was beginning to grate irritatingly upon her nerves. "Least you ma did your laundry" she mumbled.

"No," Joey said, dismissing her words, "she's a whore too... but she can clean my clothes. It should be easy for them to do."

Ella scowled at him as he walked over to the mirror and began to comb out his hair. He then rummaged in a leather saddle bag and pulled out a spare shirt and pair of trousers. Beulah took her cue to leave and left them alone.

"You shouldn't speak ill of you Ma" Ella said sulkily, knowing that he would not listen.

Once he had finished dressing, he turned back to the mirror and preened a moment pushing his hair behind his ears; Ella looked towards the curtain noticing that Beulah had again appeared. Joey gave her a sideways glance, his expression telling her to say what she wanted quickly.

"Joey?" Her voice was nervous, asking within that one word if he minded her using his name so freely.

He turned away from the mirror his cold eyes fully upon her.

"You got to be careful around John Wesley Hardin." She paused, her eyes shifting to Ella. "He's probably over at the saloon now, drinkin' with Redfoot." Her gaze again flicked to Joey. "He's killed over fifty men, they say. You need to be careful… he's got a temper." She again looked at Ella, her agitation heightened under those deadly blue eyes. "Best you don't take the lady with you."

Ella couldn't help a smile touch her lips at being referred to as a 'lady'.

"He's likely to try and take her for himself."

Ella glanced at Joey, waiting for his reaction to this news. He let out a long suffering sigh and closed his eyes slowly in that familiar way that Ella knew meant he was holding his temper back.

"This man does not concern me and he will not take what is already mine" he said quietly turning his attention back to the mirror.

Ella couldn't stop the little extra beat her heart gave at his words.


	18. Chapter 18

Once Ella had dressed and pulled her hair into a loose ponytail at the base of her neck, Joey casually slung his rifle over his shoulder and they headed out of the abode, passing the two young women already re-washing Joey's shirt, and made for the saloon. Ella softly caught Joey's arm and he turned briefly to her his stride not faltering.

"What if Beulah's right and this John Wesley Hardin is crazy Joey?"

"I already said I do not care, the old man is no match for me." His tone was simple as if she was asking a question that everyone should already know the answer to.

"Just be careful." She half whispered under her breath.

Joey pushed open the door and walked inside with an air of ease about him. The three men sat at a table looked up from their talk and glasses to see who had entered. Realizing who it was their conversation began to return to a trickle. Joey picked a table near the door, close by the only small window that was covered with a large dirty rag. Ella followed him apprehensively already feeling the men's eyes upon her.

They took their seats, Ella making sure to push her own chair a little closer to Joey as Joey gave the bartender a small nod stating that he wished for a bottle and some cups. After handing over payment the man brought over what had been silently asked for and returned to his seat. Joey took off his hat and gloves and lay them carefully upon the table before he pulled the top off the bottle and poured himself a drink then filled Ella's cup. He began to sip stoically at the liquid his expression seemingly uninterested in his surroundings but Ella could see the fierce alertness within his icy eyes signaling that he was weighing everything around him, calculating every outcome and danger.

"I seen Ben Lily yesterday. He sold me an antelope haunch." The bar man said making Ella jump slightly with the sudden noise after the fetid silence.

Ella glanced up and saw he was addressing the thin man, from his cool presence and the authority that seemed to drip from every pore of his dirt streaked face she quickly came to the assumption that this was John Wesley Hardin, she couldn't shake the feeling she knew that face, perhaps she had seen his picture in one of Billy's newspapers.

"Ben Lily still around?" Hardin drawled

"Yeah, he's still around."

"He sold you an antelope haunch, why ain't you cooked it?" Hardin said looking up from the task of cleaning his gun.

"I don't cook. Beulah cooks, but she ain't been around lately." The bar men said with a sniff looking with annoyance towards Joey, he continued sorting through a few of the empty bottles, shaking them to see if anything could be salvaged from the very bottoms.

Hardin glanced over at Joey, his eyes racked across the young boy, sizing him up. "That's because she bunks with the young killer here. He's been around two days, and he's already corralled half the whores." He said continuing his chore.

Joey glanced back at the older man as he took another sip, his gaze not leaving Hardin as he drank. Hardin gave a snort of a laugh as if commending the boy's bravado before he turned his wild eyes upon Ella. Ella could feel herself squirming under his look, there was something about him that made her feel uneasy… strange. She glanced at him warily as his eyes seemed to burn into her he stared so hard. She began to get a trickle of remembrance but pushed it back, she blocked so many things from her past over the years she did not want to open the flood gates now and allow it all to come pouring through, she didn't think she was strong enough to handle such a thing in her current position.

"Don't see why he needs whores when he's brought such a pretty one of his own."

The corner of Joey's eye twitched.

"Tell me Sweetheart." Hardin said leaning forward across his table, his gaze intently upon her. "You ain't no Mexican, wouldn't you rather be with a real man?" He gave a hoarse laugh and Ella noticed Joey closed his eyes for a split second quelling his anger, she knew what his mind was thinking, the insult was not worth getting into a blood bath over, not now…

Hardin sat back in his chair his tongue flicking out briefly to wet his lips.

"You look familiar." He said in a lazy drawl. "My, my girl that you do." Ella knew he was playing with her, he knew her alright she felt sure of it.

Ella glanced at him nervously, her eyes racking over his face trying to remember if she had indeed seen him before, a name flashed into her head….

"Ah." He said casually. "You're tryin' to remember." He lit a cigar and puffed on it a moment. "That ain't a good sign." He laughed lowly and Ella shifted her eyes from him, still fully feeling his gaze upon her. Her heart beating a little faster, she knew he had been one of her customer's…. she knew him all too well like a lump of stone weighing itself down upon her, Wes, she knew him, her mouth went dry. He would give away her secret, Joey would know about her past, she glanced at the young man beside her and felt her heart beat even faster knowing he would be angry…

"Ah now it comes back to me, in Texas I…"

The door burst open stopping Hardin's flow of words and Ella closed her eyes in relief. A large, fat man with a scruffy beard, blackened face and a sledge hammer stormed in, his look thunderous.

"Hardin, it's costin' me fifty cents to have a grave dug for that helper boy of mine. Now you shot him. The least you could do is chip in the fifty cents." He flipped his hammer in anger, his manner threatening.

Hardin didn't even bother to look up his eyes now once again intent upon his gun. "Why waste money buryin' a negra?" He said in a low voice.

"We all gotta be buried!" The scruffy man said in clear contempt.

Hardin didn't answer almost acting as if the man had already left.

"Hardin! That boy cost me fifty dollars! That's fifty dollars for the boy and fifty cents for the grave. You owe me fifty dollars and fifty cents." The man continued flipping his hammer a few more times obviously feeling this action gave him some air of power.

Hardin finally looked at him his eyes hard and dangerous. "Don't stand there talkin' nonsense to me Lordy, when I'm workin' hard at gettin' drunk." He warned putting down his gun and picking up his drink. "Just drag your man off behind a sandhill. That big pig will eat him, and save you fifty cents." He downed the liquid in one go.

"I want my money!"

Hardin took in a hiss of a breath as the whiskey caught the back of his throat. "Anyway, you're a fool if you paid cash for him, It ain't even legal to buy negra's anymore." He picked up his gun again and rolled the chambers. "Abe Lincoln seen to that." He gave a sly smile towards the other two men with him and they in turn let out a chuckle.

"You owe me!" Lordy said continuing to flip his hammer. "You give it over an' you give it over now!"

Ella noticed Hardin's face twitch a little, his eyes taking on a crazy snap. "You ignorant sunvabitch I heard you!" He said his voice rising slightly the anger appearing hard and cold behind his eyes. "Now if you wanna live get gone, if you'd rather die flip that goddamn hammer one more time."

The two men stared at each other; the bearded man hesitated, his hammer coming to a stop in his hand as he considered his options.

"I doubt you're the killer that you claim to be Hardin." He said as if testing the water.

"I don't claim nothin'!" Hardin said heatedly his anger coming into full play.

Ella glanced at Joey, uncomfortable with the growing tension around them, Joey watched on his look unconcerned.

The two men continued to glare at each other. "I don't claim a goddamn thing." Hardin's voice was low and once again dangerous.

"I'd like to smash your ugly face." Lordy said with a snarl taking a few steps towards the table. "But I guess I'll leave that pleasure to Captain Call." He smiled as if he felt he had just won the battle of words.

For a moment no emotion registered upon Hardin's face.

"Woodrow Call?" He finally asked in a dark voice. "Woodrow Call's comin' to Crow Town." He said as if thinking the words out loud before he laughed and turned to his friends. "That's bold for an old turd his age." He grinned and gave another laugh, the two men joined him in the humor of the moment. He paused before looking back at the bearded man. "He arrested me once, but that was over a feud I got into in Lampasas. Call ain't the sheriff in Crow Town." He said in a matter of fact way

"Well, he's comin, but he but he ain't after you. You ain't important enough no more, Hardin. You're just an old killer, waitin' to die."

The smile slowly slipped from Hardin's lips. "Then why's he comin' then?" He gave another sly smile to his friends. "Does he expect t' clean out the town?"

"No." Lordy said turning towards Joey and indicating to him with his hammer. "He's comin' for the güero here." He paused. "He's comin' for this 'Joey'."

Joey's lips hinted with a fleeting look of pleasure. Hardin's eyes were fully upon him now, studying him again with a kind of resentment flashing behind his eyes.

Lordy turned back on Hardin again his temper flaring. "Now come on Hardin, hand over that money. I ain't got no reason to give you a free helper to kill!" He flipped the hammer absently.

Joey glanced at the bearded man his look stating plainly that he though him a complete fool.

Hardin cocked his gun with a simple flip. "I hate idiots like you." He said calmly before pulling the trigger. The shot rang out through the small room, Ella jumped as Lordy recoiled, falling violently against the wall from the impact, he held his gut as a large red stain began to seep into his shirt, his look was opened mouthed shock as his body slowly slid down the wall.

Joey took in a small breath as if he were tired with the happenings around him, he picked up his cup and drained a little more of the liquid as Ella gazed on in repulsed shock between Hardin and the man he had just shot in cold blood.

"No wait a minute, don't die on me." Hardin said in a dry drawl. "When's Captain Call due to show up?"

Lordy gave out a strange grasp, his face registering the full surprise that he had just been shot, he glanced at his bloody hand looking suddenly sick from the sight of it. "Soon I reckon." He said his voice shaking, he coughed, blood appearing upon his lips. He tried to struggle to his feet before falling back down in a heap.

Hardin poured himself another drink. "Good. Maybe he'll make it in time for your funeral." He said casually. "Don't sit there, go outside and die. Nobody wants you dyin' in here. This is a proper saloon and we have a lady with us." He saluted Ella in a silent toast before downing the liquid.

"Oh, Lord ...it hurts." Lordy said in a gasp.

"I expect so." Hardin gave a raspy laugh. "That's what a 44 slug is meant to do." The other men around them gave out nervous laughter. "Now, I thought I told you not to die in here, you ugly bastard." Hardin said pouring himself another drink.

Lordy was no longer listening, he twitched violently his whole body seizing up, his eyes glazing over until finally he was still, blood coating his chin.

"Well." Hardin began in mock exasperation. "I tried to get the stubborn sunvabitch to go outside, but he wouldn't. You'll have to drag him out, Pat." He said glancing at the barman.

"He's dead, now we're without a blacksmith." Pat said looking over at the dead man.

"Good, I disliked the bastard. Drag him on out now, he'll start stinkin' any minute." Hardin said his voice becoming annoyed.

"You drag him out, you shot him. " Pat said cleaning a cup with a dirty rag.

Hardin closed his eyes, his brow furrowing in temper. "I won't have my mornin' spoilt by havin' to drag off a dead fool." He said simply. When he re-opened his eyes his gaze focused upon Joey. "You drag him outta here boy."

Joey glanced up over his cup as he took another drink, his look icy and defiant, stating all too plainly he would not do anything the older man wished.

"Wes, you need to hold your temper. That was the only blacksmith within a hundred miles." Pat fussed quietly.

"Did you hear me boy!" Hardin said ignoring Pat and focusing his temper upon the young boy before him. "Drag this man outta here!"

Joey placed his cup back upon the table his eyes meeting Hardin's in a silently battle, he pressed his lips together for a moment and said nothing. Ella glanced at them both as the standoff continued, her heart drummed hard within her throat at what the outcome would be.

Hardin was the first to break the contact a small huff of laugher escaping him. "What the hell, is everybody stubborn in this town?" He leaned forward his eyes once again fixed upon Joey. "Why would they send Call after a pup like you?"

Joey lightly shook his head. "They didn't send him after me because of the killings, they sent him after me because gringos don't like losing money." His tone was cool but matter-of-fact.

Hardin gave a small laugh his lips turning up in a crazy grin. "That's right." His voice was almost impressed, he got up from his seat and began to amble casually towards them. "It's the money, not the murders. It don't cost the damn pigs a cent for us to kill one another off out here in the baldies. Why would they care? Out here on the Pecos, it's _fine_ to steal from one another." He pulled out a chair opposite them and turned it around, sitting astride it and resting his arms upon the back. "But we better not rob no trains from the East, where them damn Yankees keep their money." His eyes calmed a little. "How much did you get, güero? I heard it was a million, and I heard it was the army's money." He paused.

Joey lowered his cup, pressing his lips together, his eyes cool.

"Feelin' a little closed mouthed today, are you?" Hardin asked teasingly.

Ella noticed the barman, Pat, looking jittery his eyes saying he did not want two murders happening within his saloon in one day.

"You'd do better to talk to yourself, Wes. My ears get tired, just listenin' to you cuss." He walked out from behind the bar over to where the dead body of Lordy lay.

"Be glad you can hear me, Pat, it means I ain't shot you yet." Hardin said his eyes still upon Joey.

Pat called over the other man and they began the task of trying to lug the huge dead man out of the saloon.

Hardin studied Joey a small hint of a smile appearing upon his lips, lightening his features. "You remind me of myself, when I was younger an' better-lookin'."

Joey did not return the smile or anything else instead he slowly got up from his seat, picked up his rifle, hat and gloves and glanced at Ella, telling her with a single movement of his head that they were leaving.

"Hold on." Hardin said in a low drawl catching Joey's attention. "I'll give you a little free advice killer."

Joey stopped and turned to look at him a hint of curiosity in his eyes at what the old killer would say.

"You said it yourself, stealin' is a more dangerous habit in these parts than killin'." He paused. "But if you've a tendency to steal, you'd best stay clear of Judge Roy Bean. He can't abide a thief."

Joey swung his rifle over his shoulder his manner still unconcerned.

"If he catches you with money in your pockets, he'll hang you promptly, and keep the money."

Joey shook his head lightly. "No, he won't hang me, but I might hang him. For sport. Por nada." His eyes narrowed a little at the last word, it coming out as a dangerous breath.

Ella became aware that Joey was actually trying to impress the man before them.

Hardin's crazy smile appeared back on his face, his eyes dancing. "Now, that's original. That would make the papers!" His voice now bore a fondness towards the young man in front of him. "Old Call might get fired over that." His smile faded. "No, my advice is to let Roy go, and kill Famous Shoes. You heard of him ain't ya?"

"My mother knows him. Why should I kill that old man?" Joey said eyeing Hardin with distrust.

"Because Famous Shoe's on his way south, to track for Call. If you don't shoot him first, he's gonna lead Call right to you. Famous Shoes don't miss."

Joey cast a cocky glance at the men in the bar his cool blue eyes coming to rest once again upon Hardin his look cold and blank. "Bueno Viejo." He slowly placed his hat upon his head. "Neither do I."

Joey ushered Ella out before him, closing the door behind them, leaving Hardin more than a little baffled and impressed by the young man's dauntless attitude.


	19. Chapter 19

A few days passed, each one like the last: Joey slept late and so Ella found she too slept late. They would rise after mid day had been and gone, eat and spend the rest of the day amusing themselves playing cards or going back to bed. Sometimes Joey would decide to ride out for reasons he kept to himself leaving Ella alone, she found she got along well enough with the three women in the house, she could at least hold meaningless conversations that passed the hours until Joey returned.

Ella often found herself falling back into the trap of lamenting the choices she had made coming here. Joey's cool manner towards her did not change, his cold emotions only becoming warm in their love making and the afterglow that followed when he would hold her close, pressing her body to his as if he feared letting her go would mean letting the moment escape. But the moment could never stay and he always reverted back to his callous ways, leaving Ella feeling confused and unsure. She knew she must love him, she knew she would not leave him and yet she despised herself for it, for letting him treat her so indifferently…

The truth was that Ella felt he was becoming distant from her the more time they spent together, he was slowly but forcefully pushing her away and nothing she could say or do would make him listen or react. He looked at her with blank blue eyes, his expression uncaring, his silence piercing… and now Ella found she had more than just his coldness to worry over; her menstruation had not come this month. She tried not to fret, it had happened before on many occasions where she had been late by a few days and it had always appeared making her stress pointless, but she could not prevent the small thoughts creeping unpleasantly into her mind… it was not well met news in any respect. She knew she had not been as careful with Joey as she should have been, letting him do as he wished when they bedded together, the passion making her forget to control the situation. But she had to admit she never wanted to stop him, she wanted every moment until he again reverted back into his cold ways. She scolded herself harshly, she should have known better and her carelessness would surely cost her dearly…

Joey was preening a little in front of the mirror.

"Are you goin' out?" she asked, leaning against the doorway. Joey had been venturing out more frequently, to the saloon or just riding alone. Ella knew he liked his solitude but the fact he was now going to the saloon every few nights and not taking her along pinched painfully at her pride.

Joey glanced at her with disinterested eyes, "Yes" he said simply.

"You goin' to the saloon?"

Joey cast an annoyed look at her through the mirror, the slight tightness in his jaw telling her he had had enough of her questions.

"You can wash my clothes, these girls still do not do it right." He paused as if enjoying her displeasure at his words. "Maybe you will do it better."

Ella's brow rose in irritation, Joey's words had become harsher over the last few days as if he wished to hurt her, to provoke her. "I ain't gonna do your laundry" she whispered, anger edging her words.

Joey glanced at her, tiredness within the depths of his gaze, as if she bored him. "You will do as I say."

"Don't treat me like them" Ella hissed, meaning the other women that lived there. "An' don't talk to me like I'm your goddamn servant!"

Joey smirked at her as if her little outburst amused him. He did not say anything else but headed for the door leaving Ella to fume in her own temper.

---

Ella awoke to complete darkness. She slowly let her eyes adjust to the lack of light and then rubbed them sleepily. She guessed she had fallen asleep soon after Joey had left, it was better than being awake fretting and thinking she supposed. She pushed herself into a sitting position and glanced out at the town through the large gaps in the wall, all was quiet. She could just about see a light burning dimly in the saloon and wondered if Joey was still there drinking. Although he would never admit it out loud, Ella thought he had grown quite attached to John Wesley Hardin; perhaps they shared some connection in that they both had become known as great killers.

She sat on the edge of the bed and ran her hands absently through her tangled hair. She finally got to her feet and searched through the darkness for a candle and quickly lit it, bringing a dim light into the room. She glanced up, her eyes catching her reflection in the mirror. She stared at herself a moment, fighting silently with the two conflicting emotions that continually battled within her… to stay by him or leave… she never seemed to gain any kind of answer.

She placed the candle down upon the table opposite the mirror and picked up a mug, sipping at the now stone cold coffee inside, she grimaced but the liquid was comforting. Her ears pricked slightly at the sound of laughter, she yawned and walked towards the door, it sounded like one of the girls, perhaps she could gain some company from them and relieve the loneliness.

She pulled back the curtain and took a step out. The room beyond was lit with a few candles; she quickly noticed that Beulah and Marietta were lying upon the bed, half dozing, but it was not this sight that stopped Ella in her tracks. Joey was indeed back from the saloon. He was seated upon a chair and sat upon his lap was Gabriela, one hand curled around his neck, her cheek pressed against his whispering amorous words, and the other hand was out of view beneath the waist band of his trousers. Joey's eyes were closed, his mouth open limply in enjoyment. It took Ella a moment to move, to do anything as the shock hit her bluntly, the icy feeling clutching around her heart and squeezing, making her lose her breath. It was not a sight she had ever thought she'd see. Men had betrayed her before, countless times… but never Joey… Joey had never shown any interest in any other female, only showed interest in Ella when he wanted something and he only ever seemed to want anything from her, no other girl was ever in his mind, or so she had always thought…

"What the hell!" She finally let the words burst from her, the sound startling her own ears and making all those in the room jump at the outburst - all that was apart from Joey, whose eyes slowly opened, their bleak depths focusing upon her. Gabriela jumped up and looked at Ella with pleading cow eyes, her expression stating she was just doing what she had been told. But before she could move away Joey had pulled her down onto his lap once again.

"I did not tell you to get up" he said, the edge of too much drink hinting within his tone, his words were slurred and lazy.

"What is this?!" Ella asked, her eyes upon Joey, searching his face and trying to gain any understanding but she found nothing but contempt staring back at her.

Ella tried hard to fight back not only the tears that were threatening but the anger that boiled within her veins, urging her to recklessly grab anything and strike him and the girl, to lunge for his gun and fire two shots that would end it all, all the suffering, she'd be free to leave… She closed her eyes slowly and re-opened them, forcing back the harsh feelings.

"What is this Joey?" she asked, her voice more even and calm, the tone surprising even herself given the current situation.

"What is what?" he asked lazily. He grabbed Gabriela's wrist, the girl flinched. "You mean this." He indicated with his other hand to her.

Ella rolled her eyes up to the ceiling. "You're drunk" she stated.

"Do not tell me what I am" Joey said lowly.

"Let her go" Ella said, suddenly feeling tired and impatient with the situation, she had to deal with far too many drunken men in her time and she had no patience for any man who had partaken of too much liquor.

"She will do as I say" he said coolly, his eyes again met Ella's. "You are angry." The words were almost a smug whisper.

"Yes, I'm angry" she said, her tone not holding any anger at all anymore.

"You do not want me to do this?" He indicated again to Gabriela.

Ella raised her eyes to look at him but remained silent.

Joey gave a casual shrug. "Fine" he said in a blasé voice.

His lips became a thin line and before Ella could move a step he had lashed out, his fist connecting harshly with the girl upon his lap. She let out a startled noise of surprise before she fell from the impact landing harshly upon the dirt floor. Ella stared at him, disbelieving he had just hit the woman now groveling upon the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Ella screeched, her anger once more flaring.

Joey was advancing menacingly upon Gabriela once again and Ella rushed forward putting herself between them.

"I am doing what I always do" Joey said, sneering at her. "Did you think just because I allowed you into my bed I would change!" His eyes flashed dangerously. "That you could change me and I could be good!" His tone was icy, smooth and chilling.

"Don't you touch her!" Ella hissed, ignoring his other words, her main concern was the girl and the fact that she felt sure that in this moment Joey was fully capable of killing the young whore, the thought made her shiver. "She ain't done nothin' wrong."

Joey looked at her, contempt edging his features before he turned and made for the bedroom with a sound of fierce frustration. Ella quickly turned to Gabriela.

"Let me see" she said matter-of-factly, making the young girl lift her face. "You'll have a bruise come tomorrow, but you'll live" she said, and let her scurry over to her two friends in the bed.

Ella turned to look at the door leading to the bedroom, half dreading entering that place now but she couldn't leave things as they were, she could not let pass unheeded what had just happened. She took in a deep breath before turning back to the women.

"Maybe it's best you go have a drink outside, till he calms some." In all honesty Ella herself felt like fleeing the house and Joey, she'd never seen him act in such a way and she was unsure how to handle this situation or even if it could be handled. Her hands felt suddenly clammy with the morbid thought that she may not even come out of the bedroom…

The girls were already upon their feet gathering the things they would need for a few hours. Beulah hesitated at the door.

"Will you be okay?"

"I'll be fine" Ella said, feeling no truth to her words, she did not know what was about to happen. "Joey don't normally hit women, it's the drink."

Beulah nodded, "He's been a hell of a lot better than any of our other landlords, we'll be back soon."

Ella gave a certain nod and watched as they left, she stared at the closed door for a few moments and without letting herself dwell upon her task a second longer she turned and made her way to the bedroom.

Joey was taking off his gun belt; he did not look up as she entered.

"You shouldn't have hit her…" she said in a small whisper, her heart already feeling the small tug of betrayal that he had laid at her feet on his night, that he had allowed another to touch him, she found the feeling even outweighed her fear.

Joey turned, throwing his gun belt down upon the table in an angry clatter. His eyes were thunderous and he advanced a few paces towards her, making Ella retreat backwards as her heart now began to feel the icy chill of fear curling around it.

"It happened because of you! You made it happen!" He said, full, fierce anger blazing in his eyes, the drink making him unable to keep his emotions in check.

"What did I do?!" Ella cried. "You're the one that has been acting cold; you're the one that had a whore's hand down your britches!"

"You made it happen" he repeated in a heated whisper. "Que puta estúpido."

Ella could no longer hold back the temper that clutched at her, the intensity making her feel dizzy. She struck out hard and fast, her palm connecting with a sickening sound against his cheek. He reeled from the blow, his drunken unsteady feet unable to hold him after the shock and he fell onto his knees. Ella took a step backwards, her eyes widening at the realization of what she had just done, waiting with bated breath for him to get to his feet and beat her… or worse.

Her look of fear slowly turned into puzzlement as he remained upon the floor as if frozen, the only movement was his heavy breaths as they softly blew against the hair that had fallen into his face. Ella's brow furrowed in worry, tentatively and with caution she bent down, her eyes searching for his face. Sensing her presence he glanced up, his blue eyes meeting hers and the sight stole her breath. Within his gaze there was no hatred, no anger - but fear, remorse and a strange pleading shone clearly out, the effect was disquieting.

"Joey?" she breathed in a frightened whisper, unsure for a moment if this was indeed the same man that had stood with her a moment ago.

Joey glanced away from her as if he were ashamed. Ella's heart gave a tug and despite herself she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into her warm embrace. Suddenly his body became stiff and he lashed out feebly trying to untangle himself from the comfort she offered.

"Do not forgive me!" he cried through gritted teeth, his voice strangled with hurt and bitter loathing. "Do not!"

But his fight had no conviction and Ella was easily able to contain him and bring him to a calm stop. She hushed him and ran her fingers gently through his hair, pressing her lips against the top of his head and cheeks until he was still enough for her to lead him back to the bed. He stared at her for a moment, his eyes searching her face, the cold look still vacant from his gaze. Ella lay down beside him, pressing herself against his back and wrapping an arm around his waist.

Silence reigned as Ella waited for what would come next… slowly and in a strange low voice Joey began to speak… his words were memories, memories from a harsh and brutal past…

---

The desert wind blew harshly into his eyes. The old mule beneath him was starting to lag from the many hour long journey, one of just numerous days of travelling.

"Where are we going?" Joey asked the man that led the mule, his mother's second husband; it was a question he had asked over and over again, yet an answer never came.

"Shut up!" The man said, giving him a harsh glance that held a warning of a beating if he didn't obey. He was scruffy but with a handsome glint to his features, his temper was foul, as was the rest of his personality.

Joey was only nine years old, and he did not like this man and what was more this man did not seem to like him any better. He was always shouting at him and beating him whenever his mother wasn't looking, and sometimes even when she was. Joey felt that his mother liked this man better than she liked him, her own son. Joey had a younger brother and sister, Rafael was three years old and Teresa had just been born that summer, his mother seemed more interested in them than in him… They were this man's children… he couldn't help feeling jealous that they weren't beaten and were sheltered; he couldn't understand why it was only him. But as Juan Castro told him many times, they were all the same blood, a family. Juan was also quick to remind Joey that he didn't have a father, he was no better than a bastard. Joey's own father had died when he had been a year old. He had gotten drunk one day and thinking that a railroad working was giving his beautiful wife, Maria, a hungry look he had challenged him. The man had beaten Joey's father to death with an iron rod… and now Joey had no father….

Two days ago Juan had put Joey upon the old mule and told him they were taking a journey. Joey had had no say in the matter, his mother and younger siblings were away in the next village seeing to his grandmother who was upon her deathbed. Joey didn't understand why he couldn't go to see his grandmother too, he often told his mother how much he disliked being left alone with this man, but his mother always thought he was lying and saying things were worse than they really were to get attention.

"We're here" the man said in a gruff voice.

Joey looked up, a strange village was before him with high pointed tents scattered here and there. He studied them with childish curiosity as a man; an Indian man came towards them. Joey stared at him with wide eyes, he'd heard tales of Indians from other children in his village but he had never thought he would see one.

"Castro, what are you doing here?" the Indian man asked Juan, his accent was strong.

"Well, I came here to trade, got something I thought you might be interested in Kutli." Juan indicated back towards the occupant of the mule's saddle. "This here boy is rare, a guero - blonde haired, blue eyed Mexican - he'll bring you good luck."

Kutli walked up to Joey and reached up; the young boy flinched away but was not quick enough to avoid the Apache's quick hand. He studied Joey's face, turning it harshly to the side, his eyes narrowing.

Joey stared back at him, taking in the man's features. He was tall, strong, with defined muscles to his torso and upper arms. His hair was jet black and long, reaching the middle of his back and his face was neither young nor old with a tense roughness to it.

"How much do you want?"

"A fair price" Juan replied with a smile.

Kutli let Joey go and returned his gaze to Juan, their eyes met for a moment as if trying to gauge each other.

"Here" Kutli said, and untied a bag from his belt before throwing it towards Juan.

Juan caught it easily and opened it with greedy fingers and eyes. "That'll do just fine" he said with a grin. "You can keep the mule for nothing, it'll be dead soon." He grinned again, his mind upon the money and what he would do with it. "You could eat it I guess."

Joey watched with wide eyes as the men around him talked and exchanged money over him, he was a bright boy and knew exactly what was happening and more to the point he knew it was useless to try and run or fight. Juan did not even spare him a glance as he began to make his way back in the direction they had just come from. Joey felt the mule begin to move once again and turned to see the Apache leading him towards the village, he tried to fight back the fear but it was hard, he was only a child…


	20. Chapter 20

Joey had lived in the Apache village for just over nine months of his life. His daily chores were arduous and most of the people of the village ignored him or treated him in contempt - as nothing more than a slave boy. He was beaten and punished for small offences such as taking too much food, not doing the job he had been set thoroughly enough for overly keen eyes or sometimes for what appeared no reason at all. But thankfully not everyone treated him so badly, Kutli and his son of fifteen, Chatto, treated him with some respect. Not kindly it was true but they held a grudging respect for Joey's strength, that he did not break down easily or lose the fire in his soul and defiance against his captors. Joey always took the beatings without crying out, his lips becoming a thin line as he took each blow, the Apache people valued this kind of bravery.

Joey bore it all, he had no other choice for the moment but his thoughts never strayed too far from the prospect of being free, of waking each morning without the fear of what this new day would bring and how many cuts and bruises he would retire with. His will would not break and for the first few months the thought of the people he loved kept him warm when everything around him was callous and cold, but now he only had himself to rely on, he found it a hard and cruel lesson.

Kutli had begun to teach him how to use a rifle and other firearms; Joey found great enjoyment in this small amount of free time learning how to become a good marksman, for that is what his job would eventually be, he would accompany the hunters as a lackey of sorts when he was old enough.

Joey found the lessons and tasks set before him simple, the targets easy to hit. Kutli had graced him with a great compliment by telling Joey that he was the fastest learner he had come across and that his gift to shoot so well must be from a higher power. When Joey was given a precious moment of rest Chatto would sometimes race with him, teaching him endurance and speed, how to breathe when he ran to outlast his pursuer and how to track and not be tracked. The lessons taught were never play, Chatto enjoyed departing his knowledge and boasting about his own accomplishments, in short Chatto liked having a younger boy to boss around. Joey also watched with curious eyes anything that was demonstrated to the young braves in the tribe, ways of ambush and silent killing were all played out. The Apache language slowly but surely turning into something he could pick out understandable words from. All of these lessons Joey took in carefully, processing what he had learnt and storing it within his mind, mulling slowly over how best he could use his new skills and how they could perhaps one day help him escape. A few of the women and young girls of the village were also softened towards him, drawn by his blue eyes and blonde hair which stood in startling contrast to his bronzed skin. Many of them told him he was a beautiful child and would be a beautiful man, they sometimes snuck extra food to him when he had not been given enough to eat.

But these small acts of kindness did nothing to soften the blow that Joey was still a slave, that he had been sold by his own family to these people for hard labor. He knew full well that his mother had not wanted this to happen. After Joey had been in the village only two months she had sent the old scout Billy Williams to try his luck at buying Joey back. The grizzled old man spent a long time talking with Kutli, explaining how the money he now offered was all of the Garza family's savings that they had scraped together over the hard years. Joey watched through a small split in the tent as Billy jingled the small bag as if proving his point, but it was to no avail. To Kutli Joey was his, he had bought him fairly and the young boy was a good worker, he had no reason to want to sell him or give him back no matter the tears shed or the sadness caused. Kutli had allowed Billy a small amount of time with Joey, Billy said that Kutli should at least let him give Joey news of his family. Billy met Joey by a small fire outside Kutli's house. The old scout studied the skinny young boy and tried to smile, but already his heart was heavy, he knew that this would break Maria's heart and he never wanted to see that sight, in fact he dreaded it. He had pondered snatching Joey in the dead of the night but Billy Williams had spent too many years out among Indians and hard men to know that if he did take Joey they would give chase and kill him, perhaps kill Joey too. Surely Maria would be more comforted having a child that was alive than one that was no more.

Billy told Joey that Juan was no longer living with Maria. Maria now knew he was not a good man and she would never forgive what he had done to Joey. She had made Juan leave and Billy tried to reassure the frightened child before him that he would soon be back with his family and they would be happy. Billy didn't know if these words soothed the child at all, he just stared at him with blank eyes as if waiting for him to say more, to explain what would happen and when he could go home. But Billy had no knowledge of what would come with time all he could do was leave the young boy in the Apache camp and ride the long journey back to Ojinaga, his news and heart weighing upon him heavily.

Billy came back many times in the next few months but as the Apaches still refused to give Joey up each time, the visits became less frequent as Billy had to work and Maria began to despair, unable to leave her younger children to even pay her son a visit now her little daughter was growing older. The message to Joey was clear the visits would soon stop, there was nothing more that could be done. Each time the gnarled old man rode into the Apache village Joey's heart leapt and then fell sickeningly into his stomach as he saw the scout was once again alone. His mother it seemed valued his siblings over seeing her eldest son… Billy still came now and again, passing by on his way to somewhere else but he was always turned away and finally he no longer came at all anymore.

The months passed, turning to a year. Joey was kept in barely livable conditions, given only enough food to survive, his existence had become wretched and happiness was a distant memory. He could not help the bitterness that slowly crept into his soul; he could not help the thought that his mother had abandoned him, choosing her other children. The venomous thoughts crept in tangled, tight vines around his heart, soon they would devour it fully and a shell would be all that remained…

---

It was the cold winter of his second year living in the Apache village, Joey had been carefully storing food, hiding it from view for the past few days, tonight he would escape, he had to… His body felt stiff every day from the many beatings and punishments, he could not seem to gain any kind of comfort for his joints and the cold wind bit down to his very bones through the insufficient clothing he wore. The light was slowly dying from Joey Garza's eyes, being replaced by something dangerous, a new flame that only held promises of anger and resentment.

He knew he had to get away, it was his only chance. He waited patiently until the sounds outside quieted and the crackle of the fire was all he could hear. He rose, his movements lithe and practiced, slipping from under his fur blanket slowly, glancing up every now and again to check no one was awake. He gathered his food and picked up a spare folded blanket, this would have to be all he took with him; he hoped that it would be enough to see him through the journey back to his mother's. His thoughts lingered upon the image of the familiar face of the woman who claimed she would never give up on getting him back, the lies that had spilled from her that Joey would soon be free of this place… his lips twisted in disgust as he shouldered the blanket and tucked the food into his belt… it was now or never.

He crept carefully out of the tent and glanced around, his blue eyes narrowing slightly as he took in his surroundings. With light steps he began to move, keeping to the shadows. The wind was bitter and he found himself wondering again if the one blanket would be enough to keep him from freezing. He shook himself from the thoughts, silently scolding himself, he had no time to dwell upon such things, he needed all his wits about him to get away… but it was too late, his mistake had been made.

He felt a large hand grip his shoulder and pull him backwards, sending him tumbling to the cold, hard ground. He regained himself from the shock of the fall and looked up into the angry face of Kutli; his eyes were blazing with displeasure. Before Joey could move the man had hit him hard and painfully across the face, sending a burning sensation through his cheek.

"You ungrateful whelp!" Kutli roared and dragged Joey to his feet, marching him without pause towards the fire, Joey glanced up at him fear tingeing his gaze but the man's face was set in thunderous rage. He did not glance at Joey but began to strip the young boy of his clothing until he stood naked before the fire that still burned in the centre of the village, a few elders smoking pipes around the flames watched on in amusement.

"You have proven you do not deserve the gifts I have given you!" Kutli spat, throwing the clothes upon the fire.

Joey watched in despair as the flames licked at the material, devouring them and leaving him with nothing against the freezing winds. He glanced up, his eyes narrowing in hatred at the Apache man; again Joey was dealt a harsh blow that knocked him to his knees.

Kutli's anger did not abate and Joey's small show of defiance had made him lose face in the presence of the elders, without halting he grabbed the boy's forearm and pushed it into the flames. Joey gave a surprised yelp at the unexpected action, and as the fire began to burn into his flesh he gritted his teeth, trying to bite back the all consuming pain that flashed before his eyes in bright sparks and heated spots. But it proved too much and finally Joey let a scream of agony rip from his lungs.

---

The winter had been harsh, Joey had not only had a nasty burn upon his arm to slow his labors but he was only given a pair of old, thread worn buckskin britches to wear after his clothing had been burnt. They were too big and despite the makeshift belt he had fashioned from some old cord, he constantly had to pull them back around his waist when they slipped. The burn was thankfully healing well and was not in danger of infection, it had been painful but not deep and he even doubted if he would be left with much of a scar.

The mood in the village had soured quickly against him as talk of his attempted escape had circulated and now even most of the women that had been kind to him did not spare him a look if he walked by and if they did it was to hurl insults or show him some form of violence. Joey found that with each day that passed the anger within him grew a little more, glowed a little brighter. He wondered often how long he could keep it contained and what would happen once he did not have the strength to keep it locked safely away… the thought frightened and excited him.

Finally and thankfully the spring came and with it warmer weather, Joey found he no longer shivered at night and that the days were more pleasant. He also found that as his twelfth birthday approached he began again to linger upon his family, upon his mother. His memories were clouded by beatings and hurtful words from both his mother and Juan, he found that he had slowly but surely come to hate Maria and that all the love and comfort he had once cherished and thought was never ending meant nothing to him, she meant nothing to him, she had left him here to rot.

"Joey." The deep voice broke his thoughts and he looked up at Kutli. "You will come with us today, we are to search for those that have hurt our people… you are a good shot and if you do well perhaps you will be rewarded."

Joey looked him over with an uncertain glance before giving a nod of confirmation that he had understood.

---

A large band of men from the Apache village were camped upon a hill overlooking a large gringo homestead. Kutli was in command of the raid and briefed everyone upon what was about to befall the unsuspecting people that lived at the ranch.

"The men of this place killed three of our men, two women and a child… they shall pay for it and we shall leave none alive" Kutli said. This was met by strong agreement and cries of joy at the prospect of getting justice. "We shall go as near as we can and our two best men with rifles will take down all that are outside." He glanced at Joey and then his son. "Joey and Chatto, you will be positioned with rifles, Joey you shall have Taza with you." He cast a wary glance at the young boy, telling him clearly that he trusted him no less.

They went to their positions and Joey rested down in the long grass, preparing his rifle as Taza took his place next to him, his eyes already wanting to see bloodshed. Joey spotted a small movement and raised his rifle; Taza glanced at him as if he were a fool.

"That man is too far, wait until he comes closer, you will miss and alert them to us." He said his tone stating that he hated even being near Joey.

Joey paid him no heed and cocked the gun, he took another swift look checking his shot was clear and before Taza could stop him he pulled the trigger. The shot rang out loud and echoing, Joey glanced up in time to see his target falling to the floor, a perfect shot to the chest had taken him out. Joey slowly glanced at Taza and gave a small, smug smile before turning back to the situation at hand. It was moments before two more men ran out to see what had befallen their companion; Joey again took aim and again easily picked one off from the same distance before the other had even had time to realize he was in danger. Joey again cocked the gun and for a third time shot, the man fell back, although his aim had been a little off and the bullet had not killed him. A war cry was sounded around them and the band of Apache burst from the grassland, descending upon the surprised and now greatly outnumbered remaining men in the house. Within moments the white men lay dead or dying and the victors rejoiced. Joey was given many pats on the back and warm smiles, even Kutli gave him a proud look while his own son Chatto looked on in envy, he had not even let off one shot.

This great victory led the path for Joey earning some of his respect back in the village, to be so young and such an accurate shot was rare and Kutli told him that he hoped one day he would be able to accept him into his home and treat him as his own son. Joey smiled at the news, hiding behind that turn of his lips the burning passion of hatred he held for the man and all the people of the village.

But he knew if he just concealed himself for a little longer he could find a way out, no matter what it cost…


	21. Chapter 21

"What are you doing?"

Joey felt a sharp pain radiate through his ribs as Chatto kicked him; he glanced up at the older boy, his blue eyes studying him with a cold glint.

"I am working" Joey said, turning back to his chore of skinning a wild rabbit.

"You only ever do women's work" Chatto scoffed. "You are no better than a woman." He let out a cruel chuckle.

Joey stopped his work and looked at the boy squarely, this had become a common occurrence since the raid a few months before. "Your father thinks I am a better shot than you" he said, the hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Chatto's eyes flashed and he again struck out with his foot, knocking Joey off balance. Before he could regain his footing once again, Chatto had picked up the half skinned rabbit and thrown it into the dirt. The older boy watched with amused, satisfied eyes as Joey was forced to go and fetch it, knowing that the skinny boy would now be beaten for allowing the food to be spoiled. Chatto gave a satisfied snigger and left to amuse himself as he saw fit.

Joey knew that this would be the likely outcome, yet his pride would never allow himself to take such harsh words. He made his way down to the river and washed the meat, hoping this action would be enough to hide the fact it had fallen to the dusty ground. As he stood in the cool water, allowing the gentle flow to sooth his tired, sore feet he heard the sound of a small whimper. He glanced up and saw the two young gringos that had been brought into the village a week before after another raid on a homestead. Joey had never seen captives brought back to the camp and sometimes in his spare moments free from work he would watch them as they sat in sorrowful silence. Perhaps it was their light hair which had made the Apaches want to keep them, they both had curled red hair and appeared to be kin. One was a boy perhaps a few years younger than Joey himself, the other was a young woman in her early teens.

The girl looked up, it had been the boy who had been whimpering as Joey noticed the girl's eyes were dry. She fixed her hazel gaze upon him and they studied each other for what felt to Joey a long moment. They were both tied to a post and so Joey felt no threat and decided to get a little closer, his curiosity piqued. He drew as close as he dared and stared at the girl intently as she looked back slightly embarrassed by his blatant attention.

"You ain't an Apache." Her voice broke the silence startling Joey for a moment.

Joey didn't reply for a good while, hardly anyone addressed him in a kindly way, it was always anger…unless he'd just made a good shot.

"Neither are you." He said with a sneer.

"Course I ain't." She barked back and then gave him a small smile, seeing that she had caused him to back away with her stern words. "Did they capture you from your home too?" She asked, her tone now sweet and comforting.

Joey shook his head. "I was sold." He said simply.

The girl looked shocked before she again found her voice. "Did they tie you up for a while when you got here?"

Joey again shook his head. "No, I just work." It felt strangely enjoyable to be talking to someone that wanted to talk to him.

"They killed our Ma and Pa." She nodded down to the boy. "Will they kill us?"

Joey gave a casual shrug. "I do not know." He paused. "Maybe."

The girl glanced down as if this news had been too much of a blow to take. Finally she looked back into his face. "My name's Sarah-Ann and this is my brother Francis." She paused. "What's your name?"

"Joey." He said calmly.

"Nice to meet you Joey." She said not forgetting some of her manners. "You're Mexican ain't you?" I ain't never seen a Mexican with blonde hair."

Joey just stared at her, feeling a little insulted for some reason he couldn't quite fathom.

"Maybe you could find out what they plan to do with us?" Sarah-Ann asked hopefully.

"No." Joey said coolly. "I will get beaten."

"Oh." She looked suddenly defeated. "Would you bring us some food at least? We ain't eaten in days."

Joey mulled over the request as she continued to stare at him with pleading eyes. "If I can get away… maybe." He said finally not committing himself to anything.

---

It just so happened that Joey found he had a good space of time when no one was watching him. After he had eaten his small meal, he stole the scraps meant for the dogs and crept outside. The dusk was warm and he quickly made his way to the pole where the girl was tied. As he came into her line of sight she broke into a grin, her eyes sparkling with pure happiness to see his face.

"You came back." She said in a hushed voice.

Joey didn't answer, instead he bent down and began to hand feed her and the boy food. They both ate greedily until he had no more to give them.

"Thank you." Her tone was honest. "Where do you come from?"

"Ojinaga." Joey said slowly, almost loathing speaking the name of the place his mother lived in.

"I don't think I know it." Sarah-Ann frowned.

"It's in Mexico." Joey replied simply.

"Oh, I ain't never been there." She looked at him intently. "How old are you?"

"Twelve."

She nodded but her expression betrayed that it was hard work talking to him. "You been here long?"

"I was nine when I came here." Joey was starting to feel annoyance at her constant questions. Hardly anyone spoke to him here, to be suddenly bombarded with words was a little shocking.

"Joey?" The sound of his name actually being spoken instead of just 'boy' startled him further and he looked directly at her. She was pretty in a way, he supposed. Still chubby with youth around her cheeks, her eyes almond shaped with sandy long lashes. Her lips were thin, but a pretty rose blush in color.

"Yes?" He asked curtly.

"Maybe you could help me and my brother…"

"What do you mean?" Joey asked his untrusting nature coming back into control.

"Well, if you help us get away from here, I can go to a town and send lawmen back to get you out." She gave a small smile and fluttered those long lashes. "I ain't no ma or pa now but I have an aunt. She's got a good ranch up in Texas…" She paused trying to gauge his reaction to her words. "Maybe she'd take us all in, once you've been rescued an' all."

Joey's eyes narrowed, his mind working, trying to detect any untruth to her words. "You would… come back for me?" He asked with a mixture of curiosity and disbelief.

"Yes, of course!" Sarah-Ann said with conviction.

Joey's brow puckered. "No." He said sternly. "You are lying."

"I ain't!" Sarah-Ann pleaded seeing her only hope of escape slipping away.

"My mother said she would come for me… she betrayed me." Joey said bitterly. "Why should I trust you?"

"Because." She said desperately. "I won't betray you Joey, I ain't like that."

Joey studied her carefully before finally reaching his decision. "You will come back?"

She nodded eagerly.

"I will help…" He paused. "But if you are caught, you must not tell them I helped you, entiendes?" He said sternly.

Sarah-Ann again nodded. "I promise, you got my word."

Joey worked upon the ropes binding them to the pole until they were loose enough for Sarah-Ann and her brother to wriggle free. Joey stood up and crept back into the shadows, giving them a single glance over his shoulder as he made his way into the heart of the village, silently hoping he had not been missed.

---

The next morning Joey awoke to the sound of great commotion in the village. His sleep had been light due to the fact he had not been able to stay in slumber for long. He kept wondering how long it would take for the girl to get to the nearest town and when help would be sent for. He rubbed his eyes carelessly and heaved himself out of bed. It was not long past dawn and his brow furrowed at the continued noise from outside. He pushed the door flap aside and stepped out. It seemed the whole village was awake. Chatto was stood nearby although Joey could not see Kutli anywhere. He walked up beside the young brave.

"What is happening?" Joey asked his eyes still upon the crowd of excited people.

Chatto glanced at him a sneer forming at the corner of his mouth. "The two fire haired children, they tried to escape but they were tracked and brought back." He paused and gave a small grin. "The elders are displeased… they were going towards a white town, they would have lead the white men to us…"

Joey's head jerked towards Chatto, his eyes a little surprised. "Will they be killed?"

Chatto grinned and shrugged casually before punching Joey hard but playfully upon the arm. "Come, let's go and watch." He began to drag the reluctant young boy through the crowd.

In the centre of the village around the large fire sat the elders, Kutli stood beside them and in the centre was the chief, who was lightly wrapped in a thin buffalo skin. The elders all seemed to be talking at once until the chief raised his hand bringing silence. His dark eyes were upon the young boy and girl who stood a little away from him. Their eyes were downcast and Francis clutched at his older sister's skirts sniffling. The chief leant across and whispered something to one of the other men. This man, a thin but sinewy old warrior called Itza-chu stood and walked towards the children, they both took a small step backwards as he approached.

"How did you get out of your bindings?" He asked in a clear voice. Joey knew that this man was used for talking to the gringos; his speech of their language was well versed. "You did not do it youself."

Sarah-Ann shook her head as little Francis began to cry.

"Speak!" The man said forcefully. "If you tell us who gave you aid they shall be beaten in your place."

Sarah-Ann looked about her, her eyes flying wildly for any help, but none was forthcoming.

"Fetch me a hard stick." Itza-chu said to one of the young braves who quickly obeyed. Itza-chu gave the stick a swish through the air and Sarah-Anne's eyes widened. "Bring her here." He ordered and two women from the crowd forced her forward and onto her knees before they began to remove her blouse. Sarah-Anne cried out in distress as the clothing on her torso was stripped and she was left with only her hands to cover her modesty. With soft, gasps of breaths she began to cry as Joey watched on his eyes wide, his heart beating wildly within his chest, not only at what was happening but at the fact that she may give him away at any moment… but she had given her word!

Itza-chu raised the stick and Sarah-Ann gave a screech halting the assault before it had begun.

"No!" She cried, sniveling in her hysterical sobs. "It was the Mexican boy, Joey, it was him!" She cried descending into more snivels.

Joey instinctively glanced at Chatto who wore a smug smirk upon his lips. He grabbed Joey's arm and pushed him forward into the clearing.

"Bring him here." Itza-chu said calmly.

Sarah-Ann was helped to her feet as Joey glared at her. She was led to the side lines of the crowd where she was made to face the current occurrences.

Joey was forced to his knees and his back bared ready for the first strike. As the first blow fell sending a burning sensation through his flesh, Joey fixed his eyes upon the girl, the one that had betrayed him and the pain lessened, his hatred was all that mattered. The agony from the beating would fade but his anger, his hatred would never leave him and would hold him in its comfort for all time, constant and unrelenting as the sun's rays.

He now knew that he would never allow himself to be used in such a way by anyone no matter how helpless they looked. He could only rely on himself and to trust in others was a mistake he would not pay for again…

---

Kutli thought that the harsh and brutal beating Joey had received was near punishment enough for his crimes and only gave him more chores instead of less food or more blows. In a way Kutli understood what a pair of pretty eyes could do to a boy's soul no matter what the age. The months passed and Joey turned thirteen. He did not see the young girl Sarah-Ann or her brother again they were sold off to another village. Joey was glad of this fact, he hated the girl and just looking at her seemed to make his very blood boil within his veins.

Once the village had calmed from the excitement and distrust he had once again earned, Joey was often taken on raids. His skills were still well thought of, even if his position had not changed. It was the height of summer, and today the Apache warriors were tracking a group of Texan men that had kidnapped, raped and killed two Apache women who had strayed from their gathering. The warriors rode for many miles across the arid landscape, Joey was silently thankful of the gift of a hat which he had been rewarded with after his third raid with the Apache, it was fairly new, brown in colour, large brimmed with a leather band wrapped around the crown. It was far too big for his head, but he was still glad of it and knew one day he would grow into it.

Once they reached their destination, another homestead, this one larger than the others but no less isolated, Joey was given the go ahead to find a place he felt comfortable shooting from and to see if he was able to pick any of them off before they needed to venture closer. The Apaches knew they could take no chances with the Texans and they didn't trust them an inch, ambush was the best form of attack. Joey found a small curve upon a hill and lay down, his eyes narrowed as he scanned his surroundings, the soft rustle of long dried grass swaying in the summer breeze reached his ears, calming his mind and slowing his heart beat. Through the haze of heat he could make out two men talking near a pen of cattle, they were almost too easy. He leveled his gun and took aim, the rifle bucked as he pulled the trigger. The first man fell dead and within a split second the other man joined him. Joey let a smirk appear at the corner of his mouth as the thrill and power of holding life and death over these people rippled through him. Within this moment he held sovereignty, he was no slave, he was the master and they bowed when he ordered it. His smirk graduated into a small grin, killing was good sport indeed…

The familiar war cry was sent up by the surrounding Apache warriors as more Texan men came pouring out of the house, their guns held high. Joey propped himself up on his elbow and watched the chaos unfold, the Texans took out a few of the Apache before they were cut down.

Joey turned suddenly, hearing the sound of footsteps behind him, Chatto stood looming above him.

"Come," he said with spite edging his tone, "we shall go and join them."

Joey studied him coolly; he could read the boy's look with ease. Chatto could not hide his loathing for Joey or the fact that his plan was to find a Texan, to finish him and restore his father's favors for himself. They made their way down to the homestead; most of the Texan men were dead but a few still fought on although it was a vain attempt on their part.

"Let us go into the house and see if there is anything worth taking." Chatto's tone was defeated; he had left it too long to lead Joey down here; there were no men with real fight left.

The wooden house was cool and dark with many homely quilts and quaint touches adorning the chairs and iron bedstead. Chatto's eyes scanned the room and he casually picked up a few of the items before flinging them back down in disgust. "Nothing but white man's junk!" he declared.

It was in that moment that they both heard the faint cry, a baby's cry. Chatto's head jerked in the direction it had come from and a sly smile fell upon his lips.

"Come" he said, gesturing for Joey to follow him.

They made their way to the back of the house; Chatto pulled back a curtain that separated the bedroom from the living area revealing, huddled against the far wall, a young woman clutching a baby. She was not past her mid twenties, was blonde and pretty with pale green eyes and a slender figure. At the sight of the two men within her home she shakily raised her free arm and aimed a pistol at them, her finger curled nervously around the trigger as her brow beaded with sweat.

"Stay back!" she cried, her eyes already pooling with tears.

Joey watched her with a mixture of curiosity and sadness, she looked so helpless and she had lost everything, her husband, her family, she was desperate.

Chatto gave a smug laugh and without pausing he pulled out his handgun.

"I'm warnin' you! Stay back!" the woman cried, her eyes rolling to white as the fear engulfed her.

Chatto aimed his gun and the woman hesitated as if gauging if he wanted her to surrender and lower her weapon, but all her thoughts were soon blocked out forever as he pulled the trigger landing a bullet neatly between her eyes. Joey suppressed the gasp that rose within his throat and watched with numb horror as she fell with a limp thud to the ground. The baby's cries intensified and Chatto rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Shut it up!" he commanded, pointing to the dead woman.

Joey gingerly went over to the body and pulled her heavy form from off the child. It wriggled and cried louder as Joey stared at it, not knowing what he should do to quiet it.

He glanced at Chatto, "What should I do?" he asked.

"Kill it" Chatto said casually, picking up a pretty decorative hair comb and studying it before pushing it into his waistband.

Joey glared at him and then looked back at the babe. "No" he said determinedly.

Chatto's eyes flashed and he turned, meeting Joey's gaze, his mouth twisting in hatred and anger that he was being disobeyed. He marched over to Joey and wrenched him onto his feet before picking up the baby carelessly by its upper arm and flinging it onto the nearby bed.

"You will do as I tell you, kill it!" He drew out his gun and aimed it at Joey's head. "It is a white baby, it will become a white man! It has no place here!"

Joey stared down the barrel of the gun, unlike the poor dead girl he knew when Chatto aimed his weapon he meant to use it.

Joey glanced back at the child, his insides beginning to squirm with the heavy burden of decision. He closed his eyes briefly and told himself to stop thinking about it, he did not know the child, he held no affection for it… it was either him or it.

He reached out, his hands shaking slightly, so that only he noticed the tremor and picked up one of the pillows from the bed. Without glancing at the crying babe he pushed the pillow down, covering its face completely. The child squirmed unpleasantly and Joey closed his eyes, wishing with all his might that it would soon be still. He pushed down harder and after a few dreadful, sickening moments had passed the child no longer moved. Joey gave one last push to make sure and then lifted the pillow, his mind already fearing to see what lay beneath.

The baby was still and its skin was tinged with a strange pale blue hue… it no longer drew breath, it was done. Joey felt his anger begin to boil at the sight, it roared like a fire ascending from his belly and engulfing his mind, he was acutely aware it was not over the little life he had just extinguished. Though he been loath to do the deed, he had in some small way enjoyed the power of life and death he had once again held. But this anger was directed at being forced to do something he himself had not desired to do. He heard smug, satisfied laughter and turned to see Chatto's amused face, his eyes danced with pleasure at the dominance he held over the young boy before him.

"That's better boy, you should always do as I say." He paused, detecting the anger Joey was feeling to a small degree. "After all, you are my slave and when my father dies I will beat you to death." He grinned and turned back to sorting through the scarce jewelry he had come across in a small wooden box.

Joey glared at him for a long moment before his gaze was drawn back to the dead child and then to its mother. He walked slowly over to her, his eyes taking in the bullet hole that now seeped thick looking blood. He looked down, the corner of his eye caught the glint of metal in the sunlight that shone in through an open window, the young woman still held the gun in her limp grip. Joey glanced back at Chatto and seeing he was still engrossed in his pillage he leant down as if examining the body. He reached out, his fingers brushing the wooden butt of the gun.

"What are you doing?" Chatto asked his brow furrowing.

Joey did not give him time to register anything else; he gripped the gun and wrenched it from the woman's grip bringing it level with Chatto's chest. Chatto's face fell in shocked surprise and Joey smirked before he pulled the trigger, the squeezing action felt like bliss rippling through his arm and vibrating into his mind as the bullet left the chamber and flew, burrowing deeply into the torso of the young Apache.

Chatto gave a small strangled sound, his hands clutching fruitlessly at the spot the bullet had entered and then he crumpled down onto the ground. Joey watched the gun for moment as small whispers of smoke curled from the barrel, he then bent down and laid the gun back into the woman's grip, wrapping her limp fingers around it. Joey walked slowly over to Chatto's body with certain casual steps, he squatted upon his haunches over the boy and looked down into his face, he was not yet dead, but blood clogged his mouth making it hard for him to breathe, he gasped gargled breaths, his eyes flying wildly.

Joey watched, the smile growing to a grin, and then a low chuckle escaped his lips as the life ebbed from the young boy's body. Chatto looked up into the face of his killer, his gaze registering that the power had now fully switched, before his eyes glazed over and his vain attempts at breathing stopped with one last whispered breath. Joey chuckled, again feeling a great satisfaction in knowing his smiling face had been the last thing the bastard had seen. He pulled the gun from Chatto's holster and threw it to the floor so it landed a few feet away, this would make them think the weapon had been dropped in a hurry.

He rose and shouldered his rifle, mentally wiping the grin and smugness from his face. He glanced at his reflection in a nearby mirror and saw a young boy of thirteen staring back at him with cold, stark blue eyes and he knew with a tug of pleasure that those eyes would no longer hold any remorse. He smirked one last time, adjusted his hat and replaced his expression with one of shock. He ran from the shack as if fleeing a great foe and let words burst from him in mock panic.

"She killed him, the woman in the house killed him!" His legs carried him towards the tall warrior who was dispatching the last of the Texans as the other warriors looked on.

Kutli looked up, his face becoming haggard within that moment of hearing those dreadful words, knowing without having to ask that his own son was dead. He abandoned the body of the Texan, neglecting to even wipe off his bloody knife.

"What has happened?" His normally steadfast voice held a tremor to its edge.

Joey caught his breath and looked up with fearful eyes. "Chatto wanted me to help him carry things from the house; a woman and a child were in there." He paused allowing himself a few seconds more to regain air and fight back the urge to laugh in insane glee at the look upon the man's face. "He wanted to kill the child so he did but the woman had a hidden gun, she shot him and then was going to shoot me, she was loco, but I grabbed Chatto's gun and shot her." He stopped and bowed his head in mock sadness. "I could do nothing to save his life."

"Ciye!" Kutli whispered in dread. Without looking at Joey he set off across the dusty ground towards the house, the other men followed in pursuit and support of their friend. With all their backs turned from him Joey chanced a smile and then followed them. He peered inside the house, looking around the men who blocked most of his view until he saw Kutli kneeling over his son's body, he sang quietly in whispered mourning. Joey felt his heart begin to soar at the sight. He turned from them, pretending to respect the moment; he sat down upon the edge of the porch and looked out across the plains. Now more than ever he knew he would soon be free and once he was, no man would hold power over him again and anyone that tried to beat him down would pay…


	22. Chapter 22

Chatto's lifeless body was carried back to the village and there was great mourning at the loss of such a young and important warrior. Although Kutli had not been head of the village, he was a well respected war leader and a knowledgeable fighter, and because of this his son was given the best last rites that could be offered. He was wrapped in beautifully woven red and white blankets and taken out to the old burial ground a few miles away, where songs of great ancestors and the great spirit were sung in celebration of a life and sadness that it had been lost with so few winters to account for it. Joey watched the whole proceedings with curiosity and smug pride, knowing he was the only one who knew the truth: how Chatto would have fumed to know he was now thought of as killed by a gringo woman.

Now that Kutli had lost his only son, he began to pay more attention to Joey, treating him with a kinder hand and lessening his chores. Joey knew that Kutli was grooming him to take Chatto's place and he made every effort to be obedient and grateful to the older warrior but to Joey it was too little too late. Joey hated him with a passion that was frighteningly intense, just as he had grown to hate all who dwelt in the village for taking away his freedom.

He watched Kutli when he wasn't looking, his bleak blue eyes searching for weakness, for a chink in the man's invisible armor… trying to find a way that he could kill him and not be blamed just as he had with Chatto.

The boy's death had awoken something terrible within Joey's soul, he had enjoyed it, reveled in having the power, of watching life flow from Chatto's body, knowing he had caused it to happen, knowing he was in control. But Joey's thirst for revenge could not be quelled so easily, he had to take Kutli's life too before he made good his escape and as each month passed and he was given more freedom, more respect, it grew an easier task to leave when he wished. But he stilled his mind, not until his task was done, not until Kutli lay dead by his own hand and looked into his face knowing it had been Joey who had stolen his life from beneath him, only then it would be over.

---

"Your rifle aim is the best of any boy or man!" Kutli exclaimed with pride. "You will be a great man, a great warrior!" He studied the young boy before him who now wore finely beaded buckskin clothing and had braids woven into his shoulder length blonde hair. "Soon you will be in your fourteenth winter and we shall begin the rites of manhood." He took the rifle from Joey's grip and laid it against the side of their tent. "You shall become Ciye" he stated proudly, "my son."

Joey gave him half a smile, Kutli had become used to the boys seeming lack of emotions, interpreting them as strength and courage instead of what was the secretly kept truth, raging anger and resentment that dulled all other feelings.

"Come," Kutli said with a grin, "let us eat."

Joey nodded and followed him into their home.

The days passed and autumn came and went and harsh winter again crept into the land. Joey waited patiently for a chance to present itself where he could use his skills. He thought many times of trying to poison Kutli's food but it carried too much risk, if he was discovered and if Kutli survived he would be killed and if he did manage to escape afterwards, no matter where he ran if he was known to the Apache as a murderer or an attempted murderer they would chase him to the ends of the world. His only real path lay with his skill with the rifle, he just needed the right situation, the impatience burned heatedly within him and his hatred grew each day, not only at the man he lived with but at himself for staying here when he need not, but he would not give up his revenge.

His day finally came; he was instructed to go out with Kutli and Taza, they were to gain supplies from a nearby trading post. Joey had ventured out there before a few times and the grizzled looking gringo that owned it was friendly enough to the Apache and more than willing to trade food and blankets for handmade clothing and pottery. They saddled their ponies and set out on the four hour ride that would take them to their destination. All three carried rifles and Joey had recently been gifted with a bone handled knife and a good strong coil of rope. The two men also had revolvers in their belts. They did not expect trouble as the pathway to the trading post was an ill place to hideout and ambush people but the threat from wayward gringos and vaqueros was still there, and no one let their guard down even on such a short journey.

Finally the old wooden cabin was in sight; it appeared to be empty of any other customers as no horses were tethered outside. Joey felt his heart beat a little faster, it was perfect. They trotted up to the tethering posts, dismounted and secured their horses before they entered the place. As was customary on these visits Joey waited outside on guard for any other men who may come riding by and mean trouble for them. But as the Apaches began to bargain with the bushy ginger bearded man within, Joey was not watching the road leading to the trading post, his attention was subtly directed upon the men inside.

As they talked in loud voices Joey cocked his gun and listened, waiting for his moment. He glanced over his shoulder and saw all three were engrossed in haggling, now was the time. His lips became a thin line as he turned and aimed with a certainty and boldness. His first shot took out Taza with ease and the irritating man fell down dead where he stood. Kutli was quicker and sensed the danger, he tried to move behind a table for cover but even the great warrior was no match for Joey's quick skills and he let another bullet loose, it hit Kutli in the stomach and sent him reeling to the floor. Joey made his move, with light, lithe movements he ducked into the store and moved from cover of table to cover of bench until he had come upon the body of Taza. He quickly removed his gun and once he was sure Kutli was no real threat he moved to where he lay. He was still alive and writhing in agony as he clutched at his bleeding gut, still trying in vain to push himself to safety, his gun lay in his hand and he tried to raise the weapon level with Joey's smug smiling face but the young boy brought his foot down easily upon the Apache's wrist, pinning him to the floor. Kutli grimaced at the pain as his last attempt at self preservation failed, Joey casually bent down and wrenched the gun from his useless hand, he pushed it into his own belt before taking Kutli's rifle and knife away from him. He turned, for now ignoring the mortally wounded man on the floor; he sensed other danger and his gaze fell upon the bearded man cowering behind the counter, a gun aimed directly at Joey's head.

Joey studied him with cool interest, gauging if he intended to pull the trigger, but it appeared the man was waiting to see what Joey himself would do, after all to his gringo eyes the Mexican boy before him had only killed two Apaches.

"You can leave without no trouble" he said finally. "I'll keep my mouth shut."

Joey stayed still, watching him with icy blue eyes and as he made no move to use his gun the man lowered his, a look of relief crossing his features.

"I don't blame ya boy, Apaches ain't no good."

Joey walked a few steps forward and felt a ripple of pleasure to see the man backed away a few steps as he advanced. A grown man retreating from a young boy of only just fourteen was surely something to be proud of. Joey again studied him, letting his steely eyes glance over his weighty form; he could tell he made this large man uncomfortable.

"Senor," he finally said, his voice held a dead tone to it, "neither are gringos." Before the man could register what was happening and lift his gun Joey had drawn his newly found pistol from his belt and in one swift movement it was cocked and fired, a bullet finding a snug resting place in the man's heart.

With all witnesses dead Joey's plan was now complete. Who would contend his theory that the trading post owner had turned angrily upon them after hearing of Apache raids on gringo homesteads. He smiled a smug smile and walked with lazy steps back over to where Kutli lay still struggling in his last battle with death, it was more than obvious who was winning. Joey crouched down beside the dying man and waited patiently until he noticed he was no longer alone. Kutli turned, his breathing coming in pants as his brow dripped sweat from the pain that ripped through him.

He stared at the young boy before him, his gaze shining clearly with betrayal. "Why have you killed me?" he finally blurted.

Joey gave him a cold glance over. "Because you treated me like a slave… and because I wanted to." His voice was lazy in its simple tone. He paused, a smile curling upon his lips. "Just as I wanted to kill your son."

As his words sunk into Kutli's mind the man gave out a roar of frustrated anger and raw rage. "Gusano!!" he cried, but his body was too weak to lash out or to do anything to the young boy that had not only taken his own life but his beloved son's as well.

Joey laughed in a low chuckle at the man's displeasure and torment. "My vengeance is done" he whispered, leaning in close so that Kutli had no choice but to look at him directly. "Look at me as you die and know that I ended your line." He grinned as Kutli glared at him with fierce hatred. Kutli coughed once and blood appeared wet and glistening upon his lips. He shuddered and his body became still, his eyes staring unseeingly into the room.

Joey continued to watch him for a moment, his eyes narrowing in curiosity as death worked itself fully over the scene with its icy cold fingers. After a few moments of silence had passed and Joey had had time to process his victory he got fully to his feet and scanned his surroundings. He placed the gun that had been dangling limply from his hand back into his belt and went over to the counter; he did not bother to walk around it but pulled himself up and over. He studied the many jars and after deciding upon what he wanted, he skirted around the dead bearded man and helped himself to a few foodstuffs. He pushed himself back up onto the counter and sat cross legged as he partook of his meal, surveying the wonderful chaos he had caused around himself.

When he had finished he picked a few small items that he wanted for himself and took a good amount of money from a wooden box before stowing it all in his saddle bag. He drew his bone handled knife and studied it, stilling himself for what he knew must be done, but he knew to go back to the village unscathed would cause distrust and the name coward being linked to himself, he had to make it look as though he had fought alongside the other Apaches. He gritted his teeth and drew the blade in a shallow cut across his forearm, the blood ran quick and bright, soaking into his shirt in a blooming pattern. He then added another cut to his leg and a last to his cheek allowing the blood to run freely down and soak into the material at his shoulder. He glanced at himself in the mirror checking that he looked suitably injured before he went outside and quickly lay down in the dust, rolling himself from side to side until he looked dirty and well travelled. The grit stung into his cuts and he winced at the sensation. He glanced back once more into the trading post and threw the handgun carelessly into the room; he pushed his rifle up his shoulder and mounted his pony. He could not help but smile as he began to ride away from the massacre behind him, even if the action did make the wound upon his cheek smart a little more.

---

He arrived back in the village suitably exhausted; he had pushed the pony to its limits for the last hour so they would both look convincingly tired and haggard. As he neared the village he heard the cry sound that someone was approaching and soon a band of men stood awaiting him. As he neared, Joey let his grip go upon the saddle and reins and let his body give in to gravity; he slipped easily sideways and landed upon the ground with a dull thud. The men were soon rushing around him, asking him in hurried words what had happened. Joey looked at them as if he were dazed before he spoke in a cracked whisper.

"Trading post, man ambushed us… all dead" he managed, before wincing as his cuts again gave an angry throb at being untreated for so long.

They soon picked him up and carried him back to Kutli's tent where women bathed his wounds and cleaned his body, dressing him in fresh clothing; he was given good hot food and plenty to drink. It was not until the following day that several of the elders paid him a visit to find out exactly what had happened.

Joey pulled a blanket tightly around him and acted as if the events were hurtful to speak of.

"When we arrived, as soon as we had dismounted….four gringo men came out and held us at gunpoint." He paused, "They shot Taza without a word and made me and Kutli watch." He paused again, "They taunted me and told me they would cut my throat but they just cut my arm, leg and face….Kutli managed to escape for a short moment, he got a gun and shot the red haired man, in return they shot him… they were distracted so I ran and I rode, they did not follow" he finished, his eyes downcast.

The elders nodded to each other, "The white men will be long gone, you were lucky to escape with your life boy."

Joey stared into the flames before him, trying to keep his composure, it was something he was finding easier to do with each day, his face becoming like a calm mask that hid everything he was thinking and feeling from those around him - only if he wanted an emotion to show would they even see the slightest flicker.

As the days passed, winter turning slowly to spring, Joey knew his time was soon at hand. All he had to do was give the events of Kutli's death time to settle and then he could escape. The people of the village would think he had run away distraught with losing first Chatto and then Kutli, they may give chase for a while, but they would leave him alone if he ran long enough and if he covered his tracks, these were both things he was certain he could do.


	23. Chapter 23

Joey's chance of escape soon presented itself. He had been careful to leave enough time after Kutli's death to make sure that he would not be suspected. He had been ordered to live with another family and did not find it hard to act distracted and somber around them; he slowly became aware that it was an any easy task because his own emotions were deadened and numb deep within him. He found he liked this, to know he had such control over himself. Some of the villagers began to call him by a new name, 'Little Mask', due to his seeming lack of feelings and the fact that his expression changed very little whether he should be joyful or unhappy.

The spring brought with it new problems, the Texans had become angered by the constant raids. Even if the Apache were only avenging what the Texans had done to their people, the white man had the power to say who was in the right and who was not and the Apache were never in the right…

The people who would normally have traded happily with them began to turn them away, food became less abundant and certain foodstuffs were lacking altogether, their bowls less laden with meat and the village had to send out more hunters in search of nourishment. Joey was always one of those sent out, his aim with a rifle always assured some animal was brought back.

If was upon one of these hunting trips that Joey made his break, he had it all planned in his mind, had been turning it over in his thoughts for many weeks. He would ride a little away from the main party telling them he had seen an antelope in the long grasses. While they still searched for other prey he would spur his horse onwards for a few miles before abandoning it and continuing upon foot, horse tracks would be too easy to follow and he knew well how to hide himself from unwanted eyes.

The plan went well without anything going off the course he had set. They allowed him to go after the antelope he said he had seen and once he was out of view he kicked hard into his horse's sides and rode at a gallop for a good few miles. The wind blew through his hair, making him feel the grasp of freedom teasing his skin and mind with its beckoning, but he would not let himself give in to that pleasurable feeling yet, not until he was sure he had gotten away.

After riding for a while he dismounted and took a saddle bag and blanket down from the horse. He turned the animal around to face the direction he had just come and gave it a hard slap upon the flank, the horse started easily and began to hurry away at a quick trot. Joey knew that the men he had been hunting with would now be looking for him, perhaps the horse would confuse the tracks he had made and make the task of tracking more difficult for his pursuers, giving him a little extra time. He shouldered his rifle and began to walk, keeping from the path and being careful to cover any heavy tracks, confusing those he could not. He lost any awareness of time as he trudged onwards, glad of his hat's cover against the hot sun, he supposed it had been a good few hours since he had left his horse and he was soon proven to be correct as the sun began to descend in the sky, turning the clouds a blazing orange hue. As the chill of night came upon him he wrapped the blanket about himself, he would walk a little further before he rested, perhaps he could find shelter and somewhere to make a small fire, until he did he could not stop for fear of giving himself away.

He was in luck and came upon a small cave that was shallow but hidden enough so that he could make a fire. Once it was lit and the flames brought a dim glow about him, his heart lifted a little. He ate a small meal of bread and dried meat before settling down upon the rough floor, he did not find sleep easily, his ears pricking at every sound, thinking the Apache would loom out of the shadows and drag him back once more… but finally he did fall into a fitful slumber.

He awoke the next morning and carried on in much the same way as the day before, his plan was to find the nearest town and acquire directions back to his own village, he could no longer remember what way it lay in, but his spirits were not dampened.

The shadows grew long upon the ground before he heard the first sound of danger. He could easily tell the animals that approached were Apache ponies and his trackers had caught up to him, although he knew it was only through luck that they had chanced along his path. He quickly hid in large underbrush and waited patiently. He cursed himself as his heart began to drum a little faster within his chest, he hated fearing these men…

They scanned the surroundings about them as they sat in their saddles, they spoke hurriedly in their own tongue, Joey only caught snatches of the conversation. One of them was asking if it would be wise to turn back, after all the Mexican boy was not their concern. Another argued back that Joey was the best shot they had… after a moment of bickering they decided to continue on until the sun set - if they had not found him by then they would turn back for the village and ask the elders what was to be done.

They urged their mounts onwards and Joey felt a small feeling of release as his muscles relaxed from their tensed positions. If he could evade their eyes until night fall he would finally be free. He looked up at the sky, he still had a few hours to go until then and he could not stay where he was. He listened intently for a moment and when he was satisfied that he was alone, he stood up and began on his way again, this time taking a slightly different direction to the riders.

He came across no other troubles and within the next two hours a small town was in sight. He smiled smugly at it, he had made it… he truly was now free. Joey strolled casually into the town, from the look of it, it was no more than a small boom town, the houses were crudely constructed, the timbers not meant to last and the occupants were grubby and desperate looking. He looked on as a man haggled with a whore who stood upon a balcony above his head; she laughed sweetly using all her charms to get him to part with more money than he wished to pay. As Joey passed by, the girl glanced at him and gave him a flutter of a wink.

Joey's eyes located the general store and he quickly headed for it without pausing. He pushed open the door and it gave a soft clang as a bell sounded announcing his arrival. It was empty of customers but a small, bony looking man soon made his way out from a back room to the counter, he stared at Joey through his round spectacles for a moment before he spoke.

"Can I help you son?" he asked, his tone was as if he spoke to a child.

Joey cast a cool glance over him, "Si, I would like to know how to get to Ojinaga."

"Ojinaga?" The man scratched his head. "Well you're just about to hit the border back into Mexico, I guess it's a day or two ride, in a south direction, you keep on going that way you'll hit it" he said, his eyes taking in the young boy and not liking what he saw.

"I need new clothes" Joey said simply, "I have money."

"If you have money you can buy, I think I can find you a shirt, jacket, some britches and boots, they might be a little on the large side."

"I do not care" Joey said, indicating with a nod of his head that the man should get what he had asked.

It was not long before Joey was discarding the hated clothing of the Apache and dressing himself in brand new, crisp material in a style that brought back fond memories of before he had been sold. The britches and boots were a little loose but this did not matter, he knew he would soon grow into them.

He handed over the amount of money the man asked for; the currency had been funded by his trip to the trading post with Kutli. He looked over his new outfit in a mirror and nodded.

"This is much better," he mumbled, "you can keep the other clothing, I do not want it."

The man picked up the buckskin shirt that was heavily beaded. "You sure boy, these might be worth sumthin'!"

Joey slowly shook his head, his eyes glinting a strange warning and the man heeded it, he knew enough men of this town to know when he should stop his conversing. He nodded and took the clothing behind the counter.

"Where can I get a horse?" Joey asked, his hands now busily removing the leather bonds that held the few braids in his hair in place.

"Horse, here?" The man gave a chuckle. "You'll be lucky to find one for sale even if ya have money."

Joey placed his hat back upon his head and gave a nod of disinterested thanks. "Senor" he said and made his way from the room back onto the street outside.

He paused and studied the houses, his eyes taking in horses that were tethered outside. Finally he saw the one he wished to take, he assumed it belonged to the man who had been discussing prices with the whore and since he was no longer out on the street Joey assumed he would be too preoccupied to be quick after him. He strolled up to the horse and nonchalantly unwound the reins from the post they were wrapped around. He gracefully mounted the animal and gave a soft push to its sides.

---

Joey rode for nearly two full days; he came upon Ojinaga just after sunset on the second day. The town had not changed; the small buildings lined the streets although he noticed that a few hastily built wooden stick houses had appeared. He tried to remember what he had felt the last time he had been here, but it was a blurred, numb thought that he could not penetrate. He wondered if his mother still lived here at all or had she moved on after abandoning him, travelling away with her family, a family he was no longer part of…

The bitterness began to well inside of him and he wrestled with just leaving here forever, but he found that he could not, no matter what lay ahead or behind this had once been his home, the place he longed to return to on dark cold nights in the Apache village where his only company had been the freezing winds and the dull throb of his latest beating…. This place is what he had fought to get back to.

He nudged his horse onwards and began to take the path that led through the village. Many people that dwelt within the village were still outside, they watched with curious eyes as he passed trying to discern who he was and what he was doing there. Joey ignored them and urged his animal onwards until he could see the river up ahead, its ripples of water sparkled in the gleam the sun shone down. He remembered this river so well, it had been a happy place, a place he had played as a small child, for a moment he was disappointed that his emotions would not allow him to remember that small joy of being a happy young boy with no cares… but he was who he was now, he had to be strong and proud, show no one his weaknesses, he knew what people did if they thought for a split second you were weak…

His mother's old dwelling was just ahead, he noticed that a new section of land just to the side had been cultivated into an ample corn patch, but apart from that small detail it did not look any different. He dismounted and led his horse around to the side and secured it there before pulling down his belongings. He turned and made his way back around to the front door. He mounted the few small stone steps and came to the doorway, for a moment he hesitated and then berated himself for having such a feeling… without giving himself another moment of thought he knocked hard three times upon the battered wooden door.

He heard movement from within and then the sound of a latch being lifted, the door opened and revealed the all too familiar face of his mother, a face that he had spent many a night cursing.

Maria's eyes widened in shock at the boy that stood before her, her eyes quickly pricking with tears. She opened her mouth but only a small noise from the back of her throat came out. She swallowed hard, her hand coming to clutch at her breast.

"Joey?" She finally pushed the name out, her voice disbelieving.

Joey did not look at her; he found the task too hard, her expression of lost joy twisted at his heart like a knife plunging and turning… It was as if everything she did wounded him further, making his anger brighter.

"I am home Mama" was all he said before pushing past her into the house.


	24. Chapter 24

Six months had passed since Joey had returned home to his family. He hardly uttered a word to his mother and his brother and sister earned nothing but his contempt. How he hated them, in some ways even more than his mother. They played, happy and content in their lives, their mother never far from their side, never far from offering them comfort. Each time this happened before Joey's eyes he was bitterly reminded how little of that he had had. How his mother had left him for dead in the hands of men that beat and hurt him, starved and taunted him… he would never forgive his siblings for having such an easy life.

Maria avoided talking to him about his past; he sensed that she knew he had been made to do awful things… she knew her young son had killed. But still she never asked him, Joey had felt certain she would… that she would want to know everything, he did not know if he would have told her but her attitude towards him, almost ignoring what he had been through made the anger burn brighter and harsher. She carried on as if he had not spent so many years away from home, almost pretending that her own husband had not sold him for money to buy whiskey.

Perhaps his mother thought if she did not mention such hard subjects they could go back to how they once were. Joey caught the glint of guilt in her eyes every now and again, guilt at leaving him, of knowing she had chosen her other children's welfare over him. If Joey had been in a reasonable mindset maybe he would have seen what others could, Maria hadn't had a choice, no one in the village was willing to take on a blind child and a half wit while she trekked far across the land to see her captured eldest… but Joey didn't have any reason when it came to Maria and so he only saw this woman as a betrayer.

There was only one time that Maria even alluded to anything had befallen her son. They had been sitting by the fire one cold evening; both his brother and sister were asleep. Joey had glanced up as his mother had spoken his name softly. She leant across from her chair and hesitantly put her hand over his.

"God forgives you," she said with an understanding, caring look upon her face, "and so do I, forget your past." She tried to smile. "Things will be better Joey, we can be a family…"

Joey had violently shrugged off her touch and she had settled back down into her chair as if nothing had happened between them. Joey glared at her, his eyes narrowing in anger, how dare she tell him he was forgiven, did she think such things could just be forgotten? He studied her with disgust as she darned clothing for her two beloved children that lay in peaceful slumber. So, she thought things were easily forgiven… he would soon make her change her mind.

---

Maria married again in Joey's sixteenth year. By this point Joey was known as a bad apple in the village, most stayed out of his way and it was common knowledge that he had killed three men in the last year, ambushing them out in the plains and taking their possessions. Of course no one could prove this to be true, Joey was very careful with the trinkets and booty he stole, he had a hidden cave where he kept everything apart from money and what he wanted for himself, such as guns or clothing. The cave was slowly filling up with his treasure, his trophies. He always smiled his smug smile when he went to look at all the pretty things, how little the townsfolk actually knew amused him immensely - he had killed many more men than three over the last two years. He had several rifles along with other booty: watches, rings, guns, wallets, tie pins, fancy clothing, combs, brushes and ivory trinkets. He liked to go up into his secret cave and admire the depth of a stone in a ring or the smoothness of a new firearm, it gave him a strange pleasure and in a way made him happy, each little thing reminded him that he had the power over the men he had taken these things from.

His new stepfather was a man from a neighboring town. He was well liked by all and his mother seemed very happy despite the fact that he was at least fifteen years younger than herself, only a few years older than Joey. His name was Benito and he lavished attention upon Maria's younger children, Joey knew if he would have allowed it, the man would have been kind to him too, but Joey could not stand him. In the two years that he had been home Maria had shown no interest in men, she had boarders now and again, men who were passing through and even though Maria rebuked their amorous advances they still did not take heed. Joey couldn't help but think that his mother must somehow be encouraging them and via this way of thinking he began to think of her as no better than a whore, who knew what she would do for money to keep food in her precious damaged children's mouths. Joey hated all the men who came, most were unkind not only to Maria but to her children too, Joey often caught the worst of the verbal abuse as he would always stand his ground. After his mother had kicked them out as she did so many times, if Joey had a full disliking for them he would follow their tracks out of town and make sure they never came back or ventured any further ever again.

Now, his mother was married again and to a good man. Joey knew he should have been satisfied with this, but he could not be, he hated Benito just as much as he had hated any of the others, sometimes he thought it may even have been more as Benito actually tried with him, attempted to become friends. Joey always rebuffed him with harsh, cold words but still it did not deter him. Joey also detested Benito's laziness, he would lay in bed all day grasping cheekily at Maria as she passed by, patting her behind and blowing kisses while Joey's mother cooked, cleaned and darned his clothing. Joey felt repulsed when Benito reached out and took Maria's hand, pulling her down to him upon the bed.

The thirst to be rid of this man who was now considered his father, who with that title held a power over him whether he used it or not, grew in Joey, the flame consuming him until he thought he could take no more. But he did not snap, not until a warm afternoon in the height of summer when he had come in the back door of the small adobe house after spending his morning at the cantina listening to the talk of drunkards. As he entered the cool house his ears had pricked at the sound of wanton panting. The curtain had not been pulled fully across the bedroom doorway and from where Joey stood he could see his mother and Benito in bed together. He was ravishing her in the way a dog in the street mounts a bitch. They had not noticed him standing there and he had slipped silently back outside.

From that moment on Joey wanted to kill him, but no rifle shot would do, not this time. The thirst to see the man suffer in the same way as Chatto and Kutli grew and blossomed into a plan. He awaited his moment and when Benito was finally urged by Maria to ride on to the next town to visit a dentist due to the pain of a bad toothache. Joey followed quietly on horseback, choosing his favorite ambush point upon a sandy hill. He waited for the older man to come the longer way as people always did coming out of the village.

Benito came into view just at the time Joey expected, his blue eyes took on the hungry look of longing for that moment which he knew would soon be his. He raised his rifle and took silent, calculated aim, watching the man for a small amount of time as he continued upon his way, oblivious that his life was just minutes away from being put out forever. The thrill swept through Joey's skin, his arms covered in gooseflesh, he shivered with pleasure as his finger tightened upon the trigger and gently squeezed. Benito didn't even have time to register what was happening, his horse buckled from under him and he rolled off its back with a dull thud. Joey wasted no more time and rode out at a quick trot. Benito looked up as he saw the young boy riding towards him and his face twisted in cruel realization of what was happening. He turned and fled but again Joey had expected this, planned for it…hoped for it. He brought out his lasso and easily roped the man's torso causing Benito to again fall to the ground, winded momentarily. Using the strength of his horse and his own will to see this through Joey hoisted Benito up to a large boulder, leaving the older man defenseless and exposed.

He had watched as the man before him begged, pleaded and eventually shouted abuse and spat at him. Benito called him a 'cold hearted bastard' many times once he saw that Joey had no intention of letting him go, that his life would be over this day. Joey took no heed in the man's talk, he fetched the machete he had stored in one of his packs and walked towards Benito. The man had begun to scream then, loud and shrill as Joey brought the weapon up and then swished it down with all the force he could muster. Slicing and hacking until Benito had no hands and then he also took his feet. Joey had not counted on just how much blood there would be, it splattered all over his nice clean clothing and matted into his hair. This fact had annoyed him, he didn't want this man's blood all over him.

Still it was done now. He watched Benito's face as his eyes rolled in pain and shock over what had just befallen him. Joey leaned in close.

"Now you have no hands to touch my mother." He said in a chilling voice.

Joey had cut the ropes that still held Benito to the boulder, allowing his mutilated body to fall onto the dusty ground. He was still breathing as the blood continued to gush out of his wounds. Joey kicked a good amount of dirt towards him, watching for a moment with an expression akin to dark, stoic glee as Benito tried to move his body. Joey let a low, soft chuckle escape his lips… he could not think of a more fitting end.

---

Joey had watched his mother's grief in smug satisfaction. After Benito's body had been found Joey even played the good son role for a day. He told his mother he would go and try to find out what happened to Benito and instead he had rode out to his secret cave and reveled in it once again.

Joey had not thought that Benito's death would hit his mother and his siblings so hard and yet they moped for weeks, the news had actually made Maria cry, something Joey did not think he had seen fully before. As he sat in silence watching the glistening tears slide down her cheeks he felt warmed and contented, the knowledge that it had been his own two hands that had caused this pain was a welcome feeling indeed, and one he felt his mother deserved full heartedly.

For a small time Joey was able to live off this emotion, the anger seemed quelled to a dim, dull thud that threatened within his head. He did not change his ways, he still went out 'hunting' whenever the mood took him and his abrasive actions towards his family stayed as they had always been. But with the rage lessened even for such a small amount of time he turned his attentions elsewhere. After all he was a young man and pretty faces began to make themselves known to him. He noticed many of the young girls batting their long dark lashes as he passed by, noticed their coy beckoning smiles. But he knew too well that if he interfered with any of them he would be expected to marry them and though he could deal easily with an enraged father the prospect of doing so and then being forced to leave the village did not appeal to him.

To quell the urges he had he turned to what many young men chose, the use of whore houses. He had plenty of money and was handsome, youthful and unusual in his looks so he was assured his pick of the ladies at any establishment. He had felt no nervous flutters or expectations on his first visit, choosing a place not so far from his home town. The girl was older than he by perhaps three or four years, Mexican and fair of face her name was Katia and she was quiet just as he wanted. She hardly spoke a word other than to ask his name and had then lain down clothed in only a robe upon the bed waiting for him to do what he wished. The liaison had not lasted too long but it had dulled the lust he felt and it was not long before Katia was the one and only girl he wanted and he frequented her when he needed. It was never a warm affair, he got what he wanted and she got what she desired from him, it was an easy and fair exchange. He was well liked by Katia as he held no fantasies of romance, no passionate longings to sweet talk any of them, he came for business and he got what he wished with little or no conversation.

---

Joey was seventeen when his mother remarried again. The man, Roberto Sanchez was not a good man, he treated Maria badly after their first few months of marriage, preferring to stay out all day and night drinking than at home beside her. Joey did not feel threatened by Roberto he knew all too well that he would soon leave, his displeasure over Maria now that he knew she was not just a pretty face would soon see that he was no longer seen around here. Joey was amused to find he was a little disappointed he would not get to kill this man, but he felt to do so would be pointless after all they shared a strange bond in that they both disliked his mother's company. A year had not passed before Joey was proven to be right. Without a word Roberto packed his belongings as well as a few of Maria's and left, leaving her and her two young children to lament their loss once again. After this event Joey was convinced his mother was no better than a whore, worse perhaps. She had the gall to claim to be a good, honest women yet in Joey's eyes four marriages was far too many for any good woman, at least most whores were honest about what they did.

On his eighteenth birthday Joey sat in his cave having escaped from town and the cloying presence of his mother who now only had disapproving looks to give him. She would defend him with a fierce passion to anyone in the village but to Joey himself her eyes held only disappointment. The expression made his blood boil and he wished for nothing more than to wrap his slim, small hands around her throat and squeeze until she could not look at him with anything but glassy death, but these thoughts were fleeting and he had more important things to do. His cave was now a place of wonders, treasures were piled high and he knew that he could easily live comfortably off the money he could acquire for them, but he did not wish to part with them; the knowledge they were his was more than enough riches to his mind.

He had taken to going further afield in the last few months, venturing over the border where people were richer, he had even taken a few stage coaches by concealing himself high above the trail and shooting the coachmen. They were carrying reels of cloth, bottles of whiskey and other assortments, all of it ended up in his cave as well as a fine pocket watch from one of the men he had shot. But still he longed for something more, it never seemed enough, the thrill of shooting lone men had faded, he wanted more…

It was six months after his nineteenth summer that he had heard of the trains, murmurs of the great cargo they held were gossiped all over the village. Joey had his new plan and he took to it with a vengeance. The feeling of killing seven men all in one go was one that could not be beaten. On his vantage point well hidden from sight, Joey had picked each man off one by one, the thrill seeming to make his mind tingle with a delicious delight and when they were all dead he had made his way down, taking what he liked and leaving what he did not. He took five more trains in the next few months before he had become tired of being out in the open, he disliked being unclean and living on the ground only washing himself at low quality boarding houses. He finally wished to return back to his home. He took one last train; one that he knew full well had no valuables aboard, only livestock, sheep. He had killed the men with ease, picking each one off before they even had a chance to comprehend what was happening about them. He had walked down to the train side after the deed was done, his gaze racking over the dead bodies, taking trinkets from them that he deemed worthy for his collection and with a smirk he had left the livestock still locked in their carriage pen, knowing that they would soon die of thirst in the blazing sunlight.

---

Joey's words tapered out into the cold, dark silence. Ella's eyes were wide; she had never felt more awake than she did in this moment. She had propped herself up onto her elbow at some point during Joey's long and slurred tale, his words had been stunted, sometimes talking to himself and at other times talking as if to an old friend that he had only just rediscovered. She became aware that her arm now ached, she had become so engrossed as Joey spoke that she had not noticed the pain until now, she glanced over at him, his eyes were closed but she knew he was not asleep, not yet.

She let her body rest back on the bed giving her protesting muscles the relief they so craved, she watched Joey's back for a moment, struggling for any words to speak and not knowing if she should even say anything if she found them. Her ears pricked at the sound of the door being opened by the returning women, she heard muffled voices but they soon settled down, they were probably a little drunk and would soon be sleeping peacefully.

As the silence fell again back over them Ella became aware of Joey's soft, slow breaths. She listened to them for a moment trying to gain any understanding. He had done so many unforgivable deeds in his short life, so many awful things that to even hear of them made Ella feel sick to the pit of her stomach and yet… he had not always been this way, he had once been a happy child just like all children are before grief, sickness or misfortune finds them. Joey's life had been hard and cruel, she did not know how she or anyone else would have reacted had they been under such pressure and torment… She laid a hand tenderly upon his shoulder, feeling her emotions torn in two separate ways, one was telling her that he was a cold blooded killer and had no goodness left in him, that she should run while she still had the chance… but the other part of her pitied his harsh life, knew that no child should have to feel the way he had on those cold and lonely nights, abandoned, mistreated and in despair… and the small ball of hope renewed itself in her mind. He had confessed so much, had seemed lost and afraid on this night, no one without a goodness to their heart could feel this way, she felt sure of it…

Ella pushed herself closer to him and buried her face into the back of his neck, breathing in his scent.

"It's okay" she managed to whisper, and for a moment she thought she felt his hand clutch hers in a small gesture of acknowledgement.


	25. Chapter 25

The next day Ella finally awoke late in the day, Joey still slept beside her, snoring softly from the amount of drink he had put into his body. She slowly rose and glanced outside, her heart felt lighter this morning and the sun a little brighter as it shone its warm light down upon her. She glanced back at Joey; he looked the picture of innocence in slumber, like an angel that had lost his wings…

She gave a low yawn and smiled sleepily before snuggling closer to him. She nuzzled his neck and he gave a low sigh, his hand came to enclose hers that lay leisurely against his stomach. His fingers brushed absently against her skin and Ella felt a small shiver at the touch. She nuzzled his neck again and kissed his cheek.

"How do you feel? You drank quite a lot last night." Her tone was caring and her voice nothing more than a whisper in consideration of his aching head.

He did not answer, instead Ella felt his body stiffen; his hand stopped caressing hers and froze as if he had just realized something important that stopped all movement. His hand dropped away from hers and he shifted himself in the bed so that she was not pressed so close against him.

Ella furrowed her brow at his actions, "Are you okay?"

"Si," Joey replied in a harsh whisper, "your voice makes my head hurt." The words were meant to wound in their careless tone.

"I can get you some coffee" Ella said unsurely.

"Si, get me coffee and cook me food, you take up too much of the bed." He gave a low sigh as if speaking to her was annoying him more and more by the moment.

Ella rose from the bed trying to stop herself being pulled in two separate ways by confusion and anger. She smoothed her appearance in the mirror before splashing her face with cold water. She glanced at him, he hadn't moved other than to roll onto his other side so that he was not facing her. Ella pressed her lips together not knowing if she should shout at him or plead with him, she finally decided upon something that was middle ground.

"Why are you acting this way?" She was disgusted with herself that her voice bore pained emotion.

"I am not acting any way" Joey said after a moment of silence had passed. He gave a low sigh. "Do my laundry, I asked you to do it days ago and you still have not done it." He paused and Ella glared at his back. "Stay with the women today, I do not want you around talking and making me feel worse than I already do."

Ella gritted her teeth, more angry with herself than him. She knew full well why he was acting this way… he was ashamed of what he had told her last night, regretted it bitterly, but she should have known better than to expect him to change after a drunken confession, she was again fooling herself. The anger would not relent as she stood there staring at his back, the fact that he would not even deem to look at her made the sting all the more painful.

"Don't talk to me like I'm your whore!" she bellowed before she could check herself.

Joey shifted around to finally look at her, he winced at the movement, his head obviously troubled him. He shielded his eyes and then studied her with an uncaring gaze. He looked her up and down with a disgusted sneer.

"If you do not act like a whore I will not treat you like you are one" he said casually before turning back away from her and pulling the covers over his head. "Now get out, you are irritating me" he said, muffled by the material.

Ella stared at him and in her anger picked up a pitcher that held water and threw it against the adobe part of the room. It smashed with a satisfying amount of noise and not giving him a chance to reply or react in any way she stormed from the room. The three women were already awake and by the looks upon their faces they had been listening intently to the fight between herself and Joey. She glanced at the women feeling suddenly angry at them for no real reason, she was about to speak prickled, spiteful words, but her stomach gave an unpleasant tug as a cramp rippled through her body. As the realization of what this could mean made itself known in her mind she felt a small amount of relief. She would be glad to get out of the house for a while. She turned back to the three women.

"Joey wants something to eat and drink, I'm goin' to the outhouse."

She did not wait for them to reply but grabbed a strip of torn cloths from a nearby table and exited the building as quickly as she could while still maintaining her dignity. She was glad to be away from the stuffy house at least for a short amount of time; she could clear her head and think. She paused, her eyes checking the surrounding town for anyone she would not wish to bump into but seeing no one she made the short journey down to the outhouse and taking a deep breath of cleaner air she opened the door and entered. Although she tried to hold her breath it did not last long as the awful, gut wrenching smell invaded her senses. She would have to be quick if she wanted to keep her senses and her food from the night before.

She pulled out a few strips of cloth and pulled up her skirts, she closed her eyes a moment and prayed silently that she would see the stain of blood… she looked down and checked. Her heart sank with a sinking sickness that overpowered any stenches around her, the white of her pantaloons was all that her gaze found. She shoved the cloth back into her skirt pocket and covered her face with her hands, trying hard not to let the tears that threatened within her eyes spill over. She gave a small sniff and cursed under her breath. Why had she been so careless? She had always been careful at Jane's and before that, even with her own husband… she couldn't be pregnant not now… not by Joey. She gave an involuntary sob and let a few of the tears slip down her cheeks. She stilled her emotions, chiding herself for letting them get the best of her. She wiped away her tears and looked up into the spider web covered ceiling above her head before closing her eyes and letting her mind think.

She re-opened her eyes a long while later and knew that she had been over all her options at least a dozen times and there was only one that any sensible person would take. She sighed lowly ignoring the distress that beat harshly within her heart at the thought… she had to leave him, there was no other way…

She finally opened the door, the blast of clean air invading her senses and reminding her of the awful smells she had been encased in. She gave a spluttered cough before closing the door, glad to be out of the place. She took in a deep breath and readied herself for the task ahead.

"Hey Little Diamond." A calm drawl came from nearby and Ella spun around to face the man stood behind her.

Ella eyed John Wesley Hardin with dislike but remained silent.

Hardin grinned "That was your name right?" He waited a moment for her to answer but when she did not he continued. "Little Diamond Stella." He laughed, "I remember you well, kinda disappointed an' hurt you don't remember me."

Ella studied him a moment. "What do you want?"

"So you don't remember me?" he asked teasingly with a sly smile.

"No, not really." Ella's tone held defiance but his sharp eyes could tell she was lying. She remembered this man all too well, how could she forget that face, that voice… those eyes filled with a gleeful kind of madness.

"Oh come now, you must remember me!" He gave her a wink, "You always insisted on calling me Wesley, you said it was a genteel name." He was playing with her, it was all just a fun chase to him as it always was. He had looked younger and better dressed when she had known him all those years ago, time it seemed, had not been kind to him. He was scabby and worn looking, his clothes and skin were dirty and his eyes seemed to hold more of that unbalanced light. Ella recalled that she had at first liked Wesley as she had called him, he was a nice enough fellow with ready money who never beat upon a girl unless she was out of line. She also recalled that this man could read people, tell what they were thinking, it was useless lying to him…

"Yeah, I remember" Ella said finally.

"Don't think your pup would be too happy to hear I had his girl" he grinned.

Ella looked away quickly but it was too late to retrace her steps and cover up her body language and the look in her eyes - he had seen it all.

"Oh, so he doesn't know about your past, is that it?"

Ella glanced back at him, her expression half pleading and half enraged. "Are you going to tell him?"

Hardin gave a low chuckle, his eyes glinting with a crazy gleam. "Now why would I do that?" He paused, watching her reaction. "A gentleman never tells, Little Diamond."

Ella gave him a wary look. "What do you want?" She paused already knowing his answer. It seemed he hadn't changed all that much after all.

"I got a nice cot, not many pretty girls come through here as ya can imagine. How about you spend some time with me?"

Ella's expression darkened. "I don't think so, I ain't a whore no more, haven't been for years… I was married."

"Was?" Hardin raised an eyebrow, his eyes still holding that unstable light.

"He died" Ella said in a whisper.

"Died… or do you really mean killed?"

Ella glanced at him, disliking that this man seemed to be able to read her as easily as if she were an open book, turning the pages with one easy flick of his gaze. She didn't respond but again he seemed to gain an answer without her needing to speak of anything.

"The pup?" He gave out a chuckle, thoroughly amused. "You ran off with your husband's killer?" He smiled and squinted as the sun cast its light into his eyes. "Aw now Diamond that's cold."

Ella frowned, disliking Hardin more by the second. "It wasn't like that" she said, loathing the fact that she was explaining herself to him.

"Did he kill your husband cause he wanted you? I mean I can understand it." He winked, his lame attempt at charming her falling flat.

"No." Ella glanced away wishing the conversation was over. "Dave was goin' after a train Joey wanted, it had nothin' t' do with me." Hardin did not reply and this drew Ella's attention back to him, he was studying her with a stoic expression but his eyes were still shining with high amusement.

"You sure about that?" He stuck a cigar in his mouth and lit it before blowing out a puff of smoke.

Ella's frown deepened. "Of course, Joey had no interest in me till after Dave was long buried."

Hardin laughed. "You sure have a lot to learn Little Diamond, a pup like Joey Garza has more than one reason for doing the things he does, I know his sort." He grinned widely. "Hell, I am one." Ella felt his eyes traveling across her body. "I sure would have killed your husband if I wanted you."

Ella shifted, uncomfortable under his scrutiny. "Well, you're wrong" she said stubbornly. "An' stop calling me that, no one calls me that no more."

Hardin chuckled taking another draw upon his cigar. "Well, tell me what I should call you then."

"Just Ella is fine, though I prefer if ya didn't call me at all." Ella narrowed her eyes at him. "What you doin' hangin' around here anyhow? You got an outhouse down by the saloon that's just as bad as this one."

"I saw ya, thought I'd come and greet you good afternoon, only proper after all" he teased, enjoying this game.

Ella gave him a repulsed look. "Following women to outhouses, it ain't your strong point." She gave him a fake smile and made to finish the conversation by leaving.

"Ella."

She hadn't taken more than a few steps when the use of her name made her turn back to him.

"I got to wonderin' why you were in there so long."

Ella rolled her eyes in distaste at his words.

"See…" Hardin walked slowly down to her and Ella suddenly felt a slight pang of warning over this man, she'd heard tales from the three whores. Stories about him killing over fifty men during his life, one just for snoring too loudly, he was someone to beware of - a fact that she had forgotten in the surprise of finding him awaiting her just outside the outhouse. "I only know two reasons for a woman to stay in an outhouse in Crow Town so long, smells so bad an' all." He was only a few feet away now and still advancing. He came to a stop just to the side of her, Ella felt her heartbeat quicken in a tremor of unsure fear at his closeness. He leant in closer so his lips were mere inches from her ear; she could smell the stale scent of old sweat and whiskey upon him. "Either she's avoiding a beatin' or she's findin' that she ain't bleedin'." He paused and Ella felt his eyes gauging her reaction. "You see it a lot with all the whores that live here." He pulled back and took a few steps away from her making Ella feel a little relieved. "So which is it Ella?"

She glanced up at him, her eyes locking with his, her gaze blazing with disgust.

"Ah," he commented with a dry tone, "so it ain't a beatin'." He put his finger to his lips as if thinking long and hard. "Tut, tut should have been more careful Diamond, you know better, don't you" he mocked.

Ella's expression darkened further, she didn't think she'd wished anyone dead so hard in all her life.

"The young killer ain't gonna be happy is he?" Hardin said with a flick of his finger back in the direction of Joey's house. "An' by the looks of it you're not thrilled either." He grinned loving the pitiful drama going on about him. "Whatever will you do?" he mocked, taking another puff on his cigar.

Ella glanced back at the house she knew Joey still slept in and felt a tug within her gut. It didn't matter if this man, Hardin, enraged her - he was right… She suspected Joey was not going to be happy with the news and neither was she… Hesitantly she took a few small steps towards were Hardin stood; now pretending to ignore her and scan the surrounding land.

"Is there…" She paused as his sharp eyes fixed upon her, "anyone here that can help?"

"Help?" Hardin asked, smirking, knowing her meaning well.

"Anyone that has the knowledge to help me" Ella said, gritting her teeth, fully aware that he was playing with her.

Hardin laughed in his low long chuckle. "Some of the whores maybe, though I wouldn't trust any of them with my body but then I ain't a woman carrying a cold killer's child." He chuckled again, "Or if ya like…"

Ella eyes lit with a spark of hope, but before she could move Hardin stepped quickly forward, his arm circling her waist and pulling her to him, he smiled almost cruelly. "You could come back with me, I could find a way if you paid me back nicely." His eyes bore into hers. "You owe me remember?"

Ella's mouth turned down in revulsion before she violently pushed him from her. Hardin smiled, his look telling Ella he liked a woman that fought back. "I don't owe you anything, you're just as crazy as you always were!"

"I could treat you better than him if you treated me right Little Diamond." He continued ignoring her words. "We had fun remember… those nights when I'd make you squeal an' moan." He laughed lowly, "Yeah, you remember don't ya, always were my Little Diamond."

Ella knew he was only trying to rile her and she was angry to realize it was working all too well. "Stop callin' me that!" She glared at him, her eyes holding nothing but contempt for the man before her. "I was doin' my job, I moaned like that for everyone!"

Hardin's smile faded just a little and Ella knew that she had at least wounded him some, this man obviously remembered her fondly and she had just destroyed his precious, sweet memories, the notion felt good to her.

Hardin gave a dry laugh, his look saying he no longer wished to chase her. Ella turned from him and began to make her way back to the house, in an even worse mood than she been in when she left.

"You're just the pup's whore Diamond, you know that" Ella heard Hardin call after her. "Never be anythin' more to a boy like him." He gave a long winded laugh and Ella found that the sound stayed with her long after he had begun to wander back to the saloon.


	26. Chapter 26

Ella returned back into the gloom of the musty house. The three women were cleaning Joey's used dishes but they had set her aside a bowl of food and she gratefully accepted it when it was offered to her. She placed the cloth back in its place, mumbling an apology to them for her gruff attitude earlier as she sat down at the table and began to eat.

"You okay?" Beulah asked. "You were out for a good while; we thought maybe you were sick."

"No, I'm okay" Ella said tiredly. "Just didn't get much sleep."

Beulah sat herself down at the table as the other two women began to style each other's hair to pass the time. Beulah's eyes found Ella's, her gaze stating that she had a good idea of exactly what was wrong. "I saw you take the cloth… and bring it all back…"

Ella looked away suddenly feeling her voice dry out upon her tongue.

"Do you know or, do you just think you might be…"

"I ain't sure yet, I've been late before."Ella cut off her question not wanting her to say anymore, feeling sick at the mere prospect of hearing those words spoken out loud.

Beulah nodded. "There is someone in Crow Town that can help but…" She hesitated. "Last girl that went to her bled to death, most of us are too scared to go now… if it ever happens…"

Ella nodded, wiping at her brow absently wanting any distraction to interrupt the conversation, Maria's face swam into her mind's eye and for a moment she had an over whelming urge to burst into tears at the comforting sight of her friend. She struggled with her emotions regaining them under her own control once again before her mind settled, she'd go back to Maria, Maria would know what to do… she would help. Ella glanced around the room slowly her eyes taking in the squalid place, she stared disbelieving that she had let it get this far. It was true that she could not stop herself loving Joey, but she could stop herself being in misery, she could love him back in comfort, back at Maria's home, it would hurt but being here would do her more harm. Perhaps the time apart would help heal both her and Joey and make it easier to see where their paths lay.

After she had finished eating she rose from the table.

"He's still asleep" Beulah warned.

"It's okay, I ain't gonna wake him."

"You're leavin'?" Beulah asked with wide eyes reading the young woman's determined air.

Ella nodded, "I'm goin' home."

---

Ella quietly crept back into the bedroom and spread out a spare blanket upon the table. Being as silent as she could, she began to place her belongings into it, meaning to tie all four corners and use it as a make-shift bag. It was true that the clothing she now packed was not her own, but borrowed from the women, she felt slightly guilty for taking what was really theirs but she knew if she needed to cross the river near Ojinaga she would need fresh clothes to keep her from freezing once she reached the other side. She'd have to find a horse to leave but she felt sure she could at least find some means of transport and if the worse came to pass she would walk and just have to be careful of the sun and cold nights. She'd survived before under such harsh conditions, she could do it now and battle through two days to get back to Maria, the dangers were there but if she was cautious she felt confident she'd make it. A small shiver ascended her spine, it was fear. She'd not travelled alone since all those years ago when Johnny Duke had found her…

"What are you doing?" Joey's groggy voice stopped her task as quickly as it had begun and interrupted her thoughts of the past.

She turned to face him and saw he was propped up on one elbow watching her with his cool blue eyes.

Ella took in a deep breath. "I'm leavin'" she said casually. "I don't like this town and right now I don't think much of you neither." She turned back to her clothing and continued folding a blouse, focusing all her attention on it as if by doing so she could block out any harsh words he would soon send her way.

Joey frowned at her. "You will not leave" he said as if this was a widely known fact.

"I will leave" Ella said, not turning to face him.

She heard him moving and glanced over her shoulder; he had thrown back the covers in anger and now stood a few feet from her his eyes gleaming with icy wrath. His small frame could not hide the power and confidence that oozed from him in this moment nor the anger that fuelled both of those traits, the more he was provoked the greater his presence seemed to be, grasping and growing over the room like a dark shadowed hand.

"I said you will not."

Ella turned to face him fully; his gaze bore down upon her making her very limbs feel heavy and for the first time since they had become involved Ella felt a tingle of true fear descend her spine.

"I have to leave." She breathed, her voice fully revealing how intimidated she felt in this moment.

Joey sneered, his anger burning brighter by the second, cloying the surroundings with its weight, like heavy mist hanging in the air about them.

"I can't stay Joey" she said finally, realizing she could no longer just leave without an explanation. "I thought if I just kept tryin' I could make this work, but it ain't workin'… an' I'm tired of tryin'." She paused for a moment and silence fell deafeningly over them. "I feel lost when you hold me, the reasons why I'm stayin' an' holdin' on to you are… they're just not enough." She finished trying to voice her emotions, but the words were jumbled and stunted.

Joey stared at her, his jaw set in foul temper.

"Maybe if we have time away from each other we can find out what we want, but right now we're just hurtin' each other." She paused again knowing she couldn't stop now, the words flowed like water. "I don't like who I am with you… I need to go back to Maria."

"My mother?!" Joey interrupted with a low laugh of contempt, his eyes narrowing as if the young woman before him was stupid for even uttering such an idea.

Ella nodded.

"You want to stay with my mother more than you want to stay with me?" he hissed dangerously.

"No, I need Maria." Ella said feeling that the situation had suddenly darkened further just with the mere mention of Maria's name.

"Why would you need a whore?! There are whores here!" Joey said, gesturing to the doorway.

Ella shook her head at him, not knowing what else to say. She didn't feel any anger at his words towards his mother, she supposed she expected no better from him, it had become routine. "I have to go." She turned from him, wanting to be from here quickly, the situation was becoming threatening for both of them.

Joey strode forward, his steps forceful and almost violent; he made her turn to face him once again.

"I said you will not leave."

Ella looked up at him, her heart and mind tugging her two ways, the result was painful. "Joey, I'm sorry…" She found that looking up into his face, seeing the slight glint in his eyes that could be hurt that she was leaving made her almost regret her decision. "I don't want to leave." She offered what she thought would perhaps be comforting words. "I know what you said last night… An' I understand and I know you have a good soul." She pressed her hand against his cheek but he angrily shook off her touch.

He narrowed his eyes at her as if her words had somehow wounded him. "You will not leave." His tone was verging upon being dangerous.

Ella gave an exasperated sigh, tired of the circles they seemed to be going around in. "I think…" she hesitated, knowing she had one last card to play to try and convince him it was all for the best. "I might be carryin' your child… that's why I need your Ma."

Joey's lips parted as the news hit him; his eyes lost their rage for a moment becoming a deep blue like the sea after a storm. He turned from her, his mind trying to find some way of coping with the verbal blow he had just been dealt. Ella watched him, waiting for his reaction and not knowing exactly what it would be.

"Do you understand?" she asked, her voice a whisper.

Finally he whirled around, the blazing fire of anger back in his eyes with a vengeance, he walked towards her and Ella backed up a few steps until she bumped into the table and could go no further. She stared up at him unable to keep the tinge of fear from her gaze.

"If you have a child" he hissed lowly, his eyes glinting cruelly, "I will drown it!"

Ella stared at him in open mouthed shock, unable to believe the words he had just spoken, they dripped with venom, hate and meaning, it didn't matter that she didn't want the child, that wasn't the point. Before she could regain her senses her gut instincts kicked in and her hand flew, this time it was no slap that connected with Joey's jaw but a tightly closed fist. Ella's hand began to throb after the impact, she glanced down noticing that a little skin was missing from her knuckles - she had hit him hard, enough to send him stumbling a few steps backwards. Joey jerked his head up his eyes now dancing in a dreadful cold blue flame. Ella didn't have chance to move or defend herself as an open handed blow was landed harshly upon her cheek, the impact was savage and the shock it left in its wake made her legs buckle, she managed to keep her footing by gripping onto the table behind her. She stared at Joey, her hand flying to her quickly reddening cheek that had already begun to sting with a burning sensation.

Ella's eyes were drawn to a small trickle of blood upon Joey's bottom lip and she felt a small sense of satisfaction ripple through her at the knowledge that she had landed a good blow herself. They stared at each other for a long moment icy blue flames meeting warm brown defiance.

Finally Ella broke the connection and without taking her hand from her swollen feeling cheek she turned and renewed her packing. She had not finished folding the blouse she had previously been concentrating upon before Joey strode confidently up to the table and quickly grabbed all the clothes and with one violent movement he had thrown them upon the dirt ground.

Ella glared at him. "Stop it!" she hissed, "You're only acting like a goddamn child because of last night, just go back to bed."

She soon wished she had said nothing as another blow was landed upon her cheek; it was lighter than the last, a glancing blow. She shook her head a little regaining her senses.

"You think what I spoke of has any meaning!" Joey said, the depths of his eyes blazing with a look verging upon madness. "It means nothing!" he hissed through gritted teeth.

Ella looked up at him, her gaze flicking quickly to each of his eyes. "Yes it did," she whispered, "I'm glad you told me…" She paused, "I know why, now… why you can't stop bein' so angry."

Joey stared down at her, his anger not abating. "You think you are my angel, my salvadora?" he sneered as if the mere idea were idiotic. "To you my soul is good, si?" He reached out and grabbed her hand pressing it harshly against his chest. Joey leaned in closer to her so his smooth cheek brushed softly against hers. "Usted es un tonto." His voice was a deep whisper. "There is nada." He gritted his teeth as he spoke as if pushing back a great wave of anger.

Ella tried to pull her hand away, her own anger beginning to boil over. "Get your hands off me!" she cried, trying to wrench herself free and push back the flow of unwanted tears that his heartless words had caused to brim within her. Joey's grip tightened. "I don't want you touchin' me!" Ella's voice was peaked with emotion. "Let go so I can leave!!"

Without another word escaping his lips just one last look of exploding anger Joey forced her to turn from him. It took Ella a moment to realize what was happening but as his hands began to push her down, forcing her to lean over the table her eyes widened as the freezing clarity clutched at her. He was going to show his domination over her just as others had done in the past when she had over stepped her mark. She forced her body up with all her strength, trying to struggle from his grip but he had already clamped a hand at the nape of her neck and easily forced her back down until her cheek was pressed against the cool surface of the table top.

"No!" she cried, trying once more to fight but Joey again pushed her back down with a violent shove, knocking the wind out of her lungs for a moment.

Ella scrabbled at the table trying to find anything that would help her but there was nothing to aid her, she knew if she screamed the women in the other room would do nothing and it did not matter how much she fought the only thing she would achieve was exhaustion and perhaps the brunt of his anger once again. Still her mind refused to let her give in so easily, she gritted her teeth and struggled against his grip but he held her fast, her actions seeming to not even faze him. He again forced her down and Ella relented, her breaths coming in low huffs from the effort.

"Don't." She managed through trembling lips as her heart beat hard and fast seeming to make her whole body shudder under its rapid, fearful pace.

She tightly closed her eyes as she felt his free hand lifting her skirts over her hips, her pantaloons were pulled harshly down her legs in one quick movement and Ella knew she'd lost this fight. The sound of his belt buckle clinking reached her hearing and she turned her head to face the wall, she did not want to look at him while he did this, she felt the dig of his fingers in the back of her neck as she shifted her position. His feet shoved apart her legs and after a short moment of fumbling he entered her with one swift, brutal thrust. Ella managed to catch the cry that threatened to burst from her lips and pressed them together tightly preventing any further sounds emitting from her, but tears of anger and distress pricked at her eyes and she allowed them to fall, focusing upon them as her way of venting her emotion in this moment. Her fingers found the edge of the table and she curled them around it, clutching at it for support against the situation as his hand pressed into the small of her back adding more pressure so that any struggles would be quickly dealt with. His other hand moved from her neck and wrapped roughly and painfully over her hip bone, his fingers squeezing, crushing and bruising. Joey did not take time in his task it was quick and pitiless, his breaths coming in heavy pants but not from enjoyment, from anger and disgust… at her or himself Ella could not tell. Ella bit down upon her bottom lip her hands now balling into fists as he continued. It was some small relief that it was over quickly, he roughly pulled away from her and fastened up his belt before roughly pulling her skirts back down.

Ella slowly rose, her whole body shaking, she tried to stop the tremor that ran through her making even her lips seem to quiver. She hung her head, glad that her hair was loose and it could hide her emotions from him, she quickly became acutely aware of her harsh breathing.

Joey pulled on a shirt and quickly buttoned it up before proceeding to dress in his waistcoat and jacket. He placed his hat upon his head and adjusted it for a moment in the mirror before looking at her, his eyes had lost their anger becoming once again like the sea after a thunder storm.

"Do you still think you can save me?" he asked in a low voice, darkness lurking somewhere deep within, daring her to contradict him.

Ella let out two more harsh breaths, the effort moving a few hairs that hung before her face, she remained silent. Finally Joey walked towards the door and then stopped just before exiting the room. He did not look at her as he began to speak. "You will stay until I tell you to leave… if you leave before that I _will_ find you."

Ella glanced at him from beneath her curtain of protective hair her eyes flashing with hatred.

He continued on his way leaving Ella alone with the chaos that had just been created. She finally willed her body to move and forced herself to take unsteady steps over to the bed. Her mind began to flash up teasing, taunting images of herself and Joey in times past, in the throes of passion, the memories only tormented her now, knowing that this time there had been no tenderness, no desire apart from the wild need to have power over her. She let out a stifled sob and knowing she was alone she let her tears fall, her body began to shake once again as the shock took over her. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her head upon them, letting harsh sobs rack her body and the regrets close around her.


	27. Chapter 27

Ella lost track of time, the tears did not seem to want to abate and give her peace and as they flowed her eyes began to feel raw and sore. Her thoughts were blank and empty as they flashed up memories from her past, of bygone sadness and happiness. Her mind never lingered long upon any of them, they came in snatches, brief shafts of colour. Although it pained her to admit it she had not felt truly content until she had met Joey and become involved with him, it disgusted her, it was contradiction in the rawest form, how could she be content with anyone that only caused her pain, that treated her badly and had never given her a true kind word. Even Dave had been tender with her when the mood took him and worse still, even past customers had laid pretty words in her ear… from Joey she had never received anything other than contempt, anger and bitter disappointment, he had never even called her by her name in all the months they had been together.

She had been expecting something that never came and could not be given. To Ella it felt as if she had been spending these last few months breathing for him, living for him and being obsessed by him. She had never taken the time to wonder about what it all meant, what she was really getting herself into… she always left thinking too deeply until another time and now that time had come, it demanded her attention. Her only thoughts before had been of wanting him and not being able to pull herself from the grasp he seemed to have around her, now she could not do anything else but think about all her mistakes and it was a bitter tonic, one that she wished she had never had to taste.

She was disappointed in herself more than Joey, he had never pretended to be anything else than what he was, he had not hidden himself from her… she had seen something that was not there, she had wanted it to be a part of him so badly that she had forced it into her mind. But the truth of the matter was that Joey had no interest in changing his ways, in becoming the person she wished him to be, the man that could love her as passionately as she loved him. The realization was like another slap to her already swollen and bruised cheek.

Ella again descended into merciless tears and she could not keep in the whimpers and loud sobs that escaped from her lips, she could not remember ever feeling despair like this, not even in her darkest hours…

"Ella?"

Ella glanced up at the sound of the kindly voice; she had become so engrossed in her own sorrow she had not noticed Beulah enter. The older woman wore a look of deep concern and upon seeing Ella's face her heart softened further; she sat down upon the bed and roughly pulled Ella into a warm, comforting embrace. Ella could do nothing else but clutch at Beulah's shoulders, taking the solace that was offered with all her being and feeling grateful that it had been given by anyone in her time of need.

Beulah hushed the young girl that sobbed in her arms and stroked her hair until Ella's tears began to lessen and she regained some of her composure. Beulah pulled back and pushed the tear dampened hair out of Ella's face, cradling her cheeks, she smiled a warm understanding smile.

"Aw now, that's better" she whispered softly, wiping the remaining wetness from Ella's cheeks.

Ella was strongly reminded of her own mother in this moment, the tender, caring touch and voice… Ella suspected Beulah had once been a mother herself in the past.

"It seems like the end of the world, don't it?"

Ella nodded her head slowly, still feeling that motherly quality.

"Trust me Honey, it ain't… all three of us here have been forced by men, it ain't so bad… you just ain't used to it but I can tell ya it's better than a beatin'." She smiled again.

Ella gave a faint smile at her words, the fact that these three women, who lived in this dark, desperate place thought she was better than them, that she was a 'real' lady made the sting worse. When she'd first started out it had been in a town better than Crow Town it was true but life at that point was as hard and as undignified even if she had been the Belle of the establishment.

Ella wiped her hand across her eyes, "I know, I've been forced many times Beulah."

Beulah looked at Ella, her expression slowly forming into realization of what the words meant.

"You mean you were a…"

"Yeah" Ella nodded.

Beulah laughed, "I never would have thought it lookin' at you."

Ella gave a dry laugh in return before Beulah's face again took on a serious quality.

"Then I don't understand."

Ella looked at her, her eyes still stinging after so many tears. "Understand?"

"Why you are cryin', could understand it if you were a lady, but if you've been through all this…"

Ella gave a small nod and glanced out, her eyes grazing over the sand hills around the town and the slowly descending sun that could still be seen. Finally she turned back to Beulah.

"He won't let me leave; he says he'll find me" Ella said, changing the subject.

Beulah studied her a moment, "Best not get on the wrong side of him."

Ella gave a distracted nod before again returning her gaze to outside.

"I have been forced before" she said in a voice that wanted to choke back the words. "But never by a man… I loved."

Beulah's face fell in understanding, her dark expressive eyes full of sympathy and she again pulled Ella into a tight embrace.

Time passed slowly and soon Ella was able to pull herself away from the comforting arms that held her, feeling that she was emotionally strong enough to support herself. She studied Beulah for a moment, she looked to be in her forties, had long light brown hair and sky blue eyes, but she was weathered and tired looking in her features. Ella suspected that Beulah had once been a great beauty before hardship and sadness had whittled her looks slowly away.

"What are you doin' with a man like that?" Beulah asked, breaking the silence. "You don't seem like the kind of woman to follow someone like Joey."

Ella gave a small shrug. "I don't know… he shot my husband." She laughed dryly seeing Beulah's shocked expression, "John Wesley Hardin reckons he shot my husband because of me."

"An' what do you think?"

Ella gave another shrug. "I don't know what I think anymore, I just want t' go home."

Beulah rubbed Ella's shoulder in a comforting manner. "Did you stop working when you married?" she asked, sensing that a change in subject was called for.

Ella nodded. "I'd only worked for near on two years, one year of that being at a nice place in White Oaks run by Jane Greathouse… you know her?"

Beulah shook her head. "No, but I've heard tell of her, heard she treats her girls like kin."

Ella smiled, "She does."

Beulah hesitated, knowing that she would be steering the conversation back in the direction she had been trying to avoid but still she decided to ask anyway. "Does Joey know what you did before?"

Ella shook her head, "No, I don't think he'd be too happy neither."

Beulah gave a slow nod, agreeing silently with Ella's statement. "I won't tell him."

Ella glanced at her, a smile of thanks appearing upon her lips. "What about you, you ever been married?" She found it felt good to talk about anything that would take her mind off the last few hours.

Beulah's eyes darkened a little with underlying sorrow. "Yeah I was, used to live in Kansas with my husband and two boys." She paused, "We moved out to Texas because John, my husband, thought he could make a better living raising cattle." She smiled as if remembering a secret memory. "It went well for a few years but we kept getting cattle stolen by Apaches and bandits till we were strugglin'… When the winter came and the pox with it, well… My boy Robert was the first to go then my eldest Fred and finally my John went, I was the only one t' survive…" She paused again, "I sometimes think God punished me by leavin' me alive… well I had no money, no prospects, but I still had my looks so I used them." She glanced around the room as if seeing unwanted memories. "Ended up here after my looks no longer favored me so much an' well this is where I've been for near five years, take in anyone I can, like the girls, try and teach them what I know, how t' survive."

Ella nodded sadly. "I'm sorry to hear that, sorry to hear you ended up here… you ever feel like a change of pace you could come back with me… if I ever leave, there is good work if you're willin'."

Beulah grinned. "Well, I gotta say, not had anyone offer me that for a long time." She patted Ella's arm tenderly. "But I'm too old t' change my ways, it's not so bad - I don't have to do much and I don't get a beatin' as long as I keep quiet." She smiled again, "No, I've lived this life too long to change."

Ella felt her heart tug in pity at the woman's story but she knew it was one that was echoed all across the Southwest.

---

Ella did not see the point of taking her bed elsewhere, she knew Joey would most likely just drag her back for disobeying him and she felt tired, exhausted to the point of not caring anymore. So, once she and Beulah had talked for some length of time the older woman helped Ella ease her bruised body out of her clothing until she was down to her petticoat and camisole. Beulah had then put Ella to bed, tucking the covers around her in a tenderhearted way. Ella had let her eyes drift closed, her body telling her forcefully that she needed to rest, and sleep had claimed her easily.

When she next awoke the sky was dark, speckled with stars and wisps of grey cloud, she guessed it was the early hours of the morning. She became aware of someone else in the bed beside her and knew it was Joey returned from the saloon or wherever he had spent his evening. She thought of getting out of bed and seeking somewhere else to pass the remainder of the night now that he seemed to be asleep but her mind and body again protested and she allowed her eyes to close once more.

It was a bright and sunlit morning that greeted her eyes the next time she opened them. The sun was warm and the bedroom benefitted from its rays, giving the room a cozy, pleasant feel. She stared up at the ceiling for a moment, unsure what she should do from this moment on… it could never go back to how it had been for her, the feelings she had for the man lying beside her had been shattered beyond repair and yet she could not just switch off her emotions and despite it all her heart still seemed to beat for him. She glanced over at him; the warm, bright light fell softly upon his features, illuminating the smooth bronzed skin of his cheeks. His hair was spread around him on the pillow, silken strands of flaxen gold glinting in the sun, his lips were full and welcoming, holding promises of hidden sweet kisses. He looked like an angel, pure and perfect, his soft breaths stirring her own heart and yet it was all a lie… Once his beautiful deep blue eyes opened, dazzling in their beauty as the light picked out the vivid violet that lay hidden within the irises, he would direct that terrible gaze at her and the fantasy would be shattered, leaving her once again to grieve for the man that did not exist inside of him. The man he was so bent upon showing her was long dead and buried before he had even taken his first breath in this world, it was all a dream and yet he was still her angel… not an angel of light but an angel of betrayal.

---

Ella fell into a fitful sleep, filled with dreams that made no sense. Dreams of Joey and dreams of shadowed creatures lurking in dark corners waiting for her to walk close enough for them to snatch her into their clawed hands. Sometimes a shaft of light would show their faces for a flicker of a moment and she saw Dave's features twisted and monstrous, cruel handed customers, Johnny Duke and many other faces that were not a welcome sight and all distorted like the creatures were wearing them as paper masks to conceal their true hideous forms. The light was quickly fading around her and she knew once the light was gone so was her protection from what crept, hungry, in the darkness.

She could see Joey standing in a circle of brightly glowing candles a little way off but she could not run to it, a lake of black separated them and the monsters slithered on their bellies making strange shrieking noises. Ella called out Joey's name and the sound caught his attention. He turned, the candlelight glinting upon his hair, creating a haze about his head, reminding Ella of the pictures and stained glass windows of saints in churches she had seen in her youth. She looked at him, her eyes pleading for him to come and get her. She did not know how she knew it, but she did know that he could get to her somehow, that he could kill these monsters easily with his rifle if he just aimed, but the dark, sleek weapon remained slung casually over his shoulder and he made no move to remove it. His blue eyes found hers; their depths were cool and remorseless. Ella shouted his name once again, the light was waning around her, the circle becoming smaller and the beasts snarled in anticipation as she was forced to stand on her tiptoes. Joey continued to stare back at her and Ella's eyes beseeched him to help but all she gained in reply was a smug, callous smile. Her expression fell, all words and thoughts of imploring him to come to her aid dashed and dead, she knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was willing to leave her here to perish and what was more he didn't care…


	28. Chapter 28

Ella jerked awake with a violent start; her breaths came in shallow gasps as her eyes wildly took in her surroundings. She was in the small bedroom in Crow Town, Joey still slept deeply beside her and she cursed lightly under her breath at the unnerving dream but at the same time was silently thankful that she had not awoken Joey. She slowly sat up, wiping her hand across her brow, trying to rid herself of the clinging feeling of dread that held a clammy grasp over her, the aftermath left over from her nightmare. It was only a moment before she realized with a sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach that the abrupt movement had in fact disturbed the man slumbering beside her, he sighed sleepily and then his eyes opened to slits, the deep blue of his irises shining in the golden sunlight. He cleared his throat lightly, his eyes taking in her back and position.

"What is wrong?" His voice was soft and still coated in the dew of sleep.

Ella found that her body was shaking slightly in the after effect of her ordeal and although she bitterly wished for some kind of consoling she did not feel as if she could answer nor ask for succor, not from him. He had no right to know the darkest part of her, the fears and regrets that clawed at her insides and yet she harshly wished she could wrap her arms about his powerful shoulders and breath in the scent of comfort and love she could perhaps once again fool her soul he had in relation to her. But she knew confessing any of her weaknesses to Joey now felt like something she could never do again, not after the occurrences of the day before. Finally, knowing she must tell him something, she licked her dry lips.

"It was just a bad dream." She said as casually as she could, her tone a little icy.

She felt his hands slide up her arms and flinched at the contact; he gently pulled her back down beside him and nuzzled into her shoulder kissing her skin tenderly.

"Dreams cannot harm you" he said lazily.

Ella stiffened slightly under his touch, her mind racing as to why he was acting as if yesterday had not happened, his manner was gentle and warm, his soft mouth traveling sweetly across her flesh, the aim to please and ease her fears. His lips slowly moved to her neck and then her cheek leaving soft wet kisses in their wake before nipping playfully at the lobe of her ear.

"Let me chase your fears away" he breathed huskily.

Ella felt her mind giving way to pleasure and tried to fight it, tried to hang on to the feelings of regret, resentment and hatred that had consumed her only a few hours before. He had hurt her and forced her to play his power games, she knew she should be recoiling from his touch - that the very thought of his hands upon her should make her feel sick to the pit of her stomach in the same way Dave had made her feel… But with growing disgust at herself Ella came to realize that despite all he had done she still desired him, still wanted him. Each thought was like a searing blow to her mind, she wanted to cry out, to shake herself and see the common sense that she always relied on so heavily, that she prided herself upon… but when it came to Joey Garza it all seemed to desert her and leave nothing but inconsolable longing… She detested herself for it and yet she could do nothing else but give in. She fought silently within as his caresses continued and tried to reason with herself why she was allowing him, why after everything? She clutched fruitlessly for any reason that would make her feel at ease and settled upon the fact that he may force her once more if she resisted… it wasn't true and deep down in herself Ella knew she was just conjuring excuses. Joey's lips brushed hers softly, barely touching before he again moved forward, his lips once again connecting lightly with her own, but this time in a soft kiss. His mouth worked, bringing out deep feelings of pleasure from within Ella's body, she allowed her mind to become defenseless against him as his kiss continued, his tongue nudging her lips apart and slipping into her mouth, dipping lightly against her own tongue, tasting her. She breathed in the desire that was building around them, enjoying the feel of his heated lips upon hers, reveling in the sensation of the slight pressure of his body as he shifted his position and pressed against her.

Joey broke their kiss and travelled once again down her neck and continued to her collarbone, lingering a moment upon the exposed skin before his fingers skillfully began to unlace her chemise. He slipped a warm hand underneath the material, splaying his fingers to fully enclose her breast. He kneaded the smooth mound tenderly, his thumb brushing the sensitive skin, bringing it to a hard peak. His mouth took over, his lips pressing gently, his tongue flicking out over already responsive flesh, heightening the arousal she felt. Joey laid kisses down her chest and along her stomach. Ella pressed her lips together at the new experience, she could not remember Joey ever paying her this much attention before, she tried to think, to understand but the sensations would not allow her to and she closed her eyes. His kisses did not abate but continued until his lips pressed against the material of her pantaloons, he gently and hurriedly untied the drawstring tie at her waist and eased the clothing over her hips and past her feet, discarding it upon the floor. Joey pressed soft kisses to her thighs, his exploration slow as if taking in every inch of her; he let his bottom lip tease the thin skin upon her inner thighs before again laying kisses against her. With a slow gentle movement he parted her legs and again his warm mouth found her body. Ella gave a jerk of surprise as his tongue found the sensitive place between her legs; she bucked slightly at the sensation, her hands gripping wildly at the covers as he flicked over her, sending little electric shocks shooting up her spine at the contact. He probed further, deeper, bringing her to the edge and then each time pulling back leaving her aching and wanting, her breaths harsh and wanton to her ears.

Finally he released her from the beautiful torment and slowly worked his way back up her body, his lips meeting hers once again in a hungry kiss that signified he too was having trouble keeping his composure. Feeling his lust pressing against her thigh, Ella tentatively placed her hands on his chest, Joey responded by pressing his body more firmly against her, his actions telling her he wanted to feel her touch. She opened herself to him and without breaking their kiss Joey slipped gently inside, his thrust slow and deliberate. Ella let out a cry of pure pleasure at the sensation but it was swallowed in the passion of their kiss. They moved together, their minds lost in desire and longing. Ella knew that once this moment was over she'd despise herself for giving in, for letting him be with her after everything and she knew she'd trust him no more… But still, in this moment she was free to love him as much as she wished and as their kiss broke and Joey looked down at her, his blue eyes glinting with need, she knew he too was free and in this small space of time he did love her with all the soul he had.

They collapsed, physically spent and emotionally satisfied from their love making. Their breaths came in heavy gasps as each of their bodies tremored at the conclusion of their meeting. They stayed entwined in each other for what seemed to Ella a long time, her nerves and muscles gave twitches and pangs of pleasure as they slowly recovered. Joey pressed his brow against her shoulder regaining his own senses from the unbidden place they had just been released to. Ella knew he was gathering his thoughts and it would not be long until Joey would return to his cool, calm mask with the burning anger lingering dangerously behind his eyes.

As if he had sensed her thoughts he slowly moved his head, his hair hung in his face hiding his eyes, and he pulled away gently with a low groan as the last part of pleasure left him. He rose from the bed and walked over to the wash stand where he splashed some cool water upon his face. Ella watched him, knowing it was all over, that the blissful moment could never last any longer than this. She was suddenly conscious that her eyes ached with tears pleading to be shed, but she commanded them back, she would not cry again, not over this, she would not allow herself to. Ella sank back under the covers, the blanket shielding her naked body. She reached down onto the floor and picked up her under clothing and struggled for a moment as she pulled them back on, once she had finished her task she pulled the covers further around herself and turned onto her side. She would sleep for now and think later, this moment she wanted to keep as a good memory.

---

The sound of a sharp knock awoke Ella from a pleasant enough dream. She opened her eyes and saw that the sun was still shining; it could not yet be past four o'clock. She blinked, dispelling the sleep and focused her attention upon the sounds of someone opening the door at the front of the house.

"I am Senora Garza, is my son here?"

Ella's eyes opened fully at the sound of the familiar voice, her heart leaping into her throat. For a moment she didn't dare believe what she had heard and she strained her hearing trying to listen, at the same time avoiding waking a sleeping Joey beside her.

"He's here but he ain't awake." It was Beulah's voice that replied.

"Wake him; tell him his mother is here." Maria sounded defiant and authority rung clearly in her tone.

A pause of nervous silence followed. "You can come in," Beulah said finally, "but I ain't gonna wake him up. He don't like it when people wake him up."

The door was closed and footsteps came quickly over to the room, Ella's eyes fixed upon the doorway and within a short time Maria pulled back the curtain and walked in. At the sight of her friend Ella's eyes over brimmed with tears and she could do nothing to stop them falling. Maria stared at her a moment the stern look she had been wearing for everyone in Crow Town fell and she looked upon the young, emotionally exhausted girl before her with kind eyes and a heart full of pity.

"Ella" she breathed, her young friend's pallid appearance shocking her for a moment.

Ella wiped at her tears and nodded as if confirming it was indeed her.

"You look sick" Maria said, her voice verging upon being both concerned and scolding.

"I'm okay" Ella managed to croak.

"This place would make anyone sick" Maria commented, casting a disdainful eye over the room. "I do not have time to talk" Maria said as if suddenly remembering something important. "I must wake Joey, Call is coming."

Ella's eyes widened and she glanced down at Joey; he was deep in slumber, his features taking on the quality of innocence. She noticed that Maria too had seen this, her dark eyes softened as she looked down at her son, their depths flickering with something akin to hope, she closed her eyes and upon opening them she shook Joey gently.

"Joey!" She shook him again, harder. "Wake up, wake up! You must leave here!"

Joey gave a low groan and his eyes opened sleepily, focusing his gaze upon Maria.

"Mama?" he questioned, his tone surprised and coated in the remains of a deep sleep, he gave a low grunt as he moved his position, the harshness lost, to Ella he sounded like a young boy. "Will you wash my clothes? These girls they don't know how to do it."

Maria almost smiled at her son's request but she pulled herself back quickly. "We don't have time to do the laundry" she said, her voice verging upon panic. "Captain Call is coming."

Joey's eyes fell upon her face once again, taking in her features. He gave a slight frown as if only just seeing her fully.

"I want you to do my laundry." His tone was already taking on the curt and angry edge that he so often directed at his mother. He pulled himself into a sitting position as Ella looked on, wishing harshly that she was not pinned between the wall and Joey - she knew where this was leading.

"He _will_ kill you Joey, like he killed your grandfather and your uncles. I do not want him to kill you!" Maria's face bore a look of pleading, begging her eldest son to listen to her words.

Joey covered his face with cupped hands, pressing his fingertips lightly into the corners of his eyes as he came fully into wakefulness. Maria studied his face and as he removed his hands, his eyes remained closed and then he drew in a frustrated breath and opened them slowly. Cool, deep blue eyes focused their attention fully upon her - gazing into their bottomless, cold depths, full of contempt, the small flicker of hope Maria had been carrying blew away to nothing.

"This is my room" he declared, his voice even but tinged by annoyance. "I don't like women in here unless I invite them." He paused, "Vaya largata!"

Maria's face contorted and her hand lashed out, connecting with a harsh slap against his cheek, Ella knew from the sheer determined look upon the older woman's face that she had put all her strength behind it.

"Do not talk to me like that, I am your mother."

Ella saw surprise register within Joey's features, something that rarely happened, she pushed herself against the wall, her heart already beating hard, waiting for the explosion. Maria got up suddenly from the bed, her agitation heightened.

"Get up!" she commanded. "Get up and leave!"

Joey turned towards her, his callous gaze taking her in as she spoke heatedly.

"They have sent the great killer after you!" she continued, trying to stir some kind of emotion from her son who continued to watch her calmly, his eyes glowing with steady anger. "Go to Mexico, down into the Sierras and go quickly or you're dead!" she finished, shouting out the last word, hoping it would scare her son into responding in the way she wished.

His calm mask melted away within a split second, replaced by bubbling anger and harsh contempt for the woman before him, he pulled the covers violently from himself and got to his feet, his jaw set.

"You leave" he said lowly, his tone threatening. He advanced quickly upon her in certain steps, lunging towards her in one swift movement. "You are a stupid woman!" His tone was raised and forceful. Ella saw Maria raise her hand ready to defend herself, her eyes were defiant but her body posture said all too plainly she feared her son. "You've ridden all this way just to tell me what I already know." He turned from her as if the mere sight of her face disgusted him. He walked to the washstand, pulling up his drawers briefly before he flung up his hand in exasperation. "I know about Captain Call!" He picked up a wash rag and wrung it out, taking up the task with rough movements that betrayed the amount of irritation running through him at his mother's words. "I'm not running from an old gringo." He regained his normal calm tone back as Maria stepped forward, Joey moved his hair out of the way with brisk strokes and began to dab his face with the wet cloth.

"Then you are dead if you think that way!" Maria hissed, her own anger beginning to boil; she took in a deep breath, pulling herself back. "I will go home and tell your brother and your sister that you are dead." Her voice was again even and she made for the door.

"You'll be lying" Joey said, stopping her steps. "I will not die!" he said through gritted teeth, his eyes looking at her through the reflection of the mirror he stood in front of. "Call will die." He gave a certain nod as if reaffirming the idea within his mind. "Even before he knows his death is coming!" He wrung the cloth violently in his hand, "Tu Veras." His teeth clenched together and he threw the wash rag down into the bowl. Maria did not look back at him but quickly departed from the room as if she could not stand another moment in his presence.

Ella glanced at him; Joey gave one rough shake of his hands, dispelling any remaining drops of water before he smoothed his palms across his face. He breathed in deeply, regaining back the control his anger had made him lose for a moment and looked at himself in the mirror. His lips were a tight line and behind his eyes lay something that to Ella looked like he was thinking deeply, perhaps heeding his mother's words after all.

Ella rose quickly and not bothering to dress herself, she went after Maria not giving Joey any chance to protest. Maria had nearly reached the main door; she had opened it and stepped outside before Ella called out to her.

"Maria…" she came and stood in the doorway.

"Ella," Maria replied, turning, "I must find someone that will make him leave. Is there anyone that can make him leave Ella?" she asked, her words still full of the frustrated emotion Joey had caused.

Ella glanced back in before closing the door, hoping this was enough to muffle their voices. "John Wesley Hardin maybe" she said in a low voice. "He's killed over fifty men they say." She paused, "I think Joey likes him."

The door behind them opened and Ella started but it was only Beulah who had come to see what the commotion was about.

"John Wesley might be able to help," Beulah put in. "Course he's crazy, he's apt t' kill anybody when he's in the mood."

"Where is this man?" Maria asked, her bravado returning.

"He's in the saloon, he never sleeps" Beulah said, glancing behind Maria to the old cantina. "You'll be takin' more than your life in your hands if you go in that saloon alone." She paused, "There's rough men in this town, in fact there's none that ain't rough."

Maria huffed a sour laugh. "They will not be the first rough men I have seen."

Ella caught Maria's arm. "Let me go with you" she said, her eyes saying she meant more than just down to the saloon.

"No chica" Maria said with a warm smile. "Stay with my son." She paused, "Have your belongings packed when I return and we will ride back together, my horse can take two."

Ella's face lit up in a grin at the words and she nodded eagerly. "Just be careful Maria!" she called after the older woman as she began to make her way to the saloon, she paused and turned back, going to her horse that was tethered next to Joey's, she pulled out a handgun and continued on her way.


	29. Chapter 29

Ella wandered back into the house, her heart felt light as if a great burden had been lifted from it; she smiled to herself as she closed the door behind her.

"I hope she'll be alright" Beulah said, glancing at the two other women in the room. "John Wesley is a dangerous man."

Ella gave her a reassuring smile. "You don't know Maria, she could whip them all I'm sure of it."

"I hope you're right" Beulah mumbled. "Do you want some coffee?"

"No thanks," Ella said, glancing towards the bedroom, "there's no time, I gotta be ready when Maria gets back."

"He ain't gonna be happy" Beulah said, following Ella's gaze.

"He don't get a say" Ella said stiffly, Maria's strong will inspiring her to not back down.

Without turning to look at the older woman beside her Ella made her way to the back bedroom, closing the curtain as she entered. She turned and was surprised to see Joey already dressed; he glanced at her before gathering up her clothes and throwing them towards her. Ella caught them, her gaze once again returning to his face, confusion furrowing her brow.

"Get dressed quickly" Joey said, his cool, calm tone not faltering.

Ella obeyed, not wishing to stand around in her underclothes any longer. She quickly pulled her corset around herself and tightened it expertly; the many years of performing the task alone made it a quick and easy chore. She swiftly buttoned her corset cover and pulled on her petticoat before dressing herself in her final layer of a cotton skirt and blouse. She tucked the blouse into the band of her skirt and twisted her hair into a loose ponytail before returning her eyes to Joey who was gathering the rest of their belongings.

"Where are you goin'?" she questioned.

Joey glanced up as he slung his rifle over his shoulder. "We are leaving here."

Ella furrowed her brow, "Because of Call? But you said…"

"Suficiente!" Joey exclaimed, his eyes blazed, daring her to say the words she was about to speak, that he was doing just as his mother suggested, he turned from her, checking his last few belongings.

Ella bit back the words but she felt her own resolve harden. "I'm not goin', I'm goin' to travel back with Maria."

Joey spun around his look twisted with anger, his lips no more than a disgusted snarl. "You will come with me!" He paused and with gritted teeth pointed his finger to the empty space before him. "Ven aqui!"

Ella shook her head. "No," she said quietly, "I don't want to go with you." She paused, her eyes finding his, their depths silently telling him this hurt her more than she would ever admit, that leaving him was wrenching her apart and what had been done could never be undone no matter how many sweet kisses he laid upon her skin. "It's over." She breathed the words in a sorrowful sigh, glad to say to them and glad it was done.

They continued to stare at each other, after a few moments Joey walked slowly over to her, all traces of anger gone, replaced by a callous smugness that only revealed itself in his eyes.

"Help me with my bag to my horse" he commanded.

Ella's lips parted in surprise, it had been so easy. Her heart ached a little at the realization of his acceptance, that he was not going to fight her as she had expected, but she was also gladdened, it would be less painful for them both this way, to just let go and freefall to wherever the future took them. She watched after him a moment as he exited the room, she felt near sick at the feeling that she would never hold him again, that it was indeed just as she had said… over. But the lightness in her soul beckoned for her to see that things would be so much better now, that she could finally have her own life with no man to rely on or hurt her, only herself, the thought frightened and thrilled her.

She followed him out, giving the three women a warm smile. "I'll be back" she said, and continued out of the door. She found Joey tying the saddle bags onto Maria's horse and frowned at his actions.

"What are you doing?"

Joey did not look at her. "I will need another horse" he stated casually.

"You can't just take Maria's!" She took a few more steps forward until she was only a few feet from him. "We both need it to get back to the village." She stared at him a moment as he ignored her words. "You can't take it." She repeated.

"I do not care what my mother does." His tone was simple and unconcerned.

"But… Joey…" she began, her intent to talk some sense into him but her eye was caught by a flash of cream coloured material edged with lace poking out of one of the bags, she instantly knew it as one of her blouses, she opened the bag - studying the contents. "This is my clothing."

Joey turned to her and with a look of contempt brushed her hand away and buckled the bag closed once again.

"You can't just take my clothes!" she declared.

Joey turned to her; he closed his eyes in that familiar way that stated she was beginning to annoy him. "I am not taking your clothes."

Ella stared at him for a short moment, understanding coming in a wave.

"I said I wasn't goin'!" she said, taking a small step backwards. Before she could say or do anymore Joey had lunged forward, his hand enclosing her wrist and with a sharp tug he pulled her forward.

"Get on the horse" Joey instructed, his eyes unemotional.

Ella locked her eyes with his, defiance shining.

"Ahora!" Joey said, giving her another sharp tug towards the horse. Ella remained silent and still, refusing to do as he wished, trying to hold on to her strength and pride.

Without another word spoken between them Joey lifted her up, she struggled against him but he was easily able to place her in the saddle and force her to sit astride.

"If you get down I will beat you, Comprende?"

Ella stared down at him, her eyes smoldering with hostility, still she gave him a curt nod that she understood. Joey glanced at her before swinging himself into his own saddle. He reached back and took Ella's reins from her, leaving her only the saddle horn as support and with a swift kick to his animal's sides he began to lead them out of Crow Town.

Ella looked towards the saloon, her heart beating in soft thuds within her chest as she bitterly prayed that Maria would emerge, she thought about shouting, trying to grab Maria's attention but she knew over the dull, constant caw of crows her voice would be lost. Although she did not think Maria could stop Joey now they were both on horseback she knew that seeing her friend's face would at least give her courage, but the door to the run-down building remained closed. Ella noticed that the great pig was lying in the road, motionless, she instantly knew it was dead and distractedly wondered what had happened to it.

---

They travelled for many hours, the hot sun upon their backs. Ella found that out in the plains time had no real meaning, she sagged in the saddle, the heat feeling as if it were a great weight upon her shoulders. Her thoughts constantly drifted back to Maria, alone in that awful, lawless town. She had no horse, no protection apart from the old pistol she'd taken with her. Ella couldn't help feeling guilty, that it was somehow her fault Joey had left his mother abandoned to the likes of Hardin, if only she'd fought harder against Joey, if only… but Ella knew it was doubtful even Maria and herself could have overpowered Joey alone without sustaining some kind of injury and she wasn't giving Maria enough credit, she would know exactly how to get herself back home and avoid any 'bad' men.

She watched Joey as he led her horse, she was acutely aware that he had not looked back at her since Crow Town, she had even begun to wonder if he had forgotten she was there at all, but of course she knew he hadn't. Joey was well aware of everything around him even if it didn't appear he was paying attention. Ella studied his back, the outline of his body against the bright sky, and wiped distractedly at her damp brow, wondering when he would decide they should stop and when she would finally know why he wanted her with him, was it just the plain fact that he refused to let her return to Maria, was his hatred for his mother that deep and warped? Ella didn't think she'd ever discover how Joey's mind worked. His posture in the saddle looked so cocky and self assured, she knew he thought he knew everything, that his pride ruled him to the point that he was convinced he was near invincible, that he would never make a mistake and would always be the one to draw first, would always be the man to walk away unharmed while the other lay dead in his wrathful wake… Ella silently wondered what would happen the day he found out that death had a place for all of them and that everyone felt its icy hand gripping at their hearts, she found that she worried his death would come sooner rather than later. The thought was like a strange frozen rain dripping down her back and making her shiver in dread, even though she was determined she would now leave him when the opening presented itself she still loved him, more dearly and passionately than she would love anyone. How she knew this fact she did not know but she did know there would be no one else like Joey Garza, no one that made her blood run faster at the mere mention of his name, that consumed her thoughts and made her want to stay in his arms despite all his cruelty, all his anger… Ella knew she would not have tolerated this treatment from anyone else and it damaged her pride beyond repair to know he had such a fierce hold over her… but still the thought of losing him was unbearable, of knowing she would never see him again… She prayed silently to God or whoever would listen that for now Joey's confidence would win out and he would be the better man. 'Love' she mulled over the word she had just used inside her mind…love…it seemed a strange phrase to use in relation to Joey, love was meant to be sweet and romantic, caring and forgiving, Joey was none of these things. Perhaps love was not the right word…but if there was a correct term Ella could not think of it.

They stopped briefly to water the horses at a nearby stream. Joey passed Ella a canteen of water and she drank long and hard, the coolness of the liquid easing her dry throat from the many hours of breathing in dust. She glanced at him as his eyes scanned the surroundings.

"Where are we goin'?" she finally ventured.

Joey cast a lazy look towards her. "There is a town not far from here, we will sleep there."

Ella furrowed her brow, knowing this did not answer her question but also fully aware she would get no more out of him, he was distracted as if he expected an ambush at any moment.

"Do you think Call has found our trail?" Ella couldn't help feeling nervous. Would these lawmen even care the man they hunted had an unwilling captive with him or would the deadly bullets fly regardless? She shivered at the thought of cold metal burrowing into flesh and wondered what it would feel like…cutting her finger with a sharp knife or a pain so intense that no one could explain it…the morbid thoughts seemed to close in around her.

Joey glanced at her, his eyes cold, edged with annoyance. "No, he will just be leaving Ojinaga, he will have gone there expecting to catch me at my mother's house." He gave a smug smile as if he thought the man he spoke of was a fool. "He will not find my trail… but perhaps he will visit Judge Roy Bean." He paused as if he would say more but remained silent.

"How do you know?" Ella asked, curious as to how he seemed so certain.

"The gringo old killer, Hardin told me many things and I listened, he likes the sound of his own voice." He again cast a wary eye over the plains. "Call knows Judge Roy Bean well… I plan to go there soon but first I will watch and see this man they call the 'Great Killer'."

Ella studied his face. "Your ma told me that he only kills for money."

"Si."

"That Indian tracker that Hardin talked of a while back, Famous Shoes… he said you should kill him."

"Famous Shoes is an old man, I do not fear him."

"Hardin seemed to think you should, is he a great tracker?"

Joey nodded, his eyes narrowing as if her voice was beginning to grate upon his nerves.

"Then… maybe you should kill him Joey." She tentatively placed a hand upon his arm. "If Call can't find you, he can't kill…"

"He will not kill me!" Joey said shaking her touch from him, his tone stating that the conversation had gone too far. "Tu Veras, he will not get the chance, he is an old man and slow… He will not see me before it is too late."

Ella nodded, knowing to say more would only end up in an unpleasant ride for both of them if they were sore with each other. They mounted their horses and set off once again.

It was just as the sun was beginning to set that a town came into sight, it was smaller than Crow Town with fewer buildings. As they came closer Ella saw that it was an old boom town, one that had fallen into decay after the rush had been and gone. There was a small badly constructed saloon with a whore house above it and a few scattered houses, many of them looked empty and dilapidated. Joey guided both horses to the saloon before gracefully swinging himself down from the saddle and wrapping the reins around a tethering post.

Ella slipped down from her mount and gave her sore behind a rub, bringing life back into her numb flesh. She glanced up at the saloon and then at Joey.

"We stayin' here?" she asked unsurely.

Joey did not answer but gathered the belongings from the two horses and passed Ella her share before ascending the few wooden steps and entering the place. Ella followed, mumbling under her breath that perhaps Crow Town had been better than a whore house; these places brought nothing but bad memories flooding back to her.

She entered the dusty, small, one roomed place and glanced around it. It was thankfully near empty, two men sat slumped at a table, a finished bottle of whiskey lying on its side near them. A man behind the bar looked up as they entered.

"What do you want?" he asked squinting at them through the gloom of the badly lit room.

"Una habitación Lino" Joey said, not looking at the man. From Joey's tone Ella was instantly aware he knew this barman.

"Joey!" the man exclaimed. "It has been a long time! Katia has missed you."

Joey cast a cold, icy look at the man telling him his greeting was not welcome or wanted.

"We have a room, here." He tossed a key towards Joey. "The old spare one, left at the top of the stairs, you know the way." He glanced at Ella, "It isn't used by my girls senorita." He winked and Ella felt her gut recoil, just by looking at him she could tell his type, she knew he most likely beat his girls and raped them whenever he felt like it.

Joey did not say another word to the man but began to make his way up the stairs, Ella slowly followed, her gut not shaking the sinking, sick feeling that had bubbled within it just after the man began to talk. With disgust at herself she soon came to see that it was the man's words that had upset her more than knowing his type… Joey had been here before and from the sounds of it often, Ella felt a harsh pang of jealousy clutch at her and closed her eyes willing it away.


	30. Chapter 30

The room was small with only an old looking bed, a table and one chair. Upon the table was a bowl for washing but the rest of the dingy room was bare. Joey strolled in, not even glancing at his new surroundings as if he had seen this room many times before and again Ella felt that unpleasant pang of jealously. She quickly walked over to the bed and let the bags and other items she had been carrying fall gently onto it, the action distracting her for a small time. She watched Joey for a moment as he took off his hat, gloves and poncho, laying them all carefully upon the table, before starting to remove his gun belt.

Ella wandered over to the small dirt smeared window at the end of the room and glanced out onto the darkening street below. She distractedly ran her fingers through her hair, shaking some of the plains sand from the tangles. In the town below all seemed quiet, she could see no one. She knew that would change once darkness set in, men would come flocking to the saloon for drink and pleasure, she'd seen these kinds of places before.

She felt regret rising within her like foul bile. She was trapped, no way of escape and even if there was Ella knew she was miles away from anything she knew. She felt reluctance to take that step into danger although her subconscious screamed at her that she was fully in the grasp of danger already. What did any of it matter anyway, she gave a small, heavy sigh. Her eyes still gazed across the street but saw nothing, the thought of what would become of her now…she didn't want to dwell on it. But Ella knew only too well that the fear for the man she now travelled with had nested within her mind. She hated him and wanted him, she couldn't understand how anyone could feel two such strong emotions for one person.

She jumped slightly as Joey rested a hand upon her shoulder, the shock shaking her from her deep thoughts and returning her to the current situation. She felt him slip a hand around her middle and his lips pressed against the exposed skin of her neck. Ella tried to push away the small thrill the contact sent shooting through her body. She stiffened, not wanting to give in this time.

"How long are we goin' to stay here?" she asked, wanting to make him stop without angering him.

"A night" Joey said in-between kisses.

"You been here before then?" She knew her voice sounded far too stiff for such a simple question.

"When I was younger" Joey said, for once humoring her.

"How young?"

Joey furrowed his brow and pulled away a little, his eyes hinting with irritation. "Why does it matter?" His tone was lazy but Ella knew he was quickly becoming annoyed.

"It doesn't." Ella held no conviction to the statement.

"You are jealous" Joey huffed and pulled fully away from her, busying himself with sorting through a bag.

"I ain't jealous!" She was aware she sounded like a whining child that could not get its own way.

Joey glanced at her his deep blue eyes glinting slightly with cruel amusement. "It would not make you angry to hear I have been here many times then?" He wore his smug smirk. "I even had a favorite girl."

Ella continued to look out of the window, now more annoyed that he was trying to rile her, she remained silent.

She heard his footfalls cross the floor accompanied by the jingle of spurs, he came to a stop a foot or so behind her. Joey leaned forward, his lips brushed delicately against her ear making her shiver at the contact despite herself.

"I think she still works here."

Ella set her jaw, trying to control her anger, knowing that he was just playing a cruel game with her, but it was a useless battle and as so often happened, her anger won through. She spun around, her dark eyes blazing with burning temper.

"Well why don't ya just go find which room she's in and bed down with her!"

Joey studied her, his smug smile not moving from the corner of his mouth.

"You are jealous" he stated again.

Ella gave a huff of annoyance and turned back towards the window. She felt Joey move closer, his hands snaked around her hips, molding his palms to the outline of them. He kissed her neck softly once more, nipping lightly at the skin at the curve leading to her shoulder. Ella closed her eyes as the anger was forcibly wrenched away as Joey worked his power on her mind and body once again. She felt his hands grasping at the folds of her skirts, pulling them upwards to allow his hand access to the split in her pantaloons. His gentle nips became lingering bites as his fingers sought forwards and upwards, roughly moving back and forth with carnal need, bringing harsh gasps from her. Ella's head lolled backwards onto his chest, her hand came back to caress his cheek, her fingers ran through his hair, feeling its softness, every texture seemed to heighten the passion she already felt.

Ella allowed herself to be swept away easily. What did any of it matter anyway, nothing mattered… she was trapped by her own actions and thoughts, it wasn't Joey who kept her bound to this. She knew it was the truth, somewhere deep inside her, that she could make it stop if she wanted… but it was easier to just allow the freefall to continue.

Joey removed his fingers and pulled her around to face him, his mouth sought hers in a violent, needy kiss - the force of it carrying them back until Ella felt the wall against her back. Her fingers wrestled with the buttons on his shirt and fumbled clumsily as her whole body began to tremor with need, she soon abandoned the chore, it would take too long and the waiting was unbearable, she focused her attention instead upon his belt and after a moment he was free of some of his clothing. Using the wall behind her as leverage she helped him guide her onto his hips and in one swift thrust they were connected once again in that blissful way that gave them both a long moment of contentment. Ella clutched at his shoulders as he thrust upwards, their eyes connected and held. She adored looking at him in these moments, his eyes lost all anger, all cruelty… he was just her Joey now. She caressed his smooth cheek and watched in heightened pleasure as his lips parted in breathless gasps caused by the sensation of being inside her, of being hers… Supporting her Joey guided them over to the bed where they reclined back and enjoyed the moments and waves of emotion that came with the near explosive bliss, it was a small moment and it passed all too quickly but Ella knew in some aspects they both lived for those small glimpses of true happiness.

---

Ella lay awake as Joey slept beside her, his arm was casually wrapped around her middle, his body pressed lightly against her back. She vaguely guessed that it was near dawn, they had been awake for many hours, wrapped in each other's arms before the need would wash over them once again and they would satisfy the craving with heated touches and soft caresses, bringing each other to the brink and giving the last push over the edge.

Now all was quiet, the passion finally appeased, leaving them exhausted and emotionally spent. But Ella found she could not sleep, even though her body and mind cried out for rest. She lightly touched the back of Joey's hand, her thoughts wandering in the darkness. She knew she would have to leave him soon, she could not go on like this - this life was too much. No matter how she tried to justify his actions she knew that Joey would never change, that no amount of love would break the barrier he had surrounded himself in, sweet words and promises meant nothing… inside he was broken and she could not fix him. Perhaps she had always known this fact, after all if Maria had not been able to get through to him who was she to think she could fare better. She slowly became aware that this would be the last night they would spend like this, it seemed like a strange thing to be so certain of, after all no one could see into the future but Ella knew in her gut that they would never lie beside each other like this again and as the dawning awareness washed over her Ella felt as if her heart would break from the pressure.

---

They were risen and dressed before mid-day, they packed up their belongings and ventured downstairs. The bar was once again near empty, Ella noticed a few of the girls who must work there were enjoying a late morning meal. Joey ordered them a simple beef broth and a good tot of whiskey each. They ate heartily, the food and drink bringing renewed vigor into Ella's body. She glanced around the room and quickly noticed a woman staring unashamedly their way… or rather right at Joey. Ella knew instantly that this must have been Joey's 'favorite' girl when he frequented this place. She was Mexican, pretty, taller than Joey by a good few inches and quite plump, the added weight giving a pleasant curve to her figure. Her brown eyes continued to watch Joey, her expression stating for all to see that she wished for him to glance her way just once, to acknowledge he knew her… Ella wondered if he had this effect on all women or just gullible ones like herself and this dove. She knew if she was in this girl's place she would be doing the same thing, looking towards the near unattainable man sitting mere feet away, wishing for a scrap to be thrown her way… The thought made Ella feel sick and she glanced at Joey, silently pondering when he would decide to cast her aside and ignore any hint of her presence as he now seemed to be doing to poor Katia. But then such thoughts didn't matter as Ella had no intention of staying long enough to find out.

---

They were mounted soon after they finished their meal, the town was left behind and the plains once again spread out before them. The travel was silent and Ella once again felt as if her presence had been forgotten as indeed perhaps it had. Joey only seemed to take any notice of her when he wanted something from her. She was slightly surprised to find she didn't really care…it was as if something had snapped deep inside her and the only thing connecting them now was lying together and the seeming addiction they both had to each other, like an old drunkard and his whiskey bottle…Ella had no intention of ever taking another swig if she could help it, she didn't want to feel that way again, the regret far outweighed the pleasure.

Ella and Joey spent one night out under the stars before moving on once more and just after mid-day coming to at a sheltered clump of rocks by a small but dry cave. They dismounted and Joey sorted out what belongings he needed, he pulled out his spyglass and slinging his rifle upon his shoulder he climbed nimbly to the top of the cave, giving himself a good vantage point. Ella tethered the horses to a nearby bush and waited in the shade.

Joey enjoyed the warm sun upon his back for a moment before he pulled the spyglass out to its full extended length and raised it to his eye. After searching briefly in the direction he knew he wished to look he located the small homestead. He took in all the outbuildings and studied all escape routes; his mind settled upon a disused looking barn, this place was perfect for his needs. He turned his attention back to the main house and just as he had expected, there was the posse that was meant to be tracking him. He looked at each fool in turn, enjoying the ripple of power at the knowledge that they did not even know their quarry was watching them right at this moment, that he had already out smarted them; his lips curved into a smile. He studied the men, he knew instantly that the fat man with a long bushy beard was Judge Roy Bean; he acted as if he owned the house and all the land around with the way he moved. A young man was making his way inside eager for a drink, he had a badge, perhaps he was one of the deputies… to Joey he looked like he wouldn't know which way to hold a rifle never mind go chasing after a bandit like himself. A stuffy, portly man with thinning hair and round spectacles looked even more out of place than the young man, he looked like a gentleman from the north and Joey's smirk widened at the thought, what use could this man be to a posse… Joey recognized the old Indian man with them, it was the tracker Famous Shoes, so he was working for Call. This fact was slightly annoying but Joey did not dwell upon the matter as his attention was caught by someone else, another face he knew - if only briefly. He studied the man closely, watching as he removed his hat, revealing the shaggy head of blonde hair… Joey glanced down to where he knew Ella awaited before pursing his lips and returning his gaze back to the men. But his attention was quickly caught and there was Woodrow Call himself, the great killer. Joey hadn't quite known what to expect but it was certainly not this, the man was large, broad-chested and strong looking but he was old, very old… When he walked his legs appeared to hold a stiffness to them, he was no longer at his best, of that Joey could be sure. Finally feeling he had seen enough he collapsed his spyglass back to its compact state and began to make his way back down.

---

It seemed Joey had been gone for quite some time but Ella soon heard the sound of him descending down back to the ground. He placed his spyglass back into his saddle bag and began checking his rifle bullets and other items as if preparing for something important.

"What were you looking for?" Ella asked, her brow furrowing.

"Call and his men are not far" Joey replied matter-of-factly, no concern in his tone.

"Call!" Ella breathed. "Well shouldn't we move on?"

Joey shook his head slowly. "I am going to kill the old man and all that ride with him." He gave a smug smirk. "But first I will make him look bad, a fool… I will kill Judge Roy Bean after he leaves."

Ella's eyes widened, "Why?" She paused, waiting for him to answer but he remained silent. "What's this Judge ever done t' you Joey?" She finally said hating the silence hanging around them.

"Nada, I told the old killer, Hardin, I would kill him for sport… I will."

"But… if he isn't a threat…"

"You do not understand" Joey said lazily, his tone stating clearly that if she was so simple to not understand his motives he would not waste his time explaining them.

"No, I don't" Ella whispered, "I'm glad I don't."

Joey cast an irritated look towards her, before closing his eyes slowly and going back to the job he had set himself. Ella grabbed a blanket from her horse and huddled upon the ground, letting the soft wool warm her tired body. She knew she could not talk Joey out of killing this man and so there was no point arguing about it. If Joey wanted this Judge Roy Bean dead then he would die, she just hoped that it would at least be quick for him.


	31. Chapter 31

It was past noon before Joey again ventured back to his vantage point, leaving Ella once more waiting below. Ella found she was once again left with her own thoughts, a situation she was not comfortable with. If she didn't have to dwell upon the torrent of regrets and self pity that whirled around her mind she could cope, but as soon as she didn't have Joey to focus upon, to make sure she was only concentrating on what his next move would be, they slowly crept in around her.

She rested her hand absently upon her stomach, her palm molding to the slight curve of her abdomen. She glanced up the way Joey had gone as her mind was forced to fix upon that nagging, pulling thought that refused to let her be. What if she was carrying his child? She pulled her hand away from her stomach as if she couldn't stand to keep it there a moment longer before wiping her brow. Was Joey truly as cold as he had been that day back in Crow Town? Had he meant his violent words? Ella sighed, she didn't think she would ever understand what he felt, he kept all his emotions so tightly locked away that perhaps he himself had even forgotten what it was like to honestly feel something. But she knew this much, once she got away from him she wanted no ties, nothing to keep her bound to him, a child would not help that wish. She would get back to Maria and if she couldn't do that, she'd brave a whore house, who for a few coins would do the deed. She winced inwardly at the remembrance of what awaited her, she'd hoped she would never have to feel that again…perhaps this time she really would die from a stupid old woman and a knitting needle…. She could still taste the bitter gin on her tongue.

Ella shook herself not wanting to think upon that part of her life. It was done and she was here now, perhaps she hadn't really bettered her lot but she could turn that around, if she had the chance. She glanced up at the wisps of cloud and sighed again as her resolve faltered. Could she leave Joey? She strangely felt she owed him something, a part of herself. He broke through her walls when she'd been about to close herself off to the world after Dave's death, when she'd finished believing. He felt like sunlight burning inside her, beautiful and painful all within the same instant…

She wanted to fight back, to stop all this between them but she seemed to keep turning and running instead. Every move she made was the wrong one, each step faltered and this road was leaving her hollow. If she didn't get out she'd dry up into a husk of a person, following the only thing she could remember giving her any kind of life and then she would never get away from Joey. Ella had to admit she feared him too, she wasn't sure what he was capable of and it felt like he was just waiting for her next mistake to take out his anger on her… this wasn't a life it was a cage… Perhaps while Joey was killing this old judge, if she was alone without him near her she could make it, she could run…

She saw Joey climbing back down and patiently waited for him to walk over to her. He gave a firm nod that signaled they would move on, Ella narrowed her eyes slightly as he began to gather up his blanket.

"You don't expect me to go with you?" she said with a huffed laugh.

"Si." Joey replied simply. "I don't trust you to stay here alone."

Ella's eyes narrowed further and she was hit, like a bolt of lightning descending from the sky, with the fact that he knew her plan of leaving, that he had known all along. Just like John Wesley Hardin, Joey had the ability to easily read people, their subtle glances, body language… these things she thought she had hidden so well from him but every gesture of her own form had been betraying her from the outset, in some ways Joey knew her better than she knew herself. Ella shook the thought away, trying not to let it show that she knew she had been discovered.

"I don't want to watch a man die!" she said, her voice edged with anger.

"Then do not watch" Joey said, his tone casual.

Ella pursed her lips watching him for a moment, knowing that arguing would get her nowhere apart from perhaps forced once again onto a horse.

"Can we at least eat first?" Ella asked, wanting to stall for any small amount of time. She'd seen many men die before but it had always been a surprise to her, she'd never been privy to a murder plot beforehand.

Joey gave her an exasperated look, "If you must," he paused, "and if you are quick."

Ella set about the task, the distraction taking her mind off the unpleasant situation that lay before her. Joey had managed to purchase some bread and cheese from the decaying town they had stayed in, the bread was hard but still edible and the cheese was a good hard Mexican cheese that would keep for many weeks. She took out an old knife that Joey used for cutting food and sliced into the bread, she passed one slice over to Joey who sat upon his haunches watching her intently. Ella offered him a good chunk of cheese and glanced at him, their eyes connecting.

""Do you think…" She began slowly knowing that she was pushing the boundaries of tolerance with him. "You'll ever stop doin' this?" Perhaps it was a foolish question and indeed Ella felt like a fool for asking.

Joey took the cheese from her and bit into his bread, his deep blue eyes not leaving her face. "This?" he questioned.

"This life" Ella said, knowing that he knew exactly what she referred to.

Joey glanced up at the bright blue sky above them. "When I am dead." he said matter-of-factly.

Ella studied him, shocked a little by his blunt words.

Joey returned his gaze back to her wearing the ghost of a smirk. "Did you think I would want marriage one day…children…a good life?"

Ella's mouth fell open a little, she could not remember Joey ever being so open at least when he was sober, and she doubted it would last very long.

"These things mean nada to me."

Ella found his eyes once more with her own. "Do I mean nothin'?" She couldn't help but ask, it was a question she had always wanted answered.

Joey squinted as the sun appeared from behind a cloud, casting a warm ray of light over them both. "You," he said, avoiding looking at her, "you were not what I expected."

Ella furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

"I like being alone," he stated, "I don't like people." He paused, his eyes once again finding her face. "They annoy me."

Ella waited patiently for him to continue but he remained silent for what seemed a good while.

"You do not annoy me as much as others." He glanced away. "But you still annoy me" he added, as if tacking on the cruel words covered his own tracks.

"Why did you bring me?" Ella asked suddenly. "Do you…" She paused, knowing the question would gain no answer, it was pointless.

"I brought you because I wanted to" Joey stated as if she were simple.

Ella went back to eating her food, but she could still feel his eyes upon her, his expression was of deep thought and also vexation.

"Your husband," he said lowly, "were you married to him long?"

"Dave?" Ella asked, startled. She did not want to talk of her past, for some reason she wanted to hide what she had been from him, she wanted him to think she was a good woman. It was ridiculous - after all he was not a good man, he was what most would deem a cold blooded killer and wasn't that worse than being a whore…. Wasn't it? She glanced away, knowing he knew she was hiding something from him.

"Near on three years, though I hardly saw him, we maybe spent six months together in all that time… He drank a lot so even when he was there…. he wasn't there…" Ella's words faded, seeing Joey watching her intently.

"Why did you marry him?" He cocked his head as he voiced the question.

"I don't know!" Ella said a little too forcefully. "I was young and stupid, I didn't know better." Her own words stung her, it seemed old habits died hard, she still didn't know any better.

"Did you love him?" Joey's eyes bore into her making her feel uncomfortable.

"I thought I did" Ella whispered. "I guess love is complicated, but no I guess I didn't, I guess I was just in love with love at the time."

"And what about the other man?"

Ella's eyes jerked to his, "What man?"

"The light haired man I saw you with."

His words brought back a flurry of memories, Doc kissing her, his promises, her first meeting with Joey and where it had led, it took her a moment to answer.

"I don't know…" Ella said truthfully. "Your Ma thought I should leave with him, start a new life… but he never wrote like he promised… I guess he changed his mind, he never came to get me." She paused "I reckon I would have gone with him if he'd come back." She stared past Joey seeing into a future that could have been and couldn't help a small smile turning the corners of her mouth as she remembered Doc's smiling face.

Joey's brow knitted slightly. "Perhaps he did not want you knowing you were once his friend's."

Ella's attention was jerked painfully back to the man before her, his words were nettled and stung bitterly, it was what their purpose had been. Ella looked at him, trying to control her anger but at the same moment wondering why he wanted to wound her.

"That was low," she whispered, "there weren't any need." She glanced away, not wanting him to see just how much the words had affected her. "Besides, Doc wasn't like that."

Joey finished his meal and rose to his full height; he came to Ella's side and offered her his hand, the gesture almost akin to a peace offering. Ella glared at the outstretched gloved palm a moment before finally giving in and slipping her own hand into his grip, he aided her onto her feet. Joey pulled her to him, pressing their bodies together for a moment.

"I do not like this man, do not defend him" he said, his eyes glancing over her features.

"Doc?" Ella questioned, her face clearly showing the surprise she felt at his words. "You didn't even know him."

Ella studied his face; the side of his mouth gave a small twitch and his eyes flashed for a moment before his lips connected roughly with hers, need and passion mingled with aggression, his arms wrapped around her possessively. Ella allowed it as she always did and through the haze of lust that began to rear in her body and mind Ella wondered if he was just a little jealous.

---

They set out on their way, Joey once again leading her horse onwards. He stopped many times, bringing out his spyglass and checking if all ahead was clear and safe. Soon an old barn came into sight and Joey led them both behind it, the building offered them both cover and also gave Joey a good vantage point with his rifle. Ella chanced a small glance around the side, she could see that a small saloon, dirty and ill-kept looking was a few hundred yards ahead, a large porch was laden with tables and a few chairs and in one of these sat a large man with a rounded belly, he seemed to be dozing in the late afternoon sun, a newspaper still held in his hands. Ella retreated back into the safety the back of the building offered and watched as Joey checked his rifle, his fingers glancing over the metal in a way that made Ella shiver with remembrance of gentle caresses.

Joey glanced at her and motioned for her to stay near the ground and to watch the horses. Ella nodded that she understood and pressed her back against the cool wooden wall. Already her heart was beating hard in her chest, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut, refusing to open them until it was all over. The first shot rang out, leaving a sickening echo in her ears. A few moments of silence passed before a volley of shots were fired, she knew they weren't Joey's - they were too exact - it was the Judge trying to save himself or else angry he'd been ambushed. Two more controlled shots permeated the air, Ella became acutely aware of how different Joey's rifle sounded to the other gun she had heard, it was softer somehow, less brash... it was a strange way to think of a gun.

Within a moment Joey was beside her, pulling her to her feet and pushing Ella onto her horse. He swung himself up into his own saddle and began to lead them out.

"Is he dead?" Ella called. Joey didn't answer.

They rode at a stiff trot out into the open, towards the house. Ella's eyes widened as she saw that the Judge was not dead at all, he was badly shot up, his stomach, leg and shoulder all bore bloody wounds but he was still breathing and what was more, still fighting. He was currently trying to get an old rusted handgun to fire; he banged it in frustration upon the floor swearing harshly.

Strangely Ella felt no fear that he would get that gun to fire and even if he did she knew Joey would get off the first shot, Ella only felt pity. She glanced at the cocky man upon the horse before her, he bore even less concern than herself. She returned her attention back to the Judge who continued his torrent of abuse to no one in particular.

"Shoot dammit shoot! You rusty son-of-a-bitch!" he shouted before finally he collapsed onto his back, the gunshots too much for him to bear.

Joey didn't pause, they rode right up to the porch where he dismounted in one graceful jump before gesturing with a lazy hand that she should come down too.

"He ain't dead!" Ella whispered, her stomach lunging sickeningly as the man squirmed in pain. "Shoot him quick, he's gut shot."

Joey gave her a dry smile before taking his rawhide lariat from the saddle and walking with casual, certain steps over to the bear of a man. Joey's face bore no concern over what the Judge would do, he knew he had already won the battle; he wrapped his horse's reins around a post, securing it lightly.

"You arrogant pup, do you plan on hangin' me?!" the Judge roared.

Joey remained silent, the hint of a smirk appearing upon his lips at the man's distress.

"Joey," Ella breathed, "just shoot him, please."

Joey did not look her way, his mind was set.

"I'm the law west of the Pecos, or ain't you heard? I'm the one that hangs people 'round here. Get away from my saloon, you damn cub!" He glanced at Ella as if only just seeing her, his eyes widened slightly with surprise at seeing a woman alongside the infamous Mexican bandit. "You an' your whore, get away from my saloon!!" He said his voice growling like a bear warning an unwelcome visitor off from its cave.

Ella watched him a moment, the sick feeling not abating, in fact it was getting worse as she saw the scene before her unfold.

Joey casually slipped a noose over the Judge's head, letting it rest at his neck, ignoring the man's insults. Then he reached up, slipping the rope over a beam that was secured to the roof before walking back to his horse and tying the rope to his saddle horn.

"Cub! Whelp! That's what ya are!" The Judge cried, his breaths now sounding more forced.

Joey picked up his reins and began to lead the horse away. Ella watched in dismay and frozen shock as the slack tightened, slowly lifting the man onto his feet: he gave several gargled noises; she glanced at Joey who still walked in certain, lazy steps, his pace unhurried. The Judge began to struggle, twisting this way and that but it was all for naught, the rope would win out in the end and he knew it. He tried to dig his fingers between the rope and his neck but the look upon his face said all too well that he knew it was useless.

"Whelp of a whore!" His words were near strangled.

Ella watched in growing horror as his whole body began to shake, his feet were only a few inches from the ground, such a small amount of space, so close to the stableness of the floor and yet he was still slowly dying, her eyes widened with disgust and revulsion at what she was witnessing. Joey finally turned the horse about, wanting to watch his idea play out in full. He leant lazily against his horse's side, watching with glinting eyes, a small smile appearing on his lips. His fingers curled and twitched as if he could hardly contain his enjoyment, he let out a small breathless chuckle.

Finally the Judge's body stopped its fruitless struggle and became limp and still… he was dead. Ella watched as his great mass of a body swayed in the slight breeze, the rope let out an eerie creaking sound. Joey quickly tied off the rope, leaving Judge Roy Bean to dangle for all to see, his little warning to Call and his posse. Despite her distaste over what had just occurred Ella had to admit that Joey would shame all the men after him. He had outsmarted them and sneaked past right under their very noses, she doubted they would live such a thing down; they may even be mocked for it.

But the feeling did not last long as a new wave of sickness covered her; Ella retreated to the side of the house as Joey ripped open the shirt of Roy Bean, wanting to see the handy work he and his rifle had caused. Ella blocked out the sight with the wooden wall and pressed her hand against it, glad of the steady comfort of something solid to lean upon. She fought with the nausea a moment, pushing it back and willing herself not to vomit, but the sound of creaking rope would not abate and it did not help the queasy feeling in the slightest. Finally she managed to gain back control of her body, the sickness was dulled to a throb somewhere deep within her stomach. She touched her abdomen gingerly as if she expected something to happen upon contact.

She had had no other symptoms since Crow Town, it was true she was still late and her flow had not come but she told herself once again now was not the time to dwell upon it, it had been this late before and she had pushed all thoughts of it from her mind. She had told herself she would deal with it once she got back to Maria's and she had been heartened by the fact that she had had no other tell tale signs… but this bout of feeling sick had shook her to her very core and the worry was once again worming its way back into her mind. She silently hoped that it was just the sight of the dead body that had caused it and the fact still remained that even if she was carrying Joey's child she could do nothing about it, not in this moment…


	32. Chapter 32

Ella soon felt stable enough to come back around to the front of the saloon. Joey was inside partaking in some freshly brewed coffee the Judge must have intended for himself. Ella walked up the steps, gingerly avoiding the large body that swung gently in the wind. For some strange reason a fear that he would suddenly come back to life struggling and grasping trickled down her spine, the thought of one of his cold, fat hats curling around any part of her flesh made her skin crawl. She didn't look at Joey; she found that the task was too hard. His face had been a calm mask as always when he had murdered the Judge, his smirk the same cruel smirk he used on many occasions, but the way his fingers had curled and twitched as if he himself wished to be the rope, tightening, squeezing and strangling the life out of the man, his deep blue eyes had glinted in a strange kind of glee… Ella wondered if he looked this way every time he killed someone, if the thrill made him somehow happy. She suspected that it did, that in these moments of true power he felt akin to a god, in these moments he was free and happy. Ella knew he felt this way when they made love… perhaps that was the reason he kept her around, just like his rifle she allowed him a glimpse of true happiness if only for a brief time. Sex and death, she shivered. Ella wanted no part of either anymore.

The thoughts made the sickness that had abated rear a little once again; she didn't want to be compared to a weapon, to a lump of metal. She hurried over to where a jug of steaming coffee sat and poured herself a good mug full. She gulped a few mouthfuls in one go, the hot liquid burnt her tongue a little but the bitter sensation pushed back the nausea. She glanced over at Joey, he had his back to her and she felt she could deal with his presence for now as long as she didn't have to look into his cold eyes, to see in their depths that she meant nothing more than the gun he had slung carelessly over his shoulder, the thought repulsed her.

She was suddenly hit by the thought that she felt no remorse, no sadness for the man that was dead outside; her thoughts were only of herself and of Joey… always of Joey… Perhaps this made her a wicked woman - to not even care that a man had been murdered while she watched on. She felt like she should have felt guilty or at the very least melancholy that a life had been snuffed out and she hadn't been able to help, but she didn't, she didn't care about the dead man. It was true she had no taste for watching people die, she would not like to repeat the situation again but still the fact remained that she didn't care, not even a jot. Her thoughts were firmly upon other matters and even trying to scold herself for being so unfeeling over a man's life did not budge her resolve.

Finally she picked up her mug and walked over to the table; she pulled out a chair and sat down opposite Joey. Her eyes took in the dingy saloon, it was little more than a glorified shack, dirt was engrained in the tables, chairs, floor, even the very walls seemed coated in a dark layer of old dust, she sneered at it, the place somehow repelled her.

"We will not stay long." Joey's voice broke the silence as if sensing her very thoughts. "I will look to see if the 'Judge'" - he said the name with cruel, amused contempt - "has anything worth taking."

Ella wrapped her hands around her mug and looked up into his face. "Where will we go then?"

"After Call, he rode away on his own, I will follow him." He paused sipping again at his coffee. "Then I will find the others."

Ella suddenly felt a burning question form within her mind, she did not doubt for a moment that Joey would find all of these men and put an end to all of their lives if that is what he wished, but Joey's life and her own had surrounded this posse for so long that she found she wanted to know what came after… when it was over.

"And then?" she ventured.

Joey furrowed his brow slightly, saying without words that her question had been unclear.

"After they are dead, what then?" She glanced down at her hands and the liquid in the mug. "Will you go back to your Ma's?"

Joey smiled; it was small and brief, with the merest hint of humor. "No," he said simply, "I do not wish to return to the village."

Ella looked up once again, studying his handsome features, sometimes it still amazed her how he could steal her breath just from his looks alone, she would bet all the money she had, little as it was, that Joey Garza was the most beautiful man in Mexico. To her she supposed no one in the world would compare… but she doubted anyone could deny what a good looking boy he was, slender in body and delicate in features. But still… beauty could hide many faults and with Joey, Ella was slowly coming to see that it was perhaps his only saving grace, everything inside was rotten.

She was a little shocked by his answer, she had always assumed that if she did stay they would return back to Maria's when it was all over, she knew Maria would accept him back into her home, she would never turn her son away. She remained silent, her eyes glancing across his smooth features.

"I want to go to Mexico City" he stated.

"Mexico City" Ella repeated, she had never been but she had heard it was a huge place full of people and buildings.

Joey nodded. "I like it; it is big, not like the village or other places here." His mouth turned slightly in disgust.

"I've never been to a big city" Ella said, her voice sounding small to her own ears.

"You will see it soon" Joey said casually, his words stating that he expected her to accompany him.

Ella looked at him unsurely, although she could not deny that she loved him, perhaps more than any person should rightfully love another and wished for nothing more than a simple life in which they were both content and not pursuing or being pursued by a posse; she could not see herself living with Joey in a little house somewhere in Mexico City, settled and happy. She did not think Joey even knew what these words meant, nor did she think that is what he wanted when they arrived, she didn't know what he wanted… maybe he didn't either.

"There is a big cathedral in Mexico City," Joey said, leaning back into his chair, "I like to go and stand in it sometimes, inside is quiet and the ceiling is high… I like the smell, like musty wood."

Ella watched him a moment, enjoying his words, for some reason she couldn't fathom they touched her deeply. She nodded, a smile finding a warm place upon her lips.

"I'd like to see that" she said with meaning.

Joey's eyes connected with hers, holding her gaze in an unbreakable grasp for a moment. Finally he looked away and drained the rest of his mug. Without glancing at her again he rose from the table and began to search the bar. It only took him a short time to realize there was nothing that would interest him, he walked behind the bar where a narrow door led into a small, cramped room. He looked about, wrinkling his nose slightly at the unappealing smell of sweat and unwashed clothing, this was the Judge's private room where he slept and kept his personal belongings. He quickly searched through a small set of drawers and found no more than a handful of dollars; Joey suspected that the fat old man spent his money as soon as he got it on more drink or the favors of women. He took the small amount of money anyway and let his eyes take in the dirty room once again. His gaze finally rested on an object sat upon a small table beside the unkempt, potent smelling bed. He had not noticed it as its back was facing him, it was a photograph frame. Joey walked a few steps forward and picked it up, turning it over, he was pleased to see that the frame was silver and good quality by the look of it, this would do nicely for his collection. He liked to collect things from the people he killed, they served as memories that he could hold, the objects seeming to keep some of the enjoyment he had felt within those moments.

His eyes wandered to the photograph that was encased in the glass. It was a professionally taken shot; it must have cost the Judge a pretty dollar or two to have taken. He had seen such photographs before, bought by men who had too much money and little sense. The Judge sat among a crowd of beauties, all whores by their dress, no more than corsets and underwear, showing their legs and breasts off to the best advantage. Joey wondered which one had been the Judge's favorite, perhaps he had all six of them and counted them all equal, the thought of any woman willingly wanting to sleep with such a whale of a man was a mystery to Joey, but then whores had no morals, no dignity… no meaning other than to please.

He studied each of their faces closely, fascinated for a moment that ugly Roy Bean could have bedded with such pretty girls. His eyes widened slightly, his grip tightening around the frame… a small girl stood to the side. She was young, perhaps not in her sixteenth year, the slight chubbiness of youth clung to her face but her curves and breasts were fully developed, dark long hair cascaded in heat made curls down her shoulder and her corset was studded with what appeared to be jewels, most likely colored glass. Joey's jaw tightened, perhaps he was mistaken… His fingers worked clumsily on the back of the frame but his gloves hindered his work and he lost his patience. He brought the glass down hard upon the corner of the table, shattering it in one swift movement, he pulled out the photograph, it was a stiff cabinet card and he bent it a little in his hurry, creating a small crease down the middle.

He brought the picture closer to his face, studying it intently. Finally he turned it over and there upon the back was scrawled messy writing.

'The Great Judge Roy Bean'

It was easy to see the Judge thought far too highly of himself but such thoughts did not stay with Joey long. He read on.

From left to right: Beautiful Bella, Rosy Lipped Blanche, Sweet Katie, Black Pearl, Little Diamond Stella and Wicked Annie.

Joey stared at the name 'Little Diamond Stella'. He turned the photograph around once more, studying the young girl gazing out at him with sad, dark eyes, her look seemed haunted but it did nothing to stem the anger that had already begun to burn inside him… she had lied. He felt her presence at the door, heard the soft scrape of her boots as she came to a standstill.

Joey was hunched over something, his body seemed tightly wound, his shoulders tense. Ella had come quickly over to the room Joey had entered after she had heard the smashing of glass, she had thought perhaps he had cut himself or at least something unforeseen had happened - Joey was always careful and never clumsy.

"Are you okay?" she ventured, feeling suddenly uneasy at the sight of him, "I heard a noise."

For what seemed a long amount of time Joey did nothing, he did not move, as if he had suddenly become frozen to the spot, then he pushed something into a frame and without warning he whirled around. His blue eyes appeared almost black in the dimness of the room, the effect was disquietening and made Ella back up a step, she sensed something was wrong, badly wrong and he was about to take it out on her. Without a word being spoken he hurled the photograph frame he had been clutching in her direction, she just managed to side step out of its path, avoiding a cruel blow.

"You lied to me" Joey hissed.

Suddenly Ella wished that he had screamed those words at her, the hissed tone of his voice was so menacing that her blood ran cold within her veins, making her feel as if it had been replaced by icy water.

"Wha…" Ella began, but he cut her off.

"You are a whore!" His voice was bitter and disgusted; he took a few steps forward and Ella's eyes widened, not only at his words but at the look in his eyes. They shone with clear hatred, a look he so often directed at Maria, a look that stated if she made the wrong move he would kill her where she stood… It was not a simple threat; she knew in that moment that he would not think twice about drawing his blade across her throat if it suited him.

Ella backed away; her feet uncertain and she stumbled more than once. He stooped and picked up the frame and flung it near her feet, his advance stopped as he stared at her with pure loathing.

Ella glanced at him warily, knowing that he wished for her to pick up the frame, slowly she bent and scooped it up, her eyes never leaving him, certain he would lunge at her at any moment. She took a quick look down noticing it had a photograph wedged within it. She pulled it out and studied it briefly; one glance was all she needed to know why he was upset. Staring out at her was her own face, several years younger, dressed in her work clothing, her 'Diamond Stella' costume… Her mouth suddenly went dry, she tried to swallow but found the action was painful, she was breathing too hard.

Ella glanced up, her eyes saying she was determined not to plead or beg for his forgiveness. "It was a long time ago," she said in a whisper, "you never asked about my past, I didn't think there was much point going into it, I knew you'd just get mad."

Joey gave a low chuckle; it was a cruel and callous sound.

"You lied to me" Joey repeated.

"No, I never lied," Ella corrected, "I just never told you." She paused, "I told you, I was young and stupid then… I needed the money." She paused again, unknowing if her words were leading her down a path she would not return from. The fact that the man she thought she loved so dearly was also fully capable of snatching her life away was a chilling thought. "It's not who I am anymore."

"How many men did you have?"

Ella was taken aback by the abrupt question, it was not a question she had ever expected Joey to ask, she had expected him to beat her, perhaps threaten to kill her but instead he was asking her a pointless question, a question that she could never give an answer that he would be satisfied with.

"I don't know!" she said, a little too harshly. "I don't like thinkin' about it, it was just a job!"

"Did you lie with him?" Joey said, indicating with a nod towards the Judge.

Ella followed his gaze. "I don't remember." It was the truth, she didn't remember although she thought maybe she would have remembered such a man. "I didn't think about it when it was happenin', Christ most beat me an' just took me anyway." She looked away, wiping her hand across her brow. "I needed the money to live!"

She looked up, her eyes connecting to his. "You have parts of your life you don't like thinking of, you didn't have a choice an' neither did I!" She was aware her voice held a note of pleading and she hated the sound.

Joey continued to stare at her, his eyes burning with a mixture of disgust and anger… and perhaps hurt too; he looked as if the situation had stung him a little. Ella knew if this was true it would be his pride that was injured more than anything else... or perhaps she wanted him to be hurt, to show any other emotion than anger, maybe it was her wishful thinking that had caused that glimmer to appear.

"You knew I had a husband, what's the difference?" she blurted, grabbing at anything that would take that look from his eyes, she suddenly changed her mind, wanting to see his cold gaze and wipe the uncertain, unreadable expression he now wore from her mind. "You knew I wasn't…" She turned away, the sickness rearing in her gut once again.

Joey remained silent; finally after a few moments he walked over to her with confident, casual strides, he pulled the frame and picture from her grip and began to make his way out of the saloon.

"Joey" Ella said, going after him. It was strange in a way, she had almost hoped that he would leave her in the last few months, if he left it made it so much easier on herself, he would be walking away not her… She had never expected it would hurt so much to know he was leaving because of her, that he didn't want her by his side. She realized what a strange occurrence it must have been to him, to bring someone with him, to almost constantly be in someone's company, perhaps he had loved her after all in his own way. This knowledge caused a strong emotion to boil within her, she couldn't let him leave without explaining, without letting him know everything that was now happening was for the best…

Ella grabbed his arm, the act a last clutch at their life together and releasing it all within the same action. This contact proved too much for Joey to take and his calm resolve faltered, he turned on her, his eyes blazing, not seeing the woman before him, only seeing another whore, just like his mother… Someone who let men use them again and again without flinching, content to live a dirty, pathetic life under overweight men that made them go all fours like animals while they took and took… She was no better than any of them, he had been a fool to think any different and Joey hated feeling like a fool. He advanced on her, lithe and fast, his hand lashed out, connecting with her cheek and then his other hand slapped her other cheek. Ella fell backwards, the blows knocking her off balance; she quickly regained her senses and tried to fight back as Joey's body began to weight her down. His legs pinned her down to the ground as she struggled, her eyes widening slightly as she tried to judge what he would do next. She assumed he'd resort to his fists as most men would but once again she had misjudged him. Within a split second his soft gloved hands were about her throat, they tightened and tightened, the pressure near unbearable.

Ella spluttered, feeling his fingers dig and squeeze, she clawed uselessly at his hands and then at his face, her attempts becoming less and less strong. He was easily able to move his head so only her fingertips brushed his cheeks in a feather light touch, almost a caress. Finally she knew she couldn't fight him, he was stronger than she was and he had her in a place she couldn't get out of, she was reminded bitterly of the night in Crow Town… How could she have stayed with him, thought of loving him after that… she was worse than foolish. Ella was suddenly hit by the knowledge of just how she had done nothing to stop this, to stop Joey. She'd just lain there and taken everything, the pleasure, the pain…had she really expected it to end any differently, she'd known somewhere inside her that Joey would kill her if she stayed… one day.

She finally allowed her hands to come to a rest at her sides, letting him have the power he so craved. She looked up into his face, it was twisted and ugly in this moment, his mouth curled into a snarl… and only a few moments ago she had thought him handsome. He glanced at her, his expression relenting, the pressure relaxed around her neck as their eyes connected and he finally let go. Ella was aware that tears were running down her cheeks, she had been weeping for some time, had it been her tears that made him relent? He pulled his hands fully away from her and got to his feet. She gave a few half hearted strangled coughs.

Ella found that she couldn't move, she felt as if all the energy had been sucked from her very bones leaving her useless. She was aware that he was leaning on the post where the hang rope was tied off, looking out across the plains, his expression in deep thought, his head bowed…no not thought… regret…she liked to think it was regret…

Ella felt a strange sleep begin to cover her and she welcomed it, she felt so very tired.


	33. Chapter 33

Ella's eyes slowly opened, she felt strangely groggy like she had many years ago when she'd drunk too often and too much. Her head ached, pounded to an erratic rhythm of pain and she placed a hand tenderly upon her brow. It was then she became aware of how much her neck hurt, she moved her hand slowly, her movements shaky and unsure and touched the skin at her throat softly. Ella winced as the pain shot through her nerves at the contact, it was sore like a bad rope burn, she remembered getting a nasty one in her youth when she'd tried holding a milking cow for a neighbor, the animal had got it into its head to run off and had near taken her on its little adventure too but she let go of the rope just in time, she still bore a light pinkish scar on her left palm as a reminder.

Slowly and with a little fearfulness that the ache in her head would worsen, she rose to a sitting position and glanced around her surroundings only just realizing where she was. She was sat upon Judge Roy Bean's bed, it smelt awful and the stink of moldy covers invaded her senses, seeming to leave an unpleasant aftertaste upon her tongue. But at least it had been soft; she knew she would have felt a lot worse waking up on the hard floor. She assumed Joey had carried her into here… after … she winced inwardly, yes she remembered it all now. It all came flooding back to her like an unpleasant dream that would rather have been forgotten. He had found the photograph and then he had…he… the memory would not fully form in her mind, she refused to let it, telling herself silently over and over that he had stopped, that he hadn't carried it through to the end, that this fact must at least mean something. She knew she was only trying to calm herself, there was no way to justify what had happened, no way to really forgive and forget…

She got to her feet glad that she at least did not feel as shaky as she had expected she would. She walked to a small mirror that hung upon the wall over a very dirty wash stand; she ignored the muck encrusted bowl and looked into the mirror, studying her appearance. She looked far too pale; it seemed to make the slightly darker areas around her eyes stand out in harsh contrast to the rest of her skin, giving her a disquieting ghostly look. She raised her chin and looked at her neck, it was red and angry looking, a band of bruised, swollen flesh ringed its way around to each side, she gave it a gentle rub before turning to look at the closed door that led out into the main part of the saloon.

Ella shuddered as she wondered if Joey was waiting outside in the saloon and what kind of mood would he be in if he was. She felt a ball of dread knot tightly in her gut, if he was there she didn't know what would happen, perhaps he would finish what he had begun and snatch the life out of her with a gleeful smirk… and if he wasn't out there she was abandoned, alone, miles from any town and if she was found by the next cowboy or sheep herder that came by for a drink it was likely she'd either be taken to a local sheriff seeing as there was a dead body swinging outside or the man would force her back into this bedroom, neither idea appealed to her. But Ella thought Joey wouldn't be waiting outside, not this time…

She knew she couldn't really waste another moment and taking a deep breath she walked out into the larger room. It was empty, she rushed to the doorway and her suspicions were confirmed, Joey was gone and he had taken both horses, leaving no food, blanket or any other provisions for her. She wasn't sure if she should feel relieved or not but Ella knew this wasn't important, not now she knew time was more of a factor, she had to get out of this place.

She bound her hair loosely out of her face and searched for something to eat. Ella found some slightly stale bread which had been covered with an old plate to prevent the flies getting to it. The judge must have been saving it for his supper. She ate it, forcing it down her sore throat and trying not to think where it had come from before drinking what was left of the coffee. It was stone cold but still warmed her a little with its sharp taste. She wandered out the back door to a small enclosure that housed the privy. She looked at it for a long moment trying to decide if she could wait and find a bush later, but in the end her modesty won out and she ventured into the small building. It didn't smell half as bad as she had expected, it seemed it had just been cleared out. She prepared to sit down and her eyes caught something unexpected. She stared at the red stain that had spread across her pantaloons and her heart beat faster in excitement. She returned back to the saloon in high spirits and found a few clean cloths that she could use before shredding them into strips and attending to her more than welcome menstruation.

She rushed around finding items she could take, her heart feeling bright and gladdened. She found tinned food, a canteen she could use for water and a woolen blanket, it smelt musty like it had never been used but it would at least keep out the night wind to some extent. She slipped a box of matches into her skirt pocket and slinging the blanket over her shoulder she walked out onto the porch. The sun was still high, she still had a few hours of light left before she'd have to stop for the night, it was a dangerous undertaking riding or walking alone in this kind of place but she had no choice. She stilled herself and glanced at the dead man, already she could hear the buzz of flies around him, the thought turned her stomach. Ella's eye was caught by something upon the ground and she looked down seeing the judge's hat, it must have fallen from his head before Joey strung him up. She picked it up and dusted it off with a few heavy blows, it was an ugly looking brown thing that she knew would be far too big for her, but it would keep the sun off and she needed it. She placed it onto her head and pushed the brim back so she could see.

She squeezed past the Judge holding her breath, managing to not touch him and walked with quick steps towards the pens and stables at the back of the saloon. Her heart sank at the sight, if there had been any horses, Joey had taken them and all that was left was a few wandering goats and chickens. Seeing the little animals joltingly reminded her of Maria and her children, how she wished with bitter longing that she was in Maria's cozy adobe now, warming herself by the fire on a lazy afternoon, knowing that a hot tasty meal would soon be made and they would all sit at the table, laugh and talk about the goings-on in the village.

Ella gave a low sigh, she couldn't stand there feeling sorry for herself, if she couldn't ride she'd have to use her legs. True it wouldn't be as quick and it would be hard, the nights would seem colder but if she just kept her mind upon that cozy fire and those warm smiling faces she knew she could get back to the village, she had to believe she could. She turned on her heel and began to make her way from the saloon, towards the open plains, she knew she could survive the heat and the nights with some luck… it was men that worried her, she prayed with mumbled words that she would remain unseen and pass by anyone that may be going her way.

---

Ella didn't know what direction she was really walking in, but she followed what seemed to be a path until it petered out, lost to the winds of the desert. She knew or more hoped she'd come across a town sooner or later. She passed an uneventful night, the fact brought her comfort and reassurance that she could get through this, she felt tired but had not slept well with all the noises about her, she thought she'd heard a dog howling in the night, her mind had turned it into a ferocious wolf searching for prey but of course this was a ridiculous thought and as dawn rose she had scolded herself for having such fanciful imaginings. She set on her way soon after, being careful to put out her fire fully and kick sand across it, something Billy had talked of in his stories, he said it cooled the wood fast to bury it and made it harder for people to track you, although who would be tracking a twenty one year old woman with nothing to her name other than a few tinned beans, beef jerky, water and a musty old blanket she didn't know, she didn't even think a poor thief would think her worth the effort and this thought made her feel comforted.

She walked for a good deal of the day, resting every few hours to catch her breath and drink plenty. She was able to find a stream and refill her canteen, the journey was certainly not the hardship her mind had made out it would be, it wasn't a pleasant walk down a peaceful lane it was true but she had seen no one, not even a rattlesnake had crossed her path. As she continued Ella began to softly hum, the distraction took her mind off the soreness around her neck and the landscape, it didn't seem to change much. She assumed she'd come upon a town in the next day or so, she had enough food to last for at least three days.

It was just after noon, the sun was high in the sky casting no shadows upon the ground around her, it beat hard and hot upon Ella's back but she endured it, she had no choice there was nowhere to shelter, she thought if she came upon a cave or a good thicket she would sit in the shade for a while and cool herself. She squinted at the distant horizon ahead as the corner of her eye caught movement. She thought she'd been mistaken, that the glare of the sun was making her see shapes but no there were shadows, men on horseback it appeared. She shaded her eyes, trying to gain a better view, she hoped she would see a woman, such a sight would make her believe that the men were trustworthy, perhaps she would hail them and ask where the nearest town was.

They came a little closer and Ella retreated behind a sparse twiggy thicket that offered very little shelter or cover, she strained her eyes but could tell nothing about the five or six riders and then she saw it, a small figure in a saddle, a child and then another. They had children with them, her heart leapt and she stood up from her poor hiding place, as they drew closer she began to wave to get their attention. They quickly saw her and changed their direction coming towards her. Ella wondered how close the next town was, she hoped a kind family would at least give her a good meal, perhaps if she was lucky she'd gain a bath too.

She heard distant crying, the children were wailing for their parents, the sound suddenly made the light feeling that had bubbled within her disappear and an icy dread replaced it, she bitterly wished she'd stayed in the thicket but it was too late, they were upon her and they certainly were not the kind hearted men she had longed for, the sight of the many guns and rifles they carried was enough to stem any thought of that ilk. There were a few Mexican men who looked shabby and ill kept, a large looking pasty man who appeared far too big for his horse, an Indian with long hair and a wide brimmed hat and a very ugly squat man. His features appeared to be mashed together with so many scars, like bread dough half kneaded. He looked almost blind in one eye, the milky white orb stared right at her, chilling her to the bone. It took her a moment to register that he was actually not blind but cockeyed. He grinned showing very few teeth and most that still remained were brown or blackened.

"Lost your way?" The Indian said with a cruel chuckle.

Ella turned her attention to him, he was good looking but had a sly quality to his features, the kind of man that would slit your throat for one coin in your pocket. She swallowed as the two children continued to wail, perhaps these men were slave traders, she heard many children were stolen in such a fashion and sold to faraway places, women too sometimes….

"No." she said trying to make her voice steady. "Just goin' my way." She tried to sound light and carefree, her gut tugged for the plight of the children but she didn't want get caught up in this, she just wanted to be on her way, leaving these foul looking men far behind. "Just thought I'd ask you which way the nearest town was." She smiled at them hoping her confidence would deter them from trying anything.

"You ain't goin' to no town." The ugly man said leering down at her, his good eye shone with excitement.

Ella tried to back up a step, she could try to run, she would easily be out run by a horse but she could at least try. As if he had read her thoughts the Indian was beside her in a moment, his hand came harshly and painfully around her upper arm and jerked her upwards before him into the saddle. Ella struggled but he held fast.

"Just let me go, I swear I won't say I saw you an' the children." She said in a gasped plea as the Indian set her astride, forcing his large hand around her waist and pulling her close making any struggles or escape unlikely. "You can just go on and sell them." Ella felt sick at the words.

The ugly man gave a boom of a laugh causing the children to wail louder in distress. "You think we're traders!" He mocked. "Don't you know who I am girly!"

Ella stared at him, her mind flashed up the thought that this man was a fool, of course she didn't know who he was, she would have said if she knew him, she would have remembered his repulsive face for one thing.

The hand around her waist jerked slightly drawing her attention to the man behind her. "This is Mox Mox and we are his gang."

The name hit her like a leaden brick, she avoided reading the papers when someone brought one in from across the river, usually Billy or one of the young men who ventured across the border frequently. The small print always hurt her eyes and her reading wasn't all that good, there were many words she didn't know and it always made her feel simple to not understand. But Billy would often tell her the stories past and present so she felt she didn't need current news anyway. Billy had told her in great detail about Mox Mox, he had been nicknamed 'The Manburner' by many and Billy said the Apaches called him 'The Snake You Do Not See.' He had a fierce reputation and was a known killer, not in the same sense as Joey or John Wesley Hardin, Mox Mox killed for no other reason than to watch people die and unlike Joey and Hardin, Mox Mox loved killing women and children, especially children. He liked to build great bonfires and set people on fire while they still breathed, the memories of the tales sent a strange queasy jolt through her body. Billy had told her he was dead, killed by an Indian… she studied the ugly man, she supposed it must really be him if he had a band of followers, her heart sank further, the queasy feeling replaced by mounting dread… would he burn her too?

Ella found that her voice had deserted her and even if she had use of it she didn't think she had anything to say, no protests would help her now.

"You're coming with us." Mox Mox said. "We'll have some fun." He laughed gruffly.

Ella felt the large hand tighten around her waist and without another word being uttered the band of riders set off once more taking Ella with them.


	34. Chapter 34

Ella lost track of the day as they traveled onwards, it seemed that the horses they rode upon were very fast, she felt as if she were going at a great speed she had never experienced before, she knew it was most likely the fear that caused the feeling, her heart seemed to constantly beat too hard in her chest. The persistent heart tugging wails of the children didn't help matters, sometimes Ella thought if they would just be quiet she'd be able to think, that her heart rate would return to normal and she'd see a way out, but the children did not stop, their fear was even greater than Ella's, they were young and wanted their mother's comfort, nothing else would stop their tears.

The man that held her she soon learned was called 'Quick Jimmy', Mox Mox barked his name at him whenever he wanted a question answered or an opinion given. Ella listened to the conversation with interest, she knew anything they spoke of was to lead to her own fate and she quickly came to learn that they were headed for a small canyon. Ella assumed the children were for burning, Billy's tales kept coming back to her of how the 'Manburner' liked killing children, relished in it. But she held some hope for herself, Quick Jimmy seemed to have taken a liking to her, perhaps he didn't get to spend much time with women being in such a well known gang, towns would not be somewhere these men would want to linger. Ella had not failed to notice the way his hands had softly wandered, she felt slightly sickened by the touch combined with long riding and the thought that she might be dead in the next few hours, but it was her only chance, if she could somehow appeal to this man, somehow make him want to keep her alive perhaps she would live to see another dawn.

She allowed his hands to smooth over her curves, he even became a little braver in his caresses lingering over her breasts. Ella thought that she sensed an uneasiness in him, perhaps he knew Mox Mox would not take kindly to him forming any kind of attachment to his sport, but what did Ella care for what that ugly, squat man thought, she just had to play her part and invoke Diamond Stella from where she now rested deep inside herself and hopefully Jimmy would play his part too.

When they finally stopped for a short rest, Jimmy allowed Ella to dismount and get the feeling back in her legs, she'd never cared for riding two to a horse, it was always uncomfortable. The children were dragged down and forced to sit upon the ground, their cries had become no more than pitiful whimpers. Ella could finally get a good look at them, there was a young boy with light hair, he looked to be no older than seven or eight years old, he was skinny and tall for his age. Beside him sat a small girl, Ella instantly knew they were siblings, their facial features bore a striking resemblance but the girl's hair was copper in colour, she could be no more than four years of age. She wondered how this band of men had found them, surely such young children would be with or near their parents… the awful thought that perhaps Mox Mox's gang had killed the children's mother and father entered her head and she shuddered. She decided she would help them if she could but she knew she may only be able to save herself, the thought made her feel harshly guilty but she was an unarmed woman with no skills to aid her in such a situation, she did not want to die with them just for the sake of being noble, it was not a quality she had ever claimed to possess.

She felt a rough nudge to her shoulder and turned to see Jimmy offering her his canteen. Ella's mind kicked back into life and the plan she had formed began to unfold. She gave him a curl of a smile that hinted with sensuality, she glanced up at him through her eyelashes, the look coy but beckoning. She felt as though she had just donned a tight, uncomfortable mask as she worked her old ways of luring a man to her upon Jimmy. She hated it, hated herself for doing this, she wanted to know what Maria would do in this situation, but Ella wasn't Maria… she was Ella and she could only grasp at the things she knew. The thought held some small comfort, to survive was the only important thing right now not what was morally right or wrong.

"Thank you." She said in her softest, sweetest voice.

Jimmy seemed more than pleased by the looks she sent his way, in fact she had the distinct feeling that if Mox Mox had not held some order to his men, Jimmy would have taken her right where they stood. She could see the lust and desire shining clearly within his eyes, like a hungry dog looking at a fresh piece of steak, it was a look she had seen many times before. She pushed back the bile that threatened in her throat.

"Where were you travelling?" Jimmy asked, his voice was smooth.

Ella knew this would be easy, he already liked her more than he should and if she had to she would bed with him, the thought was not appealing she had not whored herself for many years, but she would do it if it meant her life and at least Jimmy was not a bad looking man, quite young, perhaps no older than thirty five, he had all his teeth and didn't smell quite as foul as the other men. Ella supposed she should count herself lucky it was this man that was showing interest and not Mox Mox, she didn't think she could force herself to bed down with him even if it did mean her life.

Ella took a long swig from the canteen before looking at him again.

"Home." She said with the same hint of a teasing smile.

"Where's home?" He said giving her a tell-tale smirk that signified she had him, he wanted her badly.

"A ranch just outside Laredo." Ella said picking the first thing that popped into her head.

"You're far away from home." He said with a sly smile. "What are you doing out here alone? There are bad men in the plains." If it had been a safer situation Ella would have laughed in his face, his words and manner told her that he wanted her to think he was a 'bad man'.

"Bad men can be… good." She said a little huskily her eyes holding his.

He grinned at her words. "Seems you got into some trouble." He gestured to the swollen flesh at her throat.

Ella's eyes widened for a moment as her mind raced to find an explanation to ply him with. "I guess my Pa didn't like the fact I was going back to my Ma."

Jimmy nodded as if this was all he needed to know of the matter, all he really cared to know. "I expected you to start cryin' once we stopped, most women cry when they know Mox Mox has them."

Ella smirked at him and licked her lips making sure he saw the small gesture. "I don't cry easy, besides if I'm gonna die I guess I could be in worse company."

Jimmy looked slightly startled but pleased, Ella guessed not many women seemed so calm in this situation and if this man could see inside her he would know it was true for her too, she wasn't calm, inside the fear was screaming and clawing at her, she'd just always been good at hiding it when she needed to, when she had to.

"You may not die." Jimmy said and Ella had to push back the smile that wanted to burst from her, instead she gave him a doe eyed look. "Perhaps we could go somewhere while he burns them." He indicated to the children. "If you want to stay with me, maybe we can have some fun."

Ella lowered her eyes as if she was embarrassed, men always seemed to like it when you acted shyly and embarrassed… that was most men apart from Joey, with Joey she'd never hidden her fear either, she wondered why that was… the thought of him nearly made her lose her composure but she regained it quickly and looked up at Jimmy.

"Well, I don't think I could agree to such a thing."

Jimmy's face fell.

"But you sure are a handsome man, I think I'd be a fool to turn you down." She gave him a small grin.

Jimmy grinned back at her. "I'm Jimmy." He said extending his hand out to her, it seemed far too gentlemanly a thing to do in the situation but Ella played along.

"Anna." She said thinking of the first name that came to mind and taking his hand, shaking it lightly making sure her touch was light and a little teasing.

"Nice to meet you Anna." Jimmy said still grinning, his eyes hungry again.

They were soon mounted once more and again Jimmy's hands wandered, she felt his lust pushing into her back as they rode and knew he would fight for her life to an extent, desire was a powerful thing and she knew this fact full well. It was strange what lust would make people do, she'd seen many a man and woman lose their lives over no more than want of the other. As they neared the canyon they intended to stop and make camp in, Ella found the situation and what may happen with Jimmy made her bitterly miss the desire Joey had brought her, somehow in those moments she had felt safe in his arms, but then she had always felt safe with Joey, maybe not from Joey himself but from other people and even after what had happened between them she wished that he was with her now, he'd easily have killed every last one of this gang and he wouldn't even break a sweat doing it. She wondered if he'd care if she died, if he'd feel sad she was gone or would he just shrug his shoulders in a careless manner and say it meant nothing to him… she guessed either way she would never know.

---

Once they had dismounted Ella and the children's hands were bound behind them while a fire was lit and meat stew boiled upon it along with a pot of coffee. The smells made Ella's stomach rumble and the children too looked as if their minds thought of nothing else, perhaps it had been even longer than half a day since they had eaten. While the rest of the gang was occupied with other chores Ella looked down at the young boy beside her, the girl was still whimpering but she was tired and half asleep.

"Boy." She whispered and he looked up, his dirty, pale face betraying the fear that was clutching at his core. "You okay?" She felt she had to at least ask him if he was alright, to give him some comfort that someone cared.

He sniffed, his eyes were watery from unshed tears. "I'm real hungry Ma'am."

Ella gave him a small smile. "But you ain't hurt, nor your sister?"

"No, Macey and me are okay." He said with another sniff forcing the tears back. The conversation seemed to be quelling the fear at least a little.

"What's your name?"

"Bobby, Bobby Fant Ma'am."

"Nice to meet you Bobby, wish it was in a better place though." She smiled and he smiled too, glad of the friendly words. "Bobby I want you t' do somethin' for me, I want you t' be brave, can you do that?"

"Yes Ma'am." He said his face becoming brighter as if he had been given a great honor.

"You be brave for Macey too, don't cry, don't let them see you cry neither of you, they like it when you cry." She glanced about making sure it was safe to continue. "We might still make it out of this."

She didn't believe her words, not even a little she knew these children would die as soon as Mox Mox felt like killing them, but perhaps the hope would help them get through these next few hours or minutes until that time came. She wasn't even assured of her own life, not yet and looking at these poor, scared children she felt bitterly guilty of even thinking of getting herself out and leaving them behind.

Soon the time they had dreaded came, Mox Mox walked in hobbled steps over to them, he seemed to rock as he walked, perhaps because he was so squat. He grabbed the children by an arm each and dragged them towards a stack of brush that had been gathered.

"Get the woman Jimmy!" He called after him and Jimmy came to her side and helped her to her feet, she was marched towards the brush, her heart beginning that same unpleasant hammering of fear.

"Mox." He said coming up behind Mox Mox.

Mox Mox turned after he had forced Bobby and Macey to their knees among the brush. "What?" His tone was rough or perhaps it was just always the way he sounded.

"I want the girl." Jimmy said nodding towards Ella.

"Well you can't have her, she's my sport." Mox Mox said eyeing Ella with hungry eyes, but not in the same way Jimmy looked at her, Mox Mox looked at her with an insane hunger that wanted to see her squirm in pain.

"You got the brats, let me keep her, we don't go into towns and I miss women!" Jimmy said pulling Ella towards him.

"Stop thinking with your pecker!" Mox Mox roared and reached out towards Ella grabbing her harshly by her upper arm, he wrenched her from Jimmy's grip and forced her down with the children.

"Fine Mox!" Jimmy said annoyed. "But the next woman I'm keepin'!"

Ella stared after Jimmy, she knew from the look upon his face that he didn't want to leave her, he'd rather have her keeping him warm later on and taking pleasure from her but it seemed he would only go so far against his leader before he backed down. She'd lost her chance and now it was over…

Mox Mox turned back to them and without warning he hit Ella hard, his fist connected harshly with her jaw and she instantly tasted blood as the pain from his blow spread through her head.

"That's for turnin' my men against me you little witch!" He said his face twisting into an expression that made him look even uglier.

Ella spat out the blood that had seeped into her mouth from the large cut on her lip but it was only a moment before he hit her again, this time with his small stocky horse whip. Her cheek suffered the worst of it and she knew she had a nasty flesh found upon it. She tried to quell the burning agony that the two new injuries caused. The little boy, Bobby, had made a startled noise as she had been hit the second time and Mox Mox turned upon him, hitting him twice, Ella closed her eyes as the boy yelped in pain and Macey began to cry.

The killer fetched a bottle of whiskey and began to pour it over the brush and over each of them, laughing a little manically under his breath as he undertook the chore. Ella tried to keep her eyes closed, wishing and hoping that it would be quick, she remembered hearing that if you breathed in enough smoke it would kill you before the flames got to you, she hope it was true and this is what happened to the children and her. The whiskey filled her nostrils with its warm, bitter smell. She could feel the liquid trickling through her hair and some ran into the cut upon her cheek, making her eyes water at the painful contact.

It was in this darkest part of her despair that she felt it, that familiar feeling that she had so resented when she had lived at Maria's, that had sent shivers of discomfort up her spine but now she could have laughed with glee at the sensation. She knew Joey was nearby, that he was watching her. She opened her eyes and looked around the canyon, her gaze searching with desperation, for a glint of spyglass or rifle… anything. But she saw nothing and with a creeping dread of fear she became fully aware that she was alone, her fear had made her believe that he had come for her, Joey would be miles away by now, there was no reason for him to have followed her, to have wanted to follow her. She was nothing to him.

Ella closed her eyes once more and waited…


	35. Chapter 35

Mox Mox used another bottle of whiskey over Ella and the children before he was satisfied. He kept mumbling in annoyance that he should have bought a pack of lard at the last town he went through, that it would have made the children squeal more to have their eyes smeared with grease, cooking them as the hot flames licked at their defenseless bodies.

Ella shuddered at his words, more than glad that he didn't have anything of the sort to prolong the agony that was before her. It was more than enough knowledge that she knew the whiskey would make the fire burn hotter. She bitterly wished she didn't know this fact, perhaps if the intense heat had come as a surprise it would not have seemed so bad but despite the realization that her fate was mere moments away it was the seemingly endless waiting that was torture, she became sure that it was worse than burning alive although she was also glaringly aware that this theory would soon be tested to its fullest extent.

She couldn't help her thoughts turning once again to Joey in this moment. The guilt ate away at her core; it could have been the fear of knowing that she would not now be in this position if he had never found out about her past, or if she had told him. Her thoughts swelled, perhaps she had betrayed him… after all he had told her of his mother and her men, his suffering… she could almost understand why he saw her past as a harsh betrayal of his trust. But Ella did not think Maria was a bad woman for taking so many men into her home and having four husbands, after all someone to be a companion and love, to share everyday mundane tasks with was something most people longed for and Maria could not help the fact that three of her husbands had been killed, one by Joey himself… still Ella did feel more than a slight pang of guilt, she had never felt truly guilty about her past before, ashamed perhaps but not guilty. It had not been something she was proud of or something she would willingly talk about, she knew she had done it to live but still Joey had made her feel remorse for her past in a way that she had never experienced.

It had all seemed like an easy way out the night she met Johnny Duke in Fort Stockton, Texas. She had been living on the streets rough for how long she couldn't remember, but it had felt far too long to a fifteen year old girl with no money and little food. She missed her mother, Grace, terribly despite her cruel words and actions towards her own daughter that had made Ella up and leave in the first place, wrapping the best silver spoons in a linen table cloth. Not because she needed the money they would bring, Ella knew she could have taken her mother's jewelry or fancy tortoiseshell hair combs if she wanted a good price, but Ella's mother prized those silver spoons highly and she had taken them only to punish her, to make her regret speaking to her own daughter in such a fashion. Just because Grace's menfolk were starting to notice how pretty her young girl was had no bearing on Ella, she wasn't interested in such old men. Ella had liked Adam Porter, a young lad that worked at their neighbors helping with the dairy cows, she had spent many a morning or lazy afternoon whiling the hours away chatting to him as he worked. He was pleasant to talk to and had a fair face with dark brown hair and the greenest eyes she'd ever seen, she could still see them vividly every time she thought of Adam even all these years later. Adam Porter would most likely be married by now with a family of his own, Ella wondered if he had missed their conversations, she'd even dared to hope in those balmy days of innocence that he would ask her to marry him one day… but Adam would not be pleased to see her again, not now, not after her meeting with Johnny Duke.

Johnny had seemed like quite a dandy then to Ella, he was well dressed in an expensive suit and hat and walked with a silver topped cane, he looked every part the gentleman. He stopped nearby her as she huddled by some wooden steps under a dirty old blanket trying to gain any kind of warmth into her cold limbs on that bitter autumn evening. Johnny pulled out his golden pocket watch and glanced at it before looking at her.

---

"Isn't it a little late for such a lovely young lady to be out on the streets? It's not safe in these parts."

Stella sniffed and looked up at him, her face was dirtied with streaks of dust and days of going without a good wash. She licked her dry cracked lips, not quite believing someone had actually noticed her, normally she was passed by as if people couldn't even see her, only bringing their attention to the fact she existed if she asked them for food or money. She was usually sneered at or they would pretend they hadn't heard her; people didn't have time for a stray teenage girl. She studied him for a long moment, taking in his fancy clothes and features. He was not a young man, perhaps in his late forties but he had a handsome, clean look to him. A brown long, bushy mustache adorned his features and gave him an almost fatherly appearance, but his eyes glinted with youth and cunning. The only mar to his looks was a thin, long scar that started just below his right eye and finished near his jaw.

She stared up at him with mournful eyes, it was a look Johnny had seen many times and 'The Duke' knew exactly what he wanted from this young girl, she was pretty enough, perhaps more so once she had been cleaned and dressed in scanty clothing. Johnny's specialty lay in finding strays, they were always willing if he honey coated the right words into their ears and he hadn't failed yet, each new girl turned him a nice profit and for a while they were grateful for the food, warmth, shelter and little money he gave them for personal items. But they always became bitter and resentful after a while, of course it was only normal once they figured out he'd tricked them, but by that point it was too late for them to turn back. 'Soiled Doves' were not welcome in most places even if they left their profession behind, once a whore always a whore to most minds, just the way Johnny liked it, it meant he could hold on to them longer if they felt there was no way out or at least no options open to them if they did leave.

"You should go home." He said in false kindness.

Stella couldn't help her eyes becoming teary at the mention of home and at the occurrence that someone was actually paying her attention, talking to her in a way that made her feel like she mattered.

"I don't have no home to go to mister." She said shakily wiping her hand roughly across her eyes.

"Well then, that's not good news at all, you look half starved… would you like some food?"

Stella's eyes brightened and she nodded eagerly. "I haven't eaten nothin' for a whole day now."

"I can help in that at least, come along." Johnny said and began to walk away without a backwards glance, he knew she'd follow… they always followed, like he was the pied piper leading a merry dance.

He walked to a large building, it was quite fancy looking for the town, white washed with potted plants lining the large porch and heavy red curtains blocked all view of inside. There were a few of his girls sat outside enjoying the brisk late evening air, awaiting their first customers of the night.

"Evenin' girls." He greeted tugging the brim of his hat towards them and flashing a dazzling grin. The older of the three women gave him a disgusted look, Blanche was thirty three and a pretty woman with deep red hair, green eyes and the sweetest, plumpest lips of any woman he'd seen, he'd even nicknamed her 'Rosey Lipped Blanche' in compliment to her best feature. She had been with him since she had been twelve years old after he'd bought her from some traders and she had been one of his first girls. She had always given him good and brisk business, the men liked her curves, red hair and sweet nature but Johnny was fully aware she hated him with a blazing passion and would rob him blind if she ever got a chance, he liked being especially cruel to her on occasion if the mood took him.

"You brought a new one Johnny?" Her voice hissed with venom like a rattlesnake that didn't want you near its resting place in the sun, her eyes focused upon Stella who stood timidly behind him.

Johnny ignored Blanche's comment as a pretty young girl demanded his attention, her hand sliding down his chest. Pearl was a sweet nineteen year old. Her father had been black and her mother white, because of this fact she'd had very little choice of how she earned any money after her parents died from small pox and fever. But he'd taken her in without a second thought when she came asking for a job, she was beautiful and full of fun, amusing all of her men endlessly with her pretty laughter and seductive nature and even after a few years of being with him it seemed she still enjoyed her job, in fact he felt she was one of the few that would never bore of it or resent him, he rarely beat her unless she upset a customer and she was his favorite, his 'Black Pearl'.

"Did you win anything big?" She asked giving him a sly wink. "You said if you won big you'd buy me a fancy corset, I'm still holdin' you to that Johnny." She giggled and Johnny grinned at her.

"Not yet Darlin' not yet, soon I promise."

Pearl pouted in mock disappointment. "Well you just see you keep that promise." She winked at him again.

The last woman watched silently, she was plumper than the rest of the girls he had working for him but the extra weight gave her ample curves and a large bosom, she was never short of admirers, in fact Johnny felt sure Katie was his best girl, she had regulars that would have none of the other girls but her. Katie was twenty eight and had only been with him for three years, her husband had lost his farm gambling and then left her for a Mexican woman, with no money to her name she had turned to Johnny for help, willing to do whatever it took to survive. She was sweet natured even with the most brutish of men, Johnny suspected many of them came just to talk with her and unload their problems on top of having a little fun. He'd named her 'Sweet Katie' and the punters seemed to like her nickname as much as she did, she often said that she liked it better than any other name because it sounded coy, this always made Johnny laugh, a whore being coy was an amusing thing to him.

He'd ushered the young straggled girl into the house and to the kitchen where an old black woman served as cook and maid.

"Evenin' Evey." He said charmingly, the old woman had a habit of being in a bad temper and Johnny was always as sweet as pie to her to make sure all his meals didn't taste as bitter as her anger.

"Same to you Johnny." She said with a firm nod, she held no airs and graces around him or any that lived in the house.

"Would you happen to have a scrap of food for this poor girl I found?"

Evey turned and examined Ella with suspicious eyes. "Another one!" She said in annoyance.

"Ah now Evey you know we have a spare room now Nell's gone."

Nell had been one of the few that didn't care what happened to her once she left the comfort of Johnny's house. She'd had more than enough of the life she was leading and one night when everyone was asleep she had packed up and left without a word taking an old mule that belonged to him. Johnny hoped she'd frozen somewhere out there in the harsh desert, if there was one thing he couldn't stand it was his girls being so ungrateful and stealing from him to boot!

Stella was sat down at a table and given a bowl full of nourishing broth, she thought she had never tasted anything so wonderful before and she felt her strength renewed and her spirits lifted for something as simple as a good square meal. When she had finished she looked up at the man that had brought her here, she was young and naive but she wasn't stupid. She'd seen 'boarding houses', as the pious women of her town had called them when they had to be discussed, she knew to an extent what went on within them, that women sold their bodies to men for money. She'd also grown up seeing men come and go from her mother's bedroom, she'd even made the mistake of peeking in once when she had been younger, she knew what men and women did together even if it was only a hazy knowledge. Stella was aware this meal would not be free, this man wanted her to work in his house and as she ate she mulled the idea over in her mind. The house was well furnished, elaborately so in some rooms and she was sure that the bed she would be given would be comfortable and her pillow feather soft. She felt as if she'd lived so long without any comforts that having them dangled before her was more temptation than she could take… and it was only her body, if she got money and a nice place to live what was that to her… She knew she was trying to convince herself, the mere thought of lying in bed with many strange men was not something she wanted to do, but the tempting thoughts would not leave her… warmth, comfort, home. Perhaps if she just tried it first, if she didn't like it she could go back to how she was, alone and on the streets, she'd be no worse off.

"I'm Johnny, what's your name?"

Stella looked up at him, his question shaking her from her thoughts. Her eyes widened for a moment, she didn't feel like telling him her name, she'd heard too many Indian tales as a child to want to give such a large piece of herself to this man.

"You can give me any name." Johnny said with an amused smile. They never did use their real names, he doubted if he knew the true Christian name of any of his girls.

She considered his words before speaking. "Stella." She replied with a smile.

"Well, Stella how would you feel working for me awhile? I'll give you a nice room and food for no charge and pretty dresses too." He winked, trying to be friendly but his eyes danced with the look of a hard businessman.

Stella pushed back the feeling that wanted to warn her, that wanted her to march right back outside to her spot by the steps, huddled under her smelly, old blanket. Finally she managed to nod in reply to his question, the small gesture sealing her into a life she could only pray would be better than the streets.

---

A week had passed since she had come to Johnny Duke's boarding house. Stella had been cleaned and groomed, dressed in pretty low cut dresses and paraded along the line of punters. Johnny's idea was to get them all salivating over the new girl before he started offering her services. Men often liked to be teased in such a way, having what they couldn't have right under their noses seemed to make them want it more and the fact his 'Little Stella' was innocent to men made them clamor all the harder. It was the first time he invited all the men interested in his newest acquisition into his house to perform a kind of auction. The men stated what they would pay to have Stella on her first night working, Johnny thought it best to ease the girl into things, he felt quite noble for allowing only one man with her that night but he'd told her by her second night she'd be expected to get on with business just like the rest of his girls. The men that piled into his study, eight if he counted right, were men from nearby towns or ranches, some old, some quite young. The man who placed the highest amount was called Nathan Madigan, he was in his early thirties and was the son of a rich rancher. It was a well known fact that Nathan was not remotely liked by his father, he was a gambler and a drunkard. His father gave him money to stay away from the family home, perhaps he hoped his youngest son would drink himself into an early grave and rid the world of such a troublesome drain on his income. Nathan was handsome with light brown hair that had grown a little too long to be fully respectable. His upper lip was crowned with a long, thin mustache, his face had a smooth, charming quality to it, a fact he used on many women and men alike to get what he wanted.

"Nate, you win the prize my boy, well done." Johnny reached out and shook the man's hand.

Nate grinned. "Well I best be on time then if I'm havin' to pay up front."

"That you should, but remember you got all night now, no need to rush." Johnny said grinning back as Nathan handed over his wad of money.

"You should by rights be payin' me to break in one of your girls." Nate said with a slight amused sneer.

"Well, I guess you may be right there, she might be like a dead fish the first few times, but then I know you like girls that ain't been near a man."

"That I do." Nate said with a sly smile.

---

Stella sat on the edge of her bed. Everything had happened so fast that she still felt as if she couldn't fully understand it all, the hours she had spent fretting and worrying over what would be now seemed useless and worthless. She couldn't quite believe so many people made such a romantic fuss over men and women lying together if that was all there was to it… it seemed so… redundant and pointless. She'd heard tell from the other girls of the house that it would be pleasurable and it had been... for him… for Nate, but she'd felt nothing, nothing expect that uncomfortable pain.

The man that had introduced himself as Nate now slept snoring softly beside her, he smelt strongly of whiskey. He was handsome enough she supposed, she'd been worried that her first man would be old, fat and ugly so in a way she felt lucky that he was young and pleasant to look at. They'd talked a little at first enjoying a drink together and laughing, he had made her laugh… or giggle nervously she wasn't sure which it really was. Then he'd told her to stand up and he had pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Stella had always wondered what a kiss such as this would feel like and she found she was bitterly disappointed, it was far too wet and sloppy and she felt nothing from it, no feelings of wonder or desire… but the kiss had only been the start of her disappointment. He'd undressed her, the liquor taking effect on him so he rushed a little, then he too had undressed, she'd blushed a little at the sight of a fully naked man but had been given no time to dwell upon the matter. Nate had told her to lie back upon the bed and she had done as he asked. The first time was over quickly; all Stella could think about was the pain as he had thrust into her, clumsily and drunkenly. He'd rolled off her after he had finished his grunting, catching his breath and partaking in some more drink before he again took her and then again…

Stella found she'd lost count, she'd remained silent throughout, her lips too tightly pushed together to make a sound, but the pain seemed a little less each time and she was at the very least thankful for that small mercy. He'd finally rolled off for the last time and fallen asleep without uttering a word to her, now he'd gotten what he wanted it seemed all pleasantries were forgotten.

Ella glanced down at the stain of blood upon the bedding, she wasn't alarmed by it, she felt it only right that she bleed a little after that kind of pain. She pulled on a cream satin robe and wandered over to the window, it was late and even the saloon across the street was closed, no lights shone from any of the buildings, the town below looked a little spooky in such darkness. Her thoughts drifted back to the events of the night. She didn't know if she regretted her choices but she also didn't know if she could continue like this… do this every night. She had thought it would be easy, she kept telling herself it was only her body not her soul, mind or heart, but her soul felt melancholy, her mind uneasy, her heart bruised… and her body was sore.


	36. Chapter 36

"I hope you squeal!"

Mox Mox's gleeful voice gloating over the children beside her brought Ella forcefully out of her memories, for a short time she had been able to retreat into her own mind, blocking out her surroundings; Mox Mox, the children, the brush around her and the whiskey that soaked into her hair and clothing. She could smell the pungent aroma coming from her blouse as the heat of the day increased. But now she was thrown back into the thick of the situation, Ella bitterly wished that she had been able to remain inside her past for this moment, it was not a pleasant remembrance but it was a lot better than the future that lay before her.

She watched as Mox Mox went over to the large fire where a meal still cooked for the rest of his gang, he picked out a long branch and inspected it with a keen eye. Ella got the distinct feeling that this man liked everything to be just to his liking, it might spoil his sport of burning two children and a woman otherwise. Once he seemed satisfied that the branch was the right length or burning well enough, whatever it was he was looking at with an eye for detail, he began to make his way over to where Ella and the children knelt, bound and defenseless.

Ella wanted to turn to the children and say something of comfort before their last moments came, something motherly… but Ella had never been good with children, she'd always felt awkward around them… apart from Teresa and Rafael that was, but then they'd always felt more like kin to her than just 'children'. She found it was rather funny that in this moment, when death approached her, ugly, squat and carrying a flaming branch, she would be thinking of children and why she'd never been so keen on them.

She found that no matter how much she told herself to turn and speak some words to little Macey and Bobby she could not now take her eyes off Mox Mox as he walked in hobbled steps towards them. Now she had focused upon him fully it seemed she could think of nothing else but what the flames would feel like as they began to burn into her flesh, would she scream or would the fire devour her before she could utter a sound. Her heart was beating hard once again and she wished it would just stop its loud hammering for a moment so she could clear her head and hear her thoughts fully… but more than anything she wished it was over, that the waiting was through and it was done. The thought of a painful death scared her immensely but the thought of watching Mox Mox take his time, enjoying the terror he was creating was near unbearable and she wanted it done…

Then he was close, he grinned down at them and lifted the branch high as if letting them see their fate one last time before it engulfed them. One of the Mexican men came forwards to pour more whiskey on the brush before Mox Mox decided to drop the branch but as he moved towards them an echoing boom sounded. Ella gave a shriek, her nerves were near threadbare and the unexpected loud noise had made her think that hell was opening up to swallow her whole. It was only then she noticed that the Mexican was falling forward into the brush as though he had leaned too far over and lost his balance. Mox Mox however was backing away, he knew what that sound was and he knew he was in trouble. Ella continued to stare at the Mexican, blood was soaking into his shirt, he'd been shot.

More gunfire sounded and members of Mox Mox's gang began to drop like flies… Ella looked around her wildly as Macey began to wail, the noises frightening the little girl and making her once again begin to shout for her mother. Ella scanned the cliffs above them looking for the person doing the shooting but she couldn't see anyone, the thought crossed her mind that perhaps her instinct had been right and Joey had come, but before her theory could be confirmed or discredited a hand was upon her upper arm pulling her to her feet. She was dragged backwards as she tried to keep her footing, but the person leading her had no time for any careful steps and ended up dragging her the last few paces. She was bundled onto a horse and then Jimmy mounted behind her, his hand once again wrapping around her waist in an iron grip. Ella's arms, which were still tightly bound behind her, had already begun to ache at the position she was forced into upon the horse but she had no time to voice her complaints as Jimmy spurred his mount onwards and they began to gallop away from the canyon, away from the children and out into the plains leaving her potential rescuer behind…

---

Joey watched with his spyglass for a moment as the chaos before him unfolded. He had left Judge Roy Bean's and set after Call, the old man's tracks were easy to find and he had followed them without any problems. He was glad that Call had broken away from all but one of his men. Although he was more than certain that he would kill every one of the men riding with Call, and Call himself, the fact that Famous Shoes was with them did make him a little uneasy. Famous Shoes was a great tracker, better even than himself in some aspects but Joey could not take John Wesley Hardin's advice and bring an end to the old man's life, perhaps it would be a great mistake to hold to his old promise but Joey never broke a promise to himself. He shook himself inwardly, not wanting to think about the past.

He had followed old Call catching up to him much faster than he had expected, Joey knew it wasn't himself that occupied the ranger's mind, he was hunting other prey and upon the second day of following he had found out that it was the 'Manburner' that Call was set upon.

Joey had heard about the Manburner in newspapers and talk in saloons, he'd even toyed with the thought of taking his little brother and sister to this man who liked to set children alight. Perhaps he would still do this at a later point, he hadn't quite decided his siblings' fate just yet.

Mox Mox's gang had set up camp in a small canyon, lighting fires without much care. Joey thought he had never seen such a useless bunch of men, he could almost guarantee just by looking at them that not one was a good shot with rifle or handgun and none of them seemed to have a single scrape of intelligence. Joey hated stupid people, they annoyed him and he took great delight in making sure they ended up at the end of his rifle… or sometimes his knife if the mood took him. He noticed that the Manburner was squat and fat, he had never seen him before but from various stories he had heard about how ugly and small he was, Joey could not mistake this man for anyone else. Joey also detested fat people, they reminded him vividly of his mother's past husbands, he liked to shoot such men in their big, protruding stomachs and watch as the guts spilled out if he got the aim just right. He considered shooting this small, fat man just for sport but then that would alert Call to his whereabouts and he didn't want that just yet, he liked following the old ranger, knowing he didn't have any idea he was being tracked by his own quarry.

He had taken out his spyglass and observed intently where Call and his man had positioned themselves, then he'd turned his interest to the camp, studying the Manburner for a long time. He didn't know how anyone could fear such a man, he looked far too stupid to lead and Joey thought most could outwit him, but then you didn't have to be intelligent to make people scared, people scared far too easily sometimes.. . He moved the spyglass to the three captives, he'd heard the wailing of the children far before he had settled himself down on his lookout point, children too annoyed him although he had never killed one… not willingly. Children he saw no point in killing, they offered no sport and had no valuables. His jaw twitched and tightened as he saw the third captive, it was not someone he had expected to see here or ever again. He had thought Ella would perhaps make it make to Ojinaga if she had good sense and knew how to make a good fire or she would perish in the desert, he hadn't thought for a moment she would wait around at Roy Bean's for someone to pass by, she'd have been a fool to do such a thing, he was glad to see he was right and she had left but he also felt greatly annoyed. If she died he wanted it to be because he had constructed it not because some small, fat man wanted to burn her, the thought made him angry and he was angry at her for getting caught by such a band of idiots.

He thought again of taking up his rifle and shooting the Manburner, but he stilled the blood that rushed within his ears urging him to squeeze the trigger. He knew Call was here and he reasoned that the Texas Ranger must have some reason for being so famous, he would at least let him try first. Joey knew he could slip away if he was detected, without Famous Shoes Call didn't stand a chance of tracking him if he got a good head start.

Joey had watched as the first shot was fired, Call's aim was off he had been too slow to put a bullet in the Manburner's heart and instead shot a Mexican man. The bullets began to fly and men began to fall down dead, Call and his man were shooting fish in a barrel and Joey was quite disgusted by just how many shots they missed, perhaps they were tired but still Joey was greatly disappointed. Finally two bullets were put into the Manburner but it wasn't enough to kill him, he managed to mount a horse and ride away, an Indian man pulled Ella to her feet as Joey continued to watch through his spy glass. His jaw tightened once more as Ella was bundled onto a horse and she and the man rode off in the same direction as the Manburner had taken, it seemed Call had enough sense to not shoot at a kidnapped woman and didn't fire anymore shots in their direction instead he finished off the remaining bandits.

Joey began to pack away his items, he would have to hurry if he wanted to catch up to the fast Indian, his annoyance grew by the second, she could not even let rescue come to her when it was within seconds of happening. He stopped, his attention caught by another man riding out of the canyon, following the path of the last two remaining members of the Manburner's gang, Joey paused and thought for a moment and finally decided it suited him better this way, he would only be angry once he caught up with the Indian, perhaps his temper would lessen and his mind dwell less upon the only woman he had ever allowed to travel with him if he did not see her, he had no intention of laying eyes upon her again since he had left her at Roy Bean's why should he change his plan now? She would be safe enough but he still found his jaw tightened slightly at the thought that 'he' would save her and Joey did not like the fact that his jaw tightened…. He left his vantage point and mounted his horse, his mind forcibly set upon Call once again

---

Ella soon became aware that another man had made it out of the canyon, it seemed the rest would call that dusty ground behind them their last resting place. She hoped that the children were at least safe. The gunman must have been someone who was after Mox Mox, she doubted if they would follow the two men that had escaped even if the other was Mox Mox himself.

She felt slightly dispirited by this, in a way she had sealed her own fate by playing up to Jimmy, if she had let him be and rebuked his advances he would have left her with the children without a second thought, but she had gained his interest and once a man like Jimmy had interest it was hard to change his course from what he wanted. She felt foolish, she could be getting rescued along with the children right now, taken on to a nice town, perhaps even a hotel for a bath and some good hot food, her stomach rumbled noisily at the thought. But instead she was stuck sitting uncomfortably in the saddle with a man that had one thing upon his mind, she doubted she would be able to talk her way out of the situation and if she fought or tried to run there was a good chance he would beat her or kill her. Ella was unsure just how ruthless Jimmy was, he was riding with Mox Mox so he must have cruelty inside him, to watch innocents burn took something to be wrong in the mind and soul.

They rode for what was a long time, pushing the horse at a full gallop until the poor beast began to lag from carrying two people. Jimmy followed Mox Mox into a gully. They all dismounted or rather Ella and Jimmy dismounted, Mox Mox it seemed rolled off his horse and crawled himself into a sitting position leaning heavily against the sand bank. Mox Mox's horse was ridden to the brink, it foamed at the mouth and sweated, he'd pushed the animal too far and now it was useless.

Ella instantly became aware how cold it was, night would be coming in less than a few hours and she could already feel the freezing wind creeping into her very bones. She avoided looking at Mox Mox but the fact he was so astoundingly ugly made the matter difficult in the first place and now he sat groaning and complaining on the ground with a bloody wound to his chest made it all the harder.

Jimmy began to take the saddle off Mox Mox's horse, replacing it for his own, it was a better make and more comfortable too.

"Don't go off and leave me here, you goddamn Cherokee dog! You don't need to take my belongings, and let me have that horse, it's better than mine!" Mox Mox said hoarsely.

Ella couldn't help studying him, it was obvious he was a dead man, the pallid, blue tinged colour of his face, his harsh intakes of breath and the blood that had trickled from his nose and mouth told her this fact easily, but it seemed he had not noticed these things, he was adamant there was nothing wrong with him.

Jimmy ignored Mox Mox's demand and continued on with his task. Mox Mox tried to push himself to his feet but seemed to give up half way and sank back to the ground.

"Build a fire, Jimmy. It's chill." He ordered a little softer, still thinking he held sway as the leader. "Build a fire. We'll freeze if you don't build a fire."

"Nope, no more fires for you Mox." Jimmy said finally gracing him with an answer.

"Why not? What's wrong with you?"

Ella could sense things may turn bad and she backed away, hoping if these two men decided to start shooting or fighting she could find cover.

"Not near as much as is wrong with you. I ain't shot up bad and I ain't dyin'. You're both, Mox." He began to sort through Mox's belongings looking for whatever he could use. "Building you a fire would be a waste of matches, and I ain't got the time to waste on a man that's dying anyway." The words were simple and Jimmy meant them, his tone stated he'd never cared for Mox Mox and the respect he'd granted him was fleeting, changing with the course of events.

"I ain't dyin', I'm just shot up a little. I'll live if I can get warm." Mox Mox declared a little indignantly as if he didn't like Jimmy saying he was finished, as if it were bad luck to hear someone say such a thing.

"Hellfire will warm you, Mox. You'll be plenty warm down there." He grinned as he said it, enjoying teasing his former leader.

"You're stripping me clean you Cherokee scum!" Mox Mox's face twitched, his eyes narrowed with anger and his voice shook with fury. "I should've killed you long ago. Should've shot you in your sleep!"

"I could be sound asleep, or drunk, and still be too quick for you, Mox. That's why I'm called Quick Jimmy, remember?" His tone no longer held any respect for the great Manburner. He had nearly finished tying a blanket to his horse and Ella knew they'd soon be riding from here, she had to admit despite the company she would be travelling with she wanted to be away from here, away from the ugly dying man.

"You damn snake, get off that horse and make me a fire!"

"I ain't the snake. You're the one they call The-Snake-You-Do-Not-See. Only old Call seen you. He didn't get much of a shot, but he still killed you." Jimmy said inspecting Mox's rifle and deciding with a nod it was good enough to take.

"I ain't dead, I'm just shot, goddamn you! If you're in such a hurry leave me some matches." Mox Mox said his tone desperate almost pleading with his former gang member

"I am in a hurry. Old Call might be comin'." He walked towards Mox Mox, keeping his distance but coming close enough to look down and gloat a little.

"He ain't comin', he's got those brats."

"Well, I don't believe I'll take the chance." Jimmy mocked, he had known all along he would not pander to Mox's wants and needs. "If he does come, he'll find you frozen. I never thought a man that old would beat you, Mox, but I guess I was wrong." He needled.

Jimmy turned and made for his horse, Ella knew they were leaving she was glad of it, glad to leave this evil man behind in the desert and her memories.

Mox Mox gave a roar and he stumbled forward a knife in his hand. Ella was suddenly relieved she had moved, he could have reached her skirts from where he sat but now she was well away from his reach, but it wasn't Ella that he wanted it was Jimmy. Mox Mox had been betrayed by his own man and he was angry, but his injuries were worse than his temper and he only managed a few stumbled steps before he fell, the knife plunging into sand and nothing more.

Jimmy gave a chuckle before turning to Ella and drawing out his blade, he severed the bonds holding her and mounted his horse, gesturing for Ella to take his hand, she swung herself up behind him.

"You're done for, Mox. You oughta just cut your own throat and be done with it." He gave the horse a swift kick and they rode out of the gully into the quickly descending evening.


	37. Chapter 37

Ella clung onto Jimmy as they rode. Night had descended quickly and she knew they would soon stop. She was beginning to dread it, the more time she had to dwell upon what Jimmy would expect her to do the more she didn't want to do it. She thought she'd left that part of her life far behind, she had stopped being a Dove when she married Dave and she had no desire to return to those old ways of giving herself to men who didn't care anything about her, only wanted her body and the pleasure it offered to themselves.

She knew she'd acted rashly with Joey, slipping into bed with him on many occasions even though she had no word of God to tell her it was acceptable, but she had loved Joey… or thought she had, and surely that counted for something even in a preacher's eyes, surely it was better than giving herself to anyone. She bitterly wished that Joey was the man she held onto now, that it was Joey she would bed down with, the familiarity of his face, his voice, his smell … even his touch would be more than welcome instead of the man she now rode with. She had once honestly convinced herself that there would be no one else other than Joey; she supposed many women made such an oath to themselves when they thought love had claimed them. It seemed almost ridiculous now to think of such a promise, so many things changed in life, feelings, death… even Joey.

She began to wonder if she could get away as soon as they stopped, if she could run or if she was very lucky steal his horse before he knew what was happening but no such plan could work and she knew it. Jimmy would not be so foolish as to take his eyes off his prize, he'd risked his own life to bring her with him, lingering longer than he needed to bundle her onto his horse, he would want his reward and he would take it from her willingly or not.

Finally Jimmy slowed the horse and chose a spot to make camp. He aided Ella down first before dismounting. He wrapped a large hand around her wrist and dragged her behind him as he gathered bits of wood. They soon had a fire warming them that was not large but would at least keep the night chill out of their bones. Jimmy had little food with him apart from some strips of dried beef, everything had been left at the camp including a delicious smelling stew. He gave Ella some of the leathery meat and they washed it down with plenty of water.

The meat was tough and didn't hold much flavor but it would at the very least stop the constant complaining of her stomach until she could get a real meal into her, maybe Jimmy would take them to a town and even buy her a meal. The thought was only appealing for a moment, she quickly felt disgusted with herself, it would be a form of payment if he bought her anything after tonight. She felt wretched and angrily scolded herself that perhaps she should just go back to being a whore, it was the only thing she'd ever been any good at and now Joey was gone… she hated him and loved him all within the same breath, the feeling was like torture to her own mind. How could she feel anything for a man that had wrapped his hands around her throat and squeezed? She had no answer, she only knew that she could not force her feelings away and now more than ever she felt like she was betraying him as if she were betraying her own husband, it felt wrenchingly wrong to her gut to be with any man other than him but she didn't have a choice… did she?

She mulled over her own musings. Perhaps choices were over rated; after all it had been her own choice to go with Joey. The feelings of remorse at betraying Joey she knew were really just her own guilt and her own reluctance to follow through with a situation she had brought down around her. The muddle of thoughts brought both comfort and uneasiness.

She felt Jimmy's eyes upon her and looked up, his gaze was already marred with desire, if she wanted to get out she had to think of something fast.

"So, who do you think did all the shooting back there?" She thought if she talked perhaps she could think. She winced a little as the cut on her cheek let out a crackle of pain caused by the movement of speaking.

"I already said." Jimmy said not taking his eyes off her. "Call."

The name sent an unpleasant jolt through her body. "You mean Captain Woodrow Call?"

"I reckon it was." He said with a slow nod, his eyes travelling over her body.

Ella's mind reeled, Call had been this close all along, did that mean Joey was close too? Her heart gave a soft thud within her chest as hope began to flicker. Perhaps he was tracking them right now. She inwardly shook herself, knowing she had to keep Jimmy talking and his mind off her.

"Do you think he'll come after us? I mean he was after Mox Mox, maybe he followed." She paused. "Maybe we should ride some more, give ourselves a good lead."

Jimmy's eyes came to rest upon her face and his expression was one of humor, he obviously thought she was no more than a simple thing. "No, Mox was right, old Call will be taking those brats to the nearest town."

Ella knew this was true, Call couldn't be expected to bring two young children along on his chase. Her mouth felt dry as she searched for more questions.

"Why did you ride with Mox Mox? You don't seem like the type that enjoys burning people."

"I'm not, but Mox saved my life once so I stayed with him, I didn't care about his burnin' as long as we robbed trains and coaches too, I'm in it for the money and fame." His eyes shined a little at the last word.

"Fame?" Ella questioned furrowing her brow and feigning more interest than she felt.

"Yeah." Jimmy said grinning. "I've been in the papers; they said we were the worst gang the West has ever seen!"

"Well that's quite an achievement." Ella gave a small smile. "What were you before this… I mean before you joined Mox Mox's gang?"

"I just wandered from place to place, they call me 'Quick Jimmy' you know." He stated proudly. "Because I'm so fast with my gun and knife."

Ella nodded. "It's a good name to have."

They looked at each other over the dancing flames and Ella could see the conversation had not changed his mind, he still looked at her in that telling way of want and need.

"Maybe we should get some sleep?" It was a hopeful request. "We can find a town tomorrow and I'm real tired."

Jimmy laughed lowly. "I did not bring you with me so you could sleep Anna."

Ella stared at him a moment her mind working at a rate that meant she couldn't fully understand any of her thoughts, she was beginning to panic and the fact she knew this only made the feeling worse.

She glanced around. "Out here?" She said in forced disgust. "But there's sand everywhere, it won't be much fun!" She declared returning her gaze back to him. "Wouldn't you rather wait for a comfortable bed? It'd be more enjoyable I reckon."

"I've never cared for beds, ground is good enough for me so it'll be good enough for you too." He grinned again and pushed himself to his feet.

"I thought you liked me!" Ella whined in her sweetest voice.

He came to sit beside her and Ella couldn't help the slight flinch that his closeness caused. "I do like you, that's why you are not dead or back in the canyon."

"If you liked me you'd at least wait till we found somewhere better than the ground."

His hand wrapped around her shoulder and Ella could feel her heart begin to thud hard. She could fight or allow it to happen, those were her choices now and she had to pick fast. Before she could gather her thoughts Jimmy had made his first move, his lips founds hers and tried to kiss her passionately but Ella recoiled at the contact, a sick feeling welling and seeming to worsen as his lips pressed against hers.

"I thought _you_ liked me." Jimmy laughed mockingly, before he again tried to kiss her.

Ella pushed her palms against his chest not quite registering what she was doing, she supposed some part of her had decided that her choice would be to fight.

"Don't." She finally muttered. "I don't want to." The words sounded pitiful to her own ears and she knew they would carry no merit with Jimmy, he wouldn't care, men like Jimmy never did.

"Stop being coy." He said forcing his body forward, his hand sought her breast and once more Ella pushed against him, but Jimmy just laughed at her as if she were playing a game and tried his luck yet again. As his hand pulled at her skirt Ella could feel her anger building, or perhaps it was desperation… she couldn't quite tell and she let a hard slap fly against his cheek. The blow stopped him for a moment but Ella instantly regretted her actions, she should have known better, every time she had ever lashed out at a man it had normally always ended badly.

Jimmy did not say anything, his hand flew but not in a slap his fist was closed and the blow sent a shiver of pain through her head as he hit her squarely on the side of her jaw. She was dazed for a moment and it allowed Jimmy enough time to force her to lie back. When she finally gained control of her body she began to struggle, she scratched at his face only to be met by another blow and then another. These nearly knocked her out fully and her head swam. She was hazily aware that she was bleeding but she didn't know where from, she only knew that she could feel the warm blood trickling across her skin. Her thoughts flashed up that she'd look a real mess by morning with these new wounds combined with the one's Mox Mox had inflicted… if she saw morning.

She could feel darkness trying to enclose her, she even thought that it may be better if it did swallow her so she couldn't feel what was happening, so that she could just slip away into a place where she was safe and warm, where no cloying fingers grasped at her flesh. But she wouldn't allow it, she wouldn't give in. She had resolved to fight and once she got her senses back she would fight again even if he hit her. She was tired of giving in, so very tired and to fight back would feel good to her soul, if it meant her death then so be it because… she was so very tired…

It was then that she realized that Jimmy's weight was no longer upon her, perhaps he had stood up to loosen his britches. She still felt groggy and weak, like her limbs were made of nothing but water but she knew she could at least try to fight back. She closed her eyes willing her strength to come. She felt hands wrapping around her upper arms and she lashed out, a feeble scream of anguish erupting from her very core.

"Ella!" The voice that had been shouting her name over and over finally broke through.

Slowly she opened her eyes, her sight was blurred for a moment but it quickly cleared well enough for her to see. The face before her swam a moment and she furrowed her brow trying to make her mind work.

Finally she pushed out a word. "Doc?"

The face before her smiled and Ella felt her emotions give way. She descended into gasping sobs as the full ordeal of everything she had been through since leaving Ojinaga flooded over her, her fingers digging into his clothing, using him as an anchor to steady her thoughts and a life which seemed to have spiraled out of control.

Doc pulled her into his arms and cradled her for a long while as she let her tears fall. His heart ached almost to the point of breaking at finding her in such a state. He could hardly believe his eyes when he'd seen she was a prisoner of Mox Mox. He had fired shots at the Indian as he walked over to her but his aim had been off, the man was too quick and Doc dared not chance shooting as they rode away in fear of injuring Ella. He had left Call to take care of the children and ridden after them, determined to rescue her if he could. He had rode fast and hard for many miles, finding Mox Mox dead from one of Call's bullets, by morning he guessed the body would be frozen and he was glad the Manburner was dead. He knew that the Indian and Ella must have gone on, their tracks were easy to follow and he also knew they would be heading towards the nearest town, safe in the knowledge that the children would prevent any pursuit from the Texas Ranger… but then they hadn't seen him, only Call. The Indian had been about to take her against her will when he finally caught up. But it seemed that Doc would not have to shoot him, more's the pity. The man was already upon his feet and running for his horse the moment he detected that someone approached, he probably thought it was Call and did not want to be caught by such a well known man, Call's reputation earned respect and fear from such men.

"It's okay." He cooed as Ella clutched at him. "I'm here, it's okay."

Finally her tears lessened and she pulled back from him, her watery eyes studied his face. "Is it really you?" She questioned, she knew it was a foolish thing to ask, of course it was Doc.

Doc smiled his warm smile and Ella felt her heart lifting at the sight. "It's me." He wiped gently at her cheeks with both his thumbs. "Let's go sit by the fire, let me take a look at your face."

His words made Ella aware that her face throbbed painfully. She hoped that the injuries weren't too bad but it already felt as if one of her cheeks was twice the size it should be.

He aided her closer to the fire so that they could both get warm, Doc looked cold, he must have been riding through the night for many hours she thought. He fetched one of his saddle bags and pulled out a clean cloth and a bottle of whiskey before examining her face intently.

"He got you good Ella." He said in a whisper. Indeed the Indian had hit Ella quite hard, enough to cause another nasty cut upon her cheek, and one near her left eye, both ran freely with blood and Doc knew that she'd have a black eye by morning. He tried to fight back the anger that boiled within him, that wanted to go after the man that had done this and shoot him dead, or worse, he could think of worse… But Ella needed him and he would not leave her, this man would have to wait and if Doc ever crossed paths with that Indian again he'd make sure he paid.

Although Doc seemed like a respectable man on the surface, during the Lincoln County War riding along side Billy the Kid had taught him much and he knew many ways to kill a man and what different gunshots would cause. Doc had always been a quiet man, he didn't like violence but he lived in a place where using your gun and fists was more useful than knowing how to recite poetry or talk of historic time lines. He had quickly learnt what he needed to and he always got done what needed to be done. He had even begun to enjoy the outlaw lifestyle after the war was over, riding with Billy was thrilling but nearly losing his life at the ambush at Stinking Springs that day many years ago had quelled such feelings and after he had escaped and Billy had been killed he longed for something more, for a family, children perhaps even a small farm… a wife… he had always wanted Ella to be that woman from the first time he had laid eyes upon her at Jane Greathouse's boarding house. It didn't matter to him that she was a Dove, she made him laugh, she was beautiful and she had a light about her, one that never seemed to dim even in her darkest times. He'd been drawn to her, then forced to watch as Dave swept her away like a great wave taking all his plans and wants. He had resented Dave for it but had resolved to stay by Ella, his love for her had never dulled and as he became aware that her light had begun to waver he could no longer keep silent. He had never thought she would accept him, he was no desperado like Dave, no reckless outlaw anymore but she had kissed him back that day in the small Mexican village and his heart had soared.

Even if he had to work until he dropped he would find the money to allow Ella to gain a divorce and if after that she chose him, to be his wife, he would work hard once more to make sure she never wanted for anything and that light she held never wavered again.

"It feels like it." Ella mumbled pulling him out of his thoughts. She gave a low hiss as she touched one of the cuts. "Guess I shouldn't have fought so hard."

Doc nodded. "You always did bite off more than you could chew." It had been meant as a jest, but it held too much truth in it and he could only manage a weak smile to accompany his words.

She tried to smile too, but winced as the cut on her cheek pained her again.

"Here." Doc said pouring some of the whiskey onto the cloth. "It'll sting some."

Ella braced herself and flinched as the stinging sensation the cloth and alcohol brought burned through her for a moment. Doc cleaned her face as best he could, gently wiping the blood away and dabbing at the cuts until they stopped bleeding.

"You'll have some nasty bruises come tomorrow." He offered her the whiskey bottle the only thing he could give her as pain relief.

Ella took a long hard swig before she returned her eyes to him.

"What are you doling out here? How did you know I was here?" She asked the warming liquid numbing a little of the pain she felt.

"I didn't." Doc gave a small smile. "I'm part of Captain Woodrow Call's posse, we were tracking a Mexican bandit for a railroad company, he's been robbing trains… but Call decided to break off and follow Mox Mox once we came across his tracks."

Ella tried to hide her surprise at the name of Call and the fact the icy hand of fear brushed against her, was Call onto Joey? The thought pulled her in two directions.

"Where is your Captain?" She asked looking about them, knowing he wouldn't be anywhere near them, he would be with the children but still she couldn't help herself, she feared him, feared him for Joey's sake and for Maria too.

"He took the two children on to whatever town is nearest."

Ella nodded and then looked at him again. "What are you doin' in a posse?"

Doc laughed, it was a warm sound. "I told you I was goin' straight, I got myself a job as a deputy."

Ella smiled at him with surprise and a little hint of teasing. "A Deputy?!"

Doc laughed again a little embarrassed.

"Well, I never expected that." She said with amusement.

"What about you Ella, what are you doing out here?" Doc asked. "You never replied to any of my letters, I felt kinda sore for a while cause of it." He glanced at her his eyes sparkling with what Ella could only describe as want, not desire, it wasn't hungry… she supposed it was fondness, caring and the thought made guilt rear ugly and hard within her.

"Letters?" She said her mind settling upon his words. "I never got your letters!"

Doc looked puzzled. "But I sent you one every week, that'd make at least five… I asked you to reply an' let me know if you wanted me to come and get you, I never heard back an' when I enquired of someone from down that way they told me you'd left the village." He paused. "I thought you'd changed your mind and decided to stay with Dave, I know Dave wanted to move further up the border towards New Mexico way."

Ella hesitated, she didn't want to tell him or she couldn't, but she steeled herself knowing she had to, knowing it would only lead to more questions, questions she didn't want to answer. "Dave's dead." She whispered.

"Dave?" Doc said startled.

Ella nodded slowly. "He was killed a few weeks after you left."

"By who? What happened?"

Ella felt slightly irritated by his questions, even though she'd known they'd come. "It doesn't matter." She mumbled. She glanced at him knowing she must have sounded a little hard. "I'm just really tired Doc."

"That's okay, you should rest." He went to his horse and pulled out two large blankets. He laid one on the ground and Ella climbed on top of it, he joined her and then pulled the other blanket over them. He lay back and pulled Ella closer to him, not because he wanted to feel her against him but because he wanted her to feel safe, to know he was there and would not allow anything else to happen to her. Ella welcomed the contact, it seemed so long since anyone had held her close in such a way, she remembered Tessie snuggling up to her as she took a nap on Maria's bed, this reminded her of that feeling of belonging and warmth. She let her head rest against his shoulder and listened to his soft, even breathing, it was not long before she was in a deep sleep.


	38. Chapter 38

When Ella next awoke she felt as if she had slept deep and well, she couldn't remember feeling so rested for a long time, since she had lived at Maria's. Doc had moved from her side and was busy cooking bacon in a skillet, a pot of freshly brewed coffee also awaited. The smells invaded Ella's senses and her mouth watered. Doc smiled warmly as he saw she was awake.

She sat up and winced as the cuts and bruises upon her face reminded her of the night before. She supposed she'd had a lucky escape from Jimmy, once he knew she wasn't as accommodating as he wished he may have had his way with her and then slit her throat not wanting to drag an unwilling woman along with him. She returned a smile to Doc and pulled the blanket that had been covering her around her shoulders, the day was chill and she could see frost upon the ground in some places.

"Mornin'." Doc said cheerily as she made her way over to him and sat down.

"Mornin' yourself." She said with a small grin.

"Bacon's nearly cooked and I got coffee an' bread."

"I'm half starved." Ella said licking her lips lightly at the prospect of real food.

They were soon eating their meal and Ella could have sworn it was the best bacon and coffee she'd ever had, she could have eaten it until she felt sick but luckily there wasn't enough to go that far, but it was enough to leave her feeling full and satisfied.

"How do you feel?" Doc asked once only large cups of steaming coffee remained of their meal.

"Sore." Ella replied truthfully. "But I'll live, don't I always?" She had meant it as a joke but Doc's look became concerned.

He reached out and touched her cheek that bore no injuries. "Yeah you always live." He sighed and looked out across the plains. "Where were you headed out here all alone Ella?" He paused. "It isn't like you to go wanderin'."

"I was goin' back to Ojinaga, I was livin' with Maria and I wanted to go back to her." It was Ella's turn to pause. "I wish I'd never left."

"Why did you leave?" Doc asked his gaze fully upon her and curious.

Ella shifted uncomfortably, how could she tell Doc where she had been… or more to the point who she had been with? She didn't want to see that look of warmth and caring leave his eyes when he looked at her, she felt as if she could bear anyone looking at her in disappointment and disgust, but she couldn't bear that look from Doc. She couldn't tell him the truth that she had been with the very man he hunted, she may put Joey in danger or Doc himself. She didn't want Doc chasing Joey anyway, she'd seen Joey kill and he was fast and accurate, cold and callous. Doc too was fast and accurate but Joey had the upper hand, he had more skills and he was ruthless, uncaring. Doc was neither of these things, Doc was a good man and Joey would use that fact against him.

But still, she had to tell him something and it had to be close to the truth, she didn't want to lie to Doc.

She took in a breath and looked at him. He knew she had a confession he was not going to like, Ella always bore the same expression when she felt guilty.

"Dave was shot, he caused too much trouble with the wrong man… and…" She paused. "I never got any of your letters Doc…" She said changing the subject a little. "After Dave died I didn't feel right and I kept hopin' you'd come back and get me but you didn't so…" She paused once more. "I moved on, I had to." She forced herself to look at him, it wasn't an easy task. "I felt like I'd go crazy just sittin' waitin' and I found someone who for a time made me happy." She surprised herself with her words, she would never have described her time with Joey as 'happy' but now she had said it she supposed she had been happy in a way.

Doc's eyes widened slightly and he looked a little like he had just been slapped but he regained his composure quickly. "So… you left with this man?"

Ella nodded. "Yeah, we travelled a while… but we couldn't get along I guess." Her voice became no more than a whisper.

"He left you out here alone?" Doc said through gritted teeth, he wanted to teach the man who had treated her this way a lesson and at the same time he was annoyed with Ella for taking up with such a person, had she learnt nothing from being with Dave!

"Well we had a quarrel a good few days back."

"A quarrel?" Doc pried, he knew he was asking for more information than he should but he couldn't help it, he wanted to know everything.

"He found out about my past an' he wasn't happy." She paused and gave a wry smile. "Guess I should have told him sooner but he'd still have been mad."

"Ah Stella." Doc hissed. "You always get yourself in more trouble than I can understand." He tried to smile but it was weak and lacked conviction before his face became once again serious. He was trying hard to hide the fact of how wounded he was that she had been with another man, but he could also understand that she had to move on, he could have traveled to Ojinaga instead of just writing but he supposed he had been afraid that she wouldn't want him anymore. He regretted that decision now, if he had returned perhaps Ella would now be his wife and things would be different, but he was once again in limbo with her, not knowing where he stood and still loving her with all his being.

"Do you think he'll come back for you?"

Ella had to check herself she had been about to say Joey's name but she caught the word in time. "No, I think he's sore enough to leave me t' freeze."

Doc looked surprised. "He's that mean?"

Ella gave a small nod, knowing that this fact was as true as the fact Joey had once made her happy.

"He don't forgive easy, he won't forgive this…. he don't like whores." She said bitterly her expression betraying just how painful the memory that she thought of was.

Doc wrapped his hands around her own. "You ain't a whore anymore. You and I…" He caught her eyes with his and held them. "We ain't what we used to be, I'm not an outlaw and you ain't a whore no more." He massaged the back of her hand, wanting to comfort her; he could see the hurt in her eyes, this man had got to her badly, he had made her think less of herself, that she was no better than a common whore and Doc couldn't stand her feeling this way.

Ella looked away unable to shake the image of Joey's angry hurt eyes from her mind.

"Whatever he said it ain't true Ella, you know I never thought of you as anything other than Ella, the woman I loved."

Ella jerked her head up, her eyes connecting to his, surprise lurking in their depths at his words.

"The woman I still love." He rested his hand once more upon her cheek and smiled.

Ella felt a wave of guilt hit her hard and unrelentingly, near drowning her in the overpowering emotion. She pushed away Doc's warm hand, she couldn't stand the feeling of it upon her, she also found she could no longer look at him, his eyes bore forgiveness and understanding. She would have felt better if he had shouted at her or at least acted like he no longer wanted her, looked at her as if she were tainted goods… the way Joey had looked at her… but all Doc offered was compassion and warmth, she found she couldn't stomach it.

"You shouldn't say that Doc." She said knowing he was looking at her in confusion. "I'm no good for you, I've been with another man… an' I loved him." She found she wanted to hurt him, she wanted him to stop loving her, she didn't deserve his love and she was unsure she could return it, not now, not after Joey. She may never see Joey Garza again, he would certainly not want to see her any time soon and she could accept that, she could accept life without him. But in a strange way she could not stop loving him, she knew a part of her would love Joey until she was old and grey. Maybe in time she would meet another man she felt she could live out her life with, but right now she didn't want to allow it to be Doc. Doc was a good, kind man and he deserved better than a wife who only thought fondly of him, he deserved to be loved as deeply as he himself loved… in this moment she could not give him what he wanted and it would only lead to unhappiness for them both.

Doc gave a small nod. "I know that from the way you talk of him, though it was only a little… I think you still love him."

This statement made Ella look at Doc, his words startled her.

"But just like you still love him, even though I reckon you wish you didn't, I just can't stop loving you either." He gave her a weak smile. "Guess you'll have to put up with me at least till we get back to Ojinaga."

She couldn't stop his words warming her and fought back the tears of emotion that threatened, she hated pushing him away, she bitterly wished things were different, that she could go back to that day by the washing and kiss him over and over with that wonderful feeling of hope and excitement bubbling within her, but she could not go back in time and they were where they were.

"Thanks Doc." She managed. "But you don't need to take me all the way to Ojinaga, it's out of your way an' your Captain will be wantin' you back."

Doc shook his head. "Captain Call will catch up to me, I'm goin' to Mexico to meet up with the rest of the posse, Call will meet us there once he's delivered those children safely."

Doc's words jolted her into remembering Mox Mox and everything that had happened while she had been his captive. "The children, they're okay aren't they?"

"They seemed fine when I rode past after you, the boy had a few cuts on his face but Call will take good care of him, they'll get home to their parents, don't fret on it Ella." He smiled warmly.

Ella smiled in return beginning to feel a little uncomfortable in his presence and hot… she felt as if she were burning up. She placed a hand to her head and felt sweat upon her brow.

"You okay?" Doc asked concern furrowing his brow. "You've gone white as a sheet."

"I think I might be getting sick, I've been out in the open for days with little food an' water, I guess my body just got tired."

Doc reached out and felt her brow, his frown deepened. "You feel hot Ella, it might be a fever."

Ella tried to smile but she felt weaker than she had a moment ago. "I can still ride, tie me on if you have to." She meant the words. "I'm tired of bein' out on the plains I just want to get home, will ya take me home Doc?"

Doc pulled out a clean cloth and poured some cool water on it before mopping gently at Ella's brow, cooling her skin.

"I'll take you home Ella, don't you worry."

---

Ella found that the weak feeling seemed to grow in her limbs, her head had also begun to throb, a dull aching thud that would not abate at the back of her skull. She felt far too hot for the weather and the sweat beaded across her face and body, she wished distractedly that she could have a bath or at the very least a good wash, she felt if she could just have a nice hot bath she'd feel so much better that the fever would break and she could sleep off the after effects in a cozy bed while Maria hummed an old tune and made bread and a good broth that would heal her tired body. Teresa would stroke her hair and tell her stories about the big spiders by the well that she allowed to crawl across her hands and all would be right in the world.

But she wasn't in such a blissful environment where she knew all would be okay and all she had to do was think about feeling well again, she was mounted upon a horse in freezing weather with a man she no longer felt as comfortable with as she once did and they had a long journey ahead of them. She didn't know how far away from Ojinaga they were but she guessed no more than a week and no less than three days.

By late afternoon Ella was finding it hard to grip onto her reins, the fever was taking full control of her body. Doc insisted that they stop and make camp early. Ella didn't want to stop, she wanted to ride and ride until she came to that warm cozy room and Maria's kind face looked at her with motherly worry, but she did not have the strength to argue. Doc wrapped her in blankets and gave up one of his shirts from his pack to serve as her pillow. He had some bread and goat's milk that would be good for one more day, he heated the milk and mashed the bread into it then carefully sat her up and fed her. Although Ella insisted she could feed herself Doc did not relent and she was glad, she did not think she could have held the spoon steady but she always felt she had to protest to keep her pride, she was thankful that Doc was so firm with her. He made her drink plenty of water, assuring her they would soon find a fresh water source.

Ella felt a little better after she had eaten and drank her fill. Doc tended to her damp face and hair, wiping a cool cloth over her when she needed it. She felt so very tired, she wasn't sure when sleep took her or if it took her at all, she may still have been awake but she had dreams, vivid dreams that Joey was with her instead of Doc, that he now tended her, kissed her brow softly and told her in whispered words how much he loved her, how sorry he was, how he should never have hurt her and Ella sighed in contentment, it was a good dream waking or not…


	39. Chapter 39

The days had no meaning to Ella as the fever burned through her. She wasn't even aware when they travelled and when they rested, she knew in the dark, cold nights she cried out and mumbled half remembered conversations to people from her past, that she would often think Maria was beside her, tending her needs and would talk softly to her old friend. In the back of Ella's mind she knew it wasn't real, that none of it was happening as she thought, it was the illness that caused her to think such a way. It was disconcerting to be pulled in two directions and she found she often got confused, called Doc by Dave's name when she hadn't meant to and answered questions that were never asked. Doc told her many times through the bleakest hours, when she became fearful of the unknown, that the fever would soon break and she would not be sick forever… it would break. Ella clung onto his words, waiting for the day she would awaken from her troubled light sleep to find that she no longer felt unwell, that she was no longer afraid.

She found her thoughts began to dwell in the past once again, she played out her life in her mind like watching a stage performance, her mind going over and over certain moments and wondering if she could have changed it and what would have happened to her life if she had…

---

"Pearl's dead."

Stella turned her attention from the mirror as the woman's voice pulled her away from applying colour to her cheeks.

"Pearl?" She said her tone blank, empty.

Katie nodded. "She's dead."

Stella gave a shrug. "Well she's been threatenin' to do it for a long while, glad she finally got it over with." Her tone was callous.

"Stella!" Katie scolded her brow furrowing. "You shouldn't have teased her so, you knew she was unhappy here!"

Stella gave a huff of laughter. "She should have had a thicker skin to work in this place, she couldn't handle it an' she should've known better than t' fall in love."

Katie narrowed her eyes at the young sixteen year old sitting on a plush stool before her. There was no denying she was beautiful with long, silky dark chestnut hair that shone with a red hint when strong light was upon it, she had full pink lips and her eyes were deep, dark and beckoning holding a mysterious playful quality that so many of the customers found irresistible. Her form, although small in height was curved in all the right places, it was no wonder Johnny Duke now favored his Little Diamond Stella above all his other girls. She was dressed in a fine silk pair of pantaloons that were made to be shown, the ruffles were tied with small blue and black bows and her corset was of the finest velvet in midnight blue, the bodice covered in shaped glass beads that from a distance gave the appearance of real diamonds and sparkled as brightly as the young girl's smile. Stella had been with them less than six months and had celebrated her sixteenth birthday with them. In that short time the timid, shy, caring girl that Johnny had brought in from the cold had quickly become money hungry and cruel. Johnny constantly whispered in her ear of ways to 'better' herself, bought her pretty things and lavished attention upon her. Katie had even started to notice how much Johnny kept her back some nights; it was as if he couldn't bear to see his favorite with any man, but if a man offered a good price he would grudgingly accept. Johnny had never treated any of his girls so differently before, even Pearl who had been his favorite before Stella had not provoked such attention from him. Katie didn't think it was love, she knew the bastard too well, he was obsessed and when his interest in her tired, Stella would be a lot worse off than she had been when she started.

"Hold your tongue!" Katie said nearly losing her temper at the young girl's cruel words.

Stella gave a smug smirk. "If she hadn't tried to steal my customers maybe I would have treated her kinder." She paused. "I told her that she shouldn't try to steal my customers just cause she wanted the money to run away with that farm boy of hers!"

"You gave her money though didn't you Stella." Annie walked in from the hallway her look resentful, hateful towards the girl before the mirror. Annie was another girl that lived and worked in the house. She was skinny with dark features and was not one of the 'top dollar' Doves.

"Yeah, so what?!" Stella said losing her own temper. "She was always beggin' me for money."

"You knew what she'd spend it on, you little bitch!" Annie spat.

"Hey!" Stella said standing up to her full height, beginning to feel a little threatened by these two women. What right did they have to barge into her own personal room and talk to her in such a way! Just because she had her own bedroom and Johnny bought her gifts didn't give them any right to accuse her of anything, she was better than them and they knew it! "It's not my fault she spent it on poison, if she wanted to kill herself she would have found a way!"

"Not if she didn't have the money!" Annie retorted.

"Stop it!" Katie roared becoming more annoyed by the second, a young girl lay dead upstairs and all these two could do was spit venom at each other over their rivalry. Katie knew all too well that Annie was jealous over Stella's success and the attention Johnny gave her. Annie had always longed to be the favorite but she had never taken the Duke's fancy and now she was bitter and taking every opportunity to get to the woman she envied the most. Not that this excused Stella's behavior, but she could expect no better from her, she supposed the young girl was coping with her life in the best way she knew how.

Katie had witnessed the disgust hinting at the corners of Stella's mouth as she took a man upstairs and the haunted look in her eyes after Johnny had been for a late night 'visit'. This girl was not the callous little bitch she wished them all to think she was. She didn't want comfort or kindness, if she allowed anyone to give her such a thing the walls around her would begin to crack and she wouldn't be able to pick herself back up from the pieces she crumbled into, Katie knew this feeling all too well…

"Stop fighting, Pearl is dead and we all knew she was going to do it one way or another, she loved that idiot boy too much and Johnny wouldn't let her leave, it's no one's fault other than Johnny's."

Stella narrowed her eyes at the two women. "I disagree." She said in an uncaring whisper. "It was her own fault fer forgettin' her place an' thinking she could go off an' get married."

Annie was about to say something biting but Katie gave her a stern look that stopped the words from leaving her tongue.

"Now if ya don't mind I'm gettin' ready, get out of my room." Stella demanded turning back to the mirror and resuming applying her make-up.

The two women left without another word and Stella was finally left alone. She stared at herself in the mirror for a long moment. She had known what Pearl would use the money for and she had still lent it, part of her wanted Pearl to disappear somehow, she was Stella's main competition in the brothel, without her standing in the way Stella could really begin to save some money and Johnny had promised to buy her a small cottage one day where she could stop working and just be his mistress. The prospect of having Johnny as a lover was not an appealing one, it was true he was handsome in a sly sort of way, but she never felt right sleeping with him, she just wanted that cottage so badly and she wanted to bolt its wooden door and never let anyone else in, she could just live in peace, alone and unbothered by Johnny, Annie or the thought of dead women…

She finished applying her red lip stain and rubbed her lips together before removing any small smudges with her fingertip. She glanced at the door behind her and found herself burning with curiosity as to if Pearl was really dead, after all the other girls played many pranks on her before just because she was the favorite, perhaps Pearl wasn't dead at all. She stood up and turned, studying the closed door for a long moment before she forced herself to open it and walk through. The hallway outside was deserted, all the other women were preparing for the evening and Johnny would be downstairs in his study.

She crept quietly along the narrow corridor and up the stairs that lead to the attic room, apart from her own bedroom the attic room was the best in the house but it had been a step down for Pearl. She pushed open the door not bothering to knock, she rarely did when she called upon Pearl, Stella's intention was always to show her superiority over her. The room was messy as if someone had been looking through chests and belongings, Stella knew that one or two of the others may have already been up here taking what they wanted before the body was even cold, but such was life.

Pearl lay upon the bed and Stella walked over in uncertain steps. The young woman's hand lay lightly against the pillow, a small empty bottle beside it. Pearl's dark, expressive eyes that were normally so full of light and laughter were half open as if she were day dreaming sweetly on a summer's afternoon, thinking sadly of her beau. Indeed Stella thought that was exactly what would have been her thoughts before she took her last breath. Stella didn't think she looked dead at all, it had not been what she had expected, but then she hadn't known what she would see up here in this little attic room, death was not something that was easy to imagine… or expect she supposed. But no, she didn't look dead… Pearl just looked sad lying in her crisp white nightgown with the poison bottle upon her pillow.

---

Stella found that she couldn't shake the depressed feeling after seeing the woman's body. Johnny had arranged for someone to come and take Pearl away and store her in a locked shed until she could be buried. But Stella found her thoughts would keep flashing to the image of Pearl lying upon the bed. It disturbed her more than she wanted to admit and what was more she blamed Annie for making her feel guilty, if she hadn't said those things Stella would have never gone to see the body and would not now have a leaden feeling in her gut. Annie hadn't left her biting remarks there but took every chance to remind Stella that she was a 'murderer.' It was Annie's fault Stella felt this way and she would pay her back, she had her ways and she would make Annie pay somehow.

The chance presented itself sooner that she could have hoped for. She had craved food one night, something that was rare for Stella but she wanted something sweet and no amount of trying to ignore the feeling would stop the need. Finally she relented and made her way down to the kitchen being as silent as she could manage. Evey the cook slept nearby and she did not like any of the girls going in there when she wasn't around. Stella found some cookies baked the day before and taking a handful she crept back out already beginning to eat them before she had mounted the stairs back up to her room. As she reached the top of the stairway she paused as she heard a rustling noise and low, soft humming, it sounded happy and drew Stella's curiosity. Forgetting her cookies for a moment she walked across the plush carpeted hallway towards the door the noise came from. She crouched down and pushed the door slowly open, she knew this was Annie's room and she wondered why she was up so late, all the customers had left many hours before.

A single candle lit the room and Stella's eyes focused upon Annie kneeling by her bed. She had a tin box on her lap and with widening eyes Stella realized that she was counting money, a very large amount of money. Annie picked up a letter from nearby on the floor, read it, before pressing it to her breast and saying a name, 'Andrew'.

Stella gave a smug smirk before getting to her feet and going back the way she had just come, but instead of going to the Kitchen she took a different route, down a narrow corridor to a large wooden door that had a small, narrow brass plate upon the front that read 'Johnny Duke'.

She gave a soft knock, giving Johnny more respect than she gave anyone else. She waited a moment before knocking again, this time louder and more forcefully. She pressed her ear to the door and listened hearing movement from within, she stepped back as the bolt on the other side of the door slid open and Johnny opened the door.

He blinked sleepily as his eyes fully took in the girl before him. "Stella?" He said in a muffled voice. "It's late." He gave a sly smile awakened a little by her unexpected presence. "But if you're lonely you know you're always welcome."

Stella shook her head. "Johnny, I gotta tell you somethin'." She said her eyes wide, her acting in full force.

"What is it?" Johnny asked his tone becoming serious.

"It's… Annie." Stella said as if it was hard for her to betray another girl, of course it was the easiest thing she had ever done and inside she was already laughing. "I saw her just now… she had a lot of money Johnny and love letters… I think she's thinkin' of runnin' away."

Johnny's face darkened and a vein in his forehead stood out as it always did when he got angry. "Money?" He asked.

Stella nodded. "A lot of money."

"The little bitch!" Johnny said lowly. "She's been gettin' tips and not givin' them to me!"

"Don't be too hard on her Johnny." Stella touched him lightly, her heart hoping that he wouldn't take notice of her words.

"My Stella." He said his voice softening as he looked at the beautiful girl standing in front of him. "You're too sweet, you know that, my precious Diamond." He smiled. "But girls like Annie gotta be taught a lesson, you'll understand one day." He stroked her cheek lightly.

He turned from her, his anger returning before he marched towards the stairs. "Go back to bed." He said distractedly, his thoughts focused.

Stella trotted behind him and when he reached the top she turned and made for her own room. She waited until Johnny could no longer see her before she crept a few paces towards Annie's room, her heart beating in excitement.

It was only a moment before Johnny's voice exploded; he probably woke up the entire house.

"You bitch!" He roared. Stella heard Annie shriek in surprise. "Don't try to hide the box from me girl, I seen it!" He continued. "You been keepin' money from me an' what's more you have a man!" His voice continued to rise. "You thinkin' of leavin' me Annie?"

"No, no I wasn't." Annie tried. "Please Johnny!"

Her pleas were useless, she screamed and cried out as he beat her and then he set upon her belongings, breaking them, tearing her clothing and further punishing her by destroying all she held dear as Annie sobbed and continued to try and beg for his forgiveness.

Stella listened and smiled…


	40. Chapter 40

"What's got you so down Little Diamond?"

Stella looked up and flashed one of her bright, fake smiles. "Nothin', I'm just thinkin' is all" she said as she resumed unfastening her corset.

"Hope you were thinkin' of me, I paid a lot fer yer company tonight."

Stella flashed him another smile and walked towards him with a sensual sway of her hips. "I can't even begin to know how I could think of anyone else Wesley."

The man laughed. "You never do call me by my true name, why is that?"

Stella lightly pressed her lips to his. "Wesley is more genteel don't ya think?" She winked playfully.

"I think you're right Diamond, I might start gettin' people t' call me Wes." He smiled down at the young girl who was trying and very much succeeding in seducing him. He didn't mind that it was costing him nearly a month's pay of honest work just for two hours, but he was not an honest man or a rich man. In fact John Wesley Hardin liked to rob rich men, so in his eyes the world evened out and he enjoyed the girl's company, she was always bright and cheered his mood, he was willing to pay big for any girl that could do that for him. He'd even thought of stealing her from Johnny Duke and marrying her, but he was too restless right now, perhaps the next time he came through this way, he was sure she wouldn't refuse, not if he added his gun into the equation, no one ever refused him then.

Stella smiled and looked up at her paying customer, he always paid well and she wanted his money. Sometimes he would even tip her extra without Johnny knowing and on top of all that he was good looking, a little sharp featured perhaps but his wit was quick and his presence could draw anyone towards him. He was magnetic and all the girls wanted a night with Wesley, but he always chose Stella and she wanted to keep it this way.

"Wes is good too." She smirked and pulled him down for another kiss.

As their mouths connected she became aware he hadn't touched a drop of drink on this visit, Stella guessed he was saving that pleasure until later and they made their way to the bed. Wesley wasn't a gentle lover but he was considerate in some ways and over the months she had learned many tricks and ways of pleasing a man, Wesley liked to teach and she was willing to learn. They both lay on the bed half covered by one of the cream satin sheets in the after effects of their transaction. Wesley always offered her a cigarette in this moment and she accepted, she did not smoke often but with him it always seemed like the right thing to do.

"Tell me Diamond," he said, rolling the tip of the cigarette along his lips as he pondered. "You seem like a bright girl, don't you want to do anythin' else other than be a whore?"

Stella gave a small, sweet laugh. "If I was anything else we wouldn't get to spend time together." She blew out a cloud of smoke and smiled slyly at him.

"Cut the sweet crap" Wesley said. He was no fool; he knew most whores acted out their affectionate feelings towards their customers.

Stella gave him a sour look. "I don't know." She sighed, sensing the change in his mood, it was a gift she had quickly picked up, to sense when a man's mood changed was not only profitable, it was vital for safety. "I don't know how to be anythin' else."

"Can you cook, sew, all that stuff?"

She shrugged, "Course I can, but this work's easy." She sensed his mood was darkening and the thought of losing all that money, of it not coming her way anymore began to make her panic, she needed this man's money. "Besides, you shouldn't be so hurtful Wes."

He looked over at her, his sharp features studying her face. "When'd I hurt you?"

Stella put out the cigarette in a nearby ashtray and turned her beautiful dark eyes upon him fully. "Sayin' I pretend with you, I don't." She paused and hesitated, the desired effect was to make him think speaking of this was difficult. "You should know I care about you, you aren't just another 'John' to me Wes."

Wesley looked taken aback by her words. "So, if I asked you to marry me right now you'd say yes?"

Stella's eyes lit up and she climbed on top of him. "If you asked me I'd say yes." It was a lie, she knew he wasn't asking her, he was testing her. "But Johnny would never let me run off with you."

Wesley laughed long and hard, this was why he loved spending time with this girl, she was quick witted and a quick liar. "You're a cunning little bitch," he said through laughter. "You'd slit my throat if I had a bundle of money and not even think twice about it."

"Now that ain't fair Wes." She pressed her lips to his. "I would never hurt you."

He smiled again and chuckled, but despite what he knew to be true, it was nice to think this young woman cared about him, she could be very convincing.

"Our time's nearly up" he said, glancing at the clock upon the wall nearby.

"Well, Johnny don't have to know if we run over a little." She pulled away the sheets that covered him and slowly lowered herself down. He gave a hiss of pleasure at the unexpected action. Stella moved her hips as he looked at her, fully startled. He'd never had any whore risk a beating for him before, but then he'd never met anyone quite like Stella. She could almost convince jaded John Wesley Hardin that she could love him, that she would never forget him, that she would mourn him if he was shot down… Perhaps if Johnny ever beat her he'd kill him and the world would even out once more in John Wesley Hardin's mind…

They had stayed together for nearly an hour after the agreed time but Wesley was not worried, why should he worry over such a thing, he would pay Johnny Duke an extra few dollars and keep the greedy man happy. Stella lay resting her cheek against his chest; it was an almost blissful feeling to just be lying here in contentment, it was something he rarely experienced.

"What's your real name Stella?" he asked softly, brushing a few stray hairs from the girl's cheek.

She glanced up at him. "That ain't a gentlemanly question," she said playfully, "don't you like Stella?" She paused, studying him. "It's my real name now." She smiled and rested her chin upon his chest, watching him a moment.

"I just want to know is all; I wonder sometimes what your ma called you."

Stella pulled a face. "I never liked it anyway, it don't have any meaning, the name means nothin'."

"I'll pay you twenty dollars if you tell me." Wesley said with a grin.

Stella huffed. "Twenty? For my name, you must be crazy!"

"You know I am," he proclaimed, "now tell me."

"Give me the money first."

He gave a low sigh before searching out to his jacket and fishing the money out of one of the pockets, he held it before her but would not let go when she tried to take it. "Tell me an' it's yours."

Stella laughed. "My name is Marie-Kai" she said, and pulled again at the money.

"Marie-Kai? What sort of name is that?!" Wesley said playfully, still not releasing his grip.

"My ma said my father was an Indian, he saw my ma in a field workin'. She was only my age then and he fell so in love with her he kidnapped my ma from her family and she lived with his tribe for a time, I was born under a willow tree so they named me Kai, in his tongue it means willow tree, now give me the money."

Wesley gave a long, loud laugh and allowed her to pull the money away, his hand came to rest upon her chin and he turned her face this way and that. "I guess ya could be part Injun, but I think you're full of shit." He laughed again. "But you spin a good story from nothin' I'll give you that, and cause of that fact ya can keep the money, even if ya are a liar." He paused. "I guess you'll never tell me the truth."

Stella smiled, her fist closing around the money. "I guess you'll never find out when I'm tellin' the truth if you always think I'm lyin'."

He chuckled. "I guess so." He finally got up from the bed and pulled his trousers on. "Will you still be workin' here next time I pass on through?"

Stella pulled the satin sheet over herself, covering her nakedness. "Maybe, I might not be though, in a few months Johnny reckons I won't be workin'."

He looked up and squinted at her dark outline in the dim light. "Oh he does, does he?"

"He's buyin' me a cottage so I don't have t' work." She smiled a little smugly almost expecting Wesley to be impressed but instead he laughed in a booming, mocking way.

"Don't tell me you're that naive little Diamond!" he said, trying to control his laughter.

Stella glared at him, "What do you mean?"

"Johnny Duke ain't gonna buy you any cottage!" He said it as if talking to someone who was stupid, the tone annoying her further. "Men like him always promise things they'll never do, he's like me!" He grinned. "You'll only be at the top till he tires of you an' another girl comes along that takes his likin', with all the money you make Diamond you could have already bought yourself a cottage and a proper livin'." He chuckled cruelly. "I didn't know Diamonds could be so dim."

"You're wrong, Johnny loves me!" Stella said, unable to keep her temper in check.

"Men like him don't love anyone, open your eyes and see the world fer what it is. No one really cares what happens to you, you're just a whore, a pretty one an' a good one but still… Once you start losing your charms he'll throw you out, you'll be used up and unable to do anythin' but go work at a cow ranch on some lonely trail, selling what you got left." He knew his words were harsh but he liked being harsh. Although he liked Stella's brightness, he always liked to tease her, to see such a woman put in her place always made him smile.

Stella didn't reply, she just stared at him with dangerous dark eyes. He wouldn't have put it past the young girl to lunge at him if he provoked her further, she had a temper and he had seen it a few times. Maybe one day he would push her that little bit further to see how far she would go.

"See ya Diamond." He had finished dressing and gave a small nod in her direction. He walked out of the room and closed the door behind him, it seemed just in time, as a vase shattered on the other side. He gave a low chuckle and set off in search of Johnny to pay his debt.

---

"What did you say?" Johnny asked, staring at the young girl before him.

"I said I want out, I'm tired of workin' an' I'm tired of waitin' for you to tell me that I can stop, you promised me Johnny!" Stella's voice was desperate and she hated it, hated this life, hated everything. Many months had passed and things had only gotten worse. Johnny had ended up getting her pregnant and instead of being caring he was callous and cruel, forcing her to let Evey get rid of the 'little problem'. The remembrance of the pain, the blood, the gin and the guilt still caused her to shudder. She'd been out of work for a few weeks, too sick to even move. She'd been scared she'd die, the bleeding just seemed to go on and on and now she didn't feel so certain about her future or about Johnny. She didn't want it to happen again.

Wesley's words had begun to affect her more than she would like to admit. She hated this job, she wanted it over, she wanted Johnny to keep his promise, but there was always an excuse as to why she couldn't stop and why the cottage wasn't ready. She began to get a growing feeling of dread that Wesley had been telling the truth.

"I told you another year at the most an'…"

"I don't want to work another year! I don't want to work another day!" She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't want _it _to happen again." Her look hardened. "If ya don't pull me out… I'm leavin'."

"Leavin'?" Johnny bowed his head and gave a low laugh that held no humor. "After everythin' I've done you'd just up an' leave me?"

Stella sensed the change in his voice and backed up a step. "I'm not sayin' I want to leave you I'm just…"

Johnny stood abruptly from his seat behind his desk. "You don't leave me!" He said, his voice booming with anger. He quickly walked towards her and Stella cringed away.

"Johnny…" she tried again, but it was too late, his anger was in control…

---

Stella sat upon her bed and sniffed loudly, her clothes were ripped, her best day dress was ruined by tears and blood stains. She couldn't quite believe what had just happened, she'd been hit once before by a drunken customer, but it had only been a slap… Johnny had used his fists and her body had borne the brunt of his anger. Her face he hadn't touched, she couldn't work if her face was beaten, so he had beaten her body black and blue, the bruises were already beginning to appear across her stomach and torso and the small cut on her shoulder was only just beginning to congeal… She knew everything would change now, she'd seen it in Johnny's eyes, he no longer wanted his Little Diamond Stella by his side and he would punish her for thinking she was above him. She now knew some of the despair that Pearl must have felt, to be trapped with no way out. Stella could see how ending your own life could be a pleasant option, but she wouldn't, she could not let Johnny win. Her pride would keep her going even if nothing else did.

---

It had been two long months since she had spoken out to Johnny; Stella had paid for it ever since, more so than she ever thought she would. Even Annie, who had taunted her and taken great pleasure in her downfall, now looked upon her in pity. Stella no longer had the best room, a new girl had her place, and she lived in the attic room where Pearl had died, a room none of the other girl's wanted… Johnny sent all the worst customers to Stella, the rough men that didn't have much of a liking for women, only for the pleasures they offered and if she spoke out of turn or did anything they didn't like it usually resulted in a beating. The latest had broken two of her fingers in his drunken struggle to take her how he pleased; her fingers were now supported with stiff cloth. She knew they would heal soon but they still pained her. As the weeks took their toll the rich men stopped asking for her by name, Johnny always tried to persuade them to use his new girl and such men's loyalties were fleeting.

Stella had quickly learnt that being at the top never lasted and the fall back down was harder than she could have imagined. Blanche and Katie had taken pity upon her but it didn't help ease the rapings or beatings that were hers alone almost every night. She fought constantly with her own mind to keep herself alive, to hold onto that spark of hope that things would change.

All the girls sat downstairs, reclining upon chairs and long sofas waiting for the first wave of evening customers. Stella as always, was put far at the back so that she would not get a chance at the richer men. Lillie, the new girl, was positioned right at the front. She was beautiful, only a year older than Stella, with long golden hair and bright, light blue eyes. Her complexion was pale and flawless, she used lemon juice everyday to make sure the sun did not tan her skin and the men loved her, she was like an expensive toy doll they all wanted to play with.

"No!"

The gruff voice drew all the remaining girl's attentions, Blanche and Annie had already retired with their regular men. Stella saw that it was Wesley and he was arguing with Johnny.

"I don't want your new girl I want my Diamond!" he said. It was obvious he had been drinking, but the sight of him made her smile broadly despite herself.

"But Lillie is new and your money may well be better spent on her."

"Johnny if you don't start listenin' to me I'm goin' to kill you." Wesley said simply.

Johnny sighed; annoyed he couldn't squeeze more money out of this man for his new girl. "She's over there" he said, gesturing distractedly to where Stella sat.

Wesley walked briskly over to her. "Shall we?" he said, offering his arm.

Stella gave him a smile and for the first time in a long while she really meant it.

They retired to her new room and Wesley glanced over it, his sharp eyes taking in the smaller accommodation.

"What happened to your old room? I liked that room."

"Me and Johnny… we had a fight and, well, I ended up in here after he found Lillie… he likes Lillie now," she added, "you were right about him."

"Course I was" he said simply, turning his attention to her and studying her intently. The girl before him seemed different somehow. She was still beautiful and her curves beckoned him to take her but her eyes were sad and tired, she wasn't as cocky as she had once been. "You don't seem yourself."

Stella gave a bitter laugh, she hadn't meant to, in another situation it would have been repaid by a slap but Wesley had never hit her and she felt comfortable to an extent in his presence. "I guess things ain't goin' so well for me no more." She tried to smile but it was weak and lacked conviction. "Johnny won't forgive me, see." She paused. "He sends all the rough men to me and… they're rough men" she finished, her words deflated.

"I don't like this" Wesley said, pacing a little. He felt annoyed, he liked his whores to make him feel good, he liked his Little Diamond when she sparkled. He'd come forty miles out of his way to see her and all he got was this. He was irritated that he was not getting the same feeling from her, that she was not making him happy. "What's happened to you?"

Stella shrugged. "I'm sorry Wes, I guess what you predicted came true." She paused, "I am a dim diamond."

"I was just teasin' ya, be yourself again" he said, scowling at her.

"I don't know how," Stella said sadly, "I think that girl is gone for good."

He shook his head violently. "Nope, I don't like this." He gave a small chuckle that grew into a crazy laugh. "I guess," he said, trying to control his laughter, he wasn't amused, he just liked to laugh sometimes when something irritated him, "you'll keep on becoming more and more like all the unappealing whores around here, Johnny'll throw you out and you really will end up at a cow ranch." He paced a little more, throwing agitated glances her way. "Well I can't let that happen" he said under his breath. "One way or another."

Before Stella could even begin to react he lunged at her, pushing her onto her stomach on the bed, he then sat on top of her, pinning her arms to her sides. She gave a noise of surprise and tried to look at him.

"What are you doin'!" Stella said, panic edging her voice. "I'll do whatever you want, you don't need t' beat me!"

"See," he said calmly, pulling out his gun and studying it in the candlelight. "That ain't my Diamond, my Diamond would have fought me, would have told me to go to hell… let's see if she's still in there." He drew back the hammer and Stella felt the cool end of the barrel push against her temple.

She pressed her lips together, she'd always known Wesley was crazy, that he was an outlaw of some sort but she'd never imagined his violence would be directed at her. She didn't know if he intended to kill her or if he was just teasing her… she was dispirited to find she didn't really care. She hoped he did pull the trigger and end it all, she was tired and just wanted to rest without the fear of what the next night would bring.

"I don't think you want to fight me at all, I don't think you have much life left in you" Wesley said, watching her with his sharp, perceptive eyes.

"Then just do it!" Stella said, her tone annoyed, why was he talking so much about her faults if he wanted to kill her, why didn't he just pull the damn trigger and get it over with.

He gave a chuckle. "So, you are still in there somewhere."

Stella shot him a resentful look but remained silent.

"See, seems to me," Wesley continued, the gun still pressed to her temple, "you got two choices." Stella's eyes narrowed further. "Okay, I'll give you two choices." He grinned. "Either I can squeeze this trigger and make a mess of your pretty face, that don't appeal to me so much, I like your face Diamond but I'll do it, cruel to be kind if you get me." He chuckled again and licked his lips, he was enjoying this game. "Or I can let you up, you can pack up your belongings and leave town with me, I'll take you as far as White Oaks… I hear tell that a woman named Greathouse is good to her whores, you go work there an', well, ya can just give me a discount if I ever pass through that way."

The pressure of his weight was beginning to hurt Stella's back and she gave a vain struggle against him.

"Well, what'll it be? my finger's getting' tired and so's my patience."

Stella's mind raced, she wasn't sure which option she wanted, to be killed here and now, quickly and without much pain, it would end the unhappiness… or to just get up and leave with this man she hardly knew, depending on him to take her somewhere that may or may not be better than her current situation.

She looked up at him, fighting back unwanted tears. Finally she nodded. "I'll leave" she said in a small whisper.


	41. Chapter 41

Wesley finally let her up. Stella straightened slowly; she could already tell that she would have a large bruise upon her back in the place his knee had pushed against. She studied the thin, sharp featured man before her, noticing that he had several days stubble and looked a little older than he had the last time she had seen him. It was strange, but looking at this scruffy man she felt a renewed wave of warmth flow through her body, perhaps it was her pride coming back after being locked away so long. There had been no point having pride when it was stripped from you every night by a man stronger than you…

"Get packin'" Hardin said, putting his gun back into his holster.

"But…" Stella hesitated, perhaps now was not the time to point out that he had already paid for her services, his mind was obviously on other things than taking her to bed. "Yes" she nodded, and got up. She pulled out a large cloth bag and began to throw various clothing items into it, she would leave anything that she did not need, taking only essentials; and if she was honest, she wanted none of the luxury items Johnny had bought her, they all held soured memories. It did not take her long before she was ready for travel; she changed into a plain day dress and wrapped a warm woolen coat around her shoulders. Her Diamond costume that now lay discarded in a pile on the floor would not be travelling with her, she never wanted to hear that name again, from now on she would just be Stella and nothing else, she didn't want another stage name…

"You ready?" Hardin asked, sticking a small cigar between his lips and lighting it.

Stella nodded. "I'm ready… but Johnny isn't goin' to just let me walk out with you, carrying a bag, he'll know I'm leavin."

"Don't worry" Hardin said distractedly, more interested in smoking his cigar.

Stella rolled her eyes a little at the statement, until she was miles from this place she would worry. Johnny had threatened her and all the girls with a good beating if they ever tried to leave.

"Come on." He didn't look at her but made his way to the door. "You sure you got everything?" He didn't turn or alter his pace as he asked the question. "I ain't comin' back for anythin' once we leave."

"I have everythin' I need till I can make some money."

"Okay." Hardin blew out a large cloud of smoke and fully exited the room.

The brothel was abuzz with music and chatter, men awaiting a free girl sat downstairs in the parlor, smoking and drinking until their time came to have a little fun. Stella could see Johnny before they even began their descent down the stairs, she wanted to halt, to turn back and run to her room before he saw her and vented his anger. What if this man she was now placing all her trust in wasn't as tough as he looked? Johnny would kick him out and then she'd be left at his mercy, worse off than she had been before. The thought made her shiver but she stilled herself and began to follow Hardin as he made his way down the large staircase.

Johnny saw them before they reached the bottom and as he began to make his way over to them Stella felt her heart begin to drum hard, it felt as if it was hitting her very ribcage with every beat.

"Goin' somewhere Mr. Hardin?" Johnny said, his fake grin plastered just below his styled and curled mustache.

"Why yes I am Johnny, I'm leavin'" Hardin said, giving him a small smile, his eyes glinting with a crazy light, he was enjoying every moment.

"Well, seems one of my girls is followin' you."

Hardin turned and looked at Stella. "Looks like" he said calmly.

"You wouldn't be thinking of tryin' to take one of my girls now, would you John?"

Hardin narrowed his eyes slightly. "Now Johnny, you know I don't like that name, I told you to always call me Wes, it sounds better." He gave a small laugh and took another puff of his cigar.

"Sorry, Wes" Johnny corrected, the false manners continuing but becoming strained on his part. "You takin' one of my girls?" he asked again.

"Looks like." Hardin gave a callous grin with the cigar still stuck between his teeth.

"Well, Wes you know I can't just let you take my livin'… I own this girl."

"I say you don't own shit." Hardin's grin fell, his eyes glinting with that same crazy light. "Step aside or you'll wish you had in about five minutes."

Johnny gave an amused laugh, he didn't believe the hype that surrounded this man, they said he'd killed someone for snoring too loudly but Johnny knew better than anyone how stories could be started out of nothing and grow to become legends.

"Don't be stupid Wes, just go on your way an' we won't have any trouble."

"Did you just call me stupid?" Hardin asked with a smirk.

Johnny finally saw the crazy glint lurking within the man's gaze and found that he now wasn't so sure about himself and what he knew, there was something about this man that wasn't right. "I didn't mean it as an insult Wes."

"You did!" Hardin said, before dissolving into a deep chuckle, he looked back at the man who called himself The Duke and expected to be treated like one. "I don't like you much, I think I like you even less now I know what an arrogant sunavabitch you are, I can't stand arrogance." His laugh had died to small huffs.

Stella watched the scene playing out before her, her heart hadn't stopped its drumming and her mind couldn't make up its mind as to whether it wanted her to stay or run for the door - she found she was rooted to the spot.

Johnny narrowed his eyes at Hardin and within a split second he had decided what was to be done, he went for the gun at his hip; he managed to pull it from his holster but he had underestimated Hardin's skills. Hardin already had his gun in his hand, the hammer cocked, before Johnny had even aimed.

The gunshot resounded around the parlor like a sharp crack of wood breaking and splintering. Stella jumped at the sound and her breath caught within her throat, she fully expected to see Johnny lying upon the floor, a bullet firmly planted into his head, but Hardin's shot had not been for the kill. Johnny was lying on the floor, that much was true, but he was not dead, he just rolled and writhed in agony, his hands clasped over his groin as blood poured over his britches, coating them a sticky red.

Stella couldn't help a small huff of laughter escaping her at the sight, although she wasn't laughing through amusement but shock and surprise. She supposed later she would laugh at the situation and really mean it, after all what good was The Duke without his crown; Hardin had taken it from him as well as a lot more.

"Come on," Hardin said sharply, tugging at her arm, "lawmen will be here in the next hour when they can put down their whiskey, I'd like to be a few miles further on when they sober up."

Stella obeyed his tug and walked behind him, she glanced back over her shoulder, she knew she would never forget the image of Johnny Duke holding his groin and shrieking inaudible words in a high pitched voice. Many years later she would look back and laugh at the remembrance.

---

Stella found riding two to a horse was not her preferred method of travel; in fact the animal didn't seem to think much better of the arrangement. As they rode Hardin talked and talked and Stella drifted in and out of listening to his tales. She didn't really think he even cared if she was listening, he liked the sound of his own voice and talking about himself, it made him quite a jolly companion for the first hour or so.

But Stella was tired, she wanted to stop and sleep but instead they rode and rode far into the evening and even into the night. Hardin assured her that he knew his way over this country well enough to guide his horse in the dark but finally they did stop and sleep. But it was only for a few hours, Hardin wanted to get to their destination, he had other places to be and he was determined they would make it in the next few days. It took them nearly four days altogether to reach White Oaks. The town came into view and Stella studied it with wary eyes.

"Well this is your stop, I ain't goin' into town so you'll have to walk the rest of the way, it ain't far."

Stella slid down from the saddle and he handed her the cloth bag she had brought with her before she looked up at him, studying him once more.

"I would say thanks but holding a gun t' my head kinda makes me want to tell you t' go t' hell, so I guess I'll just say goodbye instead."

"Seems fair" Hardin said with a sly smile. "See you around Diamond, I might come an' check on you in a few months."

"Can't say whether I'll be willin' to spend a night with you Wes, but then anger dulls with time so I hear."

"I heard that too, load of shit if you ask me." He winked at her and then spurred his horse onwards leaving the young girl to her fate, whatever that may be.

---

Stella reclined on her bed eating a freshly baked piece of sticky honey cake, the sun outside her window was warm and welcoming and her thoughts were as lazy as the summer's day. She had been at Jane Greathouses' establishment for just over four months.

She had knocked timidly upon the door of the large house the day John Wesley Hardin had 'rescued' her from the life she had lived before. Jane had answered the door; she was a beautiful and striking looking woman of twenty nine. She had large, thick hair that fell in bright red waves, her eyes were a vivid green and she loved the latest fashions, especially bustle dresses, she had at least ten of them in varying colours. Jane had welcomed Stella into the house with a warm smile and later a warm meal too. There were only five other girls living and working there but they all had similar stories to Stella and with this bond between them they all got along well and treated each other with respect.

The girls could take any man they pleased, it was up to them who they slept with and what they did. Jane was fiercely protective of all her employees and most men knew not to cause a stir if they came to her house, they would get what they were given or they were shown the door. Stella found that she enjoyed this life much more than she expected, she worked during the day, sewing and darning clothing, this money took care of her food and board, for any other luxuries she just needed a man to pay her. She had two regulars and rarely took any new men into her room, they came by now and again bearing gifts and flowers, if Stella felt like entertaining them she would, if not she may just have a drink and dance with them, they still paid her at the end of the night but it was considerably less.

But Stella didn't mind, as long as she felt happy and Jane was happy with the way she worked, she didn't have any other worries. Of course most of the other girls were nothing like Stella, they wanted money to get out of the lot of selling themselves completely, to find husbands and livelihoods, have children and crops, so they took most men that came their way. Stella didn't have any longings for any such life, for the first time she actually felt content.

"Afternoon" Jane said in her usual musical and slightly amused voice.

Stella sat up and finished the last chunk of her cake. "Hey Jane." She smiled, she found that it had taken her a while to drop the act of being cruel, but with Jane and the other girl's help Stella was finally returning to who she really was.

"A little bird told me we're goin' t' get some special company this evenin'." She smiled her beautiful smile.

"Oh, who?" Stella asked in genuine interest.

"Billy Bonney's gang" she smirked.

"Billy the Kid?"

Jane nodded.

"You never told me he came here" Stella said, licking a little leftover honey from her fingers.

"He's an old pal of mine" Jane said with a twinkle in her eye.

"Well, it'll be interesting to meet him, though I hope you intend to make them bathe before they decide which girls they want." She glanced at the window, the late afternoon sunlight still warmed all that it touched and she smiled slightly at the sensation.

Jane laughed sweetly. "You always like your men clean" she commented, making her way out of the room and leaving the young woman to prepare for the night ahead.

---

The outlaw gang arrived just after darkness had fallen; it was the best course of action for them as prying eyes would be less likely to see them under the cover of the night. The Kid was a well known outlaw and one of the citizens of White Oaks might fancy collecting the bounty of five hundred dollars that was on his head. Sometimes one of the other girls would read a new article out loud if it was interesting and many of them over the last few months had been about William Bonney, he was being hunted by nearly all the lawmen in New Mexico, perhaps this newly appointed Sheriff of Lincoln County, Pat Garrett, would finally catch him, the newspapers seemed to think so.

Jane made sure all the men could have a bath, although they only had two baths in the whole household, so they had to take turns, using the same water. Stella and the rest of the girls sat absently playing cards as they came back out, a considerable difference in appearance from the scruffy, dirty looking men who had walked in. It was instantly noticeable who the leader was, he was handsome with blonde hair and blue eyes that danced with a secret amusement or mystery only he knew. There was also a tall Indian with long black hair; he too was easy on the eyes, although his presence was austere. A young boy of about fifteen glanced about nervously as if he wasn't sure his mother would approve of him being in such a place. Another blonde man appeared, his hair was shaggy and he had a well trimmed beard, he nodded towards all the girls and greeted them with a warm smile, Stella could tell this man had real manners, what most would call a real gentleman. Last to show himself was a dark haired man with sly features and a wolfish grin, his laugh was almost infectious and his wit, quick and a little coarse.

His dark brown gaze instantly fixed upon Stella, his eyes glinted with desire and longing as his gaze grazed over her, taking in every curve and she could have sworn for a moment that through his hungry stare she could almost feel his hands upon her. Stella gave him coy little looks, looks that beckoned, for she too could feel the pull between them. It didn't take him long to find a reason to talk to her.

"You have a bad hand" he whispered softly into her ear, his breath dancing across her skin.

Stella glanced up at him and smirked before looking at her cards. "I fold" she said to the other girls, placing her cards down upon the table, glad of the excuse to focus her full attention upon the man beside her.

"I reckon that was a good move" he said, straightening up as Stella again turned to look at him. "I'm Dave Ma'am." He extended his palm out to her and Stella took it softly, her eyes never leaving his.

"Stella" she said with a smile that mirrored his, full of hidden desire…


	42. Chapter 42

Ella lay comfortably in Dave's arms, it was not the first time they had lain together, in fact Stella had lost count. She thought she had fallen in love with Dave Rudabaugh and he had told her many times he felt the same way. Ella had turned all other men away after Dave asked her to save herself only for him; he couldn't stand thinking of any other man putting his hands upon her. He had changed the way she thought about many things, she wanted to get out of her profession now, live with him as his wife, have his children… many things had changed because of Dave. She no longer used the name Stella, the sound of it made her somehow feel sad and dispirited and now no one used it unless it was for a scolding or to gain her attention quickly. Dave had affectionately begun calling her Ella, it had softness to it when spoken and hearing him call her by it sent a small shiver of pleasure through her.

He distractedly caressed her arm as they lay in their moment of lazy contentment.

"Ella?" he asked in a low whisper.

"Hmm?" Ella replied, feeling reluctant to part herself from the blissful silence.

"If I asked you, you'd marry me right?" His tone was lethargic but the question held a hint of need to it.

She laughed, "Course I would".

"I might ask you soon."

Ella turned to look at him fully. "Well, that'll be a good day." She smiled, wanting to ease the slight uneasiness that lurked behind his eyes. The look had haunted his expression since the word got out that Sheriff Pat Garrett was not just hunting Billy, but all of his gang. Ella would never have said the fact out loud, but Dave was afraid. Billy Bonney may have become infamous thanks to the newspapers, but Dave was the one with a heavy set of crimes resting upon his shoulders. Doc had tried to warn her that Dave was not a good man, that he had killed many men and was suspected of raping a good few women. But Ella couldn't listen to that talk, not when she felt truly at peace, not when her life was only just beginning to go right. But she did know Dave was a wanted man and if he was caught there would be no escaping the noose.

He rested his palm against her cheek, taking her away from the unpleasant thoughts that crowded around her. "But I gotta ride to Old Mexico first, get myself a place, Billy's gonna lead us on a hidden trail."

"I know you gotta do that first," she stated simply, "I know you'll come back for me too, I can wait." She smiled dismissively, making light of the situation and not allowing him to dwell on what might be.

"What did I do to deserve such a good woman?" Dave smiled in reply and kissed her sweetly.

---

It was late, long past midnight, when Ella felt the presence in her bedroom. It awakened her from a deep sleep and her eyes flew about the darkened room, focusing fully upon the shadowed figure. She took a deep breath ready to scream when the figure darted forward, a gloved hand coming to cover her mouth, preventing her making any sound. A strong smell of sweat, horseflesh and dust invaded her senses.

"It's me Ella." Dave's voice came out of the darkness.

Ella pushed his hand away from her mouth, a little annoyed that he had startled her, and at the same time near speechless with relief that it was him, that he was safe, that the newspapers the other girls had read to her had been wrong. It had been weeks since their last meeting and news had quickly come that some of Billy's gang had been ambushed and killed at Stinking Springs. Ella had feared the worst, what else could she do when most of the world assumed him dead?

"What are you doin' here?! I heard so many stories, that you'd been captured… that you'd been killed!" She sat up in bed and pulled him down to her, thankful that he was here, that he was safe. The stale smell again invaded her senses and she knew he must have been riding for many hours to get back here, to get back to her.

"No, they got Billy, at Stinking Springs, captured him."

Ella released him. "An' Doc? The others?"

Dave was silent for a moment as if the question irritated him. "Most escaped," he frowned, "I don't want to go into it."

She let out a relieved breath, not wanting to dwell for a second on the 'most' aspect of his reply, before returning her attention back to him. "What are you doin' here?"

"I'm leavin' for good, goin' to Old Mexico… my way this time, Billy had no intention of taking us, he was riding us in circles." He paused. "I know it ain't romantic but I want you to come with me, become my wife."

Ella stared at his outline, shocked into silence by his words.

"Leave? Now?" she asked in stunted words.

"Yeah, right now, the law might be right on my tail, I gotta skin out before it's too late an' I may not come back for a while. Come with me?"

Ella hesitated, she wanted to go but it was a decision she would not be able to take back once it was made. Was she really ready to abandon all she knew for a man she had known less than four months? She'd be changing a fair life for something unknown…

"I promise I'll make ya happy Ella, I won't let you sell yourself no more, it'll just be you an' me an' we'll be happy."

She could hear the honesty in his voice and her heart ached for that life, a house, husband and children. Living quietly and how they pleased with their own hands guiding them, it's all she'd ever wanted and he was offering her heart's desire upon a plate, surely she would be a fool to not take it. She turned her gaze back to him, finding the shadowy outlines of his face and features through the gloom.

"I'll marry you Dave" she said, after a moment of silence had passed.

Dave pulled her into his arms and held her tightly, whispering sweet words and her name softly as he pressed his lips to her cheek in gentle kisses.

"You won't regret it Ella, I swear… Ella."

---

"Ella!" Her mind became awake at the sound of her name being called, for a moment she was sure she was back in her little room, safe and warm in her husband-to-be's arms, that Dave was calling her name softly. "Ella!" The voice was more forceful and sounded nothing like Dave's lazy drawl; it was soft, refined in its own way and worried… Her eyes flickered open, she hadn't even been aware they were closed she'd been so sure she was back in Jane's house…

She squinted as the bright winter sunlight hurt her eyes; it took her a moment to adjust to it before her eyesight would focus upon the man kneeling before her. She blinked hard a few times, regaining clear sight from the fuzzy blur of colours.

"Oh thank God" Doc said in whisper of relief. He looked back at her and smiled. "You've been asleep for near on two whole days, I was startin' to get worried."

"Doc?" Ella's voice sounded scratchy and strained to her own ears.

"I'm here" he said, smiling again, she felt him reach underneath a heavy blanket that covered her and clasp her hand in his, squeezing reassuringly.

"Asleep?" she said, just digesting the words he had spoken. Then as a wave lapping gently against a shore it all came back to her. Dave was dead now, Joey was gone, he had left her and Mox Mox and his band had captured her but Doc had rescued her… she'd been sick with a fever and… she couldn't remember anything else, she wished she could have forgotten most of it.

"Yeah, we are only a day from Ojinaga, but I didn't want to chance moving you while you were so sick, I think the fever's broken."

Ella reached up with her free hand and placed it upon her brow, her hair was stuck in damp strands to her cheeks but her brow felt cool, Doc was right, the fever had finally broken.

"How do you feel?" Doc asked, still clutching her hand.

"Tired," she replied truthfully, "thirsty and hungry too."

He smiled. "Well I can do something about that, then you can sleep some more and we'll set off for Ojinaga tomorrow at first light."

Ella nodded, just the thought of getting home made her spirits lift and she smiled warmly at Doc, thankful that she had him beside her, thankful that he was who he was…

---

Joey left the canyon, leaving the blond man Doc to pursue Ella, he knew she would be safe enough once he caught up to them, the Indian's horse would not be able to travel fast carrying two, and yet… he couldn't dispel the feeling of irritation. He didn't he like the blond man, perhaps once he had finished Call he would kill him, this thought lifted his spirits and a smirk hinted upon his lips. For now he wanted to focus upon Call and so he spurred his horse onwards in the direction Call had gone.

Joey had to admit that the old man had surprised him a little; his reputation it seemed was not ill given. Joey had followed Call and the blond man as they pursued Mox Mox and had been impressed that the old ranger had seemed to sense they were being followed even though Joey kept a good distance. He would backtrack and try to catch Joey out but the Apache had taught him well and Joey would not easily be seen. He didn't need a fire on the cold nights and he knew how to stay far enough behind to avoid prying eyes.

Now Joey was following Call and the two children he had saved from Mox Mox's clutches, Joey was a little annoyed that the old man had killed the Manburner, now all his plans of taking Teresa and Rafael to be burnt by him were dashed. Still, Joey did not lose hope completely, he would perhaps take his younger siblings deep into Mexico, sell them to a rich man so they could be used as slaves, his mother would never be able to find them if he took them far enough. But then there was the possibility that no one would want them, they were damaged… but still, other options remained if it came to that. He would take them up to his cave and throw them off the steep cliff, that at least should let his mother know how much he disapproved of her life and the men she had had in it. Then things would change, his mother would know he was to be obeyed and she would do as he said.

Call's tracks were more than easy to follow, by the second day the horse the children had been mounted upon had become lame, Call gave them his horse and led them towards the town that was now just in sight. By midday they had entered the town. Joey waited as patiently as he could, but he was annoyed that Call seemed to intend on spending some time in the town. He had to admit the old man had not looked well after such a long journey by foot, Joey expected he would be there for a few days at the least, regaining his strength before he rode to join the rest of his posse.

Joey made camp a few miles outside of the town, but the waiting bored him and by late evening he was restless and his temper was rising with every hour that passed. He had a strange ache that would not leave, no matter what he did it remained, even thinking of killing the famous old ranger did nothing to dampen it. He knew only too well that if Ella had been with him he could have lain with her and experienced that blissful release that made him feel as if he was free falling and it would be quenched, his focus would return… but that whore wasn't here. Why he had even spared her life at Roy Bean's he was still unsure. It would have been so easy to crush her throat within in his hands, yet he hadn't… he had let her go… even now he was annoyed at himself for being so weak in that moment, perhaps it was the lure of desire she held, the feeling she gave him, perhaps he wanted to use her again at a later point and this is why he had allowed her to live.

He shook his head, annoyed with his own thoughts. What need did he have for her; one whore was as good as any other. He knew there was a small boom town not seven miles from where he now sat, he could go there and find a saloon, satisfy his hunger and return within a few hours. Call would still be holed up in his hotel room and Joey would feel less agitated.

---

Joey entered the saloon, he had made good time and it was still early in the night when he arrived. The saloon itself was just like many others he had seen, small with a few drunken men scattered at the tables, some passed out, some playing cards and talking loudly.

A group of women sat at a table talking quietly, their scanty attire instantly broadcasting to everyone that they were whores. Joey allowed his gaze to graze over each of them; there were four in total, a blonde who was thin and pretty with large brown eyes, two Mexican girls and a dark haired white girl. Joey studied the fourth intently, she had a pretty heart-shaped face and her eyes were a light green in colour. She wasn't exactly what he wanted but she would have to do.

He walked slowly over to her and wrapped his gloved hand around her wrist, tugging her up from her seat; he saw no need for words. She stared at him, startled for a moment not only by his unexpected actions but by the fact the man that had chosen her was nothing like the normal rabble that came into the dirty little place. He was handsome, some may even have dared to call him beautiful and he had an aura to him that pulled her to him, she found that for a moment her voice was lost before she regained herself.

"This way" she said softly and began to lead him to the back of the room, through a curtain and into a narrow hallway. Four doors lead off into private rooms that the girls used to entertain their customers and she opened one of them and gestured for him to go inside before following.

"It's two dollars" she said, closing the door behind her.

He turned to look at her, his deep blue eyes grazing over her body and she shivered, if he now told her he had no money she'd allow him to stay anyway, it was rare she got anyone as beautiful as this young boy.

"Have you got a name?"

He removed his hat and took the rifle from his shoulder, laying it carefully against the wall. "Joey" he said, not looking at her but gracing her with this small piece of information, expecting her to feel grateful for it.

"I'm Charlotte, most just call me Lottie" she said, hoping to again some sort of reaction but his smooth face did not hint at any expression. She hesitated, "Is there anything you want in particular?" She wanted to hear his voice again, it was thrilling to have someone clean and young before her, it made a spark light up somewhere inside her, which flickered and whispered that she was too young to be used up.

"No," he said simply. "Undress" he ordered.

Lottie obeyed, for the first time in her many months of working at this run down shack, after so many men coming into her bedroom, she found she was blushing slightly at the sensation of his eyes upon her as she slowly began to remove her clothes. When she had removed everything and she stood before him naked she slipped under the covers, sensing he was not a man who counted patience as one of his virtues. He wasted no more time and removed all of his clothing, placing his gun and knife onto a chair near the bed.

Joey roughly pulled the covers away from her body and lowered himself onto her. Their lips connected and he felt the desire beginning to burn within him, his lips merged into hers, verging upon violence in their need and want. Without waiting for a moment longer, Joey roughly parted her legs and slid inside, the woman beneath him groaned sweetly against his lips as he began to thrust slowly, in the way he now enjoyed, the way _she_ had taught him. He broke the kiss and studied the girl a moment; her eyes were closed in pleasure, her plump lips moving in silent sighs and groans. But Joey's face was not in any expression of enjoyment, although perhaps his methods now pleased women more, he was not pleased, the sensation was not the same. He could feel more shivers of need flickering through his skin as the woman below him caressed his shoulders, but he had no desire to touch her and feel her beneath his hands… it wasn't the same and this annoyed him, annoyed him more then he would ever like to admit. The sick, disgusted feeling was beginning to build within his stomach, something he had not felt in a very long time. The sensation repulsed him, the girl repulsed him and his anger flared and grew.

He gritted his teeth, what had that woman done to him?! She had awakened a lust within him that only she could quell. He was dependant on her, the thought infuriated him, that fact that this whore beneath him could not give him what he wished just embittered him even more.

He gave out a sound of frustration and reached out to the chair, his hand clasped around his sleek, curved dagger and he nimbly pulled it out of its sheath. He glanced down at the girl, she was still in the throes of enjoyment, despite his feelings Joey had not abated in his thrusts and she was taking full pleasure in what he did. Joey slowed his pace and finally stopped, he leant near to her ear and she arched her back at the feel of his movement. Without another thought Joey brought the knife up, and with one swift movement he sliced deeply across her exposed skin, opening her throat. Blood cascaded in a torrent from the wound, coating her chest in sticky red liquid. Her eyes flew open and she stared up at him, her eyes full of hurt surprise. The one man she had really desired had just killed her… she supposed it was just her luck…

She stared up into his eyes as they watched her with interest as if he wanted to catch the very moment death would take her. She tried to take a breath but felt as if she were choking upon the very air that she knew could save her, she tried to swallow but this too only intensified the unpleasant feeling. She reached up and placed a bloody hand against his cheek, perhaps she had meant to fight, but her palm rested softly against his skin. His eyes flickered for a moment as if deciding if he would allow this action, he finally relented giving her this one last pleasure. Joey's eyes once again watching her, waiting. She felt like her very mind was flowing out of her along with the blood, out of the corner of her now blurry gaze she could see the blood reaching the bed clothes, soaking into them in red blooms. She suddenly felt tired and her eyes began to flutter closed, she just needed to sleep and all would be well once again, her last look at the world was into those mysterious, cold blue eyes, hinting with cruel intent… and then there was nothing more but darkness.


	43. Chapter 43

Joey sat upon the bed cloaked in a fetid silence. The whore had been dead for nearly an hour; her blood was drying upon his skin, flaking into brittle red clumps. The pool of blood that surrounded and covered her had already begun to congeal. The whole room seemed to have a tangy, metallic smell to it and he breathed in deeply, somehow the aroma calmed his senses, it was strangely pleasant in its own way. His thoughts were not upon the dead girl lying nearby, he had already forgotten her existence, she was no more than an inanimate object to him now, his mind was fixed upon the dull ache that pulled unpleasantly inside of him somewhere. It frustrated him immensely that no matter how much he searched he could not find the place it came from, it seemed to move just when he was certain his mind had located it. He assumed it was not something that literally hurt inside him, but that it was dull need for her, for Ella… he felt angry at the thought and dismissed it, but still he could not stop the feeling akin to pain, flowing like the very blood through his veins and he did not think he could fix it… not unless he could think of a way to still it for good.

He finally rose from the bed and went to a small wash stand in the corner of the room, he filled the bowl with fresh water from a jug and taking up a cloth began to clean the blood from his skin. He was pleased that at least his clothes were unspoiled and still lay in a pile on the floor. Once he was finished he dressed slowly, taking his time in the act, letting his mind mull over certain options and courses of action he perhaps could take. He knew he did not want to feel this way again, maybe if he had never enjoyed himself with _her_ he would not feel this way, he would not have needed to find himself a whore on this night and he would not have had to kill her, it was all Ella's fault that it had happened…

He finished buttoning his shirt and ran his fingers through his hair, making himself look presentable once more. He stared at his reflection in an old dirty mirror for a moment and gave a smirk, the answer had been staring at him the whole time, _she_ had even managed to cloud his judgment and planning it seemed, but only for a short time. His gaze was drawn to the bloody dead woman and he turned, studying the corpse fully before he walked forward in casual steps, his hand gripped the knife and he took the soiled weapon over to the basin where he washed it clean. He studied the blade, watching the candlelight glint off the sharp, metal edge. He closed his eyes and remembered the feeling of his knife cutting through flesh, bringing an end to the woman's life and it was all so clear. He smirked again and re-opened his eyes, all he had to do was remove the temptation fully then the ache would stop, once he was finished with Call he would see that it ended…

---

Ella was able to ride the next day. She felt much better in her mind but her body was weak, she knew with some good rest and perhaps, if she was lucky, some of Maria's cooking, she would be back on her feet in no time.

Doc treated her as if she were made of precious china, at any other point in her life this would have annoyed Ella, made her feel as if the person treating her this way thought she was weak, unable to care for herself… vulnerable, but with Doc it wasn't this feeling at all. She felt safe as he made sure she drank enough water or that the blanket was wrapped tightly around her. She didn't think another human being had ever treated her with such tender love and care. His smile always made her smile in return and her heart seemed to feel almost weightless in her breast as his eyes looked at her, concern shining from within.

They entered Ojinaga at noon, it was a cold winter day and the wind was harsh, battering against her cheeks and leaving a smarting pain behind. But the familiar sights of her old home, of faces she knew just from a glance warmed her heart and seemed to keep the cold from reaching her bones.

Then her eyes fell upon the one face she had longed to see for so long. Maria's brown eyes flashed with recognition and she walked towards them in hurried steps. At the sight of her old friend's concerned expression Ella's emotion burst like water breaking through an unstable dam. She covered her mouth as loud sobs began to come forth from deep within her and tears poured unrelentingly down her cheeks. She clumsily got down from the horse, her muscles still felt shaky from lack of use and she swayed as her feet touched the ground. Her legs hadn't been expecting the impact and they began to give way, within a moment warm strong arms surrounded her, supporting her and taking the weight away from her tired limbs. Ella looked up into Maria's face, her friend smiled welcomingly; her eyes glistened with unshed tears and glinted with worry.

"Maria" Ella breathed, wrapping her arms around the older woman and holding her as tightly as she could manage.

"Ella, what has happened?" Maria asked, returning the embrace. Her gaze went to Doc, re-asking the question.

Ella's senses quickly came back to her, Doc still did not know about Joey and this would not be the best way for him to find out, she would tell him when she was ready, whenever that may be… she didn't even know if the time would ever be right to depart the information.

"I was abandoned." Ella said pulling back and looking at Maria, telling her silently not to mention Joey with a stern look and slight shake of her head. Maria seemed to understand from Ella's signals that now would not be a prudent time to mention her son. "Mox Mox captured me."

Maria drew in a breath through her teeth. "The Manburner?!"

Ella nodded and glanced back at Doc. "Doc saved me." She had already decided now was also not the best time to mention that Doc was part of the posse that was hunting Joey down, she would avoid all talk of Call if she could and warn Doc when they were alone, when she felt stronger and able to handle the backlash the revelation would cause from both sides.

"Are you badly hurt?" Maria asked, running her hands over her young friend's injured face.

Ella shook her head. "They're old injuries from Mox Mox and his men." She paused, licking her dry lips. "I'm just weak is all, I came down with a fever, a bit of rest and I'll be fine."

"You shall come home with me!" Maria declared, her tone warning them both she would not take any arguments. "You too Doc, I shall feed you and you can clean yourself."

Doc gave a small grin. "I'd be much obliged for that Ma'am." He gave a tip of his hat.

Ella continued to clutch onto Maria, her legs didn't seem to want to hold her weight.

"She is too weak to walk." Maria's normal authoritative ways made Ella smile, she had missed them. "You carry her; I will lead your horses, si?"

Doc gave a small laugh at the obviously formidable woman before him and nodded.

"I can walk" Ella protested as she was guided towards Doc, knowing that the statement may prove to be false at any moment.

"Now, don't argue," Doc chuckled, "besides, I don't mind, you don't weigh all that much." He grinned again at his good humored teasing and Ella couldn't help but smile.

Doc carefully picked her up and Ella wrapped her arms about his neck for support. Maria led the way towards the house with the horses and Doc followed. It seemed most of the town had come out to watch her return, Ella thought that no doubt they were all wondering what had happened to her, whether it was Joey's doing or if Joey was already dead, killed by Captain Call and ridding them of any more of his unwelcome visits…

The sight of the old adobe she had once called home made tears brim once more in Ella's eyes, it hit her suddenly and with unexpected force that she hadn't really thought she would ever see this place again. Teresa and Rafael, she soon learned, were visiting Billy and Ella found she was a little glad of this fact; she wanted a moment to bask in the silence and peace that the little home offered. Inside was warm, welcoming and homely.

"Put her on my bed" Maria said, gesturing to the curtain behind which lay one large iron bedstead and three other make shift beds in alcoves. Ella had never really ventured beyond the curtain; her own bed had been in one of the small alcoves in the main living space. As she was carried in, Ella found that despite herself she wondered which bed had been Joey's…

Doc sat her upon the bed and knelt before her, unlacing her tired, worn leather boots. His actions were soft and Ella smiled feeling grateful for his gentle hands upon her sore feet.

"Hope they don't smell too bad" she said with a weak smile.

Doc laughed. "They don't smell at all, maybe I have too much dust up my nose" he teased, making her smile again.

Ella could hear Maria bustling around in the kitchen and turned her gaze back to Doc. "Doc," she began, drawing his attention away from his task of unlacing her second boot, "it's best you don't mention Call… or that you're a lawman to Maria."

Doc furrowed his brow. "Why? She don't seem like the law breaking type" he joked.

Ella gave a wry smile and then her courage failed her, now wasn't the time to lay the truth out before him. "Call hung her father and brothers when she was a child… she don't have any fondness for lawmen cause of it and even less for Call, she's still bitter." Ella knew she was in fact telling the truth, but she wasn't telling him everything, perhaps that could come later.

Doc nodded. "I see, well I'll keep quiet, say I was just passing near the area and saw Mox Mox's tracks."

Ella smiled a little more warmly. "I think that's for the best." She rested a hand tenderly upon his cheek and felt that all too familiar flicker within her, a strange buzzing feeling that seemed to rest flutteringly within her stomach.

The curtain lifted and Maria poked her head through, interrupting their conversation. "She must wash." She was carrying a large bowl of steaming water, soap and a cloth. "I will find you water soon, you can eat until she is washed and dressed. Food is on the table."

Doc gave a certain nod and a friendly smile. "Thank you for taking such good care of my Ella."

Maria grinned; this man's sweet words pleased her. She stood aside so that he could get past her before she entered the small room, drawing the curtain fully behind her. She placed the bowl upon a chair and turned to Ella, without a word, only a reassuring smile, Maria began to help Ella out of her dirty clothes until she was dressed in just her loose undergarments. "When you are clean I will go and get your clothes from your old house, Gordo has still been looking after it."

"Gordo?" Ella asked in puzzlement.

"Well, I made him look after it" she grinned.

Ella gave a small laugh. "Thanks, it will feel good to be clean."

"These wounds on your face" Maria asked, her finger circling near a few of the bruises, her tone was as if she was afraid of the answer. "Were they done by Mox Mox or…" she hesitated, "My son?"

Ella smiled weakly. "No, I was telling the truth, it was Mox Mox and one of his gang members." She lowered her gaze. "I was lucky to get away with so little I guess."

"Yes, you could have been killed, that man is evil!" Her eyes bore clear dislike at even thinking of the Manburner.

"He was," Ella corrected, "he's dead."

"Dead? How?" Maria's eyes widened.

Ella suddenly found her mouth dry; it had been so easy to nearly trap herself into revealing all about Call and Doc, her mind rushed. "Doc's friends" she said finally, sighing as if she was tired.

"Where are his friends now?"

"They had other business" Ella lied. "Doc followed one of the gang members that took me a good few miles, had thoughts of making me his woman I guess, but Doc caught up to him and he brought me back."

Maria nodded. "I felt you did not want me to mention Joey" Maria said lowly so that her voice would not carry.

Ella glanced at her friend. "I don't want Doc to know" she admitted.

"I will not talk of him, but you must tell me now while we are alone what happened." She hesitated, "Is he safe?"

Ella glanced once again at Maria, even though her argument with Joey now seemed to have happened so long ago the pain of it still felt fresh, like poking at a wound that hadn't fully healed. She nodded. "He's safe as far as I know."

"He left me with no horse, no food and no water." She paused. "I want ya to know Maria that I didn't want to leave Crow Town with him, he forced me…"

Maria gave a slow nod, her expression stating she had expected as much. "But why did he leave you?"

Ella found her mouth felt dry once more. "He found out… about my past" she said with effort.

Maria looked a little surprised. "You did not tell him?"

Ella shook her head. "I knew he'd be mad, you know how he dislikes… whores."

Maria nodded. "He dislikes women, that is the truth, dislikes all people." She dipped the cloth into the hot water and lathered up the soap as if she had to do something with her hands. She began to clean Ella's arms and face with gentle strokes.

"It would never have gone well." She paused. "Joey… has never really been interested in women or love…" She paused again. "I was shocked when I found out you had been together, I did not think Joey would ever want anyone else but himself for company." She washed Ella's neck and the young girl flinched as the cloth skimmed over her bruised, tender skin that still remained from her and Joey's last meeting. "What is this?" she said, leaning closer to inspect the faded injury. "Was this Mox Mox too?"

Ella hesitated. "No" she said slowly, knowing that there was no point lying to her friend, lying had already got her into too much trouble and she was still doing it, the least she could do was be honest about everything else. "It was Joey." Maria's eyes widened and she took a deep breath through her nose as if suppressing her anger. "He was upset when he found out about my past… like I said, you know what he's like." Her words were no more than a whisper, she didn't want to remember that day, right now she didn't really want to remember Joey.

Maria's gaze was drawn again to the discolored skin but she remained silent, the anger remaining to blaze behind her eyes. "I will let you finish washing, leave your under garments on the chair and I will wash them soon, I will go and get your fresh clothing." Maria gave her a warm smile before turning and leaving the room.

Ella obeyed Maria and washed herself fully, leaving her undergarments in a neat but dusty pile on the chair before wrapping herself in a snug blanket. Ella knew that Maria was not upset at her; she knew her friend's reaction had been caused by shock and anger. No mother ever wanted to be shown how bad their child could be and Maria knew Joey was not only bad but dangerous to even those who loved him.


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N**

**A huge thank you to lacryma, your support and detailed reviews mean the world to me. I know this series wasn't popular and I'm very grateful to anyone that reads and overjoyed to the point of being a huge spazz if anyone reviews.** **Thank you to bess too, I would have thanked your personally but since you aren't signed up on FF I can't send you a note. I'm glad you liked the Joey and Ella picture though and I'm really flattered you decided to read my story, thank you :) I hope to hear from you again.**

**Well the end is near, it will be around 61-65 chapters until it's completed and I'm really going to miss this story. I've had a lot of fun writing about Joey and he has become one of my favourite characters even though I'll never fully understand him haha**

**Enjoy**

---

Joey left the room in a bloody state, knowing that no one would bat an eye to the fact that a cheap whore was dead. He opened the door and came face to face with a familiar man. John Wesley Hardin studied him a moment with his sharp, cruel eyes.

"Well if it ain't the Garza pup!" His words were unfriendly but his tone betrayed that he was pleasantly surprised at seeing the young killer before him. "I can't say I expected to see you in a place like this, you here with your little lady?" He peered into the room behind Joey. His eyes widened at the bloody scene that met his gaze and his brows knitted together in high annoyance. "You didn't kill her did ya?" His voice rose a little, betraying a hint of displeasure and shock.

Joey gave a casual glance over his shoulder. "No," he said simply, "it is just a whore." His voice expressed no more meaning than if he had been dully commenting upon the weather.

"You've made quite a mess," Hardin said with a laugh, "she not your type?" He squinted at Joey, enjoying his light teasing.

Joey glanced up at him with cool eyes, their depths clearly stating this old man's questioning was beginning to irritate him. "No."

"Well, she must've angered you bad for you to want to kill her like that, mind you women are wicked little creatures, some of 'em just deserve it." His eyes glazed over with memory and he smiled. "They sure do." He stood for a moment lost in thought, blocking Joey's way before he came back to himself. "So, where is your little lady? If yer done with her I'll take her off yer hands, took a shine to her look in Crow Town." Despite the fun he knew he could have in revealing all he really knew, Hardin was a gentleman of his word and would keep his Diamond's secret until it no longer benefited him, besides he enjoyed knowing something the Garza boy didn't about his woman.

"I left her out in the desert." Joey's voice was bored.

"Well, that wa'nt very gentlemanly of ya," Hardin said, chuckling. "You get bored of her?"

Joey gave him a lazy glance that plainly stated he would not answer that question and that Hardin was beginning to push his luck too far. "Mox Mox found her but Woodrow Call saved her." He shrugged.

"Mox Mox? He's dead; I saw his frozen corpse a few days ago on my way here." He paused.

Joey already knew this, that the Manburner was dead. He knew the effects of gunshots, studied them and the Manburner had been lung shot. Not many survived that.

"You know I should be mad at you pup, you're the reason I had to up and leave Crow Town!" His eyes sparkled a little. "Your mother took all the whores outta that place, can't say I like that woman much but she got spirit I'll give her that." He giggled. "But I can't stay where there ain't no whores, I was just starting to like that place." He clicked his tongue in over dramatic annoyance.

Joey gave him another cold glance but remained silent.

"I should be mad but I ain't, as I said you remind me of myself boy." He pursed his lips. "What are you doin' out here anyway? Thought you'd be after the next train comin' on through."

Joey again gave him a steely look and said nothing in reply; he was becoming tired of this old killer and his constant chatter.

"Never were big on talk were you?" Hardin said with a low laugh.

Joey placed his hat upon his head and made to walk past the older man, his actions firmly stating the conversation was over.

"Say…" Hardin said, making Joey stop once again. "Humor me; I bought you plenty of whiskey back in Crow Town."

Joey closed his eyes, trying to push back the anger and annoyance that was beginning to bubble inside him because this man was delaying him from where he wanted to be, waiting for Call. Why he gave Hardin the leeway to behave this way was a puzzlement to him, perhaps in some small way Joey held a speck of respect for this old man, a killer for many years and still standing.

"That little lady of yours, you shot her husband I heard."

Joey's cruel gaze looked into Hardin's face as if judging him, weighing him up somehow that made Hardin feel slightly uncomfortable. Few men had ever made John Wesley Hardin feel this way and as he looked into the young boy's eyes he felt the skin upon the back of his neck crawl at the empty bleakness they seemed to possess in their blue depths. There was no fun of youth, no excitement of life, no spark of what the future could hold… there was nothing.

"Si," Joey replied simply.

"Did you do that 'cause of her or 'cause you didn't like the man?" He licked his lips, enjoying the game. "You can tell me, killer's code ya know," he winked

Joey cast his cold gaze across the man fully, his look stating that he was trying to decide if the man before him was a fool or just crazy. Seeming to decide upon the latter he looked him squarely in the eye.

"The man was Dave Ruddabaugh… he wanted my train."

"Ruddabaugh huh!" Hardin exclaimed. "I met him once, he was irritating!" He paused as Joey made to leave once again. "But you didn't answer my question, see if it were me I'd have killed him just to get her, she is a sweet, fresh pretty thing ain't she?" He winked. "Something about her that makes men like us want some of what she's got." He gave a gruff laugh.

Joey swung back around, his blue eyes suddenly awakened out of their coldness and burning with dangerous icy fire. Hardin looked into his face, detecting the slight hardness of his jaw, a tightness of his lips. The boy was not easy to read, he normally hid his emotions well but not this time, Hardin could read him easily, the pup knew about Diamond's past and by the looks of things he hadn't been too pleased to hear any of it, so that was the reason he left her. Hardin knew Joey was now trying to decide if he was letting on more than he was saying, whether he too had once been in the girl's embrace, but Hardin would never tell, he liked to think of himself as a gentleman after all, even in it wasn't true.

Joey regained himself, reeling back the anger, deciding that John Wesley Hardin really would have to be insane to try and rile him; the old killer knew more than most what Joey was capable of.

"Si," Joey said finally, "I killed him for both reasons." He looked down at the floor before meeting Hardin's gaze again, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth, giving him a cold, callous look. "I like to take things that are not mine." Without another word Joey left Hardin in the hallway.

Hardin watched after the boy for a moment before letting a gruff chuckle escape him, he had told Ella and he had been right, but she never had really listened to his advice unless he forced her. That young boy was dangerous; Hardin knew it and could see his soul was damaged beyond repair. A dark sickness ate away at him from inside, it would consume him until nothing was left but a hollow empty shell that could only feel any small spark from killing over and over, he'd seen the type before and they never lasted long, always ended up dead from the sheer need to quell that dull, unrelenting need. Still, he felt a small unpleasant tug in his gut at the knowledge that the girl wouldn't survive. He'd had a soft spot for Diamond Stella for many years and his memories of her were warm and fond. But he knew that life always dealt you fair cards in accordance to the company you kept and Hardin knew if she didn't get away from that young bandit, somewhere he couldn't find her, the Garza boy would kill her…

---

Ella awoke to a warm winter's day; the sun was already creeping through the shutters. She stretched and gave a loud yawn before pulling herself into a sitting position. Her attention was caught by a slumbering figure sat in the corner, his chin rested upon his chest as he dozed. Ella gave a small laugh at his sweetness; it touched her that Doc hadn't wanted to leave her side. He had said the previous night that he was worried that she wasn't fully well and would stay until she fell asleep, it seemed his own tiredness had caught up to him quickly and he hadn't made it to his own bed.

Ella watched him sleep for a moment and smiled. She had forgotten just how much his mere presence made her smile, how safe she felt when she was with him, and she had to admit that the small spark was still there, flickering somewhere inside of her, perhaps it had been waiting for him to return and rekindle it fully… It was true that the feeling wasn't as powerful as what she felt for Joey, the love she had for Joey was all consuming, destructive and painful, while the love she hoped she could feel for Doc was warm, kind and welcoming. It promised a future, a home, happiness and a family. The temptations were hard to not pay attention to and his sweet words still rang in her mind, his soft voice speaking gently of how he would always love her…

She considered whether this was her true path, she knew that she would always ache for Joey, that she would never stop wanting him even if she wanted to do so, it was a addiction she would never escape from but she could now clearly see how it had no future, only fleeting moments, and she would be left with nothing but bitter memories. With Doc there could be so much more and she felt more certain by the minute that it would be quite easy to fall in love with him, he would make it easy and in her heart she wanted it, wanted him.

Doc stirred, suddenly shaking Ella from her thoughts. His steel blue eyes fixed upon her as he became fully awake.

"Mornin'" he said with a warm grin that seemed to light her very heart.

---

Joey had found he had no reason to rush back, Call stayed in town for two more days. It was just as Joey had assumed, the old man was not up to long journeys and it had left him needing rest. Joey found that his annoyance grew daily that he had to wait for such a long amount of time; it seemed that Call kept disappointing him. In Joey's mind Call was meant to be his great adversary, the man that could beat him but wouldn't because Joey knew no one could… but this Texas Ranger was old and incapable of even shooting seven men from a good vantage point, he had been nothing but a disappointment, but then it also seemed no one else knew all these facts, not yet anyway. If Joey killed him quickly he would go down as the great bandit who had killed the famous Woodrow Call, this appealed to him greatly and so he stuck by his plan and allowed the trains he would normally be stopping to slip from his mind.

On the third day Joey looked through his telescope towards the town as he had done for the past two days, he felt his skin prickle with excitement as his gaze rested upon Call's ambling form. From the way he moved Joey could tell he had some kind of problem with his limbs, they were stiff and it took some time for the muscles to warm up, an old man in Ojinaga had suffered from the same affliction and it always grew worse In colder weather. It seemed the ranger had recovered and would be riding out that day, Joey was glad, he was tired of waiting. His patience was long and he could wait for many hours or even days to get what he wished, but he was also young and the impatience of youth tugged uncomfortably at him in such situations.

Call was walking with a blonde haired gringo woman, she was pretty but had a roughness about her that Joey instantly disliked, she seemed almost uncouth in her movements and manners. Joey watched them both with interest. Perhaps this woman was the Captain's woman, he considered trying to kidnap and kill her in the same way he had killed Bentio, and, allowing her to crawl back to Call, he would make sure the old man found her body - or perhaps he could silently slip into the town during the night and slit her throat in a similar manner to the whore he had killed a few nights ago. The thoughts were appealing but a wise voice warned him not to discount Call yet, he may seem old but there was an air about him, an aura that spoke of danger, knowledge and experience. He would wait for his time and then Joey would take it, he knew he would bring an end to this old man's life, he felt no impatience for it to be done, he only felt a slight flurry of excitement.

Joey really wanted to travel back to Ojinaga and finish the task he had set himself, so that he could finally be free. After he had done that he would kill the rest of Call's posse and he knew he would take some pleasure in killing the shaggy blonde haired man…

---

It did not take Call long to sort his belongings and mount his horse. Joey watched his departure with surprise, not at how adept and quick the man was getting his gear together but for the fact that Call was talking to the gringo woman at length, it seemed he was arguing with her. Finally Call seemed to win and the woman stormed off back in the direction of the hotel. Joey watched as Call mounted his horse and then he too got into his saddle and made ready to follow the old Texas Ranger. Joey could normally read people well, perhaps not as well as John Wesley Hardin, who seemed to have a gift for such things, but he was good at guessing people's emotions if they were strong and he had gotten the impression that Call was not too attached to that woman he had left back at in the town, but then many men acted such a way to their sweethearts or wives… Joey supposed he would never learn the truth, but of course he didn't really care.

Call rode for the whole day until his horse began to slow to a leisurely trot. He chose a small thicket of trees and brush to make camp. Joey dismounted a good way from him and watched him again as he made a fire and cooked a meal. After watching the old ranger for a little while Joey rode back the way he had come for a short distance and found himself a good place to make camp, he would rise before dawn and tomorrow would be the day the old man would die, the plan was already forming fully within his mind. Perhaps it was rather a crude old Apache trick and he supposed many rangers would not be fooled by it but Joey was aware the old man's eyes were failing him and it gave him the upper hand. He knew he could have thought of a better a way, a way that would need much planning and thinking, but Joey did not feel he had the time, he did not want to linger longer than he had to, he felt he had more important business to attend to. He mulled over the ideas in his head as he ate some bread and dried beef. If Ella had gone back to Ojinaga, which Joey believed would be the truth, then all he would have to do was wait and watch, she would be at his mother's house, he knew his mother would have taken her back in, whores always stuck together… Ella would be helping with chores as she always did to earn her keep and Joey could easily sneak into the village unseen, he could take her while she was hanging out washing, gathering food or many other small things… he liked this idea and smiled smugly to himself. Then once he had her he would bind and gag her and take her up to his cave, it would be awkward to lug another person up there but he knew he could do the task, if she made it hard he would beat her until she did as she was bidden.

She would see his best kept secret, all his treasures within, things that many men searched and longed for, he could see her awe struck face in his mind's eye and smiled again. But the main question still stood, how would he kill her once he had her? He could easily recall her face, her features and her expressions, he had to admit that she was beautiful, her eyes in particular. He liked the way they seemed to change colour from a deep, dark brown when she was sorrowful to a light dancing brown when she was pleased or happy. It only seemed right that he should kill her in his cave, she was a treasure just like any other after all, he'd taken her by force from her previous owner whether she knew this fact or not, he had planned for her to come to him, he supposed if she hadn't come willingly he would have taken her anyway, he was used to getting what he wanted…

Perhaps he would wrap her in the beautiful cream silk sheets he had stored for something special, she could stay in his cave as one of his pretty trinkets until he no longer wished her to be there, until he tired of looking at her or decay ate away her beauty. He could throw her off the cliff near his cave then, where he would one day soon also throw Teresa and Rafael to their deaths…

He couldn't decide on the method to bring an end to the young girl's life but he kept hoping it would come to him. He had thought of choking her, breaking her neck with his foot, a strong stamp would create the desired effect. He could slit her throat or slide his knife under one of her main arteries and pull sharply until it was severed and the blood poured in gushing torrents until she was empty… but nothing felt right, nothing seemed good enough. He supposed once he had her in his cave he would know…


	45. Chapter 45

Ella watched the wisps of white cloud cross the light blue sky, her mind lost in empty thoughts that were not really focused on anything, but he was still there, lurking at the back of her subconscious as Joey would always do. She supposed it was just the way things would be, she had loved the man after all, even if he hadn't been any good for her.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

Ella turned at the sound of the warm, welcoming voice and looked up into Doc's face.

He gave a small laugh. "It's what my old employer John Tunstall used to say, he was from England…" He paused, knowing he was about to ramble on, he always seemed to end up rambling around Ella. "Here," he passed her a shawl, "it's gettin' chill out here."

Ella smiled in thanks and wrapped the shawl about her shoulders, glad of its extra warmth. It had been nearly a week since she had returned to Ojinaga and Doc had not left her side, even though he was meant to be reuniting with Call. Ella had begun to enjoy his company, more than she thought she ever could and now she dreaded the thought of him leaving. She had never met a man who made her feel so completely at ease with herself, shared her sense of humor and laughed loud and hard along with her at what most would deem a puzzling amusement. She had caught herself looking at him on the long cold evenings, her mind wandering into thoughts of what it would be like to be his wife, to work alongside him, share each day and enjoy it with happiness and laughter. It certainly seemed like it was possible and with every passing day she convinced herself a little more that Joey would never come back, that she was free. Perhaps Call had already caught up to him, the thought made her shiver and feel sick to her stomach, but she had to admit it was a possibility. Even if Joey did come back Ella highly doubted he would want her and she didn't want him, not now. She had come to see that they had no future together, only more heartache and suffering… perhaps it was time she allowed herself a small piece of happiness in her life. But she couldn't begin this new path with lies, Doc deserved better, her stomach churned.

"You look like you're plannin' a raid" Doc said with a low chuckle.

Ella laughed. "No," she said in a mildly teasing voice, "I'm just thinkin' is all."

"About what?" Doc asked, taking a seat beside her on the wide stone step.

"I reckon just about my life, where it's goin', where I'd like it to go." She gave him a small sideways glance and tried to smile but it came across as a nervous smirk.

"An' where would you like it to go?" Doc asked, pulling out a rolled cigarette and lighting it with a match, he watched the flame a moment before shaking his hand and extinguishing it.

Ella turned to him slightly and tried to look him in the eye but it was a hard task. "Well, bein' around you these last few days… it's been nice," she understated. "It's made me see a lot of things clear, things I've been doin' wrong…"

Doc gave a flicker of a smile but tried to hide it as he took another drag on his cigarette.

"But... if I'm to go any further with you…" She paused and closed her eyes briefly. "I have to be honest with you, and I ain't sure you'll like me so much once I'm finished."

Doc licked his lips and nodded. "Well, you best start talking; it sounds like it's somethin' you gotta talk about." His words were stunted, as if he feared what would come.

"I like you Doc, you know that and I reckon we could have a life together… that I'd like to try to have a life with you, if you'll still have me." She paused again and glanced quickly at him. "I'm sick of always making the wrong decisions and ending up in bad situations and bein' unhappy… an' my heart tells me… maybe we can be happy."

"There's a 'but', right?" Doc said, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

Ella nodded. "I can't just stop my feelin's for the man I was with even though I wish I could… most of what I feel now is regret but…" She paused, not wanting to voice the fact that a small part of her still loved him, she didn't want to hear those words spoken out loud, hearing them would only give Joey power. "I don't want to be with him" she finally managed. "He was bad for me, I see it clearly now but I can't just stop my feelin's, it's gonna take time."

Doc nodded. "Well that seems reasonable" he said a little stiffly.

"But I do also have feelin's for you and I'd really like to listen to them." She paused. "But as I said, I gotta be honest with you."

"There's more?!" Doc said jokingly, trying to lighten the situation but Ella frowned at him.

"I'm scared you're gonna hate me." She took in a deep breath and Doc placed a hand upon her shoulder.

"I can assure you I ain't gonna hate you." He smiled warmly and Ella nodded.

She took another deep breath, steeling herself once again. "Well, you know this is Maria's house."

Doc nodded in confirmation.

"It was Maria's son that I was with."

Doc looked a little surprised but remained silent.

Ella glanced away, not sure how to tell him, she didn't want to but she had to… she knew she had to.

"Maria Garza is her full name…" She paused, finding that the words dried upon her tongue.

"Garza?" Doc frowned. "But there is only one family by the name of Garza in Ojinaga." His brow furrowed further, trying to understand.

Ella nodded. "Yes, there is only one Garza family here… Doc." She paused again, finding completing a sentence difficult. "You're huntin' the man I was with."

Doc's eyes widened. "Joey Garza?! The train bandit?" He laughed, "You gotta be mistaken Ella, that boy is a cold killer."

Ella nodded again. "I know he is, I knew it when we were together… I left with him when he found out Woodrow Call was coming, we went to Crow Town and hid out a while." She studied him as Doc cast his eyes to the ground, his frown still in place. "We left Crow Town when Maria came to warn us Call was close, we travelled a while and Joey killed a man called Judge Roy Bean after your posse had been there only an hour before… but I didn't know you were in the posse Doc, Joey never told me even though he must've seen you all clearly…" She paused, wetting her lips and feeling her heart beating a little harder than normal in her chest. "We had a fight after he killed the Judge, he found out what I did for a living when I was younger and, well, Joey hates whores, finding out I was one didn't please him too well, he got angry and near killed me…" Her hand drifted up to her neck at the remembrance. "But he let me go an' instead just left me alone with no horse or food, that's how Mox Mox found me…" She paused, "I was tryin' to get home."

Ella turned to Doc fully, her heart felt as if it had moved suddenly and was now beating somewhere deep inside her throat making her feel slightly sick. Her stomach gave a strange cramp and she winced inwardly, her nerves were winning out but she couldn't stop now. The silence that fell between them seemed deafening as she waited for him to speak, to reply… to tell her to go to hell…

Doc got to his feet abruptly. "I need time to think" he stated, and without looking at her he walked away, down the path that led to the village. Ella watched after him until he disappeared from view behind a distant building before pushing herself to her feet. It was over; she'd seen that look on men's faces too many times to not understand it. He was leaving and he wouldn't be back, not for her. Her heart sunk and the sick feeling worsened, bubbling within her unexpectedly and she turned, clutching her stomach as she retched, her mouth felt as if it were filling with strange tasting salvia and finally she managed to bring up a small amount of stomach acid. She looked down at the clear bile upon the ground as another pain cramped at her stomach. She turned, wanting to get inside and sit by the fire until the strange pain had calmed. Ella made her way up the stairs before she suddenly stopped, with the unpleasant sensation of sticky liquid trickling down her legs. She carefully lifted her skirts and took a sharp intake of breath as her eyes beheld her heavily blood stained petticoat. She fingered the wet material, her heart quickening at the sight of what appeared to be so much blood.

She stumbled the rest of the way up the stairs. "Maria!" Her voice sounded strangled but within a moment of her panicked cry Maria was at the doorway.

"Que Pasa?" she asked, her eyes wide with concern.

"I don't know!" Ella wailed. "I'm bleedin' bad!" She clutched at her skirts with both hands so her friend instantly knew what she referred to.

Maria quickly came to her and helped Ella up the rest of the stairs and into the warm house. She guided Ella to the bed with hushed words of comfort, urging her young friend to lie back and quickly washed her hands in a nearby bowl of bowl water.

"When did it start?" she asked, beginning to pull up Ella's skirts.

"Just now, I was talking with Doc an' he left an'… I just felt it."

"When did you last bleed?" Maria asked, fetching a cloth and wiping at the blood that ran down the young girl's legs.

"About two weeks ago, just after Joey left me" Ella babbled. "I was late, real late, I thought maybe I was with child… but then I bled and I just didn't think much about it anymore..." She paused. "I bled, it can't be that."

Maria pushed Ella's knees up and parted her legs. It seemed to Ella she was taking a long time to examine her, with each minute that passed her mind convinced her more and more that it was something bad. Maria placed her hands upon Ella's stomach and gently pressed, her face set in concentration. She walked away for a moment and rinsed the cloth in some clean, cool water before coming back and cleaning Ella a little more.

"You are fine" she said with a small smile. "The sickness will pass soon and so will the pain. You did have a child inside you, but it died a while ago… That scar," she gestured to Ella's privates, "it was a badly done abortion, you may not be able to have children easily… I'm sorry Ella but it is the reason the child did not live."

Ella stared at her wide eyed, shocked into dumb silence.

Maria moved away to the table and seemed to be regaining herself from her own sorrow at the situation. Finally she spoke. "Was it… my son's?" Her normally steadfast voice wavered, giving her tone an unsteady edge.

Ella opened her mouth, but for several seconds no words would form upon her tongue. "Yes" she managed. "There hasn't been anyone but Joey since Dave…" She felt a strange dryness within her chest as if her heart had shriveled in the last few seconds.

Maria nodded. "I knew it to be the truth" she said, more to herself.

Maria had often thought what it would be like to hold one of her children's own babes in her arms, she had never thought she would ever get the chance with Joey and now it seemed all the more unfair that it could have been possible. Finally she turned and gave Ella a warm, kind smile. "Do not be sad." Maria handed Ella the wet cloth and helped her to her feet. "It is common, do not be sad, it was best for you and the child, it would not have had a father, Joey would not have helped you."

Ella glanced at Maria as her unsteady legs shook, the words Joey had spoken to her in Crow Town flooded back into her thoughts, _"If you have a child I will drown it!"_ Maria was right, the child would have had no happiness, the village would never have accepted Joey's child, it would have forever been an outcast, doomed by its father's reputation and who knew whether Joey would have kept his threatening words and killed it… and Doc, Doc would perhaps turn his back on her if she had another man's child… It was best this way… She knew it was… and yet the pain would not abate in her chest, a pain that felt similar to what she had experienced after Dave's death, but how could she grieve over something that hadn't even fully existed in her mind until a few moments ago?

She nodded slowly. "You're right Maria." Her tone was dry and empty. "Please, don't let Doc know, I think it's best if it's all just forgotten, as if it never happened."

Maria's eyes softened, their brown depths weakening as the young girl before her tried to be brave, but the pain shone out from her words and her eyes. She pulled Ella into a tight embrace and cradled her lovingly. Ella found that she could not prevent the tears falling that had suddenly sprung hot and wet from her eyes. She sobbed and clutched at Maria until she felt as if she had no breath left. As her breathing began to calm and her tears dried she found her thoughts were clearing and she could see why it had struck her so hard, the child had been her last connection to Joey, the last thread that could have held them together, it had been cut without remorse and now there was nothing left of what they had, what they had was truly ended. Ella found herself thinking of his eyes, blue, cold and hostile, eyes that held danger and warning… she suddenly felt relieved that it was over, that they were over and that she wouldn't have to see him again.

"Let me make you a warm bath, it will help" Maria said, stroking her hair. Ella nodded. "Ella?" Maria said softly.

Ella moved, wiping the remains of tears from her cheeks and looked up into Maria's kindly face.

"I want you to leave this village, with or without Doc, I want you to go and not be anywhere near Ojinaga when my son returns." She ran a gentle hand across the girl's cheek. "Promise me you will leave."

Ella pressed her lips together and gave a firm nod. "I promise."

Maria gave a sad smile and pulled Ella into her embrace once again.

---

Ella rested quietly in the bed, she felt better after her bath, Maria had talked warmly with her as she kneaded bread nearby. It had felt cozy and familiar, she knew she would miss her friend terribly and the children, they had become so much like her own family. Ella often found herself wishing her own mother had been more like Maria, it would pain her to leave, but she knew she had to. She had decided she would head into Texas in the next few days; she would take what belongings she had and try to make an honest living. She planned to try and travel towards California, she had heard tell that many people were finding good work up there, but she supposed she wouldn't know the truth of it until she got there. The thought of starting fresh scared and excited her. No one would know her past, how she had worked or who she had married, she could just be Ella.

Doc had not been back to see her and Ella had to accept that her first reaction was true, it was understandable that he may not want anything to do with her, she had to respect his decision and make the best out of what she had and what she could make of her own future.

"Ella?"

The concerned voice shook her from her thoughts and she looked up to see Doc entering the house, his brow was furrowed in worry as he saw her wrapped up in bed, covered in a good few blankets.

"Are you sick?"

Ella smiled. "No, I'm fine; I just had a bad headache is all." She knew no good could come of talking of what had been, she wanted to leave it all in the past for good. She paused, watching him with wary eyes. "Have you come t' say goodbye?"

"Goodbye?"

"I guess you're goin' to meet up with Call, you said he was expecting you… it's good of you to come say goodbye after… everything."

"You mean you thought I was leaving to get away from you?" Doc said with a smirk.

Ella gave a wry smile. "You don't have to leave on my account, I'm leaving Ojinaga for good, Maria and I both agree I shouldn't be here in case Joey returns, it's for the best."

"Leaving?" Doc asked, his eyes widening slightly. "Where are you going?"

"Texas, see if I can't find a job so I can save some money, then I'll head to California."

"That's quite a way to travel" Doc said, coming further into the house.

"I guess it is."

"I was hoping you'd wait for me t' travel with you, after I finish this job I was thinkin' of movin' up that way too."

Ella glanced up at him, shocked by his words. "What are you sayin'?" She was half convinced she hadn't heard him right.

"Ella, you ain't got a clue about what real love is, I ain't gonna just leave you like that and I ain't gonna lie to you neither, I am mad you were with Joey Garza." He sat on the bed and took one of Ella's hands in his own. "But not because he's an outlaw or a killer but because… it feels like I'm goin' through hell if I think about you with someone else… all those years you were with Dave… it was damn hard." He paused, "I just can't turn my back on you Ella, don't think I could even if I wanted to, but I don't want to, I want us to try an' be together, to make a life… if it's still what you want."

Ella smiled weakly, tears pooling within her eyes, it took some effort to push them back fully. "I'd like that Doc" she said in a whisper, unable to express the full force of the emotion she felt at his words.

Doc squeezed her hand and smiled, the moment had been small and without any pomp but it had meant the world to them both, they had a new start ahead of them and all they could see along that road was each other…


	46. Chapter 46

Joey followed Call for a few days. It soon became apprant that the old man was trying to make his way back to his posse. The wind was chill and Joey found he had to layer blankets on top of himself to keep out the cold, but he was young and healthy, a little winter weather would not do him much, if any harm, the same could not be said for Captain Woodrow Call. Joey could easily see how stiff the old ranger was each morning, it took him nearly an hour to tie on his saddle bags and by the second night Call left all his bags tied to the horse to ease the time spent on the task the next morning.

Joey's mouth turned in disgust at the memory, this old man was no match for him, a well known infamous train bandit with a legend surrounding his expert shot with a rifle. Joey almost felt insulted watching Call potter around his newly made camp, the fact that the train company would send such an old man, a man who looked as if his gnarled stiff fingers wouldn't even pull a trigger in the direst of need, made Joey angry. He wanted a challenge, not to shoot a slow moving target; he wanted this man's death to mean something. Perhaps Call's reputation did give him some leeway with the rich people back east that had hired him, they probably had no idea how useless he was or that their money was being badly misspent on such an incapable man.

Before dawn had fully risen the next day Joey was already riding, he knew there was a group of men herding a large amount of horses; they had passed nearby the night before and would have made camp just a few miles from where he was. He intended to take three horses for his ambush of Call, he would hide his own horse so that it would not get shot if anything went wrong, he had paid good money for the black stallion and didn't intend to pay for another.

The men were all sleeping, snoring loudly when Joey arrived. They slept heavily and did not stir as Joey took his pick of the horses they had with them. He hesitated getting on to his horse for a moment, he toyed with the idea of killing all of the men, perhaps doing so would give him new ideas for when he was in his cave with Ella, but he quickly dismissed the thought, he didn't have the time and he did not want to get blood on his clothing when he did not have anything clean. Although Joey hated to be unclean he did not let this fact bother him too much, he would soon be in Ojinaga and could get some fresh clothes there.

He led the horses back to where he had made his camp the night before and secured his own horse before leading the three stolen horses onwards, towards a small hill nearby Call's camp. Joey could already tell that the Texas Ranger was not yet awake and he had plenty of time to set up his plan. He hobbled the horses' front legs together, preventing them from moving from the positions he wished them to stay in. When he had tied the last rope he concealed himself just below the brow of the hill, a horse stood in front of him providing protection and camouflage. Joey could clearly see the path his target would take; he would get a nice clean shot at Call as he came riding up to investigate the seemingly free roaming animals.

Joey waited patiently as the horses grazed, it was well after dawn that the Captain finally rose and made himself a small meal, Joey could see the wisps of smoke in the distance, he knew it wouldn't be long now and the young bandit was right. Joey pulled himself further up the hill until he was nearly underneath the horse as Call rode into view, the 'loose' animals had piqued his curiosity and he was most likely wanting to check their brands, just as Joey had calculated.

Joey watched the old man from under the horse's belly and brought his rifle into position. Call was oblivious to any danger and continued to lope towards the horses and the range of Joey's gun… Now he was no more than one hundred and fifty yards away, the shot was so easy and Joey felt his heartbeat quicken, he was mere moments away from showing everyone in Mexico and Texas that to tangle with Joey Garza was to invite a quick and painful death. He could almost imagine the talk in the cantinas, it would all be of him and how he had killed the great Texas Ranger, Woodrow Call… His myth would grow and this thought made him smile, it didn't really matter that Call was useless, what did mean something was the old Ranger's name and the fame and acknowledgement it would bring to his killer…

Joey aimed, checked the distance and then aimed again, sighting the old man in his little telescope, he squeezed the trigger gently, relishing that rush of feeling as the rifle fired. The shot hit Call square in the chest, Joey didn't hesitate for a moment but fired again, hitting Call in the arm and then he pulled the trigger a third time and put a bullet into the Ranger's knee, shattering bone. This last shot sent Call's horse into a terrified rear which unseated him from his mount causing the old man to fall with a heavy thump to the ground. Joey had anticipated Call's next move would be to try and get his weapons and defend himself, Joey shot his horse with a neat bullet to the head, the horse reared again before falling down dead, pinning Call's rifle and most of his supplies underneath the animal.

Joey paused, listening. He heard the old man cock his pistol, waiting for Joey to ride up and check he was dead. He was hoping Joey would be foolish and eager and make a mistake, but Joey was neither of these things and so far in his career he had never made a mistake. Joey heard Call give a low groan of pain, the bullet wounds had not killed him outright but with no help and unable to give himself treatment he would be dead within a few days. Joey debated staying and watching Call die and decided that he would linger nearby for one night, but in the morning he would leave and head for his home.

He waited for a good while, making sure that Call was indeed as hurt as he suspected, when Joey felt sure, he got up and unhobbled each of the horses. He gave each animal a sharp slap on the flank and watched a moment as they rode away at full gallop. He quickly made his way back to his own horse and mounted it before riding to the place he had left Call. He kept his distance but from his position he could see that Call was lying on his back, breathing hard, his eyes closed and blood covering his clothing. Joey gave a smug, certain smile.

"Die, old man." The smile didn't leave his lips. Without another backwards glance he turned his horse and rode away to make camp somewhere he could watch, perhaps if the old man died in the night Joey could return and take something that had belonged to the famous Ranger, this thought pleased him greatly.

---

Ella watched as Doc packed essentials into a saddle bag.

"I just wish you wouldn't go is all" she said, annoyance hinting at her tone.

"I promised Call I'd meet up with him on his way to where the posse is camped, I can't just not show up."

"Can't you get word to him?"

Doc shook his head. "No, I have to go; I want to tell him in person that I'm quittin'." He glanced at Ella who still watched him with doubtful eyes. He halted in his chore and pulled her to him, comforting her fears a little with his warm embrace.

"I don't like it Doc, I feel uneasy about you goin'." She paused, pulling away from him a little. "He's just an old lawmen, he's probably used to people not showin' up."

"Maybe," Doc said with a smile, "but the Captain's a good man, I have to do right by him."

"How long will you be?"

"A few days, not long." He smiled and resumed packing his bag.

Ella nodded in understanding. "Well, if it's somethin' you feel you have to do, I guess you have to do it… Just be careful Doc."

"I will." Doc kissed her tenderly upon her cheek. "And when I get back we'll leave, head into Texas, away from here."

Ella gave another nod, but she couldn't help the uneasy feeling that continued to grow in her gut. The thought that they wouldn't make it to Texas seemed to well within her mind and she couldn't quell it, no matter how much she tried, she feared Joey would kill Doc and the future she so wanted. Who knew where Joey was now, he had intentions to kill Call and all of his posse and that included Doc, all she could do was pray that Joey had not felt the time was right to begin taking lives, but Joey was never patient when it came to using his rifle…

Ella shivered.

---

Doc rode at a hard trot for many miles, it had been a whole day and night since he had left Ella's side. He had to admit he hadn't liked leaving her after she had given him what he had desired for so long, a promise that they would be together. He still couldn't quite believe that it had come to pass; he had thought his love nothing but a fool's dream. His old friend Billy Bonney had often said what a romantic dreamer Doc was, his head filled with love poems and the thought of respectable living. Doc knew he was unsuited to being an outlaw, his conscience would gnaw at him relentlessly if he ever had to kill a man, even if the man had been about to kill him. He had no stomach for causing death… now he could leave it all behind for good, he would take Ella far away from this place and they would find a good town, marry and live happily, whatever came after that he would welcome with open arms, no matter what it was, as long as she was by his side.

He tried hard not to think of the train bandit, Joey Garza. The thought of Ella being with him sent the hairs on the back of his neck prickling as the anger riled him. He didn't want to dwell on it, tormenting himself with images of Ella with a shadowed figure of a man who held her tenderly… was Joey better looking than he was? Was he truly in love with her? Would she run to him willingly if he told her he wanted her back? Was he a better lover?

Doc furrowed his brow and inwardly shook himself, lingering on such thoughts would only cause him pain, what mattered now was that Ella was sat in Ojinaga waiting for him to return. Him, Doc Scurlock, not Joey Garza… He sighed, perhaps he would always have these doubts, with Dave he had known the man was no good, that he had very few redeeming qualities, but with this boy Doc didn't have any facts or certainties.

He made himself focus upon riding and tried to ignore his thoughts… they did him no good.

---

It was another half a day before Doc picked up Call's trail, he followed it faithfully to an abandoned camp, there were still scattered belongings all around the recently burnt out fire, Doc's instincts bristled and he pulled out his rifle, his eyes scanning the surrounding area. He suddenly became disturbingly aware that he was being watched, but he could see no one, no matter how hard he looked.

He saw that Call's tracks led out of the camp and after gathering his courage he decided to follow, he knew the decision could be foolish, especially with the uneasy feeling of eyes upon him, but Call had become a sort of friend in the many months he had been with him, Doc had to make sure he was alright, no matter the danger.

Still gripping his rifle, Doc rode out, after a little distance he saw a dark shape a way ahead. It looked like a fallen horse; he squinted trying to make out for certain… Yes, the horse was dead and beside it was a figure.

"Jesus!" Doc said loudly and spurred his horse onwards.

He came to a halt beside the dead animal and dismounted in a swift and almost desperate movement, silently praying that he wasn't too late.

"Jesus!" He repeated as his eyes focused upon the scene and the wounded Ranger. "Captain!" He rushed to Call's side.

Doc's gaze took in the extent of the older man's injuries, he'd been badly wounded and blood had gathered in congealed pools about him. He had a bad bullet wound to his knee, another to his arm and a last to his chest. Doc checked them over quickly, he'd have to start a fire and bathe all the wounds with hot water before he could be sure of the full damage but it didn't look good. Doc could only guess when Call had sustained the damage but he thought perhaps earlier that very day, if Doc acted with haste he may be able to help.

"Captain Call" Doc said, placing a hand on the Ranger's arm.

With what appeared to be a great effort Call opened his eyes, it took him a moment to focus.

"Scurlock?" he mumbled through dry lips.

Doc gave a certain nod. "I came to find you, guess it's a good job I did." He paused as the older man tried to regain his senses from the pain. "I'll start a fire and have a look at those wounds, we should be able to make it back to Ojinaga within a day and a half from here, there'll be help there."

Call looked at him with strange eyes, eyes that seemed to be haunted. "The Garza boy" he said suddenly. "Ambush! He may still be here."

"I can't see anyone, just rest" Doc said kindly, trying to ease the man's fears.

Without another word being spoken Doc set about making a new camp right where they were. He prayed silently that Call's wounds could be patched up until he got back to the village, he could leave Call with Ella and send for a doctor. Of course now the situation meant he could not just up and leave as he had planned, he would have to find the rest of Call's posse and tell them of their Captain's misfortunes… and if Doc was honest, he feared for them. For the bookish Yankee Mr. Brookshire, whom the railroad had sent to keep everything in order, he was not suited to this place, he was a salary man with no experience with anything but a chair and desk. For the young Deputy Plunkitt from Laredo, he was not yet twenty one and had a young bride back in his home town and was only riding with them for the experience of being part of the great Woodrow Call's posse. Lastly, for Famous Shoes, a Kickapoo tracker who had a strange sense of humor and walked everywhere, his pace an even trot. None of these men were up to the task of dealing with Joey Garza and Doc was worried for their safety without Call to protect them… he would have to do what was right and see they were all sent to safe places until either Call recovered or a new Ranger was put in charge.

When he had a good fire burning Doc heated a pot of fresh water and tore up one of his spare clean shirts. He began bathing Call's bullet wounds, Call had packed sand into most of the wounds to stop the bleeding and once this was removed Doc could see the full extent of the damage. The bullet to his arm had passed cleanly though, missing bone, but still it would be a good while before the arm could be used and it badly needing stitching. The bullet wound to his chest Doc was unsure of, it looked deep, and from its position appeared to be close to his heart. He would need a roof over his head to probe deeper and see what could be done about it but for the moment it appeared it could wait. It was the damage to Call's leg that worried Doc, it had broken bone jutting out of the flesh and would need to be set or even taken off completely. After cleaning around the wound and pouring a good amount of whiskey on it, Doc found two good wooden splints and set the leg, Call howled in pain, his mind only barely conscious.

Doc bandaged each of the wounds tightly and decided that the next day would be the best day to go, they only had one horse but he didn't mind walking, Ojinaga wasn't too far and that meant neither was Ella, the thought gave him much needed warmth.


	47. Chapter 47

Joey watched from his vantage point, not quite believing what he was witnessing. Captain Woodrow Call was one of the luckiest gringos Joey had ever encountered, mere hours after the shooting, the shaggy blonde haired man that stirred something unpleasant in his stomach rode to Call's aid, giving him the medical attention he needed. It annoyed Joey but he knew that the likelihood that the old man would survive was slim, the wounds were bad, he had made sure of that. But still, this irritated him, he didn't like when things did not go as he had planned.

Still as he watched the blonde man build a fire, heat water and clean wounds a new plan began to form in his mind, a plan that suited his needs better and dulled the strange ache that continued to plague him. No doubt the man would take Call back to Ojinaga, it was the nearest village and Joey knew he could easily sneak in, not only under his mother's nose, but Call and the blonde man's too. The added thrill of snatching _her_ away with two lawmen nearby was too perfect and he smiled his smug smile at the thought.

---

Doc did not sleep that night; he kept good watch in the darkness of the plains. The only light was the fire, he knew the blaze was a beacon to anyone for miles around, but he could not risk Call's health, the ranger would not survive without the warmth. Doc couldn't deny he felt nervous, he had been in many life threatening and dangerous situations, but that was in the past and he had never been on the law's side. Captain Call slept a little; a fever was slowly taking over his mind from the loss of blood and the pain of his injuries. Doc knew he would have to move him no later than tomorrow and walk until his legs gave out in order to get nearer to any help. Call would make it through the worst if he could reach the village and get a roof over the old ranger's head, but then again Doc had seen men die from less serious wounds, only time, God and fate would know the truth of the outcome.

As the first rays of dawn peeked over the horizon Doc turned and studied Captain Call. He was old, too old to be out in the plains chasing after young Mexican train bandits. He had spirit and skill but he should be enjoying his twilight years in comfort and contentment knowing he had lived a full life, knowing he had done his duty well. Doc found himself wondering why the famous Texas Ranger did not feel content, why he still needed to chase outlaws and dangerous criminals for money. Doc secretly hoped that he himself would not still be roaming the plains in his later years, he only wanted a quiet ranch near a little village, he was sick of the very sight of death by the gun. Perhaps once settled he would even put his study of books to good use and become a school teacher, the thought had always appealed to him greatly in his youth and perhaps it could still be a dream that came to fruition. He smiled a little as he thought of the quaint little life he could have, Ella, his wife by his side and all would be right in the world. He shook himself inwardly, he had no time for day dreaming now, he had to try and save the man beside him. It would be his last act as a gunman, after he and Ella were together again he would be finished with it all.

---

Ella glanced down at her work; she was darning a small bundle of clothing that had become worn and in need of attention for some time, while Maria sliced up a large chunk of beef for their evening meal. Ella sat beside the warm, crackling fire in relative tranquility; Teresa and Rafael were playing nearby. Teresa whispered secrets into her older brother's ear that made him smile and nod with joy. It seemed Teresa had always known how to keep her brother happy; they were as close as kin could be and in some respects even seemed to share part of the same soul. Billy sat dozing in a chair near Ella, having enjoyed a good tot of whiskey in the early afternoon.

But in the calmness of the moment, Ella could not help her thoughts drifting to Doc and whether he was safe. She had tried her hardest not to let images of Joey firing his rifle enter her mind but when she least expected it they would creep in, the cold blue eyes staring blankly at her as he chuckled at the new pain he had just caused her in taking her future away. She also couldn't help her mind dwelling upon what would happen if she ever did see him again, she had no idea how she would feel, she hoped it would be nothing but a dull ache, a remainder of the feelings and pain; but she knew better, love did not just turn itself off, like a fast running river without a dam it was uncontrollable and unpredictable. She prayed silently that Doc would return before that situation came to pass and that she was far, far from here when Joey decided it was time to return to his home village.

It had been nearly three days since Doc had left, the days crawled by as if they were years, time seemed to have slowed just to torment her. She tried to keep herself busy and knew Maria was doing the same. Although Maria had asked Ella to leave, it was plain to see that Maria's heart was aching at the thought of losing her friend. Ella tried to keep her spirits up by telling her it would not be their last meeting, there would be plenty of time to visit if it was safe… she wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, it would not be safe to return while Joey still roamed the plains, turning up in the village on a moment's notice. Like a destructive gust of wind, no one could foretell any of Joey's actions, perhaps he wouldn't care what Ella was doing with her life and treat her as if she were no more than a stranger, but there was that dangerous chance that he would not and it was that which would keep her away.

"Ella." Maria's voice broke the silence. "Go and bring in some wood."

Ella got up from her seat, more than glad of the command, the fresh air would do her good and perhaps clear the cobweb of thoughts that had been spun in her mind as she sat working, the brisk wind would help blow them away and she could return with a fresher mindset.

She walked out of the door and made her way down to the small pile of wood that was stacked ready for use. She collected a good few large pieces into her arms and turned to make her way back up the path. Her footfalls stopped dead as she saw the figure approaching, she didn't believe her eyes at first but as she became sure they filled with tears of their own accord and she dropped the firewood in her arms, her feet again began to move in fluid steps towards the figure. Without a word she flung herself into already waiting arms and grasped at the dirty, dusty coat that met her fingertips. She breathed in the scent of horseflesh, sweat and dust, not caring that it wasn't pleasant, just aware that it was him and he was here with her. His arms came to encircle her and he pulled her close.

"Ella" he whispered, his voice on the verge of breaking, but he regained himself quickly.

Ella pulled away from the embrace and looked up into Doc's face before pressing her lips to his in a heated, needy kiss. "I was startin' to get worried" she said after their lips parted. Her tone was teasing as she tried to joke but the tears still trickled down her cheeks.

Doc laughed, it was a bitter sound. "I was a little longer than I thought." He gestured with his hand back to the horse he led.

Ella noticed the figure mounted upon it for the first time. It was an old man and he was badly injured and in need of immediate attention.

"Can I bring him to Maria's?"

Ella hesitated, she had guessed instantly that this man must be Captain Call and she could not say if Maria would allow him in her home, if the older woman with all her bitter resentment towards the ranger wouldn't just take a knife to his throat. "You can try… no one else in the village would be willing to take in a 'gringo'."

Doc nodded. "Then I gotta try."

Ella walked beside him as they made their way towards Maria's house; she came out as if sensing their coming and stood in the doorway watching them approach. Ella could tell that she had already recognized who the injured man was, she wiped the blood stained knife she still carried upon her apron and Ella felt her heart beat a little faster. Maria, as far as Ella was aware, had never killed anyone, she did not want to witness her dear friend give up her blood innocence over an old man. Billy soon appeared at her side, his eyes squinting in the sharp sunlight.

"Why, that's Woodrow Call. Somebody's about finished him!" he said in surprise.

As they drew closer Maria walked down to them, her face stony and her brow furrowed. Ella tried to put her palm upon her friend's shoulder, the act meant as a comforting warning not to do anything rash but Maria shook it off with a single swipe of her hand. She studied the ranger, her expert eyes travelling over the wounds. Ella glanced over at Billy and they exchanged worried looks, perhaps Billy would be able to reach Maria before she took her first plunge with the knife… Finally Maria turned to Doc and Ella who awaited her reaction with bated breath.

"Take him in" she said simply, and Ella released her breath silently, glad of her friend's kindness and strong will.

Billy was quick to trot down the path and begin helping Doc cut the ropes that held Call onto the horse. When this task was done they carefully carried the injured man into Maria's home.

"Put him by the fire so I can look at his wounds." Maria followed closely behind with Ella in tow.

The men obeyed her request and Call was laid on an empty table near the fire.

Clean water was boiled and bandages gathered as Maria prepared to tend to Call's injuries. When all was ready she and Billy began their examination while everyone else in the house watched on, willing to help in any way they could, but unsure if there was anything they could do. Billy studied the bullet wound to Call's chest before shaking his head and glancing at Maria.

"That bullet's too close to the heart. I ain't goin' in after it. You can if you want to, Mary."

Maria shook her head. "No."

"Is there no doctor here?" Doc asked, concern gathering in his light blue eyes.

Billy looked up from studying the wound to Call's shoulder. "There's one across the river. The best we got here is the butcher."

Maria shook her head again. "Gordo cannot do it, he would kill him. Who shot this man?"

"I ain't sure" Doc said, finally remembering to remove his hat. "I wasn't there, I found him like this but the Captain said he thought it was Joey Garza." He glanced at Ella who at his words had turned to look at him, shock shining within her gaze, Joey was closer than she expected and this thought held no comfort.

Maria stiffened at the news, pausing in her task as she thought of what this statement meant.

"Did Call hit my son?" she said, her tone almost empty.

"He didn't mention anything about hitting anyone, said it was an ambush."

Maria's body relaxed but her eyes did not; Ella knew that Maria felt pulled in two ways, relieved her son was alive but fearful because of this same fact.

"Ella why don't you get Doc a drink and go and sit outside while we finish, he looks tired and I'm sure he would like your company."

Ella nodded gladly; the smell of blood was beginning to cloud around the small room. She fetched Billy's half empty whiskey bottle and made her way back outside. Doc followed her closely, his fingers entwining with hers as if he needed her soft touch to comfort him. They walked around to the side of the house so that they were at least a little sheltered from the wind. Ella handed Doc the bottle and he took a long swig, letting the warming amber liquid revive some of his senses. He wiped his hand across his mouth, removing any stray drops from his beard before he placed the bottle nearby and turned to Ella.

"I hope he makes it" he said sadly. "He's a good man."

Ella nodded, "But…" She hesitated, not really knowing if now was the best time to talk of leaving but the uneasy feeling had grown stronger since Doc had returned, she didn't want to be Ojinaga. "Does it mean we can leave now?"

Doc's face fell, he had been expecting this question and to see the woman he loved near pleading him with her expressive brown eyes tugged at his heart, but he had a duty and he would think less of himself if he didn't do it. Slowly he shook his head. "No, I have to go and tell the rest of the posse what has happened so they can go find safety."

Ella furrowed her brow trying to control her anger. "But, he's out there! He's hunting all of you and he's already near finished Call!" She paused, trying to calm herself. "Can't we just leave, please… can't we leave?" She looked up into Doc's face.

"I want to, but they are good men Ella, I can't abandon them."

Ella knew his words were true, he couldn't just leave them out there with no warning that a killer was about to begin stalking them, she knew Doc would never forgive himself if he didn't do what was needed.

Finally she gave a reluctant nod. "Will you come right back?"

Doc smiled. "Yes, I'll warn them and come right back, just be ready when I return okay? We'll leave that very day."

This news calmed Ella a little and she gave a weak smile. "I just feel uneasy here."

"I know." Doc walked forward and pulled her into his embrace, holding her close and wishing silently that they could do just as she willed and just leave…

Doc looked down at her as she turned her head to look at him. Again to Doc there seemed to be a light about her features that had always been there and never dulled, not to his eyes. He bent down and pressed his lips to hers in a soft, sweet kiss. Ella responded hungrily, needing the contact for reassurance. They held each other tightly, passionately, their kiss stating what they could not, that it was possible they would not see each other again, it was a thought neither wanted to dwell upon.

They pulled slowly away, both regretting the end of such a sweet meeting.

"I'll leave after I get some sleep" Doc said. "I'll buy supplies in the next village and carry on to the men; I should be no more than four days Ella." He rubbed her shoulder absently and she nodded in understanding.

"There's a fresh horse at Gordo's, I'm sure he'll sell it to you if you offer a good price."

Doc grinned. "You mean pay too much for it." He winked and Ella chuckled.

"Yeah, I'll come with you."

They soon returned with a horse that, although it was underfed, would get Doc to and from the posse's camp. Doc and Ella then went back to Ella's old shack and Doc slept while she lay beside him. He would slumber no more than a few hours and once he was awake he knew he had to leave to get in a few hours riding before sunset. Ella snuggled up to him, breathing in his scent and wishing with every ounce of her being that this would all be over soon.

Within a few minutes of waking, Doc had gathered up his belongings before he and Ella went to check on Call at Maria's, who was now as comfortable as was possible and was awaiting a Doctor from Texas. Thanks to Billy sending word, the doctor would be with them in the next few days.

Ella embraced Doc again before he mounted his horse. Their hands clasped in each others, unwilling to let go. Doc turned and his lips met hers in a lingering, warm kiss and then Ella watched with a heavy heart as he swung himself into the saddle and rode out of the village on his last errand as a lawman. She prayed that he would return and in her heart she knew Doc would do everything he could to make that come to pass.


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N**

**I just want to shout out another thank you to people who are letting me know their thoughts on this through reviews, PMs etc. It really does mean so much to me.**

**Right now I'm actually a bit reluctent to finish this story because I've enjoyed writing it so much! **

**A big thank you to Joshi for their review. Finding a fellow Joey nerd is rare indeed. If you ever fancy having a chat about his character just sign up here or Youtube and send me a message, as I can't reply to your anon review :(**

**Anyway, on with the tale...**

---

Ella stood outside for a while after Doc had disappeared from her line of sight. Maria soon appeared at the doorway asking her to come and warm herself by the fire, but Ella couldn't feel the cold, her body seemed to reject focusing on anything but her current thoughts and emotions. Besides, she preferred to be outside instead of inside the stuffy, sanguine smelling house.

Ella shook her head and smiled weakly at her friend, "I'll just take a short walk" she called, and Maria gave an understanding nod before she disappeared back inside to her task of preparing the evening meal, leaving the door slightly ajar.

Ella listened to the sounds of bustle from inside a moment, the corner of her eye catching the soft candlelight that spilled out from within. She wandered around the small corn patch, letting her hands brush against the large, rough leaves, and onto the part of land that was used to hang washing. She sat upon a propped up plank of wood that had been made into a makeshift bench and watched the scenes around her pass by for what seemed a long time, although it could not have been more than an hour as the sun was only just beginning to attain the tinges of orange and pink that meant it would soon be setting. She pulled her shawl further around herself and closed her eyes, feeling the cool touch of the wind upon her skin and relishing it for a short moment. She thought she could still almost feel the warmth of Doc's lips upon her own and the sensation gave her some small comfort. She convinced her already aching heart that he would return and for a short moment she believed it and was heartened from the warmth the thought offered.

As she sat there in relative ease with her eyes closed in enjoyment of the cool breeze she did not notice the menacing dark shadow that stalked her, nor hear the stealthy footsteps creep towards where she sat with practiced grace. Perhaps for a moment she felt a brisk chill ascend her spine but her senses were too slow to forewarn of any danger. Suddenly Ella felt a smooth hand snake roughly around her cheek, clamping itself firmly over her mouth in one brisk, jarring movement. Her eyes flew open at the contact, but her gaze had no chance to focus upon anything but a blur of her surroundings as a strong arm wrapped itself in an iron grip around her torso, pinning her hands to her sides. She struggled, panic beginning to take over her senses as a pounding of warning began to flow through her veins and mind, feeling almost like a second heartbeat that drummed deafeningly within her ears. The result of which only caused her own heart to quicken pace and the alarm to worsen, threatening to become hysteria. With a swift, violent force she was knocked to the ground and a gag of material was forced into her mouth and tied with a savage pull at the back of her head, preventing her screams becoming anything more than strangled cries. She was pushed onto her stomach, a knee pressing harshly into the small of her back as she continued to try and fight against her assailant. She had no doubts over who it was, even through the panic and without seeing his face, Joey's name flashed fast and hard within her mind. Her thoughts raced as to why he was here, why he was doing this, but her mind only gave blank answers in its mounting distress. Her hands were painfully bound in thin hide rope that within moments were biting into the flesh of her wrists. She knew from that small, pitiless action that she was in a position where she could no longer fight, no one would hear her, no one would come and with this fact burning within her consciousness she gave in to the urge of her already cramping limbs to stop her struggles and began to weep silently. Finally Joey pulled her onto to her feet with a rough jerking motion that hurt her shoulders and pulled at her muscles. He lifted her onto his shoulder as if she was no more than a bag of grain and from the glance she achieved of his callous expression he saw her as nothing more meaningful, her dread caught within her throat and felt as if it would choke her…

---

She was bundled onto Joey's spare horse, laid over the animal so her stomach rested uncomfortably upon the saddle. He bound her legs, securing them to the straps before doing the same with her arms. She didn't struggle as he set about his chore, Ella didn't see the point and she was afraid, more afraid of the man before her than she had ever been. Each glance she gained of his face seemed to still her heart; it was as if carved from unrelenting marble, cold and hard with no emotion, just a beautiful polished surface that almost hid the hardness. He seemed to be avoiding looking at her directly but Ella could clearly see his eyes, she found herself wondering if they had always looked so dead and empty, she felt sure she remembered some warmth, some comfort in their depths… but she could not be sure.

Within a short time he had seated himself upon his own horse and, taking up his reins and those of the horse she was tied to, he pushed his mount into a trot and they headed for the path leading out of the village. Ella twisted her position, the action causing her some pain but it gained her a view of Maria's, the warm, welcoming light still flickered, beckoning her to come back. She wished bitterly that Maria would suddenly decide to check upon her, but her wishes died in the cold night air, and as she took her last look at the village the gleam of homely luminescence seemed to silently mock her…

---

How long they travelled Ella wasn't sure, the pain of the horse's movements as they dug painfully into her ribs took all her thoughts. She just wished to stop, no fears of what would happen could penetrate through the unpleasant feeling and the quick, stiff trot of the horse as endless sand extended below her gaze. After some time had passed she began to feel light-headed, perhaps it was the pain or the blood that was running to her head because of the position she was tied in, she sorely wished that she would faint, to have nothing, no pain, no fears to fret upon seemed like bliss. But she received no unconscious relief. By the time the stars twinkled down at them and the moon cast an eerie glow across the plains they had reached their destination. Joey cut the bonds that held her to the horse and allowed her tired and cramped body to fall with a dull thump to the ground.

Ella found that her muscles screamed with the sensation of pins and needles pricking cruelly and painfully. Joey knew she wouldn't run, or more to the point she couldn't, so he left her for a brief moment as he concealed the horses. When he returned Ella made muffled groans of objection and whimpers of pleading but he paid no heed to either. After re-binding her hands in front of her Joey forced her to walk behind him as he began to climb up a steep embankment that led to a rocky outcrop. If she fell behind a sharp tug, that nearly off balanced her, was delivered via the rope at her wrists. Soon he was forcing her to climb; the task was difficult with bound hands and the labor arduous. Many times Ella thought she might fall, she knew he'd let her fall and so she focused all her remaining energy. She willed herself to scrabble for handholds and footholds, clinging to them with the knowledge that her very life hung in the balance, suspended over a painful, rock strewn death.

Finally they reached a platform of rock. Ella's muscles ached from the effort, her body feeling near spent; her breaths came in gasps as she glanced over at Joey who still paid her no attention, acting as if she were no more than a bag of spoils.

He strode over to a small crack in the rock and bent, his actions aided by the pale light of the moon and an instinctive knowledge of his surroundings. His hands easily found a rope and he threw it down into the narrow crack.

He walked back to her, his steps seeming to betray the rage within him in this moment. He grabbed her upper arm, his fingers pinching her flesh as he guided her towards where he'd let the rope fall. He gestured with a push forwards that she was to climb down it. Ella looked down into the hazy shadow that descended into pitch darkness below her and shuddered, she could feel her death lay in that place and the fear snaked up her spine like a jolt of ice. She took a few fumbled steps backwards and was once again pushed forward. She turned, her face cast in a grey glow from the silver light around them and with pleading eyes she shook her head. Without warning Joey lashed out, his hand clashing against the soft flesh of her cheek. Ella gave a stifled cry and felt her eyes smart painfully with tears; she knew full well it had been a warning strike. Reluctantly, and with a heavy heart she shuffled forward and taking the rope between her bound hands she slowly lowered herself down. The rope had been tied with large knots which made the descent easier but still Ella could feel the rope burning into her palms and the scrape of its roughness against her legs as she slowly shimmied herself down. It was not as large a drop as she had expected, perhaps fifteen feet, the inky blackness had deceived her and soon her feet were planted upon solid ground.

She glanced around her but again the night prevented her from seeing far. She looked down and saw a pattern beneath her feet, she squinted her eyes, her brow furrowing as she tried to understand it. Finally her eyes adjusted enough to see it clearly, at first it looked like a train track but it was far too small to carry such a large object, she soon realized that it was a mine cart track. The place she now stood in must be part of an abandoned mine, probably a section that had been cut off by a cave in.

She had no choice but to wait as Joey climbed down to join her. It took him a much smaller amount of time than it had taken her; he jumped the last few feet, landing with graceful ease nearby. Without a pause he again grabbed her arm and began to lead her into the darkness. As the sound of wind and the noises of the night dulled, Ella became aware that they had entered a cave. Joey let his grip upon her go and wandered further ahead leaving Ella blind and lost in her surroundings. She heard him walk forward, the sound of glass scraping across metal pricked her ears before the sizzle of a match being lit echoed around the silence and a bright, stark light came into being a few feet ahead of her. Joey finished lighting the small oil lamp he had obtained and blew out the flame still burning upon the match before grasping first the lamp and then reaching back for Ella.

Again he led her, further and deeper into the man made tunnel until it widened into a cave. Glints and shimmers caught her eye as the light filtered into the room. As her sight adjusted to the dimness she became aware that the luster came from various gold objects and large gems that sat in old suitcases and wooden crates, placed carefully in soft hay. Joey left Ella where she stood and lit another lamp, revealing the full splendor of the cave's contents. More jewels, precious stones, gold, silver, ivory and silks then Ella had ever laid eyes upon. Fine gold thread embroidered waistcoats, rich cotton shirts, silk flowing skirts and velvet bustle gowns were laid lovingly over large leather travel trucks. Guns of all shapes and makes rested upon rough closed wooden crates; rifles, shining in their newness were laid against a wall. Ella's eyes were dazzled by the grandeur, she thought that the amount this collection was worth would easily make any man very rich, afford him a stately home and all the luxuries he could desire and yet here it all was stowed away in a dark, dank cave. She couldn't quite believe the rumors of Joey Garza's cave were true, she'd often heard talk of it, but how could anyone really have a cave full of treasure? It sounded like a story from one of her childhood fairytale books.

She finally tore her eyes away from the glamour and looked at Joey who stood a few feet away, leaning casually against a trunk, his eyes intently upon her as he studied her reaction to her new surroundings. Smugness hinted at the corners of his lips as if he were proud to reveal all his bounty. Ella remained still, her body shaking slightly from the effort of her journey and the unsure fear that still licked teasingly at her senses. She waited for him to speak, almost willing him to speak… if only he would talk to her, perhaps her fears over the situation would abate, she knew it was a foolish thought; nothing Joey had ever said had the effect of easing any of her fears.

Finally he cast a lazy glance over her. "This is my cave" he said with a small gesture to their surroundings. "I have never brought anyone here before." His smug smile tugged once again at the corner of his mouth. "Many believe it is only myth."

Ella watched him with cautious eyes, trying to discern what his next action would be and why he had brought her here…

"Do you like it?" he said, his tone mocking and callous.

Ella gave a quick glance to the room and nodded, not knowing what else to do, only wanting to please him so perhaps he would just decide to let her go or reveal why she was here. It seemed not knowing was the worst thing in this moment, she knew that could easily change and swallowed hard.

"Good" he said with a firm nod, "I'm glad you like it." He gave a soft smug smile as if he was enjoying every word he spoke. "You will not leave."

Ella's eyes widened as she tried to process his words and what they meant. She had never really thought Joey would kill her. She had dwelt upon him causing problems for her new life, threatening her, yes… perhaps he would even try to kill Doc… but despite everything she had foolishly thought she was safe from Joey's cold killing ways. The trickle of thoughts flowed from her scalp down her body, feeling as if it left every hair on end as it passed. There was no escape now, she was trapped and he meant to end her life. Her eyes flew about the place looking for any way out but nothing offered itself to her, with bound hands she was limited and if she made a dash for any of the objects Joey would be upon her within a hair's breadth and things may become worse, he may torture her first. She was stuck in a place there was no resolution for, no light at the end of the darkness… She suddenly felt dizzy and closed her eyes, willing her body and mind to come back to her and give her the strength she needed.

She opened in her eyes at the sound of Joey's footsteps coming towards her in his usual confident stride and Ella flinched away from him, her mind screamed at her to run but her feet would not obey. He caught her by the hair and forced her to walk towards a large rock that had been roughly cut into a small platform for resting oil lamps, hammered into it was an iron ring, meant for securing the miners' means of light as they worked. Joey tied her bonds to this ring, halting any other thoughts of running that had been forming in her mind.

His cool eyes studied her for a moment, before he turned from her and picked up a beautiful gown. Stunning burgundy façonné velvet in the shape of roses placed over a cream silk background made up the bodice and skirt. The neckline was adorned with fragile lace as were the sleeves. It was stunning to look at and the woman who had owned it before Joey stole it must have been rich, Ella doubted such a person would even miss this gown; they would already have many more bulging from their closets.

"You will wear this" he stated, before placing the dress nearby her and drawing his gun. Joey untied her hands and with the gun pointed at her he gestured with his eyes towards the dress.

Ella gave him a wary look, unsure just what game he was playing, but she knew full well that was exactly what this was, a game, and he was enjoying it. She picked up the skirt and studied it, acquainting herself with its fittings before removing her own dusty skirt and replacing it with the new garment. She did the same for the bodice; she silently cursed her trembling hands as she fastened the buttons that ran up the front. When she was finished she glanced up at him, the icy feel of his eyes upon her had made her work fast in her task. Joey nodded as if he was pleased with the result before he again tied her hands and secured her to the iron ring once more.


	49. Chapter 49

Joey left Ella secured in place. He walked away from her and rummaged in his saddle bags a moment before pulling out an apple and a large chunk of bread. He chewed thoughtfully on his food as he watched the young girl who stood at the other side of the cave. He could tell just from a glance that she was exhausted, her head hung in a sorrowful manner, her eyes closed or upon the ground, Joey couldn't tell which as her hair covered most of her face.

As he ate he let his mind drift back over the events of the last few days. He had followed the blonde haired man and Call on their journey back to Ojinaga. He had learnt that the blond man was called 'Doc' and from what Joey saw it seemed a fitting nickname as he had some skill in dealing with the sick and injured. Joey had begun to sulk a little; the old Ranger may survive because of this man's care. Many times Joey had thought of sneaking into camp in the dead of night and finishing them both off, but the thrill of the chase and the fact Doc slept little and always had his gun at hand stilled the urge.

They had arrived in Ojinaga later than Joey would have liked but still it was all going smoothly. He had watched them take Call up to his mother's house from a nearby building behind them. Out of the corner of his eye he had seen Ella, the sight of her sent a strange jolt through him, the memories of their time together flooding his mind with images and remembrances that both infuriated him and stilled him. She had stopped her work, her face turning white and then she had run, for a small moment in time Joey thought she was running towards him, his mind had bristled in disbelief and had soon been proven right as she flung herself into the waiting arms of Doc. They had embraced tightly, as if they were lovers and Joey gritted his teeth together, he had been right all along she was nothing more than a whore…

He'd stayed hidden and observed his mother taking the man that had been employed to kill her own son into her home gladly, Joey's hand tightened into a fist, his anger burning more brightly by the second at all the betrayals this one day was placing before him. Joey had lingered in the village for many hours, he knew how to stay out of sight and his uncommon patience won through once again. He had managed to find a place near his mother's house and concealed himself, waiting. He'd seen the exchange between Ella and Doc, the words of hope and love that passed from their lips to each other, the kiss that lingered and spoke for all to see of softness and longing… Joey flexed his hands as he continued to wait.

Taking her had been so easy; she had been too lost in her own thoughts to suspect anything before it happened and now she was here with him, now he could do what he wished to do. But first he would play with her a little. He finished his meal and walked over to where she was bound; she heard his footsteps and flinched, her eyes gazing out from behind strands of dust coated hair.

Joey untied her from the iron ring, with swift, uncaring movements, but kept her hands bound in front of her.

"You can leave" he said, not looking at her, his voice calm and emotionless.

Ella stared at him a moment, he could hear her scared breaths and knew she wanted to speak but the gag prevented her, it was what he wanted for now, when he wished to hear her voice he would remove it… after all what would be the fun if she didn't beg at the end.

"If you can climb up the rope, you can leave." He flicked a hand carelessly towards where they had entered the cave.

Ella's eyes snapped towards the long passageway that led to where the rope lay waiting in the darkness, before they drifted back to him, her gaze stating clearly she did not trust his word.

"But if I catch you…" A small smile tugged at his lips, he let out a smug, cruel laugh. "If I catch you…" he repeated, enjoying this game far too much. "Usted es mío." He gestured with a flick of his eyes that she should start now before he changed his mind.

Ella stared at him a moment, trying to read the marble of his expression. She took a hesitant step backwards away from him, realizing in that moment that the tightness and heaviness of the skirt would make any fast movement arduous. She continued to stare at him, her movements slow and wary as his cold blue eyes watched everything she did with interest.

Without giving warning Ella started to run, she forced her feet onwards, willing her muscles to work hard against the material that tried to restrict her. She turned her head and saw he had already started after her, his pace quickening from a walk to a trot. She gave a muffled cry of distress through her gag and closed her eyes tightly, praying silently that by some miracle she would make it, that her hands would curl around the rope and she would be pulled to safety, Doc or Maria's smiling face would greet her at the top and protect her… it was foolish wishing but it was all she had. The dark passage went on and on and she kept looking back only to see his jet black figure following, gaining and her heart felt as it would burst from the fear.

Finally the corridor of stone abated and the chill night breeze brushed harshly against her cheeks and stirred her hair. She glanced about her frantically, searching for the rope. She groped blindly forward, her hands grasping the cold rock for any tell tale sign. She could hear her breaths rasping in her ears as the panic heightened around her, the search bearing no fruit…

And he was coming…

Then her fingertips brushed it, the rough twisted fibers of a thick rope, and she wrapped her hands around it. With her heart beating hard within her chest she made ready to pull herself up, she felt sure that her sheer will in this moment would guide her quickly upwards. But her hopes were shattered as arms wrapped themselves about her waist and pulled her away. She struggled, crying out from behind the gag as she tried to pull herself loose but it was all to no avail and she finally landed with a harsh thump upon the ground. Without pausing, Joey grabbed her wrist and began to half pull her and half drag her back. After a moment she managed to regain her footing fully and tried to twist away from him, but his hand held fast and only tightened painfully the more she struggled, she had no choice but to relent to his demand to follow, and he dragged her back into the cave.

Ella suddenly found she had a severe loathing for the place and all its treasures, it was all fake, fake love and comfort, this was Joey's only joy and she bitterly wished she could destroy it all. She knew his intention fully, had known it from the moment he had taken her in Ojinaga, he had had no thoughts of letting her escape, even if she had made it to the top he would have hauled her back down, his plan was set and he was only teasing her with the thought of hope. She had known the outcome would not be in her best interest simply because Joey held no pity or remorse in his heart… did he even have a heart underneath it all?

As they came to a stop she looked at him fully, her eyes burning with contempt and defiance. They stared at each other a moment and she thought she detected something flicker across his expression but it was too brief to pin down.

He pulled her after him as he searched in one of the large trunks a moment before he pulled out a beautiful large sheet of cream silk; it had perhaps been an expensive part of a bed set once. He pushed her down onto a low table and gave her a warning look, his hand coming to rest a moment on the butt of his gun. The threat was clear to Ella, she was to stay still and not move or he would draw on her.

He quickly spread the sheet out, uncreasing any ruffles, the act almost loving in its attention to detail, until it looked smooth and the glow of the lamps glinted off it. Once again he grabbed Ella and made her walk forward.

"Lie down" he commanded.

Ella's mind jolted with the memory of those same words coming from him many months ago on their first meeting. She closed her eyes tightly, fiercely wishing that she had listened to her gut then, that she had listened to both Billy and Maria and stayed far away from him, but it was too late now… what was done was done.

She carefully lay back onto the material, her heart pummeling hard within her. Her thoughts raced, she wondered if Doc would ever find out what had become of her, would Joey dump her body somewhere she would be found or did he intend to keep her here, letting her rot slowly among all the finery. She shivered at the thought.

Joey straddled her, pinning her body to the floor and she looked up at him and damned herself harshly that the feelings for him were not fully gone, the memories still held a strange fondness in the haze of time passed. The feelings were slightly bitter, twisted but still held some strange sense of the love she had born him. She would have needed time to get past this feeling, time she no longer had… and in the same breath she hated him, more than she had ever hated her mother, Johnny Duke or her husband Dave. She hated him for all he was, and she hated him because she couldn't forget him fully when she wanted to love only Doc.

Joey removed his hat, placing it upon the cold stone floor beside him, the action almost seeming like paying last respects, she supposed in a way he was. He drew out his dagger and studied the blade in the warm light before his blue eyes fell upon her face. Ella's eyes widened, this was the end. It had crept up upon on her so suddenly that her whole body seemed to still be recoiling from the shock. Fate was indeed a cruel master, showing her a tiny glimpse of happiness before snatching it away.

Ella had already decided that she would not let fear shine through; she could swallow it and try to seem brave even if inside she was screaming with terror, she owed herself that much, to die without pleading and begging. She looked directly at him and although tears had begun to pool in her eyes it was obvious from her stony expression that they were tears of effort and not fear.

Joey lowered the knife and the cold metal pressed against her throat, she flinched at the contact but her eyes remained locked with his, defiance and resistance speaking in their brown depths. Joey pushed down, meaning and wanting to slice through flesh just like he had done with the whore, but the whore had cared about her fate, Ella just stared at him, almost asking him to get the deed over with. He hesitated, the blade slicing thinly into skin and producing a small trickle of blood, Ella winced and her teeth gritted together at the sharp wave of pain. She silently prayed he'd slice sure, hard and quick in his next attempt. Joey watched as the blood ran in a narrow red line down her neck and soaked into the material at her breast. His eyes again connected with hers and his resolve faltered, the joy over the moment was gone, replaced once again with that unrelenting aching need for her. He paused and slowly moved the knife from her throat, his mind working, the need covering over his anger in its thin gauze that always provided him with some relief from the normally unrelenting rage.

He placed the dagger back into its sheath and allowed his hand to come back to her, his fingertips tracing the outline of her jaw, her neck, the place he had wounded. He wiped at the blood and saw her flinch in pain. He followed the path of blood to the hem of her bodice and allowed his hand to rest upon her skin for a moment, feeling the rapid, frightened beat of her heart under his touch. He again returned to look at her and she stared back at him, confusion in her gaze as she tried to understand what was happening and why he wasn't carrying out what he had brought her here to do.

Joey slowly reached up and loosened her gag, pulling the material out of her mouth. Ella gave a raspy cough, her tongue flicking out to wet her dry lips as she tried to make sense of the situation. Without waiting for her to regain herself, knowing they would only argue as they always did he moved forward and his lips crashed into hers. Ella's eyes widened in surprise at the contact and she tried to pull violently away but Joey's hands held her upper arms, preventing her objections. Ella tried to blank out her mind, not wanting to allow him any power and feeling slightly sick as his mouth pressed against hers. His lips worked upon her own and her mind couldn't help the flow of thoughts, his kiss was so different to Doc's, no sweetness lay within it, only need, passion, lust and a demanding want. Ella felt that same heady power she had experienced so many times before snake across her mind and she fought it, seeing it for what it truly was… lust and nothing more. His tongue probed, harshly demanding access into her mouth. Ella recoiled from the sensation, but the small coaxing voice spoke within her mind, telling her she had no choice, she had to give in and allow him to have his own way. She knew without much doubt that she was fighting a losing battle to deny him, she couldn't resist him forever not in the situation she now found herself in, it could mean her life. If she didn't allow this he would take her anyway, hurt her…. She may as well make it easy on herself. The voice slowly convinced her and her thoughts flashed up the prospect that some deep, dark part of her had wanted to be convinced. Despite everything she allowed herself to give in and the lust swept over her, she allowed it to cloud her mind completely, blocking out the current surroundings and unpleasantness that had passed between them, it was just her and Joey with no remorse, no strings. They drew each other into the aura of desire's fire and it refused to let them go until the very end, the obsession would never fully leave either of them even though it did neither Ella nor Joey any good…

Ella's resolve faltered into nothing and she allowed him to kiss her fully, her thoughts misted and darkened as the feeling she so loved, so craved shrouded her completely. She roughly kissed him back, her bound hands brushing against his chest in near desperation, her fingertips grasping to touch him as his own hands smoothed over the curves of her body. The time apart had only fueled the need and now it seemed nothing would contain it.

Joey moved Ella's bound arms so that they rested about his neck, his hands fumbled in hungry impatience at the buttons of her bodice, resorting to pulling and tearing the material as the need grew. His fingers sought out soft flesh and sensitive skin, bringing low moans from her lips as he continued to kiss her. Joey buried his face into her neck, his soft lips pressing against her collar bone, he breathed in her scent in this free moment knowing just how much he had yearned for it.

In his eagerness he wasted no more time and sought beneath her skirts, his fingers seeking out the place that made her his. He pushed and teased, bringing sharp breaths from her, and he relished the sounds, his own desire growing with each moan.

He struggled out of his britches and, taking full possession of her lips once again, he dove into her fully. They both let out a simultaneous gasp at the sensation and after the shivering effect had subsided they began to move together, bringing more moans and intakes of breath from the other with each new movement. They quickened pace, grasping onto each other as the emotion grew to an unbearable pitch and finally released first Joey and then Ella.

Ella felt as if her mind was spinning out of control and no thought would form and so she could only do the one thing her thoughts did understand. She clutched onto him as his name spilled from her lips over and over again in the stillness of the legendary cave.


	50. Chapter 50

Joey finally released Ella and stood, grabbing at his discarded clothes without a single glance towards her. She shivered with a combination of the after affects of their love making and the coolness of the cave. She grasped at the silk sheets around her, suddenly wanting nothing more than for her undressed state to be covered in his presence. She pulled the sheet tightly to her body and felt an impulsive urge to break down and cry as shame and remorse curled around her heart, seeming to crush it with the weight. Again she had only succeeded in hurting herself, it was true that had she attempted to struggle away from him, to deny the want they both felt, he may have taken her anyway or carried out his first plan of killing her… but at least she would have had her pride intact. Now it lay shattered in many tiny pieces within her mind, her self-respect was near destroyed, and worst of all she'd wanted his touch, to touch him… and now… now what would become of her…

Would Joey expect her to stay with him again? She felt bile rise within her throat at the mere thought of returning back to that life, a life that had no meaning, no comfort and no love. Ella would rather end her life in this cave than step back onto that path, and even if Joey did not want her, what of Doc? She could not return to him now and beg his forgiveness after what had occurred. Even if she did start a new life Joey would forever haunt her, her days would be in permanent fear of him returning, seeking her out and the whole damn mess of a vicious circle would begin again…

Ella brought her knees up to her chest and rested her brow upon them, her thoughts truly in darkness as she tried to think, to understand anything about the situation. How could she still feel anything for a man she hated? Nothing seemed right about any of this, nothing seemed normal and she bitterly wished it was all not the truth. In this moment of uncertainty, regret and self loathing Ella felt that she may lose her grasp on her own mind. The man she had just bedded with had wanted her dead only moments before, could wish her dead again and who knew when he wouldn't still his hand, when the deed would be all that occupied his thoughts and she would be left broken and dead, all for naught.

Finally she looked up, trying to raise her eyes to her surroundings, the effort seemed immense, her gaze as leaden as her heart felt. Joey was fully dressed once again and sat upon a trunk studying a gleaming new rifle, his eyes flicking to where she sat every now and again as if he couldn't help but be drawn back to her.

As her eyes met his, he abandoned his task, letting his gaze meet hers fully, holding her to him. Their blue depths hinted with a mild glow that she had not seen for a long time. It was akin to the looks he would give her in Ojinaga in the early days of their relationship, when things had been difficult but bright. Sometimes as they lay in the aftermath of a pleasurable union, once their breathing and heart rates had returned to normal, she would sometimes catch that soft look and wonder what he was thinking. Whether he was just relaxed and content or if he was really feeling something more than that, something powerful and meaningful… a feeling that would make her stay by his side gladly. But now the familiar look only made her heart feel heavier. It didn't mean anything if he did feel something for her, no matter how much she wished it did, that he would change, it was all just a fantasy. Joey couldn't change, tender moments and looks may make her believe for a fleeting moment that it was all worth it, but it never was… his pain was too much of a burden and his venom too much to bear.

They continued to stare at each other, the silence of the cave near deafening in the wake of what had just occurred between them.

Ella glanced away, knowing that the situation would get no better if she stayed like this. She still had to find a way out, to discover what he intended for her and if she could perhaps make the outcome less dangerous. She wanted to speak something sugar coated and honey tongued, to lull him until she could get away, to invoke Diamond Stella. But no matter how hard she searched she couldn't find that girl inside herself in this moment, she was just Ella and the words she spoke were from her frightened, confused heart.

"You were goin' to kill me weren't you?" she whispered, not meeting his gaze.

It seemed for a long time Joey was silent. "Si." His voice was low and muffled as if he did not wish to speak.

Ella raised her face to look at him. "Why?"

Joey shifted uncomfortably, his eyes flickering with irritation. "Because you betrayed me" he said simply, harking back to the day at Judge Roy Bean's.

Ella shook her head sadly, she had been fully aware of his motive for wanting her dead. "Why didn't you?"

Joey's eyes met hers, the line of his jaw tightened for a moment. "I do not know."

Ella nodded, believing his words and unsure what else there was to say on the matter. "What will you do… now?" she asked, knowing he would understand the question was about them… her.

Joey gave a cruel smile, but the look was not directed at her but at himself. "I do not know" he repeated.

"Do you still want me dead?" She couldn't stop the small waver in her voice. Perhaps she wanted him to nod and say yes, to end all this confusion.

Joey got up abruptly from where he sat, flinging the rifle to the stone floor with violent force before flexing his hands in anger. "I do not know!" he roared, his rage suddenly unleashed in full force.

Ella recoiled from the outburst as the lingering echo rang around the cave. Her heart pace increased, fluttering like a frightened bird inside her chest, silencing her from saying anymore and provoking him further.

Joey pushed his hair back violently and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath as he did. Ella stared at him, waiting for what his next move would be, still fearful for her own life.

"I thought…" Joey began, his voice once again calm and smooth but forced to be so. "If I brought you here I would want to kill you." He gestured absently to her with his hand. "But… there was no pleasure in it, it felt… wrong" he murmured. "I thought if I killed you it would stop this." He clutched at his chest and then his temple; the words were hissed through his teeth.

Ella watched him with wary eyes, wondering if he had completely lost his senses.

"When you are not with me I… ache" he said finally, his tone deflated.

Ella's lips parted, Joey's words were jumbled but they were honest.

"And when you are with me I don't want you near me." He glanced at her. "If I kill you I may ache all the time…" He paced a few steps, his words not directed at her.

"Joey." She said his name in a breathless whisper, pleading for him to listen. "I'll go away, I swear I'll leave and you won't have to see me again." She paused but he said nothing in return. "I was already plannin' to leave soon, in the next few days."

"With him?!" Joey said suddenly, turning to face her fully, his eyes flashing with cold anger.

Ella knew who he referred to. "Yes, I was gonna leave with Doc." There seemed little point in lies now.

"I do not want you to leave with him!" he said simply, the anger hinting menacingly in his tone.

"Fine!" Ella said desperately. "I'll leave on my own."

"No!" Joey barked. "You will meet up with that gringo."

Ella felt tears pricking at her eyes. "What do you want from me?" she gasped, her composure falling away as the sheer need to be away from this place, away from him began to claw over her.

"Nada y todo." Joey whispered before silence fell over them once again. "I do not know" he said finally, knowing she had not understood him.

Ella pulled the silk sheet tighter around her, still shivering from the cool air. Joey noticed this and walked forward, Ella flinched at his movement but he walked past her and picked up a simple velvet burgundy travel set of skirt and bodice hemmed with fine lace and golden thread. He held out the garments to her and Ella took them gladly. She quickly pulled them on; the rich fabric instantly bringing her warmth and comfort, the mere fact her body was no longer vulnerable to him gave her some needed strength.

When she was fully dressed she turned to him. "Joey?"

He turned at the sound of his name, behind his cold blue eyes she could see confusion and doubt, the anger still burned brightly but it seemed to have quelled and quieted for the time being.

"I'm sorry" she said slowly, knowing she really had no need to apologize, but feeling she had to. Whether this man before her was insane as some stated or a demon as others seemed convinced, she had loved him, in a strange way loved him still and she had hurt him deeply and for that she was sorry. No matter his actions afterwards, she was sorry she had caused him pain. "I shouldn't have kept things from you, but I ain't proud of any of my past and I can't change it." She paused, waiting to see his reaction but he remained still, his face smooth and expressionless. "I think," she began again, "we just cause each other pain and I don't want to hurt or be hurt anymore." She paused once more, trying to gauge his reaction. "Let me leave, let me go far away and you can forget me and I'll try to do the same." She swallowed knowing she was taking a risk. "It can go back to how it was before we met."

Joey gave a shallow laugh. "Before we met?" he whispered, but he offered nothing more in explanation for his words.

Ella licked her dry lips. "You could go to Mexico City." His eyes flicked to hers. "You could start a new life."

His brow furrowed. "I do not want a new life, I have killed the great Woodrow Call and I will kill his posse, for sport and my name will be whispered in fear!" he said in a proud whisper, edged with a menacing tone as if he enjoyed the thought of being feared.

"Call ain't dead yet…" She paused, seeing his face glower with annoyance. "Is that all you want, to be feared?"

Joey gave her a sneer and went back to sit upon the crate, taking up the rifle once more. "Si, to be feared is to have all the power." He looked at her directly, his cool, blue eyes burning with a lingering flame. "I will be feared." He ran a cloth over the rifle. "I will take what I want and I will kill who I want… I will kill anyone else they send after me."

Ella's eyes suddenly stung with tears, although for what reason she couldn't say. "Then you're a fool" she whispered. "They will catch you one day, a lawman will come along and he'll get you to make a mistake." She glanced at him, unable to stop the tears from sliding down her cheeks. Joey's lips parted as he stared at her, his cool blue eyes were softened but still unreadable. "Fear isn't happiness."

Joey's eyes hardened and he gave a cruel chuckle. "There is no such thing!" He gave her a look that stated all too clearly that he thought her a simpleton for not understanding his thoughts. "Happiness is a lie; they tell you such things to make you work until your back breaks and your spirit dies, chica tonta, that is how life really is." He gave a small grin, enjoying berating her. "My spirit will not die."

Ella wiped at her cheeks. "Your spirit?" Ella said slowly. "It's your soul you should worry about Joey." She pushed her hair out of her face. "I have been happy, I will be happy again, so let me go and you can do as you please." She took in a breath. "You don't need me, you never have. I can't give you anythin' you want, I don't even know what you do want!" She silently prayed he was listening and understanding what she was saying. "We… we…" She found words suddenly failed her. "We just shouldn't be around each other no more" she finished, deflated.

Joey stared at her a moment, his eyes burning into her, the cold intelligence working in their depths as he decided what was to be done.

"No," he said simply, "you will not leave."

Ella stared back at him, her heart drumming unpleasantly inside her chest.

"Then… you'll kill me?"

Joey gave a cruel huff of laughter. "No." He shook his head lightly. "You will go back to Ojinaga, you will live in your old house and you will stay there." His tone was calm and unconcerned, as if his word was all that mattered and once he had spoken all was made clear and to be obeyed. "You will not see the gringo again because I will kill him… and the rest of Call's men."

His words stung and hearing him speak of killing Doc tugged hard at her mind, threatening to become panic but she controlled herself, if she showed emotion and sorrow or any emotion that would link her and Doc together, Joey would never be diverted in his murdering choice. Ella continued to stare at him steadily; she wrenched her thoughts away from Doc and lingered upon his other words. So this was now his plan, to make her his whore. A woman that would be there whenever he wanted, would take him into her bed whenever he wished and would live only for him. The thought sickened her, she couldn't live that life, she wouldn't. She wanted a life that would fulfill her and give her moments of happiness not one that would be filled with misery and desolate emotions.

"No" she said suddenly, surprising herself with the word. "If you keep me as your woman… I won't survive, I'll die!" she cried, losing her composure.

Joey strode forward in hurried steps; his hand grabbed her upper arm painfully, pulling her to him. "Then you will die," he said through gritted teeth, "but you will do as I say."

Ella pulled herself from his grip in a violent movement. "No" she repeated. "You'll have to force me each time to lay with you, you'll have to chase after me each time I run… an' I will run!" she declared. "Am I really worth the effort?" She found she was breathing hard.

Once again Joey's reaction to her trying to gain some form of power was one of violence. He lashed out and struck her harshly across the cheek. Ella recoiled from the blow and glanced at him, the hatred for him burning deeply within her once more. Joey studied her, his eyes grazing across her features before he lunged forward, his lips brutally crashing against hers. Ella tightened her mouth, allowing him to take no pleasure from her own lips and with a rough jerk she pushed him away. They both stared at each other, panting hard.

"It won't happen again, you can kill me! I won't live that way again, I've lived it all my life an' I'm through with doin' what I'm told!" she screamed, wiping his kiss from her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Then you will stay here until you decide to do what I say!" Joey's voice trembled with anger he was fighting to control. For a moment Ella wondered if he had truly expected her to run back into his arms with a glad heart, to thank him for sparing her life.

Joey turned from her and grabbed his blanket roll, rifle and provisions and without another glance back he made for the corridor that led out of the cave. Ella watched after him, not quite believing his reaction, he was leaving her in his cave with no food or water!

She picked up her skirts and began to follow him, but as was always the case with Joey, his steps were certain and fast, he was at the rope before Ella had exited the tunnel. He wrapped the end of the rope around his middle and scaled the rock quickly as Ella rushed forward, trying to clutch onto his legs and pull him back down.

"You can't leave me!" she cried after him as her grasps fell upon cloth and thin air. "You can't leave me here!" But her voice only echoed in the surrounding silence, whether Joey even heard her was debatable as he made no indication he was even aware of her presence.

"Joey please!" Ella knew her voice was desperate, but it was the only thing she had.

As his form vanished over the lip of the crevice Ella continued to stare up, waiting for his face to appear, a smug smile on his lips, knowing that he had frightened her, but above her remained empty and silent save for the cool wind that moaned as it passed into the tunnel. After what seemed hours but may have only been minutes Ella decided to make her way back into the cave, she could at least get warm and think, if she could think she had a chance… it was all she could cling onto.


	51. Chapter 51

Ella wandered aimlessly back into the cave. She picked up the silk sheets still lying upon the floor and wrapped them around her shoulders. She knew the chill she felt was not just caused by the damp cave, but from within herself, an icy feeling was snaking slowly through her veins. The thoughts flashed through her mind that this place may indeed turn into her resting place, she would not put it past Joey to forget about her or at the very least think it was better to never see her again after what had happened.

But then trying to judge and comprehend anything Joey did was near impossible. Every time she thought she had his traits worked out in her mind and she could predict his actions he would do something unexpected and her carefully laid plans for dealing with any situation he may present her with were blown into the wind like sand during a harsh storm.

She glanced around, her eyes taking in everything slowly, her mind working, thinking and trying to pull out ideas from her muddle of thoughts. She knew she had no other choice than to try and find a way out, whether Joey came back or not was none of her concern, she just had to make sure she wasn't there if he did decide to venture upon the cave again, and she had to save herself from starvation and thirst. Thinking on this matter made Ella's mouth feel suddenly dry, she couldn't remember the last time she had taken a drink and the thought made her heart flutter in panic. Her hands glided over the silk about her and through this action her mind settled softly upon an idea. She grabbed at the material and held it out before her eyes before glancing around the room.

She quickly got to her feet and began rummaging in the various boxes of jewels and booty. Finally, after what felt to her an unbearable amount of time, she found what she had searched for. Her hand curled around a slight knife bejeweled with small blue gemstones, it was far too delicate to be a weapon and Ella concluded it must have been a fancy letter opener.

She marched back over to the large silk sheet and carefully began to shred it into long strips. When she was finished she had a good amount of long material. She began to braid them, strengthening them and assuring her make-shift rope would be able to do the job she wished it to be capable of. When that task was done she searched out other material and did the same until the rope was long and her hands sore from the repetitive work.

When she had rested a little she once again began to search, pulling out objects from the crates in her panic to know that she could find what she sought, that she still had a chance. She finally let out a frustrated cry and tipped one of the crates fully over in anger, letting the contents crash to the ground. Everything was too small for her needs, pocket watches, necklaces, even a pair of opera glasses, everything beautiful and gleaming… mocking her plight. She sat upon her haunches, regaining her breath back from the anger. Her eyes were drawn back to the shining items, how many people had Joey killed to obtain these trinkets? Ten, Twenty… she knew in her heart the answer could be more than she'd care to admit. The thought that these items had once belonged to a living, breathing person, a person whose life had been snuffed out by Joey Garza, a man she knew all too well, sent a strange shiver through her body. Her eyes finally rested upon something that the glinting finery had obscured. A pile of dirty, weather beaten paper wrapped up in a coarse string of twine.

Slowly, Ella reached out and picked up the bundle. She turned it over in her hands before finally deciding to open it and at least give herself something to do while she caught her breath. As the twine fell away it was soon apparent that the paper was actually letters. She fetched the small lamp that Joey had left burning in the corner and sat back down once again. She strained in the dimness, her eyes barely able to make out the thin, spidery scrawl but with effort and time she began to make sense of what was written and the very first words sent a sickening jolt through her mind.

_Dear Ella,_

_Today I was accepted as part of Captain Woodrow Call's posse. I reckon that will make you laugh, thinking of me as a law man, it still seems strange to myself. I've been from your company for near on six weeks now, the time seems to drag without your smile but the thought of seeing it again makes me strive to come back to you._

_Do you want me to come back Ella? I know I'm being forward but I meant every word I said to you and I hope that if you look deep you'll feel something for me too. I know in the past, I wasn't honest with you, perhaps if I had been things would be different between us and that night… that night wouldn't have ended with my harsh words, in truth I loved you then, I think maybe you knew that too and my confession to you a few weeks back wasn't that big of surprise, apart from the telling that my feelings are the same._

_I'm sorry to bring it up, I know we both swore to forget what had happened between us and go on with our lives, but I've never forgotten, I couldn't, I hope you'll forgive my weakness._

_Ella, write me and tell me you want me to come back to you. I'll ride through day and night if you send me word. As a man it's hard for me to admit, but I'm afraid to come back if you've decided against me._

_I will leave my letter here and await your word, send it care of Laredo._

_It'll only take one word Ella._

_Yours always,_

_Josiah 'Doc' Scurlock_

She stared at the paper, time lost meaning and when she finally came back to herself she was unsure how long she had been confined within the shock. She let out a desperate sigh, unbelieving what her eyes were telling her was right in front of her. She quickly flipped to the others, reading each one with hurried glances, not fully taking all of the words in, just seeing her name at the top and Doc's signed at the bottom. She counted five in total… she glanced around the cave, tears stinging her eyes and she brushed them away in frustration. Why were these letters amongst Joey's belongings? For a moment her mind refused to answer her but finally the floodgates opened and the truth came pouring out like a torrent that left her feeling as if she'd been knocked to the ground under its heavy weight. Joey had taken these letters before they had even gotten a chance to reach her, somehow he'd deliberately acquired them, taken them knowing they were meant for her…. Why? He hadn't even known her then, to look at, yes, and he eavesdropped constantly, but he hadn't known her! Her hand crushed the collection of letters as emotion washed over her, making her want to curl into a ball until it had passed.

Her mind began to flash up far too much advice and explanations, none that made much sense. Had Joey planned for her to come to his side all that time? Is that why he'd taken the letters? Spied on her? Threatened her while she slept? Killed her husband… Had Dave really died because of the desire of another man? Her mind whirled at the grotesque game that was unfolding before her very gaze, she felt suddenly sick.

The truth was hard to bear, while Dave's death had not been her fault it was now possible that she had been the reason, such knowledge was unwelcome. She glanced down at the crumpled paper clutched in her grasp, if only she'd gotten just one of the letters, just one! Everything would be different, she'd convinced herself Doc didn't want her all that time, that she was tainted and used up, not good enough for a man such as him. It was why she'd accepted Joey, someone she felt was as lost as she was… but it hadn't been true, it had never been true, she was nothing like Joey and the fact she had never realized this when she needed to was a bitter tonic to swallow.

Ella couldn't prevent the tears that fell. The world felt so much crueler in this moment and tears were the only reply she had.

Finally she wiped at her eyes, suddenly angry that she was being so self pitying. She read the top letter again, fully taking in the words. She allowed her gaze to go over the lines many times and with a small nod to herself she silently admitted that she'd never been able to forget that night with Doc either. She gave a weak, small smile, it seemed a little absurd that she and Doc had never let go of each other even after swearing they would, keeping what had happened a secret… but she had no time to dwell upon the past now, she had to pull herself together and find a way out of danger. She had Doc to think of, Maria, the children and herself, she couldn't allow her mind to fall apart. She let go of the letters, leaving them and her torrent of thoughts lying upon the cold ground of the cave.

Her eye line drifted to the wall and she studied the rifles lined along the rough rock, her mind once again on the task she had set herself. It was true they were the right kind of size but she highly doubted she could throw anything so heavy high enough for it to be of any use.

Just as her mind began to dwell upon morbid thoughts of slowly dying of thirst her gaze caught a small gleam. Her eyes widened and she stood abruptly rushing over to the item that had been partly concealed in shadow. She grasped the smooth walking cane in her hand and judged its weight. Her heart sank as she realized the wood and gold item was far too heavy, not as heavy as a rifle but still it would not help her. Defeated, she moved to lean it back against the wall before a small flickering of an idea made itself known to her, Johnny Duke had owned a cane just like this. She ran her hand over the smooth surface of the wood, looking for a join and there half way up, disguised by a band of gold, was the small ridge she had been searching for. She grinned and took the cane into both her hands and twisted.

Ella felt the object resist for a moment but soon the satisfying twist came and she began to unscrew it until it came apart in two pieces. Her grin spread as she realized she had a chance, that it hadn't all been for nothing.

She rushed over to the braided silk and cloth and tied one half of the cane to the rope before giving it a small test swing. It held well and her spirits lifted further. Ella glanced up at the tunnel, she assumed that dawn would soon be appearing and once it did she could put her plan in motion, it was true she had no idea if it would work, but she had to try.

She sat back and rested herself against one of the crates, letting her eyes close and her mind wander as a vague sleep washed over her, Ella knew she would need all her strength if this was to work, if she did get out of this cave she had at least a day's walk back to Ojinaga. She wondered absently as sleep playfully tugged at her if Billy would help her find Doc and warn him, but an icy chill somewhere deep within her said that she would not reach him before Joey, Joey would already be on his way to finish off the rest of Call's men. She forced the unpleasant thought from her mind although she knew the likely outcome of the two meeting would result in one losing their life.

---

Ella awoke an hour or so after she had first sat down and rested. She could see a sickly pale light filtering in from outside, the dark passageway seeming to drag all the sweetness from the glow the sun normally offered. Ella pushed herself up onto her feet, her back and shoulders gave small protests at being made to sleep in such an uncomfortable position. She ignored the twinges and fetched her newly made object from the floor and, giving the cave a last glance of repulsion, she began to make her way to the small crevice. The dark corridor was much easier to navigate in the light of day and she made good time in reaching the high rock face.

She shaded her eyes and searched for the place she knew Joey had climbed the night before. When she felt certain she had located it she began to swing the rope with steady movements, gaining speed in her task, before she threw the rope and half of the cane with all her strength upwards. It reached the top, but her angle had been slightly off and the cane bounced off the edge, falling to the ground near her feet with a dull clatter. She picked it up and tried again and again, praying silently each time that it would reach its intended destination and if it did fall back down the cane would not shatter. A few times her throw met the mark but she could not get any grip on the rope lying at the top and the cane fell back without its intended prize. How many hours she labored she was unsure but she would not give up and only rested when she felt she had to.

Finally she reached her goal. The cane above snagged on something and Ella's heart skipped a beat and her whole body gave a tremor. Slowly she eased the braid with her hands towards her and to her great relief a rope came into view and fell in a ripple over the brink down towards her. The fear that she had avoided dwelling upon, that the rope would have been cut, bore no fruit and it hung still attached to the top. Ella gave a roar of triumphant laughter and walked towards it with a swell of pride at her achievement, she gave it a light tug before hesitating, the rope had left burns and small blisters upon her hands from the night before. She dashed back into the cave and searched a moment before finding what she sought, a pair of ladies leather kid gloves, it was true that they would not offer her much protection but they may bear the brunt of the rope and save her own palms a little. She grabbed a man's velvet jacket and tried the arms around her waist, the clothing would serve her well in the heat of the noon day sun, she could shade her neck, face and head from the unrelenting rays.

Ella made her way back to the waiting rope and pulled the gloves onto her hands. She braced herself for the climb and taking one last deep breath she began the arduous task.

---

Joey left the lip of the crevice. Perhaps she thought he would return any moment and take her to safety, but he had no intention of seeing her now, not tomorrow… not until he had finished with Call's men and with Doc. Joey felt certain he was the reason for Ella's stubbornness, in the past she had always gladly fallen into his arms if he gave her a look of desire, smile if he gave her the merest notion of a kind word and now all she was doing was fighting against him and not in the usual way, he could sense the difference in her. She didn't want him anymore, she wanted to leave… Joey would rather she rot in the cave than to allow her that freedom. She was becoming more and more like his mother, selfish and only interested in the next man. If Ella gave herself to Doc and married him that would make two men she had wedded and three men she claimed to love… but then Joey didn't know how many times she had whispered those words into other men's ears to get what she wanted. Perhaps all the times she had claimed to be true to him was nothing but a whore's lie. If this was true he wanted to find out where her heart was, did she really have one? If the mood took him one day he would possibly find out when he was through with her… if he was ever through with her… For now if she stayed he would be forgiving, and she had no choice but to stay if he willed it. He was confident she'd find the canteens of water in the cave given enough time, the contents may be a little stagnant but it would stop her dying of thirst. By the time he returned she would be weak from lack of food, and this affliction alone would force her to welcome him into open arms and beg for his mercy. He would break her…

He made his way back down to where his horses still awaited him. He took the bridle off one of them but left the saddle. He'd stolen the animal anyway and now he had no use for it, it could do as it pleased. He mounted his own horse and began his journey through the night, he knew exactly where his destination lay and he planned to make it in good time.

Joey rode for many hours, his fixation on killing keeping him wide awake as his mind mulled over what he would do to the men. He had already decided he would not just take each one out with his rifle, as easy as that would be there was no sport in it; Joey wanted to play with his prey a little. He decided that he would shoot any that disobeyed him or tried to leave. He would herd them into hiding, killing their animals and then in the night he would take all their provisions, leaving them with nothing but raw horseflesh to dine upon. He smirked at the idea.

Joey would then herd them further into the desert, giving them no other choice than to begin to walk, with no water and no food, he would force them into the depths of the desert. He would make them starve, a more deserving and cruel death he could not think of and it pleased him greatly.

By late morning he had taken his position upon a sandy hill above the posse's camp. Their fire had been easy to make out even in the daylight and the tracks of their horses simple to follow. Joey had tied his horse a short distance from him as he crawled towards the edge, his rifle slung over his shoulder.

He watched the scene below him for some time, they had just begun to brew coffee and fry bacon. Joey hadn't eaten since the day before but he felt no hunger, only that clutching longing that clasped around him before he executed his plans. There were four men sat around the fire. A plump man who looked like he did not belong out here, he was dressed as any other man in the area but the clothing looked uncomfortable on him as if it didn't have any place upon his body. Joey thought the man would have been more at home in a stuffy suit. Sat next to this man was a young lawman Joey knew vaguely, he was deputy sheriff in Laredo, young, good looking and from all the tales Joey had heard in the saloons, stupid.

He also knew the old Indian man who was sipping at his coffee with his eyes glazed over in thought. This was Famous Shoes, the Kickapoo tracker. Joey wondered if he should at least let this man go, after all he owed him a little… Joey finally decided to see if Famous Shoes would take the good advice of his own common sense and head for better places once the shooting began, if not Joey would have no choice on the matter, if the Indian sided with the gringos he would have to kill him. Finally there was the blonde man, Doc. He looked travel tired and dirty.

Unafraid and feeling wide awake, Joey took aim…

---

Doc had arrived in the night; all the men had been asleep apart from the portly Mr. Brookshire whose turn it must have been to stand watch. Doc had quickly come to see how jittery Brookshire was when it came to anything unexpected. On their fourth day out in the plains tracking Joey Garza he had killed their best pack mule thinking they were being attacked by Indians. In truth it had all been in Brookshire's head, a nightmare. Doc had called out as he approached the camp, announcing who he was and hoping it would be enough to calm Brookshire's nerves.

"Doc?" Brookshire cried back in surprise.

"Yeah it's me."

"Oh thank God!" Brookshire said as Doc came into the light of the small fire. "We were all getting worried, the Captain's been gone for days and, well we'd started to think of packing up and heading home."

Doc dismounted and secured his horse to a nearby branch of wood. "Well, I've come to tell you all to do just that."

Brookshire looked startled. "I beg your pardon?"

Doc laughed, this Yankee always did have a very gentlemanly way of speaking. "You're packin' up tomorrow an' headin' for the nearest big town." He paused, noticing that Famous Shoes was now fully awake. Doc nodded at the old man in greeting.

"But what about Captain Call and Joey Garza?" Brookshire continued.

"Captain Call won't be chasing any bandits for a good while. The Garza boy ambushed him and shot him up pretty good." Doc paused, seeing the man before him take in a large shocked breath. "So without a leader I think it's best we forget the chase for now, once we get into town you can contact your Colonel and tell him what's happened, I'm sure he'll tell you what's to be done."

"Colonel Terry is not going to be happy" Brookshire said unhappily. "He wanted this Garza boy dealt with and if that hasn't happened I reckon he'll be mad enough to bite himself."

Doc couldn't help but laugh and wished it was true, that this man Terry did bite himself. Brookshire seemed to live in fear of what his boss would do next and Doc liked the portly Brookshire. The poor man was not even meant to be out here, he was just a desk clerk used to dealing with accountants, but when the man who had been chosen to make the journey out here to the wilds died, choking on a champagne cork, Terry had chosen one of his grunt workers for the job.

"Where's the Captain?" Another voice barged into the conversation. It was the young deputy from Laredo, Ted Plunkett, now fully awake and gathering enough of the conversation to know things were not well.

"The Captain's been badly injured, he's in a Mexican village not far from here. You're all to leave tomorrow, head back into the nearest big town."

Ted nodded in understanding. "I can't say I'm sad to hear that Doc." He looked at the fire a moment. "I've been wantin' to get back home for a long while now, I have a wife… and a baby on the way too."

Doc gave a small smile. "Well you can start on your way back tomorrow." He paused, getting his bedroll down from his horse. "We'll just try and sleep until then, I've ridden a good way and I'm tired, I need to get some sleep, good few hours till dawn yet."

The deputy nodded again before lying back down.

Doc laid out his bed and relaxed into it without much thought; all he wanted now was sleep and the morning to come. Once all these men were on their way he could return to Ojinaga and Ella.


	52. Chapter 52

The next morning Doc awoke late, feeling somewhat refreshed. Soon bacon and coffee was being made for breakfast. The smell was almost heavenly, he felt so hungry. They made some small talk and Doc passed over a cup of coffee to Brookshire as they ate. The man smiled in thanks and reached out to take it. A loud crack rang out about them and the cup of steaming coffee flew into the air, another crack and the frying pan and bacon were disrupted sending grease flying in all directions. Doc gave a sharp cry of surprise as some of the hot liquid landed upon one of his hands.

Within a second Famous Shoes was on his and feet heading for cover before any of the other men had fully understood the situation. Another shot rang out and one of the pack horses went down.

"Run!" Doc cried, realizing fully what was happening. "Grab a gun and get under cover!" he ordered the two men left. Brookshire grabbed his big cumbersome shotgun and then headed for shelter from the onslaught; Ted it seemed had lost all his senses and just ran towards the thickets, Brookshire close behind. Doc already had his handgun at his hip and grabbed a rifle before he began to follow the other two men; he glanced back over his shoulder and saw another horse fall down dead.

They all took cover in some large thickets that lay beside the river; they ran a little further, out of the path of any bullets and came to a rest near the bank.

"Where'd Famous Shoes go?" Ted asked in panic. "He's abandoned us!"

"Calm down Ted, Famous Shoes looks after himself; you should have known that by now."

"Do you reckon it's him? That it's the Garza boy come after us after doin' Call in?"

Doc gave the young boy an annoyed glance. "I told you the Captain's alive."

Ted turned his attention to Brookshire, asking the same question with his eyes.

"I have no idea who it is" Brookshire said, trying to catch his breath, his brow furrowed as he thought. "Maybe it's those vaqueros Famous Shoes picked up the tracks of a day or so back?"

"No." Doc said certainly. "If it was plain ol' bandits they'd have rode in and slaughtered us. They wouldn't have shot the horses either, they're valuable to them."

"Then it is him!" Ted said, panic again edging his voice. "We're done for."

"Ted, you're not helpin'" Doc said, pushing his hair out of his eyes. "Did you manage to get any guns?"

Brookshire held up his shotgun and Doc groaned. "Why did you bring that great thing!" he scolded. "A rifle would have been better." He turned to Ted who looked sheepishly up at him, the small gesture stating he hadn't brought anything. Doc gave a small grunt of frustration.

Doc furrowed his brow, turning his thoughts back to the situation at hand. "Why didn't he just shoot us?" he pondered to himself. "Why did he kill the animals? It don't make any sense."

"Nothing makes sense out here!" Brookshire lamented. "This whole damn trip hasn't made a bit of sense. The Captain's injured and we're stuck out here with hardly any guns and a young boy with more skill with a rifle than Colonel Terry has with whores!"

Doc glanced at him, surprised by his anger fueled outburst, but then the prospect of death did make men change a little.

"We'll be alright. There are three of us and only one of him" Doc tried, but Brookshire wasn't listening.

"We'll all be dead as soon as this boy feels like finishing us off" he mumbled.

"We just have to hold out until nightfall, we can go back into camp and get some food." Doc scratched his chin in thought. "That boy was hitting what he was aimin' at, question is why wasn't he aimin' at us… it doesn't make sense."

Brookshire clutched at his shotgun and with his free hand pinched the bridge of his nose under his round rimmed glasses. "Nothing out here makes any sense, it's all just killing" he bemoaned with distaste. He looked glum for a moment before seeming to regain himself a little and turning to Doc.

"What will we do now?"

"You reckon we'll have to fight?" Ted put in.

"Hunker down and wait till it gets dark, then we can gather supplies" Doc repeated, with a small reassuring nod to them both.

"Can't we just hike down the river?" Brookshire asked. "We can't get lost if we follow the river." He swallowed. "He'll leave us be if we follow the river."

Doc checked the bullets in his pockets; he only had two and what was already loaded in the rifle. He then checked his pistol, it was loaded but not full. "Unless he flushes us out... I got the feeling he wants us to run, though I don't know why he does."

The three men fell silent and sat back, waiting for the time the sun would go down.

---

The moon shone clearly and offered a little light to guide them back to where their camp had been. Doc's eyes widened as he beheld the sight, everything had been stripped. The food was gone along with saddles, blankets and even the cooking pots. Joey Garza had taken everything.

"Damn, the rascal took it all!" Ted said in clear disbelief.

"I'll say he did. He didn't even leave us a pot. We don't have anything to cook in it if he had" Brookshire said with a shake of his head.

"Do you have any matches?" Doc asked, turning to Brookshire. "You smoke a pipe sometimes."

"I haven't fired up today" Brookshire said sadly. "The matches were in my saddle bag along with my pipe."

Doc furrowed his brow in irritation. They did have food but no way to cook it. He pulled out his knife and leant by one of the dead horses.

"Well, I've had to eat raw horsemeat before, reckon I can do it again" he said casually and began to slice thin strips of meat from the animal's flank.

Brookshire gave a small noise of displeasure but Doc knew it wouldn't be long before he wanted a piece too.

"Let's head further down river. Famous Shoes will catch up with us eventually" Doc said, giving them both a firm nod.

They all turned and began to walk back, but they hadn't taken more than a few steps before a shot rang out and hit a rock near Brookshire's foot. The three men stopped dead and another shot rang out, just missing Doc's elbow.

"Get to cover, he's marked us!"

The men ran back into the thicket and found some cover as the clouds above them opened and rain poured down, heavy and unrelenting.

Brookshire rested back against a sandy rock. "Let him come and kill us. He's going to anyway. He knows right where we are. He's got our food and ammunition. He's just playing with us now. He can kill us anytime, and he knows it!" He paused, his voice becoming embittered. "I've spent nothing but cold nights since I got to Texas. I'll be damned if I want to spend another cold night, squatting on my heels, just to get shot in the morning. He can shoot me now and spare me the shivering."

Doc glanced at Ted, whose face mirrored Brookshire's.

"Mr. Brookshire's right Doc, I'm tired of this."

"We're all tired" Doc tried to reassure, "Don't give up yet."

"He shot Captain Call, and he's a famous Ranger, if he can shoot him he can kill us easily." Ted said.

"Let's go to the creek. We'll give it one more night. If we go back, he might let us go." Doc tried again to lift their spirits.

"Go back where? There's nothing back that way. I'd rather be shot than starve, and I'd even rather be shot than shiver all night. I'm tired of shivering, and I'll tell Joey Garza so, if I see him. I'll tell Colonel Terry something, too, if I make it back to the office. Joey Garza can rob all the trains he wants to, but Ned Brookshire's resigning. I'll be damned if I'll wander around Mexico any longer, freezing to death!" A slightly crazed look had entered his eyes as he spoke. Doc had seen this look before and there was no reasoning with any man who had it.

Ted suddenly saw the situation for what it was, Brookshire wasn't just tired like he was, he was thoroughly through with everything, Brookshire was going to leave. "Mr. Brookshire, just wait one more night. There's three of us like Doc said, we might beat him. We'd do better sticking together."

"I appreciate the thought" Brookshire said honestly, looking at the young boy."But I've waited and waited, and now I'm going, killer or no killer. I can follow the river as well as the next man, I guess. Maybe I'll get through." He paused and turned to Doc. "If I don't get through all I ask is that you send my love to my sister."

"I don't know your sister Ned!" Doc said, desperately trying to grasp at any reason he could find to make the man stay. "I wouldn't know how to get word to her."

"Her name's Matilda Morris, she lives in Avon, Connecticut. Tell her I regret I had no time to write before I left… but Colonel Terry wanted me on the next train, and that was that" he said sadly.

Brookshire turned to Ted and extended his hand; they shook fondly, the gesture had a certain air of sorrow etched to it, before he turned to Doc and grasped his hand in his and shook it hard. He stood up, cocked both barrels of his shotgun and waded bravely out into the night.

Doc glanced at Ted once again, there was nothing to be done other than wait for the outcome.

---

Joey could clearly see where the three men had tried to hide. He was pleased that Famous Shoes had run off into the night, he didn't like the thought of killing the old man, his bullet would be wasted. A heavy rain had begun to fall and Joey sat surrounded by all the belongings he had gathered from the men's dead horses and camp. There wasn't much that he wanted to keep but that wasn't the point, the point was to give these men no other choice but to walk, he'd make sure they ended up dead one way or another.

Suddenly his attention was caught by movement; one of the men was standing from their hiding place. Joey smirked; the man must be a fool to leave the shelter of the thicket. But his reasons did not concern Joey, at least now he could get some sport in to the dismal, rain soaked night. His alert eyes followed the man as he walked out into the camp area, a large ugly shotgun in his hand. It was the portly man with glasses, far too easy but better than nothing.

Joey tried for a moment to picture what was going through the man's mind. By the look upon his face he was dwelling upon his home and the longing he felt to be back there. He walked cautiously over the grass and silently Joey slipped into the darkness and made his move. The man had turned his face up to the sky, relishing the cool rain, perhaps thinking he was past the worst, that the deadly bandit was asleep. Joey soon proved all his hopes were useless. He stepped out as a crack of lightning bathed the area in an eerie glow. Joey pulled back the hammer of his pistol and the familiar click rang out, alerting the man to his presence, to the death he couldn't escape from.

The man whirled around to face him, his face falling in fear before he seemed to regain himself. He studied Joey for a moment as the harsh lightning continued to strike down and illuminate them. Joey's pistol was aimed directly at his head and he knew there was no escape.

"Well…" Brookshire said calmly, his eyes holding contempt for the young man before him. "At least I've seen your face."

Joey didn't reply or show any kind of emotion, he pulled the trigger and the bullet struck the man through the head. He dropped to the ground like a heavy sack of flour, dead even before his body had come to a rest. Joey thought the man had died well for a fat gringo, but he felt no remorse and as silently as he had come into the clearing he stepped back into the shadowed cover of the long grasses.

---

Doc and Ted heard the shot echoing in the night air, it chilled them both to their very bones. They glanced at each other, sharing a small silent moment in memory for their friend who now lay dead somewhere out there in the cold rain.

They huddled close as the rain continued to fall, it was only a heavy shower and thankfully it subsided as quickly as it had begun. Again they were left with nothing to do but wait, in daylight perhaps they would have a better chance at knowing what was to be done – what could be done…

Neither spoke, finding that they had nothing to say. Their words would only have dwelled on Brookshire and the morbid fact that he was no more… their own fates may be little better and Doc knew at such moments it was best to avoid voicing such thoughts, people tended to panic when faced with their own mortality. Ted was young, only just into his twenties and Doc knew the young could take such things to heart.

The fact that he too may die did not pass Doc's mind unheeded, he too feared death as most men did but not because of what lay beyond the threshold, the unknown path that may or may not exist… to Doc the thing he feared most was leaving those he loved behind. He couldn't bear to think of Ella mourning for him, for being the cause of her tears and sadness. Doc had lost many friends over the years and he bitterly knew better than most that death was a journey everyone must take sooner or later and it was always worse on those left behind in the world of the living, the dead had no cares anymore…

He dozed lightly, the rifle pulled to his chest as Ted slumbered uneasily beside him. Doc knew they now only had two near spent weapons between them, against a young bandit who not only had a deadly rifle but all their supplies and guns, their chances did not seem too bright.

As dawn began to break through and turn the surrounding sky a welcoming golden color, Doc heard light footfalls. He swallowed and readied himself for whoever was approaching, his finger upon the trigger and his muscles taught and ready.

He soon lowered the gun as he saw Famous Shoes making his way through the long grass towards them. Doc smiled at the old Indian, his heart gladded by the sight of him, at least he hadn't abandoned them fully. But Doc also knew Joey would not have allowed him to just wander through without heed, Doc was fully aware Famous Shoes and Joey Garza had crossed paths.

Famous Shoes crouched beside him and glanced around.

"Is Brookshire dead?" Doc asked, not turning to look at the Indian.

"Yes, Joey shot him" Famous Shoes replied matter-of-factly.

Doc nodded. "So, when's he comin' to kill us?"

"He says if you will give him your boots, he will let you both go. He doesn't think you'll follow him without your boots."

Doc gave him a wary look. "Why didn't he kill you?"

"I am too old to waste bullets on." Famous Shoes looked out towards the river. "Joey wants me to bring him your boots" he continued impatiently.

Doc pursed his lips in thought as a sleepy Ted finally began to stir and awake from his uncomfortable slumber. "Where is he?" Doc said, turning fully to Famous Shoes.

"He is by 'Ie Concho'. If you go towards the village, I think he will kill you. If you go the other way, he might let you go."

Doc narrowed his eyes, Joey didn't want him to head back to Ojinaga, that much was clear and Doc doubted it had anything to do with Captain Call… this was to do with Ella. Joey was trying to keep him away… and Doc didn't trust this bandit's word even an inch.

Doc shook his head. "I'm goin' back to the village" he said simply. "I don't think that boy has any intention of lettin' me or Ted walk out of this alive."

Famous Shoes nodded in understanding. "You may be right, maybe not." He paused, "Can I borrow your knife? Joey took mine. I want to cut myself some horsemeat so I will have food."

"Sure" Doc said distractedly, trying to think, his mind settled upon an idea. "I'll do better than that if you do me a favor, I'll give you this knife." Doc pulled his bowie knife out of its sheath and showed it to Famous Shoes. "See it'll keep a good edge."

"What is it you want me to do?" Famous Shoes said untrustingly.

"I'll tell you later, let's eat first."

"Can I have some of your horsemeat until I can cut some for myself?" Famous Shoes asked.

Doc nodded and handed him a strip of meat before passing a piece to Ted who looked on listening intently.

"I don't like to be with Joey" Famous Shoes continued, chewing upon his food.

"Why not?" Ted put in.

"He might get in a bad mood and kill me. He has a temper." Famous Shoes again returned to eating.

Ted nodded in understanding but his expression was puzzled.


	53. Chapter 53

It was dusk when Ella saw the lines of buildings in the distance. She thought for a moment she was imagining the sight, that her thirst was making her see what she wished. But with each step the small adobe houses seemed to get closer and she slowly began to understand that Ojinaga was really right before her. Her need for something to drink seemed to intensify with this fact, the mere thought that water was within her reach made her throat feel as if it were coated in sand. She forced her tired body onwards and within the hour she was taking her first long awaited steps into the small village.

A few women who stood outside their homes gossiping stopped their conversation abruptly and stared at her. Ella thought she must look a sight indeed, dressed in fine velvet that was dusty, torn and sweat stained. It would give them all something to discuss for the next few weeks, this amusing thought lifted her spirits some and her steps became more determined. Maria's house was so close she could clearly see it in her mind's eye and when the sight did come into her view it took all her remaining strength to not burst into tears. Instead her anguish and anger over the last day came out in a scream containing a name.

"Maria!" It seemed for a moment that her shrill voice echoed around the village and she felt many eyes turning her way. Ella felt that her body would finally give out at any moment and she doubted she could make it to the small adobe house without help.

It was only a short moment before Maria appeared at the doorway. Ella wanted to will her legs forwards but she felt leaden and so tired that all she could do was stand and stare as her friend raced down the sloping path towards her. Maria's arms came around her in a warm, needed embrace. Ella felt it had just been in time as she did not trust her muscles to hold her on her feet much longer.

The closeness of her friend made Ella again want to weep but her eyes felt dusty and dry.

"Ella." Maria's voice broke the emotional silence. "I was so worried."

"Joey…" Ella managed through dry lips.

"I know" Maria said quickly, cutting her words off. "I sent Billy out to find your tracks but he is old and his eyes are no good anymore."

All Ella could give as a reply was a stiff nod.

Maria easily sensed the young girl's exhaustion and, wrapping an arm around her to support her weight should she fall; she led her young friend into the house. The first thing that Ella became aware of was the familiar scents, aromas of home and comfort. They relaxed her mind and worries for the time being.

Maria guided Ella into the large chair by the fire, before rushing to get a large mug of water and placing it into Ella's sore hands.

"Sip the water" Maria instructed.

Ella nodded and began to drink small amounts of the liquid, thankful for the soothing effect upon her throat.

"Where's Billy?" she finally asked, her voice still sounding cracked and strained with effort.

"He should be back soon; he has gone asking and looking for anything of you and my son."

Ella looked at Maria directly. "You knew Joey had taken me?"

The older woman nodded. "I knew" she said simply, to Ella it seemed as if she was trying to bury some emotion this news brought with it.

"Where is Joey now?"

Ella shook her head. "I don't know, he said he was goin' after Call's men…" She paused, her eyes filling with sudden hot, painful tears. "Doc's with them." She again looked at Maria, distress etching into her features. "He's goin' to kill Doc."

Maria looked saddened but had no reply to give. "I will boil some water and you can dress in clean clothing."

Ella knew it was hard for her friend to discuss this situation or offer any comforting words, if Joey didn't kill Doc it would be because Doc, or someone else in Call's posse, had killed Joey.

Ella nodded, knowing that nothing could be done, she could talk to Billy when he returned but by then whatever had happened between Doc and Joey would be over. Billy could only find the aftermath of what had come to pass. The only thing left to do was get clean and sleep, the morning would perhaps bring clearer thought.

---

Famous Shoes had snuck back towards the camp. Joey had been irritated by this development; the old man obviously had no sense. He had snuck up upon the Kickapoo and surprised him in the same way he had surprised the fat gringo. Famous Shoes had sensed Joey and turned upon his heel, his hand resting, ready, on the knife at his belt. The two had stared at each other for a long time, each trying to gauge the other.

"What are you doing old man?" Joey asked calmly, his tone icy.

Famous Shoes had taken a moment to reply. "Call's men say they will teach me tracks in books if I help them, I want to learn."

Joey furrowed his brow a little. "You mean the gringos will teach you to read?"

Famous Shoes nodded.

"You will help them to kill me, is that what you wish?" Joey asked, his voice bearing a hint of heat.

"No," the old man replied, matter-of-factly, "I just wish to learn and get my payment for tracking for them."

"Tracking me" Joey said with a smirk, Famous Shoes nodded.

The old Indian's gaze was drawn to the body of the fat gringo who lay dead a few feet away.

"You killed Brookshire" Famous Shoes commented dryly.

"Brookshire? The fat gringo?" Joey gave an uncaring glance at the body lying upon the ground.

Famous Shoes gave a certain nod.

Joey smirked and strode over to the corpse, now it was all done he might as well see if this Brookshire had anything worth taking. He checked the man's jacket pockets. Paper money and a few business cards were concealed within a leather wallet; Joey threw them to the ground, his attention caught by a golden glint. He removed the man's pocket watch from an inner pocket in his waistcoat and studied it. It wasn't the fanciest watch he had ever taken but it was pretty enough and Joey slipped it into his breast pocket before glancing back at Famous Shoes.

"What about the gun?" Famous Shoes asked, nodding towards the large shotgun.

Joey gave a cruel smirk. "I do not want it" he said simply. "It is too ugly." He got up from his crouched position and turned fully to face the older man. He studied him for a long moment, he could tell his cool gaze made the man uncomfortable, the Indian was trying to work out if he would walk out of this situation with his life.

"I will not kill you old man, I owe you for your gift of food when I was with the Apache." He paused, allowing his mind to drift back to that day in coldest, deepest winter. He had been young and near starving. Why the visiting Kickapoo gave him a share of his own bowl was still a mystery but Joey had been grateful. "But you must do something for me" Joey continued, leaving his memories behind.

Famous Shoes gave him a distrusting glance.

"Go to the gringos; tell them I will let them go if they will give me their boots, I don't think they will want to keep following me without their boots."

Famous Shoes glanced towards where Doc and Ted lay in hiding before returning his gaze to Joey.

"Tell them to walk away from the village."

Famous Shoes gave a slow nod. "I will tell them" he said, before turning to make his way to where he knew they were.

Joey watched the old man, his thoughts turning. It would be easier for them to give up and die in the wastes if they had no boots…

---

Doc finished his piece of horsemeat as Ted grudgingly still chewed upon his first bite.

"What is the favor you want?" Famous Shoes broke the silence. It seemed he could not wait to find out what the plan was, the Kickapoo was a curious man and Doc supposed this fact had kept him alive for many years.

Doc pulled off his boots and motioned for Ted to do the shame, the deputy took up the task with vigor glad of the distraction from the horseflesh.

"Take these boots to Joey, tell him we're leavin'. When you pass the body of Brookshire, stop a moment. Just stop and look down, pretend you're lookin' at a track." Doc paused. "I need to know where that shotgun is. I figure it's our only chance."

Famous Shoes looked doubtful. "I will take Joey the boots. Are you sure you will teach me about the tracks in books?" he asked uneasily.

Doc nodded. "It's part of the terms of you workin' for us an' I promised you didn't I?" he said, a little irritated.

"Then I will stop." Famous Shoes gave a certain nod. "I will go now."

Doc nodded and cocked his rifle before turning to Ted. "Take my gun; it only has a few bullets left." He pushed his near spent pistol into Ted's hands.

Ted nodded reluctantly.

"When I move follow behind me, keep low, understand?"

Ted nodded again.

"When I start firin' you start firin' too, hopefully we can distract him long enough to get to that shotgun."

"But… why don't we just let him have our boots and walk away from this village he don't want us near?"

"Because Ted, Joey Garza don't intend on lettin' us live. If I'm right, an' I think I am, he's goin' to try and starve us out on the plains, this is the only chance we got."

"Oh lord!" Ted said gripping his pistol. "I'm right behind you Doc." He nodded setting his jaw.

Doc gave him a reassuring smile before turning to Famous Shoes and giving him a certain nod.

---

Joey's patience was growing thin. It had been hours since he had allowed the old Kickapoo to go into the brush and find Call's two men. The sun was now high in the sky and he was becoming bored of crouching among the tall grass. He wanted the chase to start, to run down the two men until they had nothing left in them but pleas and cries for mercy.

A small movement caught Joey's attention and his eyes snapped to the source. Famous Shoes was making his way towards him, he was some distance away, but he could clearly see that the old man was carrying two sets of boots. His plan was beginning to fall in place and Joey felt his mood lighten a little.

Then the Indian stopped near the body of the fat gringo, Brookshire. Joey furrowed his brow, puzzled by this action, he watched him closely, was he checking for tracks or mourning the loss of a companion? Joey knew the likely answer was tracks, Famous Shoes cared very little for people. Famous Shoes ran on and Joey rose up, wishing to see fully what had so interested him. His attention had been too focused upon his curiosity to notice the two figures moving quickly towards him.

A shot rang out and a bullet flew close by to him. Joey pulled out his pistol, silently cursing the fact that his horse, only tethered a few feet away, had his rifle stowed in the saddle. His eyes flew to the men now running towards him without any regard for their own safety, the sight disarmed his wits for a moment and his own first shot was delayed. Finally he regained himself and began firing, he knew his aim with the pistol was at best adequate, but his bullet hit the mark, burying itself deeply into Doc's shoulder, the man slowed but did not stop his pace. Joey fired at the other man, it too struck, shattering the bone in the young man's hip, but still they both came as if they didn't even feel the pain. Joey felt nervous; disquieted by these men who seemed to either not know or not care that they had been shot. He fired again, this time his aim was bad and he only succeeded in wounding Doc in the foot.

Doc was no more than thirty yards away now and still gaining; the deputy had taken cover and continued to shoot although no bullets were well aimed enough to injure Joey. Doc passed the corpse of Brookshire and Joey saw him bend and scoop up the large, cumbersome shotgun, the gun Joey himself had left loaded right there in the open.

The skin upon his scalp and neck prickled as the realization of what was happening washed over him; he'd been careless and let his guard slip… now he was in real danger. He quickly turned and began to run for his horse, he was mere feet away from mounting the animal when the first pepper of shot hit him. The aim had been slightly off and the shot hit his legs and calves, the pain was hot and searing, shooting up his body like icy water. Joey stumbled from the impact, falling to the ground with a heavy thump. He quickly regained his footing, ignoring the pain that was now throbbing like a second heartbeat through his blood. He grabbed for his saddle horn and began to hurl himself into his seat.

Joey gave a hiss of pain as another load of shot hit him in the back but he refused to let go and pulled himself into the saddle. He dug his spurs into the animal's sides and the horse obeyed, taking him away from the danger, but Joey was no fool, he knew the damage may have already been dealt.

---

Doc was breathing hard and fast. His shoulder was bleeding and his stocking covered foot was soaked through with blood. He bent his head, catching his breath.

"You okay Ted?" he shouted.

"He hit me pretty good" came Ted's response. "Reckon I'll live."

"I reckon you will" Doc said with a small huff of laughter.

Famous Shoes appeared from out of the long grass, unscathed. "Here, take your boots" he said, handing Doc back his boots. "You hit Joey pretty good, I don't think he'll need them."

"I thought he was supposed to be a dead shot" Doc said with surprise, before examining his bleeding foot. "It looks like he shot my damn toe off though."

Doc bent down to Brookshire and fished out a few shells from the front pocket of the dead man's jacket before reloading the shotgun. He couldn't quite believe that Joey had just left, perhaps the young bandit would turn back or hide out somewhere close and try and shoot them all with his rifle.

Famous Shoes began to pick through Joey's belongings and found a good blanket and a sharp looking knife. "I think I will take this blanket, it is better than mine and this knife. You can have yours back." He handed Doc back his bowie knife.

"Suit yourself" Doc said with a small smile. "Ted" he shouted, turning back to where he knew the deputy was still resting. "We should head back to the river and get you looked at."

"You don't have to hide, I think you killed Joey" Famous Shoes said simply.

"Maybe ... maybe not, I reckon I'll get Ted treated then you can lead me back to Ojinaga, I'll get a horse and come back for Ted."

Doc turned to the body of Brookshire and looked down at it with regret. He removed his hat. "I guess I owe my life to you Ned. Wish you were alive so I could thank you." He paused and turned to Famous Shoes. "After all, he brought that damn big shotgun."


	54. Chapter 54

Doc tended to Ted's wounds before wrapping his own and set about getting blankets and some food from the pile Joey had left behind in his rush to escape. Famous Shoes waited as patiently as he could nearby, but it was obvious that he wanted to be on his way, he never had been one to stand idle. Doc made sure Ted had everything he needed and enough food to last him until help could be sent.

"If only that rascal hadn't kilt the horses" Ted said, frowning. "I'd be able to come with you." The young man had no more desire than Famous Shoes to sit around and do nothing.

"We'll be back with you by two days from now at the latest, just stay warm and eat what you can; I've cut you some more horse meat."

Ted sneered but nodded in thanks. "Well I hope you get here before I have to start on that."

Doc smiled. "So do I." He got to his feet and looked at Famous Shoes. "Let's get goin' then."

The old Indian did not reply but set off at his usual trot leading the way. Doc hobbled along after him, his foot pained him and he was now missing two of his toes thanks to one of the Garza boy's bullets but he was fit enough to travel on foot and the wound in his shoulder, a nasty bullet graze, had stopped bleeding.

They travelled without a long pause for many hours, Doc lost track of whether it was late morning or late afternoon. He supposed it didn't matter, he would be at Ojinaga before nightfall the following day, then he could rest and more importantly he could see Ella. He felt sure that he could employ some reliable men to go and fetch Ted, the young man would be in safe hands and he could plan his departure, he would not stay in Mexico any longer than he needed to. He felt in his very bones that Joey wasn't dead, the wounds the shotgun had inflicted, although painful beyond imagining, would not be enough to bring a man's life to an end… but they could kill him in the long term, if he didn't find a kind soul to pull each pellet out in the next few hours, infection may set in and poison his blood. Either way, Doc didn't want to dwell upon the boy anymore, he wanted to get Ella out, he had a strong urge to leave with her as soon as he could and he aimed to see that plan through.

Famous Shoes never seemed to tire, his trot never slowed and Doc found he had to keep reminding himself to pick up the pace. They made camp soon after night fell and slept briefly for a few hours before setting off again. Even in the unnerving darkness Doc knew he could trust Famous Shoes, the tracker didn't seem to need to see to know exactly where he was going and the best path to take. By the morning of the next day the village was in sight. Doc was exhausted and all his mind could think about was the bed that awaited him. He squinted up at the sky; he guessed it wasn't much past noon, the sun was high in the sky, beating down its unrelenting rays upon his already weakened body.

He entered the village barely able to keep his steps from faltering, but Famous Shoes led him on so he forced himself to put one foot in front of the other until the adobe of Maria Garza came into sight. On the steps sat the little blind girl Teresa, as the two men approached she stood up from her seat, her brow furrowed.

"Who are you?" she asked, sensing them before they had become close enough to bear any threat.

"It's me, Doc, and Famous Shoes."

Teresa smiled. "Doc?" She turned back towards the house and rushed up the stairs. "Mama!" she cried, "Doc is here."

Doc mounted the steps, his footfalls heavy, betraying how weary his body was. Maria soon came to the doorway.

"We were worried" she stated, matter-of-factly. "We thought Joey had killed you."

Doc stared up at her, unsure what to say and quickly decided not to say anything unless he was asked directly about her son's welfare. Maria looked behind him and her eyes fell upon Famous Shoes.

She gave a low sigh. "I better kill another chicken. That old man is always hungry when he comes here."

"Mama, don't kill my brown hen!" Teresa said with panic.

"I won't kill your hen. Tend to your patient, Teresa." Maria gestured back inside the house.

"I think we could both do with some good food if you can spare it Maria" Doc smiled. "How is Captain Call?" He stepped into the warmth of the house.

"He is getting better each day; Teresa tends to his every need." Her eyes took in his bloody clothing with a distrusting frown but remained silent on the subject.

"There will be frost tonight. Do you have any tortillas?" Famous Shoes asked, entering the adobe.

"Si, we have tortillas" Maria said. She turned back to Doc. "Where are your men?"

"I have to ask the same thing Doc, where are my men?" Call put in. He was lying in a side bed, snugly covered in blankets as Teresa fed him with a spoon.

"Joey killed Brookshire" Famous Shoes said casually, taking a tortilla and beginning to eat it. "Joey also shot Doc and he shot Ted and broke his hip. He is not bleeding much, but he cannot walk fast."

Maria had stopped her other tasks at the mention of her son's name. "Billy will help you fetch your man" she said distractedly, before turning to face Famous Shoes fully. "What about my son?"

"Doc shot Joey with the big shotgun - Joey rode away, he was shot in the back and legs. I don't know where he is. I didn't see his track."

Maria walked away and stared out of the window, her expression clearly stating she was fighting with two conflicting emotions, sorrow and relief. Finally she turned back to Doc, her eyes watering slightly.

"Ella is resting" she said, knowing this is what the man really wanted to hear of. "Joey came and took her; she escaped and came here a few days ago. She is not hurt" she said quickly, seeing the concerned look upon Doc's face. "She is still tired." She forced a smile. "But I am sure she would not mind if you woke her."

Doc gave a firm nod and made his way into the bedroom. Ella was sleeping on the large iron bedstead, a quilt covering her lightly. Gently he sat upon the bed and reached out a hand, he brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face. Ella's eyes slowly fluttered open and she looked at Doc with a sleep laden gaze. As her mind fully took in what she was seeing her eyes became wide.

"Doc?"

"Took me longer than I thought" Doc said with a forced grin, suddenly feeling a welling of emotion flood through him at the mere sight of her.

"Doc!" Ella breathed, as if just saying the name out loud was a huge relief. She sat up and wrapped her arms about his neck, pulling him close to her, uncaring that he smelled of stale sweat and died blood.

"Are you okay?" Doc asked, embracing her tightly and finding his eyes had begun to water.

"I'm okay" Ella sobbed through her own tears.

"Did he hurt you?" Doc pulled back, studying her face intently.

"No, I'm okay" she repeated, and Doc embraced her again, in the moment of being reunited all thoughts of what had occurred seemed to have dimmed and as it began to filter through she decided she couldn't tell him that she'd given herself to Joey, not now, not until they were far away from this place and all the sorrow and death it had brought them both.

"What happened?" Doc pulled back once more with his question.

Ella wiped at her wet cheeks. "He took me up to an old cave, an abandoned mine, he was going to kill me… but he still wanted me I guess." She paused, her eyes glancing away from his. "An' he wanted to find Call's men so he left, I guess he was going to come back for me later… or leave me there" Ella said, omitting half of what had happened in that dark, dank place.

Doc had always found he could read her easily and this time was no exception, she was keeping something from him, of that he was sure and in his heart he knew what she'd had to do to 'save' herself, but he had no time to dwell upon the matter, it would have to wait.

"What about you?" Ella asked, placing a palm to his cheek.

"I'm okay; a little shot-up is all."

Ella's eyes widened. "Are you hurt bad?"

Doc shook his head. "A bullet took a chunk out of my shoulder and I'm two toes less than when I set out." He grinned and gave a low chuckle. Ella found she couldn't help but laugh with him.

"Let me take a look and wrap it up with clean cloth" she said with a loving smile.

"Later," Doc smiled in return, "I have to send Billy out to get Ted, a man in the posse."

Ella hesitated, "And Joey?" She paused. "Did you kill him?" She felt strangely sick just speaking the words.

"No, I shot him, but he's still alive." He took both of Ella's hands in his. "That's why I want us to leave soon. There's a chance he might die from his wounds but I don't feel like chancin' it."

Ella nodded. "I think we should leave as soon as we can Doc."

"Make sure you're ready tomorrow, we'll leave no later than noon."

Ella squeezed his hands.

---

Joey rode aimlessly for hours, heading in only a vague direction he knew he wanted to go in, most of the time he allowed the horse to go where it pleased. The wounds in his back and legs burned and prickled unpleasantly, each movement he made felt like a strange stabbing pain that radiated through his entire being and caused him to grit his teeth. He had thought of going up onto a hill and shooting Doc after he had been hit by the big shotgun, but after he had ridden a little away from the clearing he no longer felt like he wanted to. His mind was blurred by the pain and he found no enjoyment in thinking of taking the man's life.

Joey was angry with himself. How could he, a great killer, commended by other killers, be caught out so shamefully? He knew his error had been to leaving that shotgun on the ground, it shouldn't have mattered if he wanted it or not he should have taken it. He berated himself over and over for the mistake, his mind replaying the whole scene many times as the pain continued to grow. He wanted to get home, his mother could tend to his wounds, pull out the pellets, make him good food until his strength was regained and wash his clothes so they were soft. These thoughts kept him awake and his hands wrapped around his horses' reins. Then when he was well he would take his brother and sister up to the cave and kill them… But what of Ella? She would die if he didn't go back for her. Perhaps if she died things would become simple again, but Joey found he didn't want things to return to how they had been without her. His mother would help, he would make her go and get Ella, bring her back to the village and then she could tend to him until he was well.

The pain was soon all he could focus upon and he welcomed its headiness, the effect left him feeling as if he was swaying slightly even though he was perfectly stationary. He finally stopped as night fell. He dismounted and sat upon the dusty, cold ground. He had no desire to make a fire and no blanket to wrap himself in, everything that had not been attached to his horse has been left back in that clearing. As he came to realize that he would find no comfort in rest, he got into the saddle again and allowed his horse to amble onwards.

By some point of the next day, Joey's horse had led him to where he wished to be. The animal knew the way home well and when Joey looked up he saw the outline of Ojinaga. With gritted teeth he dismounted and pulled out his telescope. Through its lens he could clearly see the goings on in the little village. Many people were going about their daily business and his mother's house stood solid and welcoming just as it always did. Joey gave a small, bitter laugh at the fact he both loved and despised the place. He could have moved to Mexico City a long time ago and yet he kept returning here as if he couldn't control the pull it had on him.

His attention was caught as a man emerged from the house. It was the old Indian, Famous Shoes. He watched with a furrowed brow as Famous Shoes began to trot out of the village. Joey's eyes narrowed as he saw the bundle the old man carried. It was Joey's own blue blanket, the one he had purchased in Mexico City. Joey wanted that blanket back, it was his and he hated anyone taking what was his. He folded the telescope and put it back in his saddle bag before swinging himself back up onto his horse.

---

Famous Shoes trotted along happily. He had become bored sitting in the stuffy house in Ojinaga, he always preferred outside to houses. They always felt like a cage to him, solid walls with only one small doorway. He would return back to Maria's home when it darkened a little more, when fresh food would be cooked. For now he was content in tracking small animals and reading a few sparse horse tracks he came across. He had been tracking for about an hour when he came across the first track that unnerved him. It was a horse track that he knew well, Joey Garza's track. Joey was slight but leant to the right when he was in the saddle, but the most telling sign was the droplets of blood that were upon the ground beside it.

Famous Shoes straightened up and looked around, his sharp eyes searching but he could see nothing. Perhaps the young boy had only passed this way. He got up from his crouched position and changed direction. He trotted on this path for a good few paces before he came across another track, the same track as he had already seen with blood glistening up at him, almost mocking him. Again he looked about him but saw nothing to cause alarm, he changed direction once more.

It was only a short time later that the same track greeted him; Joey Garza was playing games with him. He knew it was over; the young boy was skilled in tracking and already had him where he wanted him to be. Famous Shoes unfolded the blue blanket he had been carrying underneath his arm and laid it out upon the ground. He knelt down upon it and stretched his arms out towards the sky before beginning to sing his own personal death song.

As he sang, his voice rising higher and higher, he saw Joey Garza make his move. He rode out of his hiding place straight towards where Famous Shoes sat, his rifle across his saddle. He rode in close and slowly began to circle the old Indian, his very presence threatening, like a thunder cloud waiting to break with rain.

Famous Shoes watched him with wary eyes, his brow furrowing in confusion as Joey continued to ride around him. He noticed how the young boy's back looked as if it was festering mess; perhaps infection had already taken hold. Blood from the wounds upon his legs had run down his horse's sides, staining the animal's coat a dark red.

When Joey felt he was close enough he dismounted with ease, no outward signs of distress were present upon his expression, but Famous Shoes could see the distance within his gaze, the boy was in a lot of pain.

Famous Shoes' death song had faded to silence as the two men stared at each other.

"Get off my blanket. And give me back my knife" Joey demanded, and Famous Shoes noticed how the young man seemed to almost be stooping from the effort of just keeping himself upon his feet. Surprised by Joey's words Famous Shoes got up and handed over the blanket and knife just as had been requested, before he again sat back down and began his song once more. Now surely the boy would kill him for leading Call's posse in a hunt for him and for taking his belongings.

But Joey did not give him another glance; he simply got back onto his horse and began to ride away. Famous Shoes' eyes followed Joey's path, almost not daring to believe he had been spared… Why had he been spared? He watched Joey ride away for a few moments before he got to his feet and began to take a path away from Ojinaga. He felt he had tracked enough for one night and he knew where the young train bandit would be heading next.


	55. Chapter 55

Ella fell into a fitful sleep in Doc's arms. There had been much to arrange: Billy had gone after Ted with another man of the village who was willing to make the journey; Doc had washed and dressed in clean clothing, tended to his wounds and eaten some of Maria's good food before he finally turned his attention fully to Ella. They had discussed what route they would take and packed away all of Ella's belongings, leaving anything they could do without, they would be travelling by horseback so they would need to pack lightly, food and water taking precedence.

Ella found she could not wait to be free of this place. Once they were away she would confide in Doc about everything that had happened. If he was angry with her and cast her aside then she would have to find a way to accept that, but she had to get away from here no matter what it took. The thought had crossed her mind that perhaps she was using Doc to find a way out of her current situation, but she couldn't deny that she did love him. Not in a way she had ever loved anyone else, it was true, with Doc she felt she didn't have to pretend to be someone she wasn't, she could be who she really was, but whether that would be enough to hold them together, only time would tell.

When she finally awoke, soon after dawn, she felt she hadn't slept well. But today was a start of new beginnings and with Doc beside her, at least in this moment, she felt unafraid. She looked down at the man still slumbering next to her, gently she ran her fingers through his soft hair and he gave a small sigh as he claimed his senses from sleep. His eyes opened and focused upon her face, his lips curved into a smile and he pulled her down to him in a warm embrace, pressing his mouth to hers in a sweet, wanting kiss. Ella pulled back and smiled down at him, her eyes flicking to each of the features she had now grown to trust and love.

She seemed to hesitate, her lips parting before she pushed them together again, her gaze avoiding his for a moment. "That night…" she began. "In White Oaks… I want ya t' know…"

Doc pushed his fingertips against her lips, stilling her words. "Hush," he instructed softly "we don't need t' go into the past, not now, there'll be plenty of time for talkin' later. Today let's just move out of this village and set on our way before we start on talkin."

Ella nodded knowing he was right. She'd tell him all that was lingering within her heart when they were far from here.

They made their way to Maria's and ate a good breakfast before finishing securing any items into saddle bags, including fresh food and clean water in their canteens.

"I wonder where Famous Shoes got to?" Maria commented. "It is not like that old man to miss a free meal."

"Ah he probably saw tracks he wanted to follow" Doc said, sipping at a mug of coffee. "He told me many times how much he wanted to go and watch the eagles, maybe he finally went."

Maria gave a small nod.

"I need to travel to the town an hour or so from here" Doc said, turning to Ella. "They have some of my money in their bank an' I want to take it with me in case we need it" he paused giving her a comforting look as she frowned. "It's out of our way an' the longer you stay outta the saddle the better, we got a long ride an' you ain't used to it."

Ella nodded in understanding. "Will you be back by noon?"

Doc smiled. "Yeah I'll be back." He stroked her shoulder absently. "Just be ready to leave as soon as I do."

---

Joey watched from a good vantage point. His night had not been in anyway restful; the pain from the pellets in his back and legs had kept him awake. He felt weak and tired and also annoyed with himself. He had not killed Famous Shoes the day before, it would have been so easy but he had no will to do it. He just wanted his blanket and knife back; he had no desire to end the man's life. Joey had never felt like this before, the mere fact that he had the power to snuff out someone's existence had always been the thrill, the power he had lived for and now… it meant nothing, only the constant pain meant something.

He looked through his telescope once again, his focus upon his mother's house. He just had to wait for the lawman to leave, then he could go to his mother and she could help him. He had already planned what he would do fully now, he would go down and get her to remove the pellets, then she would fetch Ella and both would nurse him to health. When his strength came back he would kill his brother and sister, then his mother would have no choice but to see! To see herself for the whore she had been, for all the wrong she had done and through his siblings death he would show her what he fully thought of her. She would nurse him and give him attention, there would be only him then…

He saw the gringo, Doc, finally leave on his horse, heading towards a village that lay an hour's ride away. He had plenty of time to carry out his plan; he knew his mother would hide him from any posse or lawmen that would seek him. Soon it would all be over and everything would be as he had always wished it to be.

As Joey continued to watch, making sure he could indeed enter the village he saw a man of the village, plainly dressed, running up to his mother's house. His look was frantic. Joey began to ride down into the cluster of houses, keeping his telescope out so he could keep an eye on everything that was happening. For some reason he felt uneasy, disquieted. As he drew nearer his mind finally settled on the true reason. He was weak, had lost much blood and he knew that the wounds had become infected… he could perhaps still survive, that was true, but he felt so very weak. Perhaps death had finally caught up with him, its clammy fingers reaching out, grasping blindly for him… it would only be a matter of time before his luck ran out and those icy cold fingers grasped round his heart and halted its beating. He felt a rush of fear brush against his insides and his thoughts settled on a new plan, one that would suit his needs no matter what the outcome. If he was going to die it would not be alone…

---

"Maria!"

The shout startled both Maria and Ella who had been talking quietly at the table. Call was dozing slightly in the corner as Teresa watched over him like his own personal guard, the noise awoke him.

"Maria! Come quick! The baby is coming!" A distressed man appeared at the open doorway.

"Jorge, I will be there in a minute. Her labor has just begun" Maria said reassuringly.

"But Maria, she is screaming, I think she may die! You must come now!" Jorge said, anguish clear within his voice.

Maria gave a knowing smile towards Ella. It was something they had both seen many times. Childbirth seemed to consist of mostly wailing and wide eyed men convinced their wife was dying. All the men knew was the woman they loved was in pain and it brought a sympathetic glint to Maria's eyes.

Maria sighed, "I will come now." She gathered up a few clean rags and a good sharp knife. "You will have to come with me" she said, turning towards her two children.

"No Mama, I want to stay with the old man" Teresa said sternly, she had become quite attached to the Captain and barely left his side.

"You can't stay with him, not now. You must be near me" Maria protested.

"But why?" Teresa asked.

"Because your brother might come and I do not know what he will do" Maria said, glancing at Ella, knowing she would understand her fear. If Joey was injured who knew what he would do, he would be like a wounded animal. "I must go and bring this baby into the world, and you and Rafael must come and be near me, so you will be safe."

Teresa's hand sought Call's. "But the old man might die while I am gone" she said desperately.

"And you might die, too, unless you do as I say. Stop arguing, and come with me" Maria said, trying to contain her temper.

"I don't want to be away from Senor Call too long. He is my friend" Teresa said reluctantly.

Maria's eyes took on a cold snap. "He was not a friend to your grandfather!"

"Do not talk bad about Senor Call, I like him" Teresa said indignantly.

"Go on, Tessie. Do what your mother says. I'll be alright till you get back" Call said, trying to break the tension.

But Teresa shook her head, her stubbornness shining through. Ella could see the situation begin to escalate and although she had wanted to help Maria in the birth, knew that her help would be welcomed; she also knew her presence may be put to better use.

"I'll stay Tessie" she said, her voice bearing a tone of happiness, as if there was nothing more she would wish to do. "You go on with your Ma and I'll take care of Captain Call, you know I'm good at taking care of people, remember when your Ma was sick a few years back?"

Teresa gave a reluctant nod. "Yes, but," she paused, "you will make sure he is happy and comfortable, and feed him if he is hungry?"

"Yes, I promise. He'll get whatever he wishes for."

Call glanced at her, his expression saying he was grateful, he already knew his presence was not fully welcome in the house and he did not wish to cause any more problems. "Sounds good to me" he said cheerily.

Ella turned to Maria. "You go on, I'll be fine" she said, seeing the concern in her friend's face.

Maria gave a curt nod before embracing her. "Hide if he comes" she whispered into Ella's ear and Ella nodded.

---

Ella saw Maria and the children out of the door before turning her attention back to Captain Call who still lay in the bed.

"How are you feelin'?" she asked, not really wanting to strike up any conversation with the man, but also knowing she had no choice in the matter.

"Not too good" Call replied honestly. "Be a while before I can move much on my own." His voice was a slow drawl as if he was sandwiched between being bored with the world and just plain wise to everything around him.

Ella nodded. "Well, with Tessie looking after you, you'll be well in no time I expect." Ella's tone did nothing to cover the fact that she disliked the friendship between Teresa and the old ranger as much as Maria.

"You don't care for me much do you Miss Stella?"

Ella felt sure he would have used her surname if he had known it; he seemed like the stiff uptight type.

"I guess I don't" Ella said curtly. "But I'll look after you all the same."

"I hear tell you and Joey Garza were together for some time" he continued, unconcerned that he was prying.

"An' where'd you hear that?" Ella asked, not diverting from her chore of stirring a pot of frijoles.

"Tessie" Call said with a certain nod.

Ella rolled her eyes, she knew he was still in a lot of pain but disliked his solution for taking his mind off the fact, for someone who was so weak he could hardly move he seemed to have no issues using his voice when he wished. She remained silent.

"I guess that's a good a reason as any for not caring for me much."

Ella turned to face him. "You know I'm with Doc" she said sternly. "Joey and me, well we ain't together… it was a mistake, one I don't plan on repeatin'… I was a fool an' I don't need remindin' of that fact!"

Call gave a small nod. "Mistakes, we all make them" he said sadly, his eyes glazing over.

"I guess we do." Ella said having nothing else to say to him.

"Are you goin' away with Doc?" he asked after a few moments of silence had passed between them.

"Yes," she said, becoming more annoyed by the ranger, "far away from here."

Call nodded again. "Well, I hope you ain't runnin', I done a lot of that in my life, it always catches up to you."

Ella suddenly felt sick, his words seemed to have wounded her deeply and for a moment she couldn't understand why. Then her mind began to unfold the meaning and her gut recoiled. She was afraid of leaving here, what if nothing changed? What if she couldn't stop her feelings for Joey? He had already done so much to her and yet that little flickering flame would never go out no matter how much she willed it to, no matter how good a life she knew she could have without it. She focused upon the food as she stirred it with the wooden spoon. She had to hold onto the hope that it would all change, that she could change. It felt like Joey had become part of her, her darker half, and she was afraid to walk away without him now. He'd given her meaning in a strange way, given her an excuse to act free and impulsive and if she felt she would have to leave that behind… could she really do it? Or would he forever cloud her mind and judgment?

Suddenly Call jerked his head towards her. "Hide!" he commanded.

Ella's eyes widened and for a moment she stood motionless as if struck dumb and as Call again told her to hide she obeyed and with a few quick steps she had concealed herself under the bed, taking a blanket with her for further cover. She bunched the material before her, to make it seem has if it had been carelessly kicked underneath in the morning hurry.

It was only a few seconds later that the door flew back on its hinges with a crash, she tentatively glanced around the blanket and saw Joey entering the doorway. His steps were uneven, his body hunched and he stumbled a few times, using the doorway as a crutch to keep himself upon his feet. He quickly seemed to regain himself and walked into the house with those familiar certain steps, his footfalls accompanied by the soft clink of spurs. He reached out, his hand seeking the support of a nearby wooden post, he leaned his shoulder against it catching his breath. His clothes were covered in dust and blood, his hair was a disheveled mess that covered part of his face and a crimson streak of blood was apparent at the side of his mouth, he appeared to be breathing hard through his nose as if biting back a great deal of pain. He looked up, his eyes seeing Call fully.

"You're not dead yet, old man?" he asked, his voice mocking and full of contempt.

Call looked at the young killer with true hatred and Joey happily returned the same look. Call weakly reached out his hand, fumbling for his pistol which lay only a few feet away still in its holster, slung over the back of a chair. He gave a small gasp of pain from the effort of stretching. His hand was mere inches away from grasping it. Joey moved quickly forward, again a harsh breath was released as if the movement had been hard. He grasped the pistol, tugging it out of its holster without much care, he cocked it, the cracking sound echoing around the small room and without flinching he aimed. His eyes were set and Call drew back his hand, his eyes widening as he stared down the barrel and then focused upon the young killer's face. His blue eyes were full of dark malice and at the same time they were empty. In all his long years as a Texas Ranger, Call had never seen anything like it in a man's eyes and the sight stilled him.

Joey slowly opened his mouth, but it seemed to take a moment for the words to finally be spoken. "I could kill you" he said slowly, his voice bearing not only pain but deep anger. "With your own gun." He again took in a breath through his nose. Joey's finger curled around the trigger, his blood stained hands gripping the gun butt tightly. Finally he released the hammer slowly, bringing the gun's aim away from Call, his expression taking on a look of cool triumph. He shook his head, his eyes now bearing ruthless contempt. "But that would be doing you a favor."

Call swallowed hard, knowing that the young train bandit was right… with the injuries he now had it would mean he could no longer do what he had done for most of his life, the only thing he knew how to do… now he was lost and he would gladly have welcomed death…

Joey narrowed his eyes at him, this Texas Ranger, this great man, meant nothing… he was nothing.

Joey did not say another word, he turned, taking Call's pistol with him and began to walk out of the house. His feet were more unsteady than they had been when he had entered and he collided harshly with the door frame, the result causing him to grunt in pain and effort. He pushed himself away and began to walk down the path in uncertain steps that made his body weave. He let the gun he was carrying fall carelessly to the ground, the action almost making him lose his footing and then he continued down the path.


	56. Chapter 56

Ella emerged cautiously from her hiding place. Call was already struggling, trying to reach his rifle and pull himself out of bed. She dashed forward, her heart fluttering in panic that _he_ was here and what _he_ would do… and he was hurt. She glanced around her, the minutes ticking by as Call grunted with effort and she lost her wits.

Ella finally turned to Call, her mind frantic. "What should I do?"

"Find Maria and the children!" Call said through gritted teeth. "He's come to do harm."

Ella nodded and without hesitation she bolted out the door, her steps faltered and she turned quickly back, she bent, her hands enclosing around the pistol Joey had discarded. She clutched the heavy object in her hand and, picking up her skirts, she ran in the direction she knew Maria had taken. Her steps were desperate but she got to her destination within good time. She could see Maria holding a newly born baby and smiling at Jorge with kindness, her hands and skirts were splattered with blood. Ella found that her panting breath choked the words she wished to call out.

"He is a good boy, Jorge. I like the way he wiggles. He will give you much trouble when he learns to walk" Maria said, cooing over the babe before her attention was caught by Ella running towards them.

She pushed the child into his father's arms. "But how do I hold him?" he asked, his face falling with fear as the baby wriggled within his arms.

"Take him to the old sisters" Maria replied, her full attention upon Ella.

"Maria" Ella gasped, her throat hurting from her dash.

"What has happened?" Maria's eyes already fully told that she knew what the answer would be.

"Joey, he's here" Ella said, taking in gulps of air.

Maria's eyes flew to the side of the house; she rushed up to it, her hands running across a cowbell that hung from a branch of shrub.

"Where are Teresa and Rafael?" Ella asked, her gaze searching.

"I left them out here with a cowbell…" She paused, her voice strange and distant. She turned back to Jorge who still stood nearby holding the baby. "Did you see Joey?" Maria cried.

"No" he said simply.

Maria again turned on her heel and ran out into the street. Ella followed, her pace slower than her friend's, her energy half spent already.

Maria had caught sight of Gordo, butchering in his shed nearby and she quickly hurried over to him.

"Gordo, did you see Joey?" she asked, her voice pleading.

"Maria" he laughed, showing no interest in Maria's distress. "You are bloodier than me, and I've just butchered a pig."

"I know!" she said impatiently. "But did you see Joey?!"

"No, Joey has not been here" he said, a little disappointed that Maria did not want to stay and talk to him.

"He was here, and he's taken my children! He wants to kill them! He has taken my children!" Her shouts were frantic as she again set off at a run, her destination upon her home. Ella followed close behind. "Joey!" Maria's desperate voice echoed through the village.

They reached the house and saw Captain Call lying upon the ground outside the doorway, a chair he had tried to use as a crutch was nearby. His weak body had not allowed him to get far and he was bleeding anew.

"What has happened?" Maria asked, grabbing a knife from inside. "Did he come?"

Call was breathing hard, his look remorseful. "He came. I'm... I couldn't do anything" he said sadly. "I couldn't do anything" he repeated.

"What did he say, Senor? Did he say anything?"

Ella had now fully caught up to her friend and stood beside her, feeling useless.

"No, nothin' of use. He came in, looked at me, and left. He was badly wounded" Call said, knowing his words were of no help.

"Not wounded enough" Maria lamented.

Ella's mind whirled, where could he be? "The cantina!" she blurted and she and Maria again began to run.

They burst into the small saloon, inside sat three vaqueros busying themselves with getting drunk. They glanced up, their eyes taking in Ella with a lustful air before they focused their gaze upon Maria and snarled in disgust at the after effects of childbirth left upon her.

"Have you seen my son, Joey?"

"No, go wash yourself!" One of them gruffly barked causing the others to laugh coarsely.

Ella felt her blood boil at these men and their disrespectful words, didn't they understand this was a serious situation, lives counted on them and all they could do was sneer at her friend. Ella was in no mood to deal with drunken vaqueros. She leveled the gun she was holding at them, her presence suddenly becoming threatening. The men's laughter and drunken revels became silent, their sneers and smugness disappearing. Maria grabbed hold of Ella's arm and pulled.

"We don't have time for this" she said desperately.

Ella gave a stern nod and without glancing back at the three startled men she followed her friend out into the sunlight. Maria stopped in the middle of the street, her thoughts on the brink of bottomless despair, where were her children? Where had he taken them and what would he do?

Ella's ears pricked at the sound of water splashing, a gargled scream and sounds of distress. "Maria" she said in a whisper, her hand coming out to clutch at her friends shoulder. "Listen!"

Both their eyes were drawn towards the river, and there in the distance were Joey and Teresa… he was pushing her forcefully under the water. They rushed forward and as they neared the bank they saw Joey now had Rafael and was trying to beat the young boy down, Rafael already bore a large cut to his head and he bleated like a frightened sheep.

"Stop it!" Maria cried. "Stop!"

But Joey did not pay her any mind; it was as though he was oblivious to everything but his current murderous task.

"Joey!" Maria screeched as Joey gave up on his brother and once again turned his attention back to his younger sister. Teresa fought back valiantly, her hands flying and hitting their mark, but Joey didn't even seem to notice the blows and he pushed her again under the water, holding her there as she struggled and tried to gain a breath of air. Rafael began pulling at his brother's jacket, trying to help his sister. Joey lashed out harshly, knocking the boy back with a hard blow but the disruption was enough for Teresa to push herself out of the water and take in a lungful of air.

Ella pointed the gun upwards and fired into the air, hoping the loud noise would distract him for a moment. The gunshot was enough to make most flinch but it was as if Joey hadn't even heard the sound and he once again pushed Teresa's head under water.

"Let her go! Who are you, to be killing your own sister?!" Maria screamed, beginning to wade into the cold water.

Joey turned to her, giving his mother a cold and callous look, he now had Teresa positioned between his legs, easily able to keep her under water for as long as he wished. Maria finally reached him and pulled hard, making him release his grip upon his sister and once again she could gasp much needed air.

Ella's heart was within her throat, her mind couldn't decide on the best course of action and she dithered as Maria began to pull her son away from his siblings. Ella's mind finally clicked into place, deciding upon how she could be useful and she ran up the river to a place that she could easily cross and then ran back down to where Maria and her children were. She reached out her hand for Rafael who was slowly making his way towards the bank. His eyes bore a dazed look and Ella hoped the blow to his head had not been serious. Rafael grasped her outstretched palm and she pulled him onto dry ground, he lay there panting as Ella turned her attention to Teresa who was now frantically wading aimlessly through the water, unsure which way the bank was.

"This way Tessie!" she called out, her tone high and panicked. The young girl quickly changed her course towards the voice she knew so well.

Maria now had a good grip on Joey and spun him roughly around to face her. "Joey!" she shrieked, demanding his attention, shaking him violently before almost cradling his head in her hands as one would a babe. "Stop this! Joey you are hurt! Listen to me, come with me, come home" she pleaded. "You're hurt! I'll clean your wounds. I'll hide you until you are well and safe."

Mother and son stared at each other. Joey's expression was almost childlike as his mother spoke, his eyes staring at her with an unreadable meaning behind their gaze. He allowed her to lead him a few steps towards the bank. Then a change came over his features, twisting them into something pained and tormented, a snarl formed upon his lips as if he was truly disgusted. He grabbed hold of her arm, "Go wash yourself, you whore!" he cried. All pretence of coolness was gone from his tone, what erupted from him was pure raw emotion, wretched suffering in its bleakest, barest form. He wrenched her hands from him, pushing her violently away as he turned once again, his thoughts upon Teresa who was still trying to reach the bank and Ella's outstretched hand. He grabbed his sister about her waist as she again began to struggle against him.

"No!" Ella screamed.

Maria was upon him in a second as Ella called out in distress from the bank, she'd been so sure for a moment that Maria's words had calmed him and now the situation seemed to be unsalvageable, Joey's expression was pure, brutal hatred, he was lost.

Maria pulled at her son, her hands still wrapped tightly about the butcher's knife and in a fit of desperation she drove the blade into his shoulder. It was no more than a shallow stroke, the action only meant to deter him, to make him stop.

The new agony burned through Joey and he let out a small sound of pain, the sensation setting all the other wounds upon his back on fire and for a small moment the strength he had achieved when he had kidnapped Rafael and Teresa wavered, but through sheer anger-fueled will he managed to keep on his feet. He again reached out, trying to grasp at Teresa who was slowly escaping from his reach. Again Maria lashed out; slicing into his forearm and Joey gave a hiss of pain. As his hands closed about his sister's waist, another blow came to his shoulder, slicing through already damaged flesh and an icy blue fire of anger shot up his body, all his resent was forced upwards, making him feel as if he would vomit. He turned upon his mother. With lightning speed he had pulled out his dagger. Ella saw the movement and quickly rushed into the water, the pistol she held now aimed directly at Joey, she hesitated, her resolve wavering… he couldn't… he just wouldn't… she couldn't…

He drove the blade into his mother's shoulder with a sickening sound that reminded Ella all too vividly of a fresh side of beef on the butcher's block. Joey pulled back, his face set in remorseless wrath as he prepared another assault. Ella cursed herself for not reacting sooner and, closing her eyes, she squeezed the trigger. The gun gave a harsh kick back as the bullet left the chamber and slammed into its destination, Ella recoiled from the sensation before allowing her gaze to focus once again. Joey reeled from the impact, his actions halted. Maria fell backwards into the water as Joey stumbled a few steps before searching for his attacker with a dazed expression. His cool blue eyes fell upon Ella and studied her for a long moment, his gaze flickering with surprise as she allowed the heavy, still smoking, weapon to come to a rest by her side. Ella's attention was no longer upon him; she rushed down into the water towards Maria. Her hands clutched at her friend's arms and she began to pull her back towards the bank, Ella heaved with all her might until Maria could gain a good grip and keep herself from falling back into the water.

"You hurt?" Ella's voice and movements were tinged with panic as she tried to check Maria's wound. "Let me see if it's bad."

Maria placed a hand over Ella's, halting her friend's clumsy, well-intended actions. "I am fine, it is not bad." Maria breathed, clenching her teeth at the pain.

Finally, Ella couldn't ignore the unnerving feeling of being watched and she glanced over to where Joey still stood in the water. He continued to stare at her with blank eyes, he had lowered his knife and it hung limply in his hand, his look defeated, the anger washed away as his gaze moved to his wounded mother.

"Joey!" Maria whispered urgently, clutching at Ella's arm frantically. "Joey, make him leave… everyone will come and they will kill him." She pleaded desperately, "I do not want them to kill my son!"

Ella stared down at her friend. "Maria… I…" Her thoughts swam, how could it be that Maria still thought of Joey as someone to be aided? "I… I…" Ella stuttered, unsure how to begin the words she wanted to speak.

"Please Ella, he is my son" Maria pleaded.

Ella again looked at Joey and feeling she had no choice and that the situation had cooled some now that both his siblings were out of reach she reluctantly left her friend and the two children on the bank and waded into the icy river. Her skirts floated around her as she walked toward him, the gun still hanging loosely in her hand, her mind ready and willing to use it against him. As she drew closer she could see that the wound she had inflicted had not been mortal, it had torn a good chunk of flesh out of his upper arm and it bleed freely but she had not killed him, the knowledge strangely comforted her. His eyes never left her form as she came level to him. Ella had the presence of mind to leave enough space between them in case she needed to get away quickly, she wouldn't take any chances in this moment.

They stared at each other for what felt to Ella like an eon. Finally, knowing he was not going to speak, she found her own voice.

"Joey." It came out as no more than a whisper. His eyes leadenly met hers. "You have to go" she said slowly, hoping that her words were getting through, the man before her look dazed as if he had lost his very wits. "You can't stay." As he continued to stare at her, his expression lost and uncertain, she found her heart ached a little for him despite her own feelings of what he had just done and what he had done in the past to her. He had finally fully proven to her there was nothing good in him, he was a used up husk, devoured by his own anger until only the remnants of a person were left, sometimes it was easy to mistake those flashes for a real human being, for warmth… even for love… but Joey had been right all along… there was nothing.

She took a step towards him, her heart pitying the strange creature before her. "Go to Mexico City" she said in a tender voice, she waited patiently for any acknowledgement but he continued to stare at her with those blank blue eyes. "Do you hear me?" she asked finally.

His eyes finally grew a small dim light of understanding and once again they met her own. "You got out of my cave" he said simply, his voice soft, almost admiring. He seemed to be unaware or unconcerned that the wound on his shoulder still bled profusely, covering his arm and hand in sticky blood.

Ella nodded. "You have to go" she continued gently and again he stared at her as if he couldn't quite grasp her words. "It's time to leave Joey." She offered him a weak smile.

"Throw up your hands!" The voice suddenly caught everyone off guard and Ella's eyes jerked to the place it had come from.

"Doc!" Ella cried in surprise.

"I had a strange feelin' where my toes used to be so I headed on back" he joked sternly, his rifle aimed squarely at Joey. "Guess it's a good thing I did."


	57. Chapter 57

"Doc?" Ella repeated in clear disbelief.

"Is Maria hurt bad?" Doc asked, not taking his eyes or gun from Joey.

"I don't know, I don't think so… she was stabbed in the shoulder" Ella babbled, stunned by the sudden turn of events.

Doc gave a firm nod. "Go over an' check" Doc asked calmly, his voice betraying that he knew Maria was not in any danger.

Ella glanced back at her friend who was now being comforted by Teresa and Rafael. She had given Maria her word that she would make Joey leave, that she would not allow him to be shot… she suddenly felt sick because of that rash promise. Part of her wished that Joey could be killed right here and now, end all the suffering and erase the dark part of herself she so despised with his death. But she knew better than many that death never made those regrets and memories ease. She would still be plagued by thoughts that would keep her tossing and turning on sleepless nights, thoughts of her past, her mistakes… and she could not allow herself to play any part in taking his life. Whether what she had truly felt for Joey had been love would forever be debated within herself. Perhaps it had been the need to show herself that a bitter, painful past did not mean she was tainted forever, that she could never change. If underneath all the coldness that was Joey Garza was a heart, warmth and love, then surely she could say the same thing of herself. Or perhaps she knew Joey had nothing to offer but pain and misery and it was all she felt she deserved. Still, she could speculate all day, she knew she would never fully know the true answer, the closest thing she could akin it to was love. Despite all this Ella knew she could not sway from the promise she had made to Maria and, reinforced by her own thoughts, she moved her position and stood her ground in front of Joey. She knew Doc's mind in this matter too well, get her away to safety and shoot Joey… she couldn't allow it for Maria and herself.

"Move aside Ella, this boy's a wanted train bandit an' murder an' I gotta do my duty" Doc said, his stern voice not wavering.

Ella glanced from one man to the other before finally she shook her head. "Doc, you can't just shoot him."

"Ella, move" Doc repeated. "He's shot up Captain Call, killed Brookshire, nearly killed me, you… an' his own Mother" Doc continued darkly.

"It'll kill his Ma if you shoot him." Ella's voice was quiet and honest. "Just… just let him go south, deep into Mexico."

"I can't do that, he'll come slinkin' back like a bad dream… move aside." Doc's eyes were constantly searching for a gap he could shoot through without hurting Ella. His jaw was set, turning slowly into anger. "I can't let him go after all he's done, he's done too much harm… he has to face justice and punishment." Ella furrowed her brow, Doc wasn't acting like his usual calm self; he was angry, hurt and wounded.

She shook her head once more. "I can't let you." Ella turned back to Joey. "Go south, do you hear me?" Her voice was becoming high and strained as the two men she cared deeply about stood in a strange, cold, one sided stand-off.

Joey gave a slow nod at her words but his eyes still held no firm understanding, the old Joey flickered somewhere in that gaze, lost from his grasp for a moment but Ella could see him searching, seeking that part of himself he needed.

She turned her attention to Doc. "He's goin' to go" she said as steadily as she could. "Let's just tend t' Maria an' the children."

"Ella girl, do as I say!" Doc roared, losing his temper at the stubborn woman before him and the current situation. "He's a killer! Don't you understand! He deserves t' die fer all he's done!"

Ella took a few paces towards the bank where Doc stood, still blocking his aim with her own body. "That may be true, but it ain't right to be his judge and executioner out here like this." She paused, seeing Doc's stony expression waver. "Please Doc, do this for me" she pleaded. "I don't want you t' kill him, don't you see?"

Doc frowned, stating with this expression he did not.

"If you kill him he's always gonna be part of us, I just want t' leave, I don't want any more bad memories or guilt attached to his name." She glanced back at Joey who seemed to have only just become aware that he was bleeding; he studied the blood upon his hand with child-like wonder. "Look at him," she said in a hoarse whisper, "there ain't nothing left t' kill, he's already livin' his own hell."

Doc studied the young boy. He was handsome, his features striking. Doc felt sure that he could have made it through his life on looks alone… but it meant nothing to Joey Garza. Doc had seen many bandits and outlaws come and go in his time but never before had he looked at another human being and seen… nothing, just anger and emptiness. Doc could finally see what Ella was trying desperately to show him. The boy was already punishing himself, he hated everyone around him as much as he hated himself, his anger was as much inwardly directed as it was at others. If Doc shot him now it would be a kindness and perhaps it would be best to put the young boy out of his misery… but he suddenly found he couldn't, Joey Garza had a right to live out the personal hell he had ordained himself and Doc had no right in this moment to take away his destiny, his punishment was worse than any bullet or hang man's rope… If Joey truly left and terrorized southern Mexico he would slowly play out his own plan and die at the hands of someone just as twisted as he was himself and true justice would be served, he wanted no part in bringing this strange emotionless man to his grave… Doc slowly lowered his weapon.

"He best go now, a mob will form soon… I doubt they'll let him go if they find him." Doc relented, now understanding that not only Ella but Maria too would never forgive him for pulling the trigger in this moment.

Ella turned back to Joey. "Leave" she breathed, knowing these could be the last words she spoke to him. "Go far and don't come back." She was caught a moment by his eyes, eyes that now bore that rare, strange flicker of emotion that had so often fooled her in the past. Perhaps under it all Joey did have feelings, wants… love… but it didn't matter even if he did as Joey would push them back down, ignoring them and dismissing them as only annoyances.

Doc's attention had been caught by Maria and he quickly made his way over to the other side of the bank as Ella turned her back on Joey and began to wade towards her friend, her mind now fully upon how serious the stab wound was. Maria seemed to be in good spirits, Teresa had stemmed the blood flow and Doc was already asking her questions to obtain any information as how to best treat it.

"Ella."

The sound of her name reached her ears as slowly as if it had been a light breeze, more a sigh than a true spoken word. Slowly she turned, releasing her skirts so they once again floated about her. She stared at Joey for a long moment, had he really spoken her name? She was suddenly shocked by the thought that she couldn't remember him ever using her name. She swallowed hard, was this the first time?

She took an involuntary step forward and then pulled her senses together, her mind told her to turn and walk to the bank, to the people whose warmth she wanted to be surrounded with.

"Ella."

She saw his lips form the word, her name… and stared at him in fascination before regaining herself.

"Yes?" she asked, as calmly as she could manage, wishing that he would just go, her heart tugged painfully at the sight of him, of knowing they could never have had each other, that it had all been for naught.

"How did you get out of my cave?" he asked, as casually as if they were sat eating dinner at the table, but his voice was weak.

"It doesn't matter" Ella said simply. "You have to go, get a horse and go."

Joey shook his head slowly, his body swaying as his face seemed to take on an ashen pallor. "I cannot" he managed. He gave a hissed breath as the pain of his wounds racked through his body, he felt suddenly dizzy and his legs warned him that they would soon be unable to support his weight. Again he swayed and expected this time to feel the icy cool clutch of the river around him, he expected no one would stop his body drifting down river; he had no one left to care what became of him. But instead of the icy water he felt soft hands upon his shoulders, roughly pulling him to his feet. He gave a small, low cry of pain as the warm palms brushed his wounds. He managed to stay upon his feet and slowly he opened his eyes and looked down into the face of the person who had helped him.

Ella's worried expression swam into his blurred sight as her gaze flicked to each of his eyes, he could still feel her hands pressing against him and the touch was comforting and tender. He felt suddenly tired and wanted to sleep with her by his side, snug and warm in the bed at her old house. When he woke up he could think and if he could think he could make her stay.

Ella's large brown eyes looked back into his gaze, her brow slightly furrowed in concern. She moved him forward gently, her eyes taking in the many bullet wounds upon his back and her dark eyes widened.

"Joey." She managed nothing but his name as the shock rippled through her.

The sound of her soft voice drew his mind away from sleep and forced him to focus upon the current situation. Carefully she reached up and brushed the wet strands of hair from his face, her palm resting against his cheek affectionately, unable to stop herself in this moment.

"Your wounds are bad" she said, her voice wavering with emotion. "You need to find help quickly." Ella couldn't help her eyes filling with tears.

Joey gave a weak try at a smile. "No hay ayuda, no para mí."

Ella didn't have to understand his words, his meaning was clear, there would be no help, his back was a festering mass of shotgun pellets, infection had already set in and his blood was most likely already poisoned… she had known this from the moment she'd seen his wounds. She sniffed loudly and let her hands run over his cheeks. "Maybe you should come back to your Ma's" she said quietly, knowing nothing could be done, she could at the very least offer him somewhere comfortable, be with him at the end... she could give him that much.

She gave a startled gasp as his hand moved quickly, his palm connecting gently with her cheek, pressing softly as he studied her intently, his blue eyes shining.

"Quiero que te quedes con migo." His speech was slurred. "Eso no importa ahora." He glanced away towards where his mother still lay, his eyes unseeing the small group of men that were picking her carefully up and ferrying her away, back to her home.

"Joey?" Ella whispered, worried that perhaps his mind was too far gone with the pain. "I don't understand." Despite this fact she felt something strange and warm within his words.

"Nada" Joey said simply, his calm mask slipping back over his expression a little.

"You need t' rest" Ella said, suddenly feeling a great wave of pity.

Joey shook his head and raised his cool eyes to hers once more. He studied her face for a long time, his palm hovering a few inches from her cheek as if he couldn't quite decide if he wanted to touch her.

"You said you loved me once" he said lowly, his voice no more than a hoarse whisper.

Ella gave a slow nod, not quite understanding what his statement meant. "I think I did… I don't know why" she replied calmly. "But… I did love you, I wanted us to be together, t' work… but it couldn't have worked, we're too much alike in some respects and too different in others ,and besides…" She gave a small sigh. "I can't forgive you this time, not after this" she said finally, allowing her eyes to fully connect with his, a small reassuring smile on her lips, a smile that spoke of the good memories that lay between them. "We need to go inside, see to your Ma." Ella abruptly changed the subject, quietly hoping that the conversation would soon be over, she had no desire to stand in the cold river any longer and even less to look at him, to see him in ruins. She gave him an uncertain look, waiting for him to say more but he remained still and silent.

Slowly Ella turned and looked back towards the bank. Doc's form and face greeted her sight; he'd been standing guard throughout her conversation with Joey. Ella smiled broadly at him, he was wearing the expression that he so often wore when he was concerned and in deep thought - his brow wrinkled in many lines and his mouth turned down slightly at the edges. She gave a silent inward laugh of relief, it was done…

Doc suddenly rose to his feet his hand taking up his rifle once more, he cocked the gun and aimed…

"Ella!" Doc's voice bore warning.

Ella's thoughts flew wildly, it was over, it was all meant to be over! Her mouth opened in shock as her body moved quicker than her mind could comprehend. She took a few rushed splashes forward, her instinct to get out of the out of whatever danger Doc was warning her of, but the water made movement hard. The moments felt painfully slow, like the speed of normal life had somehow begun to lag behind in pace, although only tiny seconds passed, but her mind still worked, knowing it was all far too sluggish. Her frightened breaths were harsh and ragged and the sounds around her rushed loud and unforgiving in her ears as a strong arm jerked her backwards pulling her close. At some point during this a loud crack of gunfire echoed. She heard her name being shouted, screamed but she could not look away as her eyes connected with cruel pools of icy blue that burned into her. She gave out a startled breath at his closeness before he pressed their bodies together; she sensed his arm move back, his muscles tensing. Before she could gain her senses a strange sensation flew through her, painful and quick, making her body sway and her lips part in a silent cry of agony. She felt Joey's body jolt unpleasantly too, just a moment before she felt the sensation. His arm still bore momentum and continued to move, an icy cold sensation burst through her skin, bringing out gooseflesh bumps across her flesh and causing all the fine hairs of her body to stand on end. She thought a scream erupted from her throat but she couldn't be sure, it all seemed so unreal with those blue eyes staring into her very soul. It had taken only seconds…

"ELLA!" The sound of her name being screamed reached her ears but it seemed so distant. More despairing shouts followed but her mind had tuned them out.

She stared up at Joey, frowning in confusion as her mind grappled with what had just happened.

She suddenly took in a lungful or air, had she been holding her breath? Her body screamed with agony. She gritted her teeth against it as the wave seemed to pass. She glanced down, her mind finally able to pinpoint the source of the pain as her eyes beheld the silver shining dagger in Joey's hand. Half of the blade was buried within her stomach. Slowly she glanced up, her eyes filling with tears of pain, her mouth opened but words were not forthcoming, she gave a spluttered breath and the iron taste of blood filled her mouth.

"Yo nunca puedo estar sin usted" Joey whispered, as blood trickled from his mouth.

Ella gave a strangled scream as Joey lost his fight with the pain and fell backwards; taking the dagger that had been buried in her flesh with him. His body splashed unceremoniously into the cold water. Letting out a desperate collection of breaths Ella instinctively covered the bleeding wound with her hand and slowly she turned to Doc. He was already rushing towards her, his face pained, and as he drew nearer she heard him crying out wordless sounds in anguish. Finally he reached her. Ella had expected him to begin to study the knife wound but his hands and eyes were upon her chest. She furrowed her brow at him and slowly looked down. Her bodice had a small hole in it. No, it wasn't small; it was tiny compared to the knife wound. She suddenly felt annoyed and gripped at his arm with one of her bloody hands. But he paid her no heed, his look and actions distraught as his hands now covered the small tear in her bodice. Finally she chanced a look down again and studied as best she could the knife wound. It hurt but she became aware that it was to the side, slicing through flesh, it was not mortal…

She stared up at Doc, her body swaying and her eyes questioning as Doc still tended that small tear, now ripping at her clothing. Finally she saw what he so feared. A small neat hole bled profusely on her right side, just above her breast. She gave a gasp of fear at the tiny mark.

Before she had any chance to regain herself Doc was picking her up in his arms and wading towards the bank. She glanced back over the water. Joey was floating in the river, his face upturned to the sky and his chest stained red with a large bullet wound…


	58. Chapter 58

The pain in Ella's chest seemed to grow with every heavy step Doc took. She gritted her teeth against it as it grew, blooming like a strange flower within her breast and her blouse and corset became soaked with blood, aided by the fact her clothing was already wet.

"Put me down!" she finally cried, feeling she could not bear it a second longer.

Doc obeyed as soon as he was out of the water and laid her on dry ground. Ella became acutely aware that she couldn't really feel the many large rocks and small pebbles lying beneath her; perhaps the water had numbed her skin too much. She wondered what would happen now… was the bullet wound bad… if she closed her eyes and gave in to the sudden urge to sleep that now nestled at the back of her mind would she ever wake up…?

She tried to think, to understand what had happened. Joey had run after her, she'd heard a crack of gunfire as he grabbed hold of her and spun her away from the bank, putting himself between Doc and her. Joey had pulled her close, she'd smelt a distasteful stale odor of decay upon him, of infection, and also the familiar scent that was his alone that had still clung to his jacket, his hair. One of his arms had pulled her close and then the biting pain had plunged through her and then again as Joey had stabbed her, his aim had been put off by the bullet that tore through his back and burst from his chest, entering her own. His strike would have been fatal if it hadn't been for Doc… but he'd fired too late, not having the reflexes to counter Joey's quick movements and not anticipating that Joey would cling to Ella…. But Doc had shot her all the same. If the pain hadn't been so great she would have groaned with displeasure at the circumstances.

Doc quickly removed his jacket and wrapped it around her as her teeth began to chatter from the combination of the cold water that had soaked her through, the chill biting wind and the shock. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to regain control back of her body and use her voice.

"Is it bad?" she finally managed, her lips still trembling.

Doc pulled her make-shift blanket down a little and again studied the small wound on her chest. He shook his head. "I can't tell" he said truthfully through gritted teeth, his eyes pained.

"It feels bad" she said, trying once more to control her shivering.

"Ella." Doc's voice was etched in forced calmness. "Look at me."

Ella obeyed and Doc studied her briefly. "What kind of pain do you feel?" Ella could tell it was taking all of his strength to keep his composure and not give in to thinking upon the events that had just taken place, events he had been part of…

Ella focused her attention upon the pain, closing her eyes for a moment as she concentrated. She took in a breath and the pain hit her in a wave, feeling like hundreds of little needles prickling within her chest. She re-opened her eyes and looked up into Doc's face.

"It hurts when I breathe" she said, realizing that her voice sounded strangled and whispery.

"I need to get you inside" Doc said, his panicked tone starting to break through once more. "I need to get that bullet out."

Ella took in an involuntary deep breath at the words, she knew any digging for bullets was going to hurt and she was scared. Her eyes were drawn back towards the river, her mind not wanting to dwell upon what would soon happen. Many people seemed to have suddenly gathered around the bank. Her attention was caught by the drunken vaqueros she had threatened in the cantina, Gordo and many other familiar faces from the village. They were not at the bank for her, their concern lay with the body floating in the water.

A great cry went up that seemed to echo around the small village. "Le cuelgan! Cuelgue el asesino!"

This statement was met with harsh cries of agreement. "El asesino no está muerta! Cuelgue el diablo!"

Ella gave a small cough; the taste of blood was strong upon her tongue, the sensation made her feel slightly sick and suddenly dazed and fuzzy. She shook herself inwardly, regaining her mind and thoughts back from the morbid imaginings that lay waiting in the corners of her mind.

"What's happenin'?" she managed, swallowing back the blood. "What are they doin'?" She paused again. "Is he dead?"

Doc hesitated before turning. He saw that the villagers were wading into the water towards Joey, who still breathed, albeit barely.

Doc turned back to Ella. "No, he ain't dead, he's as good as." His words were bitter sounding.

Gordo, the fat butcher was the first to reach Joey.

"You rascal!" he cried, full of emotion and anger, grabbing one of Joey's arms and beginning to pull him with rough jerks out of the water. "You killed Maria! I wanted to marry her!"

Ella grabbed onto Doc's arm. "Maria!" She glanced at Doc her eyes pooling with tears. "Help me up!" she demanded.

"Ella, Maria is in the house, she's okay. I'll take you there."

Ella shook her head, unsure what it exactly was she wanted, but the mention of her friend's name and of hearing Joey was still alive sent a wave of power pumping through her veins. It made her feel suddenly stronger and the pain lessen; although it still throbbed harshly she no longer thought it to be of great importance, if it had eased a little surely it meant it was not as bad as she first thought. Finally Doc relented to her vain struggles to move and he helped her sit up. She watched on as Gordo continued to violently pull Joey out of the water by his arms, dragging the young outlaw up onto the hard stone bank.

"What are they doing?" she whispered. Her own pains seemed suddenly numbed as she watched the villagers crowd around a barely conscious Joey, who only gave low groans of protest as the blood ebbed out of his fresh wounds and the destruction the passage of the bullet had caused to his insides slowly worked the final death knell upon him.

Ella saw one of the vaqueros running towards them, a heavy rope in his hands. He wasted no time in wrapping it around a nearby house beam and trying one end into a make-shift noose. Ella felt the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. Again she clutched at Doc. "Help me up."

Doc hesitated.

"Help me up!" she demanded, and Doc pulled her to her feet. She winced as her muscles were forced to work once again.

"Ella." Doc had grabbed hold of her, his pale blue eyes finding her gaze, pleading with her to listen. "I don't know how bad that wound is, please let me tend t' it."

"I feel okay" Ella half lied. She didn't feel herself and yet she felt she could move if she needed to.

"Gordo!" She finally forced the word out but her voice wasn't loud enough over the din of chatter and shouting. Ella pushed herself away from Doc and took a few stumbled steps forward.

"Ella please!" Doc cried again, not wanting to force her to do his bidding, but the situation was becoming desperate. "Leave him be, let them do what they want, he was done for anyway!"

Ella scrambled at the crowd, half pushing, half falling against people to create a path through. Finally she gained enough space to force herself into the thick. Gordo was once again trying to grab Joey's arms and pull him along the rough ground. Joey frowned in displeasure, his face wet from water or sweat, and he vainly tried to fight off the people around him, his last attempt at trying to save himself. Ella flew forward, her steps feeling staggered and unsure. She pushed as harshly as she could against Gordo and stumbled, falling leadenly on to her knees beside Joey.

"Don't touch him!" She pushed the words out with all the strength she had and it came out as a shrill shout, too panicked and high to hold any sway. The crowd stared at her in disbelief - they'd seen what this boy had done to Maria, his own mother and to the girl now trying to protect him, driven a knife into her gut. How could she even begin to think of his welfare in this moment, how could anyone have pity for such a monster of a man… The fascination of the situation caused the mob to be still and allow the young girl the silence she wanted.

Ella grasped Joey's hand in her own, trying to push back the new wave of pain that threatened to engulf her. She wasn't entirely sure why she'd run to him, why she would not allow the men around her to end his life, even though it was already over… all she knew was that she couldn't allow them to further his pain, Maria would despair if she knew Joey had been debased further by a lynch hanging and she couldn't bear to see a dying man, a man that was suffering immensely from his wounds, suffer any more than he now had to. It was enough that he was dying and he knew he had nearly destroyed everything around him… his destination was certain after all was said and done. Even the damned deserved some comfort at the end.

Joey's eyes opened and rolled a little as he tried to regain his sight from a blur of colours. Her face swam into view, the outlines merging into each other and he found he could not focus upon her eyes; they were feathered, blurred and distorted. He was suddenly annoyed that he couldn't her eyes, the colour was etched into his memory but he wanted to see them.

She smiled at him, or at least he thought she had smiled, he couldn't be sure. Joey could feel her hand wrapped tightly about his… but he'd used his dagger on her, had meant to kill her before he himself died… why was she now by his side… she was so close he could feel her breathing.

The strange emotion slowly crept through him… it was a strange feeling to be forgiven… really forgiven for something so terrible, perhaps she was truly a fool… but it didn't matter now, none of it mattered, it was over…

"Joey." She breathed his name and he again fixed his unfocusing gaze upon her, noticing for the first time the fact her blouse seemed to be red and had been ripped, exposing the corset beneath. Weakly he reached out and lightly touched the material, then the skin, his action almost akin to concern, his brow furrowing in confusion. "I'm here" she continued, her tone sounded consoling and warm. Feebly his palm lingered upon her breast, feeling the shallow breaths she took as pain racked through her body, the fast pace of her heart beat repeating it's all too familiar rhythm under his touch.

He felt tired and allowed his hand to fall away from her, his eyes to flutter closed, he wanted to sleep, he wanted the people about him to stop being so noisy and for her to stop talking, her breathless whispers irritated him and yet he found he could not or would not pull his hand away from hers when she sought it, her fingers curling around his own… He felt his lips curve slightly into a smile, no in all truth he wanted her to stay, to talk to him, to be by his side until the end. He thought he felt the warm flutter of soft lips pressing against his, not a full kiss and yet it seemed to have more meaning than any other they had shared. But his mind was so far gone he was unsure if he had imagined it, if it was just his last little fantasy. He took a breath and allowed it to come out as a strange half contented sigh.

Ella suddenly felt Joey's weight being shifted and he was again being dragged away. She clutched onto his hand, refusing for a brief moment to let go, the action resulting in her being dragged a few feet as Gordo and the crowd made their way towards the make-shift noose.

"No!" she managed.

"Usted chica estúpida! Permítale ir!" Gordo shouted, trying to shake her off Joey's hand. "Let go!"

Within a moment Doc was pulling Ella backwards and away from Joey's hand. She opened her mouth to scream but found that only a strange sigh escaped her lips. She watched in speechless horror as they dragged Joey's body across the dusty street, his spurs leaving deep gouges in the soft sandy ground.

Ella breaths were harsh and the pain beat renewed and maddening within her mind, making her feel as if she would lose her senses at any moment.

"They can't do this!" she said, her words nearly swallowed by the cheers being sent up by the crowd. "We have to stop them!" She clutched at Doc. "He's already killed!" He's too hurt." She panted for breath as her legs began to shake beneath her. "He's already killed" she repeated, and let tears pool in her eyes, dispelling them with harsh blinks so they ran down her cheeks.

"We can't stop them Ella; you know lynch justice as well as I do, likely to get ourselves in trouble if we try to stop it!" He shook her gently and made her look at him. "I have to look at the wound, do you hear?" He held her fast with his hands and eyes. "You're what's important, not him!"

Ella shook her head sadly, it was over and Doc was right. Nothing could be done and she was in pain, it seemed to have come back two fold. Her legs suddenly felt like cold water had been poured into them.

"I don't think I can walk" she said softly.

Doc didn't hesitate; he picked her up into his arms and turned, making his way at a quick trot towards Maria's. Ella watched over his shoulder as the noose was placed around Joey's neck and with another great cheer they hoisted his body upwards. Perhaps Joey's life had already departed as his body gave no indication of what was happening to it, it remained still and lifeless as the villagers rejoiced and laughed. Drink was soon being given out in celebration and a dance would soon to be in progress at the celebration of the death of Joey Garza, 'El bandido chico diablo'.


	59. Chapter 59

Ella's thoughts were no longer upon Joey or his fate, she knew he was dead, had been dying since before he had even stepped foot in Ojinaga, it was over. But now the pain in her chest was beginning to grow, spreading through her entire being. Now the excitement of the moment was over, now her mind was back in control she fully regretted not listening to Doc, although only minutes had been lost, minutes sometimes meant a great deal between a situation going down a good path or an ill one…

She could hear Doc's harsh breaths as his pace quickened with each step he took and soon he had broken into a run as he sought the means to treat her, to get her to a place he could finally examine her wound and find out for sure how bad it actually was. Ella felt the bitter taste of remorse at the distress she was causing him but she had no time to allow herself to dwell on it fully.

She closed her eyes as she was harshly jostled in his arms by his rapid movements but she made no attempt to protest, not because she was being brave but because she felt exhausted, as though she hadn't the strength to even voice her discomfort and so she remained silent. But she inwardly prayed that they would soon reach their destination and it would be over. Finally a warm air surrounded her and the creaking of a door being closed behind them made her aware that they were now safety inside Maria's.

Ella opened her eyes and wished that her spirits would lift at the comforting sights and familiar smells but she felt nothing accept the slow, ever present, throbbing pain. Doc laid her carefully down upon a wooden pallet that had a lumpy, straw mattress on top of it. She gave a breathless cry as she was made to change her position and lie flat. To feel as though she could somehow combat it with sheer will she squeezed her eyes tightly shut.

"What has happened?" She heard Maria's voice coming from the bedroom and Teresa appeared at the curtain, her hand clutching a roll of bandages. Her wet clothing removed, she now wore a skirt and blouse of her mother's which were far too big for her slight frame. Doc looked up, only now registering there were other people in the house. Call was upon another pallet nearby, his face pale as he took in the devastation this young train bandit had brought down upon everyone that knew him.

"Ella's hurt" Doc said, not pausing in his task as he began to pull off Ella's blouse and Ella moaned in renewed pain.

"Don't" she protested in a daze, vainly trying to push him away with weak hands, not comprehending that he was trying to help her.

Maria quickly came to stand behind her daughter, her eyes wide and her shoulder bloody but clean and bandaged. For a moment it seemed she was lost for words, a sight that many had never seen before, but finally she found her voice. "How badly is she hurt? What happened?" She asked the two questions in quick succession as Teresa clutched at her mother's hand for comfort.

"I…" Doc closed his eyes, pausing in his task for a brief moment before he clenched his jaw in frustration, knowing he could not allow himself to think upon that matter, not yet, he had to stay focused and not break down. "It doesn't matter, she's been shot… I have to see how bad the wound is and get the damn bullet out." He wiped a hand across his sweat beaded brow, pushing his damp hair from his eyes.

Despite her painful injury Maria sprang into action. She pulled a large pot of steaming water off the fire and put it on a table beside Doc before sending Teresa to fetch more fresh bandages while she lit the only large lamp they had. She aided Doc, who had begun to cut through Ella's corset with his knife, and helped in quickly removing Ella's soaked clothing, knowing that this would only hinder their work and Ella's own comfort. Maria then wrapped Ella carefully in a soft, snug blanket and fetched her smallest, sharpest knife and a wooden bowl.

Doc rolled up his sleeves and washed his hands as best as he could stand in the hot water. He turned to Maria, his expression unsure, nervous. "I can't wait until we fetch a doctor… there ain't time" he whispered, his eye connecting with Maria's, his gaze relating his distress.

Maria gave a small nod and began to carefully and gently wipe at the wound upon Ella's chest. She narrowed her eyes at it, Maria had seen and dealt with many gunshot wounds in her life, many men were brought to her when Gordo the butcher was unavailable to deal with tending to them. Maria's heart sank with a sickening thud at the bullet wound's position. She looked back at Doc, her face grave. "It looks bad, her heart is safe, she is still alive but…" She hesitated, she didn't want to speak her thoughts… perhaps if she kept them to herself it would not be true, but then Maria had never shied from speaking up for fear of what may be and she inwardly shook herself.

"Her lungs… I think it may be a lung shot Doc." She saw Doc's face fall a little, losing some of the determination it had held moments before. "I have seen this before and… it seems as though they will be fine but the blood is already in their lungs…. They do not always recover."

Doc shook his head frantically. "No, it might not have gone into her lungs… it went through Joey first, it may not have gone that deep!" He stuck the knife in the hot water before holding it in the fire, allowing it to heat the blade.

Maria's eyes widened, her son had inevitably been upon her mind since she had been forced back to the house by Gordo who had convinced himself she was mortally wounded, Gordo had also helped Call back onto his bed, all but grudgingly. She had wanted to ask after Joey but when Doc and Ella had come in the questions had been wiped from her mind, Ella being hurt had engulfed her thoughts. Now he had been mentioned, bringing him once more to the forefront of her mind she had to ask…

"Is my son dead?"

Doc glanced at her, his brow furrowing in annoyance. A part of him understood why Maria had to ask but Doc hated the mention of _him_, and wanted to wipe away his very existence.

"Yes!" he said harshly, knowing he would regret his tone when the situation calmed. "I shot him, he was goin' t' hurt Ella!" He paused, his eyes narrowing. "He was goin' t' kill her, stab her in the gut!" He paused as if he didn't want to speak of anything further. "I had no choice, I had to fire… I had t' take the chance, hope that it'd just go into him and hit bone… I had t' hope!" He shook his head, seeming to all in the room to have lost his mind for a moment. "He'd have killed her, he'd have…"

Maria stilled his rambling buy placing a soft hand upon his shoulder. Doc looked up his gaze meeting her face and the strained smile she tried so hard to keep in place, the expression an attempt at comforting him. "Si, you had to do what had to be done. But now we must help her, she needs you."

Doc's eyes lost the wild gleam they had recently had, his calm, in control aura seeming to fall back over him like a snug blanket. He nodded. "Yeah, she does need us."

Maria's eyes were drawn to Ella with his words. Her eyes were closed tightly and her face had a slight sheen from the perspiration caused by the intense pain she was experiencing. Her lips moved, mumbling something under her breath before she finally pushed out a word.

"Maria" she whispered, and once again Maria's thoughts were wholly focused upon her friend, her son could wait, she would mourn him when the outcome of everything now was said and done. She reached out and took the young girl's hand in her own, squeezing reassuringly. "Joey… they… Gordo... I…" Ella tried but found that her thoughts were beginning to spin and she could not form her words into any kind of coherent sentence.

"Hush" Maria ordered gently. "You can tell me about Joey later." She brushed the damp hair from Ella's forehead and tried to smile.

Doc pulled the knife from the fire and bent over Ella examining the wound once more, his hand trembling slightly. He closed his eyes stilling himself for what had to be done. Maria placed a comforting hand upon his shoulder and tried to smile.

"I've taken out a few bullets in my time Scurlock, if Tessie and her Ma help me over maybe I can help" Call put in, his voice slightly shaky.

Doc turned to the old ranger and he gave a small nod in reply. "I'm gonna need all the help I can, I've done this kinda thing before… just never… like this…" His voice trailed off.

Maria and Teresa helped Call up and into a chair nearby Ella's pallet. He studied the wound, his eyes showing that his mind was working at a quick pace. "Wish I had my glasses with me…" He paused before looking at Doc. "You can go in… if it went through the boy; it might not be deep, just as you said." He looked at Doc, his look telling the young man before him he had no choice but to do what had to be done. "All we can do is try."

Doc nodded again but remained silent.

"But it might be bad." Call's slow drawl held a note of solace to it. "You best also be prepared for the worst."

The muscle in Doc's jaw twitched and he glanced about before looking at Maria.

"Whiskey" he stated bluntly. "You got any?"

Maria nodded. "Billy left some." She rushed to get it.

"Ella." He said her name softly but loud enough for her to hear and slowly open her eyes. She stared at Doc for a moment as if she wasn't sure who he was, her expression blank and then her eyes flashed with recognition and she tried to smile, but it was half hearted and lacked any luster. "I'm goin' to get that bullet out, I ain't gonna lie, it's gonna hurt like hell an' I'm gonna have to clean it too." He indicated to the bottle of whiskey Maria now held.

Ella gave a small nod of her head, her expression stating that she didn't really care what they did. She was so tired she just wanted to close her eyes and drift off into a restful sleep, but it was not to be as a jolt of pure pain struck like lightning through her body. Her eyes flew open, wide and terrified, as a roar of a scream burst through her lips and her eyes streamed with tears. She would have sat bolt upright in her pained surprise if Maria and Teresa had not been holding her down by her shoulders.

Ella gave an involuntary convulsion as the effects of the alcohol upon her open wound sent an aftershock of burning through her body. She was forced to lie flat once again; her vain struggles contained as Doc pulled the lamp closer and hovered the knife blade a few inches above Ella's skin.

"Don't hesitate" Call scolded roughly. "The cuts won't be clean if ya hesitate, don't think about it an' just do it."

Doc closed his eyes briefly before re-focusing his gaze and setting to work in earnest. He sliced thinly but deeply, opening up the small wound. The blood began to flow renewed from it, coating his hands so he had to keep wiping them on a clean cloth so he did not lose his grip upon the handle of his tool.

Ella gave a strangled screech as the metal pierced her skin. The pain was heated, like a fire burning through her flesh, unrelenting and consuming everything in its path. Her body again responded without any aid from her mind, squirming this way and that, but once more she was forcefully held down and kept still by unwanted hands. More screams echoed around the walls of the house until she felt she had no more to give and small whimpers were all she could manage in response to what was happening to her. White flashes began to flicker in her sight, stars bursting before her gaze and making her feel dizzy until finally her body seemed to go numb and dark. She wondered for a moment somewhere deep inside her mind if she had in fact passed out… it seemed as though she could still feel the cuts of the knife but it was distant and strange.

Her mind was free to wander, she would rather think of anything else but the pain, the knife and the blood. It seemed suddenly strange and foolish the path her life had taken over the years. At her mother's farm all she had ever wanted was to lead a quiet life, marry and have children running about her feet… her children. Instead she'd taken the wrong turn in the path over and over again. She couldn't help feeling a welling of deep and bitter resentment. Meeting Johnny Duke had been the start of it all… She'd been sly and callous, trying to be like Johnny so she could gain the seemingly thick skin he had but it had all backfired, leaving her wretched and yet still she hadn't learnt, taking up with another man she knew had a temper, had a bad side. Dave had hurt her and she'd taken it, being a coward, too afraid to live alone. She had always relied on others, used them even when she hadn't intended to, Doc, Maria even John Wesley Hardin… Perhaps she had even used Joey, seeing something in the young bandit that she so wanted, thirsted for… courage, confidence and self reliance. But none of that had equated to happiness for Joey so why had she really wanted to be with him. If she had her conscious wits about her she may have given a huff of annoyance at the strange question her own mind seemed to be pressing upon her in what was an inappropriate time for such ponderings.

Ella suddenly found her thoughts dwelling upon Joey, once again fueled by her mind's desire to dwell upon the past. His image came to her through the darkness, a memory of him smiling… truly smiling. It was a sight she had seen so seldom, the smiles he mostly bore were often no more than cruel, callous sneers that masked themselves thinly as a gentle expression. She realized in that moment that she had only really seen him truly smile twice. It was an occurrence that was so rare and yet she could remember each feature as if they were seared into her memory, almost as if it had been a daily event of their lives. When he smiled, honestly smiled, his cheeks dimpled slightly and his eyes creased, giving his deep blue irises a gleam that made him beautiful to her eyes. She tried hard for a moment to remember what had caused him to smile in such a way but found that her memory was lacking on that account. Her mind quickly changed what was before her as if she had no control over where it took her or what it made her see.

She saw Joey being pulled up, the heavy, dirty noose around his neck. She inwardly gasped, knowing that her body wasn't really reacting to anything, she wasn't awake. The image had surprised her with just how much it hurt to see him like that. Helpless, defenseless and hopeless. He was engrained in her like no other could be and now he was dead… he no longer drew breath or spoke cruel words, and he never would… she was finally free of him in a sense and yet she didn't feel free, she felt more bound to him than she ever had done. The thought sickened her, she'd tried so hard to get away from him, why were her memories making her dwell over things… and the pain was dully creeping back into her senses. He had needed her as much as she needed him and they had let each other down as brutally as was possible… Though they both knew they couldn't be with each other they still went back for more… They had never seen anything the same way, unable to step into the other's shoes and they had dragged each other further and further down until there was no way back out…

Ella gave a sudden shiver from within. She thought she heard his voice in her mind calling out to her, the words made no sense and it echoed like she was deep within that damned cave. No, she didn't want this, to dwell upon him, she wanted to see Doc, hear his voice and feel his comforting touch. It felt as if the voice that still called to her, softly, gently in her mind was death… death and Joey mingled into one frightening nightmare and she wanted to be free of it. She forced her mind to focus, willed her eyes to open, for a moment it seemed that she would not be able to fulfill her wish, her muscles did not want to obey her bidding but finally she opened her eyes to slits.

For a silent long moment she saw Doc's face swimming before her gaze, his look distraught as he grabbed onto Call's arm for support as if he couldn't keep upon his feet, tears poured down his face and Ella lifted a feeble hand out to him.


	60. Chapter 60

Doc seemed to finally see Ella's outstretched hand and quickly wiped at his cheeks before taking it into his own hand, kissing her palm sweetly with trembling lips. She took a breath, feeling the strange weight and pain still present within her chest, but more pronounced and through a hazy mindset she settled on the fact that they had not been able to get the bullet out, although she felt the soft presence of bandages.

"You've been out cold for near thirty minutes" Doc said, trying to quell the tremor in his voice.

Ella gave a leaden nod and wetted her dry lips. "Where's Maria?" she asked, finding that her old friend was not in the room. She was surprised by just how strained and croaky her voice sounded.

Doc hesitated as if words were difficult and looking at her directly was wounding him. His eyes flicked down to the ground before he once again looked at her.

"Maria went out to get Joey an' bring him home" Call finally said, feeling as if speech was needed to chase the stagnant silence away.

Ella again nodded, not wanting to hear that strange frail voice that seemed to have come from her a moment ago. It was only a few seconds later that the door was pushed open and Maria reentered the building with two vaqueros carrying Joey.

"Put my son on the pallet near the window" she ordered softly.

The vaqueros obeyed and were paid with some food and what was left of Billy's whiskey. They left the small abode with high spirits. Maria turned to Ella and Doc, she placed a hand upon Doc's shoulder and squeezed gently before walking up to Ella and taking a clean cloth, dipping it into the now lukewarm water of the pot and bathing her sweat beaded brow. She gave a warm smile down at her young friend whose eyes held a tired, exhausted light to them.

Ella tried to smile but found that the pain renewed and suddenly overwhelmed her, the expression only lasted a fleeting moment, the light that a smile would have summoned to her face was lost. "I guess I should have left sooner, stayin' around when I shouldn't always did bring me trouble." She tried to joke, her voice breathless and distressing to those about her. She lifted up her free hand and wrapped it around her friend's. "Maria" she whispered, chancing another small smile. Ella wanted to say more but found that words failed her, she could think of nothing to say.

She then turned her full attention to Doc, who still clutched at her hand. She couldn't stop the welling of burning tears in her eyes no matter how much she wished she could be brave in this moment, but she was afraid, so terribly afraid. The question demanded to be asked and she feared the answer, feared she already knew it. She felt Maria let go of her and heard her footsteps recede, giving the couple a moment of relative space.

"Am I dyin'?" The question came out in a sob.

Ella looked directly at Doc as his handsome face crumpled beneath a weight of grief. He pressed his lips together as if a loud sob or scream wanted to burst forth as the tears slid unrelentingly down his face once more. All he could manage was a gruff sob as he tried to control himself through his breathing.

Ella reached up to her brow and placed her palm upon it, feeling the warm, clammy skin beneath her fingers… She was suddenly surrounded by the morbid thought that she would never feel her own skin again, never smile, never laugh, never cry… it was over, she was over. She gave a breathless cry of anguish and allowed the tears to run down her cheeks. Her thoughts lingered upon never expecting to die, not like this, not shot up like some rough man with a gun at his hip… Illness, old age, these things she could fathom but this… she'd never expected this…

She covered her mouth with her hand as silent sobs shook her body and Doc moved his position, propping her gently up in his arms as Maria pressed blankets at her back so she could sit up a little. Ella clutched onto Doc as he held her and the pain gave a new jolt at her position being adjusted. But the pain didn't seem to matter, nothing really mattered now.

Doc pressed her close to him and held her as one holds their dearest beloved and as she breathed in his scent, heard his shallow breaths caused by sorrow and tears, she seemed to regain herself a little. She had never considered herself a strong woman, a brave woman or a smart one but she knew right now she had to pull herself together, for Maria, Tessie, Rafael… and for Doc, the kind, handsome man who had wanted her as his wife despite all her shortcomings, she owed him so much and she had to do this. Ella forced herself to swallow down the fear, she'd always believed in God, in heaven… she tried to console her mind with the thought that it all awaited her, it was just another path… still the fear nestled in the back of her mind waiting for its chance to engulf her again, she knew she couldn't allow that, she would not be able to pull herself back again…

Doc finally allowed her body to rest back down. He looked into her face, his eyes searching, burning an imprint of her into his memory. Her tears had abated and her look had become calm but the colour was gone from her cheeks, her complexion now ashen. Ella reached up weakly and lightly covered his eyes, before allowing him to look at her again. She shook her head slowly.

"Don't remember me like this" she breathed, feeling the renewed taste of blood at the back of her throat, thicker and more pungent somehow, waiting to bubble up and fill her mouth. "Remember me as I was, when I was happy… when I was with you." The words surprised herself, they sounded so noble, so distant from the panic that was inside… but she was so tired…

Doc took her hand in his and laid feathered kisses across her skin as he fought back a new wave of tears. He looked up, connecting with her eyes fully, his sorrow contained for the time being.

"I tried" he said sadly, wiping absently at his tear filled eyes. "The bullet's too deep an'… it's in too deep Ella, I can't do anythin', no one can." He paused and placed his palms upon her cheeks. "It was my bullet, I shot you." His blue eyes swam with self loathing and hatred. "I killed you." His voice wavered.

Ella wrapped a slender hand about his wrist. "No" she said, shaking her head. "It ain't your fault… it's Joey's fault, it's my fault." She glanced at the body of the bandit nearby. It was wet, bedraggled and bloody, bearing a red mark about his neck. Maria had already started to pull off his wet clothing, her mind wanting to dwell upon anything apart from what was happening in the room and the fact that she would soon be losing another member of her family. Ella returned her gaze to Doc. "I wish I could go back and do things different" she said breathlessly, her voice raspy. Each breath she took was a huge effort and her awareness of the words she was speaking seemed to fade in and out of her mind as if she'd drank too much liquor.

Doc smiled softly, his eyes still holding the weight of great sorrow. "We all wish that Ella" he said comfortingly. "It ain't your fault though, you ain't got any blame."

Ella gave a small huff of laughter. "You never did see my flaws Doc."

Doc smiled weakly.

"I… I'm afraid t' die" she said softly. "I guess I may go t' hell for all the wrong I've done, be tormented for all time… by him." Her eyes flicked to Joey, she had half meant it as a joke but Doc forced her to look at him, guiding her face gently with his palm.

"You done a lot of good too Ella, you are not a sinner or a wicked woman, you're goin' to a good place you hear me, one where he ain't gonna be."

Ella smiled a soft whisper of a smile. "See," she said in mock scolding, "you never see any flaws." She paused, her expression becoming serious. "But I can't rest knowing you'll be blaming yourself Josiah." She uttered his rarely used real name and Doc looked at her squarely, his lips parting a little in surprise.

"You ain't called me that since…" He trailed off, his eyes boring into hers, speaking of a small secret lying between just them, a secret that had been buried and both had sworn never to repeat.

Ella grinned weakly, it didn't seem to matter now, secrets were just dust in the wind. "Since that night in White Oaks" she finished, her eyes telling him clearly that it was alright to speak of such things. "An' if you rightly remember Mr. Scurlock, I said your name many times." She smiled and took in a deeper breath wincing at the pain.

Doc gave a low laugh at the woman before him, who even now had the wit and humor she had always possessed. His eyes burned with fond memories, whispered words and heartfelt confessions. "I knew I loved you that night." He paused. "I think I loved you from the start, I just didn't want to force you to see what I felt."

Ella touched his hand lightly. "I wish I'd seen it, I wish I'd known what real love was… things could've been so different between us." She gently caressed his arm. "I don't think I knew what I wanted apart from out of the work I was doin'… I was selfish, still am."

Doc shook his head. "You're not as selfish as you think" he said comfortingly and then silence shrouded the room.

"I wish I could do something Ella, I feel so useless" Doc blurted, as if the silence was unbearable.

"There is somethin' you can do for me, two things." She gave another breathless smile. "Take Maria from here to the homestead we had planned… take her children an' Call an' live a good life."

Doc hesitated in his reply, he didn't want to dwell on a life without her by his side, it was unthinkable.

"I know you Doc, I know you'll just go an' get drunk every night after this… once I'm gone." The last word sent a shiver through her body. "Promise me you'll take them and not be alone."

Doc nodded. "I promise." He felt he had no choice, he knew he couldn't keep Ella here, he had no power over that… but he also knew she was right, she knew him too well.

Ella smiled at her small triumph and once again glanced at Maria, who with Teresa's help had managed to strip Joey of his wet clothing and was now finishing doing up the buttons on his clean shirt. Ella noticed that the shirt was the same cream coloured thick cotton shirt she had repaired so many months ago, it seemed a world away and the girl who had darned that hole had been more naive than she had ever imagined. She turned her attention back to Doc.

"What's the second thing Ella?" Doc asked, taking her thoughts away from the past.

Ella swallowed hard, talking was becoming hard and uncomfortable as her chest seemed to constrict like she was wearing a corset too tightly laced. "I don't want you blamin' yourself for all this."

Doc shook his head on impulse. "It was my bullet Ella."

Ella quickly reached up and touched his lips, silencing him. The rapid movement brought new pain and her hand fell limply back to rest upon her stomach.

"Do you remember what you asked me in White Oaks?" Ella asked.

Doc gave a small nod. "I asked you what your real name was…" He paused, his mouth twitching with a half forgotten smile. "You said you'd been asked that so many times that you'd never tell anyone, it was your soul…" He paused once more, his eyes filling with tears. "You said your name was your soul."

Ella smiled and beckoned for him to bend closer. "I wouldn't give my soul to the man I blamed for my death" she whispered slowly. "You can be its keeper, you already have my heart and now my soul… my name is…" She paused, enjoying the game despite the dire situation. "It's Stella Coralee" she whispered.

Doc moved and looked at her fully, his eyes bearing surprise and confusion.

"If everyone thought the name I had wasn't real then it was in the safest place, right?" She tried to grin but the expression didn't fully come into being.

Doc gave a small laugh. "I guess so." He placed a hand softly upon her cheek. "You never stop surprising me Ella."

She gave a small smile, she felt so tired. She allowed her gaze to fall upon Joey once again who was now dressed, his hair partly dry and combed into silken strands that lay upon a pillow beneath his head. The waxen pallor of his skin and the red ring about his neck were the only tell-tale signs that he no longer drew breath.

"He looks so small" she mumbled to no one in particular. Indeed he did look small, small, weak and helpless lying upon the pallet, clean and in his best clothing. It was quite startling to think he had killed so many, ruined lives and played a part in bringing her own to an untimely end. It seemed almost preposterous to think that such an angelic looking young man had held such a dark monster inside him, a beast he had lost control of a long time ago. Ella suddenly found herself wishing that he wasn't dead, not yet… that he still breathed, his wounds slowly draining the life out of him in the same way her own worked on her. Perhaps she wouldn't be so fearful if he had gone with her; if she hadn't been alone it would somehow have made her feel better. But she was alone… even if he had been here he would not have experienced what she was going through… In the end, Ella thought, everyone ends up alone even if they are in a room full of people, death made everyone isolated.

She glanced back at Doc, her thoughts slowly reminding her that she had been talking to him. "Promise me that you won't blame yourself" she said, her voice less than a whisper, demanding his answer to her second request.

Doc gave a slow nod. "I promise you" he said, bending and kissing her forehead.

She gave a weak smile at Doc's pained expression. "It's okay," she stated softly, "it doesn't hurt so much no more." Her words surprised even herself, she'd spoken without any thought and she quickly realized that it was the truth; she couldn't feel the agony her wound had been causing her. It felt as if a freezing cold sensation had begun to snake its way up her body, leaving her feeling numb.

"Ella." Doc chocked on the word, his eyes once again filling with tears. "It's not okay" he spluttered. "Nothin's okay and this ain't fair!"

The sight of his tears spurred her own into being and they fell hot and wet onto her cheeks. "No, it's not fair" she whispered, her composure lost at witnessing the man she loved already mourning her loss. "None of this is fair."

Doc found he couldn't reply, the emotion was too strong and felt like it was a wall pushing him backwards preventing him from taking her in his arms and consoling her. She took in a breath, knowing she had to quell her sobs; tears couldn't be the last thing they saw of her.

"Will you hold me Doc?" she asked, her voice shaky, allowing the self indulgent pity she felt to take over. She could feel the blood clogging her mouth, each time she was forced to swallow more of the tangy liquid and it had begun to hurt her throat, she knew she didn't have much longer.

Doc scooped her gently into his arms and held her close. "I'm gonna take you with me, you hear, I ain't leavin' you."

She could feel his warm tears falling onto her bare shoulder. She shook her head feebly. "No, leave me here, I don't want t' leave, it's my home…" She whispered quietly, knowing in her heart that the real reason was because he would never let her go if he had her wooden cross staring at him every day.

Doc didn't reply and Ella knew he would obey her last wishes. Ella clutched at his form with her remaining strength as he comfortingly stroked her hair. "Do you remember in White Oaks." Doc's soothing voice gently invaded her thoughts, making her dwell on nothing but its sound. "There was that big old oak down by the stream that Jane used to make everyone go out to and picnic when the weather was heady and warm, an' all you could smell was the summer flowers from the plains." He gave a small pause as Ella made a small contented sound. "You used t' make me smile so much, jokin' and teasin' Tommy, and me too sometimes… You'd dip your feet in the water, uncaring if anyone saw your undergarments. Billy once threatened to throw you in when you took the last cake, remember?" Doc paused, smiling in his own memories. "But Dave and me, we told him we'd throw him in first; we were always so protective of you even though you rarely needed it… an' that night… that night… I just knew I couldn't be with anyone like I was with you… I think even if you'd stayed with Dave I would've found a way to make you see… that night changed everything for me, it gave me meaning and made me want t' better myself." Ella began to feel strangely heavy as if her limbs had suddenly become cramped and useless, she felt like she couldn't breathe and her body spasmed weakly. Each breath was becoming a gargled effort, she felt as though she was slowly drowning and had the clear realization she was, her own body was drowning her from inside… and the darkness that had been lurking in the corner of her vision began to crawl in, shadowing her gaze. "I just knew I loved you Ella," Doc continued, "from then on I knew, an' I always will no matter if you go where I can't follow, I'll carry on lovin' you…"

Doc hugged her close. "Ella?" He had only just become aware that her hands no longer pressed against his back and her body had become limp in his arms. He felt Maria's hand upon his shoulder.

"She is gone" she said in a shaky voice, only just managing to contain her own sorrow as Teresa began to wail and clutch at her mother's skirts. "She is gone…"

**A/N I laid it on pretty thick huh? haha Maybe a little too sappy and too cliched, but I liked writing it xD**


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N**

**I'm so sorry it's taken me months to update. This story will be finished within a few more chapters. I was unsure whether to carry on this story after Ella's death but, to me, it felt unfinished. If I was reading a story like this, I would want to know about the aftermath and what happened to the other characters. I hope you'll agree and not feel I'm dragging it out. Also I love writing flashbacks and.. more Joey I hear some of you ask? There just might be a little more Joey hehe**

Doc sat in the small candle lit room on a bitterly cold night. The wind was billowing loud and shrill outside, almost sounding like forlorn moaning, a noise that seemed to echo the despair in his own heart. A few hours ago he had lost the only person who had meant anything to him since the old days when he had been part of a family of misfits and outcasts employed by an Englishman, John Tunstall, to protect his cattle and his life. John had been the only person to see anything good in Doc, to see he wasn't like the rough, uncaring men that seemed to populate the area of Lincoln, New Mexico. Doc had grown up in a shack, the unwanted child of a worn out whore and a bad tempered miner. He'd been left to himself at a very young age, his only solace had been a worn out book his mother had. His mother had once been a respectable woman, she could read and write well enough but life had made her into a coarse uncaring person, it was her firm view that she hadn't been given any kindness so why should she give it to anyone else, even her own child.

The book had been her father's before he'd passed away, leaving her alone with no means of support. The front title had long since worn to flakes of leather but the name could still be made out, 'Shakespeare.' Whenever his mother was in a good enough mood, she would teach him to read and write from that book, not for the enjoyment of seeing her child learn but to relive past times when she herself was learning from the book. Doc knew she held no warmness for him, no love, and he quickly left when he turned fourteen. He'd wandered aimlessly for a while doing odd jobs on any ranches he came upon to keep food in his belly. In his twentieth year he had met John who had just travelled over from London. The two men soon became fast friends and John was only too eager to share his knowledge and books as well as offer Doc a position on his ranch. It had been the first steady life Doc had ever known and the first real family.

Just thinking about the old boys now made the grief of his current situation seem to smart all the worse. He gave a grim smile as he remembered each face: Dick, stoic and steadfast; Dirty Steve and his coarse language and reluctance to have a bath; Charlie, his bashful, cheeky grin and loyalty to his friends; Chavez, his closest and truest friend, the man he owed his life to for many reasons; and Billy Bonney, a man that most people around the country knew as 'Billy the Kid', a man who stuck by his pals and drew people to him with his natural charm. Only Doc and Chavez were left now of the old Regulators. John Tunstall, the man that had given him a new lease on life had been murdered by a rival general store owner, a murder that had provoked all the boys to turn to lives on the run to avenge the wrongs done. Dick had been shot by a man they were trying to arrest, Dirty Steve had died at the McSween's house during a siege, along with many dear friends, and then all had gone quiet for a few years. The lull had almost fooled them all that it was over, that they could all finally stop running and lead normal lives. Many lazy days had passed at White Oaks and Fort Sumner and Doc's mind had drifted to raising a family and making a good, honest living. But it had not come to pass and once again they had been forced to run as the law and government searched for a scapegoat. Tommy, a young boy of only fifteen and Billy's closest friend had been the first to die at the hands of Sheriff Pat Garrett, their former friend turned lawman. Then Charlie had been put down for good and then it had been Billy's turn… shot in the dark in an ambush, some even claimed the outlaw had been unarmed. Only Doc and Chavez had survived and Chavez now had his own quest to see through to the end, one that Doc could not be part of…

During those later days running from the law, from Pat; Doc had often wondered what it would be like to have a family, to lead a life that was just simple. His thoughts would drift back to the mesmerizing young girl in White Oaks, the girl that Dave currently charmed and coaxed into being his. Whether Dave actually loved her was only known by the man himself, but Doc couldn't imagine not finding it easy to love her. Before Garrett had started chasing them everything had been peaceful and even though the two newest gang members were not to his liking, one too young and the other too irritating, Doc had felt content passing his days leisurely drifting from Fort Sumner to White Oaks.

The day they had all ridden up to Jane Greathouse's only to find a new girl had been employed was one that Doc couldn't forget. Slim but curvy, her face holding a light and a slight sharpness hiding behind her eyes that said clearly she was willing to put anyone in his place, had captivated him. But as always, Dave was the first to make a move, in later years Doc would curse himself for his reluctance.

But then that night in summer had come. Billy and Dave had gone riding out to cause mischief. Ella and Dave had exchanged harsh words as was usual for the on again off again couple and Dave, being the hot tempered man he was, had told her he didn't want her anymore. Ella hadn't appeared to be in any distress but even by this point Doc could read her and the girl's eyes had glinted with hurt. Although she projected a stony front of strength, he knew underneath she was raw from past pain and unpleasant memories, things that perhaps made her keep repeating bad choices. Dave couldn't see this, couldn't see that each blunt word just buried itself deeply within her, wounding her further, damaging her beyond full repair.

The day had passed pleasantly enough, the sun shone and Jane and her girls suggested, as they often did on such days, that a picnic was in order. Doc had spent many an hour sat by this stream, enjoying the soft chatter of women and the company they offered. Ella as usual had shown off just how much she liked to be thought of as a rebel, hitching her skirts up and wading into the cool water while playfully teasing Tommy and Chavez over eating too much bacon at breakfast, saying they would soon become too fat to get on their own horses. It was all good natured and just… Ella. Doc had beamed at her, feeling the light and life coming from her, the kind of glow that can only be obtained by losing everything and building your dignity back up while still being able to smile, even if the smile was false. Ella had giggled girlishly at his grin and splashed him with a good deal of water.

When night had fallen over the quiet little boom town the residents and guests of the house had retired after having a merry evening of drinking and cards. Doc had found sleep would not come; instead it teased him with a brink he could not push himself over. Finally he had relented, admitting defeat that he would not sleep on this night. He had pushed himself from his comfortable bed, pulled on his clothes and fastened his gun belt. He'd have a drink and then maybe take a walk or short ride to clear his head.

He made his way down the highly polished staircase to the main living space. He walked groggily over to the bar and poured himself a drink.

"Can't sleep either huh?" Ella's voice drew his attention and he turned to see her sitting on the large deep crimson coloured chair by the empty fireplace, a single candle burning nearby. She took a sip out of the glass of brandy she held lazily in her hand.

Doc smiled warmly. "No, guess it's too hot to sleep."

Ella nodded before returning her gaze to him. "I thought if I drank some I'd feel like sleepin' but I just feel like I've been drinkin'."

Doc noticed her voice was slightly slurred. "Maybe you've had enough?" he teased.

Ella laughed, it sounded strange and bitter to his ears, as if his words had brought back some best forgotten memory. "Maybe I have had enough." Her words held a strange undertone to them and she gave him a small smile that held no humor to it.

Doc took a swig of liquid out of his own glass and studied the young girl, noticing that she was dressed in only her underclothes and a thin silk robe. He felt a small amount of fire flare into his cheeks. It was not that he was unused to the sight of ladies in their undergarments, being a close friend of Jane Greathouse's and a man who, like all the other boys, liked to visit a 'gentlemen's establishment' every now and again meant he'd seen his fair share of undressed women. But somehow this time it felt different, Ella wasn't just another one of Jane's girls to him, she wasn't just a soiled dove placed in this place for his pleasure, she was person, someone he wanted to know, to talk to and protect.

"Is it Dave?" Doc couldn't help the bitter note that crept into his tone.

Ella glanced up at him, her eyes telling him she was thinking over her answer. "Maybe" she finally said after a few moments of silence. "I'm not sure what it is, maybe it's just…. everythin'." She tried to smile.

Doc walked forward and took a chair nearby, his expression telling her simply that he would listen if she wished to talk.

"Oh I don't know Doc" she said, exasperated with nothing in particular. "I guess I never wanted this life, I just wanted a normal life." She sighed and took another sip of her drink.

"What's normal?" Doc said with a small smile playing upon his lips. "I don't think I know anyone that's normal Ella, everyone is just who they are."

"Then I don't like who I am." Her tone was that of a sulking child.

"And who do you think you are?"

Ella met his gaze with her own before she returned her eyes to the liquid in the glass. "Someone I don't want to be." She glanced at him again as Doc gave her a look that stated she was just going around in circles. "There was this boy," she began, "back home. I thought I'd marry him, have some kids and just be like everyone else. Married… happy maybe, if I was lucky." She paused, this time keeping her gaze on the liquid in the glass as she began to swirl it in gentle movements. "Instead I'm here with a past I'd rather forget and no way out… 'part from one." She sighed and finally moved her eyes to the man before her. "I know Dave ain't a good man, but he's offering me a way out."

Doc raised an eyebrow. "So, you're not in love with him then?" Doc asked softly.

Ella's eyes bore into his own before she quickly looked away. "I don't think I believe much in love." She glanced down at the hand resting in her lap. "I reckon people fool themselves that love exists, I think the word 'love' means somethin' else but I guess using it is easier than getting into what it really is."

Doc furrowed his brow a little, not quite understanding her ramble of words. "That's not much of an answer."

Ella gave him a steady look. "I don't know." Her voice was calm and easy, as if talking of something unimportant. "You reap what you sow" Ella added, as if it were an afterthought.

"What does that mean?" Doc asked curiously.

"Well, just you get what you deserve; I reckon I probably deserve Dave."

"That doesn't sound like love to me; sounds like you already know Dave's no good for you and still you're gonna go and get yourself in deep with him?"

Ella cast a careless glance at him but didn't reply.

"I think that sounds a little crazy Ella."

Ella's brow furrowed in annoyance. "What would you know! You're a man! No one cares if you've been with a hundred women in bed but me and men, well my options are quite reduced and I never said I didn't love Dave, I just said I didn't know."

Doc knew the drink and her own confusion was causing her to snap at him. He pursed his lips, not wanting the discussion to turn into an argument; he knew she had a temper when pushed too far. "I think you deserve better than Dave" he said softly.

Ella let her gaze graze over his face. "Then who do I deserve?" Her words were filled with venom. "My Ma always told me I was goin' t' go straight t' hell!" She paused as Doc stared at her, a little shocked by her outburst. Ella suddenly let a wave of laughter erupt from her. "Maybe that's who I deserve, the devil himself!" Her eyes were beginning to water although Doc couldn't tell if it was from amusement or despair. "It's easy to find what's wrong anyway, harder to see what's right." She half mumbled to herself. "I'll go dance with the devil and bring a plague on everyone that ever did me wrong." She laughed again tears now wetting her cheeks. "Though I don't suppose the devil will take too kindly to me doin' as I wish." She wiped a hand across her eyes and sniffed loudly before taking a good gulp of the liquid. She then returned her eyes to Doc as if the words she had just spoken had never left her lips. "Well then?" she asked sharply.

"Well what?" Doc asked. He felt a strange strong pull towards this girl. It seemed that she took the breath right out of him, she was unexpected, mysterious and… lost, just as he had been all those years ago before John Tunstall had found him. Perhaps he wanted to rescue her and give her a good life just as he had always hoped someone would give him a chance.

Ella smiled, but it wasn't a kind smile. "Who do I deserve?"

Doc sipped from his glass before bringing out a silver plated cigarette holder from his breast coat pocket. He flipped it open and offered the contents to Ella.

"I don't smoke" she said simply, before seeming to change her mind and pulling out one of the pre-rolled objects. Doc smiled and dug out his box of matches from his side pocket before lighting first her cigarette and then his own.

Ella blew out a small cloud of smoke before returning her gaze back to him, her expression quizzical as she awaited his answer.

"I think," Doc said, rolling the cigarette between his fingers, "that you deserve a good man, someone you can be happy with and rely on… that ain't Dave" he said matter-of-factly.

Ella gave a chuckle. "If you know of such a man, you let me know where he is and I'll go fetch him." She smiled with a bemused expression, her eyes connecting directly with his. "No good man is gonna want an ex Dove, Doc, you know that."

"I wouldn't be so sure, maybe not a good man in the sense of pious and religious, but a good man in here." He tapped his breast lightly.

"I don't know any" she huffed. "All the men I know are selfish and greedy, only out for themselves."

Doc licked his lips, suddenly feeling as if he needed a long drink. He sipped the last dregs from his glass and looked at her squarely, knowing he was taking a chance with the words that bubbled upon his tongue, but the brandy had given him some courage. "Even me?"

Ella laughed but it sounded nervous and forced. "You?" she questioned. "You're a nice guy Doc" she finished, avoiding the subject.

"What…" He paused. "What if I was t' tell you I liked you?"

Ella stared at him a moment in disbelief. "You're playin' with fire Doc" she said, smiling. "I'd use you up and spit you out even if I meant well, I ain't any good." She paused. "Would you really sacrifice yourself and let me have what's left of you?"

Doc didn't break their gaze. "No, I think you're wrong. I don't think you're even half the bad woman you think you are."

Ella giggled, but again it was forced. "You don't know what I've done Doc" she said, downing the last part of her own drink.

"I know whatever you've done I've probably done ten times worse and not liked it, and I feel I know you some Ella, I know whatever you did, you did for the same reasons as me, t' survive."

Ella glanced away, unable to look at him in the eye.

"Sometimes in this life you gotta fight just t' make it through alive, don't be ashamed of what you did t' get through."

Ella suddenly leaned forward, bringing her face only a few inches away from his own. "Do you see anything in my eyes?" she asked, her eyes connecting with his and seeming to bore right into him.

"I see fire and life" Doc said honestly.

"I never see anythin'" Ella stated, not moving her position. "An' the more I see the less I like" she mumbled in incoherent words.

Doc couldn't help but let his eyes glance across her beautiful features. He could smell the faint fragrance of sweet oils she had used to wash her hair with recently, lemon and lavender came to claim his senses in a warm wave along with the bittersweet smell of the brandy upon her breath as she spoke.

"I don't reckon I'll be around long in this world" she murmured, her eyes glazing over.

"I reckon you'll be an old grey woman before you've seen the last thing t' see in your life" Doc said, inching his face forward, unable to help the pull his lips seemed to have towards her own.

She gave a hollow laugh as his lips brushed hers softly, not quite a kiss, too timid to be a kiss. "I'll be the death of you Doc Scurlock" she breathed, before curling a hand into his hair and pulling him forward to meet her own lips fully in a passionate kiss.


	62. Chapter 62

The kiss continued between them for what seemed a long blissful amount of time to Doc. For that moment he could forget everything, all the killing, the blood and the betrayal. All the things his subconscious was always waiting on to remind him just exactly what he was; a no good outlaw who would never amount to anything. In this moment he was just Josiah, a man that wanted to have a good life and the woman who now kissed him seemed to make him believe it was still possible, that all the blood upon his hands meant nothing. Why, he could not fathom, she had never given him real reason to feel this way with her words or actions but nonetheless she brought this feeling bubbling within him. He was determined to fix this, to make her life better - and what was more, to show her she could do better than Dave. Maybe Doc himself wasn't that great a man but he knew he'd treat her better than any other man could, he'd bring out the real Ella, not the frightened young woman now before him, who spat like a wild cat when anyone came too close to the truth. Perhaps this was a turning point for both of them... and so he allowed her to believe she was in control.

Ella was the one to break the kiss; she rested her head upon his shoulder for a moment, regaining her senses before she pushed herself away from him and got up from her chair. She walked with slightly uncertain steps over to the bar and poured another good tot of brandy into her glass. Doc followed her, coming to a stop just behind where she stood. The desire awakened within him, it would take a great force to set him aside from what he wanted now. His eyes grazed over the outline of her body, the way the silk gown clung to her curves, beckoning with floating material for him to reach out and touch, feel. He allowed his hands to slide across the silky cloth at her shoulders, wanting to judge her reaction, and pulled the robe away, exposing the skin beneath. She sipped at the contents of her glass and allowed him to ease the camisole down before he bent and laid soft kisses against her bared shoulder. His hand pressed against the contours of her waist and hips, gliding across the front of her corset and with skilled fingers he opened a few of the metal fastenings, allowing his hand access to the soft flesh beneath. She gave a breathless sigh at the sensation, this small gesture telling him with no words that it was what she too desired. She let the glass rest upon the bar and turned to face him, her own lips finding his once again as her hands drifted over the rough cotton material of his shirt to his belt. She let her fingertips graze the outline of his gun and the bullets stored in the loops before she unbuckled his gun belt, and placed it behind her on the bar before turning her attention to the leather belt beneath. Doc broke their kiss and glanced down at her as she opened the buttons at the front of his trousers with an expert flick of her fingers and a devilish smirk.

"I..." Doc began, uncertain whether things were moving too quickly. He wanted to reassure her that he wanted more, not just the one night, to let her know he wasn't like the others she had come across, he wanted to lay with her night after night... Where it would lead only time would tell, but she would be his and if she would have him, he would gladly be hers - but she silenced him with a hungry kiss that demanded all of his attention. Ella pushed herself backwards and up onto the bar top, pulling Doc closer to her and wrapping her legs about his waist forcing him further forward. She fumbled and moment before finally releasing him and without waiting she guided him inside her. The kiss paused between them as the sensation and emotion washed over them both. It took Doc a few seconds to regain himself but Ella would not allow him to fully claim his senses, she moved her hips harshly towards him, forcing him to respond and thrust back. They moved together, taking pleasure from each other and Doc lost all awareness of time, whether minutes or hours passed between them he wasn't sure but when they both clung to each other, satisfied and panting, they were covered in a liberal sheen of sweat. Ella kissed him sweetly before pulling away and reaching for her glass in a nonchalant manner. She downed the liquid in one and let out a hiss through her teeth as the brandy hit the back of her throat.

She jumped down from the bar and quickly fastened the front of her corset. Doc watched her with unsure eyes. He got the feeling that she was treating what had just happened between them as nothing more than if it had been a drink with a friend. She walked past him as if he didn't exist and took a step up onto the dark wooden staircase. Doc hurriedly buttoned up his trousers, already feeling like a fool for thinking that...

"Well?" Her voice broke through his thoughts and made him turn to her sharply.

Doc watched her as the candlelight glinted off her hair, which had begun to come loose from the pinned up style she was wearing. The strands hung about her face giving her a wild look, Doc couldn't help the lust that rose within him once again. He didn't answer but waited for her to speak again.

"Are you comin' up?" She gestured with a hand to the stairs and gave him a sassy smile.

" Yep" Doc said casually, but his face bore a grin.

The summer sunlight filtered into the room leaving pretty shadowed patterns upon the floor cast by the lace curtains at the window. Doc slowly opened his eyes, his head ached a little from too much drink and his tongue felt stale and fuzzy but still a smile curved his lips as he remembered the night before. He sighed deeply and glanced at the window. He wondered if anyone else in the house had heard the goings on of the night before. Ella had called his name so loudly that he felt sure all the house would come running to see whether she was in trouble or need. The name she had called had not been his nickname 'Doc' but his real name, Josiah. When their lust was satisfied they'd lain in each other's arms, talking quietly of where their lives had taken them. Doc had tried to coax her playfully into revealing her real name to him, but she'd refused with a teasing grin, stating that information was secret, her name was her soul and he who knew it would have to prove himself capable of taking care of such a precious cargo.

He smiled again and turned to the sleeping woman beside him; she was curled almost into a ball and had stolen all the sheets only to keep some to cover her middle, the rest of the material hung off the bed. Doc felt a pang of hunger before gently leaning over and placing a soft kiss against her bare back. He carefully slid out of bed, determined not to wake her and quickly pulled on his trousers and hurriedly buttoned up his shirt before checking himself in the mirror. He ran a hand absently through his dishevelled hair before opening the door and closing it quietly behind him. He bounded down the stairs and headed to the kitchen where he quickly set about making a breakfast for himself and Ella. Fresh fruit, bread and sweet honey were all put into bowls before he brewed a pot of coffee and poured it into two large mugs.

He walked out of the kitchen only to come face to face with his old friend Chavez. Chavez was a half-Mexican, half-Indian man in his late twenties but he was far wiser than his years.

"Morning" he greeted with a knowing smile.

Doc smiled back a little sheepishly but remained silent.

"What did you get up to last night?" Chavez asked with a raised eyebrow.

Doc absently rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand. "Well, I spent the night with Ella" he replied honestly, he and Chavez had no secrets.

Chavez gave a nod and another knowing smile. "So I heard." He gave a small chuckle. "I didn't know she was done with Dave."

Doc grimaced. "Well it ain't official yet" he tried to explain.

Chavez's face fell and he gave his friend a wary look. "I thought it may be so" he said, more to himself.

"Aw now don't go talking like that" Doc scolded, hearing the faraway tone his friend often bore before he dealt out wisdom. "You'll be asking me to go up into the mountains and do peyote with you again." Doc laughed as Chavez gave a small smirk, remembering the time he had made all of the Regulators take the hallucinogenic drug.

Doc was trying to make light of the situation but he knew Chavez was about to shatter the peace he had been feeling, it had to be shattered, it was empty hope and he needed to hear it, not that Doc saw it so clearly in that moment.

"She will not leave Dave for you if she has not already done so" Chavez said solemnly.

"What?" Doc asked in surprise.

"She is on a path to self destruction, she only sees the Łizhiní Tł'éhonaa'éí in her destiny."

"The what?" Doc asked, feeling frustrated by his friend's words. He always became annoyed when Chavez talked in Navajo or Spanish, languages which Doc knew very little of.

Chavez took in a small breath and looked into his friend's face. "The dark moon, it is an old saying that the person that has death around them and welcomes it sees only the dark moon ahead, the sun will never shine because they will always live in shadow. They only allow fellow people of this path into their thoughts and minds... their love." He paused. "They can drag you down that path with them if you allow it." He paused again, trying to gauge his friend's reaction. "I fear her spirit is damaged."

Doc narrowed his eyes at the man before him. "Don't say stuff like that about Ella!" he said gruffly.

Chavez gave a small nod and said no more but walked towards the kitchen.

Doc made his way back up to the room, pushing his friend's words from his mind. Normally Doc listened to Chavez, but this time he was wrong, he had to be. Ella had been his and he hers last night, it meant something to both of them. He pushed the door open and kicked it closed behind him a little more abruptly than he had intended.

Ella started at the noise and her eyes fluttered opened to wakefulness.

"Hey" Doc said softly, knowing her head would be throbbing from all the drink she'd partaken of the night before.

Ella gave out a low groan and pressed her face into the pillow. When she again turned she studied Doc for a moment before pulling the covers around her naked form.

Doc placed the tray down on a table and climbed onto the bed. "I brought you some fruit, honey an' bread for breakfast, thought you might be hungry after last night." He reached out to caress her shoulder but Ella flinched away.

"Don't" she said lowly, shame clear in her tone.

Doc's hand hovered in mid air before he pulled back, his brow furrowed. "What's wrong?" he asked, his mind half knowing the answer that would come.

"Last night" Ella said quietly, her voice no more than a whisper. "It shouldn't have happened, I drank too much... we both drank too much and things got outta hand."

"But..." Doc hesitated, his thoughts being pulled in two ways, anger and confusion. "I thought last night meant something to you?"

Ella slowly raised her eyes to his. "It did... just not in the way you want" she muttered. "I can't..." she began, but her voice dried quickly on her tongue. She swallowed. "I can't Doc" she said.

Doc turned from her, his anger and frustration coming into full play. He ran his fingers roughly through his blond hair before turning his temper upon the tray of food, flinging the items to the floor.

"What do you mean you can't?" he shouted, turning to face her once again. "I ain't even asked you to do anythin' yet so how do ya' know ya can't!"

Ella shook her head and wiped a hand across her brow. "I can't leave Dave" she said forcedly.

Doc stared at her in disbelief. "Why the hell not?" He paced a few steps before turning back to her. "Is he really what you want, cause last night it didn't seem so t' me!"

Ella hung her head. "Because I think I do love him Doc, he's offerin' me everythin', everythin' I want."

"It's a goddamn lie he's offerin' and you know it, you're a damn fool if you don't!" he accused. "All you want is excitement, I'm not good enough cause I don't play the bad outlaw, is that it?"

Ella shook her head. "You can't tell him Doc" she said suddenly. "If he knows he'll leave me fer sure."

"You want me to keep secrets for you now!" Doc angrily brushed away the hair that had fallen into his eyes. "Christ Ella."

She looked up at him, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. "Can't we just go back t' how things were?" She paused, "I'm beggin' you Doc."

"Why? Do you want a life of misery that badly?"

Ella glanced away, her attention focused upon the bed below her.

"Fine!" Doc bellowed. "You can have it and you're goddamn welcome to it!" He grabbed his belongings from the floor and turned to leave before whirling around to face her once again. "Just remember," he said, pointing an accusing finger at her, "I told you - and don't you dare come cryin' t' me cause I won't be there to pick up the pieces!" He turned and walked out of the room, violently slamming the door shut behind him. He walked along the landing back to his own room and flopped down upon the bed. He ran a hand across his closed eyes before letting out a breath of frustration - and he knew he hadn't meant a damn word of it.

Doc stared out of the dark window, his thoughts coming back to the present and leaving his memories where they would forever remain. It was as true as it was then; he hadn't meant a damn word of his outburst to her, to Ella, the woman who now lay cold and lifeless upon a pallet to his left.

Slowly he turned away from the dark night and allowed his eyes to rest upon her form which was covered lightly in a blanket. Maria and the children were in the back bedroom, trying their best to sleep, but for Doc sleep would not come tonight. Perhaps not for many nights, because every time he closed his eyes he saw her face, her last moments of life and he played through the events of that day, each time he saved her in a different way... each time he saved her.

The thoughts were bitter and hollow. He knew there was no real use in thinking them, yet he couldn't stop. Finally he walked over to her body. Maria had left a bowl of warm water and a cloth so that Doc could clean her and spend vital time saying his last goodbyes. He reached out and dipped the cloth into the liquid before wringing it out.

He began to wipe her arms clean; they were streaked with blood and dirt from the river. The task seemed to quell his mind for a little while as he fixated on removing all the imperfections upon her skin. When he had cleaned her body he turned his attention to her face. She looked so pale and the glistening wetness of shed tears still clung to her cheeks and lashes. He kept foolishly expecting for her lips to part and her voice to fill the room but she didn't speak, what lay before him was just a body, Ella was no longer part of this world.

When all of his tasks were done he bandaged her wounds again with clean cloth, he didn't know why but it somehow calmed his mind to tend to them. Finally he tenderly covered her with a fresh blanket and brushed any stray hair away from her face. He rested his hands upon the pallet, his fingers curling around it and his fingernails biting into the wood as he bowed his head over her. In the dimly lit room Doc whispered many things into the shadowed silence, words that only he and Ella would ever know and as he spoke, tears fell, their droplets soaking into the blanket that covered the woman he loved.


	63. Chapter 63

The harsh morning light filtered through the thin linen of the curtains and was a most unwelcome sight to Doc's tired, tear sore eyes. He despised the daylight that told him he could no longer stay beside her, her cold limp hand resting in his own warm palm. His mind tried to cling onto the last moments he had alone with her before the other people of the house would rise and the bustle of life would begin, sweeping his thoughts up into the turbulent whirlwind and taking him away from death, away from Ella.

He rubbed his eyes with his free hand before pushing himself up from the chair he had been sat upon for many long hours. His legs protested with a sensation of prickling pins and needles and he gently laid her hand back against her side, giving himself a moment to stretch his muscles. He glanced at Call who was asleep in a far corner and had been since soon after nightfall. Doc was glad that the old Ranger had sensed his need to be alone, in such a small house the only way that was possible is when everyone slept.

Doc walked slowly around the room until he came upon the pallet where the bandit Joey Garza lay. A blanket had been draped across him and covered his face. Doc reached out, hesitated and pulled the material slowly away revealing the young boy down to his torso. He felt like letting out a small sigh of relief, Joey was just a man... a boy... not the twisted monster Doc's imagination had slowly built the young bandit to be through the lonely hours of nightfall.

Doc's eyes were instantly drawn to a staining of red that had bloomed across the boy's clean shirt. It seemed the wound had been too large to be contained by a few bandages and a change of clothing. Doc eyed the stain, knowing that underneath the shirt would be a mess of mangled flesh, a gaping hole were the bullet had burst from, before the lump of metal had buried itself into Ella. Doc felt his composer fall, his face crumpled as grief threatened to overwhelm him once again. He gritted his teeth against the emotion, turning into a sorrowful anger.

"Damn you!" Doc hissed. "Damn you and damn myself." He shook his head and glanced at Joey's face. He seemed peaceful, innocent in the embrace of death and so young. "You can't be older than twenty" he scowled. "What made you go so bad?" he whispered into the silence before once again shaking his head. "You can't have been all bad, not if Ella saw somethin' good in you... but then she saw good in all the wrong places." He furrowed his brow. "I hope you're burnin' for what you did an' I hope it makes it worse when you find she ain't with you, cause she won't be!" He took in a deep breath and gave a small bitter laugh. It wasn't doing him any good to argue with a dead man and even if Joey had still been alive, Doc didn't think he'd be the type to listen anyway.

He covered up the dead outlaw without much more dwelling on the matter and turned back to Ella. He knew Maria would soon be waking up and that would start the day's events, Ella would be taken from him and put into the cold, dark ground. Doc ran the back of his hand tenderly across her cheek and bent, pressing a small, meaningful last kiss against her cool lips.

"I'm gonna miss you Ella." He again touched her face; the contact seemed to ease the feeling of loss he so sorely felt. "But I'm done with cryin' for one day, so I'm gonna be the strong man you always thought me t' be, I'll save my mournin' for another time." He gave a small smile knowing she would have smiled at his words.

He heard movement from behind the curtain that led to the bedroom and straightened up just as Maria pushed back the heavy material and entered the room. She gave Doc a knowing, understanding look and nodded her morning greeting.

"Mornin'" Doc replied, finding he was glad his mind could focus elsewhere for a while. He studied the woman before him as she began to find pans and food to begin making breakfast; she looked tired and emotionally spent. He wanted to ask how she was but he knew it was a pointless and foolish question. How could anyone feel anything but pain after losing not only a son but a surrogate daughter all in one day?

"Guess you slept as well as me?" Doc said, wanting to break the silence.

"Si, I was afraid to close my eyes." Maria's voice was stern.

"Me too" Doc said softly. They paused and looked at each other, sharing a moment of kindred sorrow.

"Life must go on" Maria said sadly, breaking the melancholy moment and returning to her chores. "My life has had many deaths in it... and time... the past... cannot be changed." She grasped a pan and stoked up the flames within the dying fire, prodding the wood until she had a heat she could cook over. "I know this too well, I hoped I would never have to live to see these days, although my heart knew it would come sooner rather than later for my son."

Doc gave a small nod but didn't reply.

"We will bury them today. The priest has already been told and will come when we send for him; he will bury my son even knowing what he has done." Maria began to cook eggs and bacon using a little bacon grease in the pan. "I will dress her, but you must go to her old house, bring back her clothes so I can pick what she would like, she was not taking her good clothe or belongings on your journey, she was going to send for them later."

Doc couldn't help but notice the fact Maria seemed to avoid using any names. Ella and Joey both seemed to have become nameless entities as Maria spoke of them. Doc found he wanted to correct her, say Ella's name to bring her memory back into the room by summoning her... but Doc knew all too well, this was Maria's way of dealing with her own grief and the use of any names would make it harder for her to carry on today.

"I'll go now" Doc said and Maria turned, pressing a cold, hard key into his palm. "Gordo gave this to me when she left, the door does not have a good lock, but it is still a lock."

Doc nodded his thanks. "I won't be long."

He walked to the door and opened it before stepping outside into the brisk early morning. Soon the sun would warm the area with a mild winter heat and the chill would be chased away until late evening. He took in a deep breath, grateful for the freshness that greeted his lungs and the change of air. The air within Maria's home had seemed stale, stagnant and full of the cloying presence of death. He didn't allow his thoughts to drift but kept them focused, knowing, for now at least, he had tasks to accomplish. Doc made his way through the sleepy village, people were only just beginning to rise from their beds and it all seemed so quiet, so peaceful. It almost seemed absurd to think that the occurrences of the day before had even happened in this sleepy little place. Finally the small shack Ella had once called home came into view and he paused at the door, his mind reluctantly recalling the last time he had stood here talking to Ella, if only he'd been more open, more demanding, perhaps things would not have gone down this path of loss and death. If only he taken her with him that night he visited Dave, perhaps he could have persuaded her to leave in a moment of weakness over her situation and unhappiness... if only he'd tried...

He slid the key into the crude lock and turned it, the door creaked open reminding him of just what a shabby and undeserving home this had been for her. He stepped inside and took in the various sparse furniture and objects. An old table and chairs, and the smut smudged hearth, a few jugs, pans and mugs but nothing of great importance. Doc quickly made his way to the small bedroom. The bed was still crumpled from the last time they had both rested here together and he forced his gaze away knowing that to dwell on such things would make it impossible for him to get through the next hour never mind the entire day.

He searched the rickety old cupboard and found a makeshift sack, things that Ella had been willing to leave behind for now. He pulled the bag out out and rested it carefully upon the bed before opening it. Inside were skirts, blouses, bodices, undergarments and other personal items. He removed each article, folding the clothing with great care and placing any trinkets upon the bed. At the bottom of the bag were a few photographs and a dark leather box, he picked them up and studied the still images for a moment. One featured Ella and Dave, newly married and serious. Dave looked clean and well kempt while Ella looked young, naive and nervous, sitting in her fancy clothing. The next photograph Doc could only assume was of Ella's mother, a stern, weathered looking woman, her eyes and mouth bore a striking resemblance to Ella's own. Finally there was a group photograph taken at Jane's. Jane stood in the middle surrounded by her girls, each wearing their fanciest, smartest clothing. Ella stood to the right looking slightly uncomfortable at what must have been a formal occasion for all involved. Doc slipped all three pictures carefully into his breast pocket before turning his attention to the little box. He prised the lid open and his eyes fell upon a dainty gold necklace set with shining rubies. He absently ran his fingers across it, wondering what meaning it had to her and why she had been willing to leave it behind. Had it been her Mother's? Perhaps it had been a gift from Jane or an admirer... perhaps it had been from Joey Garza himself. Doc had learned enough about the Garza boy to know he'd taken many trinkets from rich passengers on the trains he had robbed. He studied it with an accusing eye but finally relented and saw it for what it was, a pretty necklace and nothing more. Ella had kept it for whatever purpose and that meant it had some meaning to her at one point and for that reason he would take it back with him. By the time he had carefully packed all of her small possessions away back into the bag, Doc had decided upon a pretty dark blue cotton bodice and skirt that looked very similar to the ensemble in her wedding photo.

When he was finally finished he picked up the bundle and giving the house once last glance he left to return to Maria's.

The morning was wearing on and soon everyone in the house was awake and preparing for the day ahead. With Teresa's help Maria dressed Ella in the expensive looking clothing Doc had brought back with him and fastened the pretty golden trinket about her neck before brushing out her long chestnut coloured hair and securing it into a style they knew Ella would have liked. Maria then left the house in search of the priest and enlisting some drunkards to dig the two graves that would be needed. Doc slumped down at the table, feeling exhausted. He slowly raised his eyes to meet Call's who was studying him intently.

"How ya doin' Doc?" he asked in his usual drawl.

"I'm okay," Doc lied, "I just feel tired."

Call nodded and glanced down at Teresa who, as normal, was not far from his side. "Days like this are the hardest on a man's soul." Call offered what he hoped were words of comfort.

"I know that too well Captain."

The conversation was cut short as the door opened and Billy appeared carrying the wounded deputy Plunkitt. The young man's ashen face seemed to gain some colour back to its cheeks as he saw his fellow companions. "Hallo Captain, Doc!" he called cheerily.

Doc suddenly found he violently wanted to wipe the goofy smile off Ted's face but managed only a glare.

"He was looking mighty sick when I came across him but once he was on a horse he picked up some in spirits" Billy said, helping Ted into a chair.

Billy's eyes flew to Doc's, sensing a disquiet with the people in the room. "Where's Mary?"

Doc was glad that Call decided to take up the conversation. "She's gone to fetch the Priest."

"The Priest?" Billy gave a laugh. "Why, who died?" It had half been in jest but as Billy took in the sullen expressions his own face became pale. "So... who died?" he asked again, nervous and fearful to hear the answer.

Call nodded in the direction of Joey's body. Billy took a few steps forward and pulled back the blanket.

"Joey!" Billy cried in disbelief. "Who finally got him?"

"Doc" Call said, reaching out to take Teresa's hand and comfort the young girl as she once again began to cry.

"Well now, ain't that a turn up for events." Billy scratched his chin. "Knew someone'd get him sooner or later." He turned back to Call. "How's Mary takin' the news?"

"As well as can be expected."

Billy nodded, his eyes coming to rest upon Teresa. "Hey now Tessie, why you sobbin' so?" Billy knew all too well that there would be no love lost between the siblings.

Call patted Teresa's shoulder. "Joey ain't the only one that got shot." He hesitated, his eyes flicking to Doc. "Young Miss Stella..."

"Ella!" Billy interrupted. "Well, is she okay?" He followed Call's gaze to the other covered body in the room that he had failed to notice upon arrival. His eyes widened. "She... no, it... she can't have..." Billy stuttered. He began to walk over to where Ella lay, wanting to see the truth for himself, but Call held up a hand, halting the old man's steps.

"We can fill you in later, maybe now ain't the best time" Call said, giving Billy a stern look he knew the old scout would understand.

"Yeah, that'd be... best" Billy said slowly, his look stunned and his eyes fixed to the covered outline of the young girl.

Silence fell over the small room, permeated by soft bird song and distant chatter from outside.

"Glad to see you're none the worse for wear." Call finally broke the silence, his statement directed at Ted.

The young deputy had removed his hat and was fingering the brim nervously; he gave a small nod in reply, afraid to speak in the current climate.

All eyes were suddenly drawn to the open doorway as the distant, usual village chatter had seemed to steadily grow accompanied by the sound of footfalls. Billy moved towards the door, his brow furrowed in annoyance.

"Looks like we got company" he said in a voice that told all too clearly the occurrence was unwelcome.

Doc abruptly stood from his seat and went to Billy's side. For a moment he stared unbelieving at the sight that awaited him. A large crowd was slowly beginning to gather near the house, many of the men that made up the rabble had already been drinking at the cantina and their intoxicated voices rose and fell, grins upon their faces as they discussed the happenings of the day before. It seemed some of the people of the village had sent word to another nearby town and a neatly dressed man was in the throng of the group, setting up his large camera.

"We've come to see Joey!" Gordo shouted up to the two men, noticing they had come to the doorway. "The photographer will pay Maria to take Joey's picture." He grinned as if this news was to be celebrated.

Doc felt his temper bristle and he clutched his hands into fists by his side. Thankfully Billy took charge of the situation.

"You ain't comin up in here Gordo, Mary don't want no money for the death of Joey."

Gordo looked affronted. "Joey is famous in the newspapers, the photographer says many people from the East will buy copies of his photograph, Maria will make good money." He paused, his dislike for the old man shining within his eyes. "She should thank me; I am doing her a favour, old gringo."

"Don't be tryin' to get me into a fight now you old butcher!" Billy said, taking a step outside, his hand resting on his pistol as a firm warning. "I may be old but I can still shoot your damn nose off yer ugly face before you take one more step." He paused, letting his words sink in. "Mary won't be grateful for nothin' you do, let her bury her boy in peace, I don't want t' have t' tell you again now."

Gordo threw up is hands in irate defeat and stormed back through the crowd, unwilling to take on the once famous scout who was still a fair shot. It seemed none of the other people in the mob had bothered to take any real heed of Billy's words and the photographer was currently picking out a few of the drunkards to stand in front of the 'infamous bandit's house'.

Billy glowered and took in a deep breath. "Damn windbag gettin' everyone barkin' at a knot." He turned to Doc, squinting slightly in the harsh sunlight. "You might have t' back me up here, make sure we disband this lot and get this lobo outta here."

Doc gave a small nod in agreement. "Reckon you're right, have t' move on that photographer t' calm everyone down, he's fixin' t' get everyone riled up."

"Yep, can't let that happen." Billy began to make his way down the stone steps, Doc close on his heels. "Hey there!" Billy called out to the man in the suit. At the sound the man looked up from tinkering with his camera.

"Well, hey there yerself" he greeted, his manner unwelcoming. "I ain't doin' no harm now, just takin' pictures that folks will want t' see." He gave an unsettling, wide grin.

"An' we say ya can't take them here, best you be movin' on." Doc said sternly, backing up Billy's words. "You ain't needed nor wanted, we just want to have a quiet burial and you ain't makin' that easy."

The photographer looked thoughtful a moment. "A photograph won't hurt no one." He studied the two men before him, his eyes grazing the guns at their hips. "Besides it's a good tale, I even hear tell the train bandit had an accomplice who was a woman no less!" He gave a giggle of laughter. "Imagine that! But it makes a damn good tale."

Doc's calm expression had stiffened at the mention of a woman. "You shouldn't listen to village talk..." The man cut him off before he could continue.

"I heard tell from some men at the cantina that she was white too!" He giggled his irritating laugh once more. "Quite a looker they said, folks will lap this tale up, beautiful woman helpin' an outlaw, the tenderfoots love that kinda stuff." He paused studying the two men. "Is it true she's in the house to? Some say she is, others that she ain't... I'll pay extra for a photograph on her."

Doc took a menacing step forward. "If you don't leave quick, you ain't gonna have no tale to tell folks back east."

The photographer gave an insolent look. "You can't run me outta town, I ain't doin' nothin' wrong."

Something within Doc seemed to snap. He'd been so intent on keeping his wits together, on not remembering that the woman he loved was now lying dead that the anger crept up upon him, bursting forth in an unstoppable torrent.

"You son-of-a-bitch!" Doc rushed forward, his fist flew and connected harshly with the man's jaw, knocking him off balance and sending him sprawling to the ground. Doc didn't pause as the rage burned through him and turned his attention to the wooden camera. In mere moments the contraption was no more than splinters and broken glass. He gave it once last determined stamp. "You go tell your tale and see who believes you without your god damn proof!" Doc kicked at the dusty ground, sending a cloud of dirt and sand towards the now cowering man who wore a look of horror that he had been assaulted and now his livelihood was destroyed and in pieces before his very eyes. "Now you best get off your prissy ass and send these people back t' where they came from and then you best get, if I see your damn face when I come out that door I'll be likely to do somethin' that I'll regret."

With those words Doc turned and made his way back into the house. Billy stared down at the man who still sat upon the ground, running a hand across his sore face. Billy then turned to watch Doc, feeling pity for the young man and all the sorrowful and grief the next few weeks would force him to live through. "Best do as he says, a grievin' man is keen to stick t' his word."


	64. Chapter 64

As noon came and went, the sun was high in the clear, bright blue sky and the makeshift, shabby wooden coffins were brought to Maria's home. Doc studied the shoddy workmanship and scowled. If only he hadn't promised Ella what she wished he could have taken her to a good town that had decent timber and a proper burial site. Maria plumped up some of Ella's old clothing and put it at the head of the coffin to serve as a pillow before Doc carefully lifted Ella's limp body and lowered into the box.

Maria placed a hand tenderly upon Doc's arm, sensing his thoughts. "She would not mind, she did not care for expensive things." She chanced a look at him. "It is what she wanted, to stay here."

Doc gave a stiff nod. "Yeah, but only 'cause she knew it'd be hard to take her with me, 'cause she didn't want me mournin' her every day, she didn't consider maybe I'd want t' mourn."

Maria smiled weakly. "No, she did the right thing for both of you, she can rest knowing you are not living in the past."

Doc met her gaze evenly with his own but said nothing, his expression was plain, he would never leave his memories of her, he would live in them for as long as his mind would allow. She patted his shoulder.

"The priest is waiting." She turned from him and went to the other coffin that now dominated the small room. Her son lay as if sleeping inside. Maria studied his face, seeing so much of herself and of his father in his features. His father, her first husband, had not been a good man, he had beaten her and shot many men in his short life but she had loved him all the same. Maria suspected this was where the seed of corruption that was rooted within Joey's soul had come from. Perhaps her son would have lived out his life as any other boy had that seed not been given the chance to grow and bloom into something wicked and rotten. Perhaps if she had chosen a better man to be her first husband her child would have lived a merry life, but Maria could not truly say she would change her decisions, she had been so in love and had mourned her first husband's loss when he had been killed. For this reason she could understand Ella's thoughts and feelings all too clearly, to fall for a man that all the people around you could see was no good, that even you yourself knew to be the wrong choice was a trap that many could easily fall into if the situation was right. At the thought she glanced up, looking at the young girl lying as lifeless as her son nearby. How had their fates become so intricately entwined?

She gave a small sigh as she turned once again to her eldest boy and tortured herself with thoughts and ponderings of what could have been.

The hour was late and Joey had still not returned home. Maria couldn't help giving nervous glances towards the window, half expecting to hear news of his demise at any moment. She walked back to the batch of flat bread she was currently making for the next day. These past months had been hard on her and the children: first Joey had breezed into the village and, as she had feared, taken an instant disliking to her friend, Ella; and then he had shot Ella's husband... Although his dislike for gringos was known to everyone, Joey had never shown his venom to a woman he didn't know before and Maria had to admit she'd been afraid for her young friend for a time. Normally Joey avoided all women, even ignoring the fluttering lashes and coy smiles of the pretty village girls, but with Ella Joey seemed to have made a strange exception, although the attraction was far from romantic.

Joey had delighted in teasing, intimidating and making snide comments whenever he was in Ella's presence.

The only thing Maria could pinpoint about this strange situation was that Ella seemed to either ignore him or give back just as much as he dealt out. To him it was a fun, twisted game and he wanted to be the one to win it. He seemed to delight in seeing how far he could push her before she grew too angry to ignore him. Maria did not believe she would ever be able to fully understand her son.

Things in the village and household had been peaceful for a while now. After her husband's death Ella had fallen into a strange kind of despair that was unnerving, but thankfully the young woman had pulled herself out of it and although a heated dislike still existed between Ella and her son, for the most part, they stayed out of each other's path and all had been respectively quite in Maria's household. Ella had taken to long walks in the evening, sometimes staying at her old house, she said doing so kept her mind clear and Joey, as was usual, went to the cantina or wherever else he wished, giving Maria most of the evening to herself.

Joey came home late most nights now, later than was usual. It was an occurrence Maria had noticed becoming frequent over the passing weeks and the thought crept into her mind that perhaps he had found himself a woman, even his attitude seemed to have changed slightly, he was more relaxed, calm... but he was still Joey and the changes were fleeting. Knowing Joey, if he had found himself a woman she would be married or unattainable, trouble followed him as if he were the very pied piper leading a gleeful dance.

The door opened, making her forget her thoughts for the time being. Joey entered the house in his usual casual, unconcerned stroll and looked up at his mother, a small smirk hinting at the corner of his mouth as it so often did when he had been drinking, riding or any other of the manner of things he knew she disliked.

He took off his hat and coat, laying them carelessly on the back of a chair before he helped himself to some lukewarm coffee, adding a small drop of whiskey to the liquid and swilling the cup before taking a sip.

"Has the dust swollen your throat again?" Maria asked, knowing the reason Joey liked to add the burning alcohol to his drink.

Joey glared at her over his cup, refusing to grace her with an answer.

"You should use honey, not whiskey."

Joey sneered at her. "I like whiskey" he replied insolently.

Maria gave a frustrated sigh. "Where have you been? The cantina?"

Joey gave a smug smirk. "No" he said simply, knowing she would understand he was keeping something from her, wanting her to know. He took a seat at the table and Maria eyed him suspiciously.

"Sometimes you stay out all night" she pried, not taking the question any further, knowing his temper could quickly flare if pushed too far.

"Yes Mama" he said with that same smug smirk. It seemed it would take a lot to rile him tonight; he appeared to be in a good mood and was enjoying his game far too much.

"Were you with a woman?"

Joey glanced up, his blue eyes connecting with her own dark gaze, a small hint of surprise hinting in his features, the briefest of ripples. He smiled again, his eyes twinkling before he let out a breathless laugh.

Maria tried to read him but as was always the case found the task near impossible. Was the small tug of surprise he had shown because she had guessed right or because it was not something he had expected her to speak of? "It is not someone that will get you into trouble?" she pressed, deciding she would pursue this angle and try and gain a glimmer of what the true answer was. "A young daughter of a rough man or a woman that is already married?"

Joey took another sip of his coffee and again looked at her, his expression betraying nothing but a small hint of glee at making her uncomfortable, making her worry.

"If you are with a woman, I am happy" Maria carried on casually, half knowing he wouldn't be grateful she was glad about anything. She was aware she sometimes used this trick on him to make him say something in anger, to give away his secrets in his scrabble to displease and disappoint her. "You are old enough to think of such things, marriage, children."

Joey let out a cruel chuckle. "Mama, if I had a woman I would not marry her... and I do not want any children." He took another sip from his cup. "It would please you too much if you had grandchildren."

Maria couldn't hide the shock his declaration had caused her; she studied her son once more. "If you love her you will do both things!"

Joey again laughed. "I would not bring any child into this world Mama." He finished the last dregs of his coffee.

"Do you hate all around you so much, to deny your own child?"

"There will not be a child; I hate this world enough to deny it!" Joey hissed slowly, setting his cup upon the table his anger just beginning to hint within his words. He abruptly stood up, making Maria flinch from the sudden movement and he smiled at her reaction. "I am leaving" he said lazily and made for his hat and coat. "Staying here irritates me."

Maria glanced up at her son. "You did not say you didn't love her."

Joey closed his eyes slowly before fixing his icy glare upon her. "I did not say I had a woman" Joey said, his expression mocking. He placed his hat upon his head and without a backwards glance he left Maria alone, going once again back out into the chill night.

She slowly sat down, feeling exhausted as she so often did after a confrontation with her eldest son. If Joey did indeed have a woman he visited Maria felt great pity for her...

"It's time Mary." Billy's voice broke Maria's memories and she turned to the old scout and gave a small nod.

Doc and Billy were giving orders to men of the village who had volunteered to help carry the coffins. She stepped aside as one of these men picked up the lid of her son's coffin and placed it over the main box. Her eyes lingered over her son's face, knowing it would be the last time she ever saw it in reality, her remembrances would have to serve her from now on. She walked a little aimlessly over to where Ella lay as the man behind her began to knock nails into the lid, securing it into place. Maria blocked out that dreadful sound, focusing instead on the young girl, checking her hair was still tidy and the ruffles smoothed from her skirts.

She bitterly wished she could have acted differently the night she found out the woman Joey had been secretly seeing was Ella. If only she had showed compassion, friendship and understanding perhaps she could have stopped her friend from going down this path of ruin. Slowly Maria shook her head, knowing that could never have been, Ella wouldn't have listened Joey's hold was too strong over her even by that point... and Joey would only have delighted in the distress it would have caused between them all.

Maria had always hoped a good woman would calm Joey down, make him want to finally settle and still his anger. Ella hadn't never come into her mind as a match for her son, she was a good woman in most respects but, her past was unfavourable. Maria didn't hold any of this against Ella, life happened, and Maria thought no less of her friend but every Mother has a snobbish need for their son to marry a good honest woman, a village girl, sheltered and sweet. Maria couldn't help but laugh at the notion. Joey would have chewed up such a girl and spat her out without a backwards thought, the poor thing would just suffer... just like Ella had. If only Ella had been able to change him... but it was a thankless thought, Joey was Joey.

Ella had loved Joey, for whatever end it had brought, someone had loved him, even if for a small amount of time and Maria knew her son well enough to know the part of Joey that understood love had loved her in return, in his own way... but Joey's ways had always had an element of decay, death and destruction.

The lid was placed on top of Ella's coffin and nailed shut. Maria looked over at Doc, the man who had lost all his wants and dreams in one day and her heart ached with pity as he partook of his last glance of the woman he loved. She could only hope that the guilt he felt would fade with time and life... but for her there would never be enough time, the guilt would lie buried inside her as deep as Joey and Ella slept eternally under the earth. He had been her boy... he had been a train bandit... an outlaw... a murderer... her Joey...

The coffins were hoisted up onto strong shoulders, Doc with Ella's, Billy with Joey's, and the procession towards the cemetery began. She took Teresa and Rafael's hands into each of her own and began to follow. As they made their way many people lined the streets, hats were pulled from heads in respect but Maria knew if it had only been her son's coffin making its way down this dusty path the hats would have remained in place.

The burial site lay just outside of the village near the banks of the river and many crude wooden markers stood erect and weathered, the names that were once deeply carved upon them beaten away to mere wisps of etchings. The ground here appeared to have an ashen quality to it that easily caught in the throat; it seemed apt that the dead came here to take their final rest.

Two large holes had been dug out of the soft earth, like gaping mouths waiting to swallow the wooden boxes whole and besides them on a large mound of earth rested two crosses, each bearing a name, Joey Garza and Ella... It seemed the man who had been commissioned to hastily carve the letters into the wood had not been given Ella's full name, underneath the names read the date of the day before. Maria wondered if as time flowed on and people and names were forgotten would anyone from the village pass by the nondescript crosses and wonder who the man and woman were who had died on the same date? What their lives and been and what had been their fate..? But by that point in the future the names would be worn away, as so many were, their stories forgotten, apart from the distant memories of the elders of a young bandit and his woman... a half forgotten remembrance. Maria gave a small smile, glad of this thought, it was best if Joey's name was left to decay with time, the story had not been a happy one and she was the only one who should bear the full weight and knowledge of what had been until her days were over. The procession came to a standstill near the empty graves and ropes were carefully wrapped around the wooden boxes before they were lowered into the waiting holes. Doc, Billy and two other men of the village took up spades and began to shovel earth from the large mounds, letting the dirt fall upon the coffins beneath. Doc gritted his teeth, hating the task he was performing, hating saying goodbye. But more than this he was embittered by the fact that Ella would lie next to Joey, her own grave but a few feet from his. He couldn't stand the thought and couldn't help but wonder if she would have changed her mind had she known this would be where her last resting place would be, beside the man she had come to first love and then detest, the man that had shattered all their dreams.

The priest stepped forward and began to recite long, dull verses in the native tongue of the village. Doc paid little heed to it, allowing the sound of the sedate voice to calm his nerves and some of his bitterness. The graves were not especially deep and between the four men, they were filled in before the Priest had finished his eulogy. Doc straightened, stretching his back and letting the muscles relax, they had knotted from the hard labour. He wiped his sweat beaded brow and went to stand beside Maria and her children. He bowed his head as the holy man's voice droned on, speaking of people he didn't know, didn't even really care about. Maria reached out and placed a warm, comforting hand on his shoulder, the act a silent solace to what she knew he must be feeling for she was feeling the heavy burden of this day as much as he. Doc looked up and gave her a weak smile, thanking her wordlessly for her support.

When the Priest's words finally petered out into the dry breeze the men and women that had come to say their last farewells picked up two small rocks from a large pile that had been gathered and placed one on each mound. This would prevent the wild animals of the area trying to gain access to the freshly dug graves.

Soon there were only a handful of people left; Doc, Maria, Teresa, Rafael and Billy. They stood in silence for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts and feelings. Finally Billy stepped forward and placed a rock on each grave, his movement signalling that the funerals were over and life must now begin again. Maria and her children followed suit. Maria placed a rock tenderly upon each mound, running her hand over the smooth surfaces gently, as a mother caresses a child. Teresa placed a gathered bunch of wildflowers against Ella's wooden cross and then it was Doc's turn. He picked up a single rock and bypassed Joey's plot completely, refusing to aid the outlaw in any way, and bent beside Ella's graveside. He pushed the stone into the earth and tried to keep his composure and stop his mind from imagining her beneath the earth and dirt in that narrow wooden box, dressed in her blue expensive clothing and glinting pendant. His mind whirled, is this way it had to be, this agony? How was he expected to live with this constant pain?

He was grateful to feel Billy's hand upon his arm, dragging him to his feet.

"Come on now boy," the old man said tenderly, "time to go home."

Doc stood outside at the burial site on a fresh spring morning. Winter held no grasp on the surrounding landscape now, the sun warmed all around it and the crops had already begun to show that it would be a good year for the little village.

But Doc wouldn't be here to see the seasons progress, today he was leaving, travelling up to Texas and then on to California where he finally hoped to settle and become a school teacher. He would have left straight after the day of the funeral all those many weeks ago but Call and Ted had both needed tending and looking after. Ted then had to be carted back to his home in Laredo where his new bride and soon to be born baby awaited him eagerly. But the Captain had taken longer to recover; now he was able to walk with the aid of a stick, his legs were still unsteady but he seemed content with the knowledge he could move if he wanted to. Call was getting old and the ranger was only just seeing this truth, becoming accustomed to the fact that relaxing and taking his days at an easy pace was not such a bad thing.

Doc bent onto his haunches beside the graveside and fumbled with the posy of flowers he had gathered. He removed his hat as he began to speak.

"I've been out t' visit you every day, rain or shine but today I'm leavin'." He paused, bowing his head. "It's goin' t' be strange not talking to you Ella." He sniffed and wiped his hand across his eyes. "But I know it's what you wanted and I know visitin' you ain't doin' me any good." He looked towards the river, watching the sunlight glint off the surface of the water. "For a long while I almost cursed you Ella." He nodded remorsefully. "Thought you'd just been in my life to make it hurt... but now, now I feel I've healed some. My heart felt broke in two, don't think the feeling will ever go, but it made me angry at a lot of things fer a while... but this is the end of regrets." He paused again. "So I've come t' say goodbye, though I know you'll be with me, in my memories." He smiled and placed the flowers upon the rock pebbled mound. "I'll come visit if I can but it's a long way from California, I might not be able to make it as often as I'd like." He smiled again, knowing she would have scolded him for wanting to come back. He sensed Maria before he saw her and knew it was time for them to be on their way. "Goodbye Ella."

He stood and turned his back on the graves and their wooden markers before making his way to where Maria stood. He gave her a small grin. "All set?"

Maria nodded. "Billy is just saddling his horse."

Doc gave a small laugh. "People will think us quite a strange band, what with me, you, the children, Captain Call and old Billy setting up home t'gether." He paused. "But it'll have to be abided by anyone in town till we find ourselves the places we want t' call home."

Maria smiled. "Yes, and it will cost us less." She laughed.

Doc eyes were drawn back to the graves before he again turned to Maria. "You come to say goodbye?" He knew Maria had not ventured out here since the day Joey and Ella had been buried.

Maria shook her head. "No, I have already said my goodbyes." She sighed. "I miss her" she said sadly, "I miss my son... but I am also glad it is over, that he is finally at peace... I could not give him any kind of peace in life, no one could..." She paused, her expression stating she was forcing back tears. "He is still my boy and I cannot stop loving him but I will not forgive him for what happened to Ella... never." She let out a small sob. "That should be me in the grave, not her" she said, a lone tear running down her cheek.

Doc pulled her into an embrace; he couldn't help but see this woman as a good friend after all they had been through. "Don't go blamin' yourself, Ella would hate to hear ya say such things." He felt Maria nod and she pulled away, wiping at her tears and composing herself.

She gave a last sniff as her strong resolve came back into play once more. She looked upon her son's grave, knowing it would be the last time she saw it. "Al vivo la hogaza y al muerto, la mortaja" she said with a sorrowful air. "Come," she said with a smile, "it is time we left here."

They began to walk back to Maria's where a cart and horses waited, their belongings already packed away for the journey ahead.

"So..." Doc said, a slight teasing entering his tone. "When you gonna marry Billy anyway?"

Maria let out a peel of laughter, the sudden question pushing any remaining sorrow aside. "Depende."

"On what?" Doc asked, still smiling.

"If he stops drinking and starts taking a bath!" They both chuckled.

Doc cast one last glance behind him to where the two bleak, stark crosses stood in contrast to the light landscape. He knew there was no place for heartache and anger now, no time for pondering upon wasted dreams, even though the bitter regret would stay with him until his dying day. But for now he had to let her go. He smiled, bidding her a true last farewell, becoming aware in that brief moment that he wouldn't return to the village, that his life lay ahead of him not behind him and for that reason he couldn't come back.

In that small moment of clarity he was left with the bright hope that perhaps they would still meet again, one day.

_The End_

_**A/N**_

_**And so, we come to the end of a very long story lol the longest I've written in fact. I really hope you enjoyed it and your thoughts are more than welcome now and in the future. I may write a Joey one shot in the future but we'll have to see.**_

_**I have met some fantastic people through this story and I thank you all for your support here and on Youtube.**_


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